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How do we know this is for fathers day?
Maybe it’s for Flag Day. Or Talk Like a Pirate day.
Arrrrrrggh! You may have them when I’m done! Arrrrhhh!
*your* *to*
Sloppy typing about sloppy seconds.
*applies ShamWow*
Great, there goes the last clean corner….
Here have a snuggie.
*sends snuggie through internets*
They’re cozy and only $19.99!
*climbs in snuggie* Wow, this thing is roomy! I bet this can hold as many people as the clown car…
*climbs in behind Mookie* Wow, this is roomy!
The Snuggle or Mookie’s behind?
Was that nice?
*places another mark next to Ryannon’s name*
Your remark or Mookie’s behind?
With oversized armholes!
With oversized armholes!
1 for the price of 2?
IF you act now!
I can’t act, but i can dance. *tap tappidy tap tap*
Only for the next 15 minutes. Or was that ShamWow, or was that the life insurance, or was it the Chia pets collection?!?!? I am confused!
It was the bacon air freshener!
At least the seconds aren’t sloppy anymore.
But the shamwow is.
But it’s made in Germany! He says that’s how you know it works!
Doch klar!
The Germans always make good stuff!
Are you following me, camera guy?! ARE YOU???
I actually got a set of ShamWows for Christmas!!
So far the little blue ones work great. I haven’t tried the big yellow ones yet.
I cry fowl on that one.
Lou, it looks like you really ruffled B2F’s feathers!
I just got told to go pluck myself, of all the nerve.
Yeah, that holiday’s never going to fly.
foul fail! faul!
im EGGzitting this unEGGsighting conversation…
Those bird jokes aren’t very punny.
The bird is the word!
I get lets of booty ^.^
Its clearly for Taki day
This could mean anything…..boooooooooooo
BUT, let’s say it was for fathers day, the kids who have multiple fathers need SOMETHING don’t they? Afterall, they ALL can’t be number 1.
This is for kids who have two gay fathers, and the biological mother married a third guy, and that guy is #3 dad.
Rhapsody has two mommies.
Bohemian.
Thunder Bolts and Lighnining! Verry Very Exciting!
Mamma mia!
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I see a little silhouette of a man!
Scared to douche, scared to douche, can you smell that fandango?
Thought that would be “Scared to douche! Scared to douche! Can you smell that funky index fingerino?! “
I have aunts like that! WOOO!
My kids have five grandmothers.
and thats not easy
can you be your own Brother-in-law???
No, I’m a girl.
But you could be your own brother-in-law if you married your sibling.
What if you’re married and you and your wife’s siblings get married, would this make somone your own brother-in-law? Hypothetically speaking.
My ex-sister-in-law married the son of her mother’s boyfriend about 2 years before the mother and stepfather married. Christmas was a joy for a while but then they got divorced and she dated his brother. So my ex-brother-in-law was also my ex-step-brother-in-law because he was my ex-husbands step brother and then it all went to hell in a handbasket.
Your family tree is gonna look weird, no lie!
And they wondered why I never let my son sleep over at his cousin’s house.
Good lord, I have heard of keeping it in the family but I believe that’s a little on the ridiculous side, not to mention confusing. I’m from the south and I dont believe I have heard of anything like that and people give us the honors all the time of being backwoods redneck, hillbilly, inbred, no tooth, if you have teeth you could eat corn through a pickette fence, your girl friends stole my chewing tobacco and used it all, 4×4 driving, dumba$$es
Nicaragua is a small country, they have very few choices for breeding
That my dear was funny. But I do believe I would make the effort to make outside contacts before I rotated spouses-girlfriend-FWB, whatever you choose to call it. Never been a jealous type, but I have never shared very well.
I was just glad I divorced the family before my son’s generation was of breeding and marrying age.
