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Cheezburger Network Blog
Good morning.
Ø Not Interested
Geez, who pissed on your potato this morning, fuzz?
*gets up on a high horse*
*ties wimple around head*
There. Now I am perched upon an amblere, y-wimpled wel. Time to go find a sixth husband. Toodles!
*Totally befuddled by your post*
*I wander in circles calling out for Toodles*
Give us a hint is Toodles a lost cat or dog?
I am the Walrus.
I am the eggman
That’s what I am, I am the eggman, I’ve got the master plan…
sonic adventure 2 reference ftw!
I am Thesaurus.
I know the EGG man, and you are not he.
Didn’t I see you on Sonic the Hedgehog driving a yellow submarine?
i saw him firing a flamethrower in oil ocean. EPIC FAIL!!
I am the Robotnik.
i am the spotted dick (its a british dish)
then you shouldn’t be snooPING AS usual
coocoocachoo
Gesundheit.
shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
©
In felaweschip wel can you laughe and carpe.
*is happy for such felaweschip as this*
dylan has blue nipples
I’m out of alle charitee for such a wimpy & unfail-related post.
Methinks you, meanwhile, ought to get thee to a Bath before your quest.
*flashes a glimpse of red stockings*
*Shows up at the right time, yet again*
Hee…!
Enjoy your bath.
lookin fer a third wife has his own horse and many many clothlike things for wimpledge
first. I am first…. I am so freaking first it’s not even funny.
shut up
I have to agree.
fred, shut up.
I think you are right.
Fred, shut up!
I concur.
Fred, shut up!
too bad you technically second!
If you feed them, they will follow you home. Be warned.
Oh NO!! the’re at my front door! HUNDREDS no THOUSANDS why couldn’t you warn me earlier!
actually Fred, it is funny. Funny how un-first you really are.
Why are all the new ones so lame? This is a mere coincidental observation.
LAME.
Yes!
Turn on any news in South Florida and you have a 14% chance of seeing that at least once in a given week.
I never Meta-more-pho(ro)sis bug in my life!
Your keyboard is broken.
You kaf ka go fix it for her, then! Don’t be a trial on poor Dragon.
And scarabs don’t do it for Dilly,
so give us no poopoo — that not how ḫpr roll.
How about a hissing madagascar?
I love you in a non-lesbian way. It’s your fount of information I am in love with, no you per se.
NO U !
You weren’t supposed to notice the missing T.
Well, here are some hings hat are jus oo obvious o miss
quidditch with sharpened brooms
… and added Savage
Never bring a wand to a gun fight.
Never bring a gun to a Quidditch match.
nice!
(… and never be a snitch.)
That’s the golden rule.
I thought rule 34 was the golden one.
I thought that you are the golden one.
She is certainly the goldenfish!
♫Goldfisher.
She’s the lady, the lady with the midas touch.
A spider’s touch.
Such a cold finger.
Beckons you to enter her web of sin
But don’t go in. ♫
COYOTE!!!!! Woot!!!! hiya babe! How the hell you feelin’?
Best description is something akin to nauseous crap.
awwww…. would give you a big *HUG* and *SQUEEZE* but it might make you feel worse…
That’s the nice thing about the virtual world, fluffy…you can *SQUEEEEEEEZE!* all you like with no ill effects!
oooo… really?? *SQUEEZE!*
Squeeze back at the both of you. A big warm one.
I’ve heard a good squeeze is a great cure for nauseous crap!
But a bad squeeze is a good recipe for nauseous crap. Remember urwrong?
*throw salt over her left shoulder* *knocks wood*
Ok, mookie. If you’re going to knock my wood, you could have at least bot me a drink first.
I would never knock your wood, Chris. McFail would flay me alive!
No, she currently doesn’t have the energy left to be doing any flaying.
I just don’t think that knocking my wood is technically bringing good luck.
Did I really spell “bought” as “bot”? Holy hell, hand me the buckets and the hallibut. This needs to be thorough….
Welcome back Coyote, it is nice to see your root beer on here again.
Christopher… I hate to break this to you, but you spelled “bukkit” as “buckets”…
Oh, the shame…!
I didn’t have the hart to tell him.
That’s why you keep me as a pet. I have no hart and can do the dirty work for you.
*SQUEEZE*
Nice to see you back.
Hello everyone. Just stopped in to say that I made it through the first round of preparatory chemo. Got home about an hour ago and feel like nauseous crap.
