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Lug nuts? What are lug nuts?
a squirrel probably took them
A squirrel named Bob? Hmmm?
Staged.
Platformed.
podium’d
curtained
curtailed
retailed
pigtailed
Diddled.
jacked (off)
Fiddled
verbed
potatoed.
pie
3.14159
devide by 0
*universe implodes*
3.1415926
R Squared
2.71828
3
dj’s know how to round.
Well, they’ve got the technics.
22/7
If they get to 8/24, they’re rockstars.
I said PIE not PI you noob
kopytko
Tomatoed?
WEED RUUUUUUUULEZ xD
I LIKE WEEEEEEEEEED xD
WEED 4EVEEEEEEEEER xD
Pie is a baked good, pi is the ratio of the circumference to the diameter of a circle you my friend FAIL!
fail’d!
69
January
Hypotenuse
Failed !!
3.141592653592… 8? I forget after that…
C-C-C-COMBOBREAKER!
3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679
8214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812848111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196
4428810975665933446128475648233786783165271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273
724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360011330530548820466521384146951941511609
curb tailed… or was that to much?
Photoshopped!
Frame by frame…
Where’s Much, exactly?
It’s where that women lives, remember?
*sigh* I do! I just wish a gentlemen would show up.
potatoed
Oh, shut up, you snagglepuss. Clicky if you like, but I’m bleh on potatoes forever.
(Although I left this clicky for fluffy mit love)
W00T!! Potato shirt!!!
“Weird potato!”
Dais’d
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Dais
Mesa’d.
Totally Mesa’d up!
I dont know what to type! I Mesa’d up!
Mama mia!
Dancing Queen!
Flaming Queen!
Queen Latifah!
Steve McQueen!
Stevie Nicks!
Nick Drake!
Sorry. I’m feeling very ’70s today.
*nicks hammykins*
As in steals? Or cuts?
BOTH muahahaha
Fast as Lightning
There is Blood on the Wall.
queens of the stone age
Killer Queen!
Black Mesa?
Plateau’d
Shouldn’t have built your nest on that plateau. Avis is not going to sit on this for you.
I suspect there are…shall we say…persuasive techniques that could be employed that might accomplish that…ahem…end.
your mom was staged.
How’d you know?
“blech” – as in the german word for tin or the sound your stomach makes just before you hurl?
Dogs actually say “hork”. I know because my rug was violated ten minutes ago.
They are also capable of “hurka. hurka, galoop!”
“hurka hurka hurka…lobster.” You must be a bloody tank commander.:)
You “hurka”-ed when you should have “hootcha”-ed!
Did it on purpose, I want him to come to my house to slap me personally. If I do this enough my fantasy might happen. I made him a dress.
The good thing about the dog barfing, is he usually cleans it up. And he’ll take care of the cat’s, too.
Mine just stare at me, like “Are you going to do anything about that? No? Enjoy your barfy carpet, I’ll reenact this in an hour. Love you!”
My cats like to hide their barfs where you will be most likely to step bare foot.
You don’t stage something like that. Tends to cause a lot of damage. Whoever owns/ put the rims on the car is an idiot.
This would be a good commentary on the U.S. car makers heading into the next decade.
If it’s staged, then that’s would be a waste of a set of wheels and a car.
I think this is not staged at all.
not staged. was there. they brought the wrong size lugs.
Hmmm, they must have been shiny, and caught his eye.
Shiny, Caught my eye, Broke a tooth and Impossible to pawn!
Totally Useless!
(well, almost) *loads slingshot & aims at troll*
Whether ’tis nobler in the skwerll to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous acorns,
Or to take paws against a forest of trolls.
I’m going to needlepoint that into a doily for my side table!
Your nest will be well dress’ed.
Does Bob get the blame any time nuts are involved?
Just checking.
Not ALWAYS, but a fair amount of the time yes. Particularly if the nuts in question are shiny.
Can’t blame him for that.
Shiny nuts can be very tempting.:)
And where is that shiny-nut-loving skwirrel anyways? Celebrating the Chinese new year? Without us?
Hai! I’m back!
Boss made me comment over at “LOL Celebs” for coming in 2 hours late!
Oooh! Did you file a grievance at your local employment office for a violation of the unfair workplace act?
Looks like Bob from Account Temps isn’t all that great. At least when it comes to lug nuts.
A lugsquirrel?
Lug’s nuts obviously… poor feller musta been castrated…
Castellated?
Castigated?
Castrated ?
…shit, I mean /castrandom?
Castor oil?
Castro?
Cast away?
Cast off?
Cast iron?
Plaster cast?
Type cast?
Past ‘er ass?
Aw, darn. Too slow.
*reverts to previous theme*
Forecast?
Cast and crew?
Castanets?
Crew-neck?
Cast of a major motion picture?
(damn you Sammy *shakes fist*)
Ah hell… missed it.
Crew-cut?
Crew-cut?
Dammit McFail! LOL
LOL…great minds..
Great minds?
I don’t know about you but I’m just on this side of insane.
*indicates her username* I’m actually just on that side of insane.
Crew-koo?
I must admit Diana, I didn’t read your username before I posted.
Crazy and lazy makes a horrible combination.
Crlazy? Sounds Romanian. Ordinarily I’d say that’s a neutral characterization, but given what I’ve seen of their driving skills…
Failblog is messing with me… these two comments were just at the bottom of the page. Then I received a “You are commenting to fast” and two duplicate “You have already post a comment like that.”
My computer is a spaz
For more word play see below.
Use screw or pit and it’ll be fun.
Spec Writ
Screw Pit
Screw Tip
Crews Pit
Crews Tip
Crew Tips
Crew Spit
Crew Pits
Pic Wrest
Pic Strew
Scrip Wet
Crisp Wet
Script We
Sic Twerp
Citric Twerp Spews
Pierced Snots = No Disrespect
S’ok, took them all out five years ago. I’m still a snot, however.
Y’know, I just got a couple of cast iron pans – - goin’ “old skool” and all that – was going to ask Avis if she had any recipes, then this thread took on a WHOLE nuther direction….never mind.
