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FIRST!!!!!!
Wygrałem życie i mam dużego penisa
Bloody Polish immigrants, coming over here, stealing our jobs. *shakes fist*
*shakes first*
*shakes arms*
*does the robot*
I hope the robot consented.
It does seems as happy as the ice machine
That’s not a smile, that’s a wince.
Desire is irrelevant; I am a machine.
That’s not what you told me last night, you scoundrel!
O RLY?
Terminator reference FTW…
But the manual said: “push all the way and do it hard”
But then you had to go and fold the coins, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU???
This is the best blog in the world. I love you guys.
And we love you too.
Give us a *smooch*!
BITCH
*sits next to dassadsdsad and smiles innocently*
Oh shit. Watch out, she’s got hedge clippers and a pickling jar.
Ryannon…I will never *scootch* away from you again.
*smootch* are we gay now? i feel funny.
*masturbates*
ohh ahhh !! 100011001010011100111
THey DUUG OUR JAAABSS!
They took our jobs!!!
Derka deb!!!
are you some kind of retarded loz?
1. How do you know that even is in the US. Maybe he is somewhere else on the globe and just visiting an American site.
2. If any immigrant stole your job that probably is because he/she was better in it than you. And isn’t that what america is all about? capitalism? The best gets the job. And if an immigrant who grew up in a different country and continent and he is better than you who took 10 thousands of dollars from the country already by going to school and etc. don’t you think that he would deserve the job more than you?
3. That comment is just disgusting and rude! I don’t know if it was supposed to be a joke or not, but no matter if it was, this comment is definitely fucked up! We all live on the same planet and are all human. It is disrespectful and stupid to write that kind of shit! And jokes are not funny…
4. Everybody else could say the same to you. I bet you are a fat American idiot watching TV and failblog all day. You most likely work at McDonalds and are too shy to even touch a girl! Do you know where Poland is? probably not, because you probably never even left the country.
1. Loz never implied anything about the US. Other countries have immigrants.
2. Why so serioUS? I’m in the US and we are not all about capitalism.
3. It was a joke. It was funny. She was commenting on a recurring comment from jesus christ, for jesus christ!
4. Loz is a hot chick living in Ireland attending university. Everyone seems to know this but you. (She has traveled abroad and is not too shy to touch a girl.)
5. If you read comments for a few days before commenting, you wouldn’t look like such an idiot.
Are you sure? Really?? I’m pretty sure s/he’d still look like an idiot. You can’t wash idiocy this pungent off in just a few days.
taking things too seriously fail…
Dear someone,
1. Loz is not American. She lives in fine old Europe. UK, I believe, although I could be mistaken.
2. Loz is a woman. You seem to be unaware of this, as well.
3. Loz contributes some of the most thoughtful posts to this blog. I would hazsard a guess, based on her contributions, that she is actually quite intelligent.
4. You’re aware that the word “retard” is offensive, right?
5. You say that “jokes aren’t funny?” That’s got to be one of the most effed up senses of humor I’ve ever seen. What is funny, then? The self-inflating, masturbatory, ignorant posting of misinformed and hypocritical diatribes on blogs, apparently. What are you even doing on a site dedicated to humor, dare I even say, HUMOUR (British humor, therefore superior to our American “humor”, without the “U.”) if you think jokes aren’t funny?
In conclusion, please go kindly f*ck yourself. Too bad you’ll probably never see this. Stupid page formatting, making my comments invisible!
You are in danger of being charged with practicing proctology on yourself, what with your head being shoved so far up your ass and all.
hah… i can tell hes a woman. he has her panties in a bunch. =D
best english fail ever.
Why are *you* assuming it’s American?
well la de frickin da!!
Serious vent, dude!
I should do that too…
I’m sure that person was just making a rather un-tasteful joke. I’ve seen
that comment (word-for-word) millions of times.
But hey! At least you vented on someone who doesn’t care, rather than one of your friends!
“And jokes are not funny…”
“this comment is definitely fucked up!
So jokes in general arent funny? cause thats what im readin. cho ass outa here then
And who makes fussy rants on websites MADE to make fun of people? god damnit, just chop off your fingers next time so i dont feel obligated to read another one. roar.
Your comment is discusting and rude, I don’t know if it was supposed to be a joke or not, but did it occur to you that we are not all from the same planet. Us aliens are very offended! Do you know where Venus is? Probably not, because you probably never even left the planet.
^^^^^FLAMER ALERT
Just as a note, immigrants get the jobs because they’re willing to be paid less than the average American not because they are necessarily better. If they are a collegiate, then it makes sense why they would get the job over an uneducated American. But we don’t nkow whether the American here is uneducated.
