Submitted by Heidi F
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Did someone say pedobear?
go pedobear! im thinking of pears:P
Second……………..
pairs
pairs (.) (.)
Pears
(o)(o)
*peers*
Pier.
o/\
____L \
| | | || \
Comment system cut my fisherman in half.
There’s nothing worse than a rod cut in half.
Just ask John Wayne Bobbitt.
Lunchbox…after looking at your little drawing up there, and looking at your avatar, I’m sensing a trend in terms of your appreciation of certain…curvy…shapes!
haha, like a hand?
Careful. Your grade in Humo(u)r 101 right now is a D-. You really don’t want it to drop any further.
Dragon, you KNOW what I like…
Yes I do…you like where this tattoo right here is placed.
*wicked grin*
*doubly wicked grin and a wink*
Nothing wrong with appreciating beautiful art, now is there?
is it me or did that person only buy one shoe?…-.-
and yes i clicked reply to someones comment because i didnt feel like scrolling down with this stupid laptop scrolling pad…
….comments WILL nest below this level!
you might need the wunder boner.
Send in the Failboat.
( ! )
*rears*
funny… i was thinking potatoes.
Second……
second?
…hand
…rate
…nature
…thought
…string
…fiddle
…coming
*gets the tissue*
*feels the tissue’s pain*
I’m sorry but I’ve become accustomed to the ShamWow for my unsightly messes. Tissue just isn’t the same anymore and it just doesn’t compare to the absorbancy of the ultimate chamois.
Don’t you still have B2th’s from the other fail? Although I guess we ran out of clean corners…
It’s all crusty and hard. I was hoping Avis would send me a new one and some bacon vodka.
vodka is always gooooooooood
just not after a bowl of soup and 8 shots of tequila
That sounds like a recipe for a projectile.
He said his name is Ralph, man.
Is the shamwow any good in cleaning up chunks?
For an extra $24.95 you can get the vacuum attachment. Or you can just let your dog clean them up.
I have an extension rod available at no cost.
We cant do this all day
I think you’re wrong, we CAN do this all day… besides, if the Shamwow is out of corners, just fold it and Voila, more corners!!!
*squeegies*
WOOP!
Hee hee…do that again…
Seriously, please, New Year’s Eve is still a little too fresh in my mind for us to be discussing chunks so much. Have a heart, guys.
Nasty, nasty Shamwow. I’ll just spend the $20 a month on paper towels. *GAAKK*
You’ll LOVE my nuts.
She probably just accidentally typoed 7 instead of 17, this “fail” is a fail
yep, that’s the same what I thought…
I don’t think there is a mother that dumb to buy this kind of shoes for her 7 year old daghter.
The world is not THAT bad.
ah kinky
ah, hideous.
ah, hideously kinky
ah, hideously kinky footwear
hideously kinky footwear… ahhhh….
At first I thought this was a terrible gift for a mother to give. Then I reread the testimonial and thought, what if it’s from the father? Now that’s kinky!
Fantastic footwear fetish father fail.
Forsooth!
Verily.
I say unto thee.
Amen.
Verdad
I’d where those
third
Lol!
Loli
¡ןoן
pop
Second
fourth?
Go fourth my son and search high and low for a comment that is both funny and poingant at the same time. Search the mountain tops and valleys of Michigan for the one they call Mookie. Go to her and bring offerings of alcohol, kinky footwear and young men. Only she can help you, only she.
Well done Sammy-the-thread-killer!
Sammy does rock some killer threads! Seventies, Sammy? Love the velour…
I put the leisure in leisure suit.
*does the hustle*
Oh, major bad earworm, Sammy!
doot doo doo do doot do doo doo doo!
Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno! (ha, take THAT Sammy!)
Mookie, you’re a Brick House, (she’s) mighty mighty, lettin’ it all hang out!
Abandon Quest.
-.-
fourth
Nope. Third grade – and it’s still wrong, tiger.
