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Cheezburger Network Blog
I say.
I see.
Did it hurt your eyes? She is relatively unattractive afterall.
But she has a lovely personality.
But matching your nails and lipstick is so 1980’s. And did you notice the mommy jeans? She is choking her goiter.
Stifling her money-maker!
And what’s with the Queen Elizabeth type wave? I get that she feels special wearing pearls but she needs a silly hat or a tiara or something before I buy the royalty wave.
How much is the wave?
Depends on how many people are in the stadium.
or how bad the arthritis is that day?
or where the moon’s position is that day?
Moon’s position – is that a new yoga pose? I have downward dog down pat.
Depending on which way you are facing, downward dog could actually be the moon position…
EMO!
Ryannon, could you demonstrate that one?
“…her?”
“is she funny?”
Wait ’til you see what she does for an encore!
*gasp*
With a melon?!
Remember the ZJ?
So what does Z stand for?
(Actually, I still believe it stands for Zucchini)
It stands for Zevon. You get the ZJ, but you don’t leave any of it to your kids, you donate what’s left to charity. Horny men in 3rd world countries need love too.
She looks like she could be Julia Childs sister.
After 25 years, her hand has frozen in that position.
Thank goodness all fingers are accounted for.
I dunno, that hand looks like a wooden replica…
How does she do anything?
Kinda looks like Bob Dole’s hand. All she needs is a pen in there and she could be his sister.
Just like my mum always warned me…!
So has her mouth I’m afraid…
And that bored look.
Actually, that bored look is standard during… oh, wait, don’t want to disillusion you at your tender age…
8-0
That’s an impressive record, but can you stay undefeated for the entire season?
Eight-love? I highly doubt it.
Probably because it’s a photograph. All things in photographs are frozen in position. If her hand was moving I would be impressed.
She’s not doing a Queen Elizabeth wave, she is throwing a strip of fabric in the air. Stripping is a technique in quilting that Eleanor Burns teaches and is quite well know for. She has a great sense of humor and makes beautiful quilts.
So this is actually a title major WIN?
I guess the poster is entitled to his/her own knowledge-FAIL.
Wow you just sucked the fun right out of the room didn’t you?
And, apparently, she is all smiles.
That’s because she’s wrapped in one of Naughty Nora’s quilts.
Nasality Rungs Quoth
Antiquary Longs Tush
Anal Yoghurts Squint
Altar Gunshot Quinsy
I can’t help it! This one was a good one.
Also: when you mention someone’s name they actually DO immediately appear! I shall say “apparently” more often in the future.
(Thank you. *smooch*)
Apparently, I can do it anytime for ya.
*waits hopefully!*
*POUNCE*
WHOOOP!
…Um. I do believe I have once again been separated from my socks.
Heh, Dragon:). Enjoy!
Dilly, did you see Dragon’s comment when you posted? I only saw yours, and didn’t see the intervening comment by Dragon until the following day.
I did, indeed…that’s odd…
Actually, she’s a horrible speaker with an awful and inappropriate sense of humor. If I never hear her again it’s too soon. One 90-infomercial to a captive (and I mean not able to leave!) audience was all I will ever need and more.
She’s not waving. She just threw those STRIPS of fabric over her shoulder. The title is a horrible play on words that we have been laughing at for years at JoAnn Fabrics.
she is a quilter who is known for throwing the scraps from her quilting
off to the side or over her shoulder if she doesn’t need them. if you
look above her hand you will see a strip of cloth she is throwing away.
You had to bring up “pearl necklace”, didn’t you…
Eleanor Burns? She’s hot.
That’s ’cause of the menopause.
Or maybe she just burns your eyes…
If only there were a sub-$1 product that works just like ice.
Or, failing that, some ice.
Are you from Germany?
I’m bally well from good ol’ blighty, sirrah. The e-blight of blight-ee?
Ah! So you’re from England, are you, old bean?
*Breaks into chorus of RULE BRITANNIA*
*Tries to work out how best to type “*stands to attention*” without engendering a round of inn-ur-end-o*
Doesn’t matter. At least you are a patriot.
*Orchestra plays Elgar’s Pomp and Circumstance*
“Pump and Circumcision”
Both of those are relevant to my interests.
Well then strike up the band.
They’re on strike??! *cries*
I’m sure you can get them in line once you give them their marching orders.
I do love men in uniform.
And out of them as well.
You’re reading my mind.
Yes and I think Im on page 3-something.
Ey? You can’t be truly English if you know the words to the National Anthem.
Is she related to Eleanor Rigby?
Rigamortis maybe?
I can totally see her keeping her face in a jar by the door.
And picking up the rice. You know, that rice, in the church, where the wedding has been.
It did. I had to scrub them for 24 hours before I felt clean again.
She could be fixed up, different hair, makeup, wardrobe… Maybe she could wear something that hadn’t been a quilt?
