Paper Towel Dispenser Fail
Submitted by insomniacwhirlwind
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CLICK.
This is an easy riddle. Just use your telekinesis.
I bet Uri Geller could operate that machine.
Ruflz!
Ruffles?
Maybe he meant “roll under floor laughing.”
use your shirt to touch it
Yeah, great suggestion, but, uhm, still, the problem remains though..
Touch this with you hand, by not using yours fingers or palm or back of hand.
Eeeeewww. Put that away!
funnny ..failllll
luke! use the force!
What exactly is ‘under the floor’? Concrete?
Chuck Norris could do it.
well… d’uh! But what about the rest of us wet-handed people?
chuck norris doesnt get wet, water gets chuck norris.
A touch of common sense might do it.
The rarest of all the powers!
Use the Force Luke!
I accidently the ‘no touching’ sensor without it
Be careful not to it.
action verb fail!
Mega FAIL
Concentrate, focus power.
FALCON TOUCH!
Roffle sauce.
WHAT ??
/confused
you’re HOT!
i know i am
Rolling on the floor floor laughing e…?
Wax on, Wax off
*wax off*
WIN
*Jacks off*
*Jacks on*
The Jacker, As Seen On TV
that seems like an inefficient way to turn off the lights.
Not if you have good aim.
That 12 lb weightloss on the 500 lb woman on the entry page is AMAZZeZZING!! did she skip a snack?
Why yes I did! And thank you for noticing!
I love how she changed races when she lost weight.
THAT”S AMAZING!!!!
Oooh, did she have that laser surgery?
12 lbs, must have skipped the ‘do you want FRIES with that’.
Use an Epilady instead, fantasic!
Lol.
It’s Hammer time…doo doo doo doo doo,-doo doo,-doo doo…can’t touch this!
lawl
Benny
Benny……….Hinn?
Let the bodies hit the floor!
Lanny!
jurgen
WIN!
contradiction win
Obama Win.
Yo’ mams lose.
“MAMA”^^
Obama mama?
Omama bama?
Omamba ama
The Name Game! song from the ’60’s.
Shirley! Shirley, Shirley bo Birley Bonana fanna fo Firley…
Sorry. Got carried away.
Enie Minie Mo
You dont really wnna kno
U am a stupid hoe
Oh No
Here I go
obamanation
Yes he did.
America lose!
Republicans lose. International reputation WIN.
*high five*
Yeah. We done good this time, y’all. We done proven we not stupid no morez.
mccain lose!
Failure to use the term fail on failblog fail.
Use the force!
Be the force.
be one with the force
yeah, that’s what i’ve been saying these last fails!
IT’S THE FORCE!
Loook, I am your fathah
His Fajah?
His fatwah.
He’s a fat wallah!
His father was a mudder. His mother was a mudder.
Hello mudder….hello faddah…
Here I am at
Camp Granada.
It’s like butter, baby, like butter.
Firefly reference FTW!
His fat twat.
Fahita, a sandwich!
fajita*
laul
6th!
Sounds like a Catholic mother teaching her child how to wash “down there”.
Good touch, Bad touch?
Don’t forget the “Necessary-but-make-sure-you-feel-guilty-about-it touch”. Yes, I survived an old-school Catholic upbringing.
Fair enough, I survived an old school Lutheran upbringing. All of the guilt, none of the absolution.
Pagans celebrate our naughty bits.
that we do, Ryannon ^_^
Yep, all the pleasure with none of the guilt.
TCBY?
Nah. Thanks though but it’s a little to cold here for that right now.
Lutherans tend to be more repressed (sexually) than catholic nuns. When I was 17 my father told me that the reason he didn’t hug me was that my chest made him uncomfortable. And I am the most normal one in the family, even after that.
Scary. My son is going to a Lutheran-run university, not for any religious reason (as if I had to disclaim that ) but because the football team wanted him. He just turned in a paper for his theology class disputing the existence of a god. We are still waiting to hear how that came out.
I might consider looking at some of the other schools in the area.
By the way, which Concordia does he attend?
I ask ’cause my folks both went to the one in Seward Nebraska. My dad also went to the one in Austin Texas, for a year or so.
Hooray Nebraska!
Sorry, I get excited when my forgotten state is brought up without mentioning corn.
I sympathize, being a Hoosier by birth.
Hah. I think we will ride it out, seeing as he is in his senior hear.
.
It’s not call Concordia, it’s California Lutheran University in Thousand Oaks.
OOOOooohhhh. Then it is unlikely to be a Missouri Synod place. And more likely to be open to questions of faith. The M.S. Lutherans are a scary bunch.
