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Cheezburger Network Blog
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Cheezburger Network Blog
First?
yay!
Where is the anti-”ME IZ FIRST” guy when we need him?!
Uh oh. I clicked your avatar and everything around me stopped.
Now you have a way to add more billable hours to the week!
Find out how I saved over 15% on my car insurance!
Was it by not running people over?
No, he cancelled the policy. Now he’s paying 85% for nothing.
85%? That’s more than half!
How come people are snuffed when they are honest. What kinda world are we livin’ in. =D
dude, my uncule earlier at thanksgiving was talking about how he did this.
Wtf is an Uncule?
fail? rlly? id call that a WIN
i think you just became that guy
I’M here! stfu 1st guy >:[ and this is funnah, alas also so close to how little class men posses these days :[
Hee! Now I’m picturing a class where little men learn to ride in a posse.
Ha! I like how your mind works. Awethome!
I’m not sure I follow your line of thought …
unless your getting at the fact that the have very little (posse) class (learning bit)?
HeHe… that fail reminded me of the match.com commercials, “We don’t know why eHarmony has rejected so many people…”
LOL WIN!
I totally agree… I only see this as a fail because they weren’t accepted into the website…
Either way.. it’s a total WIN!!
Win x1000
i belive that would be a failtastic a fail so awesome it is paradoxically a win
Do you always come first? If so, you must be a real bore to women…
sounds like u need some dick in you
Mom? What are you hiding under your apron?
Remnants of the Pain Olympics?
*cries*
Aw, poor Lozzy
*waves shiny bobble around*
Look Loz! A pretty! Don’t cry.
Yesssss…I see. You treat her like an infant, or a pet, and get her SO mad that she completely forget what she’s been crying about as she clobbers you! GENIUS!!
*nervously awaits a vicious clobbering by Loz*
….but, but, but I was only trying to make her smile, I just can’t stand to see a pretty girl cry; ugly ones often have good reason and there’s usually nuthin that can be done that’s affordable or prudent, so….
Wow, did my comment hurt your feelings? I didn’t know of your problems, sorry!
win.
you’re the man now dog!
Have you read all the mess you caused being first? Congrats man
Now stop watching AS …
I want to sign up for eHarmony just so I can get an email like that sent directly to me. That is greatness. I am so proud to be a man.
in my opinion dating is not necessary it is a wrong thinga
I doubt he’ll get a date….
lol, this is a win!
They should the honesty of this man.
They accidenty his application.
accidenty: from the ancient greek “accidentally rejected” meaning: to leave words and letters out of a web post, with intent to confuse and confound readers.
*NEWS FLASH* Recent discovery shows ancient Greece had weblogs. Al Gore rumored to have time machine, so his internet claim may be TRUE!
accidenty: From the ancient FAIL Blog. Meaning: some sort of action that was crucial was mistakenly forgotten or omitted. NEVER followed by a Verb, (esp. an action verb). Used with the intent to continue and confer a funny meme to FAIL Bloggers everywhere.
I iz now so edjumakated. Thx.
Signed, the eternal latecomer
I agree! Isn’t eharmony the site that claims honesty in a relationship is important?
Oh, honesty is such a buzzwrecker.
I think you accidenty your comment!
LOL this is a win
Surely this is what you say yourself every time you are rejected
maybe his hand had a headache
I wonder what was his answer to Question #15: “What do you like most in a potato?”
Isn’t the question “Would you like a potato in you?”?
That is #16, just before #17: What is your best estimate on the number of children you have.
#18- If response > 0, would your children like a potato in them?
#19. Do you have any experience raping?
#20. If so, do you feel like you want a joint afterwards?
#21 If so how many do you have?
#22. If she dumps you, would you bend an x-ray?
#23. Have you ever watched porn, had someone videotape you and kill your dog with mushrooms?
#24. Have you ever trespassed just in the hope you’d be prostituted?
#25. Do you freqent motels with weekly rapes?
#26. Do you believe in Juses?
(Hiya McFail! Looks like another productive work day for us!)
(Hi Mookie! Of course, everyday is highly productive *cough cough*)
#27. Do you stand up against violence against women?
#28. Would your wedding cake include cake?
#29. When faced with a choice between bread and bread, which would you choose?
Is it just me or is Mookie’s photo HOT!
#30. Have you ever accidenty and how did you ever?
#31. Would you like to marry near a pile of dirt?
#32. If required, can you swim in a wedding dress?
#33 Who is your daddy and what does he do if you don’t stop screaming?
#34. Do you always insist on going first?
#35 Do you like your dick half in or half out?
