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Now ain`t this some strange coincidence…what did come out..ass fries?
OK, ok, can we say excuse fail? I mean, which is more perverse here? If, and I mean IF his story is true, it would mean he was standing, naked in his window, facing the outside world, possibly on a chair or a stool while hanging curtains in his kitchen?
Maybe he is an inventor on the side and was coming up with a new version of a potato gun for the holidays.
but where did the potato come from?
his kitchen table?
or did he stuff it up his ass? o_0
You never feel enlightened until you wave your junk at the neighbors walking to Preschool
Every time I run across a story like this on a website somewhere, or on the news, the “victim” ALWAYS says he fell on it. Potato, cell phone, doesn’t matter–they always fell on it.
Apparently there is a group of extremely klutzy men out there with extremely loose sphincters.
Yup, that was my first thought. And mental image. >.>
It could be shower curtains.
Give the guy a break! All he was doing was doing some household chores, when suddenly, he fell on a stack of items so precicely that they all got lodged up there simultaneously, causing the poor man great suffering.
and ass-burgers
I feel proud knowing I come from the same town as this guy. Oh dear =P
rofl has anyone read whats under it?
” others include a can of deodarant, a CUCUMBER, “
Buttplug gets a whole new meaning.
Hrm. New? What was the meaning before? D:
Well, it definately didn’t involve a potato…
Was this an Irish potato butt plug, new potato butt plug, or Idaho potato butt plug?
Entrance/Not an Entrance FAIL
Oh, you’re good.
*golf clap* Very good!
*Shoves fluffy the fish up the vicars bottom*
*ties up Jurgen and stuffs him/her in a container marked “to be FOOOOOMMED!!!“* No stuffing fluffy anywhere unless she says she likes it.
Seriously. Well played, sir. Well Played.
Bravo!
Before it used to mean something you stuck up your butt.
I think maybe “stuffed potato” is the term that has been redefined.
“Catholic Priest” seems to stay relatively static though.
Power conduit connected to the….
Buttspud?
a hole new meaning?
Buttato
PRIZE!
Best New Funny Word in a week or two!
no, “buttato” is the most total win entry…
Yes, and as your reward, you get a buttato! Aren’t you a lucky one!
OMG, roffle.
Or how about, pootato?
I thought those were called hash browns.
Hmm, proof there are varying degrees of vegetarians, no?
The vicar didn’t use enough of degrees.
It was debrief moment of weakness that got him in the end.
I didn’t know you needed a degree to be a vegetarian. Man, you can specialize in anything these days, can’t you?
Hmmm, he was trying to eat it. You can’t blame him for testing a theory. I’m not sure it makes him a vegetarian though.
Homo fries.
Fistounia.
Palmme Frite
Pootine.
buttspud?
FTW bravo!!!
Using the Baby Jesus buttplug would have been sacrilege. He is a pious man afterall.
AWSOME
:V
D:
:L
THIRD!!! I once fell on a Mr. Potato Head…
And now you are one?
Fly away to Uncyclopedia, little Roger, be free…
we’ll see if his wife “falls on” another vicar.
It would be funny if because of his excuse (hanging curtains naked) he would be arrested for exhibitionism.
wow, just wow
There were many storys to this case though….
Every nurse had a different story XD
My favourite:
A man had a bottle of ketchup stuck up his arse. He claimed he’d fallen backwards onto his newly-purchased shopping. The doctors wrote all this on his notes, then added “the story would be more believable if Tesco sold bottles of ketchup with condoms attached”.
What remains to be known is if the man tried to avoid any ketchup STD or if he thank that there was a risk of getting pregnant from a condiment.
Wow, nice past tense.
Lou can afford it.
But i’ll be watching you, mister!
*does the hand-to-eyes gesture*
I thought condiments were supposed to prevent pregnancy.
Exactly, I encourage you to keep using Windex for that purpose.
What do you mean? That happens to me on a daily basis…
Which of course is so ironic, because the *Safeway* is the place people go to get their bottles of ketchup with pre-attached condoms. Sheesh, what a blunder!
