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Cheezburger Network Blog
the first ornament
First… YES FINALLY FIRST> THIS IS SO AWESOME I’M FIrST
Finally first? Oxymoron.
Nobody says “oxymoron” any more. For shame. It’s a brilliant word. It’s actually rather intelligent, but contains the word “moron”. I like it.
who says “for shame” anymore? I wouldn’t use that one again, Jamie(moron)
made a comment to a fare-thee-well!
it is shatter proof, it didnt shatter. it only has a hole it in
jamie you are a retard for tryin to tell people what’s no longer sait.
ait!
You are a retard for being a noob.
Jamie, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Where I live we have herds of oxymorons.
It’s a gaggle of oxymorons actually.
So, you have a bunch of morons who use oxyclean?
I think you retards mistook him saying it’s sad that nobody uses the word anymore.
good point, though you misspelled moron
Jamie in before the concept — although, to say “Nobody says ‘Oxymoron’” is like Epimenides of Knossos saying, “Cretans, always liars.”
)
.
(unless Jamie’s a cretin nobody
*Awakens*
I see. . .fuzzy.
… what?
Clarity of meaning fail
Hilarity is oxygenating.
11th!!!
Somebody here does not know about figures of speech.
Somebody here needs to entroll in my Humo(u)r 101 course.
Do you think they might need your Advanced Pre-Humo(u)r Remedial Hono(u)rs course first?
Somebody here needs a sense of humor.
Somebody here needs a sense of timing and a bukkit.
*snorkity*
*kerplunkity*
*roflity*
*masturbatity*
What’s that website I should go to? FinallyFirst.com
…
My computer’s first, finally!
…
FinallyFirst.com!
I hate that commercial for Finally Fast…
I count 46 balls. I dont see the fail.
The fail is supposed to be that the ornaments are shatterproof, but one of them is broken. Except that’s not a fail either, as there is a difference between broken and shattered. So the actual fail here is the original claim of fail.
No, 45 balls and one cup is the fail.
why does refreshing reveal comments that existed prior to
refreshing but
but did
not show
/
feeling like a beat.
it’d a lot easier to keep up if the mechanisms behaved.
is it my cnxn or a FailBlog self-prophecy?
I have other straightforward queries regarding this excellent blog-hidden whit forum but doubt the hilarity (and can’t even see if I’d made a typo, – loving and cursing this nesting with luvz, srsly)
Agree with mjc. Shatterproof means that when it does break, it isn’t going to turn into a million little pieces.
speaking of morons…
sorray to point it out but second as always =D black angel was first =O
FAIL BLOG FAIL. It’s not shattered. Shatter proof means that when you drop the ornament shards don’t get everywhere.
Matthew, ol’ bean, please take a gander at the rest of the comments.
*weeps*
I don’t read before I post and I hardly read after I post. I post because it makes me feel better.
f you
I concur. Shatterproof is not breakproof
hahaha nice
yey first comment…
It can be someone that just put those in that box
Nope.
first
First moron?
Probably not the first, but still a moron.
The vicar wouldn’t like those.
or?
FIRST
Kablammo!
Not really a fail. ‘Shatterproof’ means it doesn’t break into millions of tiny pieces not that it won’t break. Ever snapped a ’shatterproof’ ruler?
Ah, Touche, that’s more or less what I wrote, you just posted it faster. *shakes fist*
But, soft! what orn’ment in one million pieces breaks?
‘Tis fair James, whose lately ‘greivéd tushy hath a fisted touché shatt’r'd.
It’s shattering.
Ay me!
Deny thy packaging and refuse thy name!
or, if thou wilt not, be but swept up shards,
and no longer be an ornament.
Love and hope and sex and dreams
Are still surviving on the street
Look at me, Im in tatters!
Im a shattered
Shattered
Did she make you cry
Make you break down
Shatter your illusions of love
Is it over now, do you know how
Pickup the pieces and go home.
