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I hope Santa isn’t handing out candy on Halloween.
Hell of a Halloween costume… this would truly scare the crap out of those “naughty” kids
‘he knows if you’ve been bad,
he knows if you’ve been good…’
This may cause lots of kids to develop paranoid schizophrenia, though!
It would bring a new meaning to ‘Trick or Treat’
Actually, I was thinking of dirty old men in Santa suits giving out candy to kids… not good.
Dirty old men in Santa suits!?
:masturbates:
Great, you’ve all triggered my fantasies of Santa giving me a very merry Christmas.
Ewwwww……. wait is it a young guy in a Santa suite….oh shit now I’m haveiing them too.
only if they smoke enough marijuana
I already got it from looking at this. Whoever put up that sign is an idiot. Halloween, wow! honestly how stupid can you get?
Maybe he should be handing out apostrophes – the one between the two Es has gone AWOL. It should be Hallowe’en.
only is you are american
???
I is American and is never saw is spelled with an apostrophe.
Really?
Either way is correct, according to Webster’s.
Funny thing.. My friend IS wearing a Santa outfit to hand out candy.. She didnt want to spend money on a halloween costume just for that. I just printed this pic out and showed her.
he sure won’t be giving much out on Christmas, given the economic situation
Pedo-bear-santa ftw
or satan whatever crazy red necks are coming up with these days
Damm, just when I was thinking I had a basic understanding of these barbaric celebrations
It looks like our local WalMart.
Aren’t they all basically just an excuse to eat a drink to excess?
excuse? I though it was mandatory!
How do you eat a drink to excess?
Freeze it?
Jello shots.
I’ll be helping a friend make about 300 of those tonight. She’s having a party tomorrow night. She’s a good hostess.
If you have to ask…
OK, it’s now Halloween night, on my way back from town, I saw a Santa sitting in his yard, handing out candy.
Hallowmas?
Christmaween.
Chrismaweenie!
Nightmare before Christmas.
Decemberween
Homestar WIN
Krispykreme?
Mmmmmmm..
mmmmmmm dough fried in fat covered in liquid sugar covered in sprinkels.
My heart stops just thinking about it.
*sprinkles
You scare me.
a doughnut, yes, the best.
Ah, it’s a doughnut. I had some bizarre mental images.
Some people will put anything in a deep fryer.
*grins*
Avis, you are twisted!!! (and I love it!)
my name links to a list of deep fried goodness and not-so-goodness…
People don’t actually deep-fry turkey on thanksgiving, do they?!
ummmmm…yes.
I’ll be deep-frying the turkey this Thanksgiving. It is beyond awesome!
Fire departments all across America are busy on Thanksgiving day.
*looks at Lunchbox for confirmation*
Loz, try Googling it, there have been some impressive accidents.
Best freaking turkey I ever ate was deep fried. It keeps it moist and juicy, it renders out all the fat, and I never eat the skin anyway, so it’s actually one of the healthiest ways to prepare a turkey.
Um…except for that whole “burning down the house and back yard” part of it. Yeah.
Wow, take a little nap, and I miss the point where my compendium of useless knowledge is actually requested!!!
Admiral, you are admirably correct. Many many a fire is started by overzealous fryers. Can you say Turkey ala Flambe?
Dragon, (oh, sorry about the space-time continuum thing, I’ll pay for the repairs…) you are soooooo right about fried turkey!!! Except of course when ‘thrifty’ relatives use vegetable oil instead of peanut oil… EWWW.
GACK!!!! Oh, the humanity!!
and by ‘thrifty’ I meant, ‘huge, gigantic, dinner-ruining idiot’…
Vegetable oil? Bloody heathens!
Blasphemy!!
And of course, it’s when they use too much oil that the
major *FOOOOM!*age happens.
It’s not so much that the people frying the turkeys get overzealous,
it’s that they aren’t paying attention to the directions. Most of the
fires are from putting WAY too much oil in the fryer. They didn’t measure
it out the day before.
Oh, and deep-fried pickles are oh-so-yummy! Cheddar cheese cubes too!
Ever had deep-fried pickles on a cheeseburger, Avis? Damn! I just drooled on my keyboard.
Now I’m drooling! That sounds….. to die for!!!
PICKLE!!!
Cheese, yes. I will have some, please!
Pickles? Really? Never thought to try that one.
Use Kosher Dills. Sliced into… well slices. Batter and fry. It’s sinfully good.
Well, I will be starting dinner in 3,3,2,1…..
*leaves the Americans to it…*
*scootches away for some unfried veges*
Loz ate all the bait, so now there will be no rabbit for dinner.
I get bizzare mental images, too. But usually they involve midgets throwing pickles at me.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has that dream.
Are you wearing Sun God Robes in that dream, too?
Not the sling back wellies and the peep hole bra?
