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Cheezburger Company Blog
i can no haz grrls?
You can have raisins if you want.
Akshully, I prefer a date with dilly.
Hold the pickles?
i’ve just the one, darlin’, and feel free
it looks like he’s trying to market my patented wunder boner, but there’s only 2 in existance, and both of them are mine. ?
I don’t believe you have two wunder boners, enjoy your hand.
Not sure what you see when you turn out the light,
But I can tell you, dilly’s got mine.
.
(…and that’s a dilly-gent allusion, no illusion, Looserin’)
IT makes my taco pop!
IT helps me configure tcp.
Are you down with tcp?
Yeah, you know medica!
Yes, she is.
Pssst (medica’s very much a boy)
he is??? then cancel that whole” tight” thing. tcp, doesn’t do male on male action!
Pity, I had the camera set up.
*goes on rampage, and destroys camera*
There, now you don’t have a camera set up, you don’t have to feel pity
Pffft! Last time Dilly offers to hold your camera!
Not to worry, I had one in the corner of the room! Peter told me how to set it up.
Bicameralism?
LMAO
Holy text pyramid Batman!
No.
That’s what she said.
I’ve actually never had a cheeseburger in my life.
Neither have I. Allergic to cheese
*prefers soft veggie taco belles*
he he he he
I wonder whose?
Can we say….. photoshopped?
well we had worse…lots of “boy toys” n “water with w/o with w/o with w/o”
107th!!!!
hahah! # FAIL, theres no such thing as 107!
^ can’t count that high, believes it doesn’t exist
The number zero is both real and imaginary.
Loved your comment…
the number 1 is not prime.
The number 3.14159265 is pi.
no 3.14159265 is an approximation of pi. only pi is pi.
mmmm, pie
Well, actually it’s not… it’s just an approximation.
that’s approximately what JffCmpbll said…
Obviously a poof.
cheeseburger win?
ooops… forgot to take my name back
You’d BETTER KEEP it this time. I’m sick and tired of people stealing my name. I refuse to change it because of trolls, but this is getting really ridiculous.
Yeah, he needs to keep his protuberance out of your business!
Don’t you starch with me, young man!
Oh k-k-k-katy… I’m not a troll. I was just teasing you. k-k-k-keep your name,
it’s sweet and looks good on you.
So what’s on side 2?
Who’s on the backside.
(What’s the guy flipping burgers.)
Oh, I’ll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these fast food workers now-a-days very peculiar names.
Strange names, pet names…like Dizzy Dean… ?
I don’t know is probably the manager.
That’s where they serve up the meat between his buns.
No, that’s where they serve the potatoes.
The vicar got unusually excited when they asked if he wanted fries with that…
…whereupon he felt this strange urge to hang curtains in the…
…living room, but he felt a bit unbalanced, and…
…he saw a potato on a…
…whim.
Oddly enough the whim started to move slowly around the room. Suddenly…
… it exploded and sent shrapnel into…
It just means that you’re too fat to get a girl =P
Girls have cooties anyway.
Enjoy your cheeseburger, virgin.
At least he’ll always have Grimace to hang out with. He doesn’t seem much like the dating type either.
So if Mayor McCheese has a burger for a head, is the Hamburglar a zombie after his delicious brain?
just because he says girls have cooties, doesnt mean he’s a “virgin” in the literal sense. think about that.
Yeah, how do you think he found out about girl cooties, anyway?
He heard the other guys talking in the locker room.
INSULT WIN!
I was too busy gawping at the other boys to spend time listening to them.
Hee! *sees Solomon’s No Girls Allowed sign on treehouse*
Solomon, have you meet Mr. Cuddles?
Or Bod?
Actually, Bod – have you met Mr. Cuddles?
Lessee…we have Bachelor #1, #2, and #3!
Excellent. Let the hi-jinks begin!
Bachelor #1: If you were ice cream, what flavor would you be?
If the moon were made out of barbecue spare ribs, wouldja eat it?
Tell us just how you would go about, “tossing the salad”.
