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Recent Failures in Communications
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Cheezburger Company Blog
Dummy should have left those under the mat.
Dummy who sent it should have used another carrier like Fed Ex.
Wouldn’t have made a difference, I’ve seen Fed-Ex employees THROWING items out the back of their truck. Literally throwing. Then stacking it nicely on the trolly to bring it into the building.
avis want mail?
Not from Fed-Ex, not really.
FedEx is better than CEVA. I was given a time I can go to Tulsa to pick up my package. They don’t deliver this far.
Sounds more like SEEYA!
CIA!!?!?!?
What does the Culinary Institute have to do with mail???
Yeah, letter carriers don’t work on hollandaise!
But they DO work on satay-days.
I’ll chicken to that for you.
They do work on hollandaise if they need to ketchup.
Only when it is mornay can handle during the regular work week.
Yeah, but they get so fried during the wok week, they commonly have to come in on Saturday. That’s why they’re always going postal!
Every Fed-Ex package actually has to withstand a 6-foot drop at the main distribution centers.
How did he get them to stick to the wall like that?
He didn’t. Spider-pig took the picture.
no, under the mat is moisture and dirt and a paper envelope is not going to help with that. he should have left it unbent on the porch in a safe place. or they could have sent them in a safer package.
failman…
Ah, the British Postal Service at its finest.
Don’t be silly, everyone* knows that the British still use carrier pigeon.
Obviously American.
*every hobo I interviewed today
When they aren’t on strike.
Who? the pigeons?
No, the hobos.
No, the interviews.
No, everyone.
No, silly.
No, the Americans.
No, your mom.
No, the everyones.
Who are on strike? The pigeons?
Yes.
*strikes a pose*
*Vogues*
*strikes out*
*strike up the band*
*strikes a match pheeeeew
*strkes a blow*
*Bowls a strike!*
*Bowls over*
*Spares some change*
*gets up out of the gutter*
*Turkey for dinner*
*leaves mind in the gutter*
Has bowled 12 strikes in one game.
*shows ring*
gay
*is awestruck*
OOooooh, shiny!
Well, you’ve bowled me over 12 times in one FAIL…
*masturbates*
(I love how the “gay” comment above came from scott and his little pink flowery icon! FABULOUUUUS!)
*eradicates*
LB?? Now that’s a fancy name you got there!
* is bowled like a goldfish *
*wears a bowler* Top o’ the morning to ya!
*bows* Morning EB!
*Tilts fedora over right brow.* Good afternoon!
*strikes awe*
* strikes a match *
mmhh… that is interesting. On my first comment i’ve been told that I already wrote something similiar. And by reprhasing I make a double post. Fail before attempt. O_o
I think you made that up.
unless they are sending a coconut.
No comment
…comment fail?
Oxymoronic comment.
Without the oxy!! AHAHAHAHAHHA!
*shoots self*
(I once knew a person that made this joke way too many times)
Joke fail, ’nuff sed.
Fail with the intent to Fail. Win?
Actually, fairly SOP, rather than fail.
Son of Pong?
Save Our Planet
Sign of Poltergeist
Super Ornamental Penguins
Superman Over Pittsburg
Sending Out Philadendrons (as Christmas gifts!).
standard operating procedures?
Squishy Ovular Party
Son Of (a) Postman (PC Postperson??)
(Vicar) Sits On Potatoe
Superlative Oxidizing Potential?
Statues Opposed to Pigeons
Soap on Pope
Scratchy Old Pajamas
Silly Old Peadophile
Smoking our pot.
Soup on plate?
Snakes on plane?
Stifles Odiferous Pharts?
*sigh*
I give up. I’ve posted twice on this thread and both times it’s gotten eaten.
Stoopit old plogmonster.
(Actually…that was so bad, I kinda hope this one gets eaten, too.)
That’s funny, I thought I read the other day that you girls didn’t ming getting eaten… oh, wait… never mind.
*snork*
Servants obey pleasingly.
Stalin Oppresses Prussians?
Standard Operating Procedures… FAIL
SUPERLATIVE OXYMORON POWER. o_O
no really????
gay, its a joke you don’t have to use the real words
You mean like felching?
I wish I had Dragonwriter’s *FOOOOOOOM* ability for those who persist in using “gay” as a synonym for stupid.
Well, I did make fun of his little pink icon up there^^…but I’ll *FOOOM!!* him for you if you like.
