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Submitted by burton514
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What????
WHAT????
WhAt????
wHaT!?
what
WHAT?
WHAT?!
WHAT?!?!
WHAT?!?!?!
*LAUGHS SO HARD UNTIL PANTS ARE WET*
Loool I wasn’t ready for such things ^^
I KNOW goddammit I LOL’d at work!
Everybody is looking at me.
Wow. Well, if they are the authority…
I always thought *I* was the authority on that…
*masturbates*
Ceiling cat is watching you masturbating.
?????Ceilingcat?????
It does sound like a novel way to get out of a ticket…
Ceiling cat is watching?
Whenever someone masturbates, does Ceiling Cat kill a puppy?
*ponders*
Ceiling Cat is benevolent and magnanimouse… Basement Cat, on the other hand (paw), is devious and cruel. Therefore, it is Basement Cat that slays the puppies when you masturbate.
Basement Cat slays puppies just because. No reason needed.
And then makes with the surprise buttsecks!
One can have surprise buttsecks?
I suppose if one does not wear pants, surprise buttsecks is theoretically possible.
Or depends on if you fall asleep in the nude
The attempt would be the surprise I suppsose.
Nice they have authorized it
He who controls the Jerking Authority controls the Popsy. The Popsy must flow!
even so, those are some big popsy…
Van door placement WIN!
woman exiting van FAIL
Ha you hope! It could be a Sales Executive with a Pony Tail
fabio-esque hair fail
if she is the authority, let the jerking begin!
You could give her the benefit of the doubt and keep your eyes firmly shut
Dune reference WIN!
Nerds always win!
No man nor woman controls MY Jerking!
I, Sir and/or Ma’am, take offense to this caption as a breach of my first amendment right of free jerkage.
Washington will hear of this!
*Starts writing a letter to Bush*
god damnit IE error… *smashes mauve box cutter through computer screen* thats what you get…
ummmm, I don’t think that will be covered under the warrenty.
should have used the Teal Box Cutter, warranty cover that one.
Good. You are writing to a jerk.
Ah, so the jerking authority is actually the Bush administration? Makes sense.
Nice one LOL
In Soviet Russia they regulate everything.
/facepalm
In Soviet Russia, authority jerks YOU!
And not the hot ladies in uniform either, the big hairy gorilla men. Seriously why do you think everyone avoids Russian prisons?
I try to avoid all prisons, personally.
I try to avoid all personal in prisons.
I try to avoid personal prisons
I try to avoid all impersonal prisons.
I am impartial to prison.
I, personally, am impressed.
I impress you personally?
I have an imprisoned personality.
I try to avoid impersonal personal with imprisoned personality in personal prisons
An Imprisoned Empress in a personal prism ?
I am partially impressed by prison personnel.
“Jails and prisons are the complement of schools; so many less as you have of the latter, so many more must you have of the former.”
You are a good Mann, Admiral. I’m impressed.
But are you personally impressed?
I’d like to make a personal impression on Loz.
RE: “In Soviet Russia, authority jerks YOU!” – actually, the current administration has been doing a decent job of this. no need to seek out soviet russia.
But at least we haven’t preemptively broken the territorial integrity of a sovereign nat… oh… yeah…
*pats Khaaaaaaan on the back sympathetically*
Which is kind of what the Bush administration has done to America…except that whilst patting us on the back, they put a “Kick US” sign on our backs.
I like that POB — well done.
So you say they’re writing about jerking to a jerk?
FOURTH
“Powerbeef”? *reports to the jerking authority* there MUST be some rule about that somewhere…
If there was, mr sausage would have been put in a life sentence by now.
30 years hard labour?
Breaking rocks. Rough days…
rough days, rough nights
VERY rough sometimes…
Snap out of it, BondFan!
*Slaps self*
“*Slaps self*” well, i suppose it is in the spirit of things…
Aaaaah! The innuendo machine is out of control!
well something is out of control, dont think its the inuendo machine though or it would be the “inuendo authority” no?
*puts another coin in the inuendo machine*
No! It’s in overload now!
Aaaaah! Must…resist…naughty…words…
breathe in deep, exhale and relax…breathe in deep, exhale and relax…breathe in deep…so deep…
… explode… forgot to exhale…
*hands Dr Hugh the tissues*
…The Jerk Authority have cautioned WIPWriteoff in a statement issued today.
