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Cheezburger Network Blog
FIRST
HAR!
What a MORON!
“I only had one, officer, honest,” (but it was a gallon)
No, no, no – it goes, “I only had one glass occifer. I’m not shure how many times they filled it, but I only had one glass, I suwear!”
Ya see, occifer, I’m jush drivin’ fer my friend here, kuz ‘eez had a li’l too muchsh to drink, see.
I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
What’s the officer, problem?
whats the occifer, problem
I am not sure what is the bigger fail…
The drunk guy, or the fact that the police officer was trying to “make a line” in a parking lot…
There’s no blood in my alcohol system, ossifer!
The police dog was funnier than the drunk, and WAAAYY funnier than you comic wonders.
You know, you really should stop talking to yourself, people will think you’re insane. I think you will find, if you were to take a stroll down the comments section, that BondFan has graciously provided a straitjacket for you, obvious Comedy Guru. No, really, we insist.
Sorry…stunned…with…Oddjob…about…to…kill…me.
Please…get…it…yourself.
*takes straitjacket*
*totally overlooks Oddjob, and the potential he (me) has to help with BondFan’s situation*
*activates watch with eyes*
*watch fires single poison dart at Oddjob’s forehead*
Tut tut Mr. Bond. *Dart point bends on forehead and falls to the ground*
*picks up PPK and bends it in half*
*Begins to hurl various hospital equipment and the odd attendant at Mr. Bond*
*unzips pants revealing A………………………lightsaber*
Why use a fuckin tape measure to judge whether that dude is drunk? He’sFuckin DRUNK!!! PERIOD!!!
Right…
I’m afraid your particular lightsaber has malfunctioned. It’s stuck in the OFF position.
The schwartz is not strong with this one.
Careful. He might use his Water Gun or Bubble Beam attacks on you.
Oh NO! Not those!
If you’ll pardon me…
OH NOEZ!
Oh nose?
*puts foot in mouth*
See, now I feel like a terrible person. I’m not picking on you on purpose, Shadow, I swear.
No, you’re picking his noez…
Nuh uh. You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.
RIP, George. We miss you.
Hey, can anyone tell me the forecast for tomorrow?
I don’t know, but I’m sure glad those folks in Milwaukee survived the weekend.
*rustles in*
Why is the cop putting down a straight line with tape… in a parking lot filled with straight lines???
No, it’s, “My friends and I shared a bottle of liquor. I had the first drink and my portion was on the bottom.’
The guy in the video or JonProject?
Only the shadow knows
you mean the force knows
the force be with you.
Come to the dark side, we have cookies
Come over to the dark side, we’ll put little flamesicles on your car, it’ll be like so cool…
The force blows.
Ahh…so THAT’S why women are so attracted to jedis…
…nightly
That, and they’re glowing light sabres. Makes it easier to find in the dark *grins*
Hee!
There three types of Force sides. The Light side, The Dark side and the Naughty side^^
Jeez, can you guys stop that? The pressure kind of gets to you after a while!
A/S/l??? U CYBER???
Right…
*looks around*
Does anyone here speak Gibberish?
We all do.
Sorry, I’m only fluent in Gobbledygook.
I speak a little flummery. Will that do?
Psssst… Coyote, there was yet another accident tonight!
You’re having me on. Is the street poorly designed o
r are the drivers incompetent?
That should read: You’re having me on. Is the street poorly designed or are the drivers incompetent?
This one involved cops and drawn guns. And yes, I think the street is VERY poorly designed. EVERY time it rains.
Have you not got a web cam so we can all share in the fun?
According to the Urban Dictionary we may have a stalker here.
A/S/L = “age/sex/location. used mostly in chatrooms by people who are either pedophilic stalkers or else very lonely people.”
I think I’ve had one of those. Does it count if they pretend to be gay?
I don’t know of any rule book, but in my opinion: yup.
The only stalker that I have knowingly seen was the guy putting celery in the vegetable department.