Obviously (maybe not), that was in response to Mookie’s 12:47 “cast iron” comment…. otherwise, please accept this in the spirit it was intended,…kthnxbai
@dianatheinsane u have no idea how romanian sounds like, probably u dont even know on which side of the world romania is
PIT SCREW!!!
Screw Pit?
Pew Scrit!
Spew Crit?
Crew Spit?
Wet Crips…
Pric[k] stew?
We Script?
Wrest Pic?
Cris wept.
Wrist Pec?
Pecs Writ?
Perc Wits?
Crip Stew (a Blood’s favorite dish)?
Writes PC?
Spite WRC?
Sprite WC?
wer(e)prics?
(muscle) pecs?
WHY?^
Sic Twerp.
Ric Swept?
Wet Crisp.
Crick Stew?
Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!
SILENCE!!
heh, I was wondering when this video would show up on here. I’ve met this guy/seen this car at local autocrosses. What supposedly happened here was the rims were new, and the shop sold him the wrong lug nuts. They fit well enough to torque up, but as soon as he started a run, they all sheared right off. You can find more info on teh googles pretty easily. Lots of discussions on it.
humpty dumpty’d
Um…so you mean you are supposed to tighten those?
just a little bit…
Righty tighty, lefty loosey… or is it the other way round?
Righty tighty! I only learned that this year!
They should teach that stuff at school.
Bod, why do you have NO hair?
Yeah, so I was taught that private questions were for private conversations but it doesn’t look like everybody had the benefit of my upbringing.
Hmmm, I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m in private with someone.
So tell me Bod, why do you have NO HAIR?
*hands Bod the shellacked halibut*
Here, you might want to use this.
*uses the halibut*
My thanks, Avis.
Was it not for the thick coating of Mod Podge, that thing would smell like hot wet trash on a Saturday night by now. Y’all are brave.
I think it’s, “Left is right, right is wrong.”
Or “Twist me right or I leave.”
“Take me to bed or lose me forever.”
“Great balls of fire.”
“Son, your ego is writing cheques your body can’t cash”
“Say hello to my little friend” *SQUEEZE!*
“Just want to serve my country, be the best pilot in the Navy, sir.”
they have an ointment for that.
How topical! Congratulations.
IF left is right
AND right is wrong
THEN left is wrong?
It’s Righty Tighty, that’s why I Always date the Conservative Girls
Pretty sure that the “Lefty, Loosey” girls will give you more bang for your buck, so to speak.
Yup! They’re always a hoot to be with, but they have this tendency to echo, which unnerves me.
How is it that you are allowed on here, Bob?
Do you even wash?
I’m a skwerl and your guess is?
Actually, yes I do. Isn’t that what fountains are for?
Hmm, clean and tastes like chicken. Lurlaine! Git mah skwerl gun.
You misspelled “road kill”.
What actually happened here was that he had the wrong lugnuts. They had the wrong threading on them so when they seemed tight when he put them on.
first
not quite… get a faster comp dude
Nah, all he needs to do is go to finallyfast.com. His computer’s fine.
DAMN, at least say something funny as well man, damn!
like rabbit, thats funny
last time i checked, “first” was funnier than “rabbit”, because at least you can laugh at the person who said it
…up against the wall when the revolution comes.
FIRST!
once again, not quite… get a faster comp dude
you realize you said this recently right?
first
*beats with a golf club while his tazer is out of commission*
Anyone got one i can borrow for a little? just haven’t had time to go to TrollMart to get a new one…
here you go bro… *hands Durg the Tazer and the complimentry shamWOW that came with it*
after you bash BTR’s head in with your golf club clean it up with this great shamWOW….
too late…
*tazes ButteredToast*
OFF TOPIC – ShamWows are on sale at my local Target this week – - anyone need a resupply?
ya that’s why i said once again…
i dont see how this makes him gay, happy, or a robot…
oops, i accidenty the ‘
Give Durg credit for knowing how to spell “accidenty” correctly….
still dont see how it makes him happy or a robot…
maybe that was his way of coming out of the closet
im meant it to ITSMERYANSHECKLER
First!
really? did somebody bump the plate in wubby’s head when he wasn’t wearing his helmet?
FIRST!
This is one of the best fails I’ve ever seen since following this site (about three months ago).
Nice champz! U are the best
Its always good to see newcomers, except trollz
ffirst
Since Dilly has been absent for a few days, I’ll do her job and direct you to her favorite fail. Clickie my name.
Maybe she has a new favorite fail, for sure when she see’s this^^… just epic this one
Oh I don’t know about that. Last I heard she and Zorb Fail were looking for a wedding venue.
… with a grand ballroom.
hehe… “grand ballroom”… You’re good, AA. Very very good.
You have NO idea.
I have SOME idea. I been secretly filming.. *cough*.. uhhh.. was that a bear outside the window? OMG it was a bear!
*flees*
YOU’VE SEEN ZORB FAIL??! It went out for a pack of cigarettes a few days ago and didn’t come back…I’m sure it’ll be home any minute now. I’m just going to hang out here in my wedding dress (I got Stephanie Seymour’s from the November Rain video) and pretend I don’t have black mascara running down my face. I still love you, Zorb Fail. Call collect, I’ll always accept your charges.
Hey Dilly, I have an Alexis Zorba on line one. He insists you want to talk to him. Shall I put him through?
I have Zorb the Greek on line two. He asks that you stop calling him and asking when he’s coming back or he’ll take out a restraining order.
But aren’t line one and line two the…same…person…? OMG it’s just me calling myself, again! Zorb, if you’re out there…I’m sorry and I won’t ask for you to do that thing I like again.
Poor Dilly, in love with a Zorb that gathers no moss.
Don’t cry for me, I’m really not interested in Morón Optical Space Surveillance.
You were suppose to have been orbital. . .
That’s all they wanted. . .
Not much to ask for. . .
That’s a funny break, altogether. Ah, the halcyon days…
I sea tranquility in your diversions.
Where we’re going, we won’t need orbs to sea.
Apparently he was sick on LUG NUT DAY!