I save those for Lumberjack night.
Of course. It’s a moral imperative.
Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
A girl’s gotta have her standards.
This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.
This should be fun to watch… got any Jiffy Pop?
You’ll rue the day!
1985 was a good year. Oh sure the president had cancer but we got movies like Back to the Future(?) and Real Genius!!
Blue2thFairy for the movie reference win!
1985 was a most excellent year for movies:
The Goonies
The Breakfast Club
Commando
The quotes shall never run dry!
Being bad feels pretty good, huh?
Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other…
Me too! My mental image seems to revolve around the clown from the Simpsons..
It must be because we are on the wrong side of the pond. *thinks**…or I’m mad?*
*Patiently waits for “Hot Now!” sign to light up*
Dragonwriter will be here shortly.
Did you want something *FOOM!ed, my Admiral?
No, that’s not how I meant it.
Oh.
*smooch*
The embarrassment is mine. I must be remiss in expressing my admiration lately, if my words evoke flames and not warmth.
Oh no…you express yourself very well. I just…don’t think of myself that way. I’m used to people seeing the dragon, not the the woman.
(I think I could get used to it, though!)
Hmmm…. hard to miss the woman… If I recall the compliment, “hourglass figure, you’re doing it pretty well, actually” from a little while back. The *FOOM*age just goes along for the ride.
Aww…thanks, guys. That makes me all warm and…well…
…warm.
*wicked grin*
It’s hard to miss the woman, but it has little to do with the pictures for me (not that they aren’t lovely).
Hee! As I said before…the way to a dragon’s heart is through her brain.
And, to return the compliment, I do believe you are the drop-dead sexiest guy here…and I don’t even know what you look like.
Well, now I’m all warm and tingly!
As far as images go, I’ve been told several times that I look like a certain Hollywood leading man.
Tom Cruise? You poor thing
Heh, no. If we were standing face-to-face, Tom Cruise could look me square in the neck.
You’re…tall, too?
*swoon*
Richard Keil?
When the sign lights, please send me some… there is no better doughnut in America than a fresh Krispy Kreme!
Agreed.
You’re waiting for Loz’s avatar to light up?
Santa kills those annoying kids in Halloween
quote from an old fail “there will be blood”
‘Chainsaw not included’
I’m glad that was only water I just spit all over my montior.
your monitor is glad too
That’s why I do all my shopping at Fail-Mart. You should see their display for the Fourth of July Bunnies.
Hey… I was Santa for Halloween once..
Good for you. Here’s a cookie. Now, run along and play with your little friends in the sandbox.
I’d like it if his bag was full of pumpkins.
Steady, there may be children watching.
Can I have a cookie?
But you didn’t say “trick or treat”!
trick or treat
*gives Sir Didymus a cookie*
Know what would happen if you gave me a cookie?
For some people that holiday is Halloween.
The night of the living dead. So HLP you know some of my family?
I don’t know. Do I?
They’re coming to get you, Barbara.
Not Barbara from ‘The League of Gentlemen’?
If Barbara in “League of Gentlemen” is who I think it is, I wouldn’t worry about her, she’ll be fine. Those who might come after her might want to think twice about that.
Barbara is the one with the hairy chest and deep voice and looks like a sack of pumpkins in a dress.
Then Barbara is definitely NOT who I was thinking of!! Though, I still wouldn’t worry about someone like that being able to hold their own in a fight. Of course, I would never offer to fight someone named Barbara who looked like that, I’d be too busy hiding.
*cough* *Night of the Living Dead* *cough* *Fail!*
Never saw it. besides, didn’t Dr. Hugh say “League of Gentlemen”?
Yes, but “They’re coming to get you, Barbara” is one of the more famous quotes from the original “Night of the Living Dead”… still a creepy movie after all these years.
Never saw it. I like horror movies, but not the blood-and-guts type
or the maniacal-killer-jumps-out-from-behind-something type either.
I like the kind that f— with your head. Suspense that builds through
the whole movie. And doesn’t necessarily get relieved.
Avis, have you seen “The Game”… Michael Douglas, Sean Penn… A most unexpected thriller.
Does Jack Skellington know about this?
Ask Tim Burton.
I’d rather ask Misha Burton. *looks for her*
Is Misha Burton the bizarro Mischa Barton?
nice
It might be… Why don’t you ask Jake Burton? He might know.
Eric Burden would like a word.
He’s such an animal…
*banging head on keyboard* frig’n ‘c’ always gets me.
…and the ‘a’ and the ‘u’ are switched on my key…..nevermind…..total FAIL.
*heads begins to bleed from constant banging*
YES, BOTH of them begin to bleed.
*climbs under rock*
There, there Blue. Here, Santa gave me this hallowe’en candy to give to you. I hope it makes you feel better
More like Masha Button then.