*rimshot*
OK, Shadow might not know all the evil that lurks in men’s hearts, but I’d be willing to be he can see your child predator gloves.
Under Pressure!
What were those strange alien noises in the background?
These comments should be moderated like the ones on The Daily WTF. Then people wouldn’t post this crap.
I think people would still FIguRe out a wayS to do iT.
-a
I aGrrEE.
What crap would you have them post?
Our crap.
dumb cop.
Total cop win! I bet he pulls that “Here, help me extend this tape measure, now put it on the ground” trick just so he can scream with laughter on the inside when they take a header into the pavement.
Yeah, why not use the lines that are already on the ground?
Well done. Now that is over perhaps you can crawl back under your rock.
He can’t, it was repossessed. Damn economy.
SECOND!!!
and that’s some good quality sound
FINISH HIM!
Flawless victory.
I didn’t remember which game that was from so I checked the urban dictionary:
1. Flawless Victory
The act of taking a poop and upon whiping yourself you discover nothing on the toilet paper….It’s completely clean. This event has been known to make peoples day.
Mark walked out of the bathroom with an odd grin on his face; this was because he just had a flawless victory.
2. flawless victory
Mortal kombat term of perfect
I just emailed that to my entire department. Thanks.
I laughed so hard I think I broke a rib. Thanks.
I laughed so hard I think I ruined my chance at Flawless victory.
This comment has been known to make my day.
the funniest part of this comment is you are closer to spelling “whipping” than you are “wiping.” I’m imagining a guy taking a crap and then somehow whipping himself.
Someone must have already taken the p.
Sorry. I used it. :p
No need to apologize. Everyone needs to take one now and then.
I’m sure “whipping” yourself after taking a dump is some kind of fetish. Wiping?
I’m in tears.
::golf clap::
Ointment is available.
parking lot win in 3 – 2 – 1
i’m surprised thee cop didn’t start laughing
I’m sure he was. On the inside. Telepaths for miles around heard his guffaws.
Psykers*
The real fail here, is that the cop was trying to get a straight line, if you look at the ground, there are many straight lines right there.
NURSE!
Well, I guess he failed the drunk test.
I’m not so sure, I mean, he fell over before the test even began.
/headpavement
You’re not so sure? How can falling over before the start of the test be a pass?
MAJOR fail. Apparently he should have studied more for the test.
*facepalm*
*faceconcrete*
Best FST I ever administered: When I demonstrated the finger to nose test, then had the subject do the test, he thought he was supposed to touch MY nose with the tip of HIS finger… He leaned forward off his seat and faceplanted onto the deck of the boat. He failed every test I gave him, except for the “lean forward, and put your hands behind your back” test. But I helped him with that one… Ah, the good ole’ days…
Boat?
BUI, boating under the influence. In Florida, it’s exactly the same as driving a car, and it affects your driver’s license the same way.
Uh… never come to Chicago during sailing season, OK?
Not for any particular reason mind you, just… um… yeah.
I’d rather go for *facepavement*
Ah, it’s the ever tricky “place the tape measure on the ground without falling” routine. Clever officer.
Yeah, cause he totally needed to snap a chalk line in that parking lot full of pre-painted ones!
Obviously, the police officer was trying to perform a subtle form of police brutality because of the presence of the camera in his car. This was a tricky of hitting the drunk guy without actually hitting him.
*insert the word way between tricky and of*
So to use the hand dryer we should just get it drunk and ask it to help out measuring something on the floor?
Try to hit the no-hit drunk guy without hitting him.
That’s also part of the test. The drunker you are, the less likely you are to realize that there are lines already there.
I’m convinced that field sobriety tests are performed purely for the amusement of the police officer.
I would agree, since in this case there are already lines available for use…
I disagree. They are also performed for OUR amusement.
My husband is a police officer. This story would have been told at many drunken parties afterwards. For years. Until I cut his tongue out.
They should make that story into a movie. It’s got it all–cops, booze, and a surprise ending!
