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Cheezburger Network Blog
You get half the item for twice the price?
Not between October and December. You only pay regular price.
pay regular price? i think that’s a win right there.
Or you can pay the regular double price and get one free.
I am willing to pay 4 times the price for an item if they allow me 3 for free
I wonder if they have weekly rapes.
Rear End Special. Get it while it’s hot.
I wonder if they have strippers selling snow shovels.
Over there, right next to the dancers dealing door decorations.
Don’t pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, it’s a hot potato.
All Doubles are priced.
All bubbles are pierced.
All humans are assimilated.
Resistance is futile.
I am dyslexic of Borg.
Fusistance is retile.
Your ass will be laminated.
no doubt is there any way to speed up this process im tired of all the stupids
All bubbles are sexy
Hilarious use of past fail- WIN
Yaaaay! A troll-free start the the thread! (With the delightful exception of you, Ryannon…)
Give Ryannon a Blow…
I beg your pardon!?
he means, a bit of blow…
right?
Like half-hearted oral sex? The kind of thing where you’re distracted and sort of thinking about the shopping list at the same time?
i was thinking more like smoke. but yours seems more accurate…
Talking of trolls, I can’t seem to work out how to change my picture. It’s 9:30am here, so a touch brain dead. Any suggestions?
I used gravatar.com.
It’s 9:30am here too!
*looks under desk for GJB*
*writes shopping list on Mikey’s thigh*
Heeheehee.
That tickles.
Ahem.
mmmphh huuphhh heee ummhuuh-huphh mphhudd?
Ahem… Sorry… Do we need washing up liquid?
Lots of potatoes and some ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’ should see me through the weekend.
The chair in the toilet-tray need re-upholstering though, and maybe some industrial grade detergent as someone posted it on the internet and people have commented it may need cleaning?
Can we get some ketchup? It’d go great with the potatoes
Sorry, changed my name. GJB —> gjblues. Yaaaaay!
Can we have cheeseburgers?
No. but cheezburgers are fine.
I can has cheezburger? Woop woop!
A classic setup. Now that’s what I call teamwork!
*high five*
Bonuses all round!
Are we talking ‘extra biscuit when we have our tea’ bonuses, or Goldman Sachs-style £135,000 bonuses?
Both! The countries heading into recession so we should reward ourselves all we can before all the money vanishes.
Yeah, that’s exactly the rational, considered logic that’s made our financial system so resilient, so there’s absolutely no reason whatsoever why we should change. Go us. *unleashes AK-47 at Bank tube stop and goes on a ’spree’*
I God. Why did I ever fall into the trap of posting on FailBlog? Now I’m going to waste my life on this site and never get anything done. Arse.
Right! I’m rebelling while I still have the strength. Time to shower, get dressed, and generally rejoin humanity. Now.
…but not before I point out that, as arrogant as I might be, I’m not so conceited to assume myself an actual deity. I God? sadly not. Oh God? Almost certainly yes. Bah.
Oh WHAT?
FINE! I’ll do the shopping myself while you go kill people.
And those bloodstains will never come out in the wash.
(Personally I was dumbfounded by the gall of LloydsTSB having a £2million christmas bash after receiving £17billion bail-out!)
Hehe, those **** bankers and traders did the same thing here in Luxembourg, right after news was out that the state would give them millions to keep ‘em from drowning, they headed down to Monaco and had a million dollar party with the money of us taxpayers. There should be prison for such behaviour!
Well, that’s just they way that this unnecessarily metaphorical cookie crumbles. And didn’t I write ‘Vanish Oxy Action’ on your thigh? Oh wait… I only got as far as Handwash, Haricots Verts, and Hoover bags before you umm… decided we needed more cream…
Too far, I know.
Interesting…It is 1:30am here.
4:30 am here.
Greetings from the future!
We have hoverboards here, they’re cool.
May I ask what you are doing up at 4:30am?
I’m working, thank you for asking.