Thats the sad part, you never divorce the family, they are always there, every turn, at the shopping mall, the restaurants, seemingly taunting and teasing you, watching you, judging you, until ONE night you snap, then they call you crazy cause your rubbing crisco all over your naked body and running up and down the streets!……..uh…….sorry, flashback
And a new soap opera is born, about damn time! Passions got out of control.
I am your father’s brother’s uncle’s former roommate. Spaceballs LOL
Rayannon’s family tree looks like a Christmas Wreath
No, that would make your brother your brother-in-law.
Your brother-in-law has to be either:
married to your sibling,
your spouse’s sibling,
married to your spouse’s sibling
So you have to marry your sister, or you could marry 2 sisters at once.
My best friend is his own cousin.
Your aunts are gay fathers?
I see you’ve never watched Passions.
I love the dwarf that died that worked with the witch.
Timmy? I think. And wtf was up with Eve’s son, Whitney’s brother, who had a BABY and Eve had to deliver it on the kitchen table when she was drunk?
You say that like you aren’t supposed to deliver on the kitchen table. I didn’t watch Passions very long but I loved Timmy and the fact that Chitty Chitty Bang Bang lady was a witch, Tabitha was it?
She was Tabitha. She had a baby, Endora (way to steal names from Bewitched) that was also a witch, and thought in word balloons on-screen.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH well at least it wasn’t like other soaps. Damn!
I lost it when Whitney became a nun to atone for having her half-brother’s baby and they raided the Vatican cause it was packed with demons.
But your ex side of the family is better.
Either you’re WAAAY over-thinking this, or I’ve lived such a sheltered life…
I would call it a brutally honest win.
OMG, the f**king swanson broth pop-up is about to drive me insane. I NEED NO MOIST AND SAVORY STUFFING!!!!!
I don’t see that pop up, seeing things are we?
Are you already stuffed with moist and savory things?
I’ll do the stuffing around here Fluffy McFluffpants!
I think Mookie could use a moist and savory stuffing, if you catch my drift
It’s that obvious, is it? *slinks away to look at coin collection*
I can loan you Christoper to help polish those coins if you’d like… though he seems to be MIA today.
He’s on an IV for dehydration, McFail, and you know it.
*makes innocent face* I’m sure I had nothing to do with that…
Yeah, I’m sure there’s a summer associate somewhere you can pin this on…
who did the kid marry? lol wtf
what?
when?
where?
why? (since you type faster than me)
who? (damnation)
now? (I don’t know)
how? (does it matter)
WTF? (The sixth W)
WAT!
huh?!
I’m confused.
WHY DO YOU HAVE A HOT FRIEND?!
why?
why not?
Well, see, I have a bit of a headache…
It’s not your head he’s after.
*flips a coin*
Heads – I will be your slave for a week.
Tails – You will be my slave for a week.
Call it.
Seems like a win-win to me, sexy boy!
Yeah, I’m bringing sexy back…..to the stone age.
WILMAAAA!?
Repeat after me,
“I have a Real Live Spouse”
“Peoples on the Internets aren’t Real”
“This is just a simple fantasy”
“Buncha gobbledy gook psych stuff”
Goood! No masturbate while I take notes.
Cliffnotes:
I like men
I am annoying
I have my potato in vicar’s box
Oooo!!! Can I try?!!!
“I used to have a Real Live Spouse”
“Peoples on the Internets are Real”
“This is such a simple fantasy”
“Buncha gobbledy gook nice stuff”
Foood! Go masticate while I toast oats (with brown sugar).
Hmm…lessee…
“I have never had a Real Live Spouse”
“I have met (and dated) Real Peoples on the Internets”
“Such a simple fantasy beats reality every time”
“Buncha-muncha gobbledy gook delighted stuff”
Doooood! Go gesticulate while I ghost trolls (with my *FOOOOM!*)
Very, very good Group! We’ll meet again on Monday night and go over Ms. Dragon’s
misplaced angererm… issues.Oh, and Exiaa, please leave the smelly potato in your car next time.
“I am a real live louse.”
“People in real life do not tolerate me.”