(careful, Mookie — that’s how i got the clap)
*shuts her claptrap*
Did you manage to trap any?
This is exactly what I thought.
It’s not “unbreakable,” it’s “shatter proof.” And by the looks of it, their claim is accurate. Maybe it was just a demonstration its shatter proof abilities.
I don’t think it proves anything about the other ornaments. A smart shopper should break every ornament in the box before purchasing.
Anyways, if you put a bomb under it I bet it does shatter.
They aren’t indestructable, they just won’t shatter into a million pieces, so that isn’t fail, you’ll find it’s actually a win.
It hasn’t shattered. It has broken.
Unless it was meant to be Shatnerproof and William Shatner broke it?
Comment Win!
No, he’s not shattered — he’s resting.
____
(*Don’t tell dilletante I posted that! she’ll beat me Norwegian Blue.)
But you’ll have beau’iful plumage.
There will be blood.
I quite agree….
It has merely been broken…..
This, however, may be entirely intentional, seeing as to how ignorant people may try to SUE them because their ornament has been broken, as such ornament is declared “shatterproof”. Seeing as to how it is broken rather than shattered these ornaments are still proven shatterproof and said hole is merely a way of evading certain legal affairs, until further notice.
If, for instance, a meteor were to hit the earth and a hole would become of such unfortunate events. The planet has not been shattered, it has just been damaged. Within such circumstances the planet is neither broken. However, if the meteor had caused the planet to lose it’s basic shape and maintain a new form in many different shapes then the planet would, in fact, be shattered. Although the hole in the ornament has indeed made the ornament lose it’s general spherical shape, you can still tell what it was once rather than it being in many pieces that would make it difficult to understand what it’s general shape and purpose would be.
Is it time for Soviet Russia jokes about breaking things?
Yes. Feel free to make such a joke.
In Soviet Russia, Gorky parks you!
In Soviet Russia, Trotskys have you.
In Mexico, Trotskys get the axe.
In Southern California, Montezumas get revenge.
I got the trots in Mexico once.
In Soviet Russia, ice picks YOU
You’ve Got Failed –
should’ve been, “… ice BREAKS you”
Is that ice, or frozen water, which works just like ice?
In Socialist Walmart, mere ornaments shatter human rights.
Amazing, this fail has a very large number of “first” posts
I guess they are more or less “fail” posts …
I don’t get what’s so funny at all. They’re shatterproof. And?
OMG FIRSTTT FIRSTTTTTT FIRSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT GET A LIFE FEGz
This is significantly more annoying that one person writing “first” then making a contributing comment.
Seventeenth!
At least I’m right…
Don’t make me get Fail Cop “on yo ass”. He’s one person you wouldn’t want in such a place, I can tell you that.
*pops a fail cap in Guanyou and Jamie’s asses, then looks around for more victims*
Hey, I’m on your side!
Due to a lifting error, I assume
lol … medicat done popped a cap in a call-back-side
Who wants to bet those ornaments were made in China
Could also be India
Tiny blistered fingers, doubtless.
It didnt shatter. It fragmented.
They’re pre-shattered so you can’t shatter them again, obviously.
Also posted at
http://jumpinginpools.blogspot.com/2008/12/merry-christmas-from-fail-blog.html
Neato
Ahhh, look at me, I’m a shattered
___
~ Ornamick Jagged
Failed nesting!
*Tries to hook comment onto Fuzz on the concept’s Jagged comment.*
*gets the clap*
That happens a lot around here.
If there is a lot of it going on, should it not be called the applause instead?
I dunno…that might lead to giving someone a standing ovation.
If they try for a standing ovation they might lay an egg.
Is that a preconception they have there?
Preconception? Would that be immaculate?
Okay people, this is the end of this thread. Period!
*recalls Borge’s phonetic punctuation*
*recalls the Stupedapoint and Flabagastrix from an old Readers Digest*
Borge’s bit is a classic.