My, that’s a graveyard shift if I’ve ever heard of one. At least you get to see the sunrise.
the hoverboards won’t last…metal is coming! (terminator refernece for those who are too asleep/hard working)
Mmmm sleep. That is what I should be doing riiiiiiiiight……NOW! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
No actually I usually don’t get to see the sunrise. At least not during winters in Michigan. Sun comes up around 8am or later…I’m in bed by then usually with the superdark shades drawn to assist my daytime sleep patterns…lol.
Crow, we just got the no-school call. How ’bout you?
Everything around us is being cancelled. We’re in for one helluva storm today. 8″-12″ in our area, 4″-8″ north of us, and acording to the weather you guys are in for 5″-10″ plus freezing rain/sleet mix. Have fun with that.
How I wish for a no-work call. Too bad we always get relatively nice weather and it never snows.
Damn you nice weather!! Curse you for being sunny and breezy year ’round!
It’s only raining over here in Jersey.
Good times is such a bore. How I miss the days of wildfires, tsunamis and typhoons… *waxes sentimental*
Heh, I only get to see snow once every 4-5 years. Of course that makes it more fun when it actually happens.
*Admires sentimental’s wax job*
Yeah, I’m ‘way down south in Dixie,
it’s a very nasty, gray and humid 75
degrees. Not very Christmas
Bah, all it did in Jersey is pour rain and clog up traffic. Of course it had to snow like a motherfucker up in Hartford, Conn, so my gf won’t be coming home this weekend….god i hate snow(when it’s not here):P
Just write it on his thigh…
You truly are an insomniac. I at least get paid for being up this early.
Oh don’t worry… I’ll find some client to charge.
*Snork*
Spoken like a true litigator.
Go check your mail. You should find my bill…
I’m being billed? But I like lawyers, do I get a discount?
Well, there is this year end special going on…
Crow, lucky you’re not being clawed…
She’s charging you the mate rate. You’re her mate so you won’t mind paying her extra.
That so means something different in the States. *looks around nervously* My mate (U.S. style) might get the wrong idea.
*Snork*
And here I thought that was my window of opportunity.
Heh, notice I didn’t say husband…
Hmm, to swoop or not to swoop…
Big fire, g2g, later all.
Where?
Perhaps he saw smouldering intent in the eyes of that couger.
Yeah that’s the question! No wonder businesses are failing right and left…They are being run by illiterates!
Fail meter = 100%
That’s nearly more than half.
Nearly.
Queerly.
lol wow WHAT A DEAL!
not funny, as it´s supposed to be a spoof…
Airplane must have wound you up something chronic.
‘DON’T LAUGH! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO!’
lmfao!!!
oh shit…wait
so, what’s it from?
This “special offer” is at the Ukiah Garden Cafe in Ukiah, CA. It’s a popular restaurant there.
i thought spoofs were supposed to be funny? If not, I have a lot of laughing to take back.
That sounds dangerous. Try not to choke when you take them back.
That’s what she said…
Thats what she said^
Honesty is first
Honesty is foremost
Honestly you mom is hot
ok, for those idiots who don’t understand english…
if the item has more than one pricetag and should that ever confuse you, you get it for 1/2 of the actual current price.
get it now ?
It’d have been funnier if you’d written that comment in a language that wasn’t English.
What he meant to say was: 0101001110010110101010001010010010101011001000100101001110101011010101000001001000010001000110101001010101001001010101010
0101001110010110101010001010010010101011001000100101001110101011010101000001001000010001000110101001010101001001010101010?
Holy crap!
*phones broker*
SELL EVERYTHING!
*packs everything in suitcase and flees to the hills*
*Wishes he paid better attention in Binary 101*
Using the Super Computer in the Physics Lab and Converting talldude88’s Binary Number, (above), to a Base 30 Number gives us:
“32633G5FTNNIGASM08G0OO48S”
The code: 32633 G5FTN NIGAS M08GI OO48S Decoded to ENGLISH
using my Stephen Hawking Secret Decoder Ring and Carl Sagan’s book “Inexplicable Science for Dummies” tells us that Mikey D’s Response of “Holy Crap!” is very absolutely correct:
“32663″ = Minutes until the END Of The WORLD, or 22.662 Days!
