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Built by a rocket surgeon, no doubt.
*sings* “Rocket man…”
I’m gonna be as high as a kite by then.
QUICK THERE’S A FIRE!
We didn’t start it!
It was always burning.
Mine too, and it itches.
I warned you about having sex with that squirrel.
OOH! A palpable hit!
You could have had sex with everyone else, but noooo… you had to go against our advice and now you suffer the consequences.
*snoooooooooooooooork*
I saw what you did there.
But she did have sex with everyone else. They all turned to moomins hence the invasion.
Uhh… are you saying that Mookie and I…? Well we didn’t, and I wish you didn’t start these false rumors. Next thing you’re gonna say that Skwerlly Em and Skwerlly Bob are the same person, and that just can’t be true.
No! I swear, we’re not! Remember, I was emygirl!?!?! Then he started talking about living near that college, and I said I was converting to the religion of skwerlism, so I changed my avatar! It’s like how everyone started changing their avatars to moomins! Speaking of:
tiptoetiptoetiptoetiptoetiptoe
*SQUEEZES the moomin*
*scoooootches*
Wow, Em I’m so glad you converted to Skwerlism!
Are you coming to the Winter Nuts Festival? No need to dress, it’s a sex all day affair after which we get drunk and pig out on nuts and have more sex. Please say you’ll come!
Plus! I think the Biology Dept will be filming all of us romping around and we’ll be on a Discovery Channel in the Spring!
Dragon, it appears I was wrong.
I got a makeover!
Oh, and to everyone who saw my emotional outburst earlier:
Sorry. I tend to hyperventilate and get tourette’s fingers when I’m accused of being a troll / liar, since I happen to be on the Failblog Committee of Moomins / Skwerls Against Trolls. (FCOMSAT)
To Bob: Of course, I’d love to come to the Winter Nuts Festival! It sounds like a group of very nutty people will be there! (And, Bob, don’t worry — I’m just a skwerl in a moomin suit. All the cuteness of a moomin, all the fun of a skwerl!)
I love squirrels
They have medication for that.
since the worlds’ been turnin’?
*looks for architect talent* “It’s gonna be a long, long time…”
Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it’s cold as hell
But I heard that Gliese 581d is a perfect place!
But the Taxes are high and the schools suck! (by the time you get there).
Hi Bobby!
Hi lover! Sorry I keep missing you. I have a job where I hide in Christmas trees and Jump out scaring the whole family after they pick a tree. Then I pose for them and all. So far I have enough nuts to retire for 87 years. If I could only live that long. See ya soon! Muah! Kiss kiss!
And all this science i don’t understand
Its just my job 8 days a week…
*gives ErickB a hand*
I’d use two, that looks like a big job.
The Italian Job?
Young man, leave this thread immediately… It’s taken a turn for the wurst.
Aww…
*slinks off to another thread*
Liverwurst?
Bratwurst?
No, salami.
Viennese?
Somehow I doubt that.
*waltzes with Dragonwriter*
*cha-chas with Ryannon*
*Breaks in between the two and simultaneously tangos with both Ryannon and Dragon*
and maybe a Rocket Psychiatrist thought of the idea.
I do declare that there be a “Z” missin’ from that there Verizon ad… lawdy!!!
Congratulations, you found the fail!
Do you not think Veri On Wireless is a fantastic name?
It sounds like a child’s toy to me…”Look, Mommy! I got my Veri On cell phone, just like you!”
WOO!
Veri On means “Blood Is” in estonian. So Blood Is Wireless. It’s a code. I’m sure of it.
Well, it’s a fairly accurate code. Of all the blood I’ve known, they didn’t need a wire.
The fire valve is for the invisible microscopic gnomes who live inside the panel. The bar keeps the fire from spreading to the human world.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
No, the ticket is veri stuck on wireless ads
Another stunning production from valve. ZOMGOWNEDLOL
GNOMED!!
Sweet.
With bacons?
No. Many singular baconses.