Face lift, lyposuction, a wig, maybe. Makeup lessons.
lyposuction? She’s a skeleton now, there wouldn’t be anything left of her!
You guys are too rough on her. I’d take her to the champagne room. You can’t argue with experience.
But there’s no sex in the champagne room.
No, look into her eyes. She puts out, you can tell.
But it will cost you. Her lap dances are to Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin.
No, no, I think to Clark Cable and Cary Grant.
They were recording artists too?
In their spare time, yes.
Wasn’t that the point?
Touche
I see, dim lighting eh?
You know her?
Why, yes, I do know her. Nice person. Sold lots of books!
Made lots of money! No fail about her.
But can you see by the dawn’s early light?
What so proudly we FAILED…
Can it be a fail if it’s intentional? She really did mean to make people raise their eyebrows with the title.
Title fail, but unsubtle innuendo win!
my mother has this book. Quilting whores.
Your mom is a stripper?
Not only is she a stripper, she’s a stipper who doesn’t mind if you bring your infant to the bachelor party.
sometimes
Now THAT’s what I call a cougar!
No no at her age, she is a silve fox. I refuse to accept she and I are in the same age group.
My point, exactly!!!! I like to think that there does come a point when one should give up the stripping pole!
She was best known for her lap work.
Reminds me of the old joke: “What’s the hardest part about eating vegetables?”
Answer: The wheelchairs.
Makes me think of Terri Schiavo’s blog.
That was in bad taste!
Yeah, don’t stop! This is the home of bad taste!
I thought that was the Mc Donald’s with the anus burgers?
No, that was the Dairy Queen with the doucheeburgers.
That brings a whole new unpleasant meaning to “Scream until Daddy stops”.
Well said, Mookie!
Bad taste, less feeling.
She was fired once for bearding, though.
For pretending she was a gay man’s girlfriend to appease his parents? That’s not a good reason for getting fired. I’m writing a letter.
I figured it was in reference to digging for clams out of season.
Ah, mollusks. I recently came across a picture of a geoduck, and barfed.
I saw them when ummm that guy from Dirty Jobs had to I want to say “milk” them.
Heeeeeeeeee! I saw that episode.
*inserts obligatory “Mike Rowe can milk me anytime” comment here*
I’m Mike Rowe, and today, my dirty job includes a hot babe and a milking machine…
“The Joke: the Musical”?
Is there a flute?
Um, “insert” “skin flute”….ah, forget it, I grossed myself out.
Yes, but you have to guess what kind.
Wow. Dilly scootched away from herself.
Wow indeed. A failblog first, and you saw it here, folks!
I’d like to thank the Academy. Of Scootching.
Now what do you suppose THAT statue would look like???
I already won the Nobel Prize in Avoidance and Ducking…my mantel is a wondrous place. They look like guilty hobos.
EEEeeewwwwwWWWWwwww
Mike Rowe is HAWT.
I concur! Even when he is dirty, he looks good. And the fact he is willing to get dirty makes him that much sexier.
I absolutely agree. And the fact that he always makes dirty jokes and can laugh at himself all the time.
Likes dirty jokes and laughing at himself does he. Sounds as if he would fit in nicely here.
We ONLY see him when he’s dirty, and he is hot hot hot. Did you know he was an opera singer once?
Yes, indeedy! I like it when he sings on the show.
Really? Opera? I would never have guessed! What shows did he do?
He sang with the Baltimore Opera and sold stuff on QVC…
You really need to come to Seattle and go to the Pike Place Market. They have geoducks that will send you screaming into the street.
Been there, baby. The fish-throwing sent me screaming, away.
What’s the matter with tossing a few fish around? It could have been worse. You might have gone into a bakery and seen people tossing their cookies.
Ok, low blow…you know about me and cookies…
Sorry. I forgot. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
*crumbles*
The cookie sweatshop is no more. It’s all in the pastry.
*rolls out the memories*
I’ll send you a bouquet of flours.
Wow, the truth IS stranger than fiction!!
Hee…!
On that note, I’m off to bed. G’night, friends!
*hugs*
Amen. I’m vegan and had to crack 36 eggs for a batch of dough. I still shudder to think of it. The bouquet would be nice though, my canine.
Baking with a lot of eggs is not all that it is cracked up to be.
With that yolk I too shall go to bed. I knead my sleep.
I’ll stop now.
Pleasant dreams all.
‘night, puppy.
Ahh, I missed everyone. Looks like they have all folded.
Well at yeast I’ll see them tomorrow.
*Coughs*
Still here, slow night at work.
I’ll stop in and say hi when I visit Seattle next year coyote. Haven’t bee there in 10 years
So really looking forward to it!
She’s old enough to be yuor kids granny.
your, even.
It’s ok, you’re not possessive.
She is a bit clingy though.
We could Bounce her…
What you don’t want to Snuggle with her?
(said with thick sarcasm)
What’s that? There seems to be a lot of static on failblog today.
Oh, how the Tide can turn on someone here!!
Oh she’s just Fab!
