Submitted by Rod M
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Cheezburger Company Blog
first
i challenge you to a noob duel.
…?
You won.
apparently… how do u noob duel?
I don’t.
y not?
In order to noob duel one must be a noob.
I’m a noob.
*waves gauntlet around hopefully*
noob or boob? Is that a type-o?
*feels obligated to remove the “e” and hyphen*
Maybe he was talking about blood??
*highly doubts that*
*applauds*
I aint no noob
*pulls out wooden shield, bronze pick axe, and some air runes..*
Did Kraig just tacitly admit to being a boob?
did kraig just admit to being a runescape nerd?
*edges away*
hmm… mayb
anybody wanna tell me wth bukket is?
sure. http://speaklolspeak.com/page/Teh+story+of+teh+lolrus+who+haz+lost+his+Bukkit
On your head, apparently.
HAHAHAHAHA YOUR A FUNNY GUY!!!!…jerk
Noob or not noob. That is the question.
“I miss the old trolls we could play with, without their precious little feelings getting hurt.”
Seriously. Everyone’s getting so butthurt today! I miss ghouck.
She showed up again a while ago…I almost called you to tell you!
I AM NOT OVERLY SENSITIVE! WHY OH WHY DO YOU ABUSE ME SO?
HE!
Gawd. Fumble-fingers.
WHAT?? ghouck’s a girl and showed up? *head just asploded*
He he. My ass just hedsploded.
is the potato ok?
Uh, he’s looking a little dicey, actually…
I went to sleep. What happened to my gauntlet?
And… did somebody call me a boob?
*reacts angrily*
*reconsiders*
*stands on his dignity*
i have a gaunlet
I bet this is the proudest moment of your life.
You made a mistake. It should have been “the proudest moment of you’re life”.
Erm… but that would equal…
‘The proudest moment of you are life.’
FA’IL
Reference to previous post fail. Way to correct someone when you
don’t know what you’re talking about.
My bad, I did learn that in first grade after all.
3rd grade for me, where the hell did u go to school? psh, probably some 6k$ school in europe
Don’t you mean a 4.3k€ school in Europe?
ya i suppose ur right…
first!
ur the second first… stupid
Let me just clarify – that is not me.
I would never point out a fail then fail myself like that. It would be bordering on epic.
What the crap happened to my reply in the string above this one?
Now my comment doesn’t make any sense!
:/
ummm… what?
I think I get what you’re stabbing at, J2.
Don’t you mean 2th?
FURST
first fail
BRATWURST
are you saying cowboys suck bratwurst? Brokeback sausage?
cowboys suck all kinds of sausages
and the furst comment made me think of bratwurst…
knock knock
Two bratwurst are in a frying pan. One bratwurst says to the other, “Gosh it’s getting hot in here.” The other bratwurst says… “OH MY GOD A TALKING BRATWURST!”
I never sausage a joke.
Yeah, it’s a real weiner, that one!
You never miss a link, do you.
Well, I’d like to stay here chatt’lin away, but it’s late…
That is the wurst goodnight that I’ve come across.
Brat! Be nice.
Dilly, you are red hot tonight!
I think he was being intestinally mean.
I relish at these puns.
No Mookie, I wasn’t mean. I was merely doling out a load of tripe.
Oh, it was clearly a casing of mistaken intentions.
UUH FAIL (its the second fail
)
no no First
THIRST!
HUNGER! i eats cowboys bratwurst
Sleep! I dream cowgirls whatever
Even androids get the blues, and cowgirls dream of electric sheep.
I love how you mix your references.
And I love you, minx.
almost first
almost win
almost fail
RETARDS
Firstards?
Trolltards?
camtards?
Cowturds?
turdle doves?
Leotards?
Tachycardia?
That cardie IS awfully tacky…sorry to say.
Still trying to figure this one out … I find only an obscure technical
writer, a blogger, a synonym for cardigan, and a severely harsh
racist slur for an ethnic group of which I’ve never heard.
Am I trying too hard?
psst she’s being punny.
kthx
I was hoping at least that she didn’t mean her own cardiac speed …
Oops…I mean the abbreviation for a cardigan. I had NO idea it was a slur of any sort. Sowwy.
