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Cheezburger Network Blog
First
So what?
Live Chicken butt?
well this egg is actually a nut
FIRST!
First fail.
I;m still a rockstar!
I’ve got my rock moves, and you’re a tool, so what?
And guess what? I’m having more fun, and now that we’re done, I’m gonna show you (that) tonight, I’m alright, I’m just fine, and you’re a tool, so what?
erm…line?
*sigh*
It’s amazing how quickly saying first can make you last in the thoughts of others…
It’s one surefire way to be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
So is being employee of the month
So is being first of the month
So is ‘that time of the month’ for the guy and the girl
* hands out the midol and Hershey’s bar*
*takes offering*
Thank you. I shall let you live another day.
what about welfare day?
Ignore them, i think u are awesome!
And I think “u” are illiterate!
so true..
He admits it xD
So why would you point out such a flaw in someone, is it to make him feel less of a person? How rude!
You smell funny!
You look funny!
You taste funny!
You sound funny!
You dress funny!
You feel funny!
You walk funny!
You masturbate funny!
You talk funny!
You film funny!
You type funny!
you ARE funny, like a clown.
Oooooh, yeah, talk funny to me.
*honks big, red nose*
that wasn’t my nose
That wasn’t her hand.
That’s hot.
That’s so wrong.
You’re telling ME!
Yes, he was tellling you, with his words.
You roller blade funny.
You watch movies funny.
You ARE funny!
no…wait….
And you’re ugly too.
Um, no. I’m not. *cries in corner*
*TAZE*
*TEASE*
*TASTE*
*TOUCH*
*TEACH*
*TAUNT*
*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!*
*Torques*
*Torments*
*Tortures*
*Terrorizes*
Sadly I think those lobsters are still alive. They may not be very alive but to sell a whole lobster they have to be alive or else they will go rancid. You can freeze and sell lobster tails but it if its whole you can’t do that either.
They’re just embarrassed to be in that predicament.
Wouldn’t you be embarrassed to be caught on film, wrapped in cellophane and selling yourself at such a cheap price?
In the red chitin district no less!
I was young and needed the money! I swear I shell never do it again.
We’ll let you whelk this time just watch your carapass from now on.
Will Santy Claws still visit me, even though I’ve been bad??
Wait! I’ve got a better plan
To catch this big red lobster man
We’ll pop him in a boiling pot
And when he’s done we’ll butter him up!
Kidnap the Santy Claws, throw him in a box
Bury him for 90 years, then see if he talks!
Oh, brother, you’re something
You put me in a spin
You aren’t comprehending
The position that you’re in
It’s hopeless, you’re finished
You haven’t got a prayer.
Life is a mystery.
Everyone must stand alone.
I hear you call my name.
and it feels like home.
Cuz I’m MR. Oogie Boogie
and you ain’t goin’ no-where!
How can those poor lobsters breath in those plastic wrappings?
It’s a new weight loss attempt, they look a little porky and are trying to sweat it off.
No, I think those are lobster condoms.
they must be pretty kinky if they need to wrap their entire bodies. i never knew lobsters had so much fun.
Well then, would you be interested in purchasing a set of Hasidic bedsheets?
Sure…. *opens package* Awww, mine are ripped…
There’s a hole in mine
hehe… mission completed!
Heh, that’s no ordinary hole, It’s a glory hole.
Hee! Hee! The please try to touch “no touch” without touching school of procreation.
*roffle!*
mmm waffles
Stop that. You’re making me hungry.
They still got nothing on potatoes.
I’ve never seen a potato with claws that big. *winces*
Well allow me to show you one. Vicar! Would you please turn around?
Yikes! Vicious Fish!
I’d rather experience that vicariously, theng-kew.
“Vicar, Vicar, I have done terrible things.” “Well, so have I.”
But Der Kommisar’s in town!
Uh oh!
hefty, hefty hefty!
wimpy, wimpy, wimpy!
lobster condoms are for their “heads”, not their entire bodies, silly.
They’re still in stasis from their travels all the way from planet Decapod 10.