And bachelor #3, french, thousand island, or ranch?
i prefer the french…they’re so wild…just like mookie
Did you say what’s the flava when I scream? Sorry, Peter Parker put a potato in my ear, I can’t hear you very well.
I don’t think I have. Is he cute? And more importantly, does he have a brother?
you can haz meh
I do has meh, in sufficient amounts.
Offer advice on transcending meh and we’ll speak again.
It’s a good bet he Kant.
(clicky for nonmeh)
Is this a nesting fail or just really weird? Cause both the post and video have nothing to do with anything
At certain stages of development, a child learning a new schema will ignore factual information contrary to that schema while it is in the process of being mastered. In language acquisition, for example, children first learn individual words, and learn more generalized grammatical rules afterwards. A younger child may initially use the word “bought” correctly, for instance, only then to begin saying “buyed” while he or she is mastering the grammatical schema wherein the past tense of regular verbs is formed by adding “-ed” to the word stem. That child will continue to say “buyed,” notwithstanding being offered the correct alternative, until such time as he or she has competent mastery in forming regular past tense verbs using “-ed.”
.
Similarly, some among us will simply ignore references to noumenal reality, deontological ethical principles, and rational willed impositions upon situational being, during that period of their lives when they remain fascinated by jokes referencing boners. (This is known to both educators and pharmacists as the special “ed” mentality.)
It gets better and better, fuzzy…
LOL. You misspelled odditier and odditier beyond belief.
LOL I’m just so new! Isn’t there some sort of container or fish I should use for spelling errors?
BONER!
Methinks you are new around here, so I will explain. This is not a nesting fail – it ended up exactly where intended. Very rarely do the comments have anything at all to do with the fail at the top. In fact, that kind of comment would be an oddity beyond belief.
The comments herein are only intended to amuse the participants, and as such may be really weird, as the link I provided above. I don’t know how I ran across it. Another such would be Ryannon’s penis bouquet from a ~month ago. Ask her.
Seriously? You’re kidding, right?
Ummmm….he’d BETTER be kidding!
Methinks, dilettante, you are simply too lovely and delightful. You know, like one of those beings you only really see truly when the conditions of your heart are just so, and then you realize they were always already there.
Baby, it’s almost like you and I are the same person with different avatars, cause I feel the same way about you. You’re my just so story.
I know, what?
Kidding about what? I’m confused.
Neener, I am assuming it is the link from Titaniumspork’s comment earlier in the thread.
Neener, that made me smile.
You are welcome.
That would be me. And thanks, glad you (and your friends) liked it!
If I’m understanding the train of thought correctly, Neener saw your video and it reminded him/her, “Hey! I saw a video through another person’s name link and it was awesome!” So Neener posted about liking the video and thought, “Hey, while I’m at it, why don’t I share a video I liked in the same way?” At least, that’s my assumption.
If I’m understanding your assumption correctly, Neener saw a shiny.
Good morning all. Yep, saw the link to the coffee song, forgot who linked to it (thanks again Spork!) and in response threw up a link to something I found. Mookie liked it which is good enough for me!
Now, on with the… ooohhh, a shiny!
they misspelled “F*CK #317″
No, silly, it’s the name of a soccer team.
They’re playing FC Hamburg next week.
B3nd it over like Beckham and I’ll show you a good sport.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!
So…can I still put my fries in it?
You can put ur fries in me XD
I prefer potatoes. whole ones. with ShamWow!
*brandishes potato menancingly*
are you sure you’re ready? hmmm?
Feel freedom, DrB.
Fries, like girls, are best coiled and curved.
“Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.”
~ bumper sticker fuzz saw yesterday
.
(though the tasteful Admiral has the mettle to prove a good and willing fry-ee to a fair and fooming fry-er)
Variation found on website (click name for many bumperstickers and shirts)
Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good.
And for his mettle…he gets a medal!
Made of metal.
Because I like it when he meddles.
I found this for you.
Heeeeeeee! One of my favorites!
Thanks, Neener.
… in the middle of the meadow?
Only if they’re super sized
You fail for eating such disgusting and unhealthy food (if you want to call it that)
But it tastes so good…
Grease = Yum
Stomach Cancer=Yummy
= Not Funny imo
but recommend as preventative copious chiles.