Huh? What is?
YOUR EYE
It’s the…
… and now, for something completely different…
…a man with a tape recorder, up his brother’s nose.
How did the man fit up his brother’s nose???
…and he’s watching us all with the EYYYYEEEEEE-of the tigerrrrrr!
Brown-Eye
Pterygium
The Fuchs’ you say!
I know, I know … the conjunctiva was a little stretched.
I prefer promiscuous lemons.
They recommend *the service from zappo’s*.
I recommend service from his or her daughter
I once met a real whore of a potato.
…though broccoli has a moreish twist.
Did the vicar come attached, or was he sold separately?
I’ll have to ask Fluffy, she has a Ph.D. in Clergy-Tuber Studies.
Loufail is an undergraduate taking that course. He is at the intern phase, can’t go anywhere without a tuber.
The tuber and mushrooms are always in my luggage, improvement comes with practice
Insufflation also. Do the shrooms help with that?
I find it’s hard to get the shrooms past the blood-brain barrier. Unless you mince them very, very finely.
*recommends brewing tea*
Cool “new” word Insufflation!
I shall use it to amaze friends and confound mine enemies.
ie: Go insufflate a skunk’s ass, you fool!
First make sure your enemies aren’t colonoscopists!
Oooooo, why you’re a veritable medicat-alog of nifty lexicon today!
Excellent suffixation, Skwerlly Bob!
AND after clicking your link: Also a frightening looking, self professed
sound-obsessed medical language specialist!
Or is that a skwerl you are wearing on your face?
Lol – no; skunk neither I hope!
Well that girl will be a hit with the boys at school.
What is the legal age for reassignment?
She doesn’t even need a milkshake with those shoes.
Damn right. What does she charge?
$6.
Discounts offered if you get the drinks in.
I prefer to shop for my daughter at WHORES ‘R’ US.
Anyone seen the South Park episode with Paris Hilton: “Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset?”
AND — a big hello to all you kids who live in your parents’ basements and constantly vie to be the first commenter.
Reference to the fail that made sense and was humourous – check
Hates “first” trolls – check
Insults are somewhat witty and not just mindless dribble with swear words – check
Capable of using correct spelling and grammar – check
Looks like you’ll do well here. Welcome to failblog.
(clickie my name for a wonderful place to shop)
Nope, no more clicketty, I have learned my lesson.
teee hee.. that was funny the fat ladies… But no Marius, this is a link back to failblog, to an older fail.
*Gives Fluffy the quizzical eye.*
*Clicks and laughs.*
Hee…!
I secretly took my sister’s “confused” son there!
At first she was really pissed, but now they can share clothes!
On a side note, Papa Roach has a new song about the likes of Paris, Brittney, and others… called, of course, “Hollywood Whore”.
You fail @ fialing>
Wow, Catholic school uniforms have come a long way since I was a kid.
I hope your uniform included at least a garter belt.
I still have it. Wanna see?
I can hardly wait. I will wear the leopard print underwear of my old uniform!
Wow, those are sweet. Everything always looks so… large… in leopard.
The merit is not in the leopard print; it is in how the garter belt suits to your body.
Well, then, I’ll keep it on, it won’t get in our way… Besides, it matches the bustier and I’d hate to break up the outfit.
But the tone of your nylons is not a perfect match for the bustier… I will need to remove them… with my teeth.
I have plenty more stockings, feel free to rip right through them.
Contributes 1 dime, 7 pennies, a bottle cap and 24 earring backs from my shiny stuff stash to help get y’all a room!
Wait I’ll get the vidcam
*lurks in corner*
Genuine leather, eyelets and an extra 5” tall heel give your kids a commanding sense of style!
Plus, the high heel lets her pass for at least 10. Really opens up the range of hittable guys.
If there’s grass on the infield…
Let’s play… baseball?
This little teaser of a phrase clearly works better in British English.