All good
I was just trying to read more than I should have into the pun, discovering things I did not know (and will soon forget).
Cardassian slur… Star Trek reference
Here, try this sweater vest instead, it’s got safety pins instead of tacks.
SAFETY WIN
SECOND!!
technicaly 4th but you two didnt declare a correct status so i get it.
anyways..that machine bulldozer there got totaly PWND!
ow and btw…
HAPPY NEW FRIGGIN YEAR!!! let the shoes fly!!!
I wanna get a vanity plate:
SIZE 10
don’t be terarded; that isn’t a bulldozer it’s a platform lifter thingiemabober. Dullbozer have blades, this has forks or somethin’ on the front.
i believe the correct term is “fork lift”
And can u properly define “Dulldozer?” I’d attempt the following” bulldozer with a dull shovel… but I’m no expert.
Actually the correct nomencalture would be “skid loader.”
Actually the correct nomenclature is “skid loader.”
fourth!
Fifth…what happened to the fifth? It’s empty! Oh, well. Happy New Year.
Is the liquor store open today?
Turning lame post into something funny = win, imo!
Yes, the lick do is open today…drink often and heavily.
6rd
how do u say that?
sixtzurd or something…
*eighth
Bridge says: nomnomnom
˙lıɐɟ əlqnop ˙uʍop əpısdn ədɐʇ uoıʇnɐɔ
http://www.sevenwires.com/play/UpsideDownLetters.html
˙oʇ pǝʇuɐʍ ɹǝʌǝ noʎ ɟı ˙uʍop ǝpısdn ǝdʎʇ oʇ ʍoɥ @ ʇɐǝɥɔ ǝɔıu ɐ sı ʞuıן ǝʌoqɐ ǝɥʇ ؛uoısɹǝʌ pǝןןıʞs ǝɹoɯ ɐ sı ǝɹǝɥʇ ‘˙ǝ˙ı
ɥƃnoɥʇ unɟ ʇnq ¿uǝǝs ɹǝʌǝ ǝʌ,noʎ ƃuıɥʇ ɥsıpןıɥɔ ʇsoɯ ǝɥʇ sıɥʇ ʇ,usı
Good lord…I certainly hope none of these people ↑ ↑ have made New Year’s resolutions involving being more creative, funny, intelligent or witty. How embarrassing, to ruin it all the very first day.
stfu and enjoy….*throws shoe at dragonwriter*
*intercepts shoe with cougar-swift reflexes* This is a non-violent site!
Glad you intercepted it. It is a horseshoe!
(or maybe an assshoe)
An ano-shoe!
Heyt obey what mookie says! It’s the law!
Also a short film staring, written and directed by Ali Mukaddem
Short films always stare, it’s so rude.
Snowshoe?
That’s animal cruelty! I’m reporting you!
The last time I was a tattletale, it hurt bad, LB…
Oh, yeah, forgot about that… Sorry, secrets to protect and all…
*kisses it all better* (yes, I do remember I zapped your tongue)
Mm! Much better, now.
my bad…I’m not trying to hurt any critters.
/me throws fluffy anti-cougar reflex lolz to mookie
*throws fr4wl0 a grammar book*
*intercepts it and puts it on the chimney*
GRAAMMRZ IZ FUR UHM….NON-LOLZ!!!
Go back to lolcats or whatever.
Ya really, iz hatsz pepulz thatz typz leek dizz…iz gaze
LOLSpeak is an unambiguous language. You’re doing it wrong.
ya i kno, im not so good at it…
Unless the “violence” is between consenting adults, taking appropriate precautions
I have found that after voting on future fails, I feel somewhat
let down when they come up as actual fails. Like knowing
what you’re gonna get for Christmas beforehand.
I think the only reason I come back to see them is for
the comments… Does anyone else get that mom’s-the-toothfairy
feeling when the fails come up?
“…mom’s-the-toothfairy…”? What are you talking about? Is there something here that I don’t know about? Is everyone keeping a secret from me?
No no, sweetie, all she meant was that… uhh… isn’t it past bedtime? Off you go young man!
Yes’m
Hey! You threw jodhpurs at me!
That was done affectionately! *hugs*
Happy New Year to you Mookie, and, of course, to all!