Sadly I am ignorant about the Lutherans, I just sent him there
I would try to explain, but I don’t really understand it myself. It contradicts itself too many times to make sense.
(didn’t mean to click “add comment” yet)
.
Sadly I am ignorant about the Lutherans, I just sent him there because he was assured a starting position on the football team. Since football was what got him through high school I wasn’t against that being his reason for going.
He said his instructor was open-minded so I am sure he will be okay with the paper.
Avis: “It contradicts itself too many times to make sense.”
.
As do most monotheist religions.
Too true.
And automatic towel dispensers.
Tie-in to actual fail WIN!
i disagree that monotheistic religions contradict themselves but feel that many people dont try to understand what really is the truth and just try to go off of what others tell them. very few people seem to actually understand what they believe.
If I respond to this in the way I want I just know I will somehow wind up back in Sister Paul’s office.
Take her a pair of socks. You know…peace offering.
Thank the stars, someone else is up and commenting. Got tired of my picture over to the right.
Heee…
WIN!!!
I graduated from a Catholic high school, the only decent school in town. They didn’t know what to do with me during religion classes. I would point out everything that could be traced back to paganism. I wound up in Sister Paul’s office all the time
Couldn’t you have saved yourself a lot of talking by pointing out just the few things that were not stolen from other religions?
And just been silent instead?
tee hee! Sister Paul??? Did she wear those socks???
Pointing & laughing ……….where?
I don’t think Ryannon is the ’sit and be quiet’ type. I’m just saying …
Yeah, Catholics take their religion too seriously.
Wait, I’m catholic!
Eh, I’d rather read a Hot Rod or science magazine.
Sister Paul? Did she have her name on her socks?
WIN
oh darn, I should scroll down before replying…
*pats fluffy consolingly*
Isn’t it a little odd to pet a fish? *Scooch*
I’m a pet fish!
Yeah!
I suppose some folks would think it odd to stroke a dragon, but that doesn’t stop them…
Fish don’t like being patted.
That kills fish.
“darn” hahah I get it. err wait, I bet that wasn’t intentional, or was it? I’m trapped in my own confusion!
Was that the priests doing the touching in certain ’special’ areas?
You mean their EVIL STICK/DEVIL PIT?
Don’t forget the dirtypillows.
They’re breasts, momma.
8. maybe if they had replaced the first “touch” with activate.
Or maybe if they had replaced all of the touches with “truck”.
Or maybe replace all the trucks with electric cars.
Touchless electric cars.
Caring electric toothbrush?
Or maybe if they replaces the towel dispenser with one that actually works.
*replaced
The ’s’ carries distinct overtones of Gollum…
It replaces the towel with the lotion… my precious… ???
Tricksy fishes
It rubs the lotion in or it gets the hose…
But what if it likes the hose?
Then it’s a hosebeast.
How ’bout one of those rotating towels with the brown line down the middle. Thanks, I’ll air chap.
Honestly, I usually just end up drying my hands on the ass of my jeans, anyway…
I like to clean my ass on my jeans, too. It gives them that lived-in look really quickly.
oh ewwwww!!!! MOOKIE!!!
You people are filthy and disgusting. I wipe mine on my face. Two birds, one stone.
*whoosh*
Did your own joke go over your head??
*ducks and runs*
Ow, my head…
I accidentally the touch sensor…
There is no spoon.
ONLY ZOOL!
Neo, Mr. Smith would like to see you now. All one thousand of him.
Sounds like my wife… “I want you to touch me, without actually touching me”.
Sex Fail?
Not for her it isn’t.
Ouch.
ownd
The Jedi mind trick! Holy shit, m*therf*ckin’ Yoda and shit!
Star Wars meets Eminem.
My name is…my name is…my name is *Hoooo huuuuuuh* Darth Shady!
My name is Luca…
I live on the 2nd floor.
Really. I got it from running into the door. Sixteen times.
Oh, I heard you got it from a breakdancer.
well-known movie quote fail.
Be silent Bob!
Jaysus.
My brain just exploded.
I’d clean it up with paper towels but I can’t seem to activate the dispenser.
this is actually fairly good advice. those motion sensors don’t work when you wave your hand back and forth (i know you’ve sat there for ages waving your hand in front of one going “C’MON ALREADY!”) but it works every time if you move your hand forward toward the motion sensor like you’re going to touch it.
I tried to get a paper towel out of one of those dispensers, but the sensor wasn’t working. Nothing I did caused the sensor to trigger. Whether I moved side-to-side or towards and away, no motion would make the sensor see me. Finally, I gave up the ghost and touched it and a towel came out.
Too bad the towel came out after you died.
^– WIN
If the teller of this fictional tale died, how could the story be told in the first-person?