“If there’s grass on the infield play ball.”
“If she’s seven I’m in heaven.”
“If she’s nine she’s mine.”
-Famous quotes from my Uncle Steve.
What does the nine-year-old wear on her feet?
I don’t know, what does a nine year old wear on her feet?
I don’t know, mine arent’ that old yet – but one is almost seven, and I hope she doesn’t go for the heels.
Stripper Boots, silly
Nothing, if she’s barefoot and pregnant like she damn well should be.
Well, as long as she can cook radish curry, OK.
If she’s young enough to bleed, she’s young enough to breed!
It’s the asymeterical design that I like!
What a coincidence! When I was seven I met my first boyfriend wearing shoes just like those, and he was a doctor too!
:-O
This seems to be the result of the hard smiley training you did yesterday.
or 
or 
I am not sure if going
But let me suggest you going to the lolcats page for further training.
Your boyfriend wore shoes like those?
He’s just a sweet transvestite . . .
Yeah, but he had to fight Magenta for the shoes…
…but in the end, Eddie Izzard won.
*snort*
Hopefully, he is a podiatrist…
He’s a pedo-ologist.
The word you seek is “pedologist.”
I have a zester in my kitchen.
Do you keep it next to the wunder boner?
No, next to the potato
That’s a whore of a tuber.
I could get hurt that way, Mookie.
Oh, I see now. New Jersey.
THAT is funny. Jersey. hehehee
Yeah, those shoes come with a certificate for a free hair color, cut and poof as well as a case of tan in a can.
What, no gum?
O.M.G…. Walking through the store yesterday (yes, here in Jersey) I passed the EXACT person you’re referring to. 1985 hair, jeans with high-heel boots, hair taller than I am, chewing gum like it’s life-sustaining… I was stopped in my tracks out of shock.
You’re a train?
I’ve seen them here too LB. The look is crawling back from the grave.
*Remembers dating them. Shudders.*
Um…oh dear.
I had the jeans with high-heel boots.
I had “Heart-hair”.
…But I never chewed gum!
No no no Dragon. They are a special kind of self involved, airhead indigenous to the NJ, LINY areas only.
No surprise LB. It was probably someone that snuck off Staten Island for the holiday. Although, I must say, there were quite a few that matched that description down at “the shore” when I went on the rare occasion. I worked with a woman that we were sure was Pet Bundy with a Jersey accent.
Dang…they cut off the signature
it says:
Sincerely
Lynne Spears
*Chuckles*
*Knuckles*
*Knockles*
Buckles
moose knuckles
Delicious and nutritious.
Hey, I didn’t know there was a Zappos Party Van.
Excellent.
Including FREE T-shirt with pricelist printed on the back.
What every little whore needs <3
So he received it the next day and didn’t have to pay for it. What’s so weird about it?
The use of “promiscuous” in the description and “for my 7 year old daughter” didn’t stand out to you at all?
Oh man, if that was you being sarcastic, I’m about to cop so much crap over that aren’t I? Please tell me you were serious.
Phaet’s a trollie, Mitch, and I like him. Go ahead and play along if you like.
You and your penchant for trolls…
Me too… Especially their pinkies…
I am serious, and dont call call me Shirley.
I don’t see anything strange with that too. Kids wear many stupid things. I saw someone who had his hair shaped like uss enterprise (at least it looked like that).
So maybe his daughter is an emo. Big freakin deal!
Promiscuous=/=emo. Promiscuous=having lots of sex. Not something you want 7 year olds to do.
Whore childrem come first. This is why these shoes were delivered in just a day.
What I really like about you Lou, is you always let everyone else come first.
Lou is another of the Men of Chivalry, here at Failblog. The phrase, “Ladies first” has special meaning to us.
too bad my daughter JonBenet is no longer with us. I’d LOVE for her to have these.
Missing Her,
Patsy
yeah.. not funny. Please don’t make jokes about murdered children.