Thanks for all of the good wishes. Sorry nothing funny to add today. Maybe another time.
it’s good to hear from you, ‘dog’
It is indeed! Good wishes and feel-betters your way.
Nice new avatar Dilly. You are obviously head and shoulders above the rest of us.
Thanks for checking in, Coyote. Your friends look forward to the return of your witty and incisor comments.
COYOTE!!!!
{{HUGHUGHUG!}}
*surreptitiously gooses the Admiral amidst the hugs*
It’s so good to see you back here.
Thanks all. I am feeling immensely better just sitting here typing and filling out DSHS forms. Though the forms I could do without; emotionally if not financially.
Yeah, you’re well past your formative years.
Apparently I am in need of paper training though.
Oh Coyote.. do you wanna borrow the bukkit while you’re doing chemo?
I have used one more than once in the past few days.
I hope the paperwork isn’t too vellum-inous, coyote.
Need the ShamWOW?
Sorry, Coyote, that’s probably very un-funny. But I’m really glad to see you, and hope you feel better soon. *hugs*
Dragon you would not believe the questions. Howmany times do I need to say cancer, teacher, instructor or the name of the doctor for Gods sake! The last time through one of the forms had the pithy question: Are you right or left handed? At times like this people should need to put up with rubbish like that?
Yes I am getting ticked off. Washington state has a reputation as one of the worst to medical help in. True or not there it is.
Want me to *FOOOM!* it for you? You could tell them, “Sorry…the dragon *FOOOM!*ed my homework.”
Sorry. Got to go now feeling extremely crummy. Talk at you later.
Oh poor Coyote… right or left handed?!?! WTF?!?!
Coyote, if anyone tells you that smoking pot will diminish the nausea, don’t always believe them. Sometimes it just prolongs it but at less strength.
*tucks coyote into bed*
Feel better, my friend.
*hugs* Coyote. Hope you feel better soon. XOXO
Mookie, why the sad eye avatar?
Does it look sad? I took it from a weird angle, I think. I thought it looked a bit sinister, b/c there’s a piece of hair on the right side that looks like a severely downsloping eyebrow.
I want you all to know that I am watching you…
The shininess on the lower portion looks tear like to my eye.
No reason that you shouldn’t be watching too. Everyone else is. And I’m not being paranoid. Really. It doesn’t bother me. STOP STARING!!!
-stares-
^ a starefish
Stare light,
Stare bright,
First starefish that I see tonight,
I wish I may,
And I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.
… have the fish that I am tonight.
Fish d’jour?
Danke, canine
One of your creations?
One of my favorites!
It should be. It looks great. From what little that I can see it has an India/medieval touch to it. very becoming to whomever is wearing it. You?
It’s not me (I take my own photos) but it does look nice on me:) I was telling DrB the
other day that it’s my interpretation of a surgical gown, inspired by my own fascination with uniforms and how fabrics need to function in very specific ways for different tasks. It’s also a little about how the history of uniforms has changed in recent years and what that means for functional design. But it’s also just a dress:)
so cool … though it’s got my mind’s on the sewer
What would take your mind INTO the sewer?
You can trust me Dilly, none of my surgeons or various medicos looked nearly that good.
Scrubs don’t do it for me, either.
(i accidenty my mind)
With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
And you’ll ask yourself
Where did I accidenty…
Best wishes!
*puts on Coyote by Joni Mitchell once more*
Thank-you very much.
Pure Bloods vs. the Mud Bloods
When you’re a mud you’re a mud all the way…
You recently rented Ginger Snaps. We recommend you get back in the kitchen.
*cries* *goes to kitchen*
Meanwhile, returning to the admirable quidditch pun and mud lurl’ing, we present “Valdemar the Mudskipper is hunting”, now available via NameClix.
—
(*spoiler alert: cricket is not a bloodsport — he never quite gets it)
I actually yelled “Valdemar! That’s not where the cricket is” more than once.
Bloods vs. Crypts
Men vs. Women
Mars vs Venus
Bars vs Flytrap
Almond Joy vs Mounds
Sometimes you feel like a nut vs Sometimes you don’t
Me vs Myself vs I
Plaintiff v Defendant v Third Party Defendant
I vs The Machine
Ghost vs The Machine
Verses vs Choruses
*prefers virgins vs fur perversions*
What?!
Us vs All your base
Bass-O-Matic vs bass
Wunder Boner vs The City of Mianus
Spineless Fish vs Fallen Bridge
Red vs. Blue
(clickie my name for a sample)
Hair pie vs “seriously, WHERE DID HE GET THE HANDS”
Dumbledore vs. Gandalf
Montigues vs. Capulets
I see your Bass-O-Matic and raise you one Wonder Boner.
spy vs spy
verso versus recto
First!!