*hugs back*
Hmmm, someone’s looking to get banned.
*throws soon-to-be-former President Bush at shoe*
Dragon, I think I’m staying out of here. What a horrible new year’s.
Noooooo! We NEED you, fluffy!
I’ll follow wherever you two go. Invasion of the… Retards?
On a side note, it is a horrible way to bring in the new year. My “fresh” bag of
Cheetos are stale.
Oh, that sucks.
*gives crazyasian a new bag of Cheetos*
And I’d say it looks like we’ve been invaded by a gang of lower life forms. Hopefully they will either evolve or die out.
I’ve got the sprayer. Who’s got the bleach?
Don’t have the bleach, but the bukkit is full with an unidentified substance. It will have to do.
Has anyone checked ICHC today? Maybe their site is down, thus all the morons posting here? More likely, though, it’s all the little kiddies playing on mommy and daddy’s computer while the adults are nursing hangovers from last night. They should vanish once the grownups are conscious, I hope.
what is the bukkit?
Well, kkkraig, there’s this thing called the internet, it’s silly, I know.
I prefers asiycrazens my self
i challenge you to a shoe duel SIR!
Sir?
Hmm. You just keep proving my point for me, don’t you?
mister, you are one serious party spoiler…either that or ure not drunk…
WOOOOOOOooooo
I hereby make a citizen’s arrest for public drunkenness and felony over-commenting with criminal lack of intelligence.
Would someone like to clue Fr4wl0 into the fact that Dragon is infact female?
I’m really not sure why this is (at least) the second time someone has misinterpreted her gender, but, then again, I’m schizophrenic, so what do I know.
It does happen from time to time…and it always amuses me!
Well I have yet to have my gender misinterpreted commenting here.
My name doesn’t leave too much open to the imagination. But that’s to be discovered only a click away. I’m not sure exactly how I’d react to such confusion. Then again i am crazy.
If you weren’t crazy, why would you be here anyway?
Hi, has anyone seen my uvula? I left it here a minute ago… *oh, what were you all saying about being crazy? I’m as sane as a hatter! Or is that as mad as a fish in a privet bush? Who knows?
*whistles off into the snow*
oi lunatic! get off the grass… and out of my hall!
You do realize what site you’re on right? Or have you never seen these comment pages before.
who u talkin to?
Uh not you? Follow the boxes smartness.
uh yeah am a noob here be eazy on meee
Nesting is tricky. Also, spelling and punctuation are appreciated.
Actually, that’s all the more reason for us to be harsh. Maybe then you’ll leave us alone.
Easy? SHIT NO! Not for you, not now, not for anyone! Survive the burns, wounds, figure it out or fail & go away! This is FAIL Blog MF!
Seriously. My first weeks were rough, and I’m not even retarded like fr4wl0.
Mine, too! I seem to remember I mortally offended an Australian woman with one of my comments and had to spend a day or so making amends…
No. Making social errors do to ignorance of what an environment is like is one thing. We are all exposed to new social situations as we go through life. Behaving as a rude, thoughtless lout is another. Blatantly rotten behavior is not something that we find. It is something we bring with us.
Here are some possible choices for you:
1) Discard it now and join us in a few laughs and thoughts.
2) Maintain it and be linguistically disemboweled on a regular basis.
3) Lurk for a spell and learn just what is what.
4) Leave.
Once again, you have made me happy. I wish I could be half so eloquent.
I seem to be getting cheesed off easier and more often these days. I shall need to keep a tighter rein on myself or run the risk of being a carping boar to one and all.
I also have a strong chivalrous streak in me.
I like that about you.
*smooch*
*mounts fiery charger and rides off to find the next damsel in distress*
*coughs*
“Due to.”
*passes bukkit*
I was shocked at how far I had to scroll to find a decent post – until I realized they were mostly from the same user.
Shouldnta had that third cruller…
I disagree. Donuts are *always* a good idea.
Mmmmm donuts.
Mmmm hummus.
Aww I’m out of labaneh and olive oil.