Her comments are a little Dryel for my liking…
I get your Dreft.
What’s to Gain by dwelling on the subject?
Woolite oughta head to bed. 5:00 comes early.
I think it would take a 20-mule team to drag me off to the realms of sleep right now.
Ryannon, you do Cheer up the blog!
She can Wisk All our troubles away.
ALL right…! I have to get in on this Biz.
Hooray! We can all Surf the pun-run together!
That’s Bold of you to say.
Yeah, I really gave it my All there.
You may have spoke in Era LB.
It’s Purex-tacy reading these pun runs.
I don’t want to detergent-le friends from their current cycle, but we’ll be clean out of puns soon unless stretch the rules a little.
I missed that one… but, Dragon is a real Dynamo, you know, so I was blinded for a moment!
Oh Admiral…don’t agitate yourself so much!
I agree. I do not want to wash out this thread by spinning to tight a weave.
This pun run is really spinning!
This is the cleanest thread that we’ve had in some time. Such a Salvo of wit!
Well, kiddies, I’ve tumbled long enough… Off to bed for me!
Please don’t forget to donate to your local food bank!
As long as we don’t talk about each others’ dirty laundry, we should be fine. Goodnight LB.
Already done LB. I would say more but I do not want to press my luck and risk folding under pressure.
G’night, Lunchbox!
*fluffs Lunchbox’s pillow*
Lunchbox, you tried to fight them on the bleaches, but you couldn’t turn the tide…goodnight.
Nite LB, I’ll be sure to on payday. I’m wrung a lil tight this week.
Already donated, LB. I don’t leave them out to dry.
“hang me out to dry…you’ve wrung me out too, too, too many times…”
*puts dilly on the delicate cycle for a change*
Is that a Lost Boys avatar?
Oh, my. If it is, Erick is going to get the less than delicate cycle from me, that’s my favorite movie.
*agree*
It’s one of my top 10 for sure.
“You guys sniffin’ on newsprint or somethin’?”
Well I am glad you guys can see it! Its not switching for me. And yes it is. It’s one of my top 10 all time favorites as well
Ahh, its amazing what a little cache clearing will do for you … avatars updated all around …
Dilly, when we gonna see anew one of you?
I just can’t decide!
Whatever you do, don’t Snuggle with her. She might feel the urge to cling!
LOL, I like her name, too!
I think she could be Mr. Burns’ daughter.
I heard she was passed over for that position…
Goerge & Gracie?
George, even.
Gracie’s twin sister?
Say goodnight, Goerge!
Oh, good night, Goerge!
Loz?
Loz isn’t here, but I must admit that’s a lovely photo of you.
Thanks. You would never guess that I’m a 22 year old male eh? The Op was very successful.
Uh, is this the BEFORE or the AFTER picture, just so we can tell how successful the surgery was. Guess it’s all in what results you were looking for…
A well respected art form, not a fail at all.
This book is right up there with the knitters bible, “The Happy Hooker.”
Good stuff.
Knitting doesn’t involve hooks. That would be crochet, or latch hook rugs.
Or piracy.
Or butchery.
Or successful songwriting. Or potholder looms, whatevs.
Or making some cash on the side when the husband is out of town.
I might be interested in that venture. Please to elaborate.
It puts the $200 on the dresser, or it gets the hose again…
Wouldn’t that be, “It puts $200 on the dresser, if it wants the hose again” ??
Depends on the hooker, and what you ask for…water sports are extra.
Not if she likes your hose.
A hooker with a heart of gold.
I’ll take “Movie Cliche” for $200, Alex.
That’s not what your mother said last night, Trebek.
Hooker with a heart of gold? Clearly, she’s selling the wrong part of her body.
First you have to be initiated by trespassing.
or Vaudeville…
indeed, The Happy Hooker is a crochet book, whereas Stitch N Bitch is a knitting book.
Yeah, not so much…http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Happy_Hooker
It accidenty your whole link. I think it doesn’t like the “http://” part.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Happy_Hooker
…or I could be completely wrong. *shrugs*
Is it wrong to buy such books merely for their titles?
If the title is either ‘Mein Kampf’ or ‘The autobiography of Dan Quayle,’ definitely.
*nod* so so true…
How to run a nation by George W. Bush
Run or ruin?
There’s a difference, with that author?
We have one thing to thank Dubya for. He probably ruined any chance his brother Jeb will be in the Oval Office.
The Bush trifecta? Down in flames!
Woo!
That would have been horrible. He took a bad school system to a complete failure in Florida.
Thrilled this will never happen, but I may have nightmares tonight.
Remember, Dubya has daughters. I wouldn’t put it past either of them to try.
Regardless of what they say now. Of course Jenna might have some history to overcome.
One of them could become governor of Alaska someday.
Dear Admiral, from the looks of things, ANYONE could do that!
I think you need experience as a weather girl.
By the way… did you see that video of hers with the guy killing turkeys in the background?