As a police cadet, I actually agree. Field sobriety tests don’t actually prove anything. They really only give you an idea that they’re drunk (which you can usually tell anywho…). Heck even the field “breathalyzer” isn’t admissible in court. A BAC test has to be redone at the station (by either blood, breath, or urine) to determine their actual blood alcohol content. Then there is the fact that field sobriety tests are amazingly fun to watch (especially when you consider that lots of people can’t pass them sober).
Aw, come on, that guy is SO sober. There’s no way that officer could stick him with any kind of intoxication thing, no, not a chance.
If you watch closely you can see the cop taser him.
his new nic name is flat head
He prefers hlat fead.
that’s because he broke his thinker
I was thinking “fat head”, ’cause of the swelling.
If you turn up the volume really high you can hear the drunk say “Don’t taze me bro”
Haha, and if you hold a lobster up to your ear, you can hear it say “Don’t braise me, bro”. True fact.
All true. Also, if you go down to the beach and hold a bikini blonde up to your ear you can hear her scream. LOL.
The scientific method: priceless.
Picking up blondes: you’re doing it wrong!
Yes, you must pick up a blonde as if she were a six-pack. One finger in each soggy hole.
In the bible, between John 11:16 and John 11:17, the ancient scribes deliberately destroyed passage John 11:16a, where Lazarus distinctly tells Jesus, “Don’t raise me, bro!”
In Star Trek (I think The Original, though I can’t remember the episode), a hostile alien approaches the away team during their mission. He/she/it tries to attack, but when the away team raises their weapons, the alien cries, “Don’t phase me, bro!”
If you go to a pasture where a cow is munching on some grass and put your ear down to the ground, you can hear the grass crying out in teeny, tiny voices, “Don’t graze me, bro!”
I’ve heard of this before, crye grass I believe.
If you go down to the dark hole where all the suicidal kids hang out, you ccan hear them crying out, “Don’t save me, bro!”
can*
Stuttering fail
When I get the trimmers out to cut my sons hair you can hear all the little hairs on his head crying “Don’t shave me, bro!”
Twice a year, when filling out a performance review and then talking it over with the boss, many people will say “Don’t appraise me, bro!”
If you listen really closely while the construction workers are repairing the streets, you can hear the road cry out, “Don’t pave me, bro!”
And the beauty salon on a Saturday afternoon, there is a veritable shriek from long strands of women’s hair, crying out, “Don’t permanent wave me, bro!”
And the Zombies yelling out as the machete comes down:
don’t grave me bro’
Every year, at colleges across the land, lowly pledges yell “Don’t haze me bro!”
As the beam of light falls from the flying saucer, the simple farmer cries out in fear. “Don’t daze me, bro!”
Timmy stood in front of the classroom. He tried his best to disappear into the wall behind him, but the teacher insisted on telling the class how he saved his little brother’s life yesterday. Timmy stared at his feet and kept mumbling to his teacher “Don’t praise me, bro!”
And when you watch this joke get rehashed again and again and again, if you listen closely, you can hear this thread saying, “Don’t rephrase me, bro!”
A new Smokey the Bear ad campaign is starting, with an animated tree saying, “Don’t blaze me, bro!!!”
Despite Shadow’s valliant attempt to kill this thread, the comments continue on, with each new poster thinking, “That don’t faze me, bro.”
Aw, I made Shadow sad.
I sowwy.
“post more cliches, bro!”
“This thread stays, bro!!!”
As the potter approaches the clay, it say “Don’t glaze me, bro!”
When a group of box hedges are newly bought, you can hear the leaves shrill, “Don’t maze me, bro!”
Couldn’t help it.
I wanted to maintain a cool, detached demeanor, but you all totally ruined it for me. I should have just come out and said, “Don’t amaze me, bro!”
(And the skillet I used for cooking my steak for supper tonight saw that bottle of wine coming and shouted, “Don’t deglaze me, bro!”)
Did you hear the steak whimper, “Don’t braise me bro”?
