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*thwarts*
*screams hysterically*
Where are you, MikeyD??!?!?!
In his office, of course.
…with his main squeeze.
Hee hee hee…!
*SQUEEZE*
*returns to pretending to be busy in the office*
Taking dictation?
*gives out a little juice*
Guys, I need your help,
“It is not always realised that a Gothic cathedral or an Edwardian castle, however they may differ as works of art or of engineering, are alike the product of an organising and administrative capacity not less remarkable, if at first less obvious, than the aesthetic or strategical skill manifested in the decoration and erection of such buildings.”
Can anyone explain what that means? Is it just saying the organisation is as equally impressive as the aesthetic skill?
Er, this is not meant to be nested here. I typed it in down at the bottom…
*thwacks failblog*
Hee hee…you said “erection”.
*thwacks dragon gently*
It means run on friggin sentence!
. . . theres a few periods for it
.
They are different in apearance and design.
They are both products of organising and administrative capacity.
WHereas, not as obvious as the aesthetic or strategical skill manifested in the decoration and erection of such buildings, it is no less remarkable. i.e. The organizing and administration.
I think I just had a mini stroke.
Then stop hiring dwarves to give you massages.
I did not hire a dwarf. He volunteered.
But he did want mim wage. Or so I heard.
Wait until POB sees that you are studying Edwardian castles!
Teehee! He’ll be so chuffed.
(But I’m not actually studying Edwardian castles, the latest period I study is the 17th century. Modern archaeology is yawn-worthy.)
Oh I think POB will be happy to have her study his Edwardian tower.
I am, indeed, quite chuffed my love!
That is a much better way of saying that, although others have said it previously if not as verbosely as some of those who have also noticed, it is not less remarkable for that fact that what is meant in the verbage applied towards the compliment of your grasp and usage of language.
No, it’s saying you will have erections because of gothic cathedrals or Edwardian castles, however they may differ as works of art or of engineering.
Roffle EB
Okay, thanks, so we can conclude that the author is incapable of writing coherent sentences. Great, I only have the rest of the book to get through now…
It was published in 1949, I thought maybe it was some bizarre form of English they used back in those ancient times…
Failblog – come for the fail, stay for the pr0n.
In the same sentence as “Edwardian”, no less!
They seem to be saying that the organisation of the people behind the construction of the Gothic Cathedral/Edwardian Castle is as impressive as the Gothic Cathedral/Edwardian Castle itself?
I think that’s what it means.
and/or butt buddy
There seems to be either a LONG backlog of failpix, or an VERY indecisive wife… for this to come out now…
It probably took so long because it isn’t true: http://www.snopes.com/rumors/adultery.asp
Neither. It’s just a very old JOKE.
No… he’s at a strip joi-…
*is quickly muffled by Mikey*
Is it run by Eleanor Burns?
In my office. Thwarting my nemesis.
Oh, is that what they’re calling it nowadays?
The RSPCA complained when I spanked the monkey.
The more PC term is punching the clown.
I thought it was cuffing the dolphin.
Admonishing the aardvark.
Astonishing and awkward. *
Astounding and asinine. *
Amazing and altruistic. *
Thanks for stopping our nemesis showdown!!
Aghast and atavistic.
*hugs k-k-k-katy* *
A Radical Mutant Sizing.
*whimper*
Zurack! You’re…..mean!
*skitters off*
Now look what you’ve done Zurack.
Attempting my ultimate destruction is fine, but that’s crossing the line.
I think you should apologise. *
Oh, honey. Whimpering and skittering…? That’ll just encourage him!
Wait! It was just an anagram of “Amazing and altruistic”!
It’s not my fault! Not my faaaault! *
I never noticed, that’s an impressive anagram.
Erm, I mean. Go apologise.
*Folds arms and taps foot, imitating Maria the housekeeper*
As repairman saving me!
impressive anagram?
No, “an impressive anagram”.
2×1
Two times one?
No, I won 2 nemesis showdowns, and you won just 1.
3×1
That should have been 2-1. Which I believe makes it 2-2.
:p
If you check the comment number 182451 from the previous fail, you will have a nasty surprise.
