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Cheezburger Network Blog
FIRST!
First reply to the first!
Vaginal discharge
Your WHAT itches?!?
That may be true but to think of yourself is such a manner will not help your poor self-image.
WebMD is over there –>
this is old
that is [b]
that is cold —> ICE
that is cold —> ICE
Oh, billshatner. I’ve seen it before, it happens all the time.
You’re closing the door, you leave the world behind.
You’re digging for gold, you’re throwing away
A fortune in feelings, but someday you’ll pay.
*shells out*
Conch tba @ sunrise.
*hides in shell*
I have a bird I like to hold
/b/, you mean?
I think you’re right. The cochroach came from his vagina.
Better than the centipedes he normally keeps in there.
Talk about a foot fetish.
lol … that’s friky
“Centipedes? In MY vagina?? It’s more common than you think.”
Okay, off subject time. . .
.
Vince has a new commercial.
The SlapChop
You’re gonna love my nuts.
I think I hurt myself laughing.
Don’t you love how when he’s describing what you can make with the bonus Graty, he says “FREDicini, linguine, martini, bikini”?
The reason you’re going to slap every day. . . I’m still laughing.
We’re gonna make america skinny again, one slap at a time.
lol i love that one, i stared at the television for a second and then burst into laughter
I’m Old Gregg, I have a mangina!
right
^ oh buzzy, you sound just like that weatherman !
ooooo … you too, DapitiableFool !
Weatherman’s such a flamer he’s probably causing Global Warming.
He’s causing Al Gore?
He’s powering the internet!? But its a series of… oh I see his interest.
retaba=win
Time for him to go to the theater Pee Wee Herman went to.
Tubes.
Super win.
HAHAHA!
Witty comment WIN
Better response to first
Not really.
your name is…vagina…well either you are a perve or woman standing up for womens rights…
or a perve…
im gonna go with number three…
and if not that number 1
Hmmmm, to reach for my secret service tazer or not? such a hard decision.
*makes up mind*
Allright! You’re gonna get it!
TAZETAZETAZE!
*grabs tazer*
That’s enough out of you. All tazers must be handed over to me. Thank you!
Are you teasing me?
I don’t understand.
must’ve been a spelling fail.. TAZE HIM ANYWAY!!!
Don’t teaze me bro!
The one whom you address tragically does not recognize kinship.
polo…
*grabs tazer back in a sleight of heand*
Where were you yesterday? Hmmm? I called for you and your tazer, and you never appeared. I had to do you work for you with my special government issue troll stunning tazer, so actually you aren’t allowed to have have it. You have been warned.
Its my tazer,
and i’ll cry ifi want to
cry if i want to
you would cry to if it happened to youuuu
*badababa*
*bows*
LOLOL!!! When read this comment, an email arrived in my inbox and made a little beeping noise and it was a spam message from a company called TAZEMASTER!!! LOL!!!
Oh, looky, looky at me I have undersized genitals so I have to post first and say nothing funny or interesting at the same time.
Aw, you poor thing. Didn’t you take advantage of the spam messages you keep receiving? I don’t think I can help you with the lack of funny or interesting comments, though.
map
Hysterical!!
That was a beautiful thing
Gay, ban yourself.
Oh my Gawd!
That was so kyoot!!!! As for me I’m scream like a homo when I see a cockroach. He handled it well.
That thing was crawling on my leg!
Cockroaches have feelings too, you know.
Masculinity fail. Blatent Homosexual – Win!
Yes?
Uh?
Hmm?
What?
Where?
Excuse me?
Blue2thFairy?
There!
LOL MAN NICE HTML TRICK HOW DO YOU DO IT.
Mostly without using capslock.
Only my parents call me that!
not impressing anybody?
someone called me? what is it i’m busy you know
We need you in the medical bay! IMMEDIATELY!
psst: STAT
as in, “I need french fries, STAT!”
I was trying to think of a way to say this that didn’t sound like I’d learned it from tv. You win.
Met the child of a doctor because he ordered fries this way one evening. My head spun towards him (obviously).
LOL, my 9-year-old asked me for chocolate milk — STAT – earlier today.
lmao!
… TV?
nvm, he’s not gonna make it
the Madagasgar hissy fit cockroach
…Cartographers and Geographers alike were stunned today after fuzz discovered the little known nation called ‘Madagasgar’. The people of Madagascar are currently filing a complaint against the country.
^ a Madagasgar hissy fit
^goes over to sit in corner, mumbling it’s not own fault that self is pedantic on occasion.
*joins BFF in the corner, and mumbles:*
I’m just playing — TMI Service and I are poster kids for Pedanticbear and Typo-tease. In this case, though, there weren’t yet any posts up when I composed mine at 10:01, and I was hoping to get a comment relevant to the Fail in before the “First yawn.” So I hit the submit button without checking the spelling.
Pssh, I had already yawned AND had a hissy fit by 7am.
Damn multi-taskers. (grumble-grumble)
Managasper hissy cockroach?
so that’s why they close their ports at the drop of a hat!
LOL!!!hisss….LOL!!!!hiss….LOL!!!!
Methinks someone’s just pretending to be afraid of the cock
…Roach.
OMG get in the car . . . its a cockroach ! ! !
JESUS CHRIST!!! GET IN THE CAR!!!
Professionalism fail, too.
I was thinking the exact same thing.
I’d delete the “, too.”
No need to be macho manly man to be the freaking weather guy, but definitely a need to be able to stay on camera through a bug’s arrival.
