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I’ll touch anything anywhere whenever I damn well please, thank you.
Oh yeah, FIRST!!!!!!1!!111 ZOMG!!!!1
Gary Glitter? Is that you?
Lol, I actually find this humorous. Shows what I know.
Try touching me, and we’ll see how far you get with two broken arms and your hair on fire from being *FOOOOOOM!!*ed.
:p
being *FOOOOOOM!!*ed. ????
Oh, it’s painful. I can vouch for it.
Oh for the love of…that was months ago! Can’t we let
by*FOOM!*s be by*FOOM!*s??
I’m not saying I still begrudge you for it. You’re making assumptions. You need to stop doing that.
Actually, I was making a joke based on a false assumption, constructed specifically for the benefit of said joke so that it would have a teasing flavor while at the same time accessing an inside joke of long ago.
/Humor 101 class for today.
No learning please. It’s Sunday.
We still tell that story in my family. I’m just glad my dad isn’t dead.
If your furnace needs repair, make sure you either know EXACTLY what you’re doing or hire someone who does.
We still tell that story in my family. I’m just glad my dad isn’t dead.
If your furnace needs repair, make sure you either know EXACTLY what you’re doing or hire someone who does.
flame thrower?
or try touching Shanna Moakler in that ad to the right and see how far you get with smudges all over your monitor.
When they said I touch too much I knew;
that I’d be walkin home again
First? and wtf its URI lal
Had you not failed at first we would tell you. When you are truly first in everyone’s mind, not just yours, we will tell you.
P.S: Make sure we can understand what you’re trying to post.
I lal’d.
ZWEITE!
geh sterben
What the heck? That was unprovoked!
You sir, have made a new enemy.
Spiel nett, kinder
Was sagst du?
Mein Deutsch ist nicht so gut…
Ah. Das spielt keine Rolle. Ich bin immer noch Deutsch lernen!
Es ist ungefähr sechs Jahre gewesen, seit ich Deutsches verwendete.
Ich bin nicht überrascht. Deutsch ist nicht etwas, das Sie jeden Tag benutzen.
Ich sollte häufig üben. Traurig bin ich faul.
Sprachen erfordern einige Willenskraft.
Sehr zutreffend. Ich gearbeitet an Japaner vor kurzem, also zurückgefallen Deutscher fallen.
Wo is der bahnhoff?
Was haben Sie gesagt?
Was ist ‘bahnhoff’?
Ignorieren Sie ihn.
Gesundheit
Ich verstehe den Witz, aber “Gesundheit” kann übersetzt werden als “health”.
Ryannon für den Gewinn?
Ich kann nicht an ein besseres wort für ‘win’
Für den Gewinn in der Tat
You guys switch to Spanish and I am all over that. Let me get my dad’s wife on the phone and I can keep up with BFF in Japanese just not kanji. German, I am at a loss
Although my son is fluent.
Für die gewinnen, ja.
Alright, Ryannon, for your sake:
1. I’ll stick to hiragana in Japanese
2. try using google translator. They get it right 99.8% of the time.
You’ll lose me in Spanish. I can handle a little Japanese, a little Italian, and a little French.
I went to babelfish for the “for the win indeed” comment
.
I’m the same as pixie, except my Italian is the pits. And my Spanish.
Ryannon, good choice
While I want to go into the gutter regarding pixie’s comments, I will show a little decorum
. In that regard, I can handle most of the romance languages. I am fluent in Spanish and can read to the point of understanding any of the other romance languages.
I assume google translator = gutter?
American Sign Language, anyone…?
I only know one hand gesture and it isn’t acceptable in polite society.
Have no fear Ryannon, you won’t be in the gutter alone cause I was heading there when I read her comment too.
It always comes back to the gutter…
Being 5′almost3″ makes it hard for me to refer to any Italian, French or any other nationality as “little”. Although I must say, I am pretty tall amongst Filipinos.
I’ve got the muchkins beat, but otherwise I just come off as short.
I’m nearly six feet tall.
…*crickets chirp*…
Dammit…okay, okay!
*sits down*
Better???
Thats quite a pixie-esque quality
That and the pointy ears gave me my name.
*draws an arrow from his previous comment up to pixie’s comment*
You have peak my curiosity.
I dated a cop/MP that was 6′7. It was quite comical to see us together and he looked even bigger in his uniform. It was over when he questioned the use of chloroform and ropes
That’s what you get for not using duct tape.
