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Cheezburger Network Blog
FIRST!
^ unexperienced and unwilling to learn
Why learn what’s already innate knowledge?
^ an innate jack off who doesn’t care to know what he doesn’t know
All he knows is that he doesn’t know.
no, that would be Socrates
He was awesome in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure!
He was, like, so crate in that movie.
Bill: So-crates – “The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing”.
Ted: That’s us, dude.
Meh… It’s all Greek to me.
“All we are is dust in the wind”, dude.
I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore, dude.
Something’s afoot at the Circle K.
BOGUS!
Speaking of Circle K, can’t beat their meatballs on a stick!
… What?
of da hood
asasasas
They say we all turn to dust in the end.
Which begs the question: “What does dust turn to?”
bunnehs
Actually, I did not know that. That’s cool… Thanks for the info. :^D
Scrotestes^
I think they meant rapping?
ARGH!
ACK!!
ACKBAR!!
ALLAH!
Aloo Matar!
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Nummy.
Kukla, Fran, and Allah.
Sifl and Allah.
I see you managed to get your socks off!
IT’S A TRAP!!!
ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKK-MED!! Oh yes… BOOM!!
ITS A TRAP!!
IT’S A TRAP!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Noob and Leet…. it’s time for…
.
*******************************************
*******Burn Of The Week – User Edition*********
*******************************************
.
Everyone that wants to submit a Burn from the last week to share with the masses add it in below.
.
Please refrain from adding either your own Burns or Burns that have been made on you.
.
Maybe if this catches on we can get the Mods to bring it Back
Fail
Sorry your burn was not good enough. Please try again next week.
Epoch fail
Sorry only one fail nomination per week can be Accepted. Please try again next week.
you EPICLY fail
epicly
exactly?
Epically fail.
Abort? Retry? Fail?
.
..
…
Computer says Fail!
it said it to you
Do you have as much difficulty making conversation with girls as you obviously do with making an original statement on here?
MEGA BURN OF THE WEEK!
HAHAHAHAHA. massive burn. good one
Well, there it is, Ladies and Gentlemen. The user BOTW, brought to you this week by the letter B(eren)
*nominates*
*masturbates*
*abominates*
*MASTURBATES*
*dominates*
*ejaculates*
*masticates*
*castigates*
*spasticates*
*propigates*
*subjugates*
*ruminates*
*fulminates*
*exonerates*
*salivates*
*gesticulates*
*pontificates*
*articulates*
*circulates*
plates?
*intubates*
*substantiates*
fornicates
Abbr.
*berates*!
*self-flagellates*
*deviates*
*remonstrates:*
Is this really how we want to run out the 200 comment quota?
_____
and, in honor of rhetorical questions:
*socrates*
floccinoccinihilphillipates?
*paginates* *no more quota*
*billgates*?
*procrastinates*
*abbreviates*
*reiterates*
*retaliates*
*designates his lover’s fate*
*like pretty kate has sex ornate*
*her fate awaits the heads of state*
*remasturbates*
hates how now to locate new posts on a split page fail,
it takes so much time,
only then to find out that that new post is merely
a “masturbates” rhyme
____
*vacates*
*castrates*
Erm…not you, fuzz.
*defecates*
INXS?
*Procreates*
titaniumspork19 .. been done. I guess you lose the game.
*CASTRATES*
*mates*
*pilates*
oh wait…
*retaliates*
*checkmates*
*Obama-nates*
*alleviates*
*integrates*
*Insert any word ending with -ates*
*Obliterates* (Sounds like a system of a down song!)
Palpitates
*flatulates*
*decapitates*
*designates your lover’s fate*
*Hallucinates*
*Desegregates*
*Mediates*
*Alleviates*
*satiates*
Satiating Zrath, are we?
*arrives late*
you think he ever meets any girls to have conversation with?
I’m good at conversation with girls, I just wish they would say something back that isn’t “f*** off, you’re not tall rich or attractive so I’m not interested”.
o well, 1 out of 3 ain’t bad…
If this is a job application, how would you answer that?
I accidenty the whole application form?