If a freaking cockroach was on my leg, I would be more than squealing OH MY GAWD!! I would probably be doing a full throated 12 year old girl scream, ftw.
old but fail nonetheless
Same as you.
Episode VI: The Coackroach Strikes Back
Pussy.
Cat?
-tail?
-herine the Great?
-o’ nine tails?
-atonia?
-alogueraisonne?
-aclysmically?
-astrophe?
-aclysm?
*fail*
Ah, the fail-o-nine-puns. The scratches will be deep.
Especially since it’s made with shellacked halibut scales.
I needed some endorphins. Chiles didn’t do enough today.
Stat?
*gets out the potato peeler*
-atesse?
-alytic converter?
-amite?
No, Dynamite.
-egorical failure ^
A napoleon complex, no doubt.
-WhatTheHeckIsGoingOnHere
WIN
That only works in Pleasantville.
first
just joking of course
You sure are, you sure are..
That’s what they all say. . .
They all say “You sure are”?
Of course “they” do. Didn’t you know that?
Are they watching now? *shifty eyes*
Always.
Sure they are.
Jesus, they are everywhere!
-stares- -smirks-
Everywhere,
people stare…
OHMIGAWD!! A BEATLE!!!
*runs shrieking off camera*
I get weird looks when I pick up bugs around the office and carry them outside.
Let it be Dragon.
Hee…!
A true gentle man.
*Squeezes Ringo Starr*
Which of the 4?
A ring of five, obviously.
Better cash out before the flames get you.
Please, more chiles.
Ring of fire subject to tolerance.
*hands medica the Preparation H*
*saves for guests*
HAJAJAJAJAJHJHAJAJA
When black dudes are gay they really don’t hold back on how gay they are, do they
you should see gay Chinese dudes.. they make black gay dudes seem positively virile
and you should read red neck bigot ignorant racist homophobic wins.
oh, that’s you. sorry. peace men.
Crying Hippie Fail.
Either that, of you’ve never seen a gay comedian. Man, they’re way cattier than that.
in fairness, the poster did need to look up “virile”
No, he just misspelted viral.
oooo … slaggingham … you sound so worldly
and wordy.
tsk, tsk, Your name calling needs work: Should be: ignorant racist homophobic redneck. (I removed ‘bigot’ because ‘racist’ covers that)
you’re right! but how do fit “demagogue” in?
I think: ignorant racist homophobic redneck demagogue!
Sounds good to me.
I thought a demagogue had something to do with a church?
Myke, cast out syn.
I forget the title now, but I recall a documentary in which a pair of young Asian gay men were interviewed about their habit of beating the living shit out of homophobes who gave them any grief. They were healthy, fit, and had a bit of martial arts training. They thoroughly enjoyed exploding Asian gay stereotypes, while getting in a work out at the same time.
You know what would be really funny? If they actually embodied all of the Asian gay stereotypes – up until the point where they started beating guys up.
You see, that way, long after the bigot’s body has healed, his mind will still be reeling – “Did I just get beat up by a queen? No! Can’t be! I mean, really?”
Breaking bodies is all well and good, but breaking *minds* is even funner.
And a lot more permanent!
*proof*
*pudding*
*POPS!*
*weasels!*
*bad words on wiki!*
much as oath (swearing is a sin, or? as such, lifelong moral contradiction)
Well…yesssss…but (nah) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weasel_words
sweet, thanks
Reminds me of a guy a friend of mine ran into at a party once. He was a huge, hulking bodybuilder, about 6′8″ of solid muscle… and he was wearing a T-shirt that said “That’s MR. Faggot to you”.
Please. Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if they like having their fudge packed…but do they have to act that way in public? Seriously, it’s annoying!
oooo … Razass … you feel all entitled to post annoying tripe this way in public !
Gosh you’re right, I hate it too when people act so heterosexual in public, it’s such bad taste !
Bad too ? When children act like brats in public !!! We should stone them to death !
But the worse ? Is when an ignoramus leaves a stupid comment (and IN PUBLIC TOO !!!) about homosexuals.
I don’t mind straight people as long as they act gay in public.
Peace women?
You spelled pease wrong.
And he wasn’t talking to a women.
*winks at dilly*
*winks*
Now where is that gentlemen?
Over-worked and under-paid, how terribly sweet of you to inquire.
You guys are where?
Ugh! typing fail. Missing – Busy writing a book on fairies. . .
Brian Froud would be Proud.
Is he sitting on a cloud?
I sort of want to ask him! He lives in Devonshire, one of the morning crew may know his whereabouts, perhaps?
More of a Short character.
LOLOLOL.
FTMFW.
Amen. FridayThursdayMondayFridayWednesday would really split up the week better.
Not necessarily for weekend parents; please don’t
*um, now feels bad for no good reason*
*gives dilly a cookie*
*sniff* *mancookiesreallyhelp*
*YIKES! Man, I suck at punctuation! *nosuchthingasmancookiesonehopes*
Pending subinscision.
sorry go ahead
arbitrary calendar is arbitrary
BTW, one of my best friends is a gay metalhead. And he’s more masculine than most hetero guys I know.
I hope he won’t die too early, because he’s too fat, smokes too much, drinks too much, parties too hard…
link please LOL
Yeah? What do you want? And you spelled my @#$%ing name wrong too, every a$$hole does that.
Yo, Linc, you need to modsquaderate your language, man.