But they still let him work on my car.
I caaan’t believe you didn’t buy a Mercedes…
They don’t make a van!
Really???
Don’t cloud the issue with half-truths and gorilla dust!
Don’t try to confuse me with the facts.
mercedes makes 3 different vans…..
yup staged
Puy, gestalt
Switched to race wheels n tires, just forgot to tighten correctly
Heh, this event is known as autocross. It looks like it didn’t cross the driver’s mind to check the lug nuts after changing out the street tires. I know I’d be hacked off if this happened to me!
Really? We don’t care. Your name suits you though.
Who is this we of which you speak? Ah, now I remember you. You’re the asshat that has sex with the unconscious. I see you speak for your date as well.
Ah ha Admiral Asshat is funny – - – that is rare for you
Meh. And Blinky isn’t funny — nothing new there.
Geez! I JUST get back from my trip, and the first thing I have to do is annihilate a troll for dissing my Admiral??
*lights troll on fire*
*roasts a few marshmallows on it*
*uses lots of big words that it won’t understand*
*laughs derisively at its ignorance and stupidity*
There. *dusts off hands* Did I forget anything?
Oh, yes!
*grabs the Admiral and gives him a super-deluxe, patented Dragon-smooch (tm thingie)*
Welcome back.
*aspires to one day be as great as our dragon*
(So many new people who I don’t know… I feel intimidated
)
*squeeze*
*squeezes the moomin*
*smooches the moomin, fulfilling a lifelong fetish*
Eee!
Jeez Loz. You’re legendary here!
*takes Loz by the hand and leads her out of the corner*
Can we get a spotlight on Loz?
Hold on…I think she dropped her religion over here…
And awww, Loz! Don’t say that! The only way I could ever possibly be “greater” than you is in the “broad” sense of the word. ‘Cuz, being a curvy Flag Girl, I’m pretty sure my hips are “greater” than yours. :p
Oh no, not my religion! Damn, those things are so slippery.
I just don’t know all these new people, failblog has become some sort of Mecca, you’ll have to fill me in.
I appreciate your modesty, dragon, but you are the true matriarch here and we all look up to you for guidance! I even had a little statue made of you and it sits by my bed.
he called me an asshat; i called him an asshat — you all defend him like he’s “special” sence he has no humour? — if all AA does is state the obvious (apparent), what good is he? you do know that you can’t actually hurt someone with bold type? this is funny #yawn#
We like AA. He has a brain and uses it.
You, not so much.
Plus, it’s easier to like someone with a gravatar.
Um. Do you guys see any bold type in my post that this ignoramus responded to?
@ Blinky:
Dude, what is your malfunction? Admiral Apparent has a profound sense of humor, which he uses in good taste. Your lack of understanding does nothing to diminish how the other regular posters here feel towards him, but rather makes you look petty and insecure. Rather than bash someone you know nothing of, or try to steal his spotlight for your own petty causes, why not study a little bit. Learn something, try being funny, and lose the asshat label.
Or, is that all too much for your mediocre intellect to comprehend, and the meaning is lost on you by the time you finish looking up all the ‘big words’?
Child, the Admiral is special. He has a razor like wit and a devotion to the subtle. He does not set out to be a pain to one and all. He exercises a knowledge, control and respect of the English language.
Others may notice that these traits are the opposite of you. About the only thing the two of you have in common is being carbon based and that may be an erroneous assumption on my part.
As most assuredly he is a friend to many, you are not.
I welcome your reply.
Maybe trolls are silicon based?
We need to get some tests done. TO THE LAB!
all i’ve ever noticed is his nastiness and feined devotion to the dragonlady— its nice he has friends here but a shamed that they do not chastize you all whom so quickly try to push away and hurt new people with you superior wit — nice to meet you all btw
Now see, it would be so much easier to take you seriously if you even attempted to use proper grammar and spelling.
Or if he weren’t a Pac-Man ghost. All you have to do is eat a banana to make him fade.
All
I’ve
feigned
it’s
it’s a shame (I think that’s what Blinky means…)
who (not whom)
+bonus marks for the run-on sentence
=7
you are all so fun I have tried to turned on my spell checker and my run on sentence checker and my capitalization and punctuation checker just for you but surely that would not satisfy any of you in the least ever so why should i ever bother trying to please you enlightened ones, great sages of failblog and masters of all wit and humour and what is correct to play along with youso good night it has been a waste of time complete find someone else to gang up on. do you send secret emails to each other congratulating and condescending tips for the next victim — thanks for the 7 points hammykins that was funny but you can keep them — delettainte good try but I am not a pacman ghost but a guy who has an uncontrollable blinking problem and I already make fun of myself for it so ha ha ha — goodnight maybe we can all play tomorrow if your moms will let you
Do you even know what a capital letter is?
As per the blinking problem, we all have our own various idiosyncrasies. We won’t penalize you for that. We WILL, however, penalize you for assuming you can just come in insulting whomever you please.
I will wait while you go find a dictionary.
I actually do feel bad about your facial tic, you feeling left out, and your poor grasp of the English language, but if you put “taint” in my name again I’ll be very put out. You don’t want that.
Do not feel that you need to return. I will not think less of you. I couldn’t. If, at some point, you do return; try being less obnoxious. You may be surprised by the results.
I just realized the twit left me out. Now I feel rejected. Here I gave him the best minutes of my life and what do I get? Ignored! *sob*
Don’t worry, you can have some of the points he gave back to me.
*hands 3 points to coyote*
Second hand points? NEVER!
Do you think that it will have the hutspa to show again?
Great. Now I’ve got seven fail points and nothing to do with them.
C.H.U.T.Z.P.A.H.? I don’t believe it exists. *Is attacked by chutzpah*
We do welcome the pleasant with open arms. As an example take a look at today’s reception for dianatheinsane.
Crappy attitudes are met here as they are everywhere, with a swift put down. Your behavior may be the norm amongst your classmates, but here it is anathema. If you wish to play with the adults then you must adhere to the social customs of the adults, or leave the field.
Or be subject to our ridicule.
