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Gloves Fail


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Submitted by John D

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» 324 Failures in Communication

  1. bonocat says:

    pedo bear must have a pair

  2. fuzz on the concept says:

    “To enjoy life, we must touch much of it lightly.”
    ~ Voltaire

    • Pretentious White Girl says:

      Lightly, in inappropriate places?

      • thepowerofblue says:

        You mean in bathing suit places?

        • Pretentious White Girl says:

          Heehee. Euphemisms are silly. Especially Victorian ones like “in an interesting condition.”
          On that note, has anyone seen Sara J recently??

          • RogueThree says:

            Let’s not forget modern-day America’s “restroom”. Seriously, unless you’re a homeless guy, you don’t rest in a restroom.

            • fluffy says:

              I beg to differ Rouge. Growing up in a large family, the restrooms are sometimes the only place you can find peace.

              • RogueThree says:

                Okay, but I meant “rest” as in take a nap. Oh, and I’d appreciate if you didn’t call me “Rouge” again, because I am not makeup, nor am I French and red.

                • fluffy says:

                  opps… *turns rouge*

                  • Helyt says:

                    sherry colay must have a strange range!

                    • Loz says:

                      ‘Restroom’ has always baffled me. I understand the need to make it sound as polite as possible, but what’s wrong with ‘bathroom’ or just ‘toilet’?

                      • Dragonwriter says:

                        AAAUUGGHH!!

                        Don’t you know that the word “toilet” is vulgar?? It’s “bathroom tissue” for us, theng-kew-veddy-much.

                        We Americans do love our euphemisms. *rolls eyes*

                        • Loz says:

                          Haha, even ‘bathroom’ here is considered posh if you’re referring to public toilets. We’re a scummy people in comparison, I guess.

                        • South of the Border says:

                          (toilet paper won’t flush below this level)

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Not at all. We are just unable or unwilling to see the reality of things, and feel the need to hide behind fabricated veneers of antiseptic propriety.

                        • Loz says:

                          *rests*
                          *nods off*
                          *falls in the toilet*

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          *resists the urge to “flush”!*

                        • South of the Border says:

                          Is that like a reverse swirly?

                        • Malfeasant says:

                          personally ‘bathroom’ is probably the politest i go, sometimes it’s the crapper, sometimes the shitter, but usually toilet suffices for me

                        • Loz says:

                          I might be purchasing a golden crapper tomorrow…
                          I’m waiting on the lottery numbers; this week’s Euro Millions draw is worth £100 million.
                          Cross your fingers!

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          You’ll be sharing with your bestest blog-buddies…right??

                          :grin:

                        • South of the Border says:

                          3 cheers for Loz!

                        • Loz says:

                          Hmm, random people on the internet I’ve never met? Sure! :)

                        • ghehorg says:

                          toilet suffeces for me ;-)

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Urine big trouble, mister.

                        • RogueThree says:

                          What? That’s bullsh*t.

                        • Loz says:

                          I didn’t win :(

                        • RogueThree says:

                          (FYI, only on the package is it called “bathroom tissue”. Nobody I know actually calls it that.)

                        • Loz says:

                          …your packages say ‘bathroom tissue’? For real?!

                        • RogueThree says:

                          They really, honest to God, do, because if a corporation puts something on its package that someone in this country would find mildly offensive, a million-dollar lawsuit would ensue. Which is weird because the logo for the Savage Arms company has so far not been changed. Right now, it’s a profile view of a Native American. Now that I might actually get upset about.

                        • fluffy says:

                          yes… sadly… for real
                          .
                          I also have the hardest time finding tampons in the supermarket. They’re in aisles named with weird code names.

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          How about those Washington Redskins?

                        • raelalt says:

                          Is that some sort of double-entendre? Sounds dirty.

                        • Loz says:

                          Because ‘toilet roll’ offends all those people who… were discriminated against… because of their…
                          Hmm.

                        • RogueThree says:

                          People who think that saying anything related to human waste is equivalent to killing the President.

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Especially for icky female stuff. “Feminine hygiene products”, indeed. It just reinforces the age-old stereotypes that women are dirty and unhygienic. We should all go sit in our red tents so we won’t contaminate the “pure” folks.

                          Sheesh.

                        • raelalt says:

                          If you omit the word “killing” there is an equivalency.

                        • RogueThree says:

                          Wait. I just realized something. We are having a serious discussion about toilet paper. Of all the things to have an intellectual conversation about…

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          raelalt…*SNORK!!*

                        • Loz says:

                          Well, it is a sin to even touch a woman when she’s menstruating!
                          We have that here, too, though. With the ’sanitary products’ and ‘feminine hygiene products’.

                        • RogueThree says:

                          Raelalt, you are so lucky I’m not drinking anything. Just, please don’t use that same joke next year.