No but if you listen closely you can hear the charcoal say, “Don’t blaze me, bro!”
Wow. For as far as we had to travel for that joke, I can’t even see my house anymore.
OOOOH SHIII
-take mushrooms.
where?
Ok!
*takes mushrooms*
wheeeeeeeeeeee…… X_X
*SWAT bursts in*
Let’s go, go, go!
*FBI arrive by helicopters*
I’m freaking out man.
Okay then, let’s put you in the psychaiatric ward!
Do I get one of those jackets so I can hug myself all day?
You do, and you are also watched by the nice doctors who give you cosy sleepy medicine every 6 hours.
Mmmm. . .NyQuil.
I wish. I really. really do.
I’ll be back in 15 or so, I have to get some laundry started. Nothing like house work when you feel like death warmed over.
And yes, this is an improvement from yesterday!
*comforts avis* Have you a touch of the bird flu?
They’re coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!
They’re coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa
To the funny farm. Where life is beautiful all the time and I’ll be
happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they’re
coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!!!
Where is that song from, exactly?
It’s by Napoleon XIV, aka Jerry Samuels.
Also attributed to Dr Demento.
Why exactly are those called “straight” jackets anyway?
According to Wiki, the term ’straight’ comes from ’strait’ or ‘narrow’ or more accurately ‘tight’.
Was that a rhetorical question?
It wasn’t a rhetorical question. It seemed on odd choice of names for
a jacket that wrapped you around yourself. Thank you!
*stunned*
This is the first time I’ve been thanked by a Failblogger!
Oh my god, Avis, you’ve actually stunned him! Thank you!
*tries to be polite, most of the time*
If you look at some of the past fails, I say “thank you” when it is
appropriate.
And while Mr. Bond is stunned. . .*Rips off mask to reveal Oddjob!*
Bbut…I…electrocuted…yyou?!
Must…reach…for…pistol…
Is Befuddle-a-BondFan affiliated with Confuse-a-Cat?
You’re thinking of Vex-A-Vole.
It was cozy sleep medicine that made the guy in the fail fall.
“Sleep… poppies…” BONK!
I’m freaking in tonight. It’s cold out.
’tis cold, might snow.
its probably cold out cause its winter.
I think I’m dead.
You ARE freaking out … man.
quick call 911! Or better yet just give me another brownie.
It’s 999 in the UK you know…
Silly girl, your phones only have three numbers on ‘em.
Are all three numbers a 9?
No, they’re sixes, you’re looking at it wrong.
Satan’s phone!!!
Call Damien collect…
Why, look at all these friendly people! Come in, friendly people! What are you so excited about?
These are your interrogators.
That’s what the Pretentious White Girl said.
That was a drunk TEST fail, but definitely a drunk win.
The police guy is like: ROFL nuub.
Fancy that terrible police officer pulling on the tape when the guy bent down. What did he expect?
It’s just like having a rug pulled out from under one.
(one what, I won’t say.)
That’s not a drunk fail. That’s a sobriety fail. It’s a drunk win.
Epic win, even.
Well, that made my afternoon!
Mine too.
it’s all good.
I like this new sobriety test.
This explains why there were always pebbles in my teeth Sunday mornings during my college years
you kept your teeth?
Strong teeth, good genes
*flashes blinding smile”
That started with an asterisk and ended with apostrophes.
Quotation mark
That’s the one. Thanks, cicili.
or a double apostrophe…
*blushes*
My bad…
Again, slightly off topic, but Helena Handbasket would be a great name for a drag queen. Along with Hedda Lettuce, Birtha Vanation, Virginia Hamm and Rachel Tension.
Hedda Lettuce IS the name of a drag queen.
I watch too much Project Runway…
OMG I was about to say the same thing! Pixie! Let’s talk Project Runway.. remember what a bitch Hedda Lettuce was?
All the complaints about the gloves! I thought those gloves were awesome.
Me too! Perfectly fitting for a hedda lettuce. “were you too lazy to make sleeves?