Whoa whoa whoa. “Superior”? First thing you need to learn, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” Do not assume you are superior. Assume, in fact, that you are inferior until you prove yourself otherwise. Do not insult the regulars, who have proved themselves many times over. Step back and try again.
Yikes!
Blinky, you came out swinging at me! If you wanted to be welcomed, why lead with the insult? That is not the way to make new friends. I can understand why you may not find me funny, but I am puzzled as to why you find me nasty.
.
It’s sad that you can’t see the sincerity in the exchanges between friends here. There is nothing feigned about the affection shown towards my special Dragon friend.
No worries. I’m pretty sure that anyone with two brain cells to rub together could figure that out.
Anyone with two wits should be able to figure out who that was.
I’ll do it as soon as I get a two-wit – of the round variety.
Good to see you back Dragon!
D-DUB! bout damn time you got back!
Hee…! Thanks, guys, I’m glad to be back.
Yeah.. you can’t call him an idiot either. You’d be insulting the idiots of the world.
Okay people. Here is an example of the true troll. It is not some piddly little pile of rubbish, but an actual social hemorhoid that is in need of removal.
Hey, I’m all over it, coyote. I’m on it like….
Well, like Dragon on Admiral.
We were having a debate the other day on what constitutes a true troll and a mere irritant. I felt that the label Troll was being used too freely. It was the usual highbrow discussion.
Sorry I missed it. You’re right, this one is definite troll. I’m guessing massive inferiority complex resulting from a combination of nonexistent intellect, complete lack of social skills, and teeny, tiny penis.
Is it an inferiority complex when one truly is inferior?
It’s complex.
There are no simple answers.
There are, however, simple minds.
Then it’s an inferiority simplex.
Inferiority duplex, for the schizoid.
Yes, many of these trolls are just crabs when they think they’re syphilis.
Aah, yes, the delusions of grandeur.
That might be the best metaphor for over-inflated ego that I have ever seen/heard.
You would be pretty cross, then?
It would drive me mad.
*POUNCE!!*
I’m back!
*HUGS!!*
Ooof!
*falls to the ground still clutching DW*
*laughs with great joy!*
You two carry on, I just want to let AA know that I posted a mean smackdown of Asshat in his defense, but it appears I was too profane – my comment has been removed! (who knew FB really had standards?)
You could always try translating the particularly profane words into Spanish and claiming they were cooking ingredients ; )
Hee…!! I’m very happy to be back! What did I miss??
Well…I missed this of course.
*hugs the Admiral back and rolls around on the ground a little more*
Oh, and I responded to the troll, too. Not so much with profanity as with utter contempt. It’s all it deserves.
*still rolling*
*smooooch*
*waves over to Mookie*
Mmm, tanks Mmmookie!
*smooooch*
*smoochity-smoochy-smooch!*
Oh, my goodness, …… you guys are so cute!!!!
I know, right? I get black eyes and public anal. God, I miss fuzz.
You could always just stop shaving, you know.
Not a chance. I’m dillygent. For the gents.
He he. Asshat can kiss my lechuga.
For some reason I found that incredibly hilarious. Thanks, Mookie.
i thought that meant lettuce
Therein lies the joke.
Wow that’s pretty bad, I think whoever signed him off for tech inspection needs to be replaced.
I say this video a year or so ago and according to the owner of the car, this was caused by incorrect lug nuts. There were the wrong thread pitch and when they got side loaded during corning they failed.
Always remember to corn your car before eating it.
Yes, I remember reading his comments as well on a car forum. Here’s the reason the owner is STILL full of fail however. He claims it was the shop’s fault because they gave him SAE thread pitch lugnuts where obviously his car uses metric. EVEN IF THAT WERE THE CASE, the ONLY way you could spin those lugnuts down and not realize that you’re slicing threads apart would be if you put them on with an impact wrench which is a huge fail no-no in my opinion. NEVER tighten things with an impact unless 1. you have the proper torque stick and 2. you spun them down by hand until you engaged ALL threads on the nut with no binding or crossthreading.
ZZZZZZzzzzzzlugnutzzzzzzZZZZZ
WIN
A long, explanatory comment that doesn’t fail, it’s amazing.
WIN
A long, explanatory comment that doesn’t fail, amazing.
as much as i like absurdity, i wish there is a way to collapse all the comments down to the interesting ones.
Something tells me somebody also had some screws loose.
I’m curious, how is your disease transmitted? Do you have to take any special precautions in your daily life? Do you feel stigmatized?
You’re talking to the car now?
Methinks she is referring to Failitis. I personally think it’s not only airborne but netborne as well, which is why we must fight the trolls with all our strength.
Hm, must have been one of these comments that migrate.
Mine was in the right place, but now my enjoyment in it is dislocated.
He’s hell on wheels.
Now he’s hell on asphalt.
Now he’s hell on Splat!
he he. Funny fish.
actually he’s hell without wheels now… he forgot the nuts of lug
Looks like they will have to re-indent the wheel
gues superglue doesn’t always does the job…certainly not with squirles or rabbits around…
LMFAO!!!
Lugnuts May Fail At Operation?
nice!
As an alternate theory, I offer this:
The driver was an arrogant ass, and the pit crew intentionally left the lug nuts loose to prove a point.
Alternate theories Rock!
Ohhh!!! Can I nominate drivers for that car???
I nominate Minnie Driver.
I nominate my mother in law.
Axl Rose would be my first choice.
Really, now? And yet you did not care for my 2:53 pm November Rain comment. I think you’re a total GnR faker. Enjoy Chinese Democracy.
that would be much more amusing than any theory so far, and as such i second that statement!
Don’t know if it makes it funnier, but in this kind of event the damage was most likely self-inflicted. If the driver was an arrogant ass, you can bet the rest of the field was laughing their asses off.
See, this makes the rest of the field laugh, hence funnier, if he wasn’t an ass, then his pit crew wouldn’t laugh… they would maybe giggle and then get to work, but probably not outright laugh.
Almost like he did the whole race with just gas-n-goes and then his tires fell off when he was in the lead and about to win, and he had to limp to the finish line only able to get a three-way tie by sticking his tongue out? You mean that kind of arrogant ass?