…whilst also pretending to be her dead mother.
Yes it would have been much kinkier to have been the father.
and why did she only give the shoes three stars? Was she hoping for a sluttier look than what she got?
That’s legit how Jersey people are. We need more fail posts to expose their backwards ways.
Typical lace curtain Irish, always looking down their nose when they should tend to their own house cleaning.
The fail is all wrong. She meant to say her 70 mother, not her 7 year old daughter. This may be Jersey but they don’t start that young, they just forget to stop at a certain age.
Mutton dressed as lamb. *checks own outfit, worries*
*wonders*
Who wrote the book of love?
Hm, dressed in Magnetic Fields? Nice.
Nice? Yes & No.
There’s a slight problem with the paper clips, thumbtacks, sissors and staplers orbiting her.
And that’s a whole outfit right there.
Welcome to the West, my lovely.
Okay so I went looking for the shoes on Zappos.
Good news – they come in gold and pewter!
Bad news – they smell like they have been painted and if you have narrow feet, they might not be the shoe for you.
In a pinch, you can make some nifty shoes out of old tissue boxes.
A Martha Stewart wanna be?
Mookie I’m disappointed!
First, you cut a hole in the box…
We used to do THAT at the movies and call it “Popcorn Surprise”!
Yeah, I’m more than just a hot piece of ass. Sorry to disappoint!
A point worth dissing if it’s let down by that ;p
Pedo Bear says: Too Old >:-\
Wait – a BOOT?! With OPEN TOES?! In NEW JERSEY?!
Obvious fail.
Ya I think he posted his comment under the wrong product. Gotta wonder how he mistook THAT for a boot though… Maybe he needs some new glasses?
oops – “he OR she” that is ^_^;;;;;
The fact that the comment doesn’t exist amongst the three comments for these shoes on zappos is irrelevant. I hate myself just a tiny bit for doing this but it appears someone did a bit of creative cut-n-pasting to submit this fail.
Oh…how the mighty have fallen…
*sob*
I know and I am sorry.
(.Y.)
They’re obviously fake…
Photoshopped.
The pixels appear erect, though.
*snickers*
You have a problem with fake boobs?
Never!!! They taste the same on the outside, and they’re just as fun to play with!!!
*sighs in relief*
Just to clarify, we’re not talking about anything outrageous… the range C-D is perfect, D+ is fine… FF, however, no thanks. I prefer to be able to breathe when I’m playing horse for a cowgirl!!!
Well, we will have to have a conversation that no one else can see to go into detail.
LOL, yeah buddy that was pretty funny dude!
Jes
http://www.anonymity.at.tc
Wow, what an insightful comment! And with such a relevant link! I propose that Jesse should be paid as a full-time commenter on failblog, as his aggregation of other pertinent stories has the potential to become legendary. Truly a scholar without equal.
buba wears the same!!!
Did your Mommy buy them for you, too?
Is buba a 7 year old girl?
buba is not an old girl. buba is american!
Bowie did a song about him.
Dateline NBC predator bait shoes
And your seven year old daughter will be pregnant within 10 years.
No no no.. that only happens in Alaska, not Jersey.
Pew! Pew! Pew!
It’s nice when parents let their kids learn about the family business. It looks like this mother bought the daughter the entire uniform. Used to include, you know, clothes but business is probably bad, what with the shitty economy and all.
Anpu is disappointed that the mother is using cheap child labor this way. Children are not whores. They are people, and therefore should be put to work and given corporal punishment whenever they mess up. big time.
*sings* “Here’s your one chance, Fancy, don’t let me down…”
And/or a very nice name for a techno club
But “Bristol Zesty” is taken.
No online presence – obscure lol?