Heeheeheeheehee.
Bacon Vodka?
What you don’t know is that there is a chainsaw just out of shot. The idea is that you cut the handrail away with your Swiss Army Knife and use the chainsaw to open the door with no handle.
I thought the chainsaw was there to unlock the welders torch to cut the handrail.
Please try to touch the no-touch safety valve without touching it.
And you have to break the glass to get it out so please use the one provided.
akchually, it looks like the hinges for the door have been removed, and chances are there is plenty of room inside for the firemen to put their hoses;p.
Hah. Just ask Lunchbox where firemen put their hoses…
*consults FDNY calendar of 2008*
*peers over Ry’s shoulder*
The guy on the cover is from Staten Island. He was in a “guys gone wild” video and umm he can lay his firehose over his arms. He does it proudly, like a schoolboy that just found a frog and brought it in for the teacher to see.
What are his hobbies?
Oo! It says here he likes ice cream and long walks on the beach!
Does he like fish… errr… Moomins?
He does, but sadly, not in a way that you would find enjoyable.
Well at least that railing should keep the venomous reptiles at bay.
All but the wireless ones.
And nobody will try to sell the valve
And nobody will try and buy the Veri on phone.
*inserts potato joke* Oh, wait, this doesn’t belong here…. *gingerly removes potato joke* Nasty.
There is no such thing as “too gingerly” when doing that removals.
Just because you like it rough, Lou, doesn’t mean everyone does.
Damm, my poor English skills betrayed me once more!!
I dunno…too much ginger gives me indigestion…
*cancels gingerbread house Christmas gift*
You can use this phone down here to cancel your order.
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone
I’ve got this feeling,
So appealing,
Alo! Operator speaking, this long distance call will cost you three shakes and fifteen nasty words.
&#$%@!
‘Allo ‘Allo!
Mookie, you silly woman… Potato jokes belong EVERYWHERE!
*insert potato joke*
*Bends Lou over the couch…*
*opens curtains*
*closes buttocks*
Why am I getting flashbacks of sunday school?? :/
ROFFLE!!!
One roffle to rule them all
One roffle to find them
One roffle to bring them all
And in the failblog bind them
One waffle to rule them all
One waffle to find them
One waffle to bring them all
And in the syrup bind them
Oh wait, that said roffle, not waffle. Sorry, my bad.
GAH, I hate the failblog monster!
But it loves you
*smacks the blogmonster on the nose*
BAD! BAD blogmonster! BAD! We only mess with the trolls, not with the smart, cool, funny ones…remember?
Sorry…I’m still trying to train him.
Snot trainable
Well, at least he’s housebroken. *Looks down at wet shoe* Dammit!
Blogmonster, you come here this instant! *Rubs his nose on floor* Do you see what you did there? SEE WHAT YOU DID?!!? *Spanks bottom* Oops, sorry, it looks like I got your bottom instead, Dragon. *Sheepishly hands Dragon a cookie* All better now? *Lets the blogmonster run and hide under the couch, screaming*
You see the people who put the rail there thought ‘Gee… doesn’t make much sense it saying ‘Safety Fail’… I know….’
We have a similar situation at my school. I recently found out that the section of rail at that point can be lifted out so the fire department can do their thing if needed.
Thanks, I was worried. -sigh-
I wasn’t. *sigh*
I am worried that they are doing their thing! In a public school no less.
What brooms weren’t enough they need rails now?
Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “Rides the rails”, doesn’t it?
That is architwats for you.
Archisex?
Archipuncture
My pelago is arched.
My medes is Archi.
My Archi is bald.
*admires* Ooooh, a Brazilian… Nice!
Hurt like the dickens, though.
With proper lubrication, dickens won’t hurt as much.
*hands Mikey the K-Y* Here…
Clench, Lou, clench!
*wraps himself like a cannelloni with the un-hanged curtains*
*gets out the potato masher and lubes it up*
*suddenly feels very hungry*
Banana milk shake?
that would go great with the mashed potatoes
I’ll make a cream sauce.