*puts one finger on scott’s head to keep him from weaseling away*
*leans in close*
*gently exhales one little “poot” of flame, which ignites the rank fumes of ignorance and bigotry surrounding him*
Enjoy! Got any marshmallows??
*Makes s’mores.*
Satanic Orange Peel
Soggy Oblong Panhandle.
Skwerlls On Parade!
Slice Of Placenta.
The only thing better than a placenta is a placenta and cheese sandwich.
(Hi Avis!)
Would you like yours fried? I have a frydaddy now.
(And hello!)
Stop Or (I’ll) Puke
*Stops Out (of) Pity*
Seriously Off-Putting!
Sorry Oh Picky (one)!
S’ok Oh Plucky (one)!
Sexy Octogenarian Party
Sick! Old People!
Shaved old …
I can’t do it, I just can’t.
Christopher, what was that? Huh…?
My conscience threating my proverbial ass with a proverbial potato.
Scruples obliging potatoes.
Spuds obliterate purity?
Spuds obliterate piety.
Squeeze Opportunity Present!
*leapfrogs bondfan*
*SQUEEZES the Dragon*
*Escapes by ornithopter*
smacking old potatoes
Spiraling onto (your) planet. The martians. They are coming!
Same Old Postcards?
Skanky old prostitutes.
Ew. Skanky old prostitutes’ scary oropharyngeal problems.
Sanguine Old Pirates
Bloody ARRRR!
Senile Ovaltine Partisans?
That explains diagnosis of scoliosis.
You are a commenting MACHINE today!!!
Failblog: the most productive waste of your time you’ll ever find.
Failbloging: what lawyers do when they should be working on your file
Damn, girl! What if one of my clients sees that! *subtracts .1 from her billable time*
Shit! Sorry Mookie, just put it as non-billable networking time
Even better: billable research time.
A lawyer is standing at the pearly gates complaining to St. Peter:
I should not be here. I’m only 38 years old and in perfect health. I don’t remember any accident, so what happened. St. Peter consults his list and replies “According to your billable hours your 92 and in the wrong place.”
i LOVE IT!
*claps*
Really liked that one
You gave McFail the clap!
*scooches*
*scootches* Sends McFail bill for 50$. Here is a prescription for some Azithromycin.
You gave mindmute the complaint about giving mcfail the clap.
Comeback fail? I think NOT!
lol
What state you in, McF?
I’m up in Canada actually
That’s a really big state. Can you narrow it down.
I’m very close to Windsor.
Oh, I’m in Atlantic Canada
Ohhh out east? Lard tunderin jaysus!!
I grew up in London
Yay! Canadians are taking over failblog, eh!!
*high fives scotteh*
Huzzah, moi aussi McFail, moi aussi.
Yikes! I’m outnumbered! *runs back across the border*
*Rallies with Mookie*
Canadians – 3, Americans – 2.
I R AMERICAN SKWERL!
Canadians – 3, Americans – Twelveteen
I AM BRITISH FAN!
Canadians – 3, Americans – Twelveteen, British – Eleventy one.
I IS AN AMERICAN NATIVE.
*is American*
*is no longer ashamed of that*
There is dignity in numbers! …or maybe not…
Twelveteen is more than Eleventy-one! We WINS!
“Tell, then what they’ve won Roger!”
I want whats behind curtain 5!
*sneak out from behind curtain #twelvetytwo*
*SQUEEZES the moomin*
*leaps into a passing gondola and punts down the canal*
I thought the curtains only went up to potato?
Who was that masked woman?
*is Australian and Canadian*
Do I get to count as two or just two halves?
AmericanRussianScottish I should get three! At least, by Kazbah’s logic… *line dances a riverdance jig*
Irish and German!
Yes…I can hold my liquor.
I live in the state of Confusion.
This is the world we live in…
(thanks for the earworm fluffy)
Dragon is a lepra-kraut?
*bakes three-and-twenty blackbirds in a pie*
Hm…I need just ONE more…
*Flies away snickering*
Tricksie crowses!
Heckle and Jeckle?
Oh, you mean North Montana. Nobody’s called it Canada for years!
Failblog: the only thing at work that doesn’t get blocked because it supposedly isn’t “Unsavory/Dubious” (yeah, no joke. Got this msg when I clicked on a pop-up for $250 in free groceries) or Rated R or has Adult Content.
Either that of the IT guys love it as much as you do.