LllusionX = not funny at all, anywhere.
If he read some Eggers he would get a clue.
Now, off to Scoville with me…
hmm? too logical?
Ahh….don’t you love the smell of smug superiority in the morning…?
Especially when it’s unfounded!
I wish it was lost instead of unfounded.
Well, there is that.
Where?
but girls arent disgusting or unhealthy…
WOW. just…WOW.
WOW. *staggers into a doorjamb* AH! I’ve blackened my eye!
Like Lifetime: Television for Women, here comes Cheeseburger: Food for Sloppy Dateless Freaks.
And LOLcats.
Nah, taht would be cheezburger, spel it rite.
No way did a lolcat just correct your spelling, PoB..
It’s accurate enough. I don’t see any girls. My life is so depressing.
(pssst. You won’t meet the nice ones in maccas. Take up a hobby like latin dancing, or join a hiking club, or…shit, anything but looking for gals in maccas)
He should get a puppy. A puppy will get him so many girls it’ll be ridiculous. And he didn’t ask about NICE girls :p
Puppies bring the boys around too. I take mine everywhere and men get as giddy as women when they see him being all friendly.
*gets giddy*
Take me!
(hint: try looking for girls somewhere other than fail blog.)
Yeah, all the good ones are taken.
I have nothing against the bad ones.
*grins*
Although you’d like to, eh? Wink wink nudge nudge say no more.
Click my name!
Make me!
*takes out electri whip and oil*
oh wait, that’s mookie’s sorta thing…do you like it?
Y’all don’t look at old fails, do you…I like more than that…
A dillygent man pays caressful attention
(the more assiduous he is, the butter she likes it in the kitchen).
Huh?…what?…Oh, hahaha, I see what you did there, POB. You’re saying I’d like to have “something” against one of the bad girls here. That’s very clever.
*shhhh…you’re ruining it*
How would they wrap up a cheeseburger WITH girls?
I’m sorry, sir, that’s proprietary information and I’m not allowed to reveal that.
Man this looks photoshopped to me
Wowhate, he’s a threadkiller! A THREADKILLER!!
WASTE OF COMMENT
SPACE
sageru cain
To place down cain?
Has Abel got something to do with this mangled Japanese?
It is unwise for either of us to speak of it, Bond-chan,
but mangled 日本語が違います。
.
合
掌
The waste of comment space is made mainly by caine.
^ He’s got it. By George, I think he’s got it!
Abel and 4chan, my differently-abled Bond-chan.
.
[1] sageru here is not Japanese; it’s /b/tardish Japanglish (a distant cousin of Wapanese). In thread-speak, sage (from sageru [下げる]), is the opposite of “bump”; it is used to discourage the continuation of a lame thread.
It’s routinely employed on 4chan, and, though inspired by its forerunner in Japan, one doesn’t don’t talk about /b/. HA HA HA DISREGARD THAT AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO..
[2] A reference to the world’s purported first bad boy, “raising Cain” is metaphoric for “to act up or cause a ruckus.” Regarding the present waste of a comment, “sageru” was proffered in a sentiment opposed to any “raise” for our unsagely caine.
.
gassho
.
.
[FB in its infinite wisdom blocked an initial effort to post this; there may be duplication ... so much DRAMA!!]
^Is it raining on the plains of Spain where you are, Fuzz?
Mainly.
It’s apparently raining on my parade in space.
(Tried to reply earlier to you regarding “comment space,” but that got blocked, and a second try at it is now showing up in the wrong comment space. It’s a Doolittle-too late, FB.)
Probably a good thing to stay away from cannibalism anyway…
You seem uncertain… What did you eat for breakfast?
That one crepe up on me; I ’bout missed the subtle Admiral’s boat altogether.
what are you putting in your crepes again?
Pursuant to the theme of the present thread, I’ll have to go with crepes and bloods. Otherwise, as vegetarian, I will aver my previous stated preference for soft dillied tickles on a belle’s belly.
