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Cheezburger Network Blog
All the fun, without the emotional conversations!
& more?!
You know it, Pabs.
There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
He said, “What the hell?
If you don’t mind the smell
just think of the money you’ll save!”
urwrong definitely has a point there…
just added that nice little limerick to my myspace page
Limericks have a 9-9-6-6-9 syllable structure.
Not always. There are some that have 8 and 5 or some like this ditty:
There was a young lady from bright 7
Who could travel faster than light 7
She left one day 4
In a relative way 4
And returned the previous night 7
Syllable count fail.
In all but line 3.
D8
Purist…
Purist…
I hope this comment doesn’t double-post-fail…
Can I do the “I used to have a dead whore in my cave, but then the rotten c*nt split on me” line now?
just added that nice little one-liner to my myspace page
Whore is such an ugly word.
I know, but I couldn’t spell “lady of negotiable affection” and I didn’t have my dicitionary close to hand.
Seems all whores hate that word.
All whores say that.
No, no, it’s a Christian word!
After all, how else would the male-dominated society discredit an extra apostle’s account of history?
no
There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
She was missing a tit
And was rotten as shit
but think of the money he saved!
And they won’t compain about whether you remembered their birthdays, if you got them a nice ring, etc.
an ice ring
Nice touch!
Nice couch!
Rice couch!
Lice couch
Lice pouch
Ice Mouse
Ice House!
*Perfect for the new girlfriend*
Ice spouse
It’s Dave’s perfect girlfriend!
*snort*
oh my how is the dead girlfriend supposed to reply??
ass mouse
ice douche
That is NOT funny!
how about “vacuum snatch”? that one had me in stitches
Oh my how is she to reply?!
I didn’t know necrophiliacs actually befriend the women they’re “dating”.
Well he goes for the dead ones because most gals have a problem with him not having a face.
You mean he’s naturally pixellated?
I would call that more of a motion blur. He’s part Sasquatch.
Clever
Or maybe he’s so ugly the webcam squinted!
LOL
Ouch!
Epic burn.
Nice one X3
My god, you’re looking hideously ugly today, Ugly Bob! If you put this paper bag over your head, chicks won’t be able to see how horribly disfigured you are, and then they’ll want to sleep with you!
He used to be into necrophilia AND bestiality, but gave it up because he realized he was flogging a dead horse
I hear he was also into S&M at the time.
10 dollars say that this is the same guy rejected at eHarmony in yesterday’s fail.
I’ll see your 10 dollars and raise you a prune. I think there are plenty of idiots out there.
(I hope this comment finds it’s way to Lou’s comment where it belongs)
Glad to see your comment made it home safely. You can never tell these days with all the internet creepers. Who knows what could happen to a little comment all alone at night?
Especially if they go for the Opossum defence with Necro Boy on the prowl…
I see your point; in the cult procession fail there was a good couple of idiot examples.
My point is that some people lower their standards when they are rejected, and that guy was rejected by an APPLICATION FORM. He did not even reach the point where a woman rejected him! Next step after that is to look for dead people or potatoes, and this guy is not a vicar.
I see your prune and raise you 100 Dinars.
I saw her prune too, just got back from my cold shower.
What was she pruning?
I see your point, and raise a concern
I see your concern, and raise you a roof.
I see your roof, and raise an objection
So when they asked about what he liked in women, he thought they meant corpses?
The trick is to use the rigor mortis to your full advantage. Um… so I heard.
Wow, this is a fail even in addition to the spelling fail…
Dead is sexy
“Dead” is the new “child”.
“Sexy” is dead.
The first signing he learnt was to make the cross on his chest…”In the name of the Father…”
Who dares summon me?
*cowers in cupboard* urrrggghh, what’s in that bukkit?
*horsers in fridge*
*Hoverbikes in the closet*
well then I’m bringing sexy back, I don’t want no dead sexy. Though it takes the phrase dad sexy to a new meaning
damn I screwed that one up. I swear I meant takes the phrase DEAD sexy to a new meaning.
Your Father missed that opportunity.
Oh just wait till you die. It’s cool.
Dude! I didn’t know ghosts could type!
Ghostwriters?
Ghost in the machine?
(We’ve seen Koestler’s interpretation of this at work here lately.)
Did you get all Ryle-d up?
Dammit. The blogmonster ate my pun.
Hmph.
I’ll ask again. Were you all Ryle-d up??
*glares threateningly at the blogmonster*
Dammit. The blogmonster regurgitated my pun.
*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
Don’t get so Ryle-d up!
Hee…!
Just my dualistic nature at work.
If she’s dead she can’t say no…I see merit in that…I say win.
