Submitted by Calum T
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first! so annoying…
“All I want for chrismas is you!”
Oh god, how depressing. The first fail I’ve ever seen that’s actually from my country… and it’s about a sex offender.
What country are you from? It looks like the daily telegraph from here in Aus
Northern Ireland. It’s from the Lurgan Mail according to google.
Santa sings a lullaby -
Too-rha-loo-rha-loo-ral,
Too-rha-loo-rha-li,
Too-rha-loo-rha-loo-ral,
Hush, now don’t you cry!
*My apologies to all things Irish.*
Yea it was a guy in my class took it. Finally a local fail =P
You live in Lurgan? My deepest sympathies…
(And I hope you don’t walk home from school alone after dark.)
I thought he lived at the North Pole, which has claims laid on it by Russia, Canada and the USA.
I thought you were the first fail of your country…
you just won so hard
Fat, bearded guy wanted, with a big sack.
If you are looking for bears, maybe you can use BeHarmony services.
I am not sure if failblog is the best place for your ad.
… likes to have children sit on his lap
… Breaks into houses through the chimney…
….Knows if you’ve been naughty or nice…
… leaves principals in the dark over neighbour …
… knows children love reindeer …
… will give me Ayds for Christmas…
…has mistletoe ready if you wake up…
. . . knows when you’re awake . . .
…is ready to gift you with his Wunder Boner…
… comes with dancers and prancers and vixen …
… fills your stockings with “gifts”…
…only cums once a year.
Hi B2th. I see Dana didn’t smother you in your sleep. You live to post another day!
LOLLL Calum your from lurgan!?!
…the only Santa that uses a magic wand…
no wonder he has a lightning bolt scar!
He is a mean one, that Grinch!
I wonder if failblog was one of the sources used by the reporter.
All reporter’s sources come from Failblog
Explains the astonishing rate of failure in the media today.
No silly, that was your biographer. Book will be titled “From hot chick to hot cougar, a lifetime of achievements”.
Wow, now this is embarrassing. I will bury my head in the bukkit for my bad aim hitting “Reply” links.
Sorry Retaba, I didn’t meant to call you “hot”.
It’s OK, Lou. If you want to try to swing both ways, I won’t judge…
There’s hope for me yet!
a swing and a miss and a mister cuddles
Hm?
i’d hit that
But….you already told me twice…
It’s fine, no one knows what I look like with all these shadows
P.S. In the future, I’m more Ursine then Feline ;3
Someday we will use a flashlight, cats are curious.
P.S. I think ronber was looking for someone Ursine up in this fail.
No light can pierce these shadows…
P.S. Yeah I really didn’t point it out then because I did in another fail, so -shrug-
My flashlight was manufactured by a company named Galadriel & Co.
Sadly your warranty has sailed into the west.
I wondered why that guy was asking so many questions…
No silly, that was your biographer. Book will be titled “From hot chick to hot cougar, a lifetime of achievements”.
You know you’re listed on my curriculum vitae as a reference, right?
I know. That biographer just call me to double check some facts.
Your impressive ability using naughty words in Spanish tongue and your impressive ability using your tongue on a naughty Spanish.
I confirmed both.
I’m going to have to give you a tongue-lashing later for being so naughty.
Popcorn time.
Shadow, where you been, man?
Europe.
Hee! I’m planning a trip there soon.
You know what? Comments wont nest below this level.
Is Europe big enough? I mentioned to Ry when my passport’s getting it’s next flogging.
Maybe we should all meet up! FB European Vacation!
Failblog family vacation! WOoOOooOO!
Forget WallyWorld, hot Eyetalian men, here we come!….
well, at least fail is in your name. nice to know you haven’t set your sights *excessively* high.
They were wrong! Santa lives at the North Pole!
Actually, Santa has a sweet Estate in Cancun, Mexico
second omg omgomg wowwwwwwwwwwww
counting fail!
His name is ‘dumb’. What do you expect? :O
hi
hello
你好
bonjour
hallo
γειά σου
ciao
こんにちは
여보세요
olá!
здравствулте!
hola
‘sup?
here’s all the spanish i know, in the order that i always seem to use it: hola, salsa, chimichanga, taco, peso, gracias.
H3110
Wow, I bet that guy really stands out now that Christmas time is over. Much easier to spot…
Lol, so true. Especially with that huge FAIL on his knee.
wasn’t this guy taken care of a few fails ago? short drop, sudden stop and all that
Ho Ho Ho… Three times the fun!