Maybe he needs to spend some time in Radiator Springs and learn a Life Lesson About Friendship.
someone’s been watching one too many Pixar films…
You cannot watch too many Pixar films, it’s not possible.
I think that the fact that we have a video of the event just helps to prove your theory right, Lunchie. If they didn’t know his car would get road-burn, why would they be filming?
I had the same question when that windmill exploded!
Y’know, I never even thought of that! How… fortuitous… that they happened to be filming at the right time! Of course a lot of the vids on this site are kinda like that.
With a camera on every phone, it is shocking when some event isn’t recorded.
Good point. There are many, many times when I’m out and about and have lamented the fact that a) my phone doesn’t do video, and b) my phone takes crappy pictures. Before the camera phone I lamented the fact that I did not have a camera with me.
I expect Dilly to heap more Amish jokes on me, but I must confess that I don’t even own a cell.
S’ok pup, you can duct-tape your camera obscura cardboard box to your tin cup with a string, you’ll upgrade to the daguerrotype-telegraph when you get the hang of it.
Can I get the optional flashgun with the extra bright powder?
As long as you’re not negative about it, and use some AgCl when you flash in the park.
We’ll even throw in a gramophone with two cylinders of memory!
Believe it or not I already own a Victrola and dozens of seventy eights, some of which are the Edison label and very thick.
Mmmm…
Is that the sound you make when you bit your tongue?
b-i-t-e …when you bite your tongue?
Mmmm hmmm. Verily.
I agree. That’s a payback win!
*wonders whether Flag Girl is going to make it to the blog today*
*wheelie hopes she does*
If by “Flag Girl”, you mean DW, I was wondering where she’s been. Methinks the new class really must have her hopping.
Hee hee hee!
*waves flag*
On your mark…get set…GO!!
*sprints up*
*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE*
*jumps on passing wheel and runs off*
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
All is right with the world again!
I ENJOYED THIS!
just a heads up, your caps lock is on…
Reply comment win!
do i get a trophy? or maybe a new troll zapper… my tazer is getting worn out…
*attempts to taze troll*
*Tazer just fizzles a little and tickles the troll*
damn…
don’t worry i got this one!
*falcon punches troll*
my job here is done
That’s okay. the caps lock won’t stay on. It’s held on with the same kind of lug nuts as the car’s wheels.
ahh, how could i have missed that… thanks FI
Thanks for the heads up! I looked like a total idiot
NO YOU DID NOT! YOU LOOKED LIKE A DELICIOUS BLUEBERRY.
Blueberries are full of antioxidants, I hear.
And Swedish fish.
Lutefisk? Ew.
Bleeeeeecccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why did you invoke it!
You started it!!
Well, you took that ass pic!
I don’t even like jelly!
Eel not ready for that jelly!
Welcome to my world…
Oh come on! Don’t tell me the Chinese build our cars too. Just add French weaponry and you’ll have a tank that’s crappy by World War I standards.
wouldn’t that be a crappy car with a turret on top? unless the Chinese made car is really a tank…
Oh my bad, not turret, you said french made… must be silly string..
Turrets syndrome is no laughing matter. Fukimal!
You were not mistaken, above.
French weaponry – isn’t that an oxymoron, like government works?
Sadly, no.
No, the Japanese build our cars. Feel any better?
Apparently we can’t be allowed sharp objects these days…
No, this clearly isn’t Japanese. If it was, then the wheels would only come off if it was going to transform into a mech and/or tentacle-rape someone. This is just a crappy car.
Rule # 1 of motorized transport: Keep the wheels between you and the ground.
darn duct tape, said on the package it works on anything
musta meant Almost anything… hrmmm *gets magnifying glass to check fine pring*
hrmm, that’s not how you spell print last time i checked… oops
Fine PRing could work… If they get you to believe it works on anything when it doesn’t, that’s fine Public Relations indeed!
i suppose their tape holding up to anything would get them fine PR…
Wait… So you’re telling me that WASN’T a hover-car?
LOL. Hover-Car fail.
Hover-car training wheels fail.
That car never made it to 88 MPH.
Great scott! You’re right.
The car itself did not make it to 88 however though a wiring mishap the flux capacitor must of dumped the 1.21 Jigawatts needed must have been transmitted to the lug nuts… That means… *checks the chronotimer* they are in 1955 seducing your mother!
Pickled, you should stop drinking now.
At least this early in the day.
It’s always 23:27 somewhere.
Except when it’s 4:20.
No, it is not! it’s 23:27 a total of 24 times a day, but not all the time!
And even then, only in areas that use military time.
Sweets, most of Europe uses that way of telling time. Just so you know…
Really? I’ve only ever lived in Canada and Australia.
Silly, Canada and Australia don’t exist.
Just looked it up … apparently, everyone else on Earth uses it!
I’m Amurrican. I lost 40 pounds on the tube and I’m so damn skinny now!Can you look up “metric” for me? I just can’t wrap my head around it. It’s like, in some sort of ten things made of centipedes and millipedes? Sounds disgusting.
Dilly’s just timeless.
Awwwwww. I take it all back, above. “Can the [girl] tell time? Oh, my lord, no.”
She has people for that, dontjaknow.
My hand is vanishing!!!!!
Check your pants.
*Checks B2F’s pants* That’s not a hand!! *whimpers*
You found the innuendo machine then?
Crap, it’s in someone else’s pants.
Onoooooooo. I just read that back. What was I thinking.
That’s it for me then for today.
HAHA!! That was awesome!!!! tee heee heee!!
Aja had a rough day getting the point. I hope he sleeps well “and dreams of large women.”
stupid, stupid, stupid!
were you the mechanic? or did you do something unintelligent?
both
ah fair enough
Nice avvy, GIWU.
thank you. I love a good looking truck.
Wheels fell off!!! Did you notice?
No.
We ‘murricans need a distinguished British narrator saying “…and here is the point at which the wheels start to come off”
OH I love David Macaulay.
Apparently, red cars DO actually need lug nuts too.