It’s the IT guys. Trust me.
She’ll put on a show!
Everyone will go!
Scotteh doesn’t know!
Scotteh doesn’t know!
Scotteh doesn’t know!
pffft. That joke was done YEARS ago!! (And still havent heard the song)
You’re so trusting.
The band is Lustra, just in case you’re interested. Good stuff, movie aside…
On other days, Mookie is a commenting organic.
The envelope is wrong. X-Rays will bend with enough gravity.
Incorrect. With enough gravity space-time will bend. X-Rays will follow a straight path through curved space.
With the right refractive medium, however, X-Rays will bend.
Yeah! But you’ll need a handy Black Hole to do it.
Without one the X-rays will just travel in a straight line at the Speed of Light. So why didn’t the sender just aim them where he/she wanted them and they would have gotten there 1,623,907% faster!
you need to see my bosses @rse
crap that’s boss’
I’d hate to find myself in a situation where I’d need to see your boss’s arse.
is that more than half?
X-RAYS Do Not Bend???
Obviously they do…..!
You beat me to it. The real FAIL here is that the postal worker didn’t write “Oh yes they do!” on the packet!
See … no one pays attention anymore.
So what did the postman bend? The letter or the rules?
The space-time continuum, of course.
“So are my bones broken?”
“No, sir, just bent.”
“…what?”
“Sir, have you ever eaten a very strange-looking fruit and had the urge to become a pirate?”
gomu, gomu, no ken…
I only ate One Piece, I swear!
The USPS defines “bend” to mean “cause to crease” – so, basically, they think “do not bend” actually means “do not fold”. Why the rest of the world disagrees with this is beyond me.
Your motives are transparent to us.
Is that clear enough for you?
Opaque him a visit and show him the light.
You may have to fly Translucent to reach him, I think he’s is Europe.
I see-through what you did there.
You’re my kind of woman, Ry. You’re likely to give me a pria-prism.
Careful there Christopher, she may conduct a double-slit experiment on you.
Awwww…. he’s beaming with joy at the prospect.
This blog is a sheer joy to me.
What a luminous comment, Dragon! I, too, love it here!
£υηçhþöχ!!!
Nice new threads. Sets of your limpid eyes.
Vielen Dank, schön! I just changed it again, we shall see how long it takes to show up..
Oh, wait, you’re probably already talking about the new one… duh. S’okay, I’m a little slow today. Homework overload…
I can email you your homework if that helps.
*sits up camcorder, smashes it to the floor* no use, no use, nobody will follow through
To not bend coins.
Shouldn’t it be failman?
Damn, beat me to it.
So, would this be Fail Mail, or Mail Fail?
Phale Male?
Pale Male airmail?
LOL(A)!
phallic male?
Shouldn’t this be funny?
No, it should be Failperson, you damn sexist…
Holy s**t he bend them!
Holy s**t you didn’t use the past tense!
Like Beckham.
He is a bender.
*goes on a bender* (takes McFail)
*goes on a bender with a blender and a delicious magarita and senorita*
Make sure your senorita isn’t a pretender with your bender and your blender.
You should send her in splendor to the vendor to tender payment.
After the bender, you’ll need a mender. I hope you didn’t damage your fender in the process!
Oh, and Dragon: No salt, no salt on the margarita!
Agggh, but thats the good thing, my senorita will get on a beneder and will let me pretend her to be anything I want and even with the blender *Hic, dang theeeeem rita’s is strong, Hic*
Careful, or you’ll get into a fender-bender, then won’t be a contender but a defender! Don’t shame your gender by having to surrender your license.
weeeeeeeee
( . )( . ) -> B00bz
. ->Actual size of Mike’s brain.
Being a little generous, aren’t you?
Well, everyone cant be smart o_O, anyway i never even had
english in school :/
What does that have to do with posting the above comment?
It was reply for my post way above, i clicked on wrong reply button..
First!
Yeah, you were first, but they used their black hole to bend time so that they could add comments before yours.
i think the real issue it why confidential medical documents are being sent by courrier
At least they didn’t get lost.
In the UK, millions of private details have been lost in the post by numerous ministries.
Don’t forget the ones who leave important discs and laptops on the tube.
Which reminds me…
*gets out disc marked ‘NHS PATIENTS – ESSEX COUNTY*
Why do you suppose these are confidential medical documents?
They could have X-rayed a potato from all we know!