4×1
Better Divorced than Dead!
righting the left grandpa
Politicians call it “shaking hands with the unemployed”
The religious prefer buffing the bishop.
And bishops prefer young boys.
I thought that was catholic priests…
Oooh! Religious bigotry WIN!
Had to have been priests before Bishops…
After they’re caught, they’re generally promoted to keep them away from the young boys.
Catholic Hierarchy fail (exculuding anglican churchs)
Machinists call it the self-tapping screw.
Salesmen call it liquidating the inventory.
Cowboys call it whistling Dixie.
Bankers call it making a cash withdrawal.
Stockbrokers call it an IPO (Individual Personal Offering)
Railroad workers call it driving the spike.
Programmers call it a hard drive.
Structural engineers call it stress management.
Nascar fans call it turning left.
Tree Trimmers call it “smoothing the bark”
Chefs call it “buttering the corn”
And mazochists call it corkscrewing the tap.
I thought it was firing the surgeon general.
wait…
i thought truck drivers liked young boys?
“Shaking hands with the unemployed.”
Chuffing the ol’ chap.
Expelling white Russians from the Kremlin.
*thumps*
*thalls over*
*thlithers*
*thcan’t work out what that is?*
*removes l*
there
*removes l*
there
Dammit, we now have negative ‘l’ values! You’ve doomed us all.
I don’t know w’at the ‘ell ‘appened.
A ‘urricane?
Nah, they ‘ardly ‘ever ‘appen.
Hever?
*havers*
*Hoovers?*
Yeah, I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the one who’s havering to you!
When I haver, well you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who’s haverin’ to you.
Crap, I can’t walk that far.
LA-LA-LA-LA!
(la-la-la-la!)
This song was running through my head on my wedding day as I walked down the aisle. True story. The musicians were playing “Here Comes the Bride” and all I could think of was “and IIIII would walk five hundred miles and IIIIII would walk five hundred more…”
Whenever I hear that song, I automatically think of Johnny Depp in Benny & June, when they’re ironing their grilled cheese sandwiches. I absolutely adore that movie. It’s in my top 10.
At least in ‘artford, ‘erriford, and ‘ampshire.
Is it slithers? The presence of another ‘th’ in the word threw me. Sorry.
I think we have a winner.
am I the only one who remembers this? (specifically the part where it’s a fake?)
A joke according to Snopes.com, including the hoax image of the newspaper clipping… but very funny anyhow.
Catchum…….I did. I tracked my cheating … with a cool gps vehicle tracking device from http://www.gpsspousetracking.com/
bill
ensimmäinen
epäonnistua
aasi
reikä
Valitan, huono sana yhdistys
kippis
*masturboi*
sultäonna.
Mika Hakkinnen
Kamakawiwo’ole
Vladimir Harkonnen.
We’re duned.
We’ll worm our way out of this somehow.
If not, we’ll meet our maker.
In the meantime we can spice things up a little.
As long as we don’t Feyd away.
Rust never sleeps.
Kimi Raikonnen?
Hrving
*snorts*
*retorts*
*flambees*
*cavorts*
*wears short shorts*
*mouth hits the floor…ts?*
*snorts*
*Aborts*
*Accidents*
Here’s a towel.
Here’s a jewel.
So that’s what you call it.
*consorts*
Dragon won’t be too happy about that…
Nor POB I imagine.
*out of sorts*
You resorted to breaking the pattern.
That’s a good one!
*resorts*
Drastic times call for drastic measures, my friend.
*exhorts*
*contorts*
*reports*
*deports*
*exports*
cohorts?
*courts*
*builds forts*
Bermuda Shorts
*Orders cohorts to attack them forts*
of quartz
cavorts
*disports*
Those two kinda go together.
*distorts*
*purports*
Good sports
*thwarts*
*supports*
Lol wut
He’s going down…
That’s what she said.
He’s gonna wish he was in his office.
That’s what the divorce attorney said.
That’s what he was doing!
… into the danger zone?
He’s halfway there.
He’s halfway there. . .
