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um… you use the paper clips with string and clip the string on soemthing????
never mind.
Sure. That’s how I sew. Except without the string part.
Reliable fail fails reliably
…and other headlines can be found in The Sun newspaper.
fail
I sew with my penis.
o rly???
No, no, you’ve got it all wrong.
You’re supposed to say “first” not “um… you use the paper clips with string and clip the string on soemthing????
never mind.”
I think the protocol is that saying “First” makes you somewhat of a rube.
Mr. Goldberg would disagree.
I’m tired of his machinations.
The best thing to do would be to make the comment engine automatically post a “First!” comment upon creation of the thread and make it unreplyable. That would stop at least majority of the spammers.
Yeah, but then would they all glom onto “Second?”
second!
Glommer. Glommer Pyle.
Sloppy seconds, yum yum!
“The best thing to do would be to make the comment engine automatically post a “First!” comment upon creation of the thread and make it unreplyable. That would stop at least majority of the spammers.”
Erm… no. Most people still write “First!” even when they know they are not. It is apparently funny.
FIRST!
…says the biggest culprit of all.
First hypocrisy!
Congratulations…?
Thank you, I would have won it earlier if it wasn’t for that pesky Palin.
You’re right there, she sure is quite talented at hypocrisy!
“First Human”
First human to what?
Yes, is everyone else ‘X-Men’?
No why men?
You do realise that ‘women’ has ‘men’ in it (no innuendo planned)?
*whooooooooosh….*
I like allele humor.
Do you realise what is in the middle of Scunthorpe?
I understand that it was once blocked by AOL’s filters. Do I catch your meaning, and do you mean to direct that at me?
It made me giggle when I found the blocking of a whole city because it was considered obscene. There was no malice I was really aiming at DrDr it being on the same lines.
*nonchalantly inserts a period after the word “malice, and a comma after “DrDr”*
*nonchalantly inserts an end quotation mark after “malice”*
I agree!
You never hear of somebody chalantly doing something.
Thanks for the explanation Dr Hugh. You definitely had me confused. “How did I offend Dr Hugh with a chromosome pun??” I also thought that you may have been making a British reference that I totally didn’t get.
Why would AOL filter the name of a Norse god?
AOL is owned by Time Warner. Time Warner owns DC Comics. DC Comics is the rival of Marvel Comics. Marvel Comics publishes a comic featuring Thor as the main character.
Of coarse! It’s so obvious.
Funny…ur doin’ it wrong.
Daylight savings last night sucked the last moisture out of his brain.
Not the magic rainbows?
Really fun but agree she’s on the wrong steps
[To Whut?]
i no like saying first
String sold separately.
Or maybe the package should say, “Needle and thread sold separately.”
“Sewing kit sold separately”?
Is this the sewing thread?
No, it’s the suing thread. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!
Be careful. Dragon once said that she liked courtly speech.
Can you sew a law suit?
LOLz Win!
You use this sewing kit to attach folderal to a fancy garment.
What’s all this hoopla about folderal?
I could be skirting the issue and lost in the bustle, but I think it’s about ornamentation on fancy attire.
With the current nesting we have intelligent wit above and inarticulate twit below. Out of curiosity is ‘SECOND’ very funny or is it me?
It is not you. You can’t make them stop. We’ve done pretty well at ignoring them, which is the best tactic. Occasionally, we manage to squeeze a little funny out of the ordinary ordinal trolls at their expense.
Of corset is.
I’m sari, but picturing you in a corset caused me to lose my train of thought.
Hmmm…I may need help with the boning, you know.
Let me help. If I shift my weight just so…
*shimmy*
*slip*
*gasp!*
Too tight?
Perfect fit.
(Corsets won’t fit below this level)
asdasdasd.
Explanation Fail!!!
SECOND LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
MY ROFLCOPTER GOES SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI
* ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! *
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!
Mine goes soi soi … *crash*. Ahh, it’s a Qantas roflcopter.
So, when was the last time a Qantas plane crashed? Hmm…
There was that time when a Qantas plane was brought down due to a big hole in the fuselage…
Yeah, but that’s not a crash.