It’s not that he could hear her say no even if she was alive… He’s deaf… lol
Actually he said he’s a “hearing single guy” …which means he can hear.
Or that he hears single guys…weird…
He hears single guys and sees (dates) dead people.
Obviously a typo, intended to be “hearing single guy wants deaf woman for friendship and more”
No shit Sherlock…
No Sherlock shit…
Shit, not Sherlock!
Sherlock shit not??
Sherlock not shit!
In Soviet Russa…
.
Just sayin’
In Soviet Russia
Sherlock shit on you
Your shit is Sherlock’s.
Your sherlock is Russian.
Russian shit is your sherlock!
Shit locks her.
Shot licks her.
Slick, hotter.
stick potter
stick butter
Dick Cutter
wick putter
sick stutter
quick flutter
hick nutter
sick mutter
tick slutter
lick otter
Prick spotter.
Spotted Prick.
Potted Nick
rotted dick
FTW!!!
then keep digging Watson
Which begs to question… why would a guy purposely seek out a deaf girl? Seems odd.
Either that or this is like the movie Fido… and he’s seeking his very own Tammy.
Amazing movie.
Now your just being silly.
“you’re”
*slap*
Gender = Man? wtf?
I felt like i had to reply to this lonely message
how is the dead going to use the internet?
Thank you, Careboi, for asking the tough question no one dared ask.
There are special internet cafe’s for dead people, didn’t you know ?
It uses internet explorer no less.
I thought Netscape Navigator was the surefire way to contact the dead?
56.6 kb has always been the dead’s perferred download speed. They’ve got plenty of time.
If ur dead and in hell, u use Firefox…sorry, had to say that…
/
Internet café in Undercity. I hear they’re putting one in in the next patch.
Anpu doesn’t recommend dead women. They’re lousy in bed, making you do everything while they just lay there. And the smell. The horrifying smell. Plus, the parasites, like maggots. And worms. And who knows what std’s she’ll have. You know the dead ones won’t tell you about any std they have.
I think you just need more formaldehyde. You two can make this work, I know it!
Yup…and perhaps some ’special time’, you know? Drop the kids at the in-laws for the weekend…
the burn the burn!
its not a “horrifying” smell. its just sickenly sweet. like rotting sugar canes…
does make you puke though. I guess, if you’re a necro, then you must also be a pukophiliac
I thought Anpu would have dated more mummified women, who certainly don’t smell… at least not for a few thousand years. Though I believe there was a discussion on the cons of that a few fails back.
Nope. Anpu prefers live women………..or men, if the fanarts and fanfics a few millenia back are to be believed. He likes a bit of movement in bed.
He hears dead people and they don’t even know they’re dead.
I bet he’s just dying to tell them.
- Hi I have a complaint to make regarding a girl I dated using your service
- Ah yes what’s wrong with her
- I’ll tell you what’s wrong with her. She’s DEAD!
- No no she’s resting.
Oooo. Was she a Norwegian Blue? Clease would have sympathised…
Is she a parrot?
You should have said you met a bird through their website
No no she’s nesting.
FIRST
Let me tell you that i’ve been around!
I’ve been a bouncer for many years!
What about the kick in the groin? Never underestimate the kick in the groin!
I was going to say something about this, but I decided against it, and finally relegated myself to walking away shaking my head.
i think he’s just happy talking away to himself.
I think he enjoys being a turd
Exactly! *demonstrates on Tom*
Even without the typo, why would a hearing guy seek out a deaf girl? Sounds creepy.
He may lack conversational skills, or he do not want to bother with long chats before reaching the & more point.
Hmmm.. you sound like you’ve thought this through a big, Lou
ooops *bit*
ooops *bridle*
yawn *idle*
oops *s(tr)addles*
ooops *halter*
Maybe he squeals like a pig uncontrollably during sex, quite common amoung necrophiliacs
ooops i accidentally a dead horse
Accidenty.
*pokes with a potato*
psst…. Mikey…. wash your hands! That’s not soil on that potato.
That’s ok, it’s not a potato either.
*looks baffled*
Vicar glazed baked tater
Its ok, it was a donkey head. No one cares about donkeys.
Well its not like I knew that donkey, so why should I care?
Only when I travel to foreign countries
My conversational skills in English absolutely sucks.
Also, I prefer the long chats after reaching the & more point: there are always funny things to talk about.
or sign about, as this case may be…
Maybe he talks in a hedious tone, or in burps.
He’s hoping she won’t hear him fart in public.
Oh, God. Farts and burps? What have i done!! I made FB just like any other blog out there!
*weeps in despair*
*dries tears*
*drinks tears*
i’m wondering about that too… odds are it isn’t for the unique culture that deaf people can often share, and that he loves sign language, but maybe a shade more that he thinks he’d have a bit more power in the relationship.