Now he’s all the way there I guess.
asymptotic fail
Two halfways make a whole way, he’s not halving the distance each time. They were mutually exclusive.
Not buying it. The timestamps and the ellipses imply otherwise.
Hmm. Perhaps he’s trying to touch the touch button you’re not allowed to touch? And the touch button brings danger.
(Last time I try reference Top Gun songs)
*hits the breaks*
*target lock*
Fire at will…
Poor Will.
HOLD THE PHONE!!
*squeeeeeeeeeeezes the Moomin!*
Woooohooohooooooooooo!!
*teleports away*
Can I be a mongoose dog!
If you like.
Yeah on his girlfriend!
Your mature and subtle sense of humor is overwhelming.
I know it at 76 years of age these things still entertain me!
Mature isn’t the same as old unless you’re a cheese.
In the words of Jeff Dunham, women age like fine wine. Your sense of humor ages like milk.
SILENCE…
I keel you!
Yeah? Well I’ll starboard you, missy.
Dont be importinent.
*inserts apostrophe*
I hope this is where EB attacks our sally port!
Ooh! Where do we line up for that?
*readies battering ram*
Let’s just hope his mast isn’t mizzen.
I believe it has rizzen.
Oooh! I see k-k-k-katy and EB kizzen!
It’ll soon be ji….*insert inappropriate sexual term here*
The older I get the slower my mind works! The assisted living facility is nice though.
I believe you meant to paraphrase Jeff Dunham, the actual lines were
Walter: She’s getting old too.
Jeff Dunham: Women age like fine wine.
Walter: She’s aging like milk.
Gah! Crow, you transformed into a human. When did this happen?
D’oh, apparently Gravatar is not cooperating with me at the moment.
WTF?!?!? My posts keep getting eaten, my avatar seems to be set on ‘revolve’…I give up
*headdesk*
I feel your pain. sometimes I make a comment, the number of comments listed goes up, but my comment is nowhere to be found.
RA, could your name have something to do with that?
ATCF, is your name Randall Flagg?
If there is a hidden joke here, I fail…if not, then the answer to your question is no, my name is not Randall Flagg. Why do you ask?
Referring to Stephen King’s “The Stand”. Your avatar was switching from crow to man and back again. I know, it was a lame joke.
He comes from an ancient time, mortal.
Behold my powers and tremble in fear.
Hm…nope. No trembling.
I sneezed, though…that’s something!
Don’t you mean squeezed?
*SQUEEZE*
*runs around trying to escape*
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Sorry. You’re nested. Bwuaahahaha…
*nestles*
Chocolate? You shouldn’t have, but thank you.
That guy is my hero. All I got when I cheated was two black eyes and a case of the clap.
Women cheat?
*boggles*
No, never.
*scrabbles*
Awww… ’cause a cheating women… that’s hot.
*monopolies*
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
*pictionaries*
That’s ’cause you’re not a guy. We men, we like it when girls cheat. It’s sexy.
*yahtzees*
Why, because it increases the pool of women who might possibly go home with you? It’s not so sexy when it’s YOUR girl.
*backgammons*
True true. But no, that’s not the reason. Infidelity is a great turn-on.
*checkmates*
*References post from a few days ago*
Not ALL men like it when women cheat!
Name your game, ATCF!!!
*canastas*
*pokers*
Oooh. I’ll pay for that.
You’re full of humor andiron-y this morning, Dragon!
I wouldn’t want to put a damper on the fun.
We will all tong you later.
Oooh, that sounded dirty!
Just so long as you don’t have the flue!
No, but I think I may be coming down with a coal.
I hope your husband can nurse you back to hearth.
Don’t bother… I think he’ll get it when he has a girlfriend.
Egg my dear friend, I think you meant to say ‘if’ not when.
Yeah, only 99% of women… that’s more than half!
I hate it when my girl cheats.
(Not that this happens regularly).
oops, *trivial pursuits*
That’s better.
*scattergories*
I absolutely love that game!
*Candy Land*
I’m a one woman kinda guy … unless she brings another hot chick!
*checkers*
Mookie and I will be right over.
*chess*
Can I come?