That sounds delici…wait a second! 8I
that almost made too much sense
AVATAR THIEF!
Fluffy, did you sign up for that identity theft even though we all warned you not to?
*sigh*
They only asked me for my credit card number to check and see if it was stolen. I didn’t realize they would steal my avatar. I feel so exposed and nekkid.
Dang. And there it changed my name…. not my day today…
*goes to cry in corner*
*hands Fluffy a banana milkshake for comfort*
*gives fluffy some gingerly and a hug*
fluffy you do not deserve this
My favourite flavour jelly! Now we just need some viagra ice-cream to make this a proper party.
My Arch is an uleta.
Seeing him was probably the first time in my life I felt like a cougar.
I’m a moomin now! Squeezing fun for me?
How old are you Zurack?
You were squoze back on the last blog.
It ended up as a four way with three moomins and a skwerll.
Failblog will never be the same again, such things were not meant to be.
We’re doomed I tell ye! DOOMED
*looks up sleepily*
*squeezefluffs the moomin*
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I think I am suffering from moomentia!
That’s a monmoonintal affliction!
AAAaAAAAAAAAH! Moomins everywhere!!
You see them too?
WHERE?????
Gahh! Et tu fluffy?
We are awash in moomins!
Since my fish was stolen, I had to change and go with the times.
Conformist!
Wait, Fluff, who stole your fish?
The stupid troll who’s wearing it now. weinerbegal troll.
I think he’s a ‘Grateful Dead’ bear now, and Em became a moomin. I can’t help but let my geekiness show when I say “You will all be assimilated”.
Wait — I’m not sure if my computer is slow, although it shouldn’t be, because downloading Firefox made it 100x faster, but isn’t this “weinerbagel” dude now a teddy bear soldier with a toupee?
*Sings to the tune of I’m Proud to be an American* I’m proud to be a moomin, where at least I know I’m free…
My very true version of the song is:
“I wasn’t proud to be an American, but at least I knew I was screwed. Now there is a man, with a plan, who will kick Bush out next year. His name is Oh-bama and he’s standing still today. Unlike his past running-mate, McCain, the living zombie!”
And that’s all I have. Anyone care to help out?
Your welcome.
I WANNA BE A MOOMIN!!! HOWS!?!?!
Is that a fir rail?
It’s a firiail by the wheechiair ramp.
I looked that up in the dicitionary and it totally wasn’t there…
You mean the dicitiniary?
Damn! Did I misspell that wrong?
you accidenty your o
No, looks like a spruce rail.
See, this is EXACTLY why you cant sell that fire extinguisher!!
Showed those sales staff, eh?
So they keep the valve safe.
That etype is SO arch.
*hopes this goes back to where it belongs*
*keeps you company down here while we wait*
*does a little dance to keep you amused*
*joins in with bf* trips…
This elevator is almost full
Elevator?
*plummets*
Aaaaaaaaaah…
umm how do i get a picture like you
Go to gravatar.com and register your email account through there. You can pick whatever picture you want!
does it like go on there automatically
*looks up at avatar*
I’m so confused right now.
about my choice of avatar?
Why, you…you…IMPOSTER!!!
haha i should change this shouldnt i
Now you’re moomin dancing in circles!!
*starts humming: everybody was moomin dancing*
♬ I’m being followed by a moomin-shadow.
MOOMIN-shadow, moomin shadow… ♬
♬ Bluuuuue Mooooomin, you saw me standing alone… ♬
♬ I see a bad moomin rising…I see trouble on the way…♬
♬ Well, it’s a marvelous night for a Moomin dance…♬
♬ Hello lamp-post, what’s cha knowing, I’ve come to watch your flowers growin’
Ain’t cha got no rhymes for me, do-it-do-do, feelin’ moomin…♬
♬ Say it’s only a paper moomin, hanging over a carboard SQUEEZE ♬
And now a song by Mott the Moomin…
Ooh, I much prefer Clair de Moomin
Moomin of Truth …
*Channels MC Hammer* Can’t touch this (moomin) doo doo doo doo – doo doo – doo doo – Can’t touch this (moomin)!