Strawberries and nutella and PCP, standard Saturday brunch.
The hotel where I was staying was offering it for free, and I can’t resist a good muff in the morning!
Muffin ventured, muffin gained.
^ Studmuffin.
I like my girls cheesy
Cottage cheesy is not a good sign in your girls.
I find it disconcerting you could find a sign in a girl: that must need excruciatingly painful surgery!
Some mothers put license plates in the underwear of their sons. Stranger things have happened.
“Some mothers”, hm?
Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?
One would assume very carefully. Gingerly even.
I guess the vanity plates are worn in the front.
One would hope so!
If there’s more wear on the fronts that’s where they’ll take the pro-rating from…
Some clarity issues. See me after class.
*adjusts spectacles*
It’s just a tire-d joke Bod. Yer avatar looks to be ‘what if Bucky Katt were the chestburster in Alien?’ My god, I DO have clarity issues!
GIRLS… all I really want is girls
Then get off the internet, cowboy.
Girls are not to be found on the internet, really? Ninja, please.
Besides, any cowboy worth his salt could stay on the internet for at least 8 seconds…
The leaves of memery seemed to make
A mournful rustling in the dark.
~Henry Wadswerth Lengfellew
Jeez! No need to lay into me like that, fuzz…wait, what?
then order the opposite of what they ordered.
Sir, you’ve been illing erratically. I’ll need to see your license.
I think I left it at the boutique. Let me call Paul.
You and Paul are really having trouble communicating lately…
Sorry, I left it in my other underwear.
Karma Chameleon just popped on to my tele. Off topic, I know.
I’m watching Real Genius, do I win?
Okay, now I’ve just put on Flying High (aka Airplane, where you are).
Gotcha?
The first Batman’s on next :p
Ew. Let’s just watch Real Genius again, okay?
12 Monkeys is on at 2:30 but Real Genius isn’t over until 3! I’m panicking.
AAAAHHHHHHH!! What to do, what to do?????
I freaked out, so I’m watching Beetlejuice.
Ooh…nice save!
Not really, I just noticed it’s in Spanish
Crap. Is to too late to switch to 12 Monkeys?
Was Ladyhawke any good? I loved it when I was little, but 6-year-olds can’t pick ‘em.
I loooooove Ladyhawke. One of the only decent things Matthew Broderick ever did, IMO.
Ok, it’s settled then. I knew there was a reason we had it on laserdisc.
My choices at the moment are Miss Potter or Saved! Lucky me.
<_< Not sure if I’m messing up a pun/innuendo run, but my brother and I stayed up till 2 am last night watching a movie about surfing vampires. It was funny in its awfulness.
No puns or innuendo, for once, and I LOVE myself some vampire movies. And have a sick place in my heart that loves Blue Crush, but don’t tell anyone.
Tonight, on TRUE CONFESSIONS!!
Um…I have all the seasons of Buffy and Angel on DVD.
That’s NOTHING, Dragon, I own all the episodes of VIP. Not kidding.
I have a guilty pleasure of my own. Gilmore Girls.
Please be kind to me.
Don’t worry, I love Gilmore Girls too.
*shrugs shoulders*
I’ve seen every episode of “That 70s Show” at least 20 times.
I have ABBA’s greatest hits, and I own “Beastmaster” on DVD.
What is this, a pissing contest?
I…
*says with haughty superiority*
threw out my TV 10 years ago and haven’t missed a thing.
*throws rotten tomato at neener*
*grins*
Really, you haven’t!
Whatever, Dragon, I own Logan’s Run and LOVE Erasure.
Too true! My 11″ B&W Sanyo went kerfizzle with a little could of smoke and in the dumpster it went. People keep trying to give me one. I do watch some DVDs on the ol’ ‘puter, though. Examples might include:
or
or
or
Well, I had Scott Tenorman’s parents killed and fed parts of them to him in a bowl of chili, and then made him look like a crybaby in front of his favorite band, Radiohead, and drank some of his tears. It was so cool.
^cloud
Hee…I just thought we were confessing our guilty pleasures. I wasn’t trying to imply that my tastes were worse than anyone else’s!
