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Cheezburger Network Blog
LAST!
I mean, look at the fail, you’re getting 4 scissors and it says two! GOSH.
its a 4 for the price of 2 FAIL SALE
Yep, this is a screwed sale
Dont run with screwdrivers
..or forks
…and never ever screw with forklift drivers
…or penis’ (in your hand)
I mean, you could get someone (or something) pregnent
… or chainsaws, unless being chased by a raging horde of flesh eating zombies of course.
… or a screwdriver with a fork taped to it, Could be kinda dangerous
especially if you stick it in a toaster.
It might get stuck up your kid’s nose.
That’s good so long the kid is a certified zombie, otherwise, danger!
Screwdriver win!
or by Amy Winehouse
Honestly, I think that’s scarier than a raging horde of flesh eating zombies.
I thought she WAS a flesh eating zombie!
no no no… you got her all wrong.. she won’t EAT you, but she sure will snort you
Amy Winehouse doesn’t “do” coke, she just likes the smell….
Or unless you’re an ’80s Wall Street yuppie whose hooker is running away. (and you can only be wearing sneakers)
Bateman is only one letter away from…. BATMAN!
In which case running would be useless; they’d get you regardless.
You might spill it!
Especially if they belong to the Doctor (see Dr. Who).
You’re a screwed sale
Meant to be used like chopsticks.
chopsticks?! do they come with strawberries??
hi hi hi hi hi!!! took me half a year to see what you did here ( :
I did, though, offer a fittingly piquant fruit together with which to ♪wake up and smell the coffee♪ this morning ↓↓
… cuz that is how we roll … sweet t’heart …
*ACTION LOVE!!!**
____
(*And they will have proposed for us a stage in the timeless perfect future…)
Do not insert into penis
Yes, good idea, they should make a sign to let people know. :quirk:
They already have.
personal experience?
You’re a Personal Experience
So’s your mom. Also, you’re getting a little old. Also like your mom.
Dont make me turn this blog around.
Can you turn the beat around? I love to hear percussion.
do you love to turn it upside down?
Is Slim a little vague on one of the meanings of screwing?
What the hell is a “2 Piece Scissor Set” anyway? Is it one PAIR of scissors? or is it TWO pairs of scissors?
No, it’s four screwdrivers.
I love it
I loled so much
You Laughed Out LoudED so much?
Sometimes you see gals use a 2 piece scissor set in synchronized swimming (but I think the most kicks are when they use monokinis).
I prefer it when they wear pink sheers.
I like to watch them scissor
duh. “Scissor me, Xerxes!”
It’s enough to driver you to madness.
It can really screw with your mind
Where’s my hat?
On your ass?
In your Mind?
In your head? In your he-ee-eh-ead?
Zombie!
Just look at your selfishness
With a needle full of sin
No peace of love or happiness
You follow the artificial glow
With their tanks and their bombs and their bombs and their guns
In your head, in your head, they are failing
Haha, I always love how she pronounces ‘guns’ like ‘gons’.
I promise we don’t all say it like that, here.
I always assumed she was exercising a bit of poetic license to turn guns into a near rhyme with bombs.
In Limerick in Ireland, you mean?
mmmm … cranberries
Haha, yes. In Limerick they all speak in limericks. Something in the water.
and they all wear green all the time.
and kiss each other cuz they’re Irish
I actually bought a green hoodie yesterday. And someone did kiss me.
I’m a perfect stereotype!
Where is your mind?
Where’s your head at? Wheres your head at!?
On the shaft
Open your mind. Quaid, start the reactor
♪ oooo oooo oooo ♪
What’s the big Kim Deal?
Wanna fight club about it?
Kelley does.
Where’s me washboard?
Oh well!
*masturbates*
Item Identification Fail!
!liaF noitacifitnedI metI
Try a spellchecker. Maybe the world will understand you.
I suspect that it is going to take more than a spellchecker to accomplish that.
bratenboy’s comment is just MettanAtem’s comment backwards.
¿uɐǝɯ noʎ op ʇɐɥʍ
Oh no, you just didn’t say that!!!
I didn’t catch it. I’m so embarrassed. *buries face in hands*
There there…
*pat pat pat*
You can still hang out with us.
You used the term “hang out” in this place? You live dangerously.
Oh ye gods…I did, didn’t I?
You can…um…put your pants back on. You know, if you want to. No obligations, though.
BORN FREE
As free as the wind blows
As free as the grass grows
*Starts to remove shirt too*
*gets in on action*
*goes amorphous*
*draws the shades*
*gurgle*
(distinguishable goo will not nest below this level)
I thought that corey was the one who could draw.
i gotta go take a pill
ohhh!!!!! Thanks
Is that a threat?!
Screw you four time!
fail, i see 4 pieces
I’m hope you also see the word scissor
Wait, YOU’RE hope??
Heh. *snicker*
There must be two other Graces around her somewhere, then…
Let’s have Faith…
All you need is love!
Come on people. Show a little charity here.
Come on people, now
Smile on your brother…
Darn you and your catchy tunes!!!!
AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!
“When I was an alien, cultures weren’t opinions”
“When I was an opinion, cultures weren’t alien”
The wheels on the bus go
round and round
round and round
round and round
Okay, you know that smooch I just gave you…?
I TAKE IT BACK! :p
Everybody get together,
)
Try to love one another right now.
(Not that I have to ask, pob
The audacity!