What? And lose my street cred? I don’t &$#@in’ think so!
That’s what Zelda said oooooooo
LOL
Actually, I’d have to say that southern gay dudes are the gayest of the gay.
yeah like that rodeo guy from Texas in Brokeback who rode angry Brahma bulls for fun … i bet you could stay on them much longer than that southern guy
I knew a gay guy who always claimed that he got more redneck ass than any other – Seems that a lot of homophobia really is repressed homosexuality (I used to think that was a just an anti-bigot slur.)
Anyway, he eventually moved to Texas. We never saw him again – he hasn’t come up for air once since moving… (I curse my straight genes – Gay guys get sooo much more non-solo sex than I could ever dream of having.
)
Hey now, please don’t curse your genes. Crystalline structures absorb and store intention. That’s bad for all of us.
I curse my jeans every time I try to put them on right out of the dryer.
AFAIK denim is not crystalline=no worries!
even straight asians play a game that you dress up as women — then again, maybe they’re all still in the closet…. O.o
Or just not quite as hung up on gender stereotypes as you are.
13 years of marriage will solve most men’s gender stereotypes.
Apparently 13 years of nothing will solve my stereo type.
*sits to piss, cleans the kitchen etc.*
*and listens intently*
stereo-type linked to name above.
*suddenly perhaps catches drift of
*
cheers.
now I’m
.
Dak gi de ring kyop pa t’ham che kyi
Chen ngar dro wa de shek nyi dang ni
Bar du de la droen du boe zin gui
Lha dang lha min la sok ga war gyi
How many times must you be told to put the toilet set down when you are done?
*a*
Drat!
What? Where??!
Some men never learn.
If you didn’t learn courtesy by age seven, it’s going to be difficult as an adult.
Or at very least by eight.
The answer is pissing in the wind.
And while we are on the subject.
PSA:
Men, if you can not hit what you are aiming at, sit down!
Or at the very least, clean up after yourselves!
I am constantly shocked at the state of our bathroom after we have friends over. GROSS!
Nothing like a wet butt in the middle of the night… Grrrrr….
Or, conversely, you could make friends who do not pee all over the place. This is how I choose my friends, and although we have nothing in common, my toilet is spotless.
Almost first…., but wtf? …. Did he keep his job?
yes, he still does the weather. SNN news channel 6 in Sarasota Florida
It should be Episode V, I just noticed that. FAIL!
And I should have replied to my first comment instead of posting another useless comment. Sorry guys, double-fail this time!
You’ve completely lost me on this one. What first comment? Episode V?
My first comment was:
“Episode VI: The Coackroach Strikes Back
Pussy.”
But good to know that I at least confused some people with my nonsense
.
And now that all of the original posts have been put in their respective places, this makes sense.
.
Failblog posting filter fail.
FIRST@!!!!
At where?
HAHAHA AT HIS VOICE XD
LOL!
i thoughts he was indian
iThoughts … typed collaboratively
The new Apple iPhone application- iThoughts. It allows Apple to do the thinking for you, so that you don’t have to be burdened with those pesky decisions anymore! Need to choose between two friends? Let iThoughts do it, and you won’t feel guilty about hurting one’s feelings!!!
iThoughts, available now only from Apple!
For you, £υηçhþöχ, the app that apple dare not speak its name.
.
http://gizmodo.com/5116493/nsfw-boob-app-on-the-iphone-is-obviously-called-iboobs-obviously-not-approved
*snorkity!*
Ah, there’s my crack fix for the evening! A Dragon’s *snorkity* makes the day complete!!! And, being as I’m delirious, I’m off to bed…
*HUGS*
Nighty-night! <3
Hee…!
*HUG*
G’night, my friend.
FIRST
That other weatherman certainly did not fail.
Hi Aja! Very manly balls, btw, nice adjustment
(off topic, I know).
He adjusted his balls? Gawd, why do men do that in public so much?
because men have a general lack of support.
Would NEVER adjust in public.
Then I started playing sports.
A cup is very uncomfortable until the moment of impact.
The impact is comfortable?
Really?
I get that it is likely to be MORE comfortable WITH the cup than without but…
It takes your mind off of how uncomfortable the cup was.
Lol!!! Great reply!!!
If I had the balls to adjust my boobs in public…I would.
*leans over*
*adjusts*
*wriggles*
*stands back up*
*gawks*
Dragon, are you selling snow shovels?
WooHOO! And all I had to do was to adjust myself in public!
Um…..thanks?
Hey, if the guys can do it, so can I.
And more power to you!
You got it? If you need help just ask.
So many helping hands.
This is a very friendly group.
I consider my boobs built in toys for my amusement. They come in especially handy in long lines and sitting at my boring as hell cube job. I unabashedly adjust in public. Because I am not scared of my breasts. Though everyone else should be, they are trained ninjas.
Love the boobs and they will love you back!
Err, “trained ninjas” lol. We are all screwed.
Yes. Some in the good way and some in the bad, depending on how the boobs judge you. Their judgment is harsh and final.
You crack me up. Stick around awhile.
and on a cold day they might just poke yer eye out!
A risk worth taking.
I can see that.
In Soviet Russia, boobs judge you.
I know of a small video which shows breasts killing a ninja…
Everyone should train their breasts in the ways of the ninja. Imagine what that would do for the crime rate!
Avoid trampolines. You won’t beat yourself up if you simply do as I say.