Please provide me with you credit card information and your pin and I will set it up for you. Oh I will need your mother’s maiden name as well. It will only take 48 to 72 hours to process.
Wow, that’s quite a change from your wolf!!!
I see his more as a baby hippo.
’tis a MOOMIN!
*SQUEEZE!*
There are new moomins every day. Obviously some poor moomin forgot to pack the picnic supplies.
I was thinking of changing my pic to the moomin dragon, but…
…it’s small and pink. With a bow. I don’t do small and pink.
Or bows.
I think you would look cute all small and pink with a bow…
*scootches*
Well, it’s not small and pink with a bow, but I think this dragon is just so…so ME, don’t you??
*hunkers down and waits for new pic to show up*
It’s there. Just clear your cache.
I did. Hm. It’s a little difficult to see. I may need a different one.
*roffle*
That is too funny.
Agree it is a little difficult to make out. Maybe you can just crop in closer on the head?
Okey-doke…let’s try THIS!
Oh, and in case you think me remiss…
*POUNCE!!*
Hee! No, sorry for my poor greeting! I driving myself nuts trying to place your avatar. It is familiar somehow.
*am
You am what, now?
He am pounced by a smitten dragon.
Oh! Hello, Dragon! (Return to the posts way up high about the bad blogmonster, read my post, and you can reply down here if you wish.)
*Still looking sheepish, hands Dragon a cookie and chocolate cake* Better now, yes?
And, I may just be slow, but what is your new avatar? It looks the same as before, although I don’t have that much of an attention span, so I may just be — OOH! A KITTY!
Hee…!
Hm. As much as I like the cyoot, goofy dragon…this one really is much more me. I’ll change it back to Sincweard, the dragon at my back.
No, I haven’t gotten the chance to see the cyoot dragon! Please keep it until my dang compooper gets up to speed!
And no sweat, Em…that wasn’t me you spanked.
It was the vicar.
*grin*
*has a headache from all the avatar changes*
Oooh.
Last one. Really.
I see Sincweard now. Is there one more coming?
Nope. Sticking with her, as she sticks with me.
Rough day?
*smooooooooch*
Thanks. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. The smitten dragon avatar was from something I should be able to place, no?
Oh…! Oh, no…not really.
It’s just that everyone here pretty much knows that I’m…erm…smitten. With…you, know, someone.
*blush*
I’m just going to go and drown myself now, kthxbai.
Hee, you do a convincing teenager! Please don’t fake a drowning, even in jest. Your FOOMer might get damp!
*grin!*
And…hm. Do you still think it’s difficult to make out?
If you do, we could always find someplace more spacious.
This car is a little small. What time did you say you had to be home?
Eleven. But don’t worry, my dad’s out of town and my mom always goes to bed early!
Tsk.
NOW your missing posts show up! Makes much more sense now that I see you accidenty your am.
*grin*
Isn’t it funnier like this, dear:
Which elevataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
I have to agree.
*flattered*
ok, “WHAT elevataaaaaaaaaaaa”
*pronoun fail due to non-native-speaker-status*
wat
Is a unit of electricity when an extra ‘t’ is added on the end.
thanks bf thats where i was going
hows this one
…Is that a lion cub wearing a sweater, giving the peace sign?
no its the grateful dead bear wearing a poncho and giving the peace sign
Interesting choice.
now im fluffy
You don’t speak native? Does that mean you won’t understand this sentence? Tsi-wo-ni-hu Tsalagi.
taze?
Don’t taze me bro.
Are you teasing me?
If I was teasing you, I would have teasers and a magnifying glass in one hand and pointing with the other hand while laughing.
absolutely.
i dont speek the native but i do speak naive
Really?