“G5FTN” = A “G5″ Class Asteroid, “Ferrous/”T”itanium/”N”ickel Composition.
“NIGAS” = “N”ominal “I”gnition of “A”tmospheric “S”tratas
“M08GI” = “M”inimum “08″ “G” “I”mpact (worldwide)
“OO48S” = “O”ver & “O”ut after “48″ “S”econds (Life as we know it).
*phones broker*
SELL EVERYTHING!
*packs everything in suitcase and flees to the Liquor Store*
That must have taken a long time. Must be nice not to have much to do …
*beeps in approval*
Thank God you clarified that for me, that could have been disastrous.
Yeah, I knew what I said…
Why don’t you just go ahead and ruin all our fun by saying Santa isn’t real.
Why would you say that? Do you know something I don’t?
*lower lip trembles*
*fixes Mikey a cup of tea* *hands Mikey a cookie* There, there, pumpkin, don’t listen to these haters…. of COURSE Santa is real… *calls Mikey’s shrink*
I thought Dragonwriter had decided against patronising the Pootle?
I didn’t get the memo. I’m a bit backed up at the office.
*fixes Mookie a cuppa and hands her a cookie*
It’s the hard knock life for us.
No one cares for you a smidge,
When you’re in an orphanage…
Talking of song lyrics, there was one I wanted to add yesterday, but then the whole ‘YouTube hates us’ think kicked off, and I forgot. So I’m going to post it here instead. AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!1!
“Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life…”
Better.
ex-lax, anyone?
Oh yes please. I’ve been out of the office for two days now…
My out tray’s gonna lurrv you, geej
Had to Google Pootle…thought that was secret code or something.
No, just me and my childhood avatars. Sorry.
No worries, I’ve learned alot about Moomins and Pootle now!
Soon, you’ll have your head full of things like this and be incapable of learning anything practical! Heeheehee.
*rubs hands in diabolical glee*
I see your plan… -stares-
I think I’ve reached the point where learning new things like this is taking over other parts of my brain, like the aprt where I’ve stored all my law school learnings… I’m sure I don’t need that information anyway.
Nah, just make the associates do all the work.
Ask for a couple of interns. You can date one of them and ask the other to do the job.
Or, you can do like I do, and have an office damn near decorated in post-it notes.
McFail, find a male associates and just work your wiles on him… Or ply him with your special “coffee.”
Coffee and McFail? *Applies for McFail’s “positions”*
Stamps Christopher’s application: APPROVED.
Ahh, life is good
So… when do I start holding this position under you?
Let’s say immediately. I hope you’re a hard worker
I’m diligent, thorough, takes advice well, and always willing to put in long hours.
He’s great at oral argument, and his briefs are superb.
*reads contract a bit more closely*
Hey, why does the medical coverage package only say “snuggles”?
Woah, that must be a mistake *crosses out medical coverage
…Oh frig, I didn’t finish that
*inserts daily job requirements*
Spending time on failblog more than makes you competent enough to work under the Bush administration. At least you will be able to recognize a fail when you see one, an ability our outgoing commander-in-chief did not possess.
Psssst… Bush was the “Thief in Chief”.
At least that’s what I always called him.
Nooo! Avid changed her avatar! Aahgghhh! The apocalypse is niegh!
I have no idea why he’d say something as silly as that, but you know how it is. I was talking to the Tooth Fairy yesterday, and you wouldn’t believe the number of haters she has. Crazy.
Everytime you say Santa isn’t real a fairy dies.
That’s homophobic beyond words.
Only if you say Santa.
*claps hands rapidly*
Nervously? Do Pootles carry fairy genes?
No. Just a fan of Peter Pan.
’sokay Mikey…*inoculates fairies*
They’re safe now.
Thankyou!
It’s ok, you don’t have to say.
.
It was something great grandma didn’t talk about…I understand.
You say it best when you say nothing at all.
There’s a truth in your eyes…
*slurps cab merlot* *sniff*
thenks
You’re walcome.