That’s because she’s gangsta. She pardons the turkey, but makes it watch its homies die. That’s some hardcore sh*t right there!
How else will they learn.
She was just trying to get info from it. Being able to see Russia from her house means she must have ties to the Russian Mafia too.
he was never the best speller, our prez
Yeah. That’d be the crocheter’s version of the Stitch ‘n Bitch books.
I’m just a happy hooker, baby
Riding bicycles and boys in the park.
*yawn* fell asleep again.
I cheered up Loz but i think he ran once i sealed myself in the vacum chamber.
Im pretty loud in a Vacum chamber.
*bad spelling here*
Loz is female, you know.
*laughs mockingly*
BWAHAHAHAHAHA
*kicks britishandpound into missile testing range*
Sayonara!
Try this, BFF… *straps britishandproud to chlorine rail car* now, we just…
*triggers incendiary device*
There won’t be anything left once the gas dissipates. That should do the trick!
*sneezes*
*FOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!*
Um…hehehe…sowwy.
Nothing to apologize for, we all sneeze from time to time… yours just happened to be advantageously aimed, is all…..
God bless you.
Tank you.
*HONK!…sniffle*
*Hands Dragon Kleenex with aloe*
Anytime.
Ain’t she a beauty?
One in a million girl.
Don’t fall in love.
At the Copa, Copa Cabana.
Tubes Fail, Manilow errmm Win?
Sorry, I was channeling Eleanor…
Was she performing a river dance?
Manilow never wins. You should know that, Ryannon!
I dunno, he likes to sunbathe nude next to Nancy Reagan. That’s a win if there ever was a win.
Nancy. There was a sexy beast. Nobody except Mary Todd and Barbara can touch that level of hotness.
Thatcher FTW!
I stand corrected.
Two words – Mahatma!
Two words fail.
3 words – ROFFLE
So say’s Ricky Ricardo. Or Barry Manilow.
Joo got sum ’splaineen to do!
Say’s you, say’s me. Say’s it for always.
Ahh thats the way it should be.
Now why would I lie?
Cause if you do, you’ll find out she don’t love you!
Don’t ‘fall’ for anything. Get the facts.
She was quite the pioneer in her field. She was one of the first cross-stitching strippers.
So when they said “Wagons ho!” they were calling her?
She took some of the pressure off of the horses.
She also quilted saddle blankets.
Took pressure off the horses? That tramp!
Oh, you’re just bias-ed.
She must have used horsehair boning.
Aaah…now that brings back memories of corsets and paper clips…
HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT I DID AT WORK TODAY
I saw it in a dream.
*grin*
*grins*
Dilly with corsets and paper clips. Hmmm. *imagination hits
the afterburner switch*
The sad thing is, I know guys that would buy that book without even thinking about it.
Well people with a fetish for carpets and older women would definately go for it, especially with that promising title.
Actually, my wife says this is an excellent book, if you like quilting. Sorry – not funny, not sage, not a “burn” — just a comment…
‘If you like quilting,’ Someday, I may try.
Now you know what your wife is doing on her “quilting weekends” away with her friends.
Quilters Gone Wild, the next Joe Francis series.
I guess for some people it takes longer to learn certain things…
Go Mrs. Burns!
If you endure 25 years as a stripper, it’s more like a win!
The pole grows old.
And crusty if not kept clean.
“It burns, Krusty, it burns!”
Book title isn’t fail, it’s win for being humorous. Stripping is a technique in quilting and Mrs. Burns is a very well respected and loved quilter with a great sense of humor.
Well, that’s no fun at all.
Fun for Mrs. Burns, I suppose.
And her 2 fans.
I so do not want to see her do a fan dance. Okay, I do a little bit, but that’s just morbid curiosity, nothing more.
Uh, nice avatar…
What, you have something against the Nazis?
As an ice capades show, I think they’re swell. Outside of that, yeah, I may have an issue or two.
TMI: The Nazis totally usurped the swastika, which was originally a symbol from sanskrit. स्वस्तिक is the original spelling, and it meant luck or a lucky item.
[/TMI]
Now, for any assh*le using it for racism, naziism, or hatred: I hope you die a slow and painful death.
*hug!*
*hugs back*
Hi, Dragon! Sorry, I have a low hatred tolerance level… Ok, no, I’m not sorry, I just have a low hatred tolerance level! I hate people who hate people!!!
Hee…!
Me too. Hence the hug!
*sings* People, people who love people…
*sings* People are people, so why should it be, you and I should get along so harmfully…
Or is it “awfully”? Or “awkwardly”? They all work. I never knew.
People are people
So why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully
People are people
So why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully
Thus ends the question… I never knew either!
But…but we get along awfully WELL.
I can’t believe I had that right when I was five.
I was 14, and didn’t get it right for 24 years… I am impressed!
Lunchbox, don’t tease us like that!
Hmm not sure Mike Rowe and fisting go hand in hand.