“I come to the internet to vent my frustration at being impotent.”
Gooood! Now go away while I fail to note.
I think I love you Marius.
My anger is not misplaced! I just find *FOOOOM!!*ing trolls to be very relaxing.
Be careful Ryannon, the last person who thought that found the real me and ran screaming into the woods.
(Dragon, I am confused. How did you know about the book I am reading?)
Hee!
Dragons are magic. Didn’t you know?
This is most disconcerting.
where?
here, this, now, because, him
Who are you? Where are we? Could we get a frame of reference or something. PLEASE?
have, has, had, would, could, should, do,does,did, may,can,shall,will,must, might.
Would not, should not!
You guys are WAY off topic. What wants to know, seriously, who did the kid marry? lol wtf
Yeah! Rofl loltard l33torz
What?
Happy Baby Daddy Day!
Happy “I had sex last night but I don’t remember with whom” Day.
This ^ comes about a week before Happy “I think I may have a STD” Day.
/\ /\ This is followed by “Jesus Christ someone shoot me, the antibiotics aren’t working and the itching is driving me mad and I haven’t slept in weeks” Day.
This is followed by the Medical Profession’s annual “WTF did you shove that into a lawnmower for!?” day…
Which happens in tandem with “Where have I put my potato?” day.
Which is New Year’s Eve, of course.
No, it’s New Year’s Day after drinking all New Year’s Eve. Get your holidays right or no potato for you!
m, got plans tonight?
*sniffle* No, I am new in a new town and I am going to stay home. Not big on drunken college kids on NY Eve.
Happy Birthday Uncle Dad!
At least dad #2 and #3 got a chair. They could have just sat them on a bench and kept quiet.
who would win in a fight Jesus with excalibur or darth vader with his light saber?
I didn’t know Jesus and Arthur were so close.
Well, who knows? I heard Arthur camalot.
Yeay! my favorite fictional character fighting!
Well, he often told stories…
…of how he would lancelot with a gal-e-had…
Especially out at knight.
In the bed(ivere).
Ar thur any more puns we can do on this one?
I have mor-dred of all these puns. I’m gonna gawain and make some lunch instead.
Can it be geraint(ied) that no more puns will be made?
Oh, absolutely.
*exp-Ector-ates*
Until then I will c-Lamor rak-i till I am served.
No, but there was a ham a few fails back that would fit in nicely.
Once a king, always a king,
But once a knight’s enough
You should work for Hallmark.
I tried, they said I wasn’t “sensitive” enough. Go figure.
The producers of the film, the actors and the theaters would win.
Jesus would win of course. While he distracted Darth Vader, his homies would pile out of the van with machetes and cut Darth Vader up esse!
Is it maybe a book of tattoo designs, with numbers to help you identify which you want?
Yes, I believe that is exactly what that is. But then again, I drink most mornings. Heavily.
Apparently so does Rose, which may explain all the “Father” tattoos.
No, it’s Rose Nylund, from the Golden Girls! She’s notoriously dumb.
Please get off this forum. We do not appreciate pragmatic, analytical, problem-solving people. Especially when they are potentially right.
Leave us in oblivion. Where we actually belong.
Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.
Goodbye now.
Oh come on, it’s cute. Especially when someone thinks such flawed logic could be potentially right. It takes the comment and puts it into the next stratosphere. In my humble opinion you are both welcome here.
Of course the drinking in the morning post was a hit out of the park. Brilliant!
*drunkenly dons pirate wench costume out of gratitude* Here, Shammy, cud you lashe up my bushtier… And help me on wish deez bootsh…
*Downs a flogon of grog, raises the Jolly Roger*
Ahoy Lass! Prepare to be keelhauled!
*flagon* Bilgewater…
One bilgewater-flavo(u)red pudding bukkit, coming up!
*barfs*
Anyone letting their four-year-old get a tattoo probably deserves to come in third.
26th!
Better than saying your father is a “Number Two” father.
Indeed, that’s a shitty thing to say.
