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» 247 Failures in Communication
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first?
really?
yes.
Good.
Is it?
No.
You have no idea.
It depends on your definition of ‘idea’.
It depends on your idea of a definition.
It defines on your dependance of an idea.
It idealizes your definition of dependence.
It’s on your idea of depending definitons.
*sighs, pulls out Grammar Gun*
Bondfan, you got to get it together man. I let you off on misspelling dependence, but “definitons”?
I’m sorry, man, you’re just out of it today.
*slaps self*
That’s better. My grammar powers are back.
What were we talking about again?
The idea of depending definitions.
Your dependence on definitions is not a good idea.
Boobs!
Sigh…deconstructionism at work.
What a debacle!
An ocular debacle or a vernacular one?
Ocular, of course.
Better that than an aural debacle.
Consult the oracle to settle the debate.
Uh-oh…
The Oracle’s just another part of the Matrix.
Yes, Delphinitely.
(Psst, Shadow, BFF also misspelled ‘lasagne’ on the previous fail. Get him!)
But there is no spoon.
It is only a game…
My 2 kids were planned.
In the backseat of a car….*G*
12 years apart*
That was SOME car!
…I think after the second one, I may have bought a new car.
…or had the upholstery cleaned.
I was thinking more along the lines of the old joke, “I broke my arm twice in the same place!”…”Man, you should quit going to that place then!”
But I concur. Cleaning the upholstery would be a good idea.
take automotive advice from ku klux katy
no, you were an accident
stupid.
kids in the backseat cause accidents…
…and accidents in the backseats cause kids. Yah, we all know that.
*yawns*
The accidental backseat kid accidenty a kid. What should he do?
Learn how you form babby. Then it might not happen again.
Babby? Is that a relation of Babar?
And to Bubba Smith?
Now, THERE’s a match I’d hate to see the offspring of. Which one would pitch, and which would catch?
Er, gee, I wasn’t thinking that far.
Well Babar is royalty…
and Bubba makes shrimp? or is that only Bubbas that are Gump too?
For reference to babby: http://www.somethingawful.com/flash/shmorky/babby.swf
I do not need the aid of your inferior human website to understand your reference, Mothperson.
Not you, but maybe someone. I am thorough.
He! All I can think of is the scenes around the doctor from The Big Lebowski. “…he’s a good doctor, and thorough.”
HAVE accidents, I don’t know how many times I’ve needed a roll of paper towells.
To clean up after the kids of course!
Uh huh. Suuuuuuuuuuuure. Nice save there, Fergie!
Win
There’s a couple of people right off the top of my head that need a card like that. “A little birdie told me you got knocked up!” Open card. “Here’s a voucher for Family Planning, fool.”
*looks left*
*looks right*
*looks at her belly*
He was more of a surprise, really.
Heeeeeeeeee!!
*pats the bun-bun*
I’ll send you a card.
I’m thinking of having another accident.
Well, you’ve come to the right place, m’dear.
Here on Failblog, we have plenty of accident-prone women, eager to pass on their secrets.
Go for it, Gal!
Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel. . .
LOL! Let it roll, baby, roll!
Creedings AA! Glad to see you back.
Your post has credence!
You guys are such cards.
It’s nice to be creeded when you approach the doors. Let me do the honors when ErickB shows up. I want to be the one that says, “Steppenwolf!”
My little brother was an accident. Wish I could have gotten Mom a card.
My son was an accident. I wanted a pony
So did I! I wonder if i could trade him in for a New Forest Pony…
Even though I’d prefer an Arabian.
Wow, I’ve heard of people trying for a boy or a girl, or even for twins, but never trying for a pony!
…..OW!
Still, rather a regular horse than a unicorn.
thats awesome XD
ha.
Ho.
… ho ho.
Merry Christmas.
Hee Hee. Christmas isn’t for another month.
Don’t remind me…
Sorry.
Oh, well. At least we’re getting close!
Indeed. The good news is, my mom just got a raise, so that fact that our nation’s economy is in the sh*thole may not affect my Christmas present count as much as I thought it would.
You’re telling me. Wait till you see the Japanese prime minister and HIS plan.
Please tell me you’re talking about the number of presents you can afford to purchase, right?
*offers shoulder*
I make a fair amount of the gifts that I give, so I’m not terribly worried this year.
Posted by Shadow, Nov. 16, 2008 @ 12:08pm
“…our nation’s economy is in the sh*thole”
Obama’s victory is having a stunning effect on the economy. At least I can now afford to drive to work…
Political pundits down hall and to the left … ( they moved their offices)
So your saving about $10 at the pump per fill up…if that makes it
affordable to drive to work, maybe you need a better job?
My tree & my gingerbread village is on diplay.
Neato! Does it have little citizens going about their daily lives?
Two are headless zombies (I got hungry)
*note to self – never invite Ryannon to a LARP*
You are over 55? My dad gets great hotel rates with LARP.
*is unsure whether Ryannon is joking or really doesn’t know what else LARP can mean*
How many HP does your dad have left? I hope you haven’t eaten his character sheet.