What should I do?
The WHOLE thing???
You accidently what the whole application form? Raped?
Noticing reference to previous fail FAIL
Yes! The whole application form! One minute it was in my hand, and then I the whole thing!
Or I dont have experience now, but I would be willing to learn?
Sorry Fuzz just saw your comment after I’d posted mine.
s’ok … you can look forward to a gentle raping …
*pouts*
Depends on the job. Village rapist wanted, apply here.
The village is looking for a rapist.
WHAT? YOU MEAN THERE IS A VACANCY!
well every single person in town has HerpaGonaSyphilAids… Still have the desire to rape?
“not raping, but do have experience burning and pilaging.”
Why do people say plundering/looting and pillaging?
Isn’t that the same as saying robbing and stealing
I had to write a paper about Vikings last year in uni and I mentioned in passing how they’re often associated with ‘rape and pillage’. My professor clearly has no sense of humour because he circled it and wrote “there is no proof that they raped, if you’re going to make a statement like that then cite a valid source”.
He almost seemed offended by what I’d written.
Prof’s are funny that way. If you’re not creative enough, you fail for lacking originallity. If you’re not original, you’re accused of pagiarism or something.
Um…noooo. Having an original thought and properly substantiating your claims ABOUT that thought are two very separate things.
Perhaps he’s a Viking?
Professor Hagar the Horrible.
He is pretty mean. But I appreciate him because he’s my own archaeology professor who doesn’t have facial hair.
only*
only*
That’s what I thought you meant.
(I found this at the bottom and am hoping to get it to nest inappropriately.)
Oh phew you saved me. But… now there’s a duplicate comment?
Did I break failblog?
And why do you want to nest inappropriately with me, dear Avis?
I think we DID break it! My last reply was supposed to be HERE, not a reply to myself!
*pops some popcorn*
*hops on the couch*
I don’t think we can break what’s already broken.
I’m a bird, it’s what we do. Nesting that is. Erm….. yeah.
Okay, you can be the bird, I’ll be the bee.
I am allergic to bees. No, true story!
Excuses, excuses…
You know, I’m always available if you want to make an instant substitution.
I think Loz has dibs there, PoB!
I wouldn’t want to poach.
LOL, I intended that comment to be directed at Loz. (After I clicked “Add comment” I was thinking “I hope nobody else comments before this goes up so it looks like I’m propositioning them instead of Loz.”)
Isn’t fun how often comments can be taken out of context here?
*uses term “fun” loosely*
Hey, who you callin loose?
Loosing is not a option, you know.
Well, then, let’s not get all loosey-goosey about it!
EEP!
HEY!
You loosely goosed me!
“Nest inappropriately”? That sounds euphatastic!
Euphatastic? Conjunction of euphemism and fantastic?
Yes.
Nicely done then!
The correct term is “portmanteau.”
Hey, look, $50!
found proof:
uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Viking
*warning bad language and you will be sucked into the site and force to read and laugh for the next 72 hours until you die of thrist*
If you said “associated with ‘rape and pillage’”, in your paper, you are correct. In my Webster’s, the third definition for associated is “to connect in the mind…”. Vikings are associated with rape and pillage in many minds. You are right and your professor needs to use a dictionary.
Hmm. I think looting is break-and-stealy, whereas pillaging is burn-and-rapey.
Stealy and rapey… yes kids, there were originally 9 dwarves!
I lol’d.
i second that lol.
We have a second on the floor. All in favor?
w00ty
fail
The Ayes have it. The motion to lol has passed with one dissenter.
Er, hooray!
That’s the most democratic lol I’ve ever witnessed.
lolcall
Pwesent!
sir yes sir admiral!
Yes – but with more flair.
Well, stealing is more like you take something on the sly, without confrontation (like shoplifting, or kleptomania.) Robbery implies confrontation … but it’s all theft and will wind you up in the same place .. if you get caught ..
Erik the Viking reference Win?
or FAIL since it isn’t really true to the script?
Remember, Kids.