Haha, so that’s why my mother never shops at Safeway…
Also that’s why I do shop at Safeway
win!
Great fail. I laughed out loud.
Don’t you just hate it when you are hanging up curtains, nude due to the temperature and you fall backwards on the kitchen table, getting a potato stuck in your bottom because you were about to make some nice potato soup.
Happens all the time.
Happened to me just now, actually. Er, could someone phone for an ambulance. please?
You do not need a doctor. You just need a hungry gerbil who likes potatoes.
WIN!
Armegeddon!
No Ambulance iis needed! Just cram a potato masher up after it and bounce around the kitchen like Tigger for a while. Viola, chocolate mashed potatoes!
No, thank you!
WIN, exactly what I was thinking
i just thought it was suss that he “insisted” he wasn’t playing a sex game…
…think about it…
I imagine he got asked about it several times. Seriously, a potato? What else would they think?
He used a potato instead of a zucchini so they wouldn’t think he was playing a sex game. I mean, really. Who uses a potato?
Someone who expects a robber with mushrooms?
…wonder if the Vicar’s dog is okay
I was wondering about that myself. Who looks at a potatoe and thinks, “You know, I bet …”
You have to wonder if he sounds like Gollum when he sees sweet potatoes in the produce section “my precious”.
Cradling it next to his face, then looking to either side making sure the coast is clear before engaging in … intimate acts?
“Methinks doth protest too much?”
doctor: “why were you nude?”
victom: “It wasnt a sex game!”
The clergyman insisted that the did not eat the mushrooms and that he did not know the dead dog.
Later on he denied his ownership of the pr0n videotape: “I only have movies about curtain hanging, my favorite hobby”.
Euphemism of the day: “hanging the curtains”.
Ha! That’s a keeper.
Alliteration of the day: potato patootie.
Simile of the day: As awkward as a potato up your butt.
Sentence of the day: You can’t have a potato up your arse and eat it too.
Hint of the day: always wear your pants while hanging curtains.
Insistence of the day: I was not playing sex games with that potato.
Fact of the day: This thread is so gay
troll of the day: yen
Yay I won! Do I get a prize?
…A potato?! Aww man, what am I going to do with a potato…?
I have a suggestion.
Suggestion of the day: ^
Vedgetable of the day: potato wedges
crap *headbukkit*
If you are Indian, it makes sense but is pronounced Wedgetabull.
Double entendre of the day: a spud in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A spud in the butt is worth… uhhh.. something.
But the spud wasn’t in the bush, it was in his ASS.
“I did not have sexual relations with that potato.”
Yet you have potato stains on your dress… which for whatever reason you refused to wash…
This kind of made me vomit a little…
mmm, yeah, i usually have trouble keeping it down during my sex-games too
Can’t spell vicarious without vicar.
Actually, I think they did that on an episode of South Park.
This underlines the importance of washing your veg before consumption.
And only eating meat at the vicarage.
What kind of meat?
I dunno if I’d trust the vicarage’s kielbasa.
It’s not so much Vicar Fail, more believable excuse fail.
fortunately it wasnt a cucumber
If it was a cucumber, he’d be able to pull the thing our himself.
nice new way to make mashed potatoes imho
The mashed potatoes were only a side. He was going to serve them with his rump roast.
I thought he was serving pork butt.
It’s more like he got served.
If it’s a sexy nurse trying to remove the potato; it’s a WIN.
Not even close.
Yeah, that’s a good one… the one chance you’re going to meet a sexy nurse, she’s shaving your butt before an intervention to remove a tuber from your poophole.
sounds erotic to me
If she’s incompetent, then yes. It’s easy. Give him painkillers, pump a tube of lube up his ass, and then let him push really hard. To pain, no damage, no problem.
Or just use a large speculum and a long corkscrew.
Sex n00bs.
She? I think if you’re in the hospital for having a potato up your butt, chances are you would prefer a male nurse.
Not if you are a woman. But then, the chances of having a potato up the butt become very slim. We tend to think about consequences and avoid doing things that might be THAT embarrassing.