Accident kids! YAY
Honey, I accidenty the kids!
I guess now we know the answer to the question “what should you do?” – Send a card!
HellMark, for all your humiliation and degradation needs!
Actually, it’s a win.
Ok every body if we count to 100 without anybody messing up. I’ll give every participant a dollar. okay go: 1
2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17..18..19..20..21..22..23..24..25..26..27..28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50… 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60. 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70… 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80, 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90.. 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99…100!
…you didn’t say it could only be 1 number per post… where’s my dollar?
Here you go. *gives dollar*
“Hey, this isn’t real money! It was printed by the Montana State Militia!” – Bart Simpson
2
this is a repeat fail.
No, you’re thinking of a different card fail, under the sympathy section.
what about test tube kids?
What about inner tube kids.
Not in the street, please.
What about the tied tube kids?
Dangerous to both mother and child. and painful, the fallopian tubes don’t stretch the way the uterus does.
What about you tube kids?
Cabbage tube kids?
Boob tube kids.
Teletubies
Tube top kids…
What an Aldous comment.
huxley?
“Sorry you’re knocked up. Guess you’ll be safer next time!”??
We were ALL accidents.
Is that what they told you? Oh, your poor battered self-esteem…
ALL OF US ALL OF US ALL OF US
*runs away crying*
*looks around*
Move along here, people, nothing to see.
Here. I’ll help.
*cordons off area and place two guards*
Sets up camera, lighting and sound recorder.
Organizes press conference on opening of new exhibition.
Makes coffee.
Sets up snack bar.
Adjusts the sound and lighting.
“Who the hell is masturbating?? We’re about to go on air!”
That was me. I’m sorry. The goat just doesn’t know how to keep quiet..
Hey, have you heard the joke ‘what’s the difference between masturbation and beastiality’?
As a matter of fact, I have not.
‘The goat’.
*masturbates*
What if the goat was dead? It would be an inanimate object. A self-aid, if you will.
Or am I just beating a dead goat now?
Hey, have you heard the joke ‘what’s the difference between masturbation and necrophilia’?
……*snork*
Haha! I got nothin’.
Masturbation fail.
*lifts frosty beverage up and toats to PPP*
To the bestest necro-beasty lover in the interwebs! Cheers!
toasts (one too many frosty beverages)
beastie (okay, maybe more than one)
*hands Sammy another frosty beverage*
…What? This is fun!
Whoa. I’ve got some catching up to do. *chug, chug*
That’s true, JasonK ran away.
I was an accident. It explains a lot.
I hear 30% of fish in the Northern Atlantic are accidents, so you are not alone fluffy.
Whoa… That’s LESS than half!
We’re all a part of a larger plan.
The zombie apocalypse? Hells yes.
I wouldn’t call this a fail. It was done intentionally, so this is political correctness fail at best.
Riiiiight….
I fail to see the political correctness… is there a card for that?
It is just out of shot next to the ‘patronising’ and ‘utterly insensitive’ cards.
And is completely blocked by the ‘unbelievably pretentious’ cards.
Oh! I see it. Was right behind the “Congratulations! Your mother in law is dead” cards.
Just above the “Gee, I’m real sorry your mom blew up” cards.
Two rows down from “Yes, your ass does look fat in those pants” cards.
Damn. They’re out of “I see you’ve been doing some home
improvements!”
…*open the card*…
“Congratulations on your divorce!”
cards.
Ba-dum CHING!
Nice.
I send sympahy cards to the bride & groom, you’ld have to know me. They are appreciated!
sympathy
[NOOB ALERT] Don’t you mean “*sympathy”? [/NOOB ALERT]
no i mean symphony
I think you mean cacophony.
Be funnier if it were catastrophe…..
Or castration.
No, it’s a fail. I’m pretty sure what it means is not “Oops, you’re having a baby that you didn’t mean to have!” but rather “Hey Kid, sorry to hear you had an accident!”
Inside of card:
“I’m so sorry…that you exist”
Hehe.
Actually, it was my aunt and my uncle’s birthdays (they’re not married, they’re siblings) and for my uncle, we got a card that said, “On this day many years ago, a women gave birth to a beautiful, loving baby boy.” And then on the inside… “What the hell happened?!”
A women? But “a” means one and women is plural. Singularity and plurality. Together. Hmmm. Why hasn’t the world exploded? Not enough people dividing by zero?
And ouch.
*pulls out grammar gun*
Revenge is a dish best served chilled.
With noodles
And a complimentary mint.
But don’t you DARE put any condiments on it; the chef will be very offended if you do.
This is very true. In Japan, putting things like soy sauce in your ramen to ‘touch up the taste’ is like saying to the chef, “your food tastes awful, why didn’t you put this in?”
Much better to actually say to the chef, “your food tastes awful, why didn’t you put this in?”. Or send him a card.
Chefs are known for their knives. Do you really want to say that to a person holding a sharp object?
You call that a knife? *This* is a knife!
Crikey!
no no no
it’s: croikey!