*gives crazyasian some tahini*
What, are you going to dip your Cheetos in the hummus?
didn’t the “crazy” part strike a chord Dragon? LOL
Thx. Actually i have some Israeli neighbors that make the hummus
and flatbread. It was my lunch. I saw the Cheetos in the cupboard and wanted some too. Darn bag has a freshness date good till Feb 27th…
Feb 27th… nineteen ninety what?
Arn’t they supposed to survive a nuclear bombing? Or is that just Twinkies and roaches?
I was going to say…how can you even TELL the difference between a stale Cheeto and a fresh one?
*pleh!*
a painful smush vs a somewhat acceptable crunch.
there like dried neon goose poop
And just how would you know what dried goose poop of any color tastes like?
Thank-you very much Avis. Now I’ll have that thought roaming about my brain all night.
Sorry ’bout that.
*grin*
Why do I doubt the sincerity in that “sorry”?
It must’ve been the shit-eating grin.
Well, I really didn’t mean to set that thought in your “calcified cranium”. I am also not at all interested in finding out how the troll knows about that particular flavor. I do humbly apologize to you.
Quite alright Avis. It gave Mookie an opening for a crappy joke.
And once again, the thread goes down the toilet!
*flushes with embarrassment*
Not this shit again.
Sorry, I just plunged right in with no thought…
You knew that it was going to happen sewer or later.
I have a bad habit of piping in where I’m not welcome.
Well you’re plumb in(g) the middle of it now.
You should bowl out graciously while you can, Mookie.
Urine a lot of trouble, you know that?
Chalk up another reason why i dislike Wally World. Bag had a cut
in the bottom from what looks to be a stock person with a trigger happy box cutter.
I know just who it was too! I’ve been watching that mim wage slacker! I’ll have him scrubbing/wringing used disposable diapers out for resale tomorrow!
If you are desperate for labaneh, and can’t get to your local mid-east grocery, just dump plain yogurt into an old, hopefully clean, pillow case and let the water drain. Top with olive oil and some siracha and your good to go.
Can also do it with paper towels in a strainer, in the sink. leave overnight.
Hmmm this pillow case doesn’t taste anything like labaneh.
Are you sucking on a corner of the shamwow?
Arrh!
Just like Sam Adams, right?
Always a good idea, even when driving!
Umm, Cloral? There’s some officers here that would like a word with you? Have you been at the Sam Adams again?
Just what is that machine doing to that bridge? Anpu says this picture is inappropriate.
Proving that the walkway was not even up to US code for pedestrians. A crowd of people would have brought that one down as well.
I don’t know, that wasn’t a very big bridge. It would take a lot of people to equal the weight of one of those things, and I don’t think they would fit in such a small space.
At the very least, they would have to be trying to break the bridge, and most bridges are not rated strong enough to handle a concerted attempt to break them.
How about orchestrated attempts? Are those different?
An orchestrated attempt is the planing stage. A concerted attempt is the performance. I just thought that you might want to note that.
So this is how you conduct yourself after hours? Bandying about terms…
Come now Mookie. You know the score around here. Give it a rest.
She made a concerted effort, though.
It was treble the norm for me, effort-wise.
You always put your whole self into it and never give quarter.
Don’t blame the bulldozer, it was human error. The ‘dozer’s conduct wasn’t at fault.
That bulldozer must have weighed atonal.
That seems correct on my scale.
If you were to weigh a bulldozer, how would you duet?
Well I will just have to play it by ear until I can figure out the correct way.
Generally ped bridges fail under exactly those kind of conditions … a crowd doing something in unison, like dancing or whatever.
It’s also why it is usual military practice to break step and stop marching when crossing a bridge.
This one was kinda large for a three inch thick slab of very lightly re-enforced cement … thin cement is fine for small steps, but larger load bearing surfaces? Nope. Look at the rebar there in the photo. It is almost non-existent. Someone saved a bunch of bucks building that.
I guess the brain surgeon operating the equipment didn’t realize the bridge is for PEDESTRIANS until after the decking was breached and maybe only then did he/she become enlightened to the fact that it was possible the machine was slightly overweight.
Or maybe the machine found the broken bridge irresistable. At least that’s Anpu’s interpretation.
I bet the bridge was already broken and a fork lift fell out of an airplane right into the hole.
And that’s why brain surgeons should stick to surgery and not operating heavy equipment.