Little Johnny comes home in tears, his mother runs to him and ask him “Johnny, what’s wrong!” Johnny holds up a bloodied stump on his left hand and says “I got to second base!”
what hand? =p
I ain’t scared of no damn ninja titties. Lemme at ‘em.
EN GARDE!
You’re trying to fence with a samurai sword?
Oh dear, this looks messy.
OMG Blue2thFairy, that cracked me up. Alas, it has been the fate of a few people that were not up to the standards of the ninja tits. It’s a little sad when your body parts are better judges or character than you are or have higher standards. I must learn to love myself, one boob at a time.
Be honest – how many men on Failblog just fell off their chair?
*slowly raises hand and looks around to see if anybody else does*
Raises hand.
*wishes there were better bras available*
Seriously, a little support is a good thing.
That’s what your hands are for. Or my hands, if I’m lucky.
I bet you could find many willing
guys to give you that support.
*sticks out hands in an offer of support*
There was a guy who tried that without asking first. He didn’t like the consequences.
I posted the story on a long ago fail.
My new line when asked that is “any part of you that touches me, you’re not getting back”.
I’d fall for a line like that.
Erm, have fallen …
You like the concept of lost appendages?
*sigh*
Some fetishes are too weird.
Believe me, I KNOW!
… of being kept.
(not in the captive sense of course)
The short version of my story is I broke the guy’s nose.
Gee, thanks a lot, Avis.
*puts now limp sword away*
And you got a free drink, right?
Well, he came up behind me on a dance-floor and grabbed. It was an instinctive reaction! The bouncers thought it was hilarious. They laughed as they tossed him out the door.
Yes Lou, I certainly did!
*looks down*
Hm. My girls are definitely not ninjas. They’re more like…kittens. Purry when the right person strokes ‘em, but like as not to take a few fingers from an unwelcome touch.
*makes adjustment*
Dragon, perhaps later we can take the kittens of of their bags?
Out, damn’d spot!
Ninjas LOVE kittens.
*purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!*
Ninjas LOVE kittens.
*practices sandpaper tongue technique on back on hand*
*PUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!*
Sorry about the repeat, it wouldn’t post for some reason. I thought I was getting booted for lasciviousness. Ninjas petting kittens is too hot for failblog!
Sorry…my titt…er, kitties and I are off with the Admiral. I’m afraid your ninjas were only petting these.
(clickie my name)
That’s alright. The ninja’s and I have some training to do anyway.
Hm. Improper spelling…improper use of apostrophe…
I think it’s time to introduce you to my li’l friend.
*gets out the shellacked halibut*
I see the apostrophe, but where’s the spelling mistake?
I’ll distract her with my boobs, Toasty, you make a run for it!
CALL ME MINT JELLY, CUZ I’M ON THE LAMB!
*flees*
Damn. You noob sympathizer, dilly!!
Nice boobs, though.
B/C I care for the noobies
Check your noobies thoroughly and often!
*offers to trade DW a ‘b’ for her ‘n’* Great advice!!!
Hi, I new.
Anyone mind showing me round things here?
How do you feel about large bees, noob? Are you allergic?
’tis not where preference lies, but no
*ahem*
Let me start over. My name is …
Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya…
I saw the six-fingered man go thataway =>
*chases with a cup of Iocane powder-laced wine*
*tires, and goes to bed instead…*
*looks down* I see… cleavage. *has not really thought about what her boobs are*
I think he is straight.
gaydar fail
Appropriately enough for a meteorologist, they appear to be using the cognitive-behavioral technique known as “flooding”:
Nesting error — TMI did not intend to provide such a sarcastic academic post immediately following such a sarcasm detection-impaired one.
S’ok, love, I’ll sit on your sarcastic academic nest. *sits*
yeah, that’s why he freaked out so much when the male cockroach started coming on to him
… A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang.
When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing there.
The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off.
.
The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again.
When he answered the door, the cockroach was there again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him before running away.
.
The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet again.
It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and summoned an ambulance.
He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life.
.
The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach’s attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.
The doctor thought for a moment and said,
“Yes, there’s a nasty bug going around.”
I can has vaccination?
I find it fascinating that you’re not vacillating in the facilitating of your vaccinating
Your nonfloccinaucinihilipilification of his vaccination vacillation facilitates my fascination!
Wow, my flagellation was fascinatingly facilitated by the the faculty.
SING ALONG!!!
Hi – Hi! We’re your Weather Girls – Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you – You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely girls
and leave those umbrellas at home. – Alright! -
Humidity is rising – Barometer’s getting low
According to all sources, the street’s the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It’s gonna start raining men.
It’s Raining Men! Hallelujah! – It’s Raining Men! Amen!
I’m gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It’s Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It’s Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
God bless Mother Nature, she’s a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It’s Raining Men! Hallelujah! – It’s Raining Men! Amen!
It’s Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It’s Raining Men! Ame———nnnn!
I feel stormy weather / Moving in about to begin
Hear the thunder / Don’t you lose your head
Rip off the roof and stay in bed
God bless Mother Nature, she’s a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It’s Raining Men! Yeah!
Humidity is rising – Barometer’s getting low
According to all sources, the street’s the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It’s gonna start raining men.
It’s Raining Men! Hallelujah! – It’s Raining Men! Amen!
It’s Raining Men! Hallelujah! – It’s Raining Men!
I had no idea you could post that much in one comment.
.
Win!
tl;ds
.
{too long, didn’t sing}
Please don’t encourage the trolls velvet!
They’re just using the velvet glove on em.