Did you know the pope is NOT catholic?
whats that supposed to mean *rofls*
ReAlLy?
clearly nawt hence the roffling
*rofls* or *roffle* is the actions of rofl, which is internet shorthand for ‘rolling on the floor laughing’. rolling on the floor laughing is a way of stating that you found something so funny that it caused you to drop to the ground and roll around uncontrollably with laughter. Does that clear things up for ya?
for whom are you trying to clear things up for
You are prepositionally challenged.
why i prefer whom
That is a pronoun, not a preposition.
*sigh*
*headdesk*
its the internet
That’s very perceptive of you.
you are unreasonably condesending
You spelled “condescending” wrong.
i realised that
When are facts condescending?
You spelled “realized” wrong.
Wow i was hoping you would point out my misspelling of realized.
Not you crow, dragonwriter.
Well than I’m glad I didn’t dissapoint you.
That’s twice now that you have neglected to capitalize your “I”.
You forgot to capitalize your “i” in avis!
No, I would not point that out, since you did not actually misspell it. “Realised” is a perfectly acceptable spelling of the word.
Ha then that darn crow was incorrectly correcting me.
It is?
Sorry, bukkit please…
Good for you!
*sticks a gold star on the end of weinerbagel’s nose*
See…? Now THAT was condescending.
Its okay we all make misteaks.
*passes Crow the bukkit*
Your turn!
Jokes on you. I don’ have a nose!
*DUNKS*
You don’t have a “t” either.
You are apostrophetically challenged.
Avis you suck at being rude.
Why, thank you!
your vary welcom!
Aaahhh…I see now.
That was very brave of you to flash that tattoo for everyone to see.
I know that was mean, but i just don’t get how.
ROLF!
This is not my name.
Bukkit please!
*takes it from Crow and gives it to Avis*
The bukkit is very popular today.
*DUNKS*
*sigh*
*Gently pats Avis’ shoulder*
There, there. It’s ok, I don’t mind sharing the bukkit with you.
*hugs*
You people have very weak stomaches.
Birds of a feather, Crow, birds of a feather.
(it’s a pudding bukkit, you SHOULD be very familiar with it WB.
)
Thank you.
Maybe i shouldn’t say this, but it took me about three minutes to figure out what WB was.
It happens. To all of us. Would you like the pudding bukkit now?
That has happened to me a couple of times.
I love pudding what flavor is it?
I know, I repeat, would you like the pudding bukkit?
What flavor is the pudding!?
It is for to dunk your head into. This is what we do when we realize we have made an error.
Oh! then i will need to make a lot of dunks.
Yup.
Is it just me, or is weinerbagel the same poster as lactose-intolerant-dachsund yesterday? The grammar is the same, and “weiner” and “dachsund” are eerily similar…
Hmm.
*ponders*
I don’t know who it is, but it is the single most annoying thing that happened to me on failblog. I loved that fish, and now the stupid troll stole it from me.
You can have it back, fluffy…he changed his avatar to…um…something else.
(A noseless teddy bear? I dunno.)
We all know who the real fluffy is, and no one could ever take your place. Plus you could always take it as a compliment. They say immitation is hte greatest form of flatery. Plus your part of the moomin invasion now, you could just change your name to Muffy the Moomin…lol
Oh, and to Avis: Technically, “ROLF” was not an incorrect thing for you to say, if what you meant to say was “Rolling on the laughing floor”, in which case, I’d love to stay at your house some time. It sounds like a real fun house!
You’ve jagged it
Such an arch snout…
i
you?
me?
them?
Us
he?
she?
it?
we?
YOU!!!! *points finger*
ME??? *points nose*
not you bondfan the evil monkey i my closet
i you closet?
He/she is his/her closet, I believe.
wow skwerlly *puts skwerlly i closet* hahahaha
im scared of the letter n
how ufortuate.
Fluffy…do you want us to take care of this guy for you??
Please say yes.
YES! Oh Gawd YES!
That’s what she said.
(sorry I couldn’t control myself)
*snorkity!*
LET ME OUT!