Yes, that was a gross generalization. Get over it.
Definatelly not a sex game. I mean he’d have used a carrot or something similar. Even women don’t use potatoes.
How d´ya know? Maybe the carrot was too sharp
“even women” ??? Like women are prone to abuse vegetables?
Well…
but they do use fists, which are roughly the same shape and size
This might shock you, but not all women like to be fisted. Just as not all men like to be fisted.
Also, to say a hand and a potato are “roughly the same shape and size”… er… what does that even mean?
Don’t worry, Egg, I understand your confusion. He means if you are looking at a deformed, oblong hand after you’ve had a few hits coupled with 3-4 drinks, depending on your weight of course, a potato will have a disconcerting similarity to a fist. It’s all in the details, my friend.
Oh, you’re right! If you remove all the details, it does look like a potato! Awesome!
If you tilt your head to the right, squint your eyes and turn off the lights. . .yeah they look the same.
My fist resembles a potato I carved to look like my fist. I don’t know what problem you all have with this.
ORLY?
YA RLY
NO WAI.
YEA WAI! IS THIS A WIN OR FAIL?
Who are we to judge?
If they love each other it’s fine by me, and i wish them all the best.
Let’s hear potato’s story first. Maybe we are facing a vegie-harassment situation here.
The poice have been called in to investigate. They have vowed to get to the root of this matter.
The main witness, the carrot, must appear in court today.
The vicar told the cops to beet it
by “beet it” do you mean “leave” or “help me finish my potato-sex-game”??
Anyone else have the feeling that he (the carrot) might turnip missing?
LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!
That wouldn’t be that hard tuberlieve.
I yam afraid the carrot may have had a run in with a par(of)snips.
Lettuce leaf this to the officials to decide.
carrot they all just live in peas?
The detectives said they have their eyes on a witness and are trying to corn(er) him now.
I think there may be leeks in the story, though.
There had not bean many cases like this before
Maybe he did a runner (bean.)
He barley made it out the door in time.
Now he’s on the yam.
They should have used pepper spray instead of a taser to subdue him.
“Don’t spray me bro”?
I’d rather rut(in)abaga rusty nails than be associated with this guy.
We should move on to see if EGGplants any more pun-runs>
Butter bea(n) good one.
I’m so glad you’re not parsnipmonious with your praise, Marius!
Yay! Two Dragons for the price of one!
*SQUEEZE*
*Runs off while they disentangle*
Cumsquat?
Well, Idaho about all that, but the poor virgin potato was put in a quite eyeful situation from which he could not extract himself without being hairy assed.
Holy potato!
ummm, hole+potato…
that works…
…rofl
You say Potato, I say……. Potato.
you say potato, i say potahto, you say tomato i say we are 2 goons talking about vegetables
Well, technically, a tomato is a fruit.
*Tips 5 gallon hat, walks away whistling*
I hope they don’t charge the potato!
This is similar to the story of the altar boy that fell repeatedly on a vicar! He kept falling down as he tried to get up…and they charged the vicar! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO!
Anyone else getting the gayCHUBBYdating ad? O_O
maybe they’re hacking my internet history and just catering to my demographic
It’s not a fail, it’s a fall. Good aiming, nevertheless. And: a vicar is not allowed to lie, so please, believe him, or from now on, I don’t believe nobody, never.
It’s not the vicar’s fault, that potato was eying him all night.
Dirty rotten potato!
Oh, I see. Just because the potato was dressed all seductively, it was all its fault. It had it coming, right?
So you recommend believing everybody?
DOUBLE NEGATION FAIL, BITCH!
I accidentally the whole potato. What should I do?
Include verbs
Aye Aye, Captain!
maybe they’re hacking my internet history and just catering to my demographic
ummm, what is up with that??
i replied to the one up there ^^^^^^^
Maybe add some verbs, for the beginning…
Understanding the joke fail. Try again.
Make sure they’re action verbs…
i can’t help butt believe him!