IT WAS THE RAINBOWS THAT MADE ME DO IT! THEY’R EVERYWHERE YOU KNOW!
…The Jerk Authority formally arrested WIP and has placed him in the Failblog naughty corner, with sausage and DrDr.
*cries in corner*
OOOOooooH!
WHAT?! WHERE?! IS IT SOMETHING FOR THE PRICE OF TWO?!
There, there…
*hands tissue*
Good lord. I leave for a few hours and you guys go and break the innuendo machine. Plus there are people crying in corners. With tissues, no less!
*lets WIP out of the corner, since NO ONE deserves the punishment of being lumped together with vienna and the Wee Pink Dr.*
A thousand apologies for breaking the inuendo machine, I should have known that such a finely tuned instrument would react violently to rough handling :’( YAY! OUT OF THE CORNER! *dashes off in direction of that tanning joint with the fantastic deals*
Oh, no worries, WIP…usually they end up breaking the space-time continuum, so this was a welcome change.
I take it the innuendo machine can not yet cope with a reference to the dungeon dimensions and what happens when they get broken?
D:
There are THINGS. And grey sand. And the universe is a rubber sheet. *rocks in a separate corner* MOVIES ARE A PORTAL TO THE DUNGEON DIMENSIONS!!
*reports to authority*
While you do that, I’ll call the Jerking Authority.
They have the final say in such matters of self flagellation.
Isn’t that the S&M department?
That’s what I thought.
Hmm I guess it depends on who is flogging Molly.
I think it was that rebel of the sacred heart.
Sacred heart… is that off the Kilburn High Road?
Yes, next to the Death Valley Queen.
Welcome to Death Valley Days. Either the driver is not here, or he’s dead.
When will this stop? Now I can’t jerk off without some authority making sure I’m doing it right.
Yeah Jerk This!
Are you advertising yourself?
Sure! Are you offering?
Nope…
*Shifty eyes*
Amateur jerking will not be tolerated by the authority. You MUST apply for your jerking permit.
jerking may only be carried out within restricions
*restrictions
within rest rooms
permits will only be granted to those who pass the oral exam
and a thorough anal-ysis
Will there be a hands on portion?
Fool, this is a government licensing test, you won’t actually be practicing the skill you’re getting a license for.
In the Bush Administration, having job-relevant skills is seen as a disqualification. I believe they refer to it as “experience bias.”
Absolutely. Besides if you know too much, you’re obviously “elitist” and think you are better than everybody else.
and they shall be known as “safe jerking sites”, not for those addicted but for those who just need help. Hell heroin is now a thing of the past because of safe injecting sites so why not! on entry you pay for two tissues and get the second tissue free. Mothers are ot allowed unless they dump unwanted babies off at trash can holding pens.
So you’re doing it, and the phone rings. You pick it up…
“Yr doing it rong”
Jerk Against the Machine!
what is the 20 for? 20 shots?
19 other vans? Maximum van jerking capacity?
no its a reference to the age group the officers in that particular van are responsible for
toughest beat in the department, but they handle it.
JET CITY PARKING AUTHORITY
206 555-5555
Guess FAIL. It looks like it’s Jersey City.
Please to click my name for clarification. It is indeed the Jersey City Parking Authority. WTF, Jet City??? Were you high? I wish I were!!!
Jet City = Seattle
*spanks monkey*
Hey! What did that monkey ever do to you?!
*flogs molly*
*spanks Bishop* (He deserved it for the pointy hat)
*moves Bishop to f4*
Now just hit alt…
LOL
Hey! What did you do that for?
*Thanks from Bishop* I was beginning to enjoy all that spanking
Thats my VAN!
so YOU’RE the mastermind behind the jerking authority!! :O oh the lives you’ve ruined…
Maybe he has saved (future)lives!?
but has left so many present lives unfulilled and full of angst
… and slightly sticky in places!
Sacrifices must be made for the betterment of the future children!
-Comments relating to previous fails expected below-
tell THAT to those hairdressers…and them penguins peddling the box cutters….
Not my job, I’m not the jerking authority
So that’s what they call it these days.
Does the jerking authority cruise around listening to Shit FM?
They’re cumming
Never ask for whom the authority jerks. It jerks for thee!
So… Jersey City Parking Authority?
Anybody know?
Looks like it. Area code starts with 20 (201). Makes more sense than my guess of “Jet City Parking Authority” above.