*cringes at terrible Australian accent*
I do a great Aussie accent
I also learnt that you don’t put ’shrimp’ on the barbie, but ‘prawns’.
So that’s what prawns are…
Isn’t the lack of condom-ents the very reason for this card section in the first place?
^^^^WIN
cold noodles? YIKES!
To any kid who gets that card, I only have this to say: ouch. This is no time to bring up Anubis dressing up as a fox. It’s always a good time to bring up Led Zeppelin. Wooh, Led Zeppelin. Makes everyone feel better, even accident kids.
Hopefully, those cruel cards play a Led Zeppelin song when opened or come with some Zeppelin. Zeppelin makes everything better.
Hey, you forgot to mention Led Zeppelin!
Indeed. I was surprised there was no mention of Led Zeppelin.
Or Anubis or foxes…c’mon capt. you’re slipping…
But he DID mention Led Zeppelin! Are you dazed and confused? He’s no fool in the rain!
Indeed. I’m the traveler of time and space to be where I have been. After all, good times, bad times; I know I’ve had my share.
Also, Led Zeppelin, anubis, and foxes. Happy now?
No….wait, yes.
But do you have your flower and your power?
No, but I do have three stuffed foxes. Why can’t I be a furry jackal Anubis-thing? I’m tired of not being an anthropomorphic jackal. Why can’t I be one? Why? Being human sucks. You have to put up with accident children and whore kids. Plus, there’s the Jonas Brothers and Hanna Montana. Two great big stains threatening all the good that Zeppelin represents. That’s why being an anthro jackal Anubis thing would rock. No wiener kid “rock”, which means more time for Zeppelin, Iron Maiden, and OLD Metallica. But I can still dream of a world without Hanna Montana, the greatest evil the world has ever seen.
Good times, bad times we’ve all had our share…
All I know is that with my current state of not being an anthro-jackal thing and Hanna Montana and the Jonas Brothers still running around out there somewhere, there’s plenty more bad times coming up. Enough to leave one dazed and confused, especially with communication breakdowns happening all the time.
I approve of cards for when a child wets the bed. It provides both comfort to the child and also can be used to soak up some of the mess.
Yeah, but buying a card every time the kid wets the bed can get pretty expensive.
Sure, but a child who accidentally the bed deserves a card.
They have cards for kids who wet their pants? That should add to the clock tower population.
Feliz enuresis a ti,
Feliz enuresis a ti,
Feliz enuresis mi querido,
Feliz enuresis a ti.
Y muchos más!!
Feliz navidad?
Bounty Card.
http://www.failpics.com
Dear Moron,
Please be informed that I prefer receiving my spam by email.
Thank you
Surely calling him a moron would be an insult to all morons?
But calling him a Fail would be an insult for all the Fails
Touché, loufail.
I clicked the link. MOST (not all, but most) of those FAILS were already posted here. I did find the Homer Simpson “EPIC FAILURE” quite funny, though.
*shot* *shotshotshot*
You mean a “Whooops you did it again” card?
Everyone below is gay
Yes, I’m happy. What’s your point?
I’m quite cheerful too. What is he trying to say?
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
I feel pretty, oh so pretty
So West Side.
Giggidy giggidy.
Are you trying to say you had an accident?
Look at the Flintstones!
There’s a free condom inside every “Accident Kids” card.
Flavored?
This is not a fail.
Determination of fail fail.
Please to explain…
Be glad to. Someone judged this event as a fail. It isn’t, hence they fail. The fail accuser failed. He failed head over heels in fail. Do you fail like I fail? Good fail bad fail you know I’ve had my share. I love the smell of fail in the morning.
Your explanation…fails.
I hope he likes the smell of it in the morning.
Objection, Your Honor. Nonresponsive. Please instruct the witness to answer the question.
By rule you should never use a word to define itself. So your superfluous “explanation” with the usage of the word fail, is in and of itself EPIC failure.
I was an accident.
*whimper*
Hehe. Unique.
How do you catch a special rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.
He!
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
…so he doesn’t accidenty pregnant?
“So, you got really drunk and forgot there are a million kinds of birth control available?”
*open card*
“OOPS! I mean…Congratulations!”
Congratulations! You got rhythm!
I had rhythm, and then I accidenty pregnant.
Dammit, same joke fail.
*is forgetful*
Who could ask for anything more?
Cards for when words aren’t enough. Like when the condom breaks or he forgot to pull out soon enough
That’s a win if I ever saw one.
This is just being plain stupid
do they have any that say “I’m sorry, but the condom broke, so uh.. happy accidental birthday..”
The accident card has a picture of thier new and adoptive parents *nods*
The card to the right of it is called “Wanted Kids” and has money and a lollipop.
and No, I don’t know how the lollipop fits in the card.
My mom actually got me a card that said:
“Hope that your birthday is full of good cheer
If they’d invented the pill sooner, you wouldn’t be here.”
Mom is so cool…..
WIN
wow! specially made cards for disaster girl?
Dear Son.
Never loved you, never will.
Sincerely,
Dad