And naughty girls? Need lug too.
Thank you SOOOOO much for the earworm. It’s not even the whole song going through my head. Just the part you allude to.
Grrrrrrr!
Just for you, Fox-y:
Baby don’t let me be misunderstood
Temporary love’s so bad, but it feels so good
Then along came you, now I know it’s true…
Gee, thanks.
Here, you can get it out with some Paula.
Do you really wanna love me forever
Oh, oh, oh
Or am I caught in a hit-and-run?
Straight up, now tell me
Is it gonna be you and me together
Oh, oh, oh
Or are you just havin’ fun?
DILLY!!!! You stop that right now!
Thanks, Dragon. To much Paula is just wrong…..wrong….wrong.
Entirely correct. No one should be muching Paula – especially not in Much.
You know what the favorite song is in Much?
You should’ve been gone
Knowing how I made you feel
And I should’ve been gone
After all your words of steel
Oh I must’ve been a dreamer
And I must’ve been someone else
And we should’ve been over
Oh Sherry, our love
Holds on, holds on
Oh Sherry, our love
Holds on, holds on
I’ll get you for this.
Hee!
New movie’s showin… so you’re goin
Could care less about the five you’re blowin
Theatre gets dark just to start the show
When you spot a fine woman sittin in the front row
She’s dressed in yellow, she says “Hello,
Come sit next to me you fine fellow”
You run over there without a second to loose
And what comes next, hey bust a move
Okay, watch closely everyone. I’m about to employ one of the classic uses of duct tape.
*advances on Dilly*
Yikes! Must…employ…escape tactics…
Kyrie Eleison
Down the road that I must travel
Kyrie Eleison
Through the darkness of the night
Kyrie Eleison
Where I’m going will you follow
Kyrie Eleison
On a highway in the light
Me go fast! Vrrrrmmmmm! Me go round curve! scccrrrreeech, vrmmmmmm! Me go no where now!
Unpossible!
This is actually an excellent metaphor for Bush’s exiting the White House…
And not just one wheel, but all four.
LMAO
Fantabulástic!
is that a real spanish word?
Yes, estupendocalifragilisticestupalidocious! Learn Spanish.
Sea seno Rita.
This is Mazda’s new advanced breaking system.
When you have too much Zoom! Zoom!, Mazda offers the new option of Scrape! Scrape!
Wow
A pretty new face 
Welcome Diana 
Careful, SB – she posted on here earlier today, but her screen name was “Dianaisinsane” – just watchin’ out fer ya, bud!
Oh, hi, Diana. I didn’t see you standing there. Hey, whatcha doing with that knife? Hey…..oh, no…don’t…..NO…..AARRRGGHHHHH!!!
*grins cheerfully* Don’t worry, it’s only a flesh wound. I would never bump off a fellow Steelers fan.
Welcome to Failblog, Diana! You’ll do well here.
psh, you guys never greeted me… and I’ve been active in troll-tazing, too!
*squeeze*
Welcome!
psh.. I was never welcomed here either…
When my son was expecting his first, he was really into music, instruments, speakers, etc. In fact, he joked that his first child was going to be named “Ibanez”. I think of that every time I see you post. She turned out to be a girl — named “Alexandria Skye”. Much better than “Ibanez”, IMO.
P.S.: Welcome!
Well it appears to have broken alright!
I was thinking the new Mazda anti-theft device. Works pretty well, too.
News Release:
Mazda has announced their new Advanced Breaking System along with a small change in the company’s theme phrase. Instead of “Zoom Zoom Zoom” the new phrase will be “Zoom Screeech Boom”
Click, click, boom?
Makes me salivate.
I fully recognize that this question suggests a total lack of intelligence on my part, but how do I change my avatar to something more interesting than a pretty blue pattern?
When your 30 day trial period expires, you will have an option at the bottom of the screen.
http://www.gravatar.com
.
Or, if that’s been blocked it’s wwwDOTgravatarDOTcom
geez velvet, you never let me have any fun with the newbies.
Sorry! I’m a bit stressed today. I.T. isn’t cooperating with me on running the W-2’s so I can stuff them and mail them by Friday.
.
So it looks like I’ll be working a super-late night this week to get them done by Thursday am.
Thanks, velvet!
BTW, I’m a newbie poster but a long-time lurker – I have already learned to be skeptical of B2F’s “helpful” advice. : )
Awwww crap. I hate it when that happens.
Is it just me or is Diana channeling The Exorcism of Emily Rose?
HAHAHAHAHA!
Wait – I am so confused – how am I channeling?
Who, not how.
*grin*
Fine, then. Whom am I channeling? And how am I doing so? (:-P)
I believe it’s a comment on your avatar.
Wait – really? Are you implying I look like the title character? Because I’ll take that as a huge compliment – she’s very pretty – as long as you don’t just mean I look totally possessed
Well, I’m not the one who made the comment, so you’d have to ask bod about that.
To me you look like Melissa Gilbert.
I was thinking the Breck girl. Any way you slice it it’s good, though.
Nobody looks that cute unless they have a particularly dirty secret.
Trust me. It’s the same with me.
*hopes that people will realise that ‘cute’ is used as per British idiom*
Well, your spelling of ‘realize’ tipped us off to the Brit thing.
Oh, you and your aberrant spellings. It’s so adorable!
No, you’re adorable! *tickle, tickle*
STOP RIGHT THERE
I’m sorry, It’s just that I’m far too ticklish for that. It makes me go all kinds of undignified.
*opens black book and notes Bod’s ticklishness*
This will come in handy later.
Just remember that sheep can’t turn themselves over.
Google “sheep stuck on its back” and watch for yourself. (It’s not pretty!)
Doesn’t apply, Aja. I’ve got the turning over down.
Would you teach me?
Quit messing with the pretty gurl!
Look! You’ve made her insane already!
Wait! Forget that.
(Never mind, the insane one always like me.)
Eh, I’ve been insane for a good long while now. Though I must say, some of the commentary here (particularly the Spanish verbal porn) has contributed. *wonders how ‘cute’ in Brit English differs from American English*
That’s not porn – Lou and I are exchanging recipes. But my Spanish is very poor.