#35; A: Yes
#36: Do you enjoy giant spools of cable in your spare time? If so, would ypu rather send one through a glass door, or into a conveniently situated car outside?
#37: Whats the best porn youve ever seen?
Movie or picture?
#39 If your future wife is flying on her broomstick backwards
from Florida to New Hampshire, what is the wind speed?
#40: Is sex with animals cheating if your significant other makes and sells the videos to pay for their child p0rn and/or crack habit ?
41. When you push it all the way in, and push it in hard, do you get an icy response?
#42 – When having a free cunt breakfast do you or do you not bless America?
Do you have genital warts? If so, how big and what colour?
movie, mostly, but I’ve never counted..
#38: Would you prefer a dairy queen sign telling you to
scream until daddy stops or advertising the new doucheburger
39:do you eat at Myass?
#40. has every woman you ever dated died 3 days after meeting you?
or falling precisely on that upended spud while hangin drapes nekkid in the rectory?
The vicar would.
38: Have you found 50$ after your car was towed
Scarier if it’s automatically filtered.
Do you mean that they may have an automatic filter for checking if a dick is acceptable?
I think a dick is a requirement they have for half the people on the site.
SNARK!
I hope that filter has some wide mesh on it.
*golf clap*
?? huh ??
*removes 1/2 my brain*
*thinks for a few moments*
Oooh! I get it… To let the small ones slip by?
*returns brain back to male configuration*
umm, that means to let small dicks through???
but what about the big ones???
*cry*
rofl
I’m beginning to get annoyed by all the fake fails we’ve had recently. People are forcing them just to get onto this site, and they’re quite simply not funny any more.
Your comment fail!
Printscreened and sent to Failblog!
Failure is in the eye of the commenter.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Dustbowl.
I’m beginning to look a lot like my mother.
And i like it!
*snort*
*freebase*
White lines. . .
*shrooms*
That is so wrong. . .funny. . .but wrong.
go elsewhere!
ROFL
Of COURSE he failed… He obviously has not seen the brilliance of Andy Samberg & Justin Timberlake’s Dick In A Box…. in a woman… Geesh.
what ?
It’s easy! Step 1: cut a hole in the box. Step 2: put your junk in that box! Step 3: have her open the box. This is how you do it.
What about on Kwaanza?
Kwanzaa Instructions:
It’s easy! Step 1: cut a hole in the box. Step 2: put your junk in that box!
Step 3: put some joints in that box too! Step 4: have her open the box. This is how you do it.
Lol you put your dick in a chick!
1) see the hole in the chick?
2) put your dick in the chick
3) have her suck on your dick
Does anyone else think the “Giant Gummy Bear On A STICK” looks like Satan? or is that just me?
(in the ad on the right of this) –>
Some browsers can be configured to avoid downloading ads, so maybe not everybody around here can see that ad.
And knowing that there are ads for “Giant Gummy Bears On A STICK” (WTF?), I am not deactivating this feature on mine .
Hey now, I would get one if the price was right. Unfortunately it is not. I would not spend upwards of 40 bucks to buy one and have it shipped to where I live. Ill just glue 88 little ones together and shove ‘em on a kebab.
I’m still wondering whaat happened to the babe in zebra striped bottoms, *whispers* I think she was stalking me
She had to report for her job as a pole-dancer at Lowe’s. She’ll be back later, tho.
Man, phew, thats great news, I thought I sscared her off inviting her to a motel with weekly rapes, that and my comments about making sure she brought the wessson oil and saraan wrap.
There there, it’s ok..
*soothing calming voice*
back to you room now, here’s your crayons.
i know that girl. and when it comes to poles, i haven’t seen a pole abused that way since world war II.
haha! It DOES look like satan! I just looked.
In Soviet Russia, satan looks like YOU
in soviet russia, everything looks like satan, and you look like a giant gummy bear on a stick.
In Soviet Russia don’t most the women look like men?
no, russians are hot.
At least the ones who avoided the worst of Cynobyl
chernobyl you mean right?
Ha! It looks like a baby Satan! Or spawn of Satan, or something…
Satan’s Teddy
Satan wears a TEDDY?
*squeezes mental picture out of head*
Oh thank you very much SB! That image is going to haunt me for a while.
and rightly so…
Now then Marius, add to your “Satan in that black teddy” mental image:
a bad cheap blonde wig, hot pink lip gloss, 5″ heels, lavender furry boa, and a feather whip!
NOOO!! *sobs* The pink lip gloss completely clashes with the lavender boa!
Well, the Feather Whip has BOTH colo(u)rs in it, plus mauve! That should tie it all together.