Oh, they’ve encased him in carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Wookie the mess he’s in!
Never fear, I’ll rescue him solo-han-ded.
Ooh, luke at what you did thar!
These are not the live lobsters you are looking for.
…these are not the live lobsters we are looking for.
*blank stare*
…wait. What?
Oh! Yes they R2! D2 at the end will be mine for supper!
Use the fork, Luke. I mean, Bob.
Luke.. I am your lobster…
NOOOOO! You kenobi my lobster!!!
Obi Wan with the force!
Hmm these lobsters are a bit Chewie.
C, 3PO-verdone I think.
Still, they are so good I am going back to the Lando-Lobsters again tomorrow!
Saber the lobster flavor.
If you cook them too long, though, they get rubbery and make your Jawa hurt to chew them.
It’s better to stir-fry them in an eWok.
I have a tatooine of an ewok in the small of my back.
Lobsters, they are.
You ain’t just Yoda-ling dixie.
*sings* You Bespin me right round baby, right round like a deathstar baby right round round round.
Wow, you really Fett right into this thread, there Boba!
Jar Jar Jar, you so funny!
Stop eVadering the issue.
Wow, we’re punning up a storm(trooper) in here.
Leia off the alcohol so early people!
ahh.. just sith back and relax… alcohol is awesome… *hic*
Alcohol can lead to serious health risks, and cause things like cirrhosis, heart Palpatines and preggers.
One drink every now Anakin isn’t going to hurt anything.
*gives Crow a Wedge-y*
*grin*
*cries*
Leia off.. My stomach hurts!
What a Biggs help you are. Now I’m not gonna walk right for days.
*wink*
Hey…did you just Padme on the ass??
*bigger grin*
Watto you talking about? That wasn’t me, you can’t prove anything!!
*snicker*
And jedi saw you do it with my own eyes!
*noogie*
Just don’t tell admiral, I Windu want him to get angry with me.
*chuckles*
Amedda second here, I felt a great disturbance as if millions of crows suddenly cried out in protest from wedgies and were suddenly silenced by noogies.
Dooku think crow is okay???
It’s a General(y) Grevious wound.
You have Thrawn a Fett?
I think I may have broke my Ackbar.
oh god….I’m gonna hafta adopt a skwerll
You should have bought a squirrel!!
/random film reference
RAT RACE! I used to love that movie.
And now? Did you reject the movie or did it reject you? Did you remain friends or did you just move on to another movie?
Other people started seeing it. There were some awkward moments, I won’t lie to you, but we can at least be in the same room now.
You can RENT ME for parties!
Skwerlly Em and I have a Live Sex Show we perform!
…
My brain will never recover from this.
Even if I go into intensive therapy.
See ya there
Look on the bright side there noodle!
You won’t be accountable for your actions anymore AND and they have the 253
Color Crayon Deluxe Set with the Built-In Sharpener and lots of Rocky and
Bullwinkle Coloring Books for you at your new home.
Hi Bob! Did I hear you mention something about our live sex show?
YES, when you want do it?
I’m good for right now. Let’s meet at the dean’s window ledge, and be sure to bring your nuts!
NO WAY!
The 253 Color Crayon DeluX set with Built-In Sharpener AND coloring books!!!
I am so there!
They’re stacked in leia’s.
Saber the lobsters! Saber the whales!
The “wrappings” are filled with water. It’s newest version of the Portable Aquarium! You mean to tell me you don’t have one, Fluffy?
It’s okay Fluffy. They’re only mostly dead.
95% dead. That’s more than half.
And they’re saying, “To blave”, which everyone knows means “to bluff”!
Card cheating lobsters!
Schrodingers lobsters? But I can see them right there…
That’s just because you’re in the box with them.
Hmm… so I guess the question is whether or not the lobsters and I are alive, dead, or zombies.
Or vampires.
I think I just creeped my self out! Vampire lobsters!
I’ll get the chocolate covered nuts, Wesley.
*humperdinkhumperdinkhumperdink!!!* lol
Get me to Miracle Max! He brought the man in black back from mostly dead, too!