And don’t you get sarcasm? It’s a form of humor, many find it funny.
capitalism sort of means: Spread the wealth, but only as much as needed
to maximize your own profits.
If someone is willing to do the same job *at said quality level* for cheaper
then they will be hired instead/in place of said worker. Illegal immigrants
to the us do take jobs that could go to american workers. What are low
wages to americans are in some other countries good wages. If someone
“steals” my job who is better at it than me then good for them. As long as
they are not in the US illegaly. I should learn from my mistake and go
forward.
Lastly “And jokes are not funny…” = FAIL
oooh touchy touchy…
*Shakes penis*
That’s not going to get your penis unstuck.
Go-go-gadget arms!
Dance the night away prosthesis legs!
Shouldn’t this be spelled “Faille.”
You have violated the nest protocol.
Just like the cuckoo does
I’m cuckoo for cocoa puffs!
Oh dear lord…ryannon’s avatar has changed. I’m pretty sure those are balls in a jar.
*scooooooootches*
1. Some women collect engagement rings, I prefer the family jewels. Great conversation piece at holiday gatherings
2. I have heard of group hugs but group scootches is a bit much dont you think?
Hee. I’ve always said that I collect degrees the way my friends collect husbands.
Divorce is just 6 degrees of separation
You need to get a better restraining order then.
Sfr rhej H5jh rh5ja 125t
dance the right-of-way?
*makes illegal left-shimmy*
sigh – nesting fail
Including the 3rd one?
How is this a fail?
…think of where you’d have to be if you were reading the Braille.
In the librailley?
Cheesy!
Although if you have a blind friend that you were mad at, this would be quite the place to pull a prank.
Or a blind ex-husband…?
Or your ex-blind date?
Also it’s insanely long. Braille messages are usually abbreviated to avoid a person standing in one spot for too long – the designer of this sign is just cruel.
I don’t really think it says anything, it is just a bunch of dots and it is a setup to make a blind person wonder what it is supposed to say until an unwitting person comes along, opens the door and well, you can imagine the rest. It’s quite ingenious in a mad genius kind of way.
“I was practicing my Braille at the door, but I couldn’t quite understand what it said. Then it hit me…”
Braille signs kill me anyway. How is the blind person supposed to know they’re there? I’ve never seen a blind person running their hands up and down the walls, searching for braille signs.
Makes about as much sense as Braille signs on the drivethrough when the bank won’t serve walk-up customers at the drive through.
Although at my school, a blind student was told that to comply with the smoking policy, she either had to stand in the driving lane of the parking lot to smoke, or she should go sit in her car. She was carrying a white cane, for pete’s sake! And a school administrator told her to stand in the way of traffic to smoke…
Why does she have a car?
It’s a Honda Humidor.
Great on gas mileage, bad on the ozone
ozone?
There’s no ozone because of Aqua Net.
That’s how it’s spelled in the US. I believe it’s spelled “ouzoune” in the UK.
ouzoune?
Oui.
It’s only ouzo-une in Greece, I believe, and they set it on fire.
She shouldn’t have a car. She’s blind.
What would she do with her handicapped parking sticker if she didnt have a car?
She should give it to the mentally handicapped, abi, for instance. Or Henrietta Child.
She wouldn’t, that’s the point. So according to the school, for her to smoke she’d have to go stand in traffic. Best smoking ban ever, worst student relations.
That was the idiocy of the administrator- to assume that every student had driven a car to campus, and not to think that a BLIND student would have arrived on the bus!
That’s true about braille signs…they should be in a standard place. For example, if they were to the left of any door 4 feet above the ground, the person would always know where to search for it.
I agree with the first statement you said. Out of the entire wall, how do the blind know where the braille is, or if they’re is any at all?
I have a blind friend who said that the signs are usually in the same place. (Although they aren’t always, so she had complaints about that, that they’re hard to find.)
el oh el
Your name should be ‘the encyclopidia of useless spelling’. Just a suggestion.
u i could say that but why would i want to
Wow. Do you own a sense of humor?
He’s got one of those cheap-o rent-to-own models. He probably thinks Leno is hilarious.
I got bitched out for saying this a few weeks ago! You are correct, sir.
Hey that’s not very nice…
I thought we were only supposed to
coddle our fellow failbloggers.
That was coddling!
Yes, please see below for proper lambasting. Re: Zimbatsuawana
MMmmm! Eggs, anyone??
Scrambled, poached or fried?
or boiled, pickled, or deviled
Coddled failbob. Coddled. The yolks on you.
*smooches coyote*
*wonders if someone will call her a bitch for that*
Who is this silly failbob?
Hee!
I would never dare do such a thing!
Yes, the messages have to be short because the blind must keep moving to avoid predators.
Or doors opening outwards.