You want to play tuff SB? How about a male Sphynx cat dressed in a black Merry Widow, fishnet stockings and black patten leather stilettos standing over you quietly singing “Sea of Love” while you sleep?
*SHUDDERS in HORROR*
While I sleep!? Damn! I’ll miss out!
Will you film it?
ha ha ha ha ha it totally does
definitely
It DOES totally look like Satan! Um, why would anyone want a giant gummy bear on a stick? Satan on a stick, much cooler!
Not all is failed! There are real fails out there, not just fake ones like this.
MORE LIKE A WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111
What a lame fail!
Who would be so infantile to reply in the manner and
who would really be even more infantile to post proof of it lol.
who is more foolish the fool leading the pack or the pack of fools following the fool!
i pity the fool!
I pity his dick
In Soviet Russia, fool pities you!
In Soviet Russia, your comment is funny!
It’s just proof that there are people with low IQ in this world and they’re stealing our Oxygen.
Well, someone has to sweep up.
<——- you missed a spot.
There there, it’s ok..
*soothing calming voice*
back to you room now, here’s your crayons.
*takes crayons*
colored markers too, please. and a sharpie as well.
Is there a yellow crayon in there?
I likes yellow…
Well, think about someone you know who is of average intelligence than think about the fact that half of the population is dumber than that person.
I don’t know whether to be terrified or feel a sense of supreme power…
Be afraid, very afraid
Mwuaahahahahaaa…
…Oh, sorry. Did I laugh evilly out loud?
this one is my favorite so far on this site. I think its hilarious that anyone would actually write that for a dating site. Dumb ass.
You never know…there are some women out there who would appreciate that clever double entendre.
Double? What’s the OTHER entendre?
their vagina
Personally I liked it. Just proof positive you need to watch how you word things, because you may get the answer to exactly what you asked. And for the record, yes, alot of women would appreciate the humor there. Shame on e-harmony for discriminating against the one guy who answered that question honestly.
He should’ve said “My dick halfway.” Then his application wouldn’t have been rejected.
But if it’s not big enough, you’ll be prostituted.
and find fifty dollars.
I found $5 once – does that count?
Of course, if I were to write the question, it would be: What do you lick most in women?
Why do you lick most women?
Because it always seems to be a popular move with the ladies.
#Twat do you lick most in women?
Lol. It’s the self-answering question!
looks like someone’s a cunning linguist here…
I find that women do not like to be teases like that. Either go hard or go home.
teased. *ties two halibut together nunchuck style, thwacks himself in face*
Whoa! some complex whacking there, Christopher! *golf clap*
Hee! You’ve come a long way, Christopher!
…Now clean it up. Ew. :p
or said something about his bodily fluids.
Lame, but I laughed anyway.
Oh come on, your face isn’t that lame.
Good for you! You shouldn’t let your handicap get in the way of having a good time.
(waiting for failblog to actually place the above reply at the appropriate spot)
sheesh, finally!
This proves that Scientology is infiltrating the internets to poison our tubes. We need those tubes for our internetz.
May Anpu save our internets and make it so our dicks are once again welcome inside consenting women. Curse you, army of Tom Cruises. Your Xenus won’t save you forever.
You accidentally Zeppelin.
fluffy babe, you accidenty “all”
That boy needs therapy.
Which internal organ is YOUR favourite?
The duodenum?
Bontempi, you can play that inside.
I can’t believe you have the gall(bladder) to ask such a question.
Can you e-spleen that better?
Have you the time, it’s a pretty lung explanation.
Of course. Just please speak a little louder, I’m afraid I’m a bit heart of hearing.
No kidneying? It may be that potato in your ear that is the problem.
It does make conversations a bit awkward, but hey it’s 100% organ-ic!
I don’t know how much longer I can stomach these puns
I hope you don’t diaphragm from it.
I found this humerus. Please continue.
It is fun to hear people bladder on like this.
No one nose why it’s still ‘ear, but I’ll go look in the appendix to see if eye can find a way toe explain.
Ovary clever, nice way to keep it going.
Incidenty, why are we all replying to ErickB?
Because I’m special?
c-c-c-c-c-c-c-COMBO BREAKER.
Uh-oh…this pun-run has died. I can see the liver mortis.
Uvula!
I was the 100th voter! What do I win?
A free application of potato.
Kindly assume the position.
What do you like moist in a woman?
bodily fluids, such as blood. A woman without blood is a dried out mummified woman that’s no good in bed.
Why not? Surely she lasts longer?
Friction burns, she’ll catch fire.
Then you can toast marshmallows!
Now there’s romance, and a real toast to your love.
A real roast to her glove.
You’d think her mummy would of taught her to moisturize more!