It was one of the only moments in the whole season that I actually liked Suede.
Oh I know. The way he talks about himself in third person. Eeeeew. Did you see the collection he had in Fashion Week?
*thinks they would make great roller derby names too*
An off-topic question: How come every dialogue in here becomes off-topic?
on topic can become boring in a hurry.
sometimes.
How would you like your answer, on-topic or off?
I don’t like the nuts in Topic.
The fruits aren’t too fresh, either.
Be wary of the hot topic.
Don’t burn your mouth on that hot pocket.
It’s more fun that way. Really, how many interesting comments can one make
about most of the fails here.
.
Thread drift, it’s not just a good idea it’s the law.
Why not?
There she is!
Uh, what did I miss?
Nothing. I meant to wave.
*waves*
TSUNAMI!!!
*surfs*
Typical FEMA response.
FEMA actually responded?!
In a manner of speaking.
Not to mention all that paperwork.
They comprehensively responded. They woke up and noticed the tsunami. They realized they were in no danger and resumed sleeping.
Federal snooze alarm?
yup. Hit it and the alarm goes off again 6 months later.
Bless you!
Dank you. Do you have a dissue?
*sniff*
I dink I’ve got a cold.
That was NOT my fault!!!
I hope sho.
*HAAATCHOO!*
*HAAAATCHOOO!*
Are you sure?
Awww…
*sets up a bed*
There, there, rest your head now. Would you like some chicken soup?
Yes plea-
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
*sigh*
They’re so much cuter when they’re sleeping, aren’t they?
It seems such a shame to draw all over his face but very tempting.
*wakes up*
Aah, I feel better.
Hello, Dr. Have you come to see me?
And who is that hideous person in the mirror?
This is why I never fall asleep here.
*grins*
Indeed.
*Handing box of kleenex to bondfan* Now share with Avis.
Okay.
*sniff*
Thank you!
*tries not to sneeze on BFF*
*puts on hazmat suit*
I don’t think Ryannon has a troll anymore.
No, he’s now making eyes at you, Avis! With the amount of attention he’s giving you, it must be looooooove.
He’s a fickle one, though, isn’t he?
Oh goody. Just what I always wanted.
I thought we established this already. He’s not fickle, he’s 12.
Shadow, did you read his posts from this morning? He spent some time and effort on them. Not to mention the research necessary to even comment.
I’ll bet he’s really good-looking. With great teeth.
Lol, no. I try to avoid reading any comments posted by established trolls. I merely skipped right over them.
He read my blog. And then commented at least 4 times here about it. But not there. I find that funny for some reason.
Seriously?
*pleads for a pardon for what is coming next*
I can haz irony?
I wonder if he likes clown suits and going to kids parties?
He likes clown suits and going to ass parties.
Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey?
*waves back*
Oh, I am not operating at full steam here, please pardon me. For a minute I thought you had a troll you wanted me to attend to. I do enjoy a good troll-stomping.
There have been a few but they were too slow to rise to the bait.
I just realized I have not been insulted in over 24 hours. *ponders*
*hangs ‘Gone Fishin’ sign up*
Can I go with you?
Sure, there’s enough room in the boat I think.
Insults are down the hall…this is the Argument Department.
I believe you are mistaken. Now hold your head down. Remember, “Waaah!”
No it isn’t.
Good, I like a good argument…
No you don’t.
Would you like a one-time argument or a full seminar?
Neither! Gosh, don’t you know anything about me?!
Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be zinged before the night is done.
The song went “Zing went the springs in my arse” or something.
Good morning
Vietnam
‘morning. My goal is to sleep the flu away. It appears to be working.
Because it’s very hard for some of us to concentrate on the task at hand and not go off on
.
Wanna go ride bikes??
roller skate.
—————
—–/\-O–/—
—-/–/-\/—-
——/——–
—–/–\——
—-/—-\—–
–LOL—LOL–
—————
-^O,<^- hoot hoot
(.(,,,.,,,).)