Yeah, it’s the voice-over guy from “How It’s Made” that I think of when I want a good fisting.
*scootches away from dilettante*
You know it’s bad when I am scootching.
I do believe that is your first scootch!
All for me? Marvelous! It’s ok, I was um, kidding. Yeah, “kidding”.
I am about to scootch again. The people in the room next to me seem to be “getting it on” if you will. And not in any quiet way either.
It’s better if you use a juice glass against the wall, you can hear everything.
*scootches closer* Here, you can borrow one of my
stethoscopes. This things work wonders.
Mmm! I can hear a….pin dro…OOooo!
Okay…I had a Humo(u)r 101 comment here that is now gone. Failblog is eating my posts today!
6 posts GONE!
Skwerlly Bob is Mad!
*pats Skwerlly Bob consolingly*
“We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.” “How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice. “You must be.”
Shouldn’t you be wearing a hat?
I’m asleep in a teacup.
Ahhh, I should have realized that. I know that story, really I do.
(You’re right, that was the Hatter…) shh ZZZzzZZZ
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat…
Up above the world you fly,
Like a teatray in the sky.
“…And they lived in the bottom of a treacle well.”
“What did they eat?”
“…Treacle.”
Party pooper.
Wow, do you think she may read this? WE WERE JUST JOKING ELEANOR!!
I hear she has a great sense of humor. Wouldn’t she have to? And weird, I first read joking as choking.
*hands the Admiral an artichoke*
What? Maybe you’re hungry.
Don’t feed him the choke! You’re doing it wrong!
The Art of Choking: The John McCain Story.
The Sensual Art of Choking: Erotic Asphixiation.
Epic fail carreer choice in 1983. Artistic name win, though.
I’d Hit It
You’ld hit YOUR MOM!
Now, now, cicili. Let’s not sink that low.
Never, My mom is the tops.
But anyone’s guess who’s on bottom?
I think it’s Yould.
Brenner?
Yould be sorry you said that…
Alright, I became convinced I was mixing him up with Telly Savalas, which I totally turned out not to be, and found this on wiki:
External Links: Yul Brynner at Find A Grave
Gibbons.
still stripping, among other things…
but after 25 years of it, it burns like a mawfokr!
Sorry to veer off topic, but this has got to be the slowest day on Failblog comments I have ever seen! There’s been 1 comment every 30 minutes!
*makes obligatory 30th minute posting*
Thank god. I thought some sort of virus has wiped out most of planet Ear-AARGHH!!!
*collapses*
Get up, you still have to post it’s your turn.
You need some soup.
NO! NOT THE SOUP! ANYTHING BUT THE -
Zzzzzzzzz
You didn’t NEED to have any…FEED the monster!
WAKE UP!!! Blow interesting looking things into the monsters tissue!
Bond ol’ Boy, it’s true! Some sort of virus has wiped out most of planet!
*shakes BondFan and drags him to his feet* [damn I'm strong]
You’re the only human male left…. you must father the Brave New World!
I’ll be working on the squirrel babes. Let me know how you’re “makin’ out”
It’s the cold. Can’t type when your fingers are frozen.
I’ve BEEN posting, but the blog’s been eating them.
Okay…WHO FORGOT TO FEED THE BLOGMONSTER OVER THE WEEKEND??
I’m making soup, that’ll feed it!
Then, the blogmonster will be compelled to sleeeeppppp…..
Mmm soup I love soup. What kind is it?
It’s chicken soup. It makes you go to sleep.
Open wide!
Talking in your sleep? Hmmmm……..
tell all….*
Come ON, I’m trying to be Svengali here!
*Tell All*
I woke up after you shook me awake a few comments ago.
I’ve got the soup ready.
Good, now, sllloooowwwly, approach the beast. Let the soup be downwind, rather than you…..
You don’t want him to think YOU are the snack.
Of course.
C’mere, little Failly. Good boy!
No, no!
AAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
*Charging on a white horse to save BF*
*spill soup on Blogmonster*
*It licks it*
And *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
*Rides to BF*, *Hoists him onto said horse*, *Rides off into the marshes.*
-Sits there eating tomato soup with grilled cheese-
Haha, you guys should’ve gone with tomato soup.
*FIN*
*The credits roll*
*Everyone leaves movie theatre*
-And the reviewers give the movie “Fail out of Five stars”-
’tis what ’tis….TY and goodnight!@Failblog!
Same here.
Thank you and Good night!
*leaves for the night*
I hear the secrets that you keep
When you’re talking in your sleep
I hear the secrets that you keep
When you’re talking in your sleep
When I hold you in my arms at night
Don’t you know you’re sleeping in the spotlight
And all your dreams that you keep inside
You’re telling me the secrets
That you just can’t hide
Hey, soup is good food. Have some.
Hah! We don’t need you anymore!
it smells like chicken, it looks like chicken, it has noodles, but it makes the sick sleep. It also makes tha bad sleep. So you really never know in which catagory you fall . Great stock, rather than broth. I’m a chef.