You’re walmart.
You obviously don’t know me very well…
so you’re k-mart?
Hmm… please enlighten me
Is there an explanation for us idiots who DO understand English?
ffft. I don’t understand them, and I’m a dual citizen.
No fail here. I was FIRST. Support PETA!
You truly need a different hobby.
Yeah, like… hunting!
And remedial math.
And interplanetary video-marketing.
Well now don’t you tell me to smile
You stick around I’ll make it worth your while
Got numbers…
Wait, you said “interplanetary” not “intergalactic”, didn’t you?
Nevermind…
what is it really that is going on here,
you’ve got the system for total control
so is there anybody out there,
now watch us suffer, cause we can’t go
what is it really that is in your head,
what little life that you had just died
i’m gonna be the one that’s taking over,
now this is what it’s like when worlds collide …
Copy and Pasted, ftw!
This is all the win!
PETA is batshit crazy. I don’t wear fur, but if I did and one of you nut jobs threw paint on it, it’s on like donkey kong.
PETA-Tom really reminds me of that awful pooping wiener dog..
Tom is more like PITA than PETA.
I hope the Year End Special too.
it prob won’t considering how CRAP 2008 has been. and THEN they are adding the extra second! hello! one more second of hell does not please the Worm!
(SIDE NOTE: can someone please tell me how to italic/bold code correctly? it never works when i try and using caps just isn’t the same…)
*nods one too many times*
Of my 34, this one gets the cupie doll.
*slurps cab merlot* *munches comfort pizza*
To start italics, use triangular brackets either side of i
to end italics, use triangular brackets either side of /i
To start bold, use triangular brackets either side of b
to end bold, use triangular brackets either side of /b
That to which Mickey D is referring to is < and >
bah .. That to which I am referring to is < and >.
I like when you people talk nerdy.
“…Nice genes! Hu hu hu..” *pushes taped glasses up*
That to which Mikey D is referring to that I am referring to is < and > .. *headbukkit*
test
test
ooh, I learned a new trick
test test
I learned nothing apparently.
Christopher, I’m starting to rethink having hired you… let’s hope your have other skills that I can put to use.
*passes Christopher his copy of “Success and Sex in the workplace”*
1 2
woo
Well, then how do I strikeout and underline?
attempt
apparently that didn’t work…
second attempt
Nope, I need further instructions for those tricks
Some seem to use straightforward html and some don’t.
strikeoutunderline
partial fail
Is it just me or is everyone having trouble with the underline bit…
Oh and Christoper the stikeout is using the word strike in the brackets
Anybody know how to change the colors?
I know how it usually works, but that doesn’t seem
to be working here..
third attemptIt seems to me it’s a an optimism fail.
I mean, you could choose to see all the double priced items as half on, no?
I mean… Live a little, peeps.
Im all lost in the supermarket
I can no longer shop happily
I came in here for that special offer
A guaranteed personality
oh its so funny becos half of a double priced item is regular price ah haha is good is good
Why thank you! My inferior mind did not have enough capacity to figure that one out myself. Now I know why this particular image is such a fail.
Thank you!
your’e welcome
just take everything you want and leave. that way the person who is sitting at the counter will be too busy trying to work out how much a packet of cigarettes costs to notice. hey pressto! optimism retained.
WHOAAA!!
Need
to
buy
stuff
i take 3!
Buy 1 for the price of 2, get one free!
Umm… the sign being not so well written, I know what they are meaning. Any item that has two stickers is half off… so you scam the store and peal off a sticker and put it on another! hehe
not fail iz WIN
Why I did not become the first comment?
But it does not matter. Provided every day to get failblog
http://www.dorion55.com
haha dont you get it?? you are paying the price it was originally, and they doubled it to give you half off, just so you think you are getting a better price, when you really are paying the right price XD
howdy ho
It’s not a fail because if you take for example :
100 + 50 % = 150
and 150 – 50 % = 75
and 75 ≠ 100
so it’s not a fail
Yeah, that’s quite a bargain >_>