Next is the spiked steel one!
I didn’t realize this was a troll!
.
I thought trolls always start with that ever-popular and witty FIRST in their post.
There are several different species of troll…we are compiling a book on the subject as we speak. Soon you will be able to identify the different types of trolls from their posts, just as you can identify a bird by it’s song or a cat by it’s stripes.
…or a book by its cover?
(You know I love you right Dragon?)
Hee…! Yes, I know.
*PWINGs a rubber band at Blue2th*
Hey! You’re not suppose to be using the thick ones!!!
That’s gonna leave a mark…
.
And let me know when that book is finished. Perhaps you should consider making it a monthly magazine instead? That way you can update it more frequently. Just a thought.
Hey, nice!. Welcome to the club!
Thanks! And I was flamed last week by the grammar police, so I guess that makes it official!
^ gaydar win?
^ seems unsure of things?
I believe what we have here is a Cutis Pastus.
Cutis Pastus – very infectious type of post. Only to be used by the most noble bloggers.
Oh dear, looks like someone needs to be educated on trolls.
Velvet, a troll is someone who constantly repeats the following words/phrases:
“FIRST!”
“SECOND!”
*m*sturbates*
“Photoshopped”
“FAKE!!!!!11″
And many others. Beware.
Oh, ok. I’m still learning my way around here. I had figured out the FIRST and Photoshopped ones. I avoid those. I’ll have to keep working on it.
.
One day I’ll grasp how to get rid of that purple square thingy and put a picture or something.
wwwDOTgravatarDOTcom
So, velvet was taken on gravatar. I had to add a 1 to the end. How’s that?
I think it suits you.
Now where is my picture? I still have that purple thing.
.
ARGH!
.
I may cry.
No, you now have a disco ball.
It takes a while to show up!
Also, clear your cache. That helps.
Thanks for all the help, guys! ((group hug))
Ok. There it is. I guess gravatars don’t show motion? It’s a really cool disco ball.
Looks good and No, they don’t show motion.
That would be cool if they did show motion. Someone who knows how to navigate the interwebs should look into that. I would, but a navigator I am most definitely not.
I’m glad they don’t, actually. Can’t stand all the flash that comes along with that.
They don’t, but yes, it is.
Nice! *puts on some funky music*
Oh, you don’t have to add the 1 here, dearest. You might notice that all your earlier posts with just velvet have the disco ball, too. On Failblog, you can change your name to whatever you like; you don’t have to get a different name if someone else has it (though it’s considered a courtesy not to steal the names of regulars unless it’s for punning purposes).
Is that so?
Yeah, don’t steal names.
*snert*
Yeah, there were a bunch of dragons around here the other day.
Funny, I don’t see any today… *is not looking shifty whatsoever*
You jest! The little rascals. Why I oughta. . . .
Oh no! I’ve become invisible!
Ooooooh!
Marcoooooooooooo…..
Poloooooooooo…!
There you are!
*INVISIBLE SQUEEZE*
Zut alors, I have missed one!
Each time I replied, it said ‘logged in as velvet1′ and didn’t give me a spot to change anything.
.
This setup fascinates me. As do shiny objects. Hence, the disco ball.
The ‘logged in as xx’ is a wordpress thingy. If you restart your browser it will go away.
No need to restart your browser; just click “log out.” Then you can post as whatever you want to.
but you posted as “whatever you want to” now I can’t, but i guess i can be whatever I want to
yes exactly
… random copy-protection test
are you serious? sweet!
No such luck.
I failed trying to respond as “yes totally”
but was able to impersonate directly thereafter.
What the…
Don’t worry, I was in your shoes once.
On the avatar, just go to gravatar.com
God I just realized you have probably never seen a card catalog.
Or a slide rule.
I have heard tell of it in songs…
Or a watch that winds…
HAY! What about when Black and White TV came out!
It was sure better than plain old Black Only TV!
Those were the days!
I’m still waiting for TV to become somewhat tolerable, personally.
Or vinyl records or 8-track tapes.
But buck-up little campers, he has also never heard of premarital sex without fear of death.
*tips hat to gen-(what?)*
I think the correct term you’re looking for is “Generation Why ME?”, as in, why do you want ME to do that? Can’t you get someone else? Why do I have to do it?
Actually my father had one. I guess they were pretty much obsolete even when I was little. I did use a card catalog though.
Dang, forgot to take out the Game&Watch link. I was going to write another remember-the-old-days story but in the end I did not want to bore everyone.
If done correctly, that supposedly is like permanent ginko biloba or similar.
Gravatar dot com.
And troll stomping is a common pastime here. Believe me, I should know!
*waves*
*grins and waves back*
The amendment to the recipe is a good one! I’ll have to try it sometime. But if you could send it to my blog? That way it can be shared to ANOTHER whole group of people!
My Soycopter goes:
SOY SOY SOY SOY SOY SOY!
And then some!
*a-HEM*
*holds out her hand for the name and waits, foot tapping*
the url you want (en.gravatar.com/) is linked to name above.
Alternately and in general, viewing the page source demystifies such queries.
“She’s just the url, just the url, the url you want!”
URLs just wanna have fu-un.
And in the evening it’s urls! I like the way that they walk!
Who could help but?
I have absolutely no idea what the above comment meant when it was typed. There was perhaps a nesting fail or perhaps I’m a moron.
I enjoyed it.
Who could ask for anything more on?
Universidad de Moron.
Totally.
