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Numero Uno
die
i hate both of you!
Mmmmm…sugar daddy !!
O.o Yesplease!!
you’re ugly, and you smell like piss.
But he tastes like blueberry dreams of joy.
i’m sorry, were you mentioning your mom?
I wonder if “Daddy” is using Child Predator Gloves?
no.
You assume daddy is a child predator? I thought it meant ’scream until daddy stops taking your toys away’.
Wouldn’t you be rather embarrassed if daddy had to take your “toys” away from you?
Lol… reminds me of a recent embarrassing event…
*says no more*
If it involves a parent finding a toy, you are not alone.
It does. *dies*
This is why I keep my toys in a box marked “DANGER–RADIOACTIVE MATERIALS”…of course, the down side is that I don’t have a place to put my uranium collection.
Uranium is old hat. I collect plutonium.
Hah…Loz…in their most recent visit, my mum found my collection of…um…let’s just say “naughty” Phil Foglio comics.
You respond to that with, “It’ll ruin his Christmas present if you tell Dad.”
Hahaha! Oh gosh. Naughty comics or toys… which is worse?
Storing your pr0n on your parents’ computer until you have the money to buy a new one.
Well, maybe if you stopped storing prawns on your parents’ computer, you wouldn’t have to buy them a new one.
hah
my mom found loli-con comics (yes it’s weird but not for me i’m 14)
No… thats still weird.
O RLY
yes…
omg… I love Phil Foglio!!
(And Kaja of course, but Phil’s teh shizzit.)
GIRL GENIUS FTW!!!
Damn you whippersnappers and your newfangled plutonium! Bah and harrumph!
Bugger and begorin on them dang kids.
When I was a kid, we didn’t have Uranium OR plutonium.
All we had was lead, and we were happy~!
You had lead?? You were lucky!
When I was a wee lass, we had to make do with little scraps of tin foil wadded up into balls! But we were grateful for it!
Breadcrumbs??? Luxury!!!!! All we had was specs of dust and dog hair!!
Ooooh, what we would have given for specks of dust and dog hair!! We had naught but fumes when I was a child!
oh we used to DREAM of having fumes! We had radioactive toxic waste!
Oh we used to DREAM of having dreams! We were in a vegetative state and had NO IDEA what we were missing.
Well of course, we had it TOUGH. We were tied down with itchy handcuffs and little maggots ate our flesh and lay eggs in our eyeballs.
Pfft. Heaven, that would be. We had to eat our OWN eyeballs just to survive.
HAH. One time my nose was itching and I couldn’t even scratch it.
Hah, you’re lucky. In my day, we considered ourselves to be doing pretty damn good if we even had a nose to scratch.
pffft. We never even dreamed of having a nose to scratch. We didn’t have hands to scratch it with.
Ha. You and your fancy bodies…
Specks hunh? I wish the dust I had was specks, big ol’ fist size dush when i was a kid. Wasn’t even air just giant dust, and water? You had to squeeze the juices out of a bird if you wanted something to drink!
Specks hunh? I wish the dust I had was specks, big ol’ fist size dust-particles when I was a kid. Wasn’t even air just giant dust, and water? You had to squeeze the juices out of a bird if you wanted something to drink! –Sorry, spell checked in a different window, all the text falls off the screen here. Copy paste fail.
And now look at you, on your fancy-pants swivelling chair, while I type with no fingers on a broken keyboard that I don’t have in a ditch made of cardboard and broken glass! I don’t even have an internets!
Ha! All we had was mercury. It was silver and fun. And caused
cancer.
Ha! All we had was Hermes and he had a sexually ambiguous child who caused gender confusion.
Made nice scarves, though.
LULZ.
win good day
Oh god! Thank you guys! I was having a real crap night until
I read this! *huggorz*
*wipes tears from my eyes* oh man. LOL
Hmm, I’m pretty sure lead is a byproduct of uranium being degraded over time. See ‘Uranium-Lead dating’
try the rear exit.
I thought Polonium was the last scram these days
No, you’re thinking of Ophelia’s father.
wow. to think this all originated on a fail picture.
you’re new here, ain’t ya… this is nothing. Only retired librarians can keep up with the failblog comments.
i’m not retired i’m a stoner
The two are mutually exclusive? I don’t think so!
Trust me Raul699. This only the smallest of samplings and fairly tame at that. It was Shakespeare jokes last night.
That was awesome.
*grin*
Should read: This is … .
Okay. This is awesome.
*grins again*
Aw, aw, aw. There, now you’ve had some aw.
How’s this for a murder of Shakespeare?