All that stuff’s just a beard, right?
His girlfriend is going to be so upset when he finds out he’s just using her to make his parents think he’s straight.
It’s a trap.
It’s a strap on.
(… ‘cuz his girlfriend is a he … )
What a twist! Can you be a beard for someone if you’re also secretly a man??
*wishes she could stay home and watch Passions*
Weirdy Beardy?
its true, i heard he likes children…
lol
I invite everyone to look between the previous comment and this person’s username. I think we found the pervert.
i eat babyz 2
!
So his rosey cheeks are red with shame… or lust?
That twinkle in his eye was actually a pending act of molestation. And quite possibly pink eye, but in this instance, probably the former.
Conjunctivitis is no laughing matter. It killed my entire family.
Including you?
Or are you not part of your family?
Or did you lose your head to the space helmet just in time to avoid death?
Oh no!… conjuntivitis its like antrax, but… kinda more disgusting, it is REALLY SERIOUS
Ho Ho Hoooo! Wanna see MY Candy Cane?
Gee-willikers, Mr. Santa! Not if it’s anything like that north pole you showed me last year!
Man, I have to tell the kids the truth about Santa Claus.
and remember kids… He watches you, all the year, and maybe, just maybe even when you are going to take a bath… hahahahaha
Now we know why there are so many home video’s of little kids crying when they are sat in his lap, they know, they really know.
i knew it my whole life, santa is a perv!
“Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
I’ve been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight”
P.S. click name for song
Eartha Kitt did it best, my she rest in pease.
Oh man.. Eartha Kitt was like the Mookie of singers.
And what’s that new name you got, Retaba?
You stole my schtick! -glares instead of stares-
… and it shook when he came like a bowl full of jelly…
Jenny put the kettle on, jellyman kelly,
Can he come home, jenny, can he come?
He came, and now Jenny is covered in jelly.
Oh, dear.
And he came bearing a surprise for all good boys and girls…
eeek
Then I wonder what they naughty children got…-strokes beard-
-bearded chlamydia-
Indeed -strokes imaginary beard-
Brings a new meaning to “coal” in your stocking. Blech.
First first first first first! Winz for the Dana!
You won a visit from Santa(perv)! Congratulations!
Oh by the way we’ll seal all exits and block the windows
-Does his best Chris Hansen impression- Why don’t you have a seat right over there?
-backs off- no thanks man, I think I’ll just go out and -pulls out walkie talkie- “Santa, its time to do your thing. Give Chris Hansen your snake and shove it in. Hard.
-Does his best Trolls 2 impression- OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
I know, Failblog is so damn slack about categorizing their fails by subject. I insisted on alphabetical, but they weren’t having any of it.
Failblog isn’t here to create disorder, they’re here to preserve disorder.
.
*Dilettante, what happened to the pretty face?*
I dunno, it felt weird having my picture on here…
For me, I like having my eye upon you all…
-raises an eyebrow- I see all…
Gah!! It’s Sauron!
.
Mikey!! Hide your ring!
I concealed it behind a potato. . .
*waddles off hurriedly*
Well look at my picture i really dont care if you see us all….
I had the same problem with mine. I felt it was judging me.
Ya know, Marius, I just realized what your pic is. I think I have that knife set.
Hee! Hee!
Really? What is it? It looks like a drawing of a small red man being stabbed by two knives to me.
As much as I hate these words . . . click my name.
I wish I had known about that in time for Christmas. There are… several… men who should have received this.
We pick one up for my sister-in-law who is in the process of divorcing a real winner.
Woah, harsh product name. I’ve only seen it advertised as the Voodoo knife block.
So I was right! Hee. Thanks for the link, Marius.
De nada.
-backs off- no thanks man, I think I’ll just go out and -pulls out walkie talkie- “Santa, its time to do your thing. Give Chris Hansen your snake and shove it in. Hard.”
you forgot to click the reply button, didn’t you?
Mnhm
you got that right
Oh, snap!
How is that fail? The guy probably dresses up like Santa to get more children to pay attention to him. The only fail is that he hasn’t been put to death yet.
Great job genius. No really you are extremely smart. Oh wait no, you’re the dumbest person alive. The photo of Santa and the pervert story are COMPLETELY UNRELATED AS DENOTED BY THE GIANT BLACK LINE COMPLETELY CUTTING OFF THE PERVERT STORY FROM THE REST OF THE PAGE, WHY IS THIS WORLD FULL OF IDIOTS?