*knowing look*
or a ball gag… what? *innocent look*
Oh my.
Oh boy.
Hoo boy.
Oh yes
Cold shower, party of one.
*turns on spy cameras*
“Looks away”
…I’m learning ASL, Dragonwriter.
*doesn’t look away*
And that’s very cool, Spork. I learned it when I was a speech-language pathologist, lo these many years ago.
ASL is cool. Just don’t speak to the poster.
I learned it because I could speak to the Spanish-only customers and those with atrocious foreign accents where I worked, but I couldn’t speak to the Deaf customer that came in once. It made me feel awful.
…and, unfortunately, there’s no way to speak in ASL over t3h interwebz.
Anytime someone asks asl, I just give them my own form of sign language.
To titaniumspork, there doesn’t have to be. Just because they’re deaf doesn’t mean they can’t read.
Americans have a different sign language to everywhere else?
There’s American Sign Language and British Sign Language.
So far as I know, those are the only two.
Oh, there are many more. Several countries have their own sign languages, and just because you understand one doesn’t mean you’ll understand the others. There are plenty of initialized signs and stuff that just doesn’t translate.
And Rogue, I know. I was saying it’s a pity because there’s no way to demonstrate your sign language skills in a text-based forum, like you can with other languages. And make other posters feel inadequate when they can’t understand.
And making others feel inadequate is such fun too.
So, Pixie, how big is your [non-existent] penis?
Yeah, I thought so, MUCH smaller than mine!
That’s just the cold weather making it shrink. I swear.
May I warm it up…?
*rubs hypothetical hands together*
Go right ahead dear, but be forewarned, my non-existent appendages have minds of their own.
Oh, I’m sure I can handle it…
But before we start… how old are you?
Quite a bit older than 15. I promise.
Lol. You shouldn’t hate me for being 15. If I was 11 i might be worried about how ‘exposed’ I am, but 15 is really OK. If I remember correctly, most people who sign sign in American sign language, but the french just spell everything out b/c they don’t know the words.
what happened to Earth? I’m pretty sure that no one ever thought it looked like that in history.
No, it is a photo taken by a time-traveller.
cough*Dr Who*
Mm? What’s that, my boy?
…Why are you ridiculing my age? Are you age-ist?
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. I’m desperately sorry.
…Is it me or are you being overly sarcastic?
Being a young whippersnapper myself, if you weren’t sorry, I would burn you to next week, if only I knew how
When I was your age…
*mumble, mumble*
I wasn’t being sarcastic, I was quoting Dr. Who.
Oh, I see!
It’s been a while since I last saw Doctor Who.
By the by, who do YOU want to be the next doctor?
I wouldn’t know who to cast. I haven’t gotten to watch it much recently.
Apparently, Russell T Davies (main Dr Who writer) suggested some guy called Russell Tovey be the next one.
Isn’t David Tenant supposed to stay on ’til 2010?
He is. I meant the doctor AFTER David Tennant.
David will be missed sorely. Christopher Eccleston was also one who was hard to let go of.
I think my favorite will always be Sylvester McCoy, but that’s because he’s the first I saw.
I quite like Tom Baker, but everyone has a favourite doctor.
Tom Baker was before my time…
I’m a young’un.
Sylvester McCoy? I thought his first name was Bones.
Dammit, he’s the real thing, not a doctor!
Well, one thing’s for sure:
No-one makes chips like The Real McCoy!
Just don’t let the Hatfields hear you say that.
How can they? They’re in Wales!
With Josie?
And the pussycats?
and the Pussy Cats?
And their dolls?
and their guys?
Only in the valley from which they came.
The valley of the Kings?
Lear said it best. Come not between the dragon and her wrath.
For thou art crunchy and good with ketchup!
I’m sure I’d be tastier with chocolate sauce.
Heeeeeee!!
I’ll bet Shakespeare would have thought that was funny, too.
Now my curiosity’s peaked.
*swaps out peaked for piqued*
Thanks, Ryannon. I was getting twitchy.
With all my typo’s and left out letters, I try to behave but I have a soft spot for pique and clique.
It’s what I get for not paying attention…
*chuckle* I thought pixie was continuing my play on the word from my usage when she said her ears were pointed
.
Break out the chocolate sauce and I’ll show you peaked
I was, but that’s neither here nor there, since I meant to post it on the other thread.
And Mmmmm… Chocolate.
Hmm looks like I’m not the only one who needs to be disciplined for improper post placement.