She won’t hear him cry for his mother after sex.
Look, it’s obvious… your body’s sense of balance is controlled by the inner-ear. Clearly he believes a deaf girl is more likely to have balance issues resulting in some crazy rodeo-esque sex sessions.
That, plus he cries for his mother *during* sex.
Maybe he was raised by deaf parents, or he’s had more good relationships with deaf women than with hearing women. You never know.
Necrophilia win!
Normally I’d be all over this, but the only real fail here is that he never caught his typo. I mean, half of 1337 is based off common 1-key-off typos, so how can you guys be that hard on him for being so close (d-f) Is there a shortage of real fails that we need to flame over every typo we see? People are stupid, and we CAN catch it. Just look a bit harder for the next fail.
We aren’t flaming over every typo. The reason this is such a good fail is purely the fact that his little typo made him seem like a necrophiliac. Had it been “hearing single huy wants deaf woman for friendship and more” we wouldn’t have cared. But one tiny mistake made a huge difference in what was being said, and of course he actually left it there which is an epic fail, regardless of why.
seeking a deaf girl is a bit wierd as well, sorry I don’t like the hearing. Chicks with defects usually try a lot harder in bed though.
“defects”??? terminology fail.
Deafects
Maybe what he likes is a woman that “plays dead”.
or (using Phaet’s comment):
- Hi I have a complaint to make regarding a girl I dated using your service
- Ah yes what’s wrong with her
- I’ll tell you what’s wrong with her. She keeps following me around saying “braaaaains, braaains!” and seems to be amused with my head!
- No no sir, that happens only one week per month.
Hey don’t complain unless she’s trying to use an ice cream scoop on your braiiiinnns.
Traaaaaiiins traaaaiiins…
Briiian Briiian…
*posing as vegetarian zombie* Graaaaaaaiiins, graaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnssss.
Delicious brains… mmmm…
Do you have a zombie plan?
Zombie Zombie~!
In urrr headddd
in urrr headddd
Penis
You misspelled peninsula.
You misspelled alpine sun.
You just anagrammed alien puns.
Not really. Just martian along…
Necrophile WIN!
Maybe all women he asked out said,”No woman would want to be caught dead dating you”.
He’s just trying to see if it’s really true.
This site needs more cowbell!
only problem with dead women is, that they can’t cook… maybe being dead doesn’t have much to do with it but there…
No, but you can eat them! Yum…
Necrophagy ftw!!
Hey! Who sent a screenshot of my profile?!
Looking for someone drop dead gorgeous are you Zurack?
He’s a dead ringer for love.
I’m sure some of you guys have actually been with a woman that seemed dead.
Shame he might have to use an excessive amount of Vaseline
looks like he has it all over his face
I used to be a queer necrophiliac until some rotten bum split on me, the uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
I believe he should be the one sending icebreakers
Popped in for a cold one?
Hey, I think me and that blur went to high school together!
well, i guess when living women just won’t pay attention to you, you got to take what you can…
Yeah, but I’m sure even dead women have *some* standards.
Ashton Kutcher? Is that you?
(Demi just not old enough any Moore)
first!
If you are “dating” dead women you must take precautions lest you make her a mummy.
Is that the best you can do?
Is that a humorous comment or a criticism? Either way it is lacking.
wat an idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont thin you want dead girls. da. that way ull get none. lol.jkjkjkjk.hahaha:)):)):):):):(:):(|)
As a member of deaf culture, I can tell you we are neither amused [by the spelling error] nor interested. Personally, I don’t like people who specify that someone has to be hearing/deaf/whatever (oddly enough, deaf people do it all the time though…). Sorry if I sound like a troll, but…
Even as a hearing person, I thought it was weird and borderline offensive in the first place. I can understand one deaf person seeking out another as you have something in common to share with one another. The hearing world will never fully understand what you live with day to day as another deaf person would. Vegans tend to date vegans. If a guy posted an ad saying, “Steak lover seeks vegan girl,” I’d think he was a total creep.
You don’t sound like a troll, but you do sound a bit like Palin.
mmm… necrofailia.
Wow, what an unfortunate typo. I really hope it was a typo, at any rate D:
AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! necrofeliac
Sick nerco fucker! X-P
Necrophilia is a sin.
Necrophilia for the lose.
Necrophiliac ftw
JOHN LENNON?!
lol there is a girl in the back roound look in the upper right corner she has blonde hair and is wearing a black leather jacket
At least it’s not rape when they’re dead
lol looks like james may from Top Gear
wow, his sex life’s really gone down the pan.
It’s called necrophilia.