I have him brainwashed to think it’s really chicken, you understand that, don’t you? Not chicken, but brainwashed.
I wonder if Eleanor Burns her soup.
Is it even possible to burn soup?
You can burn water, ruins pots and makes the house smell really bad if you had eggs in the water when you burned it.
Doesn’t Eleanore Burn it all? UM, except her quilts.
She must spontaneously combust after every quilt she .. erm.. strips.
It sure is possible to burn soup! But it only burns after all of the liquid evaporates.
Title win actually. Strip quilters make a fair number of stripping jokes. Of course it’s disturbing that most are in their 50s or older, but also cute they have a sense of humor.
You obviously know the stripping jokes of old women. But that isn’t cute… that’s like… triple milf.
You have to see it as cute or you’ll go insane. Yesterday a woman in her 80s was telling me about how much her sex life sucked when she was younger. and then her sister’s.
Looks like she’s the brown bag special.
Perhaps…or perhaps, a TWATT??!
Is she stripping in an invisible pole?
Inpu would find the very idea of her stripping to be quite disturbing. It’s not very Zeppelin at all. It might even be anti-Zeppelin, this stripping of hers.
I disagree. She looks like a zeppelin to me.
It appears my strategery has failed me. Perhaps only the traveler of both time and space can elaboratize my vocalat’n. May Inpu and baby Jesus have mercy on you because Honest Abe is pissed and he doesn’t toss around mercy like a plague-riddled hot potato with a bomb attached When the Levees Break. We’ve all had Good Times, Bad Times. But after all this Communication Breakdown, I don’t know if i’ll Still Be Loving You the way I love Achilles last Stand. You could go to Kashmir or you could take the Stairway to Heaven. Or you could be standing by The Ocean with No Quarter. It’s all up to you.
Captain, look at her hand. She can squeeze your lever until the juice runs down your leg.
Now Sammy, that’s just gross!
Hey, hey what can I do?
Um…not be gross?
…Naaaaaaaaaaaah.
What is and what should never be…
You can dance if you want to…
Oh, I never remember to say-Nice avatar!!! D.R.I. rules!
Who am I?
Ah, the eternal question.
Am I wrong? Isn’t that the guy from D.R.I. ??? If you don’t know, then look up Dirty Rotten Imbeciles, or click my name for the wiki.
But what if he doesn’t feel like dancing [when the old joanna plays]?
…you can leave your friends behind.
Wait! I don’t wanna be left behind.
You can only be left behind if you can’t dance. And if you can’t dance, you are no friend of mine.
Don’t worry, Dragon, I will never leave you behind, or any other friends for that matter!
Does the “Dorky Dragon Dance” count?
I dance like Elaine so YES!
Let’s see…I am the “friends don’t dance” example, so… I vote YES as well!
Wheeeeeeeee!
(Comments won’t dance below this level)
(Dancers won’t comment below this level)
*dances with Lunchboxes comment*
Is that your Native American name? “Dances with Lunchboxes”?
Oh jeez, that one might stick Dragon.
*evil grin*
Rofl… I read that and thought of a headline: “Lunch dances with boxers”…
But does she have a compass rose tattoo?
Nah, it’s a Rosetta Stone. Or Madder Rose.
So do I Ryannon, so do I. “Little Kicks” I believe it is called.
Hee…! I’m not that bad, actually. Especially with the slow dancing.
*mental picture*
Any day, m’lady… That’s one of the few dances I CAN do. The rest don’t involve a dance floor………
Man, I do not get this conversation at all.
If you pour enough alcohol into me, I dance rather well. So I’ve been told. I stop caring what I look like and just enjoy the music.
You sound like my ex-husband, except for the dance well part. Love him to death but he is the worst salsa dancer to ever come out of Central America.
I have embarrassed many a date with my dancing technique, or lack thereof. I’m even worse in heels.
The level of alcohol required for me not to be self-conscious while dancing is not normally consumed at events where I might be compelled to dance.
Hee…but I thought you were graceful, my Admiral.
Seriously, what?
If you expect to make any sense of a lot of the “runs” on faiblog, you will be let down on a regular basis.
*lets down*
*gets down*
Um, yeah, get the run, but why you guys can’t let yourselves enjoy dancing on a regular basis is beyond me, it’s the cornerstone of my existence…I’m willing to learn though, so I will shut up and listen.
I dance when I am drunk but I don’t drink so I rarely dance.
Dilly, it’s a matter of confidence.
I usually make sense of everything, $1 for each sense.
Admiral and Dilly, sometimes it’s a matter of balance. Of which I have very little. I like to dance, at home, with the blinds shut, alone.
EVERYONE in the world is so self-conscious they will not judge you for having a good time, and if they do, they hate themselves. Find music you enjoy, go out, and feel however you want, do not let anyone make you feel inadequate. You’ll get the rhythm. It takes a bit to feel right but it’s worth it.