*PPTT!*
Is that spam for the Partito Popolare Trentino Tirolese? Keep politics out of this.
A cycle well caught.
Ooops! Hooking fail!
You’ve committed a violation against failblog, prepare to be prostituted.
*is already prepared*
A queue is forming?
Mookie was already prepared?
This does not bode well for me.
The queue was formed immediately but an answer as to the quality of jewelry
compensation was not given afaik.
i.e,. cheat sht vs. due comeuppance
I got the clap in Mexico once.
*lol with snort*
Theme win
This is not a fail, it is a shatter proof ornament, as it did not shatter it cracked, thus a shatter proof ornament.
this is a double fail
I suppose you want us to believe your ass has got no shatter in it
Gimcrack torn, and I don’t care.
Gewgaw-ta see this one, Admiral…it’s amazing.
good point….
saw one at walmart too…though the broken ornament and the label were on different sides :[
doesn’t looked like it shattered… operates as described…
Is it just me or is the hole in the shape of Satan’s face?
I once saw a hole in the shape of Satan’s face…in Mexico.
*OK, I may be trying too hard*
I got the clap from Satan in Mexico.
*Definitely trying too hard*
The only fail here is the typo – they left out the space. How much more proof do you need? Q.E.D.
^ A perfect example for complaints against functionality.
This comment was not here for me until the very last F5.
Now nests before elder posts …
A lesson in impermanence?
Although the majority of people have already said it, i shall repeat due to how much i believe this fail, fails itself. SHATTERPROOF not unbreakable.
… but obviously not STFU-proof
How come no one has pointed out that it broke, but it didn’t shatter?
technically its not a fail.
it says SHATTER proof, not break proof.
it didnt shatter. to shatter is to break in several small pieces.
as far as i can tell, its only broken in two pieces.
Although the majority of people have already said it
… i shall repeat due to how much i believe this fail is obviously not STFU-proof
You guys do realize that they make them out of plastic and rubber now-a-days so that they DON’T shatter. So, I don’t get this FAIL…. is it a win?
Plastic and rubber? What dollar store do you buy your ornaments at?
I lol’d for the f*rst time on this Fail.
well technically the ornaments did what they were supposed to do in that they didn’t shatter, that one just broke. Still pretty funny though.
*facepalm*
Wait! You guys are missing the fact that it didn’t Shatter! One just broke! So there is no fail to be observed. Duh.
OMG!! I’m so glad you pointed that out…how could I have missed that?
*peeks over Dragon’s shoulder*
What I miss? What I miss? Awwww. Lemmesee!
*let’s Mikey see*
OOooOOooOOooh.
*swoons*
How do you know that the missing bit didn’t shatter into a squillion tiny pieces? You see a hole and jump to random conclusions.
You’ll never be a scientist.
You have found the hole in their supposition. They are shattered.
It’s my new invention: the Jump to Conclusions mat! You put it on the floor, and jump to a conclusion!
I’d like to propose ‘The Jump to Conclusions Springboard’, it allows you to reach new heights of stupidity.
Oh look–you can see the reflection of the phototog in the ball just to the southeast of the borked one. Oh, and in the two green ones as well.
Ornaments are outdated. That or those are ugly
it says shatter proof, not unbreakable. aren’t those two different things?
Not really, but your sentence should be.
it says shatter proof, not unbreakable. aren’t those two different things?
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE! STOP SAYING THE ORNAMENTS ARE SHATTERPROOF, THEREBY INVALIDATING THIS FAIL. You are all proving that the only thing that’s broken here is your reading ability. Get a fucking life, for Christ’s sake, it’s been said enough.
shatering is when it breaks into a lot of pieces like glass dose.
cracking or breaking can mean any number of thins including a large part coming of.
I shat any number of thins just reading this.
I don’t think anyone has mentioned this yet, but…are you guys aware that this ornament hasn’t actually shattered? It’s more just broken, which is a TOTALLY different thing.