Now the hungry dragon roars,
And the coyote behowls the moon
*snork!*
I like it!
Collecting plutonium is old hat… I eat it.
I assume that’s the billboard’s intended message. (Annoy your parents until they give in and give you the thing that you want.) I guess it could be FAIL because this tactic could backfire–ie parent less likely to patronize a business that encourages their children to misbehave.
What’s worse, I’ve seen this message on other Dairy Queen signs.
Scream until everyone votes for you?
You sir, have confused me.
The half-baked Alaskan has more of a whine than a scream.
Palin does drugs?! Someone inform the presses, now!
Yeah, that is probably the intended message. It’s stupid though. If I were a parent (when I was a camp counselor, I experienced this) screaming/whining kids never made me want to give in. In fact, it made me less likely to give in.
The double meaning though here is obvious, and it makes me wonder how they missed it.
oh!!
I get how he thought it was a fail
I’m slow today
Eewww TPOB! I was just taking this as scream until Daddy stops the car until you said that. Just plain EEWWWW! *masturbates*
pedobear win!
Pedobear win = fail. The cat in the hat said so.
Interesting, Frank the giant rabbit told me to burn Pedobear’s house to the ground. You’ll never guess what was found in the basement!
child predator hands?
slaps face
with child predator hands?
LOL, somebody ought to report you
to the child predator police?
*gets out the itchy handcuffs*
will they fit on the child predator hands?
EPIC
3rd
holy shit
that sir, like yourself, is an oxymoron.
If they had a safety word, the screaming wouldn’t need to happen.
I like where you’re going with that. Shall we discuss our word now, or privately?
Um, sorry…but I’ve already got a word, and someone to tell it to…
*pouts*
Get off on your own and beat it, unlunchables —
I’ve got a snack date with a sweet ‘n’ tasty box deserving the treatment as a queen and a strawberry smoothie scream.
The safety word is “blizzard”.
Actually, it’s “five frosties”.
But… but Frosties are Wendy’s things! *head a splodes*
*facepalm*
He’ll beat the diabetes more easily if he knows where not to go.
Isn’t that every fast food joint in the nation?
but his wife’s name is Diabetes! D8
I thought his wife’s name was Incontinentia Buttocks.
foot nose
Not so bad. Dragon could have said “McFlurries”.
or “squishes”
or “squashes”
or one of the seven words you can never say on television or radio.
Hmph. I say those words all the time, really.
*squooshes*
In rough sex play, safety words *squelch* and *quash* you.
*scrunches*
*lunches*
*brunches*
*branches*
*leaves*
*…after packing trunk*
*hopes you remembered to eat and shoot first*
*barks*
*touches up roots*
*touches root*
Phytes the good phyte.
Oooh…my buds are here!
You cannot stamen from following you.
Oh, go on…tell me anther one!
I could get carpel tunnel syndrome typing out flower puns. I can be a real pistil. I don’t have to tell you about the birds and the bees!
Culm down, my admirable Admiral. Why don’t you just show me, instead?
Shoot, I’ll stop waxing poetic, and get bzzy makin’ honey.
Hive got your nectar right here, hunny.
*knows the vector to the nectar*
*is glad, ‘cuz you’re the bee’s knees*
Is this what they mean when they mention the birds and the bees?
I’m settling down for a night in white satin. Don’t stay up too late. We both need our strength.
What a coincidence…! I just happen to be wearing my
white satin negligee tonight.
Well, there’s a beginning to a good dream. Good night!
*smooch*
G’night!
*banana* 8D
Kinky sex reference = Win!
You thinking this refers to pedophilia = fail.
kinky? *masturbates*
Well, over-explanatory friend, I believe this could, theoretically, apply to nearly any situation where a child may prefer their parent of the male type to cease and decist from their current activities. For example, if I were your daddy, and was telling you to refrain from overexplaining the painfully obvious on an internet site dedicated to pointing out the inane and stupid, you might choose to scream until I stopped. But really, did you have to ask?
In space — no one can hear your explanations.
If your daddy doesn’t stop, will anyone hear you scream?
Daddy would turn the spaceship around if it didn’t take so long.
This is not a fail. This is a manipulation win…scream for ice cream until daddy stops here being the intended message.
So much win.
ohhh, dang. Thanks for ’splaining. I couldn’t figure out why they’d put something so weird up there.
No this is 100% WIN
Win for “daddys”
lunchbox = compulsive comment win
6 comments in 8 minutes = record
Loz, your evil twin is back…
If a twin is evil, is an evil twin of the evil twin good?
No. They are Hitler-evil.