*battleships*
We will see when you get here, I am sure we can work on it.
*operations*
5 is a great number for…
*strip pokers*
Mookie and Ryannon together? Hold on, I’ll get my hat.
*Uno*
Ryannon and Mookie? To..gether? *Subconciously bites knuckle*.
*Bingo*
Ryannon, Mookie and Loz, oh my. Count me in!
*connect fours*
Can I be invited? I’m terrible at poker.
*Dominoes*
Don’t worry. You won’t be doing the poking.
“Russian Roulette”
Ooh, I don’t like your game!!
*chicken*
Sure you can come, if terrible means “extremely bad” as opposed to “formidable in nature”
*bridges*
Somehow, I’m wonderful when I play regular poker, such as Texas Hold ‘Em. However, when it comes to strip poker, I’m a complete failure. Especially when my husband is the dealer. I’m fairly certain it’s a conspiracy.
*freeze tag*
What’s going on here? A team effort?
*Kicks the can*
*Runs and hides*
I don’t like women who cheat.
*balderdashes*
What is that structure called?
*risks*
Angry pirate?
*triavial pursuits*
*facepalm*
Damn refresh.
I’d like to join in, but I can’t think of anything relevant to say
*sorries*
ATCF: “Trilabiae Pursuits”??
Now, what would Freud say about this?
He’d probably tell you to shred your privates.
I thought “privates envy” was exclusive to women!
“What is that structure called?”
I can’t tell. I fell (over a) tower.
*knows it’s balderdash*
I’m a one man guy in the morning
Same in the afternoon
One man guy when the sun goes down
I whistle me a one man tune
Cool, I like LW III.
I am Henry the 8th I am…
Loz, your girls cheat all the time
They do? *cries*
*smacks Shadow*
Don’t listen to him, Loz. I’m sure you keep your girls happy.
I wonder if he answered…
*Guess Who?*
…better that than an accident kid!
So that’s where you found your interest in S&M…
Clap comes in cases? Can or bottle?
It’s more economical to buy your clap in bulk. I understands Sam’s club has a Black Friday special on it. Around the back, of course.
And that kids, is why you have to cheat with the TV on at all times.
Sex on tv never hurt anyone. It’s when you fall OFF the tv that it hurts…
Plasma TVs ruined it for all of us…
You have to turn it over on its back.
That’s what he said.
That’s that she did.
That’s that it said.
It said that she did
She said that he did.
“That he did,” said she.
He did that, said she.
Maccaroni and cheese.
Flying Maccaroni Moster, now with cheese!
Flying Maccaroni Monster, now with cheese!
Heads, shoulders, cheese on toast cheese on toast.
With bacon.
And eyes and ears and mashed potatoes?
Wouldn’t that make it Irish Rarebit?
Wouldn’t that make it Irish Commonlots?
How should I know, I’m Scottish.
I’m John-ish
I’m confused.
Your moomish.
You’re confused? You were partaking in the conversation about this in the previous fail!
Previous fail? What do you mean? This is the first fail of this brand-new site!
This string of comments has gotten entirely too silly. I order you to become less silly at once!
I’m pretty sure Loz is Welsh, anyway…
Roffle!
*hugs dragon*
Welsh is the name of people from Scotland, right?
Sorry, I’m not at my desk at the moment. Please send any work to be translated.
*hugs Loz back*
*nods* She just gets confused when she eats haggis.
That joke was Britian’s entry for this year’s Rubber Mac of Zurich Award. It came last.
*attempts to think up a “please keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times” type joke*
You must be this tall to ride the boob tube.
*measures*
You must be this tall to be this tall.
I was that tall when I was that tall.
Sorry but you must be this tall to join this conversation.
You must join this conversation to be in it at all?
Please follow the rules or I will have to escort you to the exit.
This way to the egress. . .
That sounds an awful lot like a religious conversation.
i was there and this is still a massive fail! good work and a bad fail..
Always check the TV to make sure your office not on fire before answering that question.
When cheating, correct answer to the “Where are you?” is always “Not sure, I am too drunk to know. See you later”
No, the intelligent thing to say is “With you in spirit honey. Gotta go, something big is happening”.