Seen it yesterday.
Did youse all see it?
Yesee, me seen it long time.
That’s pretty funny. I bet that would actually boost their ratings. I’d watch him after just to see what he does next!
Right after the comercial break a penis scuttles across the floor…
I don’t think he’d run screaming from that, though…
No, I think it was his that was scuttling away. He didn’t seem to have been using it, anyway.
I’d sure run away from a scuttling penis – a self-aware, mobile organ is creepy, no matter what your orientation!
I’ll bet he wasn’t afraid of that.
I’m sure the stage hands started bringing in all sorts of creatures after this.
Cockroaches, spiders, and snakes, oh my!
Maybe it wasn’t the cockroach, perhaps he just get the vapors?
*gets out the smelling salts*
Yeah, I need them. I’ve been too busy at work to manage a worthwhile comment today, and the lame attempts so far contain errors!
…just no gerbils.
Armageddon!
Another 5 year old video.
This blog is fail!!!!
Why yes, it is.
If you go the last voting page you will see that there still are fails from 1999 waiting to turn op here. So 5 years is not that bad.
I’m pretty happy with some 5 yo vino.
Crap, what’s that weatherman doing there.
Defecate, what’s that weatherman doing there.
Deaf Catering, what’s that!? I can’t hear you! You need some more lasagna?
Shit, who’s that weatherman doing there?
Offal, that’s what the weatherman is doing there.
Dung beetle, what’s that cockroach doing there?
Cockroach, what’s ḫpr?
OSHT, don’t show it to that scaredy cat weatherman, then he’d really have something to be scarab there.
Let the sunshine in…OH SHIT
*grins*
<3 Avis.
GRRR, by the time I read all the comments I wasn’t first any more.
Erm…if there were comments for you to read, sweetie, you wouldn’t have been first anyway.
*stamps a big FAIL on J’s forehead*
*taps Dragon on the shoulder*
That’s wasn’t his forehead sweetie.
Woops. I’ll have to work on my aim.
My my, the hospital bill for Failblog goes up every month.
She’s got a point you know.
I thought it was funny.
OH MY GAWDDD
I hate cockroaches, but I’ve every right to spazz because I’m a girl. But even I wouldn’t freak out as terribly as that guy.
You are not the kind of girl I’d have a beer with. Good day.
To paraphrase a friend of mine, when you live alone you have to be your own spider slayer. One would assume this is also true of roaches. If ones had roaches. And if ones home has roaches one might want to consider an exterminator.
*proudly displays ‘SPIDER SLAYER!’ badge*
*removes extraneous “s” from previous post*
*hangs head in shame*
Just take them outside – random jar + paper.
Unless you’re going to eat it.
I live on the 21 floor!! I am not spending that much time close to a spider willingly. And no, I’m not gonna eat the creepy crawly.
No windows? Spiders like those.
Screens that are not removable. They have a few tiny tears (which is how I figure they get in in the first place) but nothing big enough to force a spider through.
W.W
.
.
.
*super wishes could suggest practical gesture*
*had a run in with a brown recluse*
*is not terribly inclined to be kind to eight legged creatures*
Have escorted all creatures carefully to the outdoors forever. Have encountered a brown recluse in the home (once). Before I had any idea wtf was even occuring or what I was looking at I had instinctively smashed the body with my palm, realizing only after the fact what/why/wtf had happened.
Brown recluse, different story altogether.
A human has a body and has therefore earthbound instincts.
.
Lots of eight-legged ones, on the other hand …
but I sympathize with generalization (how could one not, each of us having something that could?).
I was bitten by a brown recluse once.
Really…not fun. But the scar is really impressive!
I caught the bite early, I was at the doctors with in two hours. I was lucky.
The brain is funny in that aspect… I am not scared by 1000-degree flames, hazardous materials, blood, guts or gore, yet put a spider in front of me and I have two choices- kill it or vacate the premises. Immediately. I simply cannot coexist in the same space as a spider. No other bug affects me like that, not even a little.
*drops a rubber spider on Lunchbox’s neck*
See, that’s not funny. I’ve got the creepy-crawlies now, just at your mentioning it. I absolutely hate this damned phobia, because the rational part of my brain understands that it is baseless fear. The deeper crap, however, doesn’t really give a damn what I think.
Ooh…sowwy, sweets.
*removes rubber thingy and gives Lunchbox a cookie*
I agree, LB, phobias are no fun, and you cannot rationalize them away.
It’s come up a couple times in recent threads, but I’ll mention it again. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (“CBT”) is the gold standard for eliminating phobias.They don’t have to know all about your childhood, aren’t particularly interested in your dreams, and it take only weeks, rather than months or years, to work. It’s very practical and very effective for a majority of people.
.
Phobias have the funny distinction of being one of the more intensely unpleasant of psychological conditions and yet one of the easiest to cure — it just doesn’t seem “funny” when you’re experiencing the effects.
I do not kill anything. Ever. If I do accidentally, crying ensues. For days.
Oh man, forgot about shrimp, I’ve been vegan for 15 years. Otherwise it’s all true.
Maybe anchovies too (French, Thai).
But I’m sure you’ve heard the arguments regarding lives in terms of a bowl of rice.
Seems to be the cycle we’re born & die in, or?
Or. I am a spectacularly unhealthy person. But I love many a fish I’ve enjoyed unwittingly, been horrified that I liked, and then sought out. I stopped drinking my favorite bar’s bloody maryses when I found out they were lying about the clam juice, but now I crave it. I am a Caesar salad purist. What to do? Decide fish can’t feel pain because I wish they wouldn’t? We shall see.