But was the potato peeled?
WHAT? Bareback? Nonono, always always make sure your vegetables wear protection, or you could catch potato famine!
Moreover… was the potato lubed?
Probably not, but you know, sometimes you just can’t wait for the lube…
mmmm, potato
I wonder if deep in its starchy mass, the potato was thinking ‘mmmm, vicar’
lol that’d be the day
wait… WTF does that even mean?!?!
In Soviet Russia, potato seduces you!
there’s always time for lube!
sour cream with your potato, sir?
….and shaped?
Truthiness fail?
i wish i could see the rest of the article…but theres a big, red, bold “FAIL” in the way.
Sorry about that, but there was nowhere else to put the FAIL. Here’s the full article: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3330057/Vicar-went-to-hospital-with-potato-stuck-in-bottom.html
Lol. They always say they “fell”. Loser.
Potatoes are easy to get out. But try squeezing out a 10 inch dildo with a diameter of 2 inch. Oh, and don’t ask the doctors. They have no idea how to handle this. Take a large painkiller, tons of lubricant (put it inside you ass), and push hard.
There’s nothing bad in liking it up the butt. It does *not* mean you’re gay. It only means you have a prostate, which is an erogenous zone. And 25% of all men like this stimulation. So stand by it. Additionally, your girlfriend will be much more open to butt sex too, and you will be much better because of the experience.
(If your “girlfriend” is a boy, you are gay tough.
*scootch*
*Loz’s anecdote of the day*
Dildos are usually measured by length and circumference, not diameter.
*whistles, walks off*
Maybe barefoot custom-orders his dildos.
“Oh, and don’t ask the doctors. They have no idea how to handle this.”
Yeah, it’s better to try to get it out yourself, screw your rectum, have an infection and go THEN to the hospital. If you’ve waited long enough, you can even get what my friends call an “ass-blast”!
Ummm…who are these friends and what exactly does an “ass blast” consist of?
I’m curious as to what this is as well. But too gun-shy to dare google it. My poor antivirus software is working overtime as it is.
And while it may not mean that you’re gay, it is certainly an indicator.
I was once called to a patient who had shoved a mango (!) up his rectum. The mango had been put in a plastic bag, with the handles of the bag sticking out of his anus, thus ensuring a firm grip on it in order to retrieve the mango. He had done it numerous times, without fail. This time however, when his wife (!) had tried to pull the bag out, it had torn. When I was fruitlessly (!) trying to pry the thing from his rectum, he kindly invited me to put my whole hand up his pooper, he didn’t mind.
Eventually, he had to be operated.
I hope they gave you combat pay for that one.
You a doc, nurse or emt? Or just kinky?
Maybe just a helpfull neighbour?
A little to helpfull…
Just a doc.
A lot of opportunities for kink come with the job though.
Just a doc.
A lot of opportunities for kink come with the job though.
Dammit, all my witty comments disappear ! Now let’s see if this one makes it through.
Just a doc.
A lot of opportunities for kink just come with the job though.
I’m curious as to how they ultimately decided that the mango was the perfect fruit for this method of … frottage.
It would never work for me, I am deathly allergic to mangoes. Glad I am not married to this guy.
I also am insanely allergic to mangoes! I have to say that I hope I never MEET this guy.
The fact that you two have no desire to meet this guy has nothing to do with mangos, does it?
That would be correct sir.
Not a single thing to do with mangoes!!
But if he likes mango, maybe he likes tango
Mangoes are evil!
*LOVES mangoes*
(Psst, Avis, I just read your latest blog post. I roffled and cringed for you!)
*shudders*
Eventually you have to laugh at the things that happen. You have to.
Because otherwise you’d cry.
mango ze tango
Shoulda double-bagged it.
How…um….loose would this guy have to be to be able to fall on a potato and have it just slide on in there?
(Assuming we are to believe his story..)
Is it wrong that I just re-read my own comment and giggled a little at the use of the word ASSuming?
yes, u should burn in hell
unfortunately hell does not exist, it is just a construct created by the churches to try and jib us out of even more money
Nonsense; Hell is a place on Earth. They just had to change the real name so that people wouldn’t be scared away from going to mass every Sunday.