Who’s opening for the live Lobsters?
The Crabs!
Blue Oyster Cult
Tuna Turner.
Pike Turner.
The B52s, of course!
Down, Down.
♬ Down, down, down, down…dooobie-doobie down, down down down down….dooobie doooobie down… ♬
Break shells is haaaard toooo do.
Don’t take my biiiib away from me!
Girl unwound, her problems compound
Down down doobie down down…
No – that’s the Rock Lobsters. It is obvious that the Live Lobster’s opening band is the Grateful Dead!
Or maybe Phish
The Huge Rubber Band is on 1st.
Then, when they’re off
The Claws can play
Seal, of course.
you remain the light on the dark side of me
HI!
*hug*
*squeeeeeeze!*
looong stressful day, mmm bed
*rings bell*
Hee! My Pavlovian response only kicks in when the Admiral does that…sowwy!
*smooch*
There is so much a man can tell you, so much he can say
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain
To me you’re like a growing addiction I can’t deny
Won’t you tell me that’s healthy, baby?
Don’t fear the steamer?
Needs more… uh… krill bell?
That may be the only thing to cure their fever. Or, you know, to turn the burner off.
I have a fever…
and the only prescription is live lobsters!
You have a fever for the flavor of a… crustacean? Not such a good jingle, that.
You seem to know your Arthropods!
Great avatar. Black is the new black.
Dead lobsters are the new live lobsters. If I saw a lobster that wasn’t dead I’d be like “get with the times!!”
Times?
I prefer the Post!
Post? I prefer talking to you, Skwerlly Bob. *Swoon*
May I call you Robert, or Rob, or Robbie? Or Bobert? Or Bobby? Or is there another nickname you prefer… if you catch my drift
I Seattle. Do feel more Intellegencer for reading the Post?
I lol’d. Barbel? Diving bell? Meh.
A Flock of Seagulls
They can’t make it, on account of their having ran, ran so far away.
Cracker?
The Red Stripes, maybe?
Yum. Red Stripe! Me tan so back.
Its a rough life…….The life of a prepackaged live lobster. “sigh”
It’s a lobster’s life in the modern army!
These lobsters have lived to sell the tail.
And they will die for a just claws.
I imagine people will shell out good money for those lobsters.
People will shell out a pretty penny for their story.
Hehe… great minds think alike, no?
they will end up like all other celebrities and get Trapped by their famous
That’s pretty much what it boils down to!
I bisque your pardon?
Chowder you feeling today Fluffy?
Is a fish fork three-prawned or four?
*scampis in*
Hi all!
*trouts out*
*Flounders about, thinking of something clamver to say.
Where Have All The Flounders Gone?
They skate(d) past you a minute ago.
They do wonderful imitations…
It wasn’t a sale
It was a rock lobster !
Watch out for that piranha!
Red snappers snappin’
Clam shells clappin’
Crying cockles and lobsters, alive, alive-O!
Alive, alive-O! alive, alive-O!
Crying cockles and lobsters, alive, alive-O!
Thank you for that. *grumble*
Muscles flexin’
Flippers flippin’
We were at the beach… everybody had matching towels…
Twistin’ round the fire…havin’ fun
Bakin’ potatoes…until the priest came along and “fell” on one.
you know, you really should chew more if they’re getting stuck like that….
awesome song lyrics win…
i’m laughing to the point of crying here.
Good thing they put the rubber bands on their claws, don’t want to get pinched!
That’s what she sai… ah, hell. Nevermind.
Hell said what?
Third base!
Eleventytwoth! *with Skwirlly Bob*
it is SkwErlly HHNF… and i’m confused; Eleventytwoth?
I’m sorry for Misspelling your name
*gives peanuts to appease the pointy-tooth skwerlly gods*
eleventy + two
Only Premium Fresh Roasted Shelled Walnut and Pecan Halves accepted.
*builds altar*
*roasts Premium Shelled Walnuts and Pecans and some Chestnuts on an open fire*
Damn! That’s a good price..