If it crashes after the hole appeared then i think it counts as a crash.
…but it didn’t crash. It made an emergency landing.
same thing really
emergency landing they say “brace brace”
same thing with a crash LOL
That is funny?
depends if you like big explosions with body parts flying everywhere or not
=]
I swear to god, Gandhi, if you don’t start using periods and capitalization, I’m going to go insane.
Don’t worry, insanity is a good a thing.
Join usss…
*Warning: side-effects of insanity may include an extra “a” in your sentences*
>.<
I assumed you were Italian. I suddenly had flashbacks to my grandfather when he talked.
Nah, I come from a different country in the south of Europe.. and the west of it.
But you’d be surprised at how similar to the Italian our accent can be when we attempt to speak English.
The main difference is that “we havea no spiceya pasta herea”!
Cuba?
Mushroom Kingdom?
If only Shadow… Getting to work from uni would be so much easier if I could just use the pipes in the kitchen…
I know a printer from Mushroom Kingdom
LOL
Damn! A triple multi-post! That’s the first sign of the apocalypse!
What’s the second one?
That wasn’t one of the plagues from Egypt?
*giggles*
Another multi-post. We’re screwed.
It’s not my fault!
You type multi and screwed in the same sentence like it’s a bad thing.
It’s a bad thing because it isn’t multi-screwed.
I feel really really innocent when I don’t get jokes like those before thinking a little bit. That worries me…
Scootch closer, I’ll ’splain.
*scoothes and then pays attention*
*splains and watches mindmutes face turn red*
*face turns red*
*tries to act cool as if he is not blushing*
Shadow
November 2nd, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I swear to god, Gandhi, if you don’t start using periods and capitalization, I’m going to go insane.
——-
Periods and capitalization are the British Empire’s tools of oppression!
Nah, we let India go a long time ago
pen fifteen
soggy hole? Actually, isn’t Qantas the only airline in the world that has not had a crash? Think of Rainman.
Qantas has never had a jetliner crash.
It lost several aircraft during WWII (operating as Qantas Empire Airways for the military).
Last fatal accident was in 1951. And Qantas is the second oldest airline company in the world. Only KLM has been operating longer than Qantas and their last fatal accident was in 1977.
Yeah, but that movie was 20 years ago. I’ll wait until Rain Man 2 comes out and watch for updated statistics. Maybe this time Tom Cruise can play the feebleminded part.
I’d look forward to that. Cruise on Today with Matt Laur, acting like an authority on post natal depression. He absolutley lost me right then & there, I have not paid to see another of his movies since.
He is a gigantic ass, there’s no doubt.
All ego, little substance.
And a whole lotta fekkin’ looney.
It’s all the tall women he dates and marries. Try keeping your head cocked back to look up and see how fast the blood drains from your brain
The blood has to go somewhere. Do you think he has permanent stiffness somewhere else?
>__<
Not a mental image I want. As short as I am, he stills seems rather trollish
Careful. The innuendo machine is starting to smoke a little…
That’s not the way back machine you smell?
And in related news, the ‘actor’ Tom Cruise is starring as a Nazi officer in a new movie being released soon. Sources (my fiance) say he looks hot in the new movie.
*loads high-powered rifle*
Remember to aim low!
I have never seen him as “hot” but then again, I have issues with men under 5′10
I thought you had issues with all men.
Au contraire
He must have big ears then.
All the better to hear the aliens with, Dr Hugh.
ROFL
It hasn’t had a commercial jet-liner crash, no. That’s why Stryder’s comment confused me.
That’s what I thought.
Sorry, Loz. But if i had replaced *crash* with *slight mechanical or electrical failure but nothing too serious and it didn’t actually crash and everything was more or less ok thanks to highly competent pilots and crew* it wouldn’t have been quite as clever.
Good to see that so many people are aware of Qantas’s peerless safety record!