                        • Loz says:

                          Hah! I was drinking but I managed to keep it in my mouth.

                        • raelalt says:

                          RogueThree, I truly hope I don’t have reason to do so.

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          So Rogue spits and Loz swallows…interesting.

                        • RogueThree says:

                          If McCain gets elected you can stick the word “vice” in there.

                        • raelalt says:

                          Would that be a European or African…

                        • Loki says:

                          It depends, if 2 Europeans did it with a bit of string…

                        • Loz says:

                          I saw that new interview she did… was she genuinely trying to say that because she’s from Alaska she has good foreign policy knowledge. Because of the proximity to Russia? And she seemed to insinuate if Russia attacked America, Alaska would be their first port of call?

                        • Loki says:

                          Dude, where else are they supposed to enter the Mines of Moira to get to Middle earth?

                        • raelalt says:

                          Loz, that’s the way I read it. It is f**king depressing that
                          a sizable chunk of the American voters are actually buying
                          her crap. That McBush and Phailin could actually win the
                          election if it were held today. I wish my dad had retired in
                          the Netherlands instead of bringing us back here first.
                          .
                          Would you adopt me so I can live over there?

                        • raelalt says:

                          Of course you’d have to improve the weather a bit. That Northern Irish weather is a bit cool for my taste.

                        • RogueThree says:

                          Dragon, please don’t call me gay. I know you were only joking, but for much of the time I’ve spent here in Hell… er, North Carolina… I’ve been teased by people who think I’m gay because I use big words, and don’t have a girlfriend. I mean, it kills me a little inside every time. That’s true of my dad, now, too, and I’m living proof he wasn’t gay. I mean, I don’t care that they’re teasing me, it’s just that they’re also spreading it around the school, and we all know how Southerners treat gay people. Oh my God, I just spent an entire post whining about my life problems to people I’ve only met on the Internet. No wonder I don’t have a girlfriend… *fetal position*

                        • Loz says:

                          Haha. It’s pretty mild here actually. We’re warmed by the North Atlantic Drift.
                          It doesn’t get very hot, but it doesn’t get very cold.
                          I’m planning to adopt… but I wasn’t planning on adopting someone twice my age lol. You can come and live illegally in my shed, though?

                        • Loz says:

                          Oh and if the republicans get voted in… I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. Shake my head in despair and strap myself in for the ride.

                        • raelalt says:

                          If McCain wins, expect a tenant for that shed.

                        • Loz says:

                          Aww, Rogue, c’mere *cuddles*
                          I know what that feels like.

                        • fake loz says:

                          Proper English call it a “water closet” or “privy”

                        • Loz says:

                          No, actually, they call it a lavatory.

                        • RogueThree says:

                          That’s all right, I got it all out of my system. Back to the same wisecracking, music-quoting, Star-Wars-loving American high-school senior you all know.

                        • raelalt says:

                          Loz: No, actually, they call it a lavatory.
                          .
                          You mix chemicals in there too?

                        • RogueThree says:

                          No, raelalt, lavatory. Like the breed of retriever.

                        • Loz says:

                          The people who would use the word ‘lavatory’… probably, yes. I don’t know how else they’d get through the day.

                        • raelalt says:

                          Rogue, I went through that in high school also. I was small,
                          geeky (before geeky was semi-cool), interested in music, hated sports, and extremely shy around girls.
                          .
                          That kind of personality got you beat up a lot back in the 60’s.

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Sorry, Rogue. It never occurred to me that making such an allusion would be offensive…at least in this company. It was a “wordplay” thing much more than a topical “gay” thing, as I just cannot resist connecting things that really don’t connect.

                          I certainly didn’t mean to make you feel bad. My apologies.

                        • RogueThree says:

                          Well, I think that beating someone up at school should legally qualify as assault… because why should teenage assholes be immune to charges that can be pressed on adult assholes?

                        • RogueThree says:

                          Oh, no, I’m fine, I just tend to get offended easily. I am American, after all.

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Well, I seem to be apologizing for myself a lot today. I think I’ll just go curl up in my lair for a bit.

                        • RogueThree says:

                          That, and the fact that I forgot to take my Prozac last night. I think that might somehow have something to do with it.

                        • coyote says:

                          Is amateurzac cheaper?

                        • vlm says:

                          Actually, there is a group of people who have perfected the ‘art’ of resting in such rooms. And it truly is an art… but seriously, narcoleptics have been sneaking to survive nap attacks in rest rooms for ages.

                          It was probably a narcoleptic who started calling it a rest room to begin with.

                        • Anon says:

                          tiny replies are tiny

                      • me says:

                        yeah! why restroom?
                        you never go there to rest anyway. the other way around more likely. i mean… shit.

            • allera says:

              If you go to the fancier department stores, there are often couches, both inside and outside