Whoops…
… to FAIL!
drunk?
yes, please!
Enjoying Bloodsport is also a Fail…
Oh come now, bloodsports aren’t ALL bad.
Bloodsports are only fun until someone gets hurt, then it becomes hilarious.
I have faith no more in these comments.
You had faith before?
Don’t make me be aggressive, be-e aggressive, b-e a-g-g-r-e-s-s-i-v-e.
Oh, Mikey, were you a cheerleader? Rah!
You should see him shake his pom pons.
I wasn’t even being dirty and you made me feel dirty
Yes, it appears he’s become a man.
So your definition of a man is “who makes women feel dirty”. Interesting.
Te apetece ducharme ahora?
¿agua fría o caliente?
I wonder if the more I rub, the more dirtier or cleaner you will feel.
¿Sugieres un experimento?
Creo que será lo mejor para salir de dudas.
Me tendrás que decir en que partes de tu cuerpo te sientes más sucia…
¿Por qué estamos todos hablando en español?
Para que los menores de edad no nos entiendan.
Las partes sudorosas…
*pours perfumed soap*
*rubs gently*
Y bien…. ¿cómo te hace sentir eso?
He he, muy sucia ahora. No dejes de hacerlo, por favor.
Quizás si froto un poco más deprisa justo aquí te sientas menos sucia…
Me parece que tu estás un poco sucio también. ¿Qué te parece?
Es así como me haces sentir. Afortunadamente creo que hay sitio en la ducha para mi…
*removes soaked clothes*
Halte Klappe
No estoy hablando espanol.
*offers Ryannon ShamWow*
*blows her nose on Mikey’s pom pon and uses the ShamWow to clean up after Mookie and Lou*
ewwwww…. no*SQUEEZE* for you!
Congrats, BF. You depicted in detail Mikey’s audience in his cheerleader times.
That made me laugh.
That made me sulk
There, there.
where? where?
Mikey put the rah rah in the sisboombah. He only joined the cheersquad because he knew he could throw girls up in the air and look up their skirts without getting kicked out of school.
Either that or the notorious “My thumb slipped!” *sniff*
It was actually the next best thing to the ballet squad.
enjoying wizard seems more a fail to me.
Bloodsport, the ultimate in kid friendly entertainment. It was combo packaged with My Little Pony and sold for $6.99 at Wal*Mart.
Do nott forget about combo “Teletubbies in Wonderland” + “Wild Boobies, Hot pussies”. It was a success!
Lou, I thought I told you it was dangerous to put the cat in the microwave! Use the blowdryer, for chrissake.
But the meat is tastier this way!
And not as dry or brittle.
Wow, Fred Savage hasn’t aged a bit.
You want me to get his number for ya?
“… oh I’m just here to watch.”
.
(NSFW video of our boy Freddie in the name clicky)
I’m so glad I’m blowing off my work for this. That was beautiful.
*wipes tear from eye*
He also has child predator hands.
for the Wonder Years
The Predator Hand wreaks havoc on the Wunder Boner though.
It’s a brand new game people…
Why does Fred Savage get the credit and not that guy in the middle? Therein lies the real fail.
Sadly, Fred Savage was the biggest star in the whole movie
And the guy in the middle is slaughtered on the first scene.
That’s more or less the synopsis of all Teletubbies movies.
Well, their Tubby Custard WAS made of liquid acid and spiders.
Again, again!
FIRST!!!
oh no fail
Oh, no fail?
Of course there’s a fail, what’re you on about?
wierd. should have recommended Debbie does Dallas.
Both use 10 characters in the Title. That’s the only correlation I see, aside from obviously sucking, having human actors and being produced on planet Earth.
Skwerls no cownt so gud?
*face palm*
“spaces” are characters, just invisible & useful ones, OK?
heh … the final face palm frontier
___
*name clicky pic related*
It’s Ok. I like you for your rugged good looks, not your bwains.
Oh, thank gawd, at least someone loves me for my more superficial qualities
No, both are made on Uranus.
no u r anus
The key word toy link them would have been something like ‘tournament’ or ‘competition’.
Also, they are from similar years.
Because you liked bloodsport, here’s something with about as much talent in it.