At least I know of one that needed medical assistance after an unfortunate incident with a Vicar.
Oh, loufail, the nuns dropped this photo.
*shows*
*averts eyes*
*looks at photo and suddenly feels sick*
Why? WHY?
*dashes out of room, screaming*
Because the gerbil was hungry!
OMG. So wrong in so many different ways.
*ugh*
*tosses bottle of brain bleach to BFF as he leaves the room*
*gratefully washes brain*
Ah, nasty memory gone. Goney, goney, gone.
Why is that potato stuck up that man’s bum?
Because they couldn’t get the gerbil to come out to eat.
He cant survive on just corn!
Emmanuel Kant?
Who would name their gerbil Emmanuel?
Oh my god (pun intended)…
Seriously, has no-one heard of Emmanuel Kant?
I Kant think of a good reason why.
Yes, I’ve heard of him. I know that he was a real pissant,
who was very rarely stable.
But I couldn’t think of any connection to this thread!
Sapere aude
Amas Latin?
Eh man you all Kant fit a potato in there!
Admiral, your voice sounds a little Horace there. Anything I can do to help?
manus manum lavat
Acta non verba.
ubi mel ibi dracones
do ut des
pari passu
nos es ad idem
per unitatem libitum
vero, vos es rectus
cor ad cor loquitur, quippe
I heard the other day that the newest teenage rage
in England is “Bum Stuffing.” Poor Bums!
I thought it was still Happy Slapping.
Pin pin!
do you know how much it’s hurt to be bendt
No. I’m not even sure what action is taken to “bendt” something.
Yes! I Do Know how much it is hurt to be BENDT!
Bend over and I’ll show you bendt.
Bend over and I’ll show you a potato.
That’s what you get for hiring a half-wit. You pay peanuts you get monkeys who bend your mail.
Monkeys eat peanuts? Or do they use the peanuts to buy bananas from the elephant’s fruit stand?
My workmate’s neighbour had a monkey. It ate porridge and not bananas. We couldn’t figure out how it would obtain porridge in the wild.
And thus, the death of the retail sector. I don’t want to buy hardware from an idiot who doesn’t understand the difference between sheet metal and aluminum siding, thank you very much.
Really, you can’t make pizza out of aluminum siding.
Well, that’s what they said about rubber, too, but then school cafeterias came along…
I thought the aluminium option was the light-bite?
They always bend my mail that clearly says not to.
They hardly ever listen to the wishes of the letters.
They can’t all be post whisperers.
I think they call them mail murmurers…
Letter listeners?
Postal patter?
Gotta… bend… this… mail… to get it… to fit… on… your… porch…….
Actually, the post man didn’t bend it, he just put a rubber band on it, and the rubber band bent it… no one ever suspects the rubber band!
Postal Carriers are NOT BLIND!
Meaning: They are unable to see the word “NOT” when it is written or printed.
And the Pope is NOT catholic!
That’s right, he can give up cats anytime! So, definitely not a cataholic.
Family Guy quote WIN!
I think the postal carriers just play “Will it Bend?”.
Ow!
Remind me never to sleep with a letter carrier!
Never sleep with a letter carrier.
No Gasman jokes yet??
Don’t you DARE bring up that name again! When he returns, it will signal the end of civilisation!
Bend over and i’ll show….
arrrrgh, i can’t resist!!!!
*hide and cry*
*universe implodes*
Now what is there to do? No universe sucks, I’m bored…
Well…we could start by rebuilding the universe!
I’ve got a reliable sewing kit
BUT! Do you have any Nothing to build it out of?
I do!
*sticks hand inside paradox box*
Well, that’ll keep you busy and from having your Bum Stuffed all weekend.
Just make sure it looks exactly like the Original Universe you imploded earlier; not an atom out of place! NOT ONE!
And I want it all ready, proofed and turned in by Monday 6 AM. I can’t stand to go to work without a whole universe to gripe about!
Send me the blue prints for approval. But DO NOT BEND the blueprints!!!
Hmm….I think I’ll build this myself.
*Starts building protons and neutrons*
I should be finished by monday!
*places atom*
No blueprints…. Nothing remains! In fact you’re non-existent now, sorry!
Wait, then what am I do-
*disappears*
Well, at least there’s nothing left to worry about! We could party…
… IF we existed!
Oops. Hadn’t got this far down yet.