Alas, she was too wrapped up in other matters to care for her.
That’s just not a resin-able explanation.
Dammit, I submitted this fail too, this guy obviously beat me to it.
Sorry, but that is a WIN
I wonder what answers they automatically reject from women…
Just change the “My” for “His”
Oh his!
Potatoes is the #1 rejected answer from women.
I had some intentions to made my application too, but now I’m fairly disappointed. What else if not procreation is the meaning of life…?
Oreo cookies and a tall glass of milk?
YUCK! My dick??? In a woman?? Dude! That’s disgusting!! It’s not even fun! I tried that 7 years ago. It doesn’t even sound fun. I wanna puke…
That’s cause your mum hardly counts as a woman.
I lol’ed.
That’s even more disgusting! I don’t even want to know what do you do for a living. I’ve lost all apetite. Now I won’t eat for a week.
Shouldn’t this be a reply to Mookie’s comment?
No, why?
You know… lol’ing without a permit…
…nvm
Dude, first you puke at the thought, and now you’re not eating for a week. You’ll thank us later when the slinky lil’ dress fits you for the office Christmas Party.
Did you get lost on the way to ICHC? Cuz buddy, you ain’t in Kansas anymore.
I’m with you Phaet…just the thought of it makes me shake…hahah!
the thought of it makes me rattle
Would they have rejected the application if a woman said that that’s what she like to see in a man.
Well yes, if the question was ‘What do you like to see in a man?’ and she answered ‘My Dick’ I would not be surprised if they rejected her application.
Win.
This isn’t a fail, this is right. Smart asses have to be dealt with somehow. Good for eharmony!
Smart asses need dick too
No, only potato(e)s.
someone should sign up to this dating site with that answer for that question and see what response they receive, it would be interesting
I signed up for it tonight. Just out of curiosity and this question does not exist in the questionaire at all. There were very few fill in the blank questions and the ones that were weren’t that specific. The website doesn’t even look like that either. I think may be a crock, but who knows. It just doesn’t seem real.
just out of curiosity, yeah right
This is not a Fail, this is a Win in a quite high order.
No, it’s still a fail, but on the part of eHarmony for not accepting the quite candid answer.
i believ the respons they would receive is THERAPY!
I’m watching The Simpsons. IT SUCKS. Nice info huh?
Looks more like WIN!
Fail? Such an odd way to misspell WIN.
If it’s a FAIL, where’s the losing horns?
LOL comical! Don’t you just hate web forms that can’t take a joke! LOL
jess
http://www.internet-anonymity.net.tc
Don’t you just hate spammers that can’t get a clue!
You fail for trying to sign up to a match-making site
the fail truly lies in the necessity of them placing it there
Fake-ity fake fake fake.
First!….well, not really. I just wanted to see what you guys would say.
I just read these comments and I jizzed in my pants
…Well, everyone has their kinks. I’m glad you’re happy, although I really wish you hadn’t shared the results…
Just make sure they were your pants.
man I hope someone watched SNL
What is SNL?
Win
Capitalizing “dick”= automatic win.
Honesty win.
Who doesn’t like an honest man? It’s good to know intentions.
lol honesty is good but sumtimes we prefer discretion
Like its a great mystery why any man would join a dating website.
haha. WIN!
Adult Friend Finder WIN!
Ha ha ha! I thinks it’s a win in the sarcasm department!
more like win
lol good 1
Fuck that! That’s a win!
i would say that was a win actually. an epic epic win
yeah….. this is a major win… and that’s coming from a girl
Why it was a nicely sincere answer…
lol
At least they were Honest (If a bit randy at the time!)
i be basment cats ssistant so i type all his comments, and basment cat tink that this message is fake FAKE FAKE, but he also had to use deh litter box after he red it, so mayb dat a gud sign?
Wow.. Good stuff friend
First!….well, not really. I just wanted to see what you guys would say.
hahahahahaha
what a fool
FIRST BIZITCHES!
that is the best answer I have ever heard!!
At least he is an honest horn dog!
Gay.
Oh wow.
This might be the greatest thing I have ever read, I’m still laughing and I read 10 times! LMAO!
Exellent post. You got some really good points there. Thanks for sharing.http://www.onepieceofmylife.com
a friend of mine went on eHarmony and it said “Sorry, you are unmatchable.” To him. he was quite sd :[
It means that your friend SHOULD be looking somewhere else…
Sites like eHarmony have no future…. sad…
Comeon… this is definately a win for that guy
rofl I can’t stop laughing!!! thats one of the funniest ones
Hahahahaha very nice answers !
Superb material, thanks for the tips
lol i told my friend and we both agreed that he was right