Sorry, I’m laughing too hard to comment right now…
I’m going to need a new keyboard….
*pities Blue2thFairy*
Preferably one without the ‘a’ and the ‘u’ switched.
Preferubly.
Millionares club?
I want to be millionare! I’d be stupid not to join!
….and you could save. Heck of a deal I say.
Santa had to find something else to do with that toy sack the rest of the year: Paint a huge $ on it and rob banks.
Good idea but the English banks appear to have been robbed by the ‘Management’.
*sighs*
You just don’t see that any more. No, the kids these days seem to think that as long as they got the gun and the mask, they can rob the bank with any old sack they’d like. You just don’t get the same craftsmanship and attention to detail these days. They just don’t make bank robbers like they used to.
Doesn’t surprise me. Many of the chain stores like Target already have the Christmas stuff on sale next to the Halloween stuff. Might as well combine it, still won’t convince me to buy their crapola.
If they add in Easter would that be Hallristster?
If you add some letters to that will it be English?
What about Hallowristmaster?
‘wristmaster huh?
*thinks before typing*
Nah.
Well you have a go at the ideal advertising strap line that will cover Halloween, Christmas and Easter. In arbitrary chronological order. You could even try to get all the major holidays so places like WalMart would never have to change the stock.
Toy idea.
SantaKlaws – It could have Freddy Kruger hands and when you press its foot it will sing “I’ll get you when your sleeping, I know when your awake” Then we could create a cartoon called Nightmare on 34th street.
Don’t forget Valentine’s day.
Happy Hallochristmavaleneaster!!
Brilliant! ROFL
What does the small print say? WE are the millionaires YOU may not get anything?
“Millionaires’ Club – Join Today & FAIL.”
That’s funny.
Thanks for the article, made me laugh
– http://starstylefile.wordpress.com/
Thanks for the shameless promotion of your incredibly dull blog, made me laugh
Win!
Shadow! Hi stranger, *hugs*
*hugs*
Sorry, delayed reactions
I saw Santa last weekend at the Rocky Horror Picture show, he was playing with Satan
Santa’s beard has charged and fired his lazer!
lol!!
is this maria magdalena in his bag?
I only usually say this jokingly, but, photoshop?
More like underpaid sloth employee vs. evil corporate sales, the modern-day David and Goliath, except Goliath has an impervious shield of lawyers while David still only has the slingshot and one rock…
No sadly its real, I work there
Ooo…me, too. Which store? And no, I didn’t submit this.
My manager is letting me take one of these home, I think.
Sad to say, but no… I work for that company and have personally seen that sign…. It went to all of our stores.
This is what happens when the stores start putting out their Christmas stuff before Halloween.
Hey retailers, here’s a novel idea: How about we do these holidays one at a time? Let Halloween be Halloween, and Thanksgiving be Thanksgiving. Putting the Christmas stuff out earlier isn’t going to trick people into buying more gifts.
But it just might convince them that they NEED that Santa shaped spoon-rest set. Or the Christmas themed doorknob decorations.
Don’t forget the Singing Angel Adventkranz. You know, the one that catches dripping wax on her face…. that shouldn’t remind you of anything else…
Trying not to think of what the Singing Angel Adventkranz shouldn’t make you think of…. and failing. I’m a bad, bad man….
At least you could say “Sorry about your dress!”
I would totally call that a costume win. It would be original and confuse the hell out of everyone else.
I wanted to go as a Communist for Halloween, but Obama took my costume!
Oooh, I like the costume you chose though! It’s very brave of you to dress up like an ignorant victim of ad hominem propaganda.
It’s not ad hominem. “Spread the wealth!” Yeah, right. I bust my @$$ off working for my $250K, and I make one more dollar, and it all goes to those behind me who are unmotivated and lazy, who just watch “Springer” and eat cheese puffs all day. What’s the incentive? I lose valuable time with my family, my wife and kids, I risk my house and God knows what else to start up my business, and I make a profit, and WHAT does Obama want to do with it? It’s clear and present danger. That is Marxism, and it is the most dangerous thing we can do. It will enfeeble us.
Wow…I don’t even have to burn you. You did such an unbelievably phenomenal job of doing it all on your own.
*stands back and admires the flames*
No fire suppression from here, either…
*roasts a marshmallow on Gladiator”
If Obama wins, the country burns.
Too obvious. Troll fail.
Oooh. . .I am considering casting my vote for Obama but now. . . my beard is growing in. . . and I have a sudden urge for a cigar. . .*puts on fatigues* You sir will be among the first against the wall when the revolution comes! Booga! Booga! Happy Halloween Gladiator (snerk) 763!
Maybe I should be Richard Rorty for Halloween…
Ahh! Yes, dressing as someone who learn and grow (thus change) instead of spouting dogma like some Pavlovian politico would be a good disguise for you. But that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Rorty was postmodern. It’s a farce. It’s its own metanarrative, which they themselves deny. Just read Derrida. You have to mentally add an “or not” after everything he writes.