This isn’t necessarily a fail. How else is the blind dude gonna know not to stand there if it doesn’t say so?
*running fingers over sign*
caution this door opens…
*WHAM*
If you can read this, you are too close.
If you can read this, you don’t need glasses
He ish right.
We don´t know if the blind guys stand directly in front of the door when they read that.
Well, if the sign is not on the door, wouldn’t you think it would start with “This door over there…” and have an arrow pointing at the offending door?
Also the other door would need to have a note saying “Please see other door for instructions on using this door”.
Or “OMG!!! What the frig are you doing standing here? Move! Move! Move!111!£$%^”
I would break it down for you in steps but every time I do, people *scootch* away from me and I am tired of sitting by myself. So how YOU doin?
good …
*scootch*
What if I added a 4th blink to my innocent look repertoire?
Well then it would look more like a tic.
Is it a lyme flavored tic?
If you have some scotch I’ll scootch back over.
You better break the ice. That avatar is going to instill fear.
Hmm. You’re right. I should get into the spirit of the thing and not be bitters.
It’s amazing how rude some people can be when they’re terrified. I’ll sit down near you, though.
*blink blink blink*
*sits next to Ryannon* I don’t have balls to be chopped off and I’m not one of your ex-husbands, so I feel pretty safe. How are YOU doing?
We’re not scootching away from you, we’re scootching closer to you from the other side. Before long we’ll have circumscootched the globe and be right next to you again!
I don’t think this is a fail at all… maybe to us normal people it might seems wierd but… I guess they usually feel the front of doors to see if it’s a male or female toilet anyway and hence it’s around there…
Colour definately don’t matter ;D
Man, dude’s hit such a dry spell that he’s resorted to feeling up restroom signs.
Knowledge and understanding of the joke FAIL. Also, having the mind capacity of a 6 year old FAIL. But good luck with that, Zack. We’re sure you’ll catch on sooner or later
It’s printed on the door. To read the braille you have to stand where the door would hit you.
These signs are all over the Trafford Centre, Manchester, UK
haha.
Faille.
win.
Brail.
fail
Hail
sail
nail
Gail
Storm’s a comin’
pail (not blue)
jail
Bail
my friend Dale
mail
rail
Snail.
Snail
tail
yale
gale
wail
flail
kale
Whale.
lollipop
Havent this pic been posted a few days ago?
On the vote page, yes.
*sigh*
Understanding how failblog works. Fail.
Having a name that sounds like a car brand, fail.
So I was driving along in my Zaibatzu and the kids were screaming for stop stop, then we suddenly saw a horse pulling a cart with a man in a bubble in the back eating a bowl of cereal with his nifty free knife.
Tell me, is time going by really really really really slowly for you? You may be dead and not know it yet…
LOL. That was one of my favourite fails EVAR.
I was at the gun show shopping for coffins
Funny, I was across the street poking pies.
I was walking my dawg with my 500 yen free beer in my hand when I was pulled over by the poice. It was on SHIT radio later that day.
Did the radio station catch fire?
No, but a train came along and took the balcony clean off, after running into a semi truck’s trailer!
OOPS!
:[
I’d say more like a martial art. The ancient art of defence against apostrophes maybe.
Taek Won Dont
Subject-verb agreement fail.
Why oh why can our subjects and verbs not agree to disagree and live in peace?
At least things aren’t as bad as they were during the great Subject-Verb War.
Omittance of apostrophe fail.
proper use of question mark win! Way 2 go!
Wrong tense. Fail.
Weren’t you a gang in Grand Theft Auto 2?
j
go to gravatar.com and upload your avatar there
you suck!
I mysteriously already had a gravatar account… with my usual password… yet I never signed up for it. Damn you google!
i
how do u make the URI thing work
how do you get your own Icon??
Be cool.
Whilst simultaneously being hot!
Have you tried sending an email to failpictures@gmail.com with subject “Can I haz Icon” and your photo as attachment?
Damn lou, I was hoping you wouldn’t tell him!
Do not worry Loz, I did not tell him that he need to caption his photo for the hall of fame
At least you didn’t tell him that there are these places where people can leave comments in the hall of fame for the icons that they like best.
You have your own icon. It’s that little square thing next to your name.
You need to complete all the alphabet in separate comments. Good progress so far.
A is for apple
B is for Balloon
C is for Cat
D is for donkey
E is for Explosion
F is for Fail… Oh wait… Separate posts… hang on lemme start over….
A is for Apple…
Nary a thing to do. Just take it out, think of running water and don’t shake it more than twice lest you be accused of playing with yourself.
Show off. Is there any other way to do it? Apparently some ass-hat has stolen my nom-de-guerre and gravatar won’t let me register as ErickB
I could be wrong but my geeky spidersenses tell me that it is linked to the email address your register, not the nom-de-guerre
You are not wrong.