I’m sorry, Skwerlly, but nobody escapes the Matrix. Nobody.
*morphs*
*Cries hysterically and frantically* No, Bob! He can’t have you! I’ll save you, Bobby!
*Baywatch theme plays*
*Runs in slow motion towards the closet door*
*Yanks the door open*
My dearest Bob! You’re alive!
*Engages in passionate kiss*
*The two skwerls fall on the floor together as the screen fades to black*
Safe at last!
Thanks Skwerlly Em!
Gosh I wish you were more Skwerlly looking!
*Unzips Moomin Suit!*
Ooo! You’re nekked under there!
*Has sex with Em in front of whole world!*
(we’re uninhibited Skwerls)
It’s as Inpu, Zeppelin, Santa, and Lincoln have feared. The ancient Greeks and Scientologists are clearly working with the venomous reptiles to violate our precious fire codes. They’ve also been using their Tom Cruise missiles on innocent civilians and have been very naughty. Santa’s going to be leaving a dark-colored present they’re not going to like and it’s not going to be coal. Hint: it explains why he brings toilet paper with him everywhere he goes.
Have you escaped from the mental hospital?
toilet paper
What about it?
i use it to hold my coal
Santa uses it everytime he leaves a very magical piece of coal that fertalizes plants and attracts flies.
Have you? Wait. Them’s fighting words you just spoke. Grab your sword for you are clearly in league with the Scientologists and ancient Greeks and must be vanquished.
Zeppelin rocks.
*voiceover by Morgan Freeman* I wish I could tell you that Andy Dufresne took that old rock hammer with him when he escaped from Shawshank prison. I wish I could tell you that he used it to bust his way out of the FIRE DEPT. VALVE door. But, no. Andy had crawled to freedom through 500 yards of foul-smelling sewer pipe, only to find his way blocked by a misplaced handrail. And what he was doing inside the FIRE DEPT. VALVE system, after dying in a fiery London bus crash, I can’t even imagine, or maybe I just don’t want to.
*digs in Lunchbox’s pants; steals innuendo machine*
It’s been my experience that fire hoses enjoy hiding in boxes.
*thwacks Failblog with a wet noodle*
Now, why did it decide to put this here? And why did it just redirect me to yellowpages.com?
*hands machine back to Lunchbox*
Here, hopefully this will appease the gods of Failblog.
As flies to wanton boys, are we to failblog. It abuses us for sport.
Hi! is my first time
what i wrote jejeje
okok well, bye
i love this Blog.!
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret!
*waves!*
Happy to see you, bleibe, reste, stay.
yeah!
It’s only fail if the door to the valve swings vertically not horizontally. Press the top. Open the bottom to access the valve. It would never pass inspection if there wasn’t a way for the fire department to quickly access that panel.
I have a fuel tank lid that opens like that (push left side, right side opens), easy if you know it, but there have been a few gas station helpers who couldn’t get it open.
Actually, there are no hinges. When I went to investigate it further, the panel fell off and a long chain fell out, making a ruckus and a bigger fail.
But still, the placement of it wasn’t given much thought.
It’s also a fail if there is a fire. If you are falling down and you need a hand rail to catch yourself it works quite well!
I have a fuel tank lid that opens like that, easy if you know it, but there have been a few gas station operators whou couldn’t get it open.
Cool… safety first always
)
Its to prevent firemen from getting at the *insert potatoe here* valves and hoses. Forcing them to go and polish their firemen’s helmets by themselves. Fire regulation 1.1.5 b rev.6.021
I just loves me some fire dept. valve
so i quess no one noticed the virison was mested up
nevermind didnt read all the comments
It should be noted that, despite the funny juxtaposition, that this type of valve is only used to turn OFF the system once it has been activated, not to turn it on or control it in any other way. I don’t know if you’ve all noticed or not, but fire fighters usually carry axes, and that 16ga steel door does not really provide much of a barrier for one of those.
VERI ON – means blood is in estonian