Hint: lobsters only turn red after they’re cooked.
Hint: Lobsters only turn blue when thier cold
Hint: Lobsters only turn black after they’re burnt.
Hint: Lobsters only turn green when they’re diseased.
Hint: Lobsters only turn purple with orange poko dots when they’ve been hand painted.
Or, if you have dropped dots of your own.
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude…..
To everything… turn, turn, turn….
There is a season . . .turn, turn, turn
Hint: :Lobsters don’t necessarily turn gay because of bad heterosexual relationships. Sometimes it’s simply genetic.
Hint: Lobsters only turn yellow when they’re jaundiced.
Hint: Lobsters only turn white when you facialize them.
Hint: You should be embarrassed that you didn’t notice that this has already been alluded to up there. ^^
Hint: Posters only turn red when they are embarrassed.
Hint: Goldfish only turn left when they want to.
Damn Liberal…Liberal Goldfish
Apply a liberal amount of Goldfish to your hair. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
Hey everyone, I’m back!
I know everybody missed me!
Zurack! *hugs*
lol thats not a moomin
BETTER not be…!
Sorry for seeming like the naive dunce that I am, but what exactly is a moomin? I searched for it in the FAIL bar, but nothing came up. Is it just Mikey’s avatar’s big nose thing? I’m just wondering, because I’d like to squeeze the moomin sometime soon.
PS: Sorry for the lack of accent symbols over “naive”, I don’t know how to do those. Well, I might be able to find out, but I don’t want to. I’m lazy. It runs in my family.
Google Moomin. They’re really cute.
Ethel Moomin.
Moomin Pearle.
Yeah, how could we forget whatshisname!
Oh! It’s you, whatsyourname!
I knew you guys wouldn’t forget me!
Yay!
*PUSHES RED BUTTON*
Uh OH!
*Scampers Away!*
You pushed the FART button!
It’s not a button! It’s a red cube! A CUBE!
*pushes the red fart cube*
*PLBLBLBLBLTTTLTLTBLBLTL*
Ew!
*scampers MUCH further away*
Ew! Ew!
*scampers MUCH further away*
*goes to stand by skwerlly*
Yikes…o_O
Whoa! It sounds like someone sure pushed your button.
….with these short-range shotguns, yes, we missed you
Welcome back! *hugs* Where’d you go?
Hello! I came back from hell.
I must say it’s quite unpleasant there.
Hey, I am not that unpleasant! ….Only when I’m awake and such
Funny…most men spend their adult lives trying to get INTO “hell”.
(not Hell…I didn’t mean you personally, HHNF!)
I used to raise hell just for the hell of it, and never worried there might be hell to pay for it. By the way has anyone seen my bukkit?
Why, what did you do, Marius?
I completely garbled the first attempt on the comment above you. It seems that either my browser saved me or failblog is saving the post for later.
Come hell or high water, there’s always a reckoning to pay.
The hell you say! That’s a hell of a story.
The hell of it is I don’t know what in the hell I’m doing up this late.
It IS hellaciously late.
*goes to bed*
Call me when you fall back asleep. I’ll do lunch.
Yep’ they’re live.
Live, killed and cooked.
Well they WERE alive before they were boiled (or steamed) and then packaged
I was the first to post on this thread!
Actually Will was.
So, you’re a Troll.
Sorry, no one cares.
oooohhh, I sea what you dead there.
Ah, that was very asstute.
Hell yeah!
Oh I agree with you
Losers will keep doing it though
Eventually they will leave.
…I see what u did thar.
No no they’re just resting
Holding their breath.
So THAT’S the lobster farm that my mom took my pet lobster to when I was little!
WHAT?! So my parents didn’t take Srgt. Fluffanpuff Bunroo to the farm, but rather to turn into a lobmonster wrapped in latex for a lobmonster sex partay?!
*goes to therapy*
That’s so weird; I named my lobster the EXACT SAME THING!
*cue “Twilight Zone” music*
NO WAY! THIS IS SUCH A WEIRD COINCIDENCE I CAN NOT EVEN BELIEVE IT.