(Horned/y Owl)
LOLler skating!
How many kids with ADD does it take to
I dont get that.
Why are they trying to tape that thing to the ground???
Since its a drunk test I guess he was supposed to proove that he could walk on the line. Is that the reason why they are doing that?
if it is, I would say its a COP FAIL! I mean, they are obviously in some kind of parking lot. There are streight lines all over the place and you dont need to fucking tape one on the ground…
Are you being ironic? Or have you just never been drunk enough to understand?
yeah but if he had used one of the lines already there, we wouldn’t be able to laugh at the drunkness of the drunk guy
Why would you place a tape line when you could be using the painted lines in the parking lot?
So they could make him fall on his face.
Oo! Clicky my name and you’ll see my absolute favorite “drunk test” ever!
Absolutely the best EVER!
LOL, Dragon, I luv Reno 911!
Timmmmm-burp!
Pavement WIN!
In person vs. pavement, the pavement always wins. It isn’t fair.
FAILblog == CensorBLOG == FAIL!
100
Sorry, can’t celebrate. Got a bad cold.
*mixes bondfan & avis hot toddys*
*Hands them over*
Wouldn’t that be hot toddies?
prolly!
*slurp*
Aah, I feel better alread-
*BUWATCHOOOOO!*
Damn.
Now they’re hot snotties.
you bad boy, you made me LOL
I found dat (sic.) comment very funny.
Waitaminute… Eew!
Or, as Dragon would put it, weeeeeeeeee!
If you’re going to quote me, make sure you do it right boyo!
*makes popcorn*
*munchy munch munch*
Hehehe. That’s cold, mate.
You quoted Sara J, not me!
Well, it probably started while I was taking my extended vacation from failing, and you’re the only person I’ve ever seen use the phrase so…
Will you accept a meek “sowwee”?
*sigh*
I didn’t use that phrase. My “wheeeeeee!” has an aitch in it.
Subtleties, my friend…it’s alllllll about subtleties.
Chinese TV – it’s all about subtitles.
sorry, I’m in a weird f’ed up mood today.
Is it an aitch you can’t ascratch?
Indeed it is. I’ll be sooooooo glad when my Admiral gets back!
You two are so cute together?
- ?
+ !
What happened to Admiral, Dragon? I figured you had him tied up in the basement or something.
Plllbbbt…! :p
He said he might be back today, but I guess he’s not back yet since my summoning powers are having no effect.
No effect?! Are you sure?
I’m catching up on the missed fails, now. I’ll get back into the swing of things soon.
*blink blink*…
The summoning power…it is awesome.
*nestles into Admiral’s arms*
*sighs with contentment*
Awwwww…
That never seems to work for me in real life …
Awww, thankies!
*sips*
*runs out of room holding hand to mouth*
*sniffs Avis’ cup*
Laxatives?! Cicili?
Ahem, I wouldn’t be holding my mouth if that were the case.
Oh, er…
There was some ink in there too!
Good show, BondFan old boy, I think you got away with it there!
*arches one eyebrow*
Got away with what, pray tell?
*makes popcorn*
*munchy munch munch*
*arches both eyebrows*
um…you know…that…thing.
*twiddles thumbs and looks at floor*
Well? she has to get over this one way or another!
Always remember to wash your hands, especially after handling money, or touching doorknobs, shopping cart handles, and your steering wheel.
And remember to touch the paper towel dispenser without touching it.
And remember not to touch the hand dryer with wet hands, or you’ll get electrocuted.
This is a face plant. A palm tree is a plant. Therefore, facepalm.
I read that 7.2 times and I still have no idea what it means….help please.
*facepalm*
*Is VERY VERY tempted to say *napalm* but decides against it.*
*Napalm* There, I did it for you.
I’ll bring the silly puddy!
Drink as much as the guy in the video and it makes more sense XD
Uh oh. That made perfect sense to me… sober. Somebody, get me the José!