You know who else liked evil?? HIT–
…oh. Hmph. Nevermind.
Godwin’s law – double fail
evil triplets?!?
evil triplets!?!?!
But who would be more evil? The elder twin or the younger, granted the difference is seconds apart.
I’d say it’d be the larger, dominant twin.
Ah, but this brings into question basic S&M rule, the submissive the the one who is truly in control. (Now that I think about this, that applies to the image, win?)
Thank you, Fake Loz! I truly have sought professional assistance, although my escape from the rehabilitation center was probably not for the best…
This is so very, very wrong, on so many levels.
You lie!! List them!
Dairy Queen = ice cream
Braizer = Bowl of hot glowing coals -> Meltdown fail.
Scream until Dady stops = Educational level fail
Parents will hate Dairy Queen if their children do as told
If daddy stops because of the screaming kid the kid learns how to get the goodies!
Haressment level awareness: win
!children dont take it quietly when something horrible happens!!
Enviromental level: Ice cream, air conditioning, room sprays, Fuel prices so low that crossing half a county virtualy costs some pennys… another wrong ^^
Sexism fail: Why has it to be daddy who stops, why not Mom?
Because whoman cant drive? o.O
Kinky level = Yea baby, bring it on ^^ scream for your Daddy
(whats that look on your face, something wrong?)
i’m pretty sure mom isn’t driving because she is too exhausted from daddy earlier.
Wow, this place has good service.
You should try the rear entrance.
*emergency exits*
Speaking of educational level fail:
You mispelled “daddy”, “pennies”, “virtually”, “woman”, “harassment”, and “brazier”.
You forgot a period at the end of the sentence “parents will hate Dairy Queen if their children do as told”.
You used “Daddy” and “daddy” interchangeably. You forgot apostrophes in the words “don’t”, “can’t”, and “what’s”.
You capitalized the word “fuel” when it was in the middle of a sentence. You used “yea” instead of “yeah”, which I think is an absolutely revolting word.
You made an epic grammar fail when you said “Why has it to be…”; either you’re using google translator, or you are really that stupid.
You forgot a comma when you said “If daddy stops because of the screaming kid the kid…”
The sentence “!children dont take it quietly when something horrible happens!!” is simply comical for many reasons.
And the over-all maturity level of that comment was embarrassing.
So. That is an educational level fail.
And the grammar police saves the day.
GRAMMATICALY CORRECT WIN.
*swoons*
*spoons*
You swept me off my feet with that. *fans self*
I can tell.
*sweeps Loz into his arms and gives her a romantic, movie-style kiss as doves magically appear from nowhere and flutter off into the sunset*
*jelly legs*
That was dovely.
You’d better watch your back, though…
Can’t. Too busy watching yours
Firstly, who is “he”?
Secondly, baby, you should know, you can’t kill a shadow.
I don’t want to say his name because of the failblog phenomenon whereby the named person magically appears.
Let’s just say he will pobably blast you to smithereens.
Thou art a shadow in love with the sun:
the sun comes …
____
~ Rumi
Hitler?
*knock on wood*
You’ve quoted that before.
And the sun comes? I’m sorry, but I think sex with a 6000°C ball of hot glowing gas and fire cannot be good for my genitalia.
It’s quite Rumi in here, yes. Not so much in Own Advice fail.
Hey
You’re saying I’m not a star?
I hope you don’t have Rumi-toid arthritis.
I was speaking literally, muh’dear. Believe me, you’re the hottest star I’ve ever seen.
*smooch*
I feel like a common hussy. A scarlet woman. Heee!
*hugs*
Oh no, Loz. You are a most UNcommon hussy!
Well, it’s been nice knowing you, Shadow.
*is confused*
What? You’re leaving? Why?
No no…I think you’re the one who will be taken out soon…
(Pssst…Loz has found herself a gallant protector.)
Oh, so naive.
Let’s just say someone’s going to want to mow his turf…
Oh. Pob.
… Meh.
The brilliance reflecting off her shining knight is going to light up the room, or at least provide some entertainment.
You reckon you’re a match for him? This should be interesting!
*sits back with popcorn and waits*
*sneaks some popcorn*
*shares* I can’t manage all of it, I have a small stomach and it’s near my bedtime. Nightcap?
No, I’m saying that I like you, I think you’re cool, but really, you’re a friend who I flirt with from time to time. I’m saying that when it comes right down to it, if some crazy Loz-fanatic comes in, I’m thus willing to step aside. And I’m saying, this is the internet. Really, what’s he going to do?
*removes glove*
*slaps Shadow’s face with said glove*
I demand satisfaction!