I’ve never seen Slight Mechanical or Electrical Failure but Nothing Too Serious and it Didn’t Actually Crash and Everything Was More or Less OK Thanks to Highly Competent Pilots and Crew, but I believe it won the Oscar ™ for Best Picture of the Year in 2006.
and a (click) and a (ching!) and take the money
Doesn’t any one else sew with paper clips? I thought that is how it worked!
Hey, store manager, these needles are all bent!
LOL WIN
Gandhi, you changed your spelling!
We corrected him
“We corrected him
”
should be:
“We corrected him
.”
Oh dear, don’t make me correct you too!
Go on, you know you want to!
Yes, clearly the smiley face is just a giant period. Sort of like dotting your i’s with a heart.
*retches*
*Enjoys image*.
No wait…remember your phobia…!!!
What phobia?
… faces like giant periods? *spelling advantage to America for purpose of comedy*
I never met emet a phobia that didn’t have a name.
Well, that was wretched.
Actually, it was quite clever.
eww period face……. in America a period is a . in England well…… find out on your own
So you think ‘faces like giant full stops’ is funny?
Actually on second thoughts…
I’m looking into hypnotherapy for the phobia, anyone have any experience with it?
Oh and ‘faces like giant full-stops’ is hilarious, doc, how can’t you see that?! Teehee.
Admiral…it is so very seldom that you fail that you must do so every now and then to keep your Failblog street cred up to date.
I have experience with hypnotherapy. Or rather experience with therapy that was supposed to be hypnotherapy, but was more like me pretending to be hypnotized because I was a niave kid who genuinely believed that the experience was somehow going to help me somehow.
What, you like your smileys all snaggle-toothed?
“And when my wife tried to prevent me from doing my duty, I ‘corrected’ her.”
Indeed
my fail
your win
Poetry again. How fun
That’s no pond
But kitchenware
On gradual boil.
Nice jacuzzi
Frog relaxes in it
Gourmet’s Appetizer
That was not
a haiku, Lou
frog’s cooked anyway.
If you take out Lou’s cooked frog is it then a Haiku?
Oh my, the innuendo machine…where is it when you need it?
As I said the other day… It’s right here in my pocket, and you’re welcome to grab it!
Oh my again
Floating in this cosmic darkness,
Here we are like frogs oblivious
To the water starting to boil
No one flinches, we all float face down.
Sometimes staples work too.
Or duct tape, it’s the handy man’s secret weapon don’t ya know.
It can also cure warts.
No no, that’s windex
Windex… what a wonderful condiment. Fish or meat, salads or homemade babies; the windex touch always improves the taste
And if you pay 500yen you can get it for free in 99% of the stores!
With a set of free knives
Are you in advertising Loufail? If not … You have a way with words!
RED GREEN WIN
If you can’t duct it, fuck it!
The fashion industry is not stationery.
It does, however, tend to be quite static.
*resolves next time to use some Bounce*
You should stick to other products, dear Dragon, as Bounce can be rather clingy.
You are right. It is always pushing the envelope.
You know who’s always pushing the envelope? Postal workers.
That was easy.
I agree – staples always work
Has anybody seen my stapler?
I like that it’s called “reliable”.
the costume one should have been labeled reliable fail :O
I also like that they’re called reliable.
I like that they come in several sizes and colors: a single sewing kit for all your wardrobe. I am buying one for sure.
At least they are reusable, hence the reliability. Staples rust in the washer and tape comes off when it gets wet. It’s a bachelor sewing kit.
I agree. This Fail is a FAIL. What bachelor HASN’T used paperclips or
staples to fix their garments?
McGyver Sewing Kit.
Add some duct tape, a single sock and a raw chicken and you’ve got McGyver’s bomb dismantling kit.
I’ve actually taped up my hem with scotch tape at work in an emergency. I guess staples or paper clips would also work, but more obvious…
Oh, yeah, do what you need to do. Masking tape works better than the scotch tape.
I’ve used duct tape in a pinch. It holds well, but leaves tape residue on your clothes.
I’ve used duct tape, too, but it leaves a residue on your skin.
……..*hears crickets*
What…??? I thought we were sharing tape stories!