Shame on you, Jazz. If you’re going to drink tekillya (tequila), you could at least use something worthy of consumption. Hornitos for the poor, Sauza or Herradura for the moderately priced, Tres Generaciones for the good stuff. Anejo is best, Reposado is acceptable. NEVER, I beg of you, drink Cuervo.
/rant
Drunk WIN, Sobriety fail
The two kind of go hand in hand, really.
This is still a mislabeled fail!
And here he is folks! A DIFFERENT kind of troll!!
The whiney kind.
*excited*
Oh, Oh, Oh, can I have him pweeeeeeeze?
Sure, go for it! The whiney ones aren’t as much fun as the angry ones though.
They can be…I had lots of fun with Ham.
Have at him, Blue2th!
I digress, I’m outa here. See ya.
*poof*
You had a troll named Ham???? That’s too perfect.
I know…hilarious, isn’t it??
Did you carve him up?!
After roasting him on a spit.
I comment on Failblog all the time.
*takes the bait*
I don’t remember putting Dragon bait on..hmmmmm this is odd….
*realizes that he does not have enough lb test line to hold a dragon….*
OH SHI……
*snap*
AAaaaAAAAaaaaaAAAaaaaaaaaa……
*thud*
Ahh. . .the one that got away story.
Thanks, yet again. Never read Failblog in quiet places. Now I’ve woken my bettter half with my chortles of laughter. So, thanks!
We live to please!
That’s gotta be the best thing about being a cop, coming up with new ways to make drunks pwn themselves.
i think it’s pretty unfair that faceplants do hurt much more and much longer when you’re drunk. poor guy.
and bad bad cop *tztz*
Very old…
so is your mom
Really, do you know his mom?
Biblically…
*cheers* Mookie FTW! (for the win!)
I so admire your wit, what say you we go back to my place and get to know each other a little better.
*
A very oft overlook archaic use of the word
*blushes* Aw, shucks…
God this clip is old. Failblog get on your game!
No, Failblog must reject fresh, original content offered up by by their authors in place of tired, worn out internet tripe.
It’s just funnier when we’re more familiar with it! Let’s not get into anything authentic, now. God forbid we might make a new joke or something.
Seeing how the items that make it to the front page (the page where we can make comments) by being VOTED on, you can have some to do with the fails we see.
You’ll have to excuse loey, he’s having a mental recession.
For some reason I thought about those disabled chinese from last post while watching this. Stupid stereotypes.
He’ll forever had grey gravel bits in his forehead to remind him….like a scarlet letter.
that cops just thinking “uhhhh shit, how can i get out of this one..”
No, the cop’s thinking, “Gotcha, scumbag. Another idiot falls for the tape routine. Fifth one tonight. I love this job.”
Oh… oh GOD… you can HEAR the guy’s nose cracking… I will hear that in my head for… well, about 2 minutes. Thank god for my ADD… ^_^
funny thing is, the police officer has to ask if he’s alright. NO DUH
I think the real FAIL in this clip is the fact that the cop took the time to grab his duct/masking tape out of the cop car and lay a line. YOU’RE IN A FRICKING PARKING LOT! YOU JUST LAID A TAPE LINE ON TOP OF A PAINTED LINE! IDIOT!
But it was worth it to see the DRUNK FAIL.
Drinking on a Sunday night? Sabbath fail.
Hey, don’t laugh, that really hurt and I still have a scar.
watch out for that cement, it can sneak up on you
Notice the cop watching him the whole time, and never flinching as he fell. I’m not saying the cop’s a jerk for it, but it’s pretty clear this tape-schtick is designed to give drunks a good knock on the head without opening the cops to any brutality charges.
Thank you captain obvious!
I’m wondering why the cop had to put down a straight line to start with, when there were clearly straight lines already available.
I’m sure if you think really hard… and read some other comments on here you will figure it out eventually.
I just wonder why the tape was needed at all? They are in a parking lot with straight white lines everywhere. (and a few bisexual ones as well).