Gawd.
Why hasn’t anyone seen this before? It’s so obvious!
How many shards are in a shatter?
All I know is there’s a shatful in a dose of glass.
If nate can tolerate the pane, he should probably reduce the dosage.
My eyes are glazing over…
Of quartz they are. You need more sleep!
Will you come back with me to my lehr?
That’s an offer that would be silica to refuse.
I’m so glad. I’ve been wanting to practice my blowpipe technique.
That was a very transparent pun, Dragon… you even made ME blush!
Oh, c’mon…I just wanted to go aventurine with the Admiral. What’s so shocking about that?
Please tell me that you are not being super subtle and doing a venturi tube joke.
Well…I like continuity. Especially when my Admiral equalizes my pressure for me.
*grin*
can i just break all your little fail dreams and say that these actually exist. they are made of like foam plastic crap. so they can’t shatter.
There was a debate on their existence?
Yup.
my little fail dreams are unbreakable
Failblog fails
The decorations didn’t shatter, just like the label said
Failblog isn’t knoob-proof.
The ornament broke, but it didn’t shatter; so that’s not false advertisement, it’s true. Thus, it is also not a fail. FAILblog post FAIL!
you’re certainly something-proof
*gives fuzz a glass of 80-proof*
this is why we dont put orinments on our X-mas tree every year we do what the african tribes do hang the severed fingers of our rivals
Your rivals in the competition of who can misspell and use run-on sentences the most on the Internet? Well then, I applaud you. By all means, keep it up, and when you win, please commit suicide.
*applies sever-proof ointments*
Shatter-proof does not mean unbreakable. It means that if it does break it won’t break into a million little pieces. Fail-blog status: Fail
That’s it. I’m gonna start *FOOOOOOOM!!*ing people.
It’s deja vu all over again. Or am I repeating my self?
You can say that again!
It’s deja vu all over again. Or am I repeating my self?
Did you expect anything else from me?
Actually isn’t this just a partial fail, because it says shatterproof, but the bulb didn’t shatter, it broke. shatter implies that it broke everywhere and turned into a bunch of pieces that are now scattered about. like a glass bowl that’s dropped. the ornament instead just broke and has a few broken pieces in it.
*FOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*
Oh God above! Is someone having us on? Is this a conspiracy? I’m developing a twitch in my right eye from these.
Failblog commenter fail.
Actually, I saw a box of these in the store…and in the box that I saw, one of them _was_ shattered. Not broken, SHATTERED. Into many tiny pieces! It was the only box of ornaments left, and it was a mess.
So, this one is true. Those shatterproof ornaments DO fail! And yeah, the one I saw in the store, had the same box, label, and type of ornaments. Not joking.
guys, guys. It’s Christmas. Let’s not look a gift – fail in the mouth. What’s the difference between “shatter” and “break?” (I feel the sneaking suspiscion that several people are going to answer that.)
One makes the latest failblog post amusing and the other one makes everyone who comments on it annoying.
YOU…!!!
.
…I like you.
*gives Sherpa a cookie*
Ya know techinically this isn’t a f-f-f… … …
ok, nevermind, I can’t do it…
Was starting to think my scroller had failed… Everytime I go down I see the same thing.
That’s what she said!
(Oh, yeah. I went there.)
Wow how did I not see that one coming…
Are you one of the Little Mermaids sisters? The one that can’t control her bladder? I heard about you and will not be inviting you to my home. Just because you live undah da sea doesn’t mean you can pee wherever you like. Have you no decorum?
… … … I should REALLY put on my perv glasses and reread my posts before I push the button…
lol, that happened to us!
The only fail here is the attempt to claim a fail. The box clearly states that it is shatter proof, not unbreakable. They break, but they don’t shatter into a million pieces that stab you in the foot later when you thought you’ve cleaned them all up.
And I don’t care if this has already been brought up, I don’t feel like reading all the posts, ’cause there’s over a hundred I believe.