Finally, a classic style fail to ring in the new year.
Bridge To FAIL
PHOTOSHOPPED!!!
I know you are, but what am I?
ah ha ha ha ha ha!
your name says it all
Not first!
How come no one really comments on the about the picture but just spend more time responding to one another…it seems to be a trend on failblog…
OMG CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT IN HOLE LOLOLOL HOW DID THAT HAPPEN LOLOOL
Hey…! You commented on the about the picture!
hey dragonwriter. how’s the wife? kids?
Oh look! You made a funny about mistaking my gender!
*polite laugh*
lololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololovlololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol.
i give everyone the benefit of the doubt. you’re a man until you prove yourself otherwise.
Hah. You’re obviously no man.
A boy at best…though that may still be a stretch.
well, then. i most certainly have been owned.
Um…
…Guys, can I give it back? I really don’t want it.
lol, the only way to get rid of it is to..well..put it out of it’s misery
No! You only use it’s to say: it’s tickets are in my pants. Get it right.
grammar fail
Previous fail recognition and general humo(u)r fail.
Its a recurrent joke. It’s recurrence is amusing.
Kicked to the c(k)u(e)rb by timing
Woops!!
Ah well. Great minds and all that.
again with your bad self! i’m being slaughtered here
Ah, the illustrious J, back in rare form. So nice to see you again, pestering others for your amusement. Let us know when you’ve come up with something a little more challenging to respond to. Until then, I guess we’ll just ignore you.
As with others, you are welcomed to prove you are not a troll; simply post something of a contributive nature. However, since your posts have been limited to mediocre humor, grade-school retorts, and personal attacks, we are left with the impression that you are an inane prick. Please, prove me wrong.
We don’t want it either. But we may have to drive it away.
Why do the trolls always seem to think they have the upper hand at this site?
Because they vastly overestimate their importance and influence here?
Hmm. Déjà vu.
Another question, why are there so MANY of them lately?
They can’t ALL be pre-teens on winter break!
No…some of us are in our 50′s and crave approval from the regulars.
OK NORM! Yes,you too can be approved for FAIL Blog commenting in no time at all! Just be adulty and un-petty, never say your comment position number, try not to be pedantic or something and tell the regulars how witty and fantastic they are! Soon you’ll be greeted with “NORM!” like your cheery namesake.
That shade of acrimony doesn’t suit you.
So, Santa…you’re saying all I have to do is kiss ass? Well, hell I can do that! I’ve been trained for that since childhood.
What’s that old saying…ass-kissing breeds contempt?
Something like that.
I thought it was E. coli.
I was going to go with ass-kissing breeds disdain. Insincerity is unbecoming. Oddly, sarcasm is almost always welcome.
OK…I see this is going to be harder than I thought. I’ll work on it.
Welcome Norm!
Avis is right, sarcasm is always a “cut above” verbal felicity.
Aptly stated.
Norm if you wish to be regular here I would suggest a high fiber diet.
What’s the fiber content on a troll? The label’s all smeared on mine.
tee hee hee
double checking your comment for errors fail..~sigh~
Been here long? The threads rarely have anything to do with the fail…
This is the bridge just west of the Merrill Engineering Building at the University of Utah. The bridge is very small and only meant for pedestrians. The bridge spans a small wash that the grounds and rec crew just can’t seem to control. This happened about two years ago when some construction workers got lazy and tried to move their equipment across the pedestrian bridge instead of taking the long way around to get to the back of the building. They replaced the bridge within a week and made it more narrow and stronger so this wouldn’t happen again.
Engineering fail!!
+5 epic win points for the story
The wonderful combo of laziness and stupidity make the best fails. Thanks for the story.
tl;dr
Finally a back story that justifies the fail quality of the picture instead of diminishing it! Thank-you C/Kath(e)rine. You have no idea how much I appreciate that.
I was going to say that. Too bad it took me three hundred pages of 12-year old spew to find someone beat me to it.
It’s nice to see a landmark I recognize on a blog I subscribe to. Ah… I remember the day I first heard about that accident.
Hah! I knew I recognized it! I had a Spanish class in MEB 2 yrs ago and came across the aftermath of this (the heavy equipment had been removed, all I saw was the broken bridge) and I’ve always wondered what had happened.