As well as a matter of finding a man who is willing to dance with a six-foot-tall woman.
Which, I suppose…is a matter of confidence.
Nevermind. The Admiral has his finger on it.
Oh my. The innuendo machine just revved back up on that last sentence.
I bet
Do you find short men like you? I get that a lot.
I have yet to find a place that plays the kinds of music I like. I detest “house” music, and while I enjoy the Sinatra type stuff from time to time, the places that play that are beyond bad. Think guys in their mid fifties and up, too tan, artfully windblown hair, shirt unbuttoned too far, gold chains, an abundance of chest hair, loafers-no-socks. The nice thing is I’m a little older than what they are looking for.
Hee…!
It’s a brand new one…we melted the last one.
This is a new and improved model, though! The Innuendo 3000…! It has some new features (pun-fast stabilization, for example), and it goes to eleven.
All I took away from this threat is that Ryannon doesn’t drink. Why, pray tell?
Sweet, hellooo Freud. *thread*
*snork*
(And THANKS for the sweet little note on my website, btw!)
Avis, I prefer to slow dance but when you are short and date very tall men, it becomes awkward in so many ways. I don’t mind dancing. I took several dance classes for the workout. I have a hard time finding a partner that fits unless I am drunk.
*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
First, stripping women.
Second, dancing drunk.
Third, the problems of building a robot dog?
Remind me to tell the story of how I broke a guy’s nose on the dance floor one night.
Hey, Avis, weren’t you gonna tell us about how you broke a guy’s nose on the dance floor one night???
*Strolls into the thread* The only person ever to break my nose was my wife. *Lindys out of the thread*
Mookie, regarding your “Why, pray tell”. Liquor has 3 negative affects on me.
1. Makes me sleepy
2. Makes me horny
3. Makes me exceedingly honest.
So if I am attracted to you and I am drunk, I will tell you but you better move fast because I will fall asleep before you get done.
I was at a bar, and on the dance floor. This alone should tell you how drunk I was. I was dancing alone and some guy came up behind me and grabbed my boobs. In a lightning reaction, I whipped my elbow back and hit him square in the nose. the bouncers saw it all go down, and escorted him out of the establishment. Then they treated me to free drinks. They thought it was the funniest thing ever. Especially since they all knew me.
I like one, two, and three.
That is the best. Story. Ever.
Oh, and alcohol makes me lose my inhibitions.
…YES!! I DO have them, okay?? :p
It’s the only time I made another person bleed.
I hate when that happens.
Good for you Avis. The damage to his ego may have corrected his behavior.
Somehow I doubt it. He had been tossed out of that bar before for similar infractions. He had never been hit before, at least at that bar, according to the bouncers. It’s funny, I saw the bouncers move towards him/me before he grabbed me, but didn’t know why. They were extremely amused. The bouncers that is.
Wow. I am impressed. The one time a total stranger slid a hand over my breast, all I did was dump my drink over his head.
Oh. And then I answered honestly when his wife demanded to know why I’d done it.
I had my nose broken at a hardcore show at Nation in DC in 1999 and it looks so awesome now, people ask if I had a nose job. That guy should kiss your feet.
And, I didn’t think, I just reacted. The bouncers told me that was
my one free pass.
In regards to my previous comment, that soooo did not come out in the right place…I took to long reading and didn’t refresh. And good for you Avis, he deserved what he got!
Bouncing is not a fun job. You’re not allowed to hurt the clowns so it is great to see them get what they deserve. And good for you Dragon.
ATCF, no worries, I figured as much anyway. By the way, the bacon
vodka? Click on my name, it becomes a little clearer. I am pretty much past the first part of that post, so don’t pay it too much mind.
*hug*
Dragon, I still want to know what the wire said when you told her why you upended a drink over her husband!!!
The drink sounds good, I’ll have to give it a try, thanks.
And sorry about the first part.
*HUGZ*
Really, no worries. And let me know in a month or so what you think of the vodka. *hugs back*
Excellent story! The only time I bloodied someone else’s nose was when he made fun of my name. I was fourteen or so at the time and reading a 300-page paperback, which I promptly whacked him with. As for dancing… *hangs head* I have no rhythm in dancing, which I know from much experience. So the only times I dance are with friends in a large group. Preferably when they’ve had a drink or two.
this thread definitely need to split part way down!
try it and see if it doesn’t have you smiling in no time
*Re: Spork – I think spork is a lovely name…
* Re: Ryannon – 1,2,3 – all positives in my book
* Re: Avis -would have loved to see that
* Re: all – even if you don’t dance in public you should always dance in the privacy of your own house
One of my best friends has the ‘white-man-can’t-dance’ disease but he does the “Peanuts/Snoopy” dance and its friggin hilarious
Thank you!
Or is it title win?
Doesn’t seem like a fail to me. Seems like a pretty clever title. Would be a fail if she were clueless, but I doubt she was. Probably she intended the double meaning. Must have been a slow fail day to put this one in.