I got half way and I swear I got so confused. Can we keep it simple i can not register these long simplific sentences!!
You’re right, but still- the idiots aren’t going to be getting much profit this year. By the way-do YOU know what “ectoplasm” is? You seem to be the smart type.
FIRST
Okay, i can’t standz it ennymores. You know, those dreaded LOLcat people could make short work of that borked orinment. *opens FIRE VALVE door, lets in the ICHC-ers* Right over here, guys–it’s a splorted ornament. Clean-up on aisle five, please.
*watches as the ICHC folks sweepys-up the borked pieces, fits them back togedders, wraps them wi/ducky tape (tapeytapeytapey), snaps on a new CHRG w/doi, wraps the ornament in a lovely cheezpeeps blankie and places it gently back in the package wif its frenzez, w/ hot choklit an concatshoelaces all round*
*whispers* (Tankew, guys; nao better get outta here b-4 you wakes up teh Failblog an sumbuddy gitz FOOMED.)
There, lil orinment all better! *RUNS FOR DEAR LIFE*
I wouldn’t *FOOOM!!* the cheezpeeps. I think they’re sweet, actually.
I just have a serious wicked streak that fits in much better here! *grin*
I think they’re sweet, too. The LOLspeak wears me out sometimes, but I’m catching on rapidly. (Language is my job, after all.) I’ve noticed I’ve raised some hackles on the Failblog when the LOLspeak creeps in unawares, and I’ve been told I like to stick my fingers in the fire to see how long it takes me to get burned. Jeez, Louise, are we going to OZ today? There is some serious ugly going on outside my kitchen window. Uh, I may need to shut down and unplug for a little while.
Wait a sec… I don’t think it did shatter. That’s a plastic ornament with a fig bucking puncture in it. So I guess we need to find the puncture-proof ones somewhere… *keeps browsing*
Nah…those are gargoyle eggs and one of them has hatched early and gotten loose in the store somewhere, is all. So while you are browsing, keep an ear open for the scary music…
Shatter is different than cracking, fail on the fail blog… get your shit straight.
Someone needs to look up the word shatter. They’re broken, they’re not shattered.
Hehehe-two FAILURES in One! It says “omaments” down at the bottom, plus it’s supposedly shatter-proof. Exept for that first one. Actually, I first thought it was just a reflection of light. But indeed it is a FAILURE. Hehehehe.
Plus-I’m the only one that knows what “ectoplasm”is. Idiots.
you jst fail so shut up
and btw it does say ornaments
This is ftoooopid. It’s called shatterproof because it doesn’t burst into a thousand tiny shards of pain to be picked up by your feet for the next year, no matter how well you clean. They’re plastic, and, if they break, they break into big, non-slicing chunks. See the difference? I reiterate what was said above as well, because I basically just said what they did, but I just noticed now, and I’ve put too much damned effort into this to just delete it. So PHBBPT!
^_^
haha the same shit happened to me when i bought some ordiments at wal-mart
what the hell are ordiments ?
merry christmas !
This works on 2 levels:
1. The ornaments aren’t even supposed to be broken-they’re still in the original packaging!
2. They’re SHATTERPROOF. Apparently, they aren’t too well made.
how the hell is that a fail
it broke it didn’t shatter
that fail ….fails
I was getting ready to buy almost these exact ornaments yesterday and there were just rows of shattered ones just like this. It was sad but that’s what one gets for waiting for the ornaments to go on sale lol
well, on the bright side: they didn’t shatter
just broke…. but I see no tiny peaces of glass, so yay!
Broken not shattered. It’s fine. XD
This is not a fail. It says “shatter proof”, not “break proof”.
this is not a fail, shatterproof doesn’t mean its unbreakable it just means it won’t shatter and leave thousands of little tiny glass pieces everywhere which is incredibly unsafe compared to having one large broken piece.
Riiight, man.