I MEAN IT IS SO WEIRD AND IMPROBABLE AS TO BE FANTASTIC.
SIMPLY INCREDIBLE.
ASTOUNDING.
WHY AM I SHOUTING?
BECAUSE THIS IS SO AMAZINGLY FREAKILY COINCIDENTAL.
I love the Twilight Zone!
Now you’re just being strange.
I know a dead lobster when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.
It’s stone dead. It’s definitely deceased. You nailed it there. It’s bleeding demised, it’s passed on, it’s no more, it has ceased to be, it’s expired and has gone to meet it’s maker, this is a late lobster, it’s a stiff, bereft of life, it rests in peace, it’s pushing up daisies, it’s brought down the curtain and has joined the choir invisible, this is an ex-lobster!
WIN!!!
No it isn’t.
Lobster is a heart stoppage, closed up throat, lung failure for me.
Barley does it for me. Beer-drinking FAIL
Fish. Fish with scales, for me. Shellfish, I’m fine with. Weird, eh?
We just found out my younger daughter is allergic to cranberries. For years the poor kid has been drinking cranberry juice for UT health issues caused in part by allergies.
Now that’s ironic. And I’m sorry. Poor kid.
Which makes you a cheap date. What are you doing for New Years?
Go ahead and just ask the jackpot question in advance why don’t you?
Virgins: they’re so easy to spot.
No, no, no, ‘e’s just restin’! ‘E’s pinin’ for the steppes! Marvelous crustacean, the Russian Red, idn’t it? Beautiful carapace!
I thought he was pinin for the fjords lol
It’s “live” meaning it’s actually happening right now. Not pre-recorded. You’re actually looking at dead lobsters right now IN PERSON
HOLY COW COOL IT’S LIeK HAPPENIN RIEGTH NAOW!!!
ONE person knew what I meant
Congratulations
Haha
You guys are funnier then the pics you talk about
Hey! Looks aren’t everything!
*stands in front of mirror-”I am a beautiful woman-no matter how funny I look*
‘Cuz you’re good enough…you’re smart enough…
Every day and in every way Hell’s getting better and better.
You know, normally I’m not attracted to symmetrical fractal patterns, but there’s something about you….
*takes random unnecessary punctuation away from HHNF, and gives him a comma
Well, now I have two – and a ” in my collection *hoards*
HHNF isn’t a him… He’s a her…
… and she’s good enough, smart enough…
and fury enough
Hell, yeah!
*slowly approaches Xentaros’ “then”*
*grabs the golden ‘e’ and quickly replaces it with the bag of ‘a’*
Umm… sleeping?
I guess McDonald’s is selling live cows now. Big Mac, anyone?
Giraffas > McDonald’s
No Big Mac for me!
So a Long Mac then? Sounds kinky.
Live Pasta, right here.
LAST.
I’m not giving you the satisfaction.
*high five*
*Stares disdainfully at upturned hand asking for high five*
It’s the noodle doodle high five!
…thats what she said
So what you’re saying is Disturbed can’t get no satisfaction?
Live spaghetti, right here!
It’s the “while supplies last” that gets me. So once they suffocate, the sale is over?
No wait! It’s like how The Rolling Stones are considered “live”. There’s a necromancer hiding somewhere!
It’s almost an all-out AARP endorsement anymore.
It was live when we cooked it …
In Japan, they actually sell them like that. They’re in styrofoam and plastic and still twitching. They probably throw them out at the end of every day or somehting, but they are alive for the moment.
Sorry, everyone–I’ve skimmed the comments and don’t see any reference to this.
It potentially real. There was a supermarket (Raley’s) actually packing live lobsters in plastic like this. They stopped after people protested it, but that might be what this picture is from.
http://blog.peta.org/archives/2007/01/victory_raleys_1.php
those live lobsters are really looking great !!!
=)))
Hurry! We have to save the live lobsters NOW!
you all suck like hell f’n loses
haha it must be still alive in all that wrapping
No, lobsters are only red like that after they’re boiled. Obviously, boiled=dead.