Bristol Palin (what Fluffy the Fish said above)
she probably meant 17 or 27 year old daughter, typos, we all make them. but still, if i became a mom, i wouldn’t buy my seventeen year old daughter a pair of shoes called ‘Promiscus Zesty’ xD
I wouldn’t buy those shoes no matter how old the daughter in question was. I would buy them for a particular friend though, she has her very own stripper pole in her home. She does burlesque.
Then you clearly shouldn’t have children.
I’m thinking “Little Miss Sunshine”.
Ooh! I just watched that movie today! I remember, as soon as my family saw the movie, they pulled out old pictures of my from when I was a kid. Apparently, I remind everyone of Olive. You know: Hyper, long, brunette hair, glasses, things like that. Ah, how the geekiness of childhood stays embedded in your mind forever…
…New Jersey
That’s exactly what I thought. A typo, supposed to be 17 or 27. However, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with young people wearing what they like. I love PVC clothing and my parents buy me that. I am nineteen and my sister is seventeen, both of us are innocent girls, virgins, educated, nice girls and all that… We’re not sluts or anything… But we love lingerie, little dresses and skirts, expensive clothes and jewelry and so our parents buy us that. I’m just saying… All girls don’t wear high heels and mini skirts because they’re sluts or trashy… Like me and my sister just really love pretty clothes. Not accusing anyone of anything, just sharing my view! /Signe
Tease.
NOPE i just like pretty clothes
I suppose PVC clothing keeps laundry costs down.
Sure, but it costs a fortune in talcum or baby powder to get into it…
pff really funny… pvc clothes aren’t so hard to get into, just takes some practice to be able to dress yourself in them.
well… you cant machine wash them no. they have to be carefully rinsed in the shower.
You’re not going to be innocent long if you keep hanging around here.
OMG! I got this for my daugther too. She loves it. She says it makes her job so much easier since it’s so comfortable. I’m glad I can let my daugther work with nice shoes.
Had to be from New Jersey…. *facepalm*
FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!1!!!!111!1!!!!11!1 !!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hhhhm now thats a laggy computer
sorry ignore this comment
WTF is anyone doing buying a little kid a pair of shoes like that? LOL
At least it gives the people on FailBlog something to laugh at.
I bought my 87 year old granny a pair…
*sings* “Here’s your one chance, Granny, don’t let me down…”
Am I the only one that was confused by the rating? Excelent servive, excelent quality, etc… 3 star rating?
Did you expect any more class of someone from Jersey?
jk
“Merry XXXmas darling! Now, go hang your fishnets by the chimney with care!”
Yes Mummy! Are you sure Santa will come if I do?
i’m a whore.
It’s probably suppossed to say ’17 year old daughter’ but it kind of typoed but then that takes the fun out of it. >:D
I hope it was a typo. But i still cant imagine what would happen if the 7 year old showed up to school in those………… (shudders uncontrollably)
I’m really hoping she meant 17.
That is not cool!
buahahhaha !
do they even sell sizes for 7 year olds?
Did no one realize that the photo is the reviewer’s avatar (or icon or whatever) and NOT a picture of the shoe that was purchased?
Granted “Promiscuous Zesty” is an odd name for a mother to take on a public forum, but it’s not a testimonial fail.. It’s not even a shoes-for-your-kid fail.
Nope. Go to Zappos.com (I recognize the style, that’s where this is from) and scroll down the home page to where the sample reviews are. The photos are of the shoes being reviewed, not a reviewer’s avatar. I suspect there was a temporary problem matching reviews to products by the SKUs or something.
As for the mother, some humane or spelling assistance is nessasary. The humane, being a bolt through the head. (Subtlty fail I know but….)
This person is from NJ, which is where I’m originally from, and i can honestly say that i am not one bit surprised
Wow this would go great for the (get this) “Police Uniform” she bought.
i think someones 7 year old is going to be a stripper when she grows up
I thought that the overall rating and “excellent quality” was fail.
this is a little odd.
that’s just disturbing
*tests what happens in failblog when replying to a quarantined comment*