I can’t believe anyone who’s used Netflix could be surprised by this. I watch anime almost exclusively, but my current list of “Movies You’ll Love” is mostly wildly-erroneous Hollycrap. It includes Eddie Izzard: Dressed to Kill (from Coupling: Season 2), Newsies (from Saints and Soldiers), and The Music Man (from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington).
$20 to anyone who can logically link any of those movies to one of the “froms”.
Eddie Izzard is hilarious.
simple, people who liked those movies were likely to like the “froms”. Netflix doesn’t think; people who liked the one liked the other.
The Wizard = NES advertising fail.
Anpu wishes to inform you that the Wizard advertised Super Mario Bros. 3 and the Power Glove, not the NES.
Well it had a lotta crap like Double Dragon.
I have a double???
You mean, there are TWO?!?!?!!?
I feel so…so commonplace.
*sobs on fluffy’s shoulder*
There there Dragon.. I’m sure he was confusing the wax figure in Madam Tussot with the real thing…
Lamest fail so far. Lamest comment too?
Not yet…but close.
Leave him alone! He’s a delicious blueberry from Sweden!
I am!
I am
Anpu is not thrilled. Getting to watch a long comercial for Super Mario Bros. 3 all because he watched, and definitely did not enjoy, a crappy movie?
I don’t get it…what’s the fail?
There is no way the size is the boy in the middle indicating with his arms can be real. So he fails.
I agree that there’s no way the size is the boy in the middle.
But I do think indicating with his arms can be real.
Jesus is doing the “big arms” thing. The boy in the middle is just reaching.
Well, we can’t all do big arms!
*Is delivered on a pallet from the following fail*
Yes we can!
*BIG ARM SQUEEZE*
*gets knocked off by a low bridge and rolls away*
that you are a cat?
catS. Plural.
Ack! Even more worser! A cat with multiple personalities
If you give an infinite amount of cats an infinite amount of computers they’ll write a failblog comment?
Well, they’ve managed to submit this Fail!
I really didn’t think that one through did I?
You’re expecting too much from a moomin with a typewriter.
Failblog is really going to hell.
None of these fails are even funny anymore.
I would get mah roflcopter to go soi soi soi but he’s not in the mood.
He? So your roflcopter is alive? RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!
Yeah. I’m just his messenger.
Surely running to the hills would bring you closer to the roflcopter?
By gum, you’re right!
RUN AWAY FROM THE HILLS!!!
What’s that coming over the hill?
Is it a roflcopter? Is it a roflcopter?
.
You win. At life.
Mmk? Kthxbai.
By GUM? Dagnabbit, that’s prospecterspeak!
RUN FOR YOUR LIFFFFEEEE XD
I don’t feel the need to chase my liffee right now.
ya know once i ran for my life. Given the average fitness for people commenting on failblog (which equals -2) running for my life actually made my life worse, therefore my life killed me, ending my life in the same. We feasted on swedish blueberry waffles in heaven, which has Macintosh computers that run on Windows Vista with inclined keyboards, so i call it hell.
So, are we really going to start submitting screen captures every time an automated system makes a mistake? I’m sure we’ve all seen something like this before. It isn’t funny unless a person directly made or oversaw the mistake. Computers do dumb stuff all the time.
I decorate cakes for a hobby and every time I order a cake decorating book on Amazon, I get suggestions for diet books. It is quite comical when you weigh right around 100 pounds and you are getting diet books suggested to you.
Is it a mistake? If the same people tend to like both movies, it’s a complete WIN.
Yup! Even after being deceased for 10 years, my dog still gets Life Insurance Solicitations, free Business Magazine Subscriptions and Credit Card offers even though he never once had a full time job!
Apparently MY dog really needs a bigger penis.
* does not want to know how that comment relates to anything because I’m afraid of what your answer would be *
Hee hee hee…
no, I just signed him up for a gmail account. He almost fell for that bank scam.
Oh I know! My dog almost sent his life savings to Nigeria!
Good thing we caught them in time! But now he’s crying ’cause he thinks he’s fat.
Emo-dog?
Well, you’d be emo too if your name was Baron Von Muppetpants.
Oh no you d’int! SRSLY??? Sheesh, the poor dog…
*calls PETA*
hee hee thanks i now understand. My dog had a “company” which is still constantly getting offers for 1000 Free Sales Leads and Business Directory listings.
PORN!
The internet is really really great…..For Porn!
(Avenue Q)
Hmmmmmm.
That is so insanely, incredibly funny that I forgot to laugh.