All this disciplining going on. Aggressive today.
ErickB’s been a bad bad boy *insert whip sound here*
*hides the duct tape*
No worries, I still have the ballgag he left earlier.
And on that note, time to hit the shower(cold) and call it a night.
You’re gonna get awfully clean if you keep this up.
Plus we’ll be spending all our time watching the footage.
I don’t think I’d mind watching the footage.
Footage? I was thinking inches but okay!
ErickB’s reputation grows and grows…
From the A key to the Z.
He did say he was a grower, afterall.
So…your husband…is he a grower, eh? Eh? Eh??
*nudge nudge wink wink*
HUSBAND??? What is this thing of which you speak????
Oh, FINE, Ms. Literal! I won’t be Miss Quotes for you anymore!
:p
He was 5′5 and quite the grower, thank the heavens. But I learned not to date anyone under 5′10. That whole small dog syndrome gets very nerve wracking. No offense to you men of short stature.
I fell madly in love with a guy who’s about 5′6 a few years
back. It was the brain, you know…I cannot resist the brain. He had the bad taste to be already married, though, so I never told him.
A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat!
*winks at dragon* *nudges dragon*
Sorry, I have bony elbows.
Ah well, no dating then. Hope the 5′10 rule doesn’t apply to shameless flirting, innuendos, double entendres.
yeah … looks pretty scary cO”
That’s what happens when people touch things they aren’t supposed to!!
thats what she said
lol awesome comment
Is that picture showing the apocalypse?
They say this universe is bound to blow
But I say we crank up the calypso control
I’ll gat di lime, you gat di coconawt.
Hey! You drank them both up before I got here!
Hmph.
I’ll call the doctor!
She’ll be fine so long as she shook ‘em all up.
I waited a Day-o for you but you never shook Senora.
I couldn’t help it, I was workin’ all night on a drink a rum.
Jump in the line.
OK, I believe you.
*looks for a tally man to tally me bananas*
(Bananas won’t nest below this level)
Has anyone noticed the “wont” in the nesting comment is missing an apostrophe? Nesting fail?
Well this is failblog
Plus I already passed around my bag of extra apostrophes. Fresh out.
I…um…need all mine. Yup. Can’t spare a one.
Not even one spare to share?
*glare*
Oh, okay.
*tosses on in the air*
*hands off an e in return*
*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
Thanks.
*heads for the pudding bukkit*
So you do still have it!
Well, I seem to need it so very often…
Lunchbox claims to have the innuendo machine sticking out of his pocket. If you were wondering where that was.
Lunchbox seems to have a lot going on in those pants of his. The innuendo machine, a conga line, that folded sock… What? Just sayin’!
Did he get those pants from the Swiss Army surplus store?
*touch*
o/~ You got the touch… you got the POW-ERRRR… YEEEE-EEEEAAHHH o/~
Thank you, Stan Bush.
*touches you*
great… now you broke the earth. you better pay for it
hahaha fail.
8th failure in communication!
9th I mean.
Comment counting fail :p
*FACEPALM*
Such bitter irony when a blogger summons up all his powers of wit and wisdom, tries to count and fails.
The Earth has a coat of arms? Who knew?
…Um, God, perhaps?
It figures that it would consist of bloody handprints.
But, interestingly, no carbon footprints.
Carbon handprints, perhaps?
Heh! From the photo, it appears that someone may have touched the continental shields.
Hee! Thus breaking the continental shelf. I’ll get the toolbox.
Hoo! I’ll get the reliable sewing kit.
Do it quickly, a stitch in time saves nine!
No, no. More haste, less speed!
Akshually, looks like a brand new meridian shelf was created. I like that look on earth. Now we can walk off the edge of it. Or push someone.
When the fuck did this become the “Crappy Signs Blog”?
When you started printing them.
CARBON FACESSSS. ;O
Get dirty paws off my history!
*Get your
maybe the earth will get hands on with you?
That’s a disturbing image.
(A little note for my dearest dragonfriend – Clicky my name; I thought this might interest you as I know how passionate you are about language and I found it very fascinating. Also, if you haven’t heard of Stephen Fry before, you’d love his work!)
SHUT UP WITH ALL THAT SOFISTIMAKATED WORDS!!!