This is so stupid. Not that any of the morons on this site would know any better but the bold, black box surrounding the “alert” is what separates it from the rest of the page. Idiots. This isn’t even remotely funny.
Somebody sign this idiot up for Dragon’s Humo(u)r 101 class asap.
WHAT?!?!? those black lines around text seperates it from the rest of the page?? :O i always thought somebody already connected the dots for me
Hahahahahaha.
*Puts bold black box around Slaphappy.*
slap you fool, u killed it, no wait, u slaughtered the humour…
its the placment, dont take it seriously…
THE ARROGANCE OF YOU PEOPLE STUNS ME! YOU MAKE LIGHT OF THE MOST VILE AND DANGEROUS OF CRIMES, WITH YOUR PITHY AND SUPPOSEDLY WITTY COMMENTS. NOT EVERYTHING IS FUNNY, AND YOUR ATTEMPTS TO TURN THE CRIME OF PEDOPHILIA INTO A LAUGHING MATTER IS QUITE LITERALLY SHOCKING.
I WILL BE REPORTING THIS SITE AND ITS USERS TO ASACP.ORG
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
“Marcus Anders” is the same waste-of-tome “Roman Anderson” confessed troll from the “AYDS is God’s punishment” fail yesterday.
Would this ‘tome’ be the collected complaints about and witty reponses to trolls?
(Did you mean witty rapunzels?)
.
Both “tome” and “time” are ultimately related to the Proto-Indoeuropean root meaning “to cut” or “divide” — as in, “I’m cutting out here, as wasting efforts on trolls feels like lobotomy time.
Seriously. Thorazine time for me.
Hey, that’s no fun!
I go to all that effort to set a fairly nice trap, and you go and spoil it.
What a waste of my ‘tome’
Boring copypasta is boring.
meh, live in Canada and read a Sun newspaper. they pull that happy pic + serious front page headline stuff like every other day
Your kid belongs to Santa
Santa’s like a sex offender
All your kid are belong to Santa.
Maybe the were talking about the sex offender that worked with the USPS in their volunteer program
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Sex-Offender-Botches-Operation-Santa.html
Would anyone seriously title an article in a newspaper “PERVERT ALERT”? That seems a little extreme.
I’ve heard of Pedobear, but…
PedoSANTA?
The sad thing is most of the sex offenders in my neighborhood do look like Santa (long white beards) it’s scary having children!
MOST of them?!? How many sex offenders live in your neighborhood?!
Four, three have white beards, reason number 382 I sit at the bus stop with my daughters
Good mom. I’m scared to go to the website about it, and I don’t even have kids.
what… you mean you only have a few?
Someone alert Jay Leno!
no dont do that….his chin is so big it will take him 5 hours to get here when it appears…i know fail >.< i am not funny
!!! omg i just realized that was my second comment on failblog….this is my third lol someone introduce me to evey one i know mookie *jumps out of bushes and runs away*
That’s what I find disturbing about Santa Clau; it’s a fat, old man in a red suit, carrying a sack over his back saying he “has something for your kids.” That’s sim ply screwed up. I am now bolting my door on Christmas Eve from now on.
Santa Clau is *CENSORED* to tooooooown
Haha, so true.. Aren’t kids usually taught not to talk to strangers, especially when they claim to have something (candy/puppies/toys/etc) for them? What a mindf*ck..
I thought the fail was the incredibly unprofessional non-candid shot running in a newspaper.
I mean, we all knew he was kinda a perv anyways.
I always knew that this guy is something wrong
Bah. I submitted a much better quality image of this FAIL three weeks ago… *mutter*
Anyway, I know the guy dressed as Santa. We ragged him about it something fierce.
Santa’s ok. He’s just misunderstood.
I am afraid of santa now..
so am i *jumps out of bushes and runs from a santa thats raping me* OMG HELP
I knew it all along!
he sees u when u sleep =]
i never liked santa i always thought he waz creepy lookin!!!!!!!!! lol
santa!! i expected better of you!!
LMFAOOOOOO!O!O!O!O
santa is weird.
HAHA IT RHYMES.
On the 1,349,251st day of Christmas, Santa Claus gave to me…
We’ll obviously we have a rapist in Lincoln Park.
He’s he’s climbing down your chimney’s he’s snatchin’ your people up.
so you better hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband coz they’re rapin everybody out there!
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