Insert totally original and funny comment here!
Spirit honey? That sounds yummm.
But it’s not as fancy as pearl jam
Nor as gamey as wildlife preserves.
I find that teh ectoplasmic aftertaste turns me off to spirit honey.
Either that or “What do you mean? Am i not banging you right now? Oh, jeez…”
I’d go with “Oh no, tunnel…click.”
Another useful one is
*nasal voice*
“This is the voice message service for your loving husband/wife. He/She loves you. Please leave your message”
*hangs*
HOW are the POSSIBLY 80 comments? I was away for 30 MINUTES!!!
You ADDICTS.
Oh yeah, and weird pic i guess
I need some infidelity thefting :L
If you supply the proper credentials…
Over 309 comments by the time I looked back here!
And he had a very smart wife, apparently. You just know there are people out there who get a big fat HERE’S YOUR SIGN like this and who stay with the bastard anyway.
Death vs Illicit Sex
Choose.
Can I have some time to think it over?
It’s definitely a toughy.
things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm
It’s almost as if God himself went out of his way to throw salt in this guy’s game.
*Oh my God did I just type that, I’m horrible*
Dont you mean Allah went out of his way??
As bad as divorce can be, it beats becoming a pile of ash. Best mistake this guy will ever make.
The only unfortunate part, at least for him, is that if he had responded better, he would still have his life and his wife
And his girlfriend.
Too true, can’t forget her.
He would still have his afterlife, agrafe, agraffe, alewife, antilife, bouffe, cafe, carafe, chafe, coiffe, drawknife, farmwife, fife, fishwife, folklife, gaffe, giraffe, goodwife, griffe, halflife, highlife, housewife, huswife, jackknife, jefe, kalewife, knife, life, loosestrife, lowlife, midlife, midwife, nightlife, nonlife, oldwife, overrife, penknife, piaffe, pocketknife, pouffe, prelife, rechauffe, rife, ruffe, safe, strafe, strife, supersafe, superwife, tartufe, tartuffe, truffe, ultrasafe, unsafe, vouchsafe, wakerife, wife and wildlife.
*has a siezure*
He probably lost his job too, let us not forget.
OMG!!! EGG! Your avatar!!
*laughs until she cries*
Yeah. Thank Ryannon for that…
*shakes fist*
Oh thats awesone .. i hd to go clear my cache to see it !
*masturbates*
howdy
Why does the article say “The first divorce…” ? It’s as if they expect a lot more. Does this make sense ?
Sorry, no constructive comments allowed.
Because it’s a made up story that was meant to bring some humor after that bummer of so many people dying and all.
Uh, Snopes.com says this is a hoax.
Fail blog fail.
http://www.snopes.com/rumors/adultery.asp
Sounds like a WIN to me!!
FAKE! Google a phrase like world trade center divorce and you’ll find a page about it on snopes.com. Dang.
very obvious fake. “a guy”? That whole article is completely ridiculous.
People should have realized it was a fake from the terrible grammar. No newspaper would hire a journalist with writing that bad.
wanna bet?
“Oh. Did I say ‘at the office’? My bad. I meant to say ‘at the orifice’. By the way, what’s for dinner”.
Potatoes with bread, and some water.
beans an taters! taters an beans!
Bow down to me, bitches
Get the hell back up on that cross! What do we have to do, nail you to it?
wow… I think i can figure out this guys name too…
it is….
Ricky Retardo!
what a screw up that was!
i laugh at your maronic ways, Ricky! Mwahahahaha!
im talking about the fail of course…
*giggles quietly to herself at the “marons”*
*snickers with katy*
This seems to be an outtake from a UK newspaper – if you note the spelling of “World Trade Centre”. In US usage, it should be “Center”… or am I wrong?
Maybe people in Ontario published it? They aren’t that far away. I live in Western New York, and Ontario is only a 45 minute drive. 2 hours if I want to see my father, who lives near Kambridge (sp?).