Ayup. According to people I know who’ve met her, she’s a total riot. Loves pink feather boas, too. The sewing industry shies from weirdoes, but it thoroughly embraces characters. (Good thing, too, or I’d be WAY out of my element!)
Yes, look at the way she’s tossing that piece of fabric… Clearly this title was an intentional play on words. Clever title FTW!
She did mean it. Only a quilter would get it, though.
If you knew her, and I do, you’d know that she is anything but clueless. Very smart marketer, this lady.
I sure hope I don’t have to witness that
Actually, this is a pretty awesome quilting book. I work in a sewing store, and we’ve got a couple of Eleanor Burns standees, too, and they’ve got real feather boas on them. Based on what I’ve seen and what my coworkers (who’ve met her) have told me, the title of Still Stripping isn’t Fail; it’s sense of humour WIN!
thats sooooo sxc
I’m so depressed by the people who explain why this isn’t a fail. What else do I have to live for if not the ridiculous?
My Humo(u)r 101 class today explained why it WAS a fail, but the Blogmonster ate it. Hmph. You would have liked it, though.
You are not alone. They are trolls of a different sort, but trolls all the same.
Let us dub them “funless trolls” and banish them to a cage as well!
Seconded!
Let’s give Seward a second chance. She brought pink boas to the mix. Who doesn’t love pink boas?
So, you’re buying Seward’s folly?
Alaska good price and see if she will sell.
I wouldn’t worry about the financing, I hear they have Fairbanks up there.
Alaska you the same question, my sweet.
Whatever you do, just don’t go off half-baked Alaska.
I think she’s only half-baked.
*clutches sides, laughing*
Great minds X2.
Whatta Juneau…I was laughing so hard I forgot to pun!
You’d better give the Admiral a Kiska… He might think you’re laughing AT him!
He knows he is my Anchorage.
Well, then take him Homer!
He’s just so darned en-Deering…I can’t help myself.
Keep getting worked up like that and you’ll need a Cold Bay shower…
But then the cold water would make me say, “Eek”! And then I’d need to find a way to get warm again.
Well, I’ve got Goodnews Bay for you, your Admiral can just warm you right back up, then!
Dragon, Yukon can count on me for a warm smile.
A smile, eh?
That the best you got? I thought you were Nome far and wide for your dragon-warming abilities!
Kodiak’ed differently because we were not alone? Kenai ever live this down?
Ooooh…that makes sense. I’m such Angoon!
Wasilla of me perhaps.
It’s going to tough getting up in the morning. Goodnight.
*thinks of a really pervy reply*
*decides against it*
G’night, my Admiral.
*smooooooooooooooooch*
That’s what happens when you Russia to see the next comment.
Are you Aleutian to Sarah Palin’s ridiculous comment there?
Oh, I didn’t Ketchican what he meant there. Nicely done!
I can’t Denali… this is an excellent fun pun run.
And Dewar’s makes one fallacious.
Purple boas. They’re a rather racist lot…
You prefer helmets?
Aside from the one I own, no, thank you but I don’t.
I make helmets out of leather and 40s vintage lenses and latex and paper.
Ummm.. whatever floats your boat?
My boat is yar, I’m good.
Yar matey! Shiver me timbers.
Thirdeded!
I second this motion.
Troll is a troll is a troll…
Is a billy goat?
Lives under bridges, is bested by goats.
Those wiley lil goats.
And coyotes
Wiley coyotes are super geniuses
I agree. But they never get their man…perhaps they should buy from somewhere other than Acme.
i dont get it what was the title supposed to be?
Next week on Mystery Theatre…
no comment..
Dang. the person who sent this in is awesome… i wonder where she found it???? hmmm
I know, right? Where the hell does one find a book? The image is clearly not from Amazon, which has every publication in image form since the Dead Sea Scrolls. However would one find a book on QUILTING?? It boggles the mind.
test
C+ with reductions for penmanship.
… *snork* That reminds me of my brother, who didn’t get the concept of “x-ing” meaning “crossing” and thought it was pronounced “zing” until last year.
He’s a sophomore in high school.
I sure hope not, she’s old and wrinkly.
she might be Hilary Clintons grandma… 10 years ago… or 20.
Seriously…I quilt with these ladies and they all say it! They think it’s funny if not cheezy…young quilters don’t say that…we’re not all Grandmas! LOL
O rly?
I saw this today at the fabric store
That’s just ScaryO.o
Oh my…..
THAT IS SCARY AND THE IMAGE THAT CAME INTO MY HEAD WHEN I SAW THAT WILL SCAR ME FOR LIFE.
fuk you all
ha my mom has that book. my sister and I had the same thoughts about the title.
Having met Eleanor in person, I gotta say, the title is more apt than you’d think. (Two words: feather boa.) She’s hilarious. Definitely one of a kind. Totally worth learning from if you’re a quilter–or a comedian.