Recommend raw dosages.
Evaluate wellbeing thereafter.
Know Gays Hate Bugs Fail
first
Aren’t all weathermen gay?
No, just a little happier then most.
Aren’t all Geeks weathermen?
Beware of geeks baring GIFs
Why does everyone think he is gay?
You can’t see the Barbara Streisand tee-shirt he’s wearing underneath the suit?
It’s the tie isn’t it?
Of course not, it’s the shoes -stares-
but you can’t see his sho……..OHHH got me there! Zing!
I thought the cockroach was gay.
You are right. Everyone can see that he is not gay, but she is a trap.
Old but still hilarious…
Can someone please transscript what he “said” (or shrieked, that is)? Something appears to be wrong with his leg but I just couldn’t understand it. Gotta be something he freaked out about.
‘Twas a cockroach crawling up in there.
He’s just channeling Chris Tucker from The Fifth Element:
That’s exactly what I thought of.
I think that’s the funniest “Fail” video I’ve seen yet…
The cockroach was actually a vagina(roach),
I’m now tempted to buy a breeding colony of discoid cockroaches and release them on the nearest unsuspecting weatherman…um…for science!
Good plan, what’s the holdup? You’re all talk.
one of my favorites!
It’s Ru – B – Rod!!!
Can I see your mul-ti-pass please.
Negative, I am a meat popsicle.
That’s…a very nice hat.
It’s a fez isn’t it?
*dances*
the appropriate black response is to hold your fist up to your mouth and yell AW FUCK IT S A COCK-A-ROACH
daddy!?!
he only sounds about half as girly as the guy I sat next to in AP Bio class did when he realized that the bug he was holding was a hissing cockroach. man, hearing him scream like a girl in front of the whole class was WONDERFUL (since he was a total jerk).
THEY PUT THE SECOND ONE THERE ON PURPOSE
I HIT THE CAPS LOCK KEY ON PURPOSE
I’m crying. It’s on purpose, ok?!
TYPE IN ALL CAPS TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
REVEALED: THE REASON WHY HEADLINES TYPED IN CAPS
LOUD NOISES.
YOU STAY CLASSY SAN DIEGO.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
SQUASHED TOMATOES AND STEW,
BREAD AND BUTTER
DOWN THE GUTTER
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
Wooooooooooooooooo! It’s you 15th today!
HIPPO BIRDIES TWO EWES!
HIPPO BIRDIES TWO EWES!
HIPPO BIRDY DEAR EWE…….
HIPPO BIRDIES TWO EWES!
AND YOU SMELL LIKE ONE, TOO! *snort* ~Fry
Happy Birthday BF!
Could somebody please explain to me why being gay is fail?
I mean, the clip is funny. But if this is fail, it’s also fail if, say, Chuck Norris goes apesh!7 over a cockroach on the floor and starts stomping on the ground like he needs to poo or something.
Actually there’s a lot of homophobic fails here. And that’s the biggest fail of all.
Actually yes, that would also be a fail. The fact that this guy is gay is incidental. Anyone freaking out because of a creature several thousand times smaller than them is a failure.
If Chuck Norris did such a thing, many of us would use that video as screen-saver.
I know I would!
*Captain! No sign on the testical radar!
nice!
I’m starting to notice a very distinct pattern; that when a fail is remotely tangible to something subject to discrimination, it’s as if the cockroaches spill out from shadows preferably never known (or illuminated/eliminated, if possible). At this moment, I miss the trucks that did not fit under their respective bridges.
I never miss the trucks.
I never miss the bridges.
I never miss the height limit.
I never seem to bridge the misses.
I never seem to midge the brisses.
Good, only four types of locusts are kosher, anyway.
Goat, good food (seriously).
Terribly delicious in Indian, but (I don’t eat the meaties).
Terrifically delicious in any situation, but I sympathize.
But you sure like the bone?
Just step on it. Gee whiz.
P.E.T.A.!!
“People for the Euthanizing of Trollish Assholes”???
(not directed at you, Fuzz, of course…)
That was earsplitting. o.O
Aawww a Canadan Beebur!
Hit it wif a stick afore it getzaway!
cockaroach == win
I feel pretty, oh so pretty, so pretty and witty and GAAAAYYY…
Sorry, just an earworm.
Have you been to the West Side again?
Visiting the Petshop Boys?
But I love them! They pay my rent, I’m always on their minds, we moved to suburbia together. Left to my own devices, I was being boring, but love came quickly! Too bad I found out that it was a sin.
Warum péché?
Verdammt mal was!
ach Scheiss; ’schuldigung
I never had worms in my ear, does it hurts?
I thinks so.
WHAT?
You know what?
Neither do I…
I AM THE Qth POSTERer
Yes Qth and Posterer are actual words
And so are “troll” and “philistine”
Psst! Happy Birthday!
Shhh! There’s still a few more hours!
Wait until the 14th!
Then I’m OFFICIALLY 15th.
Thanks, anyway!
Sowwy.
*just realizes I’m MORE than twice your age*
*is mortified*
‘S okay.
That ’sowwy’ could be the infectious ICHC disease gowing around.
Good god, it’s contaiegus! HALP! HALP!
Bff…relax. I’ve been saying that since I started posting here. In fact, I’ve been saying that for most of my life. You’re getting paranoid!