Because the teller doesn’t have a sense of humor.
Yes, Shadow, I have a sense of humor. I’m just probing to see if the responders understood the intended meaning.
*arches an eyebrow at Shadow*
Oh…don’t mind me. I’m just wondering if I feel like “regular” or “extra crispy” tonight.
I’ll have the doucheburger, extra-crispy, with a side of baby-back-kicked in the ribs.
That comment prob’ly lacked some hymens… I mean hyphens. Sorry.
*imagines some motions that might trigger the Admiral’s sensors*
Those curves give the illusion of motion even while you are still. I also exhibit positive thermotaxis when you’re near.
*turns up the heat*
*motions to the Admiral*
OOOOooooh. Neat. Threesome anyone? Throw your car keys on the coffee table…
My turn, Admiral.
*boots Mookie out the door and hangs up the “Do Not Disturb” sign*
*sets in motion*
I aim to please you to the best of my motility.
*feels a stirring*
Please let me know if you find my praise and undulation a bit excessive.
Not. At. All.
I just didn’t want my inclination for you to come off as possessiveness.
We could, of course, privatize our mutual admiration…
It does not come off that way, and rest assured I would not sit still for it if it did.
(Hopes, in turn, that she’s not perceived as too forward…)
You suggest nothing that approaches unreasonableness.
*is moved*
*shifts curves within touching distance*
*hugs*
*heaves a sigh of contentment*
*flows into your arms*
*lets hands roam a little*
ok srsly, take this to the empty room a.k.a. loldogs.
Holy cow, I think I need a room or a cold shower.
After that, I believe I will too. So please save some cold water for the rest of us.
If the shower’s rockin’, don’t come a knockin’. You will know it’s your turn when the noise dies down.
oh in that case .. *sets up spy cameras*
*muffled snork!*
Oooh. That hurt, girlfriend! Surely there’s enough of the Admiral to go ’round! Share!
*snork*
Honey, the Admiral isn’t mine to share. He knows he can play with absolutely anyone he chooses.
And flirty dragons would wither if they were not free to, well, flirt!
True…! And I choose to be flirty with you. :p
Well, I wouldn’t want to break up a beautiful friendship!
You won’t. You have pretty feet, by the way.
And a purty mouth too!
Sounds like my wife… “Don’t just wave your hands in front of it… touch it!”
A better message for the Mouse Fail:
“Please try to click the ‘ok’ button without clicking it.”
Will it work if you pee on it? That would save actually having to trigger the urinal too. Efficiency win.
That, of course, would only apply to those of us with external plumbing that allows the operator to aim upwards.
Hmmm maybe the sensor is powered with high voltage.
I am not volunteering to check.
Chicken!
:p
Bet he’s not good at playing “Don’t Whiz on the Electric Fence”.
persons without external plumbing can do it too… just not as easily… or as effectively………also can get messy………
No, they disproved that on Mythbusters remember? When they tried to pee on the No Touch dryer that they tried not to touch while touching?
oh yeah, and then they built a bigger no touch dryer that was wired to a high voltage trigger and they wanted to see how much pee would actually activate the thing.
And then blew it up.
But then they built an even bigger one!
They blew that one up, too.
Say it with me:
“Jamie wants big boom”
‘fail’ without faling.
You missed something
ROFLCOPTER XD
…In other news, the US army is reporting a shortage of Roflcopters in Iraq. They say the flying machines are vital in liberating the Iraqi people.
MY ROFLCOPTER GOES SOI SOI SOI SOI and a CLICK and a CHING and take the money…
I really wish you’d be MIA.
Is that Monumental Idiot Abroad?-
My Intelligent Aviator.
HARDLY!!
mizz inglish artis
MyoIncardialInfarction.
Myocardial Infarction with Arteriosclerosis.
Let me be the first to say:
Poo!
Luckily, you’re also the last to say it.
I found the answer to the riddle. Foxies. Foxies, with Led Zeppelin playing in the backround. It all makes sense now.
Zeppelin is the answer to everything.
Would a lead zeppelin not be able to fly? Or would it immediately FAIL at flying so horribly that all passengers and crew would be taking the stairway to Heaven?
Oh, the humanity!
They would probably just Shuffle off to Buffalo.
Like fools in the rain?
Yup, That’s the way.
More like travellers of time and space.
Would time travelers and astronauts be dazed and confused?
Only if the time travelers travel by zeppelin.
Actually, Mythbusters made a lead balloon. It was absolutely huge and had to be fixed with tape often, but it actually floated.
Ok, that’s enough nerdiness.
There is never enough nerdiness. Nerdiness is hot, when done right.
But revenge is best served chilled.
That is why you should never argue with women. We wait.