Yeah he is Liar and a Washpot
That’s not overly sophisticated language. The word “clicky” was in there for God’s sake. Other than that, it was proper english. Evidently a language that you people fail to comphrehend. Perhaps I should put it in a different language. Ni mingbai ma?
oh, and it’s not “sofistimakated” it’s “sophisticated”
Gah…a humorless troll full of misguided self-importance who uses sentence fragments when berating others for their improper use of language. Hold on, let me take care of this…
*sticks a pin in Kroenen’s ego and watches as s/he zips madly around the room like a deflated balloon*
There. Now. THANK you for the little pressie, Loz, I adore Stephen Fry!
*hug!!*
*ghost of Kroenen’s ego hovers next to Dragon and glares angrily*
Dragon! I called the ghostbusters!
*grins at ghost and winks*
Thank you for the link. I’ve been a fan since A Bit of Fry and Laurie.
“NI!”
“NO!”
“NI!”
“noo, noo”
“no, NI!”
“aaah, allright i’ll tell you what you want to know…”
ok, some of you may not get this, but anybody who knows monty python will!
A shwubberwy?
We are now the Knights who say “Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z’Bang, zoom-Boing, z’nourrrwringmm”.
It’s just a flesh wound.
You have no legs!!
What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
African or European?
What? I don’t know tha-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!!!
Now you know, by asking someone to click on you, the rest of us can’t keep our hands off. You might want to put up a sign that says “Please Do Not Touch”.
I know I can’t keep my hands off.
I read his blog occasionally. The man is brilliant. I’m willing to bet Dragonwriter is familiar with Blackadder, if not Jeeves and Wooster.
“And if *that* doesn’t leave me without a stain on my conscience, then I don’t know what it doesn’t leave me without a stain on.”
Your gamble paid off, Admiral…now c’mere and let me tell you what you’ve won.
I loved “A Bit of Fry and Laurie”. When Laurie became House it took me forever to get used to it.
True story: My sister-in-law, who is an actress on a very popular television show, once did a pilot show with Hugh Laurie that never aired. But, she became good friends with him. Well, a few Christmases ago she gave me a House DVD set as a present. That evening, we were sitting on the couch and she got a text message, so she read it. A few minutes later, she turned to me and said,
“Oh…Hugh Laurie says to say ‘Hi’ and wants to know if you liked the DVDs.”
I’m not a “starstruck” kinda person, but that made me stammer a little!
Awwwww! That’s awesome!
And now that I have made myself late because I could not stop reading that article, I just wanted to give you a quick “thank you” for linking to Mr. Fry before I dash off.
You’re welcome Admiral, I’m glad he is so appreciated in America!
I, too, was late for work from reading the article, and I didn’t even finish it!
*chuckle* Well luckily for me I was at work when I started reading it … so wasn’t late just ignored work for a bit.
-feels up Loz’s name-
First the no-touch touch sensor, then the sock psuedo-promo. Now this. Failblog’s puzzles keep getting trickier. The answer is two foxies and Led Zeppelin. Final answer.
It’s a blue eyed, white devil consipiracy to keep the failblog down!
Frank Sinatra has a conspiracy?!?!?!?
Hisself is red and scaly with a biffurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork
I bet my Ex-wife made that sign. Sure sounds like her……
Emphasis on ex?
Or emphasis on sex? As in no more sex with her?
Around here, the emphasis is always on sex.
Then I am moving (coming would be much of a pun) soon to someplace near you.
Since when is there such a thing as ‘too much pun’ around here?
The PUNdits prevail again
How punctilious of you!
I try to keep my comments PUNctual.
Where as I should be PUNished for my failure to refresh before posting.
While PUNy singly, when enmass they are PUNderous and nigh unstoppable.
Careful, or you’re liable to be punted right out of the thread!
He is a sPUNky one.
And a glutton for punishment!
A single joke sPUN into a thread? Just like old times…
Please try to touch no touch Hands On History without touching it.
I think someone already touched it…the Earth is looking a little off balance.
It’s supposed to be off balance… by about 23 degrees. Did you fail science?
No it was really that way (when I was doing push-ups)
Which is more fail- the sign or the fact that the picture of Earth is slightly off?
I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
crap, that was supposed to go under the monty python comments.
posting fail
It it’s any consolation, it was funny all three times you posted it.
it actually posted 3 times? why can’t i see it more than once? hmm…
hit the “show all” link. You might have posted it on page 2 or 3 and you’re only seeing the one on page 1.
the solution is to touch”not touch”, exivition without touching it
if touched people will be executed and have their dicks removed.