*flushes with embarrassment for CindiK*
Both of you – get your mind out of the sewer:
Dad came in turd.
Well Dad #3 could wipe out the competition and become stand up #1 dad.
Urine deep shit.
… and up in the gutter with the rest of us!
It’s true. My father is #1 and my second father is #2, so this guy must be #3.
Yes my fathers is 3st too
Who needs a dad when there are so many “uncles” around?
I loved that show, Touched by an Uncle was so inspiring.
Yeah the spin-off “My uncle touched me there while my aunt watched” wasn’t such a hit.
That was the working title. Now that it is in production, it is called “To Catch A Predator”.
This is from the Maury Povich Gift Shop.
Wait, LB? You live in Philly?
Hi. It’s a little less than an hour until noon, here, on that last day of this year. Is anybody here in next year already? Has anybody been in next year since last year? Or is it still yesterday there? Today is a real page-turner here now! Or will be, later.
Happy New Year or whatever time period you celebrate.
It’s nearly 3 1/2 hours old now – and soooooo cute!!!
.
(nice avatar work!)
Oh, missed previous fail. Always hop right into the most current.
*amazed to be speaking to someone in the future!!!*
*slips into appropriate futuristic silver suit*
So far…it’s cruisy, with fab vino, and if I squint…I can see some passport usage in the distance!!! Woo Hooo!
.
But, what is it you’d most like to know about the future?…..
What I’d like to know is….who will win the 2008 U.S. presidential election? I hear that’s going to be quite the talk of the new year!
William Shatner came out of nowhere with the Danny Crane thing…
.
It was more than the electorate could resist! There was much rejoing.
Oh, and Judy, you should buy some cigar shares.
There was even “rejoicing”.
*kersplotch*
Thanks for the info! It looks like it’s going to be a surprising year! I’m going to take your advice on the stock info, too. I’ve been considering investing more. While I’m at it, I may as well increase my contribution to my 401k. I’ve got to start thinking about my retirement, after all.
Thanks, Dr.B!
I think we better quit communicating now – - this has got to really be putting a crick in the old space/time continuum; we’ll want to be careful! See ya in the future, Dr. B!
(P.S.: Thanks!)
Q: What did the scientist over in Greenwich say to Father Time?
A: HEY! Wait a second!
Q: What did the extrasolar planet over in Sirius A say to Earth?
A: I cannot spin like this forever!
LOLOLOLOL>O(OL>LO(OL>!
That’s just stoopid!
Q: What did the light bulb tell the switch?
A: You turn me on all the time.
Hmmm, not every day we get a leap second reference.
Well, if you leap first, I’ll leap second… once I know you lived through the landing, of course.
Well, there’s just been a sh!t load of leap “first’s” from all the new trolls, to deal with. Now we can get down to the second.
its already 2009 in australia
ill tell u the future
ITS DARK
Oooh! What else, what else?!? Tell me more!
NO ALIENS?
NO RAPTURE?
NO WARS, FAMINES or APOCALYPTIC DISASTERS?
DAMN! Another crappy year to slog our asses drearily through, looking for fun, excitement and less boredom.
At least there’s FAILBLOG, riiiight? RIGHT?
Yes, yes…
*pat pat*
You’re right.
*gives Blu a cookie laced with lithium*
and a potato.
And mushrooms.
This can’t end well for our old friend, Blu….stay tuned for more details as they occur.
Thanks Dragon! *places cookie on head* I’ve got a Cookie Hat!
WOW! Thanks “s”! *pokes eyes, ears, nose, feet & mouth pieces into potato* I lost Mr. Potato Head’s Body in 2001 and have been using a radish.
Neat! Zurack brought mushrooms! *lights them on fire and injects them* Oooooo! *sees pretty colors!* *dances* I found my crayons! I found my crayons! I found my crayons!
At least there’s FAILBLOG, riiiight? RIGHT? RIGHT?
TELL ME!
