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First.
Arrrrrrrse.
I’ll take care of this. *rumages through pockets*. Oh crap, Bondfan took his tazer back. Now what do I do? Let’s see, I have some poison paradise air freshener and a lighter…. *Sprays flames all over first*
Nice! He’s on fire AND poisoned!
Nice improvise.
If only you’d also included a tube sock, paperclip, and Pee-Wee Herman action figure, it would be a McGuyver win.
*tazers first*
There, job done.
*charges defibrillator to 400j*
Wait, you’ve caused his heart to stop… the paddles go on his temples, right?
*shocks first*
Hmm, doesn’t seem to be working. Does anybody know how this thing works?
Temples? Isn’t the heart of a troll in their genitals?
Give that a go…
Ok now you’ve burned, poisoned, tazed, electrically lobotomized, and sterileized the poor troll; throw it to Mookie and Ryannon to play with.
Don’t forget the ball gag, and the Adam & Eve accessories…
Lunchbox needs his finger for the collection in his
lunchbox
Shhhhhh!
(no one is supposed to know about the secret stash of troll pinkie fingers in LB’s lunchbox!)
Exiaa really meant “Finger Sandwiches” y’all! That’s all!
Nothing to see in LB’s lunchbox, move along.
I’m telling!
Lunchbox! Quick!
TATTLETALE ALERT!
Charge the defibrillator to 400j.
This time apply to dilettante’s tongue.
*BZZZZZAAAAPPPPP*
Sorry, Dilly, but that’s one secret that doesn’t need light. You’re more than welcome to browse the collection, even add to it if you wish… once the statute of limitations passes, it’s going in the Failblog Museum.
Ow!! *pthhhhhblllllpthhhplbl* *tongue in pain*
.
I was just going to whisper it to my dog. Damn, guys.
I’m sure fuzz will be along soon, and he’ll be happy to kiss it and make it all better, dilly.
But…aren’t we the same person?!
Oh, that’s right.
Dayum…you *masturbate* a LOT!
I know, I just can’t ever find time to leave the house!
FIRST!
Someone needs to say
Im a troll when they are first….
It’s implied.
Do you think they mean Poisson? Because that’d be Fish scented, and I can think of very few things worse…
Thats even worse.
With the cleaver I hack them in two
I pull out what’s inside
And I serve it up fried
God, I love little fishes
Don’t you?
Hee hee hee,
Hawh, hawh, hawh!
First you pound the fish flat with a mallet
Then you slash through the skin
Give the belly a slice
Then you rub some salt in
‘Cause that makes it taste nice!
Zut alors, I have missed one!
Oh god….that made me flash back to being 9 and LOVING that movie.
I still do, and they showed in in the Castro Theater in SF this summer as KARAOKE! I got a little goody bag with pearls, a fork (thingamabob), noisemakers, and a bunch of other awesome crap. Loved it.
*sulks*
It took me this long to find this thread, and it’s about a movie I have seen roughly 30 times! When it came out on video I had a very young cousin. Who basically forced us to watch it over and over again. I thought I had blocked most of it. i guess I was wrong.
It was just a warning, I think. Very likely, the sent it to a publishing company and this is what they got back.
I bet it tastes like chicken…
Real chicken or that other kind?
A fishy requisite-t-t-t-t…?
there is no god
awesome
I know.
Yes there IS! Don’t Lie Jesus!
She’s a Giant All Powerful Squirrel Loving Acorn!
Druid think she was an Oak.
Odin you hear? She’s way too Poplar to be an Oak.
ceder, now you pine fir oak.
Amun a load of trouble for not giving a Fig about how Poplar she is.
Yah-we had all better mind her Poplarity, else she might turn us to petrified wood.
Man…I was hoping I’d get petrified wood for christmas, but I guess I haven’t been naughty enough.
I’m going to the beech.
Dragon, I left you a comment last night… well, everyone, but part was specifically addressed to you. it’s here: http://failblog.org/2008/12/29/moving-fail-2/?cp=all#comment-224841
Awww…thanks, Lunchbox. I actually had found it and replied before I saw this post.
*hughughughughug!*
Bring some aloe, just acacia get a sunburn
Here’s some aloe acacia get sunburned. That would be baobab.
so that’s where the comment went…
Meh. I, the most poplar kid in my school, listen to everGreen Day.
*bows to the mighty giant acorn in the sky*
Ah, I am enlightened! I now understand the meaning of life!
Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster [FSM] is just a human bastardization of the Giant All Powerful Squirrel Loving Acorn Goddess [GAPSLAG]
Of course there is a god! There must be millions of them. My friends have one called Lucy. She’s very sweet, and she hardly ever chases their tac or tibbar.
What are you talking about, Im right here!
lol u suck
Must be what they use in my school science labs.
EXPLOSIVE FART
Maybe it’s a christian product, meant to take christians who use it to paradise….
Actually Muslim… use it and get 72 virgins free!
Are you certain it’s not Hindi, and its use will bring eternal peace and enlightenment?
No, it’s Iraqi, and it will emit an explosion.
looks photoshopped, and poorly
Mortilus is photoshopped, and poorly.
Mortilus is stupid, and photoshopped poorly.
Mortilus is poor and photoshopped stupidly.
Mortilus is poor, and hops photos stupidly.
Poor Mortilus, stupid hotspots.
Mortilus is gay, poor, and stops photos like a hobbit.
Why do people call shop with no justification? Poison is a perfume, and I’ve seen plenty of cheap air fresheners with that scent. It’s still funny, but no reason to think it’s fake.
There are plenty of reasons to think it’s fake, for instance it’s a cylinder, you can see the text is curved a bit, all the text that is, except for the text that says poison. The text for poison also uses a different font than the rest of it, and the outline is different than the other text, in the other text it has a white outline and then a colored outline, where as poison has a black outline and then with surrounding it, an effect that is very easy and basic to do in photoshop.
The text is curved. The photo was taken looking directly at the “Poison” bit, so it doesn’t look quite as curved, but it is. And just because the font is different doesn’t make it fake. That’s called design.
People call “shop” for the same reason they call “first”, “old” etc. Best thing to do is scroll past those comments.
That’s extremely weak circumstantial evidence.
The “Poison” actually curves down a bit (hold a straight edge up to it). Just as it should for any “real” close-up picture of a cylinder, text at the top of the can curves up, text at the bottom curves down, text in the middle doesn’t curve much at all.
There’s no artistic reason for the font of “Poison” to match the other text, nevertheless the white shadow outline fairly closely matches the effect on “Air Freshener”.
Thus I find that the previous poster’s analysis does not pass the “reasonable doubt” test.
Gets rid of odors and the people who cause them.
That’s the key to paradise!
I could use a can of this stuff on my roommate…
Ahem…you might need this then…
*passes the olive oil*
*looks sad because she doesn’t get it*
*looks sad because she isn’t getting any, either*
*looks sad because…*…wait…I’m getting some….*does happy dance*
*looks sad because he was home from drinkies by 1am*
HAPPY NEW YEAR! From GMT+10!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nappy Yew Hear!!!
T-1 hour and 7 minutes before I’m off work for the day and commence binge drinking *does a happy dance*
Happy New Year!
Recreational Imbibery, the savior of the working class. That’s a mighty good idea!
*looks around office* Humm, no partners around *breaks open bottle of the bubbly a little early* Might as well get a head start on things. Anyone care for a glass?
Ummm, well…if you don’t mind sharing
With you? Never *pours glass for DrB* Cheers!
HAPPY NEW YEAR, everybody!!
*holds out glass hopefully*
*glupglupgluptopsupherglass!*
*Kerrrrrchink!!!*
Happy New Year!! DW!!!!!
*pours Veuve Clicquot for Dragon and all the other failfriends*
*lol’s @ pseudo-superhero sound of failfriends*
Lunchbox…that is my very favorite champagne.
*smooooooooooooch!!!*
My hair isn’t nappy, it’s just a perm gone bad.
Hey DrB! What’s 2009 looking like? Anything good?
Hiya Fluff! Oh, babe it’s cruisy…
And if I squint…I can see passport usage on the horizon!!
Wooo Hoooo!!!!
*sips the fab shiraz*
Ohh that reminds me. I have to get my passport in order. I am headed to Europe in the summer for 2 weeks. Glad you said that DrB.
Don’t worry, they’ll remind you all about your passport when you check in at the airport.
Perfect Ry! I’m thinking August, so you can soften ‘em up
for me
That’s when I am going. Mookie is gonna sneak into my suitcase but she has to promise not to do durdy gurl things to my baby boy that I am visiting.
We could use some of this in the firehouse, in that case.
If that’s a real product, I’d love to know where I can get some of that..