Recipes?
I was assuming you were teaching me automotive mechanics!
Hot on my tail as always, eh babe?
Ah, I see. You’ll have to direct me to the source of some of your dishes – they sound terribly intriguing.
Thanks, all, for the favorable comparisons, btw, though I confess I’m not quite sure to respond to the suggestion that I look like I’m in my 40s.
The Mellisa Gilbert reference? *gets defensive* wasn’t me!
Not a day over 21. Am I right?
Pretty close – a few weeks shy of 23.
Although, to be fair, that picture is a few years old. So actually, age-guessing WIN to you.
I’m an old man…that’s all I have going for me. That and the time I met the Dalai Lama.
Have you really met the Dalai Lama, Norm, or is that just a line you use on all the new PYTs?
*giggles at the thought of being considered a PYT, then considers the implications with respect to Michael Jackson and shudders*
At least Mickey J had the courage of his convictions. He did, as promised, start with the man in the mirror.
Judy, darlin’?…Did I use that as a line on you?
I believe you have your answer.
You sweet talker, you. But from what I’ve seen on this blog, I was probably a freshman in HS when you were a senior. PYT, I’m not. At least, not the “Y” part.
“Do the D.A.N.C.E.
1 2 3 4 fight
Stick to the B.E.A.T.
Get ready to ignite
You were such a P.Y.T.
Catching all the lights
Just easy as A.B.C.
That’s how you make it right!”
I got mine for shouting “first” and then spasmodically banging my head on against the keyboard…
Exit, stage left!
.
.
.
(sorry, couldn’t resist!)
http://www.gravatar.com should do the trick, and it’s not a lack of intelligence. We’ve all been there.
So, there apparently ARE limits to duct tape.
lol, He should of used duck tape, it’s MUCH stronger.
AFLAC!!!!
^ I laughed, out loud! Thanks LB. AFLAC!
Anyone who thinks there are limits to duct tape lacks imagination!
…That’s all I’m sayin’.
: P
: | |
: ||
>:[
Windows XP
That was sweet.
You can always count on rednecks for a good fail.
Thanks red states! Keep it up.
Hi, thanks for your inane comment. I guess you’ve got a much better monitor that the rest of us, that you can see the color of the driver’s neck.
“Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.”
Coming Soon
“The Fast & The Furious 10: We no longer give a f***.”
“The Fast & the Furious: Tennessee Skid”
“The Fast & the Furious: Farewell 2 Rims”
But you will need plutonium.
*checks package that just arrived in the mail*
Got Some!
Never get it from the Libyans!
No……. this is the really good stuff, trust me, I can tell;
everything in my house just cooked when I opened the lid.
Damn! I need a new maid now!
Where would one send one’s application for the position? (And I use the term ‘position’ in the physical sense!)
Do you have any experience raping?
Massive fail X-D
But the hamster is dead.
Did you have something to confess, Emily Rose?
*idly replaces her dart-gun into its holster* I have no idea what you’re talking about. It was just his time.
Heh, I can’t read. dilly and idyll popped in my head. I’m dylexisc. Yours made so much more sense.
*Sobs* Rrraalphie is dddead? Nooooooooooo!
DAMN YOU FAILBLOG!
You’re gonna fit riiiight in here!
Welcome!
NNNOOOO!!!!! That did *NOT* just happen to a gorgeous Mazda RX-7 FD3S!!
This was the ultimate photoshop hack!
I refuse to believe it! Just as I refuse to believe in the existance of the pit crew whom I just had sent to the shark tanks for their negligence!
(OTOH, thankfully, there is no irreparable damage to the body of the car.)
*gives munch a Twix candy bar*
.
There, there. It’s ok.
*CHOMP!* Thanks!
But, still, you just don’t treat an FD3S that way. I mean, it’s like keying a Porsche, or placing a lit M80 underneath a Stingray Corvette. You … just … don’t … DO … that!
Those bastards will pay, I swear it!
i agree, be nice to the Rx7, and the stingray, but porsche sucks squirrel balls.
Skwerlly Bob? Care to weigh in on this? Is this the front porsche or the back porsche?
the fd is a beautiful machine… we need to get the Japanese sports cars of the mid-late 90s back… FD3S, Z32TT, MkIV Supra… these were spectacular automobiles.
all 4 wheels? seriously? thats a damn good job.
And a quite useful one for those low clearance bridges.
Damn right. I gotta get me one of those for the burger king drive-thru!
Lulz atleast one wheel kinda stayed on……alittle….
When I was about 9 years old my father had a bad a$$ 69′ Chevelle SS, he was constantly tinkering with it and I being the child I was (still am at times) watched him with enthusiasm, watching how he used tools and what they were intended for. I once saw him use a 4 way lug wrench to break lugs aloose from a wheel that had been put back on at a shop by using the stand on it technique and also the beat the lug wrench with a hammer technique. Always wanting to help my dad he said he needed to work on the back breaks, I had seen this done before and knew the wheel and tire needed to come off, so using my knowledge gathered from watching him I set off to help, found the lug wrench and a hammer, I was proud, I had taaken all of the lugs off. But my dad forgot to tell me that he still needed parts. He came out, got in his car and before I could tell him what a fine job I had done, he puts the car in gear, starts to take off and boom! there comes the rrear right tire and wheel………….I hid for 4 hours, lol.
Whoa LOL. Was he ok after 4 hours?
I still got a good whoopin, not as bad as it would have been if he had gotten ahold of me right at the moments after.
TL;DR
If you were from the Tropics, you’d be so much cooler. You should move. But don’t go full retard.
DUDE! Way to try to impress the dad! Glad to see you survived long enough to joke about it today!
Poor RX-7. I can haz wheels?
You can haz a boot back to ICHC you lolcat.
Oh, be nice. They can occasionally visit. My own child is an ICHC-er. And I still love the deviant.
Oh how I wish this would happen to all the little street racer a-holes that come to my neighborhood.
oh look! there goes the right tire … uhm – why is it overtaking me? o_O
why do none of my posts appear?