Hell is a town in Michigan. Coincidently, it freezes over every year.
Hell is King Edward Public School.
Hell is a place in Norway. Rather cool, actually.
I assure you, I did too.
The vicar deserves every assault on his dignity we can muster.
Having logged on so late, I’m playing ketchup, but I’m sure plenty more assaults on the vicar’s dignity will be mustard.
Not too loose, if the potato was well-lubed.
maybe it was justa small potato?
Given that this took place in Sheffield, chances are the potato was wet after rain. And as those intrepid scientists Bon Jovi explain, things are slippery when wet. This explains the ease of insertion and vindicates the vicar.
LOOK! MIKEY, OVER THERE!!
*squeeeeeeeeeezes the Moomin*
*gets is rocket ship and blasts off to explore the rest of the universe*
I blame it on the ladderless curtain hanging.
The only fail here is by the idiot who wrote “fail” over most of the article.
Must’ve been one of those fingerling potatoes.
A few of them and some string and he has a nice vegetarian set of anal beads.
LOL! And here I’ve been using the garlic clove necklace…
At least your farts will keep vampires away.
I can’t read the whole text because some plonker wrote “FAIL” in big red letters in the way.
Here’s a link to the full article. (click my name).
I like the part about the Russian doll.
Nice (non-field) investigation work, Mookie.
Now you are ready to fight fun-less trolls.
And boy howdy, they’re out in force today!
I love how the innuendo machine decided to remain shut down today.
It’s in for repairs!
Lol, “But our staff deal with them in a discreet way”. And then we tell the media about them.
My favorite part of the article…”But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way.” — Yeah, like publishing it in the bloody newspaper!!
Guess EGG and I = GMTA!!
The comments on this one are fantastic. You people are so twisted. I think we can wring a couple more puns out, though. Lettuce try.
P.S. Why the heck is it news that a vicar put a potato in his butt? Give the man some privacy.
His new curtains should be sufficent privacy.
well i fall every morning on a water melon when i hang up my curtains naked…
Yeah, right.. Changing curtains, naked, just standing still, then for some reason he slips, but he doesn’t actually slip, he shoots up in the air like a friggin` rocket and lands on a tall table where for some reason there is a single potato. Then, instead of just squeashing it, his ass opens and it ends completely intact into the hole…
Riiiiight… perv.
I hope they get to the bottom of this…
Does this make the vicar a tuba player?
BONUS!
You alone have revealed the error in the (helps prove Brits don’t know about food) article:
Potatoes ,vegetables are not!
I wonder that he had to have surgery to remove it. What a moron. If you’re going to be sticking things up your ass, be sure you can get them out!
And lock doors.
I fell on a potato and it got stuck on my penis. I became a dictator.
omg i soo should not lol at that… mmph… hrrrrrg… LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
You sound like you speak from experience.
I love how the apparent pros on this thread scoff at the vicar’s apparent rookie mistakes. Like they’re thinking that they’ve forgotten more about putting exotic things up their asses then we’ll ever know.
Oh, he’s not strange. He just wants to live his life that way.
I wonder if he was wearing a tutu while hanging the curtains?
I love vicars – they truly are one of Great Britain’s most enduring comedy creations. Make me proud to be a Son of Empire. Pip pip!
Similar story from my friend who is a nurse. An old lady came in with a cucumber in her ass – said she was gardening naked. Funny part is, when they took it out, the cucumber was already peeled.
Maybe she had a similar accident in the kitchen with a potato peeler.
THAT”S the funny part?
Tight, was she?
Am I the only one who will mention Morrissey?
Come on! He wore a Tutu and now has a potato…
We had a man come into the hospital with a shampoo bottle in his rear. Same case…said he fell on it, but somewhere in the process of him slipping onto the bottle, a condom jumped on top of it. Sadly, this stuff happens all the time.
Who puts a CONDOM on a BOTTLE?