Yeah! Right already. Go pet the dog…
there was really wierd bangs and theres some kind of a ball in the sky thats grey and silver
I had really weird bangs for a while. The 90s kind of owned us all, stylistically.
I had feather-bangs (a la Farrah Fawcet) in the early 80s…
Ooo! Charlie’s Angels.
Yeah, but I was like…twelve. *grin*
I was 12 in 1991 and thought I looked awesome, but the horrible pictures prove otherwise. At least I didn’t have those bangs that were sprayed straight up three inches into a forehead-shelf.
My 8th grade school picture is a fashion disaster! Crimped hair! Sweatshirt dress with sweatshirt bows! Braces! Ugly glasses, and rubber fish earrings! After that I tried to avoid trendy stuff.
In my town, all past styles are glorified.
Same as the other towns I’ve lived in, actually.
What year is it again?
OH god. Avis, why did you remind me?! I had wooden platypus earrings and giant Benneton sweaters. And leggings. AND braces. Ugh, I need memory bleach.
I have PHOTOS of my fashion crimes! That one though was the wake up call. After that school picture I ended up with a few bad haircuts, but nothing as egregious as the crimped fiasco.
*looks for the brain bleach*
You MUST post that on your blog. How come no recipe this time?
*is glad Avis is back*
When I can figure out how exactly to post photos I will. I am not at all computer savvy. I didn’t post a recipe ’cause it was a long post and somehow i managed to not cook the entire time I was in CO. And my family usually asks me to at some point.
*didn’t know neenerneenerneener even read my blog!*
*is happy to find that out*
I was so out of it in the 70′s, I thought that Farrah Fawcet Major was someone who studied Egyptian plumbing.
Sure enough, Google has a page on the history of Egyptian plumbing. I don’t know why it still manages to surprise me.
That 3 is so photoshopped.
So is your avatar
There can only be 1 number one!
Are you high, Lander?
I really hope that there is a New years fail that We could see here tomorrow!!!!
I will be too hungover to see tomorrow.
Many of us, I’m sure, will only need a mirror.
3rd!!!!
Hee!
must have been a couple affairs. drinky drinky doesn’t make a good daddy.
They really do make greeting cards for everything! This is the card for the mother that’s been married a few times.
Hee! Hee!
Good news- I love you.
Bad news- You’re third.
I dunno… I think this suits my father…
There, there Northy, ol’ Santa will send you a “Pissed Kid’s Guide to Automobile Sabotage” and you can have a New Daddy for Christmas 2009!
My mug at work says “Creepy” on it. I always think of it in contrast to a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug.
WAAAUUUGGGH!
I was mailing my friend, and then the site went down and I didn’t save it or anything! Now I have no where to complain. ;_;
There’s a billion fathers out there, #3 is still pretty damn good
I guess it’s better than being #2 dad.
Third!
That would have worked in my house…when I had a new dad every year!
This is obviously a JOKE shirt. You know, sarcasm
You people are in fail mode too often.
Is that the parting gift at the end of a Maury “who’s my baby daddy” episode?
not a fail for a broken home, it would be accurate.
Hey, I know that pic!
It’s from Dairy Queen. A couple years back they came out with a bunch of “gag” cake designs such as “Happy Root Canal”, “Sorry I wrecked your car”, “In-laws coming to visit”, and the “#3 Dad” was one of them. It’s an intentional joke.
This is just a joke, its a design for a Dairy Queen decorated cake for fathers day. not so much a fail, as funny.
You guys are ridiculous, it is for fathers day, but #3 is for Dale Earnheart, the late NASCAR driver. Any redneck would know that.
Dale Earnhardt: #3
Wow his mom divorced so much times!
either that or she had a threesome
This is an EPIC WIN. not a fail
how many dads are there?
You guys are ridiculous, it is for fathers day, but #3 is for Dale Earnheart, the late NASCAR driver. Any redneck would know that.
it’s more than two years,so hot
either that or she had a threesome