You CAN think. So why the rantings above?
Because I attempt to get my point across whilst using a little bit of humor.
Less point more humor – you will get more out of this site and maybe help with the stress (I own my own business also)
Seriously… how did we get here from my original post? haha
And what a long strange trip it’s been
Should have taken a left at East Bucket of Blood.
I always found Santa kinda creepy but I never knew why. I thought it was because he watches everyone and everything. That’s right. Whenever you got naked as a kid, he didn’t just see it. He watched it. The whole thing. And he knows where you live. You know all those times you and your mate “slept”. He knows. He knows everything.
But I was wrong. But now I know why. This is why he’s creepy. He’s one of those demons we are supposed to appease with our Holloween celebrations. Not only is he a pervert with unlimited access to any porn he wants (particularly child porn), he’s also an evil spirit that originated from deep inside the bowels of hell. It all makes sense now.
Why the presents on Christmas? Obviously, it’s to get you used to satisfying your temptations and greed. And on Jesus’s birthday, no less. How low will he go?
Unless you see Santa as an unconnected stranger who holds out the hand of kindness to a child in response to the qualities of that child but without any thought of reward or acknowledgement.
puh-lease. There’s obviously too much dihydrogen monoxide in your drinking water. That’s the dangerous chemical responsible for all those rainbows polluting the air. Next thing you know, you’ll be telling me that the vikings weren’t the first people on the moon.
*snork*
I diluted it with 12% alcohol, isn’t that enough?
Clearly you underestimate the power of dihydrogen monoxide. It’s already flooded three-fourths of the earth. It falls from the sky like some sort of insidious chemical weapon. It’s polluting our bodies as we speak. This dihydrogen monoxide must be stopped before we’re all impaled by those rainbows.
is that glare or is santa shooting a laser out of his chest?
Ho-ly crap. Not only is he a perverted demon with unlimited access to child porn, he’s also a robot. Maybe even a killbot. It’s like that episode of Futurama where that Santa robot goes around every Christmas killing people.
Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile!
*hasn’t tired of this quote yet*
DR. OCTAGONAPUS! BLARGH!
The sign isn’t from Wal-Mart. It is, I am sorry to say, the bookstore where I work. We noticed this fail when the marketing kit came in — all of the signs for the features and endcaps have the same picture of Santa. On the other hand, one of our main competitors is closing a lot of stores, and the other has reportedly cut a lot of staff, including managers. Meanwhile, we are still opening several stores a month…so I will gladly take this fail over theirs!
BTW, if you join the Club, you get 10% off anything you buy. And to answer the question about the fine print, it just clarifies that the discount applies both in-store and on the website. (Commence yawning….)
Leave it to good ole BAM to mix up holidays…I dont think that happened when I used to work for them last yr…oh well…
“Do you know about our discount card? It saves you 10% on everything you buy here, the coffee shop and online…today you will be saving “X” amount of dollars on the card and instead of adding $15.00 to ur total…it would only add “x” amount…OH, and you also recieve a free tote bag!..”"
oh the perks.
Go Team BAM!!!
I was glad someone said it. BAM amuses me. I guess everyone has those lame gray carts.
Also, you get 20% off on sale days! And for a limited time, you can get a free tote bag!
I just got off work… God I hate that place.
Lol. Next Halloween I’m dressing up as Santa. SCARY Santa.
I don’t want to dress up as Santa, I just want to get into his pants.
Christmas is coming eariler each year!
in germany since october cristmas candy can bought and also hallween at the same time xD
Ha HA Ho!!!! Wetting my pants laughing, because I actually work at a Books-a-Million store & often see these types of screw ups on the posters that are sent to us for display in the store. The managers will actually hang them up, despite the inaccuracies, because they can’t break out of the “follow the corporate rules at all costs” mentality. So in the end, we peon worker bees are left looking like morons who can’t spell (or figure out which horror-days we are promoting at any given minute!). Thanks-a-Million to whoever posted this!
I want a teddy bear for Halloween!
This has been photoshopped. Sorry guys.
obviously fake…again…stop with the jpg artifacts after you add text to things you dickheads, it’s too obvious
OH BOOKS-A-MILLION, HOW YOU FAIL SO HARD.
nice! You could use a Santa costume in Halloween, u know?
Leave it to the Millionaire’s Club at the top of the sign to save a buck by reusing signs.
dude, this isnt a fail, its a nightmare before christmas win!
Retard Win
Wow… I work for the company that uses these signs XD
Oh and btw its not photoshopped.
retarded
Oh good lord… looks like home office strikes again…. two words for you… “job fair”
Its so scary mommy *sob* and thus the idea for nightmere be4 christmas was born!