(And not the usual sexy kind Loz so kindly provides me!)
Oh, you spoil-sport with your silly rational ideas!
… Wow.
Oh, if you were hoping for an exhibition, I’m cool with that too.
*grabs sword, runs into the arena screaming a war-cry*
LOL.
If you run round the arena for long enough, you could cause pob to have a cardiac arrest from chasing you.
Now it’s my turn to lol.
*munchity-munch*
*steals popcorn*
The knights require refreshments, fair lady.
Are you not entertained?
Perpetually.
And I guess, in the end, I, Sir Shadow, am a protector of all the fair maidens, not just Loz.
Ooh, you slut!
In perpetuity.
*hugs Dragon and Loz, and yes, even pob*
*hug!*
*is relieved her comment calling Shadow a $lut hasn’t shown up yet*
*hugs!*
Aw, group hug!
*hugs*
*nestles into pob*
feels good to be home
You called me a WHAT?!?!
Home is where the heart is.
*cuddles*
Teehee. WHAT!
Just in reference to you ‘protecting’ every maiden
We need a ROFLcopter right about now.
SOI SOI SOI!
It soits you better than it does ‘Whut?’.
and i the brave archer
*pierces admiral’s heart*
hey dragon guess what’s at wally world
Nope…not guessing. You can tell me if you like, though.
oh mmm’k there iss a dragon (it’s more like a hydra)
incense holder i just got it and smoke pours out it’s mouth
Very cool!
And you leave the Admiral’s heart alone. I’m working on that myself.
Aye, life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass,
it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
yes ma’am
should i start writing a (main failblog members) comic strip
Shadow
September 27th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
You called me a WHAT?!?!
__________________________________
no she called you a slut
Go for it.
Hee…! So you are not afraid to have your Failbloggery immortalized in comic form?
I, myself, rather shudder at how I might be portrayed! :p
YaY I chaz a support
you of course are a dragon?
but what type? asian mayan european
Hey Corey, give it up.
hey i’m serious
She is, of course, the most beautiful of them all… Maysiapean!
Oh, never mind, I hadn’t read the whole thread. Carry on.
Oh! HI there, Avis!
*hugs!*
It’s the only way that I am likely to ever be immortalized.
Hello, how are things?
*hugs*
Gah. Still sick. I made soup. It’s not working.
I’ll probably live, though.
Well, we certainly hope so!
Do you see me as a prickly Bucky Kat type or more of a huggable Opus sort? And I am serious about your giving it a try.
Ooh…okay!
*hugs coyote*
Hmm…I’d say you’re more like a smart and sexy Cutter John type.
Oooooh, wait…you were talking to corey.
Nemmind.
You can trust me on this one. I don’t mind one smidgen. I’ll grow a mustache, just for you.
Sweet talker.
*grin*
the canine sort
we need these character ideas:
dragonwriter
avis
sara j.
BondFan (where has he been?)
loz
(help me i cant think)
There’s canine sort and then there’s canine sort. My avatar is Basil Brush (I know Basil is a fox and not a coyote. I like it. So there!), warm and friendly. Then there is the hound of the Baskervilles type.
Avis, according to my Cassell’s, means bird especially a bird of omen. Lots of portent there.
You could go ala’ Doonesbury and make an icon based on the personality that you wish to project in your strip.
well it’s kindof going to be a comic strip showing what would happen if these conversations got started in real life
Any idea where we might be able to see the fruits of your labors? In other words what will your media be?
Could be good. Lord knows that there is enough material lying about this place.
the posts will be on my name’s link. the media could be
anything probably done on photoshop
I like how failblog has turned into a big, flirty comment orgy.
I hate that. It’s as if some people don’t know that there are other internets outside of fail. *logs on to winblog*
That’s just because no one will give you a tumble.
i actually laughed first that it said “brazier”
which is a pan you use to hold coals.
<..>
i’m lame
No, I thought that was funny, too. Just pales in comparison.
(when brazen hussy burns brassiere in brazier, the dairy whites are pale in comparison)
I think that was clever. But it went over my head.
That’s his specialty. So much verbosity squandered on retarded failblog. Ah well, we can’t all win.
I like my deglazed brazen hussy braziers with with whipped cream and cherries.
And…honey?
Lots of honey that settles on the bottom.
That’s what she said.
*gives the Admiral a honey-covered cherry*
The Admiral cannot believe his pluck.
Hee…I do believe I’ve just been called a plucky lass.
I suggest we get to the bottom of it, lickety split.
Is that a banana you have there, or are you just happy to see me?