Get your minds out of the gutter, they’re obviously experts at Jamaican food, or maybe dried meat products. Huhuhuhuh… I said “meat”.
Better to be in the gutter looking at the stars than looking into the gutter. ( Paraphrased Oscar Wilde?)
Paraphrasing gone Wilde?
eh, The second video was better, Paraphrasing gone Wilder
Why don’t you go Oscar-late with Loz? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind a bit of smooching at the moment!
I would love a good old smooch!
Why, do you have a thing for older men?
Yes. MUCH older. If only Mr Wilde weren’t gay… *sigh*…
Our love dare not speak its name
*smooches*
Call me paranoid, but this looks photoshopped.
Ok, your paranoid?
My paranoid ?
Is that you Iron Man?
Tin Man?
Tin Machine
Time Machine
Time Bomb
Bomb Squad
Mod Squad
Mad Squid
Calm Calamari
Wild Whitebait
Amiable Anemone
Cautious Cuttlefish
Jealous Jerk
Unctuous Urchin
Obstreperous Oyster.
(Awww…I want a cuddle-fish!)
Flippant Flounder
Excitable Eel
Lascivious Lamprey
Wow! I think this just turned into the spawning ground for names of future Ubuntu releases (hary heron, intrepid ibex anyone?)…
Special Starfish
Tranquil Trout
Serene Salmon
Confused Cod
Geek Squad
^^Now that just looks silly^^
*comfort* they broke the nesting
Black coat, white shoes, black hat, cadillac, yeah, the boy’s a time bomb!
Oh lord, pob, you rock. One of my favourite bands
What a Rancid comment!!!
Let’s Go!
Shall we take the Daly City Train?
Yes! All the way to the End of the East Bay. With the Junkie Man!
Hi paranoid. Any relation to The Noid?
Advertising WIN (now I want pizza)
So, does the Jerking Authority answer questions such as : “Under what angle should one jerk to have maximum effect ?”… Not MY question, a friends’, a friends’ !
All such questions are covered in the oral exam.
I’ll try my hand at it.
Make sure you come on time.
Your left hand?
The Jerking Authority’s a scam, man. They’re making money hand over fist!
Hey, that’s my photo (unphotoshopped, fyi)!
Please link it to here, it is the original post:
http://flickr.com/photos/dogseat/168281281/
When the door is shut, it reads “Jersey City Parking Authority”.
dogseat
credited!
WIN!
W00T!
this is a win.
Let’s go jerk some authority!
Some jerk… Okay who’s going about with the masturbating stuff??? It’s getting old and annoying. YE OLDE SPAMMAR!
And Bush Isn’t a jerk, it’s his advisors. 20 advisors: one airforce one. Who do YOU think controls washington now?
And please. Don’t go “plurality fail”
I give up. Where are the strings?
lmao….that’s totally a jersey city parking authority van….appropriate moniker…they love to jerk people all the time!
128th!!!!!!!!!!!
That is sooo photoshoped
You think this was organized just for the photo?
The audacity of shope.
Well who else will teach us to do it properly?
Uncomplicated self flagellation for the inexperienced class 101 starts in 2 jerks. Course comes with text on tissues and 2 packs of jerky. One for you one for friend, here ends the first lesson.
I totally meant to send this picture to this website a while ago and forgot. I’m from Jersey City, and the Parking Authority are seriously a bunch of nazi jerks! I was so psyched when I found this picture on a website (along with a lot of information about how corrupt that department is in this town.)
Picture: win. Caption: fail. Failblog: fail.
Stop ruining funny with kneejerk “fail” slapped on everything funny.
Stop posting the same whiny complaint for each picture.
Why don’t you just go out and find yourself a bunch of funny pictures and chuckle over them instead of coming here? It sounds like you’d be much, much happier.
I know we would be.
Toasted Ham sandwhich for lunch there DW?
No..it’s a bit overdone.
And a wee bit rancid.
Some one needs to call the Porking Authority!
Or even some pictures in keeping with the general gist of this thread
RESPECT MY JERKING AUTHORITY!
O BBY.
FIRST!!!!!
uh…fail?
after more than 200 comments am i the only one who can tell that the R in front of “king” is fake? i have seen better photoshops but this alone makes the picture itself a fail
*masturbates*
*reports*
this picture is f… awesome:)))!!!!
Oh. My. God.
I’ve Been Aressted many, many times.
lol is this jarppi from the dudesons?
Jersey City Parking Authority?