Pillage, Rape THEN Burn!
ohhhhhhh snap
And for the opposite fail:
“There’s only one ‘p’ in rapist.” — Perry White to Lois Lane, Superman: The Movie (1978)
Actually, I looked it up, it was Winston Churchill who said this.
In th words of Churchill:
“Ohhhhh YES.”
Experience in Raping?
Yes
What other major commitments do you have for the year?
Perhaps spending prolonged period in jail
Damn You! Just beat me to it
Happened to me earlier in this fail too
Hmm what is it about Raping that all makes us think the same way?
Guns don’t kill people, rapists do.
Stop. Making. Me. Like. You.
Grr
Sweet!
Guns don’t kill people. People with guns kill people.
What other major commitments do you have this year?
.
Well I have some pretty major jail time coming up thanks to my latest raping spree.
Mike Tyson? Is that you? No, you’re coherent.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently raping, raping at my chamber door.
___
~ Eazy-Edgar Allan Poke
Ah, gentle raping. Thats sweet
RAVEN WIN.
`’Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, `fapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.’
LOL. Sleazy-Edgar Allan Poke.
Hey!! This damn bird just landed on my bust!
That I would like to see.
I love the next question too: “If yes or no…..” – as if there are any other choices?!
Question Logic Fail
There could be “maybe” or “I don’t know”.
Probably.
I only see two answer choices.
“I don’t know” if I have any raping experience.
“I don’t know. I have these blackouts you see, and when I wake up I’m in jail”
i noticed that too, its like a 2 for one deal, 2 fails for the “price” of one
I got to say, ignoring for a second the rape issue, have any of you guys filled out rapping applications? Is this common now?
You have to fill one out when you go for anal registration. It’s the law now.
And then send it via fedEx…
Can’t fill it out, penis stuck.
Call 9-9-9 for tech support.
Shouldn’t have tried to turn the hand dryer on with it.
funniest callback thread EVER!
It’s actually an application for an a capella group at my college, if that answers your question.
Oh, I was the one who submitted this, by the way.
Ha ha I knew it as soon as I saw the vocal percussion question before it. Which college and what group?
McFerrin University / Voicestra
Duke University Lacrosse Cheering Section
Did you have any raping experience?
So, what’s the crime rate like on campus?
yeah seriously, i was way more amused by trying to figure out what this could possibly be an application for than by the typo.
Application for American Idol, maybe?
Maybe in the Ghetto, odd32
In the voice of Eric Cartman …
On a cold and gray Chicago mornin’
A poor little baby child is born
In the ghetto
And his mama cries
’cause if there’s one thing that she don’t need
it’s another hungry mouth to feed
In the ghetto
It could be an application form to be part of the next R Kelly tour?
pisses on next to comment
*Holds up a U-tube and uploads video to YouTube.*
“I’ll take The Rapist for $200, Alex.”
.
And the Jeopardy answer is, “Routinely asked of applicants seeking assignment to the Bush-administered management of Abu Ghraib prison.”
.
“Do you have any experience raping?”
.
“That is correct.”
.
“I’ll now take The Rapist for $400, Alex.”
.
The whole-friggin’-world-in-jeopardy answer is, “Routinely asked of applicants seeking assignment to the Bush-administered management of the economy … privacy rights … global warming ….”
*Splurts Coffee over monitor*
And LOL
“nods” in appreciation of commentary
You’re on a roll today fuzz…!
Hard roll? sub roll? with or without sesame seeds?
California roll.
Kaiser roll.
I’m on a lol.
That’s how I lol.
lol-ing through my hood,
smoking endo,
sippin’ on gin-n-juice…
Lol till we die…
My mind’s on my fuzzy and my fuzzy’s on my mind
.with my mind on my honey and my honey on my concept.
*doggy love with stylin’*
They see me lol-in
They hatin
Trolling, they tryin to catch me lolin dirty
Tryin to catch me lolin dirty…
I sometimes get a roll of fuzz in my armpit when I wear sweaters.
I didn’t really need to know that, now did I?
I get one in my belly button.