And which guerre are you nomming?
I’d love to nom something right now. What guerre do you like the best?
*squints*
Hm. I’m having trouble seeing.
How about the Lazic War?
Hmm I actually had in mind the Hundred Years War, the French do really get it right sometimes.
However it’s not polite to ask for one’s advice and then ignore it, so:
*noms the Lazic War!
If you have hyperopia, you can see Russia from there.
Oh…you just made dragon cry again…
*weeps*
I don’t get why people have coversations here??? Aren’t they supose to be discussing the picture??
Damn. You caught us. We have “coversations” because we are all under”cover” agents on troll patrol. Our motto: Keeping the intrawebz safe for punning!
WIN.
BOTW WIN
Hello. Since you’re knew here I thought that you might like a bit of a list on what you’ll need to survive here. The FAIL itself is not necessary.
Troll stomping abilities are a must.
1) Far reaching sense of humor.
2) Complete knowledge of Shakespeare.
3) Complete knowledge of every other author as well.
4) Perfect grammar.
5) Ability to put together puns on most every subject.
6) Flirting skills that will have everyone else blushing. (optional, but fun)
7) 24/7 access to this site. A cerebral implant is suggested.
9) An emotional hide like a rhinoceros.
There are many more, but this should get you started.
That is supposed to be an 8 before a ). Not a 8).
Very nicely summarized!
Feel free to add to it.
I like number six best!
You do? I’m shocked right down to my shoes.
*flirt!*
You madame are a coquette, a come-on, a temptress, a dalliance, a seducer, a lover of the bill and coo. I like that in a woman.
Hee…! Don’t forget “virago”!
I don’t need to take virago. Everything works just fine.
You just made me ROFFLE!
caught you
Pleased to be of service.
The above was for Dragon.
You can service me any time you…
…wait. Um…
I refuse to make a filling station joke.
I appreciate your restraints.
…RESTRAINT! I meant restraint!
*staring at ceiling and letting imagination run wild*
What’s the motto of the S&M enthusiast? “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me!”
That fact that you know this disturbs me.
new*
Massive amounts of embarrassment have just been dumped on me.
*snerk*
Sowwy.
…
*SNORK!*
*in embarrassment, unfairly lashes out* You didn’t catch it either.
Noop. I didn’t. Therefore, I will share in your embarrassment.
Again, feel free. I have plenty to share.
New
Knew
Gnu
Gnew?
Gnaw.
Phoo.
The new gnu knew.
nanu nanu
Don’t forget the insatiable desire to correct grammar and spelling errors!
Wait… I thought if the door opens outwards, the door should be moving away from the person? I mean, shouldn’t the sign be worded from the perspective of the person reading it?
No its written from the door’s perspective. It’s narrative prose.
Can a blind person even have perspective? I know peripheral vision is completely out of the question
They feel that they do.
Ooh. You feel quite nice, actually.
And I feel left out…
Sit with me, everyone scootched over and saved you a place
If you look at my comment way up there and manage to figure out the horribly confusing nesting, you’ll see I already did!
lol
*lou breaks the nest protocol*
Nice avatar… your ex-husband balls?
His and others. care to make a contribution?
Seems pretty full to me already
*lou retreats carefully*
You are supposed to scootch, not retreat
I will sit next to you, nice jar.
Brave, very brave.
Well someone’s got to love a woman with balls…
Especially when she keeps them in a jar on her mantle?
Exactly, Imagine how over run with trolls failblog
would be if they still had there balls?
Isn’t it “mantel” in this case? Or is this an apparel joke?
And she wonders why her innocent look isn’t working ….
*scootches further away*
I love starting memes.
You’re a memestress.
The door could go either way on the matter.
*door swings both ways*
bi-fold door
pocket door
*slides away*
It is bi-partisan.
Curioser and curiouser
Personally, I’d like to put up a braille sign that says “you really, REALLY shouldn’t have touched this.”
Or one that just says “LOOK OUT!!!” heh.
LMAO…..that one made me cry.
BrailleFlog?
Should have seen it coming.
I don’t get it. What does it say in braille?
How does 1 read Braille if they can’t see where the braille is?
Oh noes!
I have the exact same picture! this sign’s from The Trafford Centre in Manchester, outside the women’s toilets in the cinema! I laughed so much I nearly fell down the stairs when I saw it! (Plus, it’s right on top of some stairs, near pretty much nothing, so you’d have to really be looking for something to read to even find it!)
Blind Man #1 “what’s that say?”
Blind Man #2: “it says caution, this door opens outwards, please do not stand directly in front of th… OW! MY FACE!”
Yeah, but have you tried to explain the real world to the legal department?