Slide closer and see for yourself.
*slides*
Hmmm…that looks awfully nice. Needs a little honey, though.
Let me help you with that.
was it a banana
Honey is good for a sore throat.
Ain’t tellin’.
*enjoys the simul with the Admiral*
fail idea
You guys have GOT to stop…
Hi K!
What are you wearing, sweetie?
wow failblog, disallowing shifty eyes fail?
coals melt ice cream.
it’s like, awkward rock paper scissors.
lawlz
awkward rock paper scissors.. like “cat, microwave, aluminum foil”?
yes.
cat>aluminum foil
microwave>cat
aluminum foil>microwave
In the end, everything explodes.
OMG SPOILERS <:(
He’s your dad.
(Don’t scream).
It’s pretty obvious that the “s” in scream is photoshopped from the S at the end of “stops.” Although, I’m not quite sure where daddy comes from…but the S is definitely photoshopped.
well, even if you take the S off, it’s still “cream until daddy stops” which is not much better.
i think you meant, “cream until daddy tops”.
I’m photoshopping an “o” in place of the first “t” in your name. Now move along.
Parent Patience Fail.
Child Annoyance Win.
don’t get ice cream at DQ…you’ll get raped!!!!
A winning combo! *Goes to DQ*
How could they NOT see something wrong with that?
Not everyone’s head is in the gutter.
Fortunate, really, as society couldn’t function if people went around blocking proper drainage with their heads.
B3nd 0v3r and I’ll block your drainage with my head!
…
I can’t believe I just said that.
You must not live in the U.S. Every child mind is devirginized by age 11.
But how? Seems like everything in the US is censored and pretty tame.
It’s that damn rap music. Singing about smacking hoes always works the kids into a frenzy.
Fake as fake can be.
So … this is as real a fake as a fake can be, really?
*cries*
Dilettante, are you a real pretend emo, or truly just an imaginary figment of my actual sex fantasies?
She is the allen wrench that unlocks the first aid kit that treats your burns.
I’ll have to kiss his burns, that first aid kit is full of bees.
You’ll do it gracie-fully, I’m sure.
Say goodnight, dilly.
Goodnight, dilly!
This is a blatant ripoff from a National Lampoon book (I forget which one although I own it) and is probably a copyright violation as I am sure it was scanned directly from the page.
Old, circa mid 1980s, and copyrighted. Hope y’all paid for the privilege of rehashing this one.
LMFAO!!!!!!11!!eleventy!!!
ahahaha, rehashing
i figured drugs were involved in the way you used the term “y’all”.
Y’all is an acceptable second person plural pronoun. I know you Yankees like using “yous” (rhyming with goose) instead, but in this part of the country we use y’all.
The picture was copyrighted by National Lampoon back in 1995 in the book “National Lampoon Presents True Facts: the Big Book”.
Good luck on the infringement lawsuit.
Hey it works LoL
There was a Dairy Queen around here with something similar on the sign, “Ice cream until daddy stops”.
Why would you ever want Daddy to stop? I hope Daddy never stops!
*never stops*
*screams and masturbates*
.
So, false one, you find yourself at a Loz for words?
Imposter? I hardly know ‘er!
STROKE ME.
-grabs oar-
-grabs aneurysm lancet-
*utters shallow complements*
PRICELESS!!
PRETZELSS!!
:masturbates:
:rasterbates:
I always thought screaming meant you were doing it right..
Why stop?
and if daddy doesn’t stop?
Just keep screaming…
Which?
churchsigngenerator.com
says-it.com has a bunch of sign generators
Advertising WIN.
Nah, this is from the Lampoon book, not photoshopped. Maybe colored by photoshop, since the book was black and white.
The “Brazier” means they have grilled burgers. Some DQ’s have grills, some don’t, and the ones with grills have that sign.
two hundred and eightyith! FTW!
I screamed once and got bitch-slapped by my dad because it startled him.
Umm, this is obviously a billboard WIN.
Cause Daddy likes it when you scream.
Whether this one image is fake or not, I have seen real ones Dairy Queen signs that say exactly the same thing.
You know what I miss? Fail of the week. By now I think it’d be fail of the month, though.
Agreed. I also miss ‘Burn Of The Week.’ I guess it hurt someone’s feelings too much.
I have to say this pic would make a killer hilarious t-shirt. I can see my students wearing it already.
See, it was so long ago that I even forgot what it was called.
So what happens when mommy stops?
lmao. that’s hilarious!
All my screaming won’t stop daddy…I’m going to craw into the fetal position and cry myself to sleep.