Ooh! We’re bringing back, “So funny, I forgot to laugh”? Smooth move, ex-lax… NOT!
It just goes to show… You can’t judge a book by its cover.
Sure you can. That’s why books have covers, so you have an idea what it’s about.
Nah. I tried to judge “Good to the last bite” by its cover and I failed: there were chapters in that book where people were not in their undies!!!
Those were the chapters with all the fingerprints, eh, Lou?
I could not leave as many fingerprints as I was using only a hand to hold the book!!
Eso es un trabajo que requiere de dos manos.
Unless the book’s cover has either Mein Kampf or The Autobiography of Dan Quayle, then this is true.
That is also true if the book has written in its cover Finer points in the spacing and arrangement of type
I never understood what that one was about.
I am waiting for the movie.
I have the book in Braille, if you’re interested.
But if I read on Braille I won’t have any free hand!
Entonces, vas a tener que usar tu lengua. Qué lastima.
Creo que en cuanto empiece a usar mi lengua me distraeré completamente del libro…
Otra vez, repito – qué lastima.
Muy bien, sabes que no puedo resistirme a tus deseos.
*hopes not running into problems in his job if his points are not fined and his space arranged*
Querido, tu tienes que trabajar en la mañana. ¿No deberías ir a dormir ahora.?
Cierto
No tengo tiempo ni para una ducha fría!
Vamos a dormir. *besos*
He doesn’t have time for a cold douche? Yikes. Who does?
Sorviete de Moriango!
The last time you told me to read something in braille you were making a mess on my living room floor. I don’t trust you and your “braille”.
Hey, I have been housebroken since 2006.
Oh, please. It’s not “housebroken” when you shurg your shoulders and say, “It’s just pee.”
I’m not shurging my shoulders again, it makes me incontinent.
Which one? Europe?
Pangaea.
4 stars for The Wizard? We have a serious fail here!
you have selected Care Bears, we recommend you rent dawn of the dead
You recently rented First Blood, Black Hawk Down and Stop Loss. We recommend Sound of Music.
We recommend you go for Texas next year.
You can take me out of Florida but you can never take Florida out of me. GO GATORS/’NOLES/CANES!
You recently rented Saw IV. We recommend Bambi II.
hey, i love netflix.
Last!
Sorry, but no.
Don’t be sorry, Mitchillio.
Whoever thought this was a fail is a fail him or herself. This is a win. A lot of people who grew up in the late 80’s and early 90’s have nostalgic appreciation for both Bloodsport and The Wizard.
NO! IT’S BECAUSE THEY BOTH HAVE TOURNAMENTS AT THE END!
THE WIZARD F-ING RULES…
i’m one of the worlds greatest nintendo fanatics…
Like mario?
but I love Jenny Lewis!
yay this feels good!!!
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Picard facepalm?
yes!
So who else loves the Power Glove?
i love power glove…
i know all 97 games…
This is a total win. I like both Bloodsport and the Wizard, and I’d be kind of floored if Netflix successfully made that connection.
It seems to be a netflix thing, I once got
We recommend: The Anna Nicole Smith Show Season 1
Because you liked: Child’s Play, Child’s Play 2, and Friday the 13th.
I love the Power Glove. It’s so bad.
you’re all wrong. both movies culminate in a tournament to determine an ultimate champion. so it makes perfect sense.
Martial arts movie watchers are such nerds.
Netflix suggested that to me because I watched “Blue Velvet”.
pfff lol!
This is funny because there is a movie called “wizard” that does relate to bloodsport. My dad was looking for it… some kind of vigilante sort of movie from what I recall.
If you liked Bloodsport, you are a massive toolbag and would by default, like The Wizard as well. Netflix is unparalleled when it comes to recognizing bad taste.
I just saw this movie like a week ago, it was so good.
Both movies failed so much, I think this recommendation is appropriate. They are both appropriate for the same retards.
Just some of those retards happen to be children too.
That’s Jenny Lewis from Rilo Kiley on the cover.
Rilo Kiley?
*sobs*
Does He Love You = Automatic Emo Conversion
I you to love this movie when I was like 7… “California!”
Van Damme is like the retarded kid from The Wizard in Hollywood. He never says anything, but somehow someone thought it’d be a bright idea to listen a couple times because they did greenlight Legionaire. What’s weird is sorta get the netflix thing though, cuz in both they travel to a contest. But, yea….really? Damn you network syndicated TV and no cable! Insert high “Wrath of Khan” shot. Like I wanted to see Mannequin 2, yea that was at the top of my list……