You can search for it in public restrooms whenever maintenance personnel are on strike.
Good luck!
Do they come in automatic air freshener dispensers where you have to touch the no-touch sensor without touching it?
What the?!? Is that a Senator tapping on my foot?
And I think the Illinois Senate seat is for sale by one Rod B.
I’d buy that for a dollar!
It’s worth at least twice that in tax revenue alone.
‘fraid the seat is not for sale anymore. Rod B. nominated someone. He probably paid 500 yen for that.
But, I thought it was free?
The dude said “NO THANKS!” Too bad! Must be a smart man.
Senate seat still
for saleunfilled!Looks like your reflexes are lacking. It took you 3 hours to notice the tapping. This is bad…
We’ve been in here three hours? I’m guessing you ate Fu King Chinese, too.
Fu king? my profanity sense is tingling
Not First!
This, my friends, is french for flower. Just as funny as the word gift which means poison in german.
I want to see you in the futile attempt to prove this… (the french thing)
you do know there is a popular perfume named poison right?i believe its dior…
Your face belongs to the french thing
The french thing’s like a peeing furnace
I guess this gives a whole new meaning to the bathroom being called the gas chamber.
It’s even Orange! Oo
Seems like a wonderful agent.
Nothing like the smell of poison in the morning
…or napalm, don’t forget about napalm.
…or DDT, don’t forget about DDT.
man, I miss DDT.
Everyone forgets about napalm.
But, it smells of victory! How could they forget?
*goes to surf some shitty beach breaks*
250ml of death.
Enough reason to start a war.
Ok, now just add 200ml of death and 75g of WMD accusations, stir it all up and pop in the oven for about 15 minutes at 180 degrees celsius. And bingo! We have a war.
LOL! Just noticed that I accidentally told the reader to “pop in the oven”. I accidenty the it.
No, you meant to say “poop”, we can all clearly see that….geez.
Poop in the oven, capture the fumes in a spray can and Ta Daa! You got poison air freshener. Oh, and a war.
I just assumed you were being cute.
I mean, who doesn’t pop in the oven from time to time?
Don’t have time to get to the tanning salon? Just pop in the oven!
House feeling a bit drafty in winter? Just pop in the oven!
Are you a witch living in a gingerbread house who’s sadistically murdered by two fat German kids? Just pop in the oven!
Frequently, in less affluent areas, residents have been known for using their gas ovens to heat their homes due to the exceptionally high cost of home heating oil. The major problem with this is the buildup of Carbon Monoxide (CO), a colorless odorless gas that binds with the red blood cells at a rate 200 times that of oxygen. The result is CO poisoning and anoxia, causing unconsciousness and death.
I remember when they came and tested my CO thingie in NJ. They do that in all homes with gas stoves, don’t they?
Not mine, maybe it’s just the states you can’t turn left when driving
*tries to think up some innuendo comment about ‘CO thingie’…*
Depends on where you live, some volunteer companies do it as a courtesy to drum up donations.
Assuming stuff on Failblog will get you killed, I was never hear and you never talked to me. *shifty eyes*
*goes back to eating his bowl of jello*
*here – my secret agent decoder ring is broken again.
Did I grab your hand too hard?
YES…..Mr. Grabby McGrabster.
I’m Mr. Touchy Mctouchington!
I thought you were Farty McFartpants?
Pants? What pants?
*covers eyes*
Again Retaba!?!?!
Bah to you, the shadows cover me!
We are supposed to have on pants?
No, dear, WE aren’t… You were going to wear the leather chaps, remember?
“I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.”
New year, new pants?
Pants? I popped all mine in the oven.
*Opts for kiln fresh kilt.*
*skirts the issue of pants*
That’s a lovely brogue(s) you have there, Lunchbox.
Well, since we’ve determined that I “do” have the body to pull off the ‘commando’ mode of dress…
We did? Were there pictures? Did I miss out on something? *pout*
Heeheehee…!
*hides pictures behind back*
*peeks behind Dragon’s back*
Is that a potato???
Mr. Skwerlly McSkwerlbrain ?
That’s not jello, that’s Santa’s belly. Get your glasses checked.
We’ll shit. Thanks for ruining my year!
We will?! Well, I guess it’s inevitable.
But why would that ruin his year…?
Coprophopia?
-p+b!
No peanut, just butter? What kinda sandwich would that be?
Better than the jam sandwich.
*Takes two pieces of bread and jams them together*
An open butterfaced sandwich.