(Even if I DO have a penchant for Vin Diesel movies.)
Dragon, I was only trying to make a joke. I was a little tired after researching that tintinnabulate thingy all evening.
Mmmm…tintinnabulation…
*daydreams*
I think I will watch my Ed Wood collection tomorrow.
Again for Dragon:
McClicky!
I… *whispers* I watched every episode of last season’s “America’s Next Top Model”. *hangs head in shame*
There there…
*pats ts19 on the back consolingly*
We still love you.
I WATCH PASSIONS. Yeah, I said it.
*takes a step back*
I…I need a moment.
Ah, hell. Who am I kidding? I like “Flash Gordon” and “Clash of the Titans”.
Flash Gordon is great! That’s no guilty pleasure.
cheeseburgers without girls? you mean there are girls that *Won’t* go to McDonald’s on a date? That’s just being high maintenance!
High maintenance? That sounds like the girls who would go to McDonald’s on a date, you know what I’m saying?
Oh, I think most girls will go to McDonalds on a date…one time. She’ll be washing her hair the next time you call.
OMG…his name is SNORK! ^^^
That just tickles the stuffing out of me.
His real name is “Tootor”.
*sews Casey doll back up*
Whew!
Theng-kew.
The real fail here is that he actually ordered a cheeseburger WITH girls.
But he asked for the receipt for just the burger ‘cos it was on expenses!
Duh folks, happy meal with a girl’s toy with everything (w/o {blank})
Thank you, Buzz Killington. Now wash your hands and get back to the fryer.
You misspelled “theng-kew”.
No, because it’s assumed to be with everything unless you specifically request otherwise. So if it was ordered the way you said, there would be no reason for the employee at the register to press the “w/o” key, thus no reason for the “w/o” to be on the receipt.
It’s okay man, I have my cheeseburger w/o girls too. Not by choice, but McDonalds just doesn’t deliver like it used to.
i wonder what wouldve happened if they said “With girls”?
also, i wonder if the people who got the actual receipt were girls.
nobody took that into account.
Thats Mcdonalds for ya.
“I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, ‘Give me two boys and a girl.’ ”
- Steven Wright
Polite *and* romantic?
I hope she’ll be as fry as french fries. Huummmm !!!!
you misspelled “flies”
At this point in the proceedings I will NOT make a tasteless joke-comment comparing a girl`s private parts to a cheeseburger. I have far too much class for that ok? However, perhaps mookie will go down…. that path.
theres nothing remotely close to “girls” that would go in a cheeseburger haha
And I know you like your ho-cakes.
Is that what they sell in Compton bakeries?
No, on Sloane Street.
*grin*
obviously if he got the cheeseburger WITH girl, he’d spoil his appetite for dinner.
How do you know its a guy?
I have a feeling it was the employee at the registers alerting the burger flipper of girls.
Is it a rare sight to see girls at McDonalds?
I’d think it would be about every other customer… or around there.
Go West, young woman!
That’s weird, I’m totally listening to the Pet Shop Boys and playing Oregon Trail.
“Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.”
You’re preaching to the choir, my admirable Admiral!
In russian brothels they give you receips too.
I do NOT need another recipe for borscht. Even if it has a happy ending.
I only learned about the “happy ending” yesterday. I gotta get out more often.
*bites tongue yet again*
That thing must be bleeding by now. Chinatown, here I come!
I hope this wasn’t a comment from NeenerNeenerNeener’s weener…
Eat too many of these, and you’ll never have a girl ever again.
Sweet! FIRST! =D
At what exactly?
Didn’t you see the “=D”? It’s the international symbol for “leave me here in my stark raving, sick, sad little world”!
Is that what it means? I’ve been mislead all these years.
Get the lead out, BFF.
I think I need to iron out a few details.
Just as long as you don’t try to copper a feel.
I try not to be boron’
*fixes BFF with a steely gaze*
Boron’? Far from it! Actually, you’re quite beryllium!
I wasn’t going to conTINue this nest, but I thought,
“When in chrome..”