I suggest you write a poem about it!
and call it: “Ode to a Small Lump of Green Fuzz I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning”
ohhh. I love Vogon poetry.
haha! very nice! WIN!
Seriously though, America was totally asking for it. I mean, that outfit? Are you serious??
What is answering in the form of a question fail? That’s correct.
“Rape, murder, arson, and rape”
“You said rape twice”
“I like rape”
masturbates
*nominates*
*defecates*
*hyperbolates*
*contemplates*
In Kazakhstan, the national hobbies are disco dancing, ping-pong, and rape.
simultaneously
Best and worst porn ever.
also – spitting, sitting on comfortable chairs, taking pictures of women while they make a toilet
I had a horrible typist who had to transcribe my case plans when I was a social worker for a girls’ group home. Every time the case plan called for the word “Therapist” she would type “The Rapist.” “Linda will continue weekly hour-long sessions with The Rapist.” “The Rapist will submit montly progress reports to agency.” And it didn’t seem to matter how many times I had to return these case plans for retyping, she kept making the same mistake over and over and over… (insert Freudian reference here)
Was she a Scientologist?
No, she couldn’t manipulate the The tans.
Scientology pun FTW!!!
you might want to try therapistfinder.com
Cool! Did you notice they have a link to paedophilesrus.net?
And sodomistsanonymous.org?
stop making fun of my bookmarks!!!
I hate to admit it but that WAS funny.
and kidsexchange.com
Maybe she grew up thinking it was the same thing? There are some naughty therapists out there!
Who applies to be a rapper anyway?
Eminem
Vanilla Ice.
Lance bASS
I do.
*bride breaks down and admits she slept with best man*
Oh, I see what you did there.
*I lol’d*
This makes How to Catch a Predator loose its ratings.
Plz Stop this Madness.
How to Catch a Predator is how I spend my sunday nights with my pants off.
Experienced Rapor FTW?
She was the victim.
Reply fail.
Do you have any experience raping?
Yes. In my defense I was on poppers.
for a second I thought you wrote that you had to rape in defense…
You stole my nickname
This is an application to be a member of R Kelley’s entourage.
I only signed up for the looting and pillaging. Think I’ll give the raping a pass.
Yeah, they never call afterward.
Imagine if the application had the question before the highlighted one was instead after it.
OHHHH.. That’s with that upside-down ‘d’ thingie, isn’t it? How do you make that again? I can’t seem to get my mirror scanned.
Engrish comments reference win.
Previous Fail reference win too.
This is probably for an a cappella group (contemporary a cappella), and I would LOVE to know which one…
Reading previous comments fail. look for Nate’s comment up above
I think it’s just a requirement of being a rapper that you be a raper too.
I don’t know what’s funnier, the typo, or the fact that it’s on a rapper application.
Yes, it does seem somehow ironically appropriate!
I’m glad to see someone else noticed the bigger picture here: what we’re all looking at is an app to rap…maybe I should apply! I don’t have any raping experience though…if they’d only asked if I’d be willing to learn…
“You said ‘rape’ twice.”
“I like rape!”
First (on page 2)!!!!!!!
*@^#$*^*!^ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (pwned)
It’s a rap sheet.
It’s a rape sh!t.
this is stupid… it’s just a damn typo…
lol, because all rappers are rapists or something?
I’d rather the raping than the rapping.
Hahahaha wow, me = fail indeed.
penor
i love rape music xD
Considering the substance of most rap, I am guessing it wasn’t a typo.
The funny thing is this is an application to a youth improving music camp. It’s religous and for dedicating your lif to God. LOL
raping and rapping at the same time…
rapping raping rapping raping
little difference means a lot
No self-respecting human being will answer that
I read all of these comments…. what happened to the 200 comments rule
intelcrates
How do you know the job wasn’t for raping??? hmmm???
ummmm wow like 3 of my cousins would say so get that job
I’m pretty sure that its suppose to be spelling rapeing for this to be a fail. If you look down this application is actually about raping, as in music. There would have to be an e for it to mean what you guys think it means
okay if you dont get it, look at the next question idiots, its supposed to say rapping.
don`t words to say