Hah! I knew I recognized it! I had a Spanish class in MEB about that time, and I came across the aftermath of this (the heavy equipment had been removed) and I’ve always wondered what had happened.
oops
AAAAARRRGGGGHHH RAGE
*lays a cookie at dilly’s feet and runs*
*lays dilly and runs*
Hm, never had anyone run before. Good thing I have a cookie.
I thought that the man quickly running off afterward was a common complaint. I prefer loitering myself.
I’d make you loiter.
Hee…!
You’re confusing the “situation grasping” challenged again.
Dragonwriter = She
Dilettante = She
Coyote = He
*loitering with intent*
Mm! And now what could be the intention, coyote?
To remove any possible need for cookies as a substitute.
*clears cookies from browser, takes off dress*
Put the dress back on. Slowly undressing your partner is a great deal more fun. *loosens fingers up in anticipation*
You’re right. And I made it, it’s black pintucked pleated satin with leather. And the zipper’s in the back.
You have no idea how ticked off I am that there are three thousand miles between thee and me. TANJ
Does TANJ translate to “you wouldn’t believe what else I’m not wearing, coyote?”
TANJ is an expletive from a bit of sci-fi that stands for There Ain’t No Justice. I find your definition far more interesting though. By the by, how am I supposed to get to sleep tonight?
You can wipe that smirk off of your face too.
Oh, but the rest of us are getting a kick out of this!
Warm milk, and I’ll tell you a story about the fishnet stockings I just took off.
The
was for Avis. This 
is for Dilly.
What else do I get?
Drat! There you go again with a continent dividing us and less privacy than a storefront window in a mall. *tension mounts, bits a hole in the wall*
There’s biting going on? My hipbone and shoulder are jealous.
You are going to go to sleep tonight (if you do ever sleep. It’s about 3 am there isn’t it?) with a big smile on your face with the knowledge that you drove me off the deep end…again. I, on the other hand, will be tossing about with images of tender edibles dancing in my mind. Satisfied? I’m not. TANJ
ps, Can’t wait until next time. Good night Dilly. Sweet dreams.
*adjusts the cameras*
Your doing it wrong.
Actually you’re wrong.
.
Your = belongs to you
You’re = you are
.
How hard is that?
.
*had a bad day & came home & kicked the tree*
(can’t kick my dog no matter how bad the day was)
You have failed to recognize a previous fail. Go to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. That is all.
Hertz is going to just sit back and learn the rules of this site called failblog.
Hertz doesn’t like jumping in and stepping on his own toes and looking like the proverbial assl. Was there an ass in Proverbs? I know there was one in Luke…but not in Proverbs.
Good idea, if you’re not into getting corrected. If I can make a suggestion, the third person thing doesn’t play well here… unless you were being humorous, and I failed to get it. That happens a lot too.
Sorry…I don’t mind being corrected at all. Actually, the third person is just a reference to a Seinfeld episode (Jimmy likes you. Jimmy thinks he would like to go out with you)
Hertz typically talks in the first person. Unless, as above, he is referencing Seinfeld episodes where the protagonist spoke in third person. I (see, first person) think it’s humorous.
Lunch, I don’t get too many jokes either.
Avis we are going to have to start cataloging all of the references in a handy booklet or browser button. It is getting too much for my calcifying cranium.
“Calcifying cranium” indeed! *snort*
True story: my father has a calcification in his brain, a vein of some sort. I am now perfectly justified in calling him a bonehead. Or telling him his head is full of rocks. Yes, this amuses me.
wats up with “bukkit”?
Go look at some of the comments from a few weeks ago, we explain it in great detail at some point. Go on, work for it.
Whoops, they dont make them like they used to now do they!
http://www.privacy-tools.at.tc
what do you mean there are women on here? Women can’t be online! Women don’t need to be out of the kitchen unless they’re naked on their back with their legs spread. Anyone on here who says they are a woman is lying.
Troll fail!
I see nothing good coming from this.
i was waiting for someone to make this comment
someone call a repair crew!
the kkk is a total failure.
Wow, fantastic blog format! How long have you been running a blog for? you make blogging look easy. The whole look of your website is great, let alone the content!