Are you serious?
nice one
It’s like a window into my life… seriously. But this guy’s an amateur. A true drunk would have brought the cop down with him.
oh shiiiit he went down, OMG I laughed so hard.
pre-fail.
Was the policeman drunk ? Why roll out a white line on a parking lot full of white lines ???
I’ll drink to that!
Wait. Maybe later.
*grumbles* Wish I could watch the vids at work so that I know what the heck u guys are talking about.
(
Wow!!! I think the cop is actually the The fail in the video. He was making a strait line with tape for the guy to walk when there were white lines already on the ground in the parking lot….
That surely hurts!
I’m not certain that the whole fiasco wasn’t planned by the officer. Probably was told by another officer that next time he comes across a really drunk driver, try this trick.
NHTSA has certified three field sobriety tests (FST): HGN, one-leg stand, and walk-and-turn. This looks like a beginning of a walk-and-turn test, but why bother laying down a line when you already have lines on the pavement? If there was significant grade parallel to the lines, or if the pavement was particularly rough, then you may consider laying a line someplace else, but this officer didn’t move to a new location.
good
Double fail:
Drunk falling on his face
Cop using tape when there’s already straight lines painted on the ground
Um, that is actually part of the sobriety test. It is fairly obvious that he could have used the lines on the ground, and that if not, he could have put both ends of the tape down himself. They are hoping that the person’s drunkenness will be made transparent by thier ability to follow orders, and if they fall on thier face *as is expected*, the cop can say he didn’t know it was going to happen, he was just following procedure. *as he grins all over himself*
Yeah buddy, I’d like to see YOU touch a spot six inches in front of your toes with your knees touching each other as you bend over. You’ll faceplant too. Notice the officer didn’t bend over that way.
If the way the guy was bending over was a result of the officer’s instructions then the officer was setting up a fail that had nothing to do with the sobriety of the victim. And the fact that he didn’t need to set up the line at all doesn’t fill me with confidence in his honesty.
“Free nose jobs, courtesy of Jack Daniels!”
I know, that was horrid, but I had to
HEY it’s the guy that built the sidewalk!
“You alright?
…
…
Wake up sleepy head…”
Why does he use a line of tape? he’s in a parking lot with 180 white lines on the floor! Goddamn americans! how stupid can they get?
- the answer- very.
I’m REALLY impressed the cop ddn’t just burst out laughing. I would have been in hysterics…
I’m REALLY impressed the cop ddn’t just burst out laughing. I would have been in hysterics…
The pavement smacked him in the face. That sucks.
I not under the alcofluence if icahol, but thinkle peep I am!
Double fail–the falling thing obviously, but also. . .
why in the world would the police guy need to make a line out of tape if they were standing in a -parking lot-?
Umm has everyone over looked the fact that there were many perfectly straight white lines already on the ground ? yet the cop still makes his own line wtf ??? (note i couldn’t be bothered reading all comments so this issue may have already been discussed. just throwing it out there)
i think there should be a line fail because th ecop is putting down a tape line even though there are parking lines painted right on the pavement. Duh! Should’ve checked to see if the cop was drunk.
i think there should be a line fail because the cop is putting down a tape line even though there are parking lines painted right on the pavement. Duh! Should’ve checked to see if the cop was drunk.
There was already a straight line on the ground. This asshole cop knew how trashed the guy was and what happens when blood rushes to the head like that. This cop probably also rapes his wife and beats his kids or vise versa
also- police fail: pleeeeeenty of lines in that parking lot. not need to set up a new one.
police microphone fail
maybe drunk win if he didn’t have to take the test
this video has been removed fail.
double fail there was already a line there it was a parking space
POLICE BRUTALITY!
I drunk I wasn’t swear ocifer
I actually see a bigger fail than what this guy apparently did. Why did the officer proceed to put down tape when he could have used the parking lines for the test? Talk about pure fail, no?
notice they are making a line for the guy to walk on
the parking lot is full of lines
drunk fail+cop fail combo
did he pass out?rofl
WASTED!