That makes it even more of a Fail. Really.
*sigh* So they went from molesting boys to molesting vegetables…
Does it make me a bad person if I say I prefer vegetable trauma to little boy trauma?
Always remember:
Always remember:
When you use a tuber
Be sure to lube ‘er!
*insert alter boy abuse joke here*
Did anyone notice that the funniest part of it is underneath of the ‘FAIL’? He had a laundry list of things crammed in his anus…
doctor:”why were you nude?”
victom:”It wasn’t a sex game!”
This is news to me because I had no idea that people put potatoes up their butt. A POTATO!!! Jeezus that is so wrong. I guess it is better than a gerbil or a hamster.
this is alright….I hang curtains naked all the time….
“But the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity.”
Awesome reference.
“It was a one in a million chance doc! One in a million!”
this has happened before with a model of Jerry Seinfeld made of Fusilli
Fellow members of the clergy:
Headlines have recently portrayed an incident involving myself and I’d like to clear it up. I had just emerged from a shower, during which, I was meditating on the reasons why bad things happen to good people. Whilst drying myself, I glanced out my bathroom door to see the curtains in my were askew. I had to fix it immediately so I took a brisk walk to the kitchen, grabbed a screwdriver and climbed atop the counter. Having not dried myself completely, my feet slipped out from under me and I fell to the table below, upon which sat my dinner for the evening which was to be microwaved: a potato. I happened to have forgotten to rinse my rear crevice and, due to that, it was slicked to the degree in which any large object could be placed without effort. Upon falling with such great force, God, in His infinite wisdom, placed the potato directly in the path of my frictionless backside. The potato was then lodged in my rectum. Being frighten, I clenched my rectum thus preventing it’s effortless exit from my bowels. I then went to the hospital where the staff, using their imagination that has been perverted by access to the internet, constructed a scenario in which I was participating in a sex game. This, as you can clearly tell from my explanation, is false. I hope this clears my name of any false impairment due to these malicious rumors.
Thank you,
Vicor
I misspelled crevasse and left out the fact that he saw the window curtains in the kitchen were askew. Apology for errors.
I personally would like to read the rest of the story, but can’t because of the stupid FAIL sign right over it.
The whole story is here:
http://tinyurl.com/6fnx98
I am a nurse and this is really not uncommon, all kinds of people come in with all kinds of things that they “fell” on. A plunger handle, a gerbil, a plastic elf, a vibrator that was stuck on vibrate,cucumber, carrot, electric toothbrush, clarinet, coke bottle and the list goes on……
At our hospital the most recent up-the-ass object was a toilet brush. Brush end first. Last year we had a lot of fruit. And I know someone who had a patient with a light bulb up there. Not a bright idea.
Butt quite illuminating! (sorry, couldn’t resist!)
*Lets call the whole thing off* NOT!
I think I accidently the potato. What should I do now?
One in a million shot, doc. One in a million.
I’ve heard of keeping fruit on your kitchen table, but potatoes? And also, wouldn’t the potato have to be placed verticle for it to go “in through the out door”?
He just wanted to make a potato gun wiff his bottom.
POTATO SEX FTW!!
he invented a new kind of potato cannon
We don’t have a lost and found box…we have an ass box…
(HA HA Scrubs)
Million to one shot, doc! Million to one!
This has happned atleast twice for me while haning curtains naked.
Very common!
Can’t believe you all make fun of it so much! Like none of you have ever tried to stick a potate up your arse. -oh wait.
Similar thing happened to my cousin: She slipped in the shower and landed on a shampoo bottle that then had to be surgically removed. I didn’t believe her either
its double fail because of the big text
Why does stuff like this have to happen in my home town I_I
Double fail for calling a potato a vegetable when it’s actually a starch.
see that what happens when u repress an ancient animal instict, u get religious freaks doing weird shit and worse abusing kids
Whats wrong with guys just jerk’n it? isn’t that good enough? sheesh..
FLuffee Talks talks about this guy!
POTATO!!!!!
*takes the elevator up!*