In the fridge?
And wait.
Jes’ like a spider…
…And wait.
And wait.
OH hell, I’m tired of waiting. I’m going out to kill something.
Just you wait!
…’Enry ‘Iggins, just you wait!
The rrrrrein in Spein falls meinly on the plein.
Eliza, where are my slippers?
Eliza: *mental breakdown*
Duh, your slippers on on your feet, on top of the Paul sox…
You’re*
Your* Grammar Police fail.
I like the Grammar Police. I love their hit song, Rocksann.
It’s Lozanne.
♫
Lozanne, you don’t have to pull out that red pen tonight…
And wait.
And when you are least expecting it…
…we wait some more.
Um…wait…
Then you are having to explain to the ER doctor why your fingers are superglued to your willy at 3 in the morning.
The explanation being that they just split up with someone called Ryannon?
No no no, that’s the forewarning
I’m waiting…
I also tried to read “not read” all comments without Reading them, but it’s too hard
well said, not said
Is that a fail or a win? -_^
would it not have been easier to just write: “STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER, BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH!”
Come on folks, it’s a riddle. How do you touch the “No Touch” sensor without touching it? THROW SOMEONE ELSE AT IT!
Solving the riddle fail.
A box without lock, sides, or lid, but inside a golden treasure is hid.
(Or words to that effect. I haven’t read it in a while.)
Ahem…
“A box without hinges, key, or lid; yet golden treasure inside is hid.”
Thanks. Tolkien WIN for you; FAIL for me.
Isn’t the answer to that an egg?
ok ill go get hamma.
A gal that has to pee?
An egg?
The Master = WIN!
Oh …
Her box,
was not locked,
with neither key,
nor lid,
but inside
was hid
a golden treasure,
that brought her,
much pleasure.
Sounds like some sort of infection. I’d get that looked at.
spells it out for Mookie .. v r r r r r r r r r
This kind of instructions is the reason why Pats lost last super bowl.
Their hands were wet?
Please try to fail without failing.
I’d like to comment no-comment without commenting.
Paradox win!
LOLz
*HEADEXPLOSION*
Headex plosion?
Fedex plosion?
Medics plosion.
(ONE HUNDRED) FIRST!
second ?
=|
Danger! Danger Will Robinson!
*waves metal claws wildy*
oops. wildly.
Go on be a devil. Wave your claws wildy!
We need new fail. We’re at the end. Sob.
What’s next? A toilet that says “please try to sit without sitting”?
Oh wait. People do that anyway.
Yes, but they do draw the line at trying to shit without shitting.
Not always.
You’d be surprised.
No shit!
Aaawww, constipated?
There is no spoon desu!
until you realise its not the spon that bends , its your mind
*spoon
WIN!
Serious question: isn’t this one you wave your hand in front of the sensor for the paper towel? The ones at our local mall are like that.
No serious questions on failblog, please.
Hmm. If the dispenser was hooked up with a camera and the towels were remotely dispensed by a human, I wonder what weird “conditioning” could be achieved in the populace of a busy lavatory? Or should we call this a lavoratory?
Quick, Admiral, Dragon’s not looking! Let’s…
(Just let me know if you need your honey Life Saver again, sweet stuff!)
You’re too cute! I would never steal your (dragon) fire! XOXOXO
Hee!
You guys need a hotel room? I know of one with great rapes!
Am I the only one hearing “can’t touch this”?
GROAN!!
That’s especially funny since I took this picture in the ladies room at a chinese buffet restaurant. I can now hear that song from a couple different warped angles….and neither of them right!
When you can touch the no touch dispenser without touching it, Grasshopper, then it will be time for you to leave.
Because you will have achieved that which you sought …
.
.
.
a paper towel.
I love this Blog!
… and this blog loves you…
Ok, *ahem*, that MUST be some kind of riddle, you know da vinci code or something.
IM SERIOUS >=(
H0|y B4rN!ck3|z B4tm4n!11!! This must be a riddle from teh Riddlerz
Wow… ahem… move along people, nothing to see…
Oh, how I love logic-puzzles!
telekinesis, activate!!!!
use the force, young jedi.
I will give 20 million $ to the one that can touch it without touching it
“I almost touched it” –Latrine (used to be shit house)
use the force young us the a screw it i am getting my shotgun
The paper towel comes out before you touch it. So you try to touch it, meaning you move your hand to it but then the paper towel comes out.
no non no! its part of jedi training im telling you! use the friggin force1
Actually, win. It keeps stupid people busy.
Don’t do what Donny Don’t Does
Big BIG BIG FAIL<NO SENSE
saludos a todos
AND HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?
SQUAT THE HELL??? *begins squatting*