Um…. is it really sad that I know that it means without a girls toy in the Happy Meal?
First job was at that horrible horrible hell hole they tried to pass off as a restaurant.
True story: I was at a Mickey D’s a few years ago, and there was a woman and her toddler sitting at a table nearby. The child was crawling about on the floor, behaving like any kid her age was supposed to. Her mother reprimanded her saying something like “We don’t crawl on the floor in restaurants”. To which the daughter replied “But we’re not in a restaurant mommy, we’re at Mc Donald’s!”
I couldn’t stop laughing. I looked at the mother and said “She’s got you there!” The mother agreed with me.
Hell hole? Were you compensated for your labor? Did you ask for the job, or were you sold into servitude? Did you use the money you erned for something constructive…charm school perhaps?
*earned*
Actually I used what little I did get paid to go to college.
But while 15 year olds who worked 20 hours less than me a week and BS’d around the whole time they were there got raises and promotions, I got belittled by managers on a power trip who were upset that they quit school at 15 and had kids so the only thing they could do with their life was be a McDonald’s manager.
I got my hours cut to nothing because I told my supervisor about the assistant manager calling me a whore to all the crew members.
So yes… call me bitter, call me vindictive, whatever. The store I worked in was a charming little slice of hell.
I will say though, that some of the stores out there are pretty cool, like the one with a Drive Thru for snowmobiles?
NO GIRLS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I keep looking, but I don’t see any girls… Seems like a win to me.
3th
We failed @ getting high = [
I work at McDonalds, and it’s called a grill slip kthx.
FIRST
sigh.
*brings out tazer*
TAZETAZETAZE!
That’ll teach ya.
ROFL, that’s a bad slip…
I can have girls with my burger… they just have to be low fat…
Talk to Avis, she is going to be a personal trainer. Maybe she can hook you up some orders in that fashion!
I would like some fries with my shake
WHAT A FAIL…… For being my first!! I meant Ryannon, tha Personal Trainer!! (Where’s the Troll cage, can’t win for loosing! )
*Hangs head down and waits for punishment*
You seem penitent.. Today we will go easy on you. Seventy lashes with
a wet noodle, and one bukkit splortch. Don’t do it again!
My nuts are itchy!
Cheeseburger is a nice guy. He’ll meet someone eventually.
Man, I think that guy just made the wrong choice.
Cheeseburger will never find someone – he’s greasy, fatty, and has limited social interaction skills.
Wow! That bukkit splortch was worst than the 70 lashes, but I will tell everyone that from experience, I would seriously suggest not to break the law without good reason, especially if the Troll cage is worst than what I got!
Now to take a wild chance at this….. Bob, try the wet noodles, I don’t itch anywhere today!
Wow! The bukkit splortch was worst than the 70 lashes! I will tell everyone not to make the same mistake as I did, unless it’s gonna be worth it!!
Well, I’m giving it a shot….. Bob, try a wet noodle, I don’t itch anywher today!
actually, the people who ordered probably didn’t want a happy meal toy, so the person at register punched it w/out a girl toy. that’s my theory at least.
Sorry about the repeat, still trying to learn THE WAY this works.
here’s another try…. From what i remember from working @ McD, it means that the customer wants a guy to serve them, instead of a girl. (Not saying how long ago it was, I already feel ancient as it is!)
Heh heh I usually got the old perverted guys who always wanted me to replace something that was stored in a bottom cupboard or below the counter so they could see me bend over… ugh.
I was once a young perverted guy that asked female co-workers to do that. But in the ’80s, they must not of minded it that much, I ended up dating 85% of them!
I think this is from the Vegas Macki-D’s on The Strip where every Happy (ending) Meal comes with a complimentary who-ore.
keep eating like and your life will be w/o girls.
Reminds me of when I worked at McDonalds, and on the receipt Sour Cream & Chive sauce would show up as “SCREAM”.
test
i would have taken it with girls xD
Dammit! I thought I told them to put on EXTRA girls!
I have a sudden urge to go into a McDonald’s and ask for a cheeseburger with girls.
Because of this comment, I now have one as well.
this can’t be real.