So the guy got divorced, but he didn’t die a horrible fiery 103-story death? And that’s a fail? I think it’s an infidelity WIN! Ok, the “What do you mean? I’m in my office, of course!” is a substantial fail. But I’d call not dying on 911 results in a net win.
So the guy got divorced, but he didn’t die a horrible fiery 103-story death? And that’s a fail? I think it’s an infidelity WIN! Ok, the “What do you mean? I’m in my office, of course!” is a substantial fail. But I’d call not dying on 911 results in a net win.
Did you have a burrito for lunch? You’re repeating yourself.
well failblog is about fails, so maybe…
False Fail.
http://www.snopes.com/rumors/adultery.asp
sorry guys this is an urban story that papers use to fill space. I have seen it in so many places now from papers to jokes people told me to stupid myspace and facebook posts. …..Still funny though
Hoax WIN!
http://www.snopes.com/rumors/adultery.asp
I nominate this one for EPIC FAIL!
How is surviving 9/11 a fail?
i wouldn’t call it a “fail” exactly — after all, infidelity kept him alive in this case!
Urban legend, anyone? This is a Fail fail, move along now.
That was no fail. That was a huge infidelity WIN.
Yes, Infidelity Fail in this case would be arranging to meet one’s lover in one’s 103rd floor WTC office on the morning of 9/11 for a bit of office nookie.
On the whole, I’d rather be divorced than dead.
I love FAIL as much as the next person, but I think this fail is in poor taste.
Posting urban legends as fail = fail
What a failure, how can you not know that the 9/11 attacks were going on. Didn’t the girlfriend have any other friends or family that would call HER? Amazing.
What part of “phone off” don’t you understand?
says ‘his phone was off’, not the girlfriend’s. Reading details FAIL.
Ok, this is fake, it was proven to be fake and is even on snopes.com as being fake, so why is it on here?
fhg
sometimes when i come in here because this shit confuzes me, i see that all it is is some people trying to buzzkill it.
non-lie version :
‘i am in my office…what that sound? OH MY GOD!!….AAAAAH!!!!’
*cohorts* … wait am I late for the -ort off? Sorry everybody. (Btw, im pretty sure this fail is fake)
Ok, it’s 1:21 am, where the f*ck is the new fail???
Duh. Wrong fail post. Drunk fail.
WIN?!
Well… he missed the chance to start a new life…
WTF, am I in a time machien? this was old news in ought-two.
Can you fail if it never actually happened? This is fake…
snopes.com people…
This is the basic plot premise of Neil Labute’s play The Mercy Seat.
On the bright side, infidelity apparently saved his life.
Lmao… Pwned…
Actually, it’s NOT WATCHING TV fail. Cheating might have saved his life.
Wow….he might have wanted to turn on the tv first…
http://www.snopes.com/rumors/adultery.asp
I realize I’m not the first to post this, but since nobody seemed to pay attention the first time…
Couldn’t help but add a comment to the posts earlier…
I wonder if he answered…
*Guess Who?*
Old.
Too bad it’s all a bunch of horse pucky.http://www.snopes.com/rumors/adultery.asp
Oh that’s an old joke… you can read about it on Snopes.com. One of those jokes that are retooled for whatever disaster/attack happened recently. Supposedly was around for Pearl Harbor too. The true FAIL is that the newspaper reported it as a genuine newsstory!
i guess in some ways after she found out about him cheating he was dead to her anyways. he should marry the chick he was having an affair with and call her lady luck.
there was no terrorists in the first place
Gotta love karma XD
well if its not for the affair he would be dead!
Sorry, but this is win.
It’s the kind of joke my friends might tell… because they’re nasty-pasties like that.
guess he married the girlfirend, after all, she kinda saved his life….:)
haha in my office, of course!!!
lol
how stupid can a person get?! =D
This is a need to leave the TV on when banging your girlfriend beind the wifes back FAIL!!!!
Double Fail: If they’re boyfriend and girlfriend, how did they get divorced?
Thats what he gets for not watching TV
lol cheeting on his wife saved his life
What a dumbass. >.>
TEEHEE!!
serves the retard right
best note i`ve seen!!!! lmao
Last!
I mean… her.
(Oh, God)