I’m doing this to mess with Saint’s ^. May God forgive me.
except that one. ^
I could do something like that. lol.
“442 Failures in Communication”??? What a bizzy, bizzy blog we’ve been today!
Seems like we’re due for a new fail soon…
I think it’s 1 am and 4 am that the next ones show up, Pacific Time, or that’s what Admiral said once (IIRC). I’m usually up then, but I live in the future from Failblog’s reality. Like Barbie said, “math is hard!”
What time zone are you in, Dilly? I’m eastern (just hit ten p.m. here)
As am I! The only proper time zone.
May I hope, daresay, that you may also be a Steeler fan? *waits on baited breath!* (whatever the hell that means!)
Sadly, I wish I knew anything about sports, I keep coming in second at Quizzo
(Psst but I’m in their state)
Gonna have to google that one….
OK. PA, I can deal with that. Go, Steelers! (Here we go….Pittsburgh’s goin’ to the Super Bowl!)
Yeah, we JUST missed that one. Good thing, when our baseball team won and the football team before that the city asploded and everyone was out in the streets flipping over cars and setting stuff on fire. I hate when we win.
How entirely unlike the city of Brotherly Love…
Seriously, my view of Philadelphia is unfortunately colored by a few unpleasant incidents and a father who grew up there, moved to Pittsburgh, and now refers to his hometown as Filthadelphia without a shred of sarcasm. That said, I have some charming cousins who live there. Do you live in the downtown area or in the surrounding sprawl?
I work in Chinatown but live right in the heart of the new city central gentrification…I call it Filthadelphia too:)
Do you really want to know? (It’s bated, BTW) I’ll understand if you don’t want a geekture…
Thanks. I’m new around these parts and don’t know much about the schedule.
One would think, but still….
So how you enjoying posting on the blog so far, newbie hammykins? (btw – Welcome!)
Excellent, thank you!
I’m seriously curious, what’s the length of time it takes to not be considered a noob these days? It seems to change daily, and I’m not being sarcastic, I’m really interested.
if this post shows up. i’ll… i’ll…. say something in it.
You just messed with the space-time continuum, and you will destroy us all. Dear god, what have you done??!
crap. on a stick. none of my earlier posts posted, and now i’ve posted again with different posts, which did post, so i’m a poster, and possibly an imposter, but definately not a poser, as i weigh 300lbs and me posing is just scary, so i’ll stick to posting posts that may or may not be posted posts, or holy ghosts, or cannoli goats, i don’t know, i’m confused, someone make it stop!
Stop. (But leave the cannolis!)
He made my mind asplode. Dragon, fix this space-time mess or we’re all doomed! Doomed, I say!!
I fixed it hours ago!
…Crap.
*grabs wrench and heads to fix SPT*
*meets self both coming and going*
That was…interesting.
*dives in and starts fixing*
Ahhhhh! Back to normal. Normal, that is, but with cannolis! Thanks, Dragonwriter! don’t know how we could have done it without you!
Oh, she’s not done yet…only the helmet can save her now!!
I haven’t even started yet.
…Crap.
*grabs wrench and heads to fix SPT*
*meets self both going and almost gone*
Huh. Weird.
*dives in and starts fixing*
˙ɯǝןqoɹd ɐ ǝʌɐɥ ןןıʇs ǝʍ ʇɐɥʇ ʞuıɥʇ ı ’sǝıpɐן ɥn
*pɐǝɥ ɹǝɥ uo spuɐʇs* Yikes, you’re right!
Only hope and Dragon can save us now.
˙ɹǝʌıɹpʍǝɹɔs ɔıuos ɐ puɐ ǝsoɥʇ
¡uıʍ oɥʍ ɹoʇɔop ¡sǝʎ
I was going to fix it, but it never broke!
…Crap.
*grabs wrench*
*meets self both hither and thither*
That’s odd…I didn’t think I’d ever been thither.
*dives in and starts fixing*
You’ll like thither. Good schools and easy access to the ski resorts.
Whew! I’ve made it to the bottom of the page.
Now I have been barfed on, slipped on troll gore, have earworms, a case of crabs, shot with a dart gun, wrapped in duct tape, lost in time and it has come to my attention I may still be a newb.
*Falls thither.*
Fancy meeting you here!
It seems I have dropped in.
*Hugs*
How has your shaping of young minds been going?
Damn, that RX-7 got wasted. What a shame. Pit crew and drift fail.
Considerin’ how they all came off at once, I wonder if it’s a setup
looks real bad
whooops
In this video, the guy bought the wrong size of lug nuts!
Funny tho
LOL< I bet some lugnut lost his job on that one! LOL
RT
http://www.total-privacy.us.tc
That’s a fairly old video now. It happened back in ‘07. Long story short when he bought the racing wheels the shop he bought them from gave him lug nuts, but they were the wrong lugs. You can get an certain english thread lug nut to thread onto a metric stud and feel tight, but it won’t actually hold. That’s what happened to this poor S.O.B.
Poor RX-7!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
poor rx-7? i feel worse for the guy who has to pay to fix that flaming piece of flaming shit.
1/2″x20 lugnuts are not the same as the M12×1.25 lugnuts this RX7 needs.
did they really blow it on all 4 of em? lol
they pimped his ride
epic win! I submitted this video!
This is one of the sadder fails on the site. I almost cried when I saw it
Probably the only reason the average is 4 1/2 instead of 5 is because too many people were laughing too hard and missed the 5 button.
Ah Yes, something similar happened to me. But I was on a motorcycle, so it hurt about 10 times more. LOL.
Okay, if one falls off, somebody screwed up; if two fall off, then two people screwed up; if four fell off, then they must have tried to fail!
I don’t know what to say.. WTF!?
The pit crew better be happy that wasn’t me that happened to.
I guess that guy failed his drivers license.
Aww WTF?!
D
Wow major fail XD
i bet they all got shot .
Terms of use fail.
removing vids from a failsite = Fail
This was supposed to be up there ^… but something happened that I don’t fully understand and now it’s down here.