To be honest, the curve of the envelope wouldn’t affect reading the x-rays at all as the transparent film is quite flexible. It’s not really a fail. If there was a crease, then the x-ray film would be ruined. Think of large photo posters – they’re rolled up to protect them rather than folded. Are they ruined? Sorry, but this doesn’t work – NOT a fail.
I’ll bet you’re a bummer at work as well.
hee hee… “bummer”… like that vicar.
Nope! I don’t have to work now but have my own jewelry making business. Yes, I admit there’s times I’m sort of pedantic about details but my sense of humour is good. It tends to the Brit off-the-wall type – stuff that’s totally ridiculous or unexpected.
AND I’m hard to insult as I laugh at my own mistakes since I make lots of them!
Jujube?? You’re the candy equivalent of annoying. Why can’t you be fun and flexible, like Jujufruits? They are SO much better!
Because he’s like Debby Downer.
maybe…but I’ve definitely gotten an LP in the mail bent to fit in the mailbox before. That did not make me happy, especially since it was a limited edition that I got on ebay.
should have been called FAILMAN
*salutes*
*orchestra plays Schubert’s ‘the Funeral March’*
Cornish Pasties!
*gives talldud88 an extra “m” I had laying around.*
Cornish Pastimes!
Cornish Pixies
Freshly caught Cornish pixies!
Cornish Pixels?
Pixie Paste
Pixies wear pasties? I had no idea!
Come on! They’re just pixies!!
(Extra *smooch* for the HP reference.)
So, what is your favorite kind of wand?
Hardwood is always best.
Ollivander’s?
Honeylocust
There would be some seriously powerful magic in that…you teak my interest.
ok…there’s no way none of you have had one of these stupid car dealership advertisements that come in an envelope marked X-Rays!! I get at least one every other month, since when have you EVER seen actual x-rays sent through the mail?
I was just about to reply to state just that.
Yep, total junk mail.
Is it me or has the world stopped moving? WHY IS NO-ONE COMMENTING?!
*rave, rant*
I did! Go reply to my Kant Kwestion!
Where? WHERE?!
*rave rave, rant rant*
The gerbil thread! Look up. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up!
hee hee, gerbil… way up… hee hee
“Xrays do not bend.” Well, in fact, they do.
The mailman surely was a scientific and knew that X-rays CAN indeed be bent, so the envelope was FAILing!
Looks like a photo orientation fail to me.
Well, posters, it’s about time for me to punch out on the time clock and head on home for the weekend. Just wanted to let you all know what a hoot it is popping in every day to see the latest batch of comments. Coming here is like stumbling upon old friends at the corner bar. I may stop by over the weekend between putting up the lights and shopping. Stay cool!
Have a nice weekend. *waves*
*sets out some mulled wine and cookies*
*waves by* Seeya next week!
Tee hee. Failmail.
Or GFail. Your pick.
The questin remains : What was inside the envelope ?
Schrodinger’s cat?
Should Have been called “mail fail”…
This is what my mailman always does.
he couldn’t find the mailbox?
plus he left a perfectly good glass of clear kool-aid there on the stoop. what a dumb FAILMan
I thought they were bigger than that and had a pointy tail
Xrays are frequently sent in the mail. They’re not to be creased. rolling is a preferred method to fit large envelopes like that into your mailbox.
FAILMAIL?
Thier not real, the x-rays are made of plastic and for display only.
*Replaces thier with they’re*
I know that
X-Rays – Do Not Bend
Yes they do, see?
yes..agree..the envelope was fail not the mailman..
envelope + mailman=fail
poatman must’ve been spanish
I once had some 5 1/4″ disks (ask your parents) mailed to me. With stuff on.
The postman folded them in half to get them through the letterbox.
They still worked.
Also a win – mailman has proven that x-rays are in fact rather bendy indeed.
If the X-Rays were not to be bent then they would of put them in a cardboard envelpoe. Not a paper one. So now.
Holy sheep! You guys are crazy!
(By the way, I’m new here.)
Technically that isn’t a bend, its a roll. A bend causes a crease much like a fold. Still. Shoulda laid it flat under the mat.
I think those envelopes should be reworded to “Do not fold” …creases will cause damage, the film is quite flexible though and a bend like that will not cause harm…Staples/Office Depot Fail
lol… a Mailman failed me today too hahah
It is against the law to read someone elses mail….
Cup of water win.
*cough* *cough* failman *cough* *cough*
The caption should say “FAILMAN”
blame the doctor.