*goes for a ride*
Still infectious nevertheless.
Gah…it drives me nuts, actually. The folks there are sweet as anything, but…the lolspeak just makes me want to *FOOM!* the whole place down.
Calm yourself, Dragon dear. Clickying may explain all of the lolnuts.
….oh no.
*SPLORT!*
OH noes! What’s this clicky??
Does unicode universally work here:
TEST
ベッドを占領する子猫
^ good to know … although I don’t know of exceptions (fail).
.
Nice background music; I might have to
stealsample that.OH DEAR GOD ANOTHER? NO WAI?!?
my dear, I seriously doubt there’s any shortage of that.
quite the (tragic) contrary.
Munchkin cats make me sad.
Mikey—clickie my name for a look at my newest wee family member!
…and her sister!
them is not wee kitties!
They’re several months old…but they are quite small, still.
maybe prolly yer fishie tank is smaller than mine is
This fishie tank is full of KITTIAE
*SQUEES* KITTIES!!! *lets them sniff her hand, then pets them till they purr*
Aawww a Wittle Bitty Kitty
Hit it wif a stick afore it getzaway!Pick it ups and playz wif it an pet it!
thats pretty fail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111
5 seconds to being uncloseted…
5
4
3
2
…
“cue the Mamma Mia soundtrack!”
Olde.
FLUFFY! FLUFFY!! SHE’S A POTATO!!!
*looks around for gobi*
*proffers some popadums*
GAY
Water Gayper levels are high!
Original video fail…about 4 years to late failblog
But seriously, how much is that fish? I can’t take it any more.
All I want is my $2.
Better off Dead=90s German shit techno fans=head asplodes
various reincarnations asplode.
wow. this guy freaking out at a cockroach reminds me of my brother trying to hit he high notes in “living on a prayer”
I saw the firefighter fail as the background on a demo computer at best buy today.
Hey, BFF – - Happy Birthday, dude!
No dude! He gets a stern talking-to and a sent-to-bed- for what he’s been up to lately.
Mis-titled – should be Fabulosity WIN
“Look at all these roaches around me everyday,
Need somethin’ strong to make ‘em go away!
Look at all these roaches! I can’t take it no more.
Get up at night, turn on the light and see the floor show!”
Full lyrics
All of God’s creatures
Have two legs or four.
The Devil’s are those
With fewer or more.
Who?
Looks like someone’s butthurt about eels AGAIN.
Footless & fancy-free
Movin’ right along!
What about dolphins?
OH my goooodd
I think I can speak for most guys when I say: It’s not gay men that bother us, it’s gay men who have forgotten that, regardless of their sexual preference, they are still MEN. Suck it up, it’s a fucking roach.
Hes being gay o.o
in fairness to this guy, cockroaches in Florida ARE the size of small dogs…
Dinosaurs must have loved this video. Seriously, we want NEW fails! Not ones that were aired on TV about a year ago.
Wow… I can’t believe this is on here.
This video was made about two and half years ago. I know the Bill that was Justin was talking to.
This video was shown on Jay Leno and another late night talk show, but I forget which one. Good times, good times.
And to answer some questions, yes, Justin still works there. SNN6 does not do very much live broadcasting. The network is basically a 30 minute news broadcast that just cycles through. They update it a few times a day.
Since everything is recorded and put together, the clips above never made it onto the air.
Last!!!
They should have flashed a big “No homo” on the green screen.
*GASP!* OHW MAI GAAWD!!
THE COCKROACH:
NATURE’S GAY DETECTOR
note how he’s giving a weather report on key west
and then there will be some heavy rainfall, followed by…oh my god!!!!
Welcome to Florida…..so obviously NOT a major media market.
*sigh* I wanna go home to California….at least the roaches were smaller there….
all the dogs in the neighborhood are like “what was that”
And you still think you can turn gay people straight???
Curiously, there is a high rate of gay weathermen. I can’t explain it. The meteorology program at Florida State University has as many gay guys in it as the Theater major.
…guess he’s out of the closet now.
I would have understood if it was a wasp or a hornet or something else that could sting (I’m afraid of wasps myself, and I would run if there was a wasp flying in my direction), but a cockroach? If a wasp stings you, it hurts like hell, but a roach can’t hurt you, can it?
“Today’s weather: It’s raaaaaaining men! Hallelujah!”
I like pie.
He sounds like a woman who just won the lottery whenever he yells. If I were him, I would have just squished the thing and gotten along with the newscast.
i bet (s)he got fired after that
Hahaha cute guy!! xDD
OMG LMAOOOO!!! I LUV THIS
OMG LMAO!!!!!!! I LUV THIS!!
This is a skit from the Big Gay Sketch show on LOGO…hence..the gayness.
No it isn’t. Believe me. Its from a local news channel in Sarasota County, Fl.
XD gay dude
moo
LOL 0:16 “What the hell is going on?”
Hetero Fail.
Oh jeeze. Thats my exlocal weatherman. How did this get all the way here?
…and this is why gay people is bashed in my country XD
OHHH SHIT!!!!! A COCKROACH IS ON THE WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im sick of all the homphobic comments…
did he said “arschficken ” in the beginning?^^, it means butt sex in german ^^
Epic fail of masculinity lol. And I thought he was screaming at the weather 1st
Wow… I actually live in Sarasota for where the weather is for. SNN6. I saw him yesterday XD I love this clip
OMG, NiggrA FaiL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Homo win XD