I don’t have a tape story, but I did staple my pants back together.
:cough:. I thought it was going to be our secret…
Don’t be such a worm.
*chuckle*
*hug*
You thought we were telling the tale of the tape?
Surely reliability fail?
According to the title of this submission, it already is.
The brand name is ‘Reliable’.
Sounds like it should be a pack of incontinence nappies if you ask me.
Its made in china
like most things in life
“May contain toxic lead paint”
Gandhi… what do you think of Western civilization?
He probably thinks it’s a good idea (one of my favourite Gandhi quotes, BTW).
Its a happy, diverse and hardcore way of life
what would happen if gandhi met hitler before he came to power?
even though they didnt live at the same time period
:O
He may have suggested Hitler stuck to his day job and skipped the megalomania phase.
Actually Gandhi and Hitler did live at the same time period. There is a
letter that Gandhi wrote to Hitler asking him to not start a World War
Well he really paid attention to that one didn’t he. Or maybe he just started a war just to piss off Gandhi. And then I bet Gandhi got his loincloth in a twist when Hitler went against his advice
Gandhi lived from 1869 to 1948. Hitler lived from 1889 to 1945. So yeah, they lived in the same time period.
Depends on how you define reliable .
That Depends.
*snicker*
*whispa*
*masturbate*
You know I’m watching you, right?
It’s ‘wispa’ :p
I thought I heard something, but it must have been a will-o’-the-wispa.
Isn’t Rely a brand of feminine hygiene product?
Feminine hygiene products…paper clips.
Okay, I did NOT need that image in my head, theng-kew-veddy-much!
Feminine hygiene gives you wings.
And I DIDN’T have it till you pointed it out. Theng-kew-veddy-much!
I still say thanks for safety pins. Next to duct tape, safety pins hold the world together.
Duct tape is like the Force – it has a light side and a dark side and it binds the universe together.
Duct tape is wonderful, but it leaves a stubborn residue.
Yeah, but staples leave a scar.
on cloth?
On my forehead. Ouch.
Weekend at Bernies WIN!
Alchohol shifts it, or at least enough alchohol and you don’t care!
But aren’t those paperclips in the picture?
That explains the state of his paperwork and children’s diapers.
60th!
Lol jk
Made in China … not so reliable anymore.
Topical win.
*High 5*
5 is such a stoner.
If you can’t sew with them, you could always trade them on Craigslist for an entirely new wardrobe.
fail.
Are you not familiar with “one red paperclip” or are you some kind of anti-Gandhi?
I tried that, but all I got was some concrete blocks and a sack of little girls.
Ooooh…I was booted out of my Admiral’s nest.
Oooh! And now I’m back!
*feathers nest*
*is reminded of a Barbarella comment*
“You are warm and soft…I shall share my delights with you”???
I haven’t had Turkish Delight in a age…
Special delivery for Dr Hugh. Will you sign for this “n” please? (If you’re out, I can leave it on the doorstep, half covered by the doormat.)
When was the last time you travelled through the wardrobe?
It’s been a long time since I’ve watched it, but I was thinking of the scene where Pygar regains the ability to fly.
*chuckle*
Are you going to fly away and leave me, my Admiral?
I need to fly if I am to keep pace with you, dear Dragon.
I prefer to think of us as two equal heavenly bodies orbiting each other…
AND it’s made entirely out of lead.
Surely it’s graphite?
It’s not graphite, and stop calling him Shirley!!!
sewing kit…for children
failyor to be more specific
None of you have sewn with paper clips? It’s like playing basketball in football pads.
Let’s face it… China sucks.
So does your mom
Hit that, did you?
Irony – a “your mom sucks” comment from someone called Lipo.
I should hope so if his mum likes mangoes. If you don’t suck the juice dribbles down your chin!
And the innuendo machine is back up and running…
中国是可怕的。三聚氰胺还。
Macguyver could probably sew something up with those
FIRST!!!
I guess this one is for the punks
I think you mean safety pins….
thanks
anything in comic sans is fair game for failure