… always falls butterface down.
I bet that makes Blue2th a cannibal!
Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?
We’re not done kicking them yet.
Anyone care for a nice Chainti?
You bring the Chianti, I will bring the fava beans.
I’ll bring the census taker.
…or a Senator…
DrB , seriously. Blue2th is a nice guy and you shouldn’t be calling him nasty names like “senator”.
Yup…I agree, ’twas my bad.
My apols B2F
*dunksquelch*
Sylvia Plath?
It’s good to see the South Bronx Paradise Diet expanding into other product lines.
Paradies.
…from the makers of “Troll Away”
Have you been sniffing your ShamWow again, B2th?
You kinda can’t help it when you use it for tissue….
Just be sure to blow your nose on a different corner than the one you use to polish the silver.
or the one I wiped with
*SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTCH*
You have one corner left… use it wisely!
Anyone for ShamWow rush and rulet?
Does this side smell like chloroform to you?
No, can someone tell me what a bugger smells like?
Poison.
…which, strangely enough, smells just like fish.
So we can deduct that if buggers smell like poison and poison smells like fish then fish MUST smell like….
*suddenly feels not-so-fresh* Where can I get a doucheeburger around here?
chicken…
*runs by the feminine aisle at the department store* Uh, Mookie, I have you one, need some assistance? I am very gentle when it’s called for.
(pssst…The gentle thread is over thata way a little further…)
*Is still waiting for someone to give the correct answer for “fish smell like…”*
moo
Yes, that’s correct.
lolololol
im a elefant
Good gracious, who let this maniac into Failblog?
He slipped through the last time we cracked the space-time continuum. Maybe we can put him in the cage with the other unmentionables?
There’s a lot worse than “cow” running rampant on failblog unfortunately. And like in a bad alien moving, it just keeps spawning more and more.
Hush, all it’s been doing is mooing, (which is such a great improvement over all the other trolls). Maybe we could we could just let it hang around until the next Bar-B-Que & Picnic? What’s a lil’ “Moo” every once ina while?
*Starts digging fire pit.*
*does a subtle and hazardous cow burning dance*
*sends out Bar-B-Que invitations with map & secret password*
*digs out decoder ring*
Mmmmm! Barbecue cow! Sounds delicious!
How now, barbecue cow?
Great fail!
Yummy! Refreshing poison. I want one
Imagine the complains:
- My son died because of your drink! Gimme money or I’ll sue you!
- Dude! It’s poison! People die of poison. You’re son was a moron and now he’s dead, looks like You should pay us!
photoshopped
What? How could they??? I had just invested my life savings into this product! I’m ruined!!!
not.
Fresh Air Poison…..Well at least the air will be fresh when you die. =/
Looks like something from a bugs bunny cartoon.
I think it’s produced by ACME.
OOooo! Can you make a little shamrock in the foam on top of my Guinness? It’s after 11 AM, I can have one, right?
It’s 5pm somewhere in the world…
He’s a real Mensch, I’m certain he’d make you both the shamrock-topped Guinnesses. I’m having Smithwicks, myself, I can drink it longer without get drunk.
I love Smithwicks. And now I decided what to bring a case of to the party, thanks LB!
MMMmmmmmmmm….
Damn, I need to go to the store for some, and now it’s snowing… *drools thinking of Smithwicks and Guinness*
Well, if you really care for something, you’ll go to extremes for it. I guess I’d better find my shoes!
Be careful out there LB it is amateur night.
awww hes gonna die soon coz i sprayed him with the spray, o well at least he smells nice
*saves picture to disk*
*loads into Photoshop*
*reverses picture so I’m now looking at the back of the can*
Ah HA! It’s made in New Jersey. Hence it’s true – fresh air AND poison, all in one.
Problem solved. Next fail, please…
wow you’re a magician!
At last, a gift for my mother-in-law…
WAAAUUUGGGH!
I was mailing my friend, and then the site went down and I didn’t save it or anything! Now I have no where to complain. ;_;
great for when u have relitives and mother in laws over.
probably the french side, poison = fish in french
also why it’s a dumb language
Exellent post. You got some really good points there. Thanks for sharing.http://www.onepieceofmylife.com
I would totally gift this freshener to someone >D
Two possibilities:
1. They meant to say “passion”.
2 Writing “Do not inhale” in really tiny letters takes too much time.
poison is the name of a parfume. no fail here.