Rest in pieces
nice …
(although for this frik, one could also say “blow out” in pieces — the literal etymology of “nirvana”)
Gotta find a way to find a way when I’m there
Gotta find a way – a better way – I had better wait
Never met a wise man, if so it’s a woman
Gotta find a way to find a way when I’m there
Gotta find a way – a better way – I had better wait
territorial pissings
Sweet, I submitted this!
I found it in my local walgreens, they had like 5 that said this and then 5 that said “4 piece screwdriver set” I guess they figured it out, but it def made me laugh, and of course think of failblog
In soviet russia scissors screw you
This is the closest I’ve seen a non-original Soviet Russia joke to being funny.
In Soviet Russia, south of the border, the runs get you.
All hail and obey Montezuma, or he shall have his revenge!
It obviously a Do-it-yourself-kit. You have to put it together correctly and you wind up with scissors.
Dull multi-purpose scissors
Succinctly, “Some assembly required.”
*dissembles*
*dissovles*
*disapproves of another disgraceful-pun thread*
*disgruntled*
*disinherits Loz*
*disaparates* I gotta go, I need to get ready to meet up with the girls for happy hour. And it takes more than an hour to get there! Toodles!
*despairs*
I REALLY need to go get those papers graded. Though I’d much rather pun around with you guys.
*cries*
You shoulda said “disappointed” or “dislikes that prospect” or something like that.
It’s not a fail, you’re just not using them properly. I see two pairs of scissors here, simply dull and split apart.
Get glasses.
I lol’d
If all you have is a hammer all problems look like nails.
If all you have are two pair of scissors and your problems start looking like screws then you are doing it wrong.
Win.
I Concur!
Conquer Win!
Who was it that said that first part anyway? Was it Jesus? He was, after all, a carpenter.
I doubt it. Jesus never really got hammered.
Though, according to the stories, he did get nailed!
Ball Game!!!!
Mmmm. I love Screwdrivers. Is it afternoon yet? I could drink four.
Dammit, my reply had the word f’uck uncensored.
B3nd 0ver and I’ll show you f’uck uncensored!
(Yeah, I know I’ve already done a “b3nd 0ver” joke today, but the set up here was just too perfect.)
You can never b3nd 0ver too many times.
^ never met gasman
True say.
Screwdrivers are okay, but I prefer perpendicular hulas.
I prefer Harvey Wallbangers
You can go bang Harvey against the wall all you like…no one here will judge you.
No question about it. Someone screwed up.
i need help please someone
What’s up, corey?
the world’s killing me
I’m sorry you feel that way…it sounds like you need to talk to someone close to you, like a parent or teacher or pastor or counselor. Do you have someone you can go to?
i hate my family
Did anything special start hate?
I think we’ve all felt that way at one time or another…I know I have. But now they are one of the most important parts of my life. I know that families have their problems, but usually they are good for helping out with this kind of thing.
How about a counselor at school?
Corey has gone awful quiet.
He’ll be back, I’m sure. He’s very young, though, so he might not be back tonight.
Speaking of…I really am very, very ill, so I do need to do what the Admiral said and get to bed.
Oh…and I was very glad to see someone respond to a cry for help with kindness. I’m glad you did that. You can have your *smooch* back.
*smooch*
May angels sing thee to thy rest. aka good night.
Dang those are some loud angels. I can’t sleep.
*settles back by the fire with a book*
Try a fifth of cough syrup.
Ew…that tasted awful.
I think I need a nice hot toddy chaser.
I’ve never chased a hot toddy. Are they fast?
More like…tricksy.
You actually wrote “tricksy”? The cough medicine is taking effect>
Not > but . Blasted little boxes.
Hee…I have written far sillier things whilst much more
compos mentis.
Anyone with a composed mind is not aware of the situation.
And yet in my mind are a score of notes, a veritable symphony of composers. Er…composures.
Twenty notes? Short symphony.
I just noticed on the “Recent Comments” list that we are the only ones posting. Ahh, alone at last.
It’s the best I can do right now. Give a feverish dragon a break.
:p
Hmmm. And I just gave you some tongue. That was rather cheeky of me.
I mean that we are the only ones in this joint. Rest your fevered brow and think light hearted thoughts.
Some spicy tongue can be quite tasty.
*rests fevered tongue and thinks of spicy hearts*
Be careful. Those can give you heartburn.
On the other hand you breath fire so there should be no problem.
Warning, observation on life ahead: Isn’t it strange how the things that give us a warm glow in our hearts can so quickly give us heartburn.
*chuckle*
It’s true. Sad…but true. I’m hoping there are warm glows out there that have a slightly different result, though!
Time for me to attempt some slumber, so I leave you to your dragons lair. Goodnight and don’t let those vociferous angels keep you up too long.
G’night!
Are you still there Corey? Take your time. I’ll be here.
By the way. You can tell us anything. I’m an old teacher and thus have heard everything.
Let’s all have ourselves a little cry
There is someone who needs help. I am someone who helps. If you find that humorous then so be it. Jerk.
“dust it off and jerk it,
let ‘em know you worth it”
But this is not humorous. Try CBT, corey.
Plus nobody need suffer with modern pharmacology. Ask me anything, honey.
I s’pose you missed the movie reference. Oh well. I lol’d.
Yup. I completely missed it. Still do. What’s the movie?
What’s wrong with those scissors?!
nothing :O
Scissor Me Timbers!
photoshop. look closely at the text… BOO!
So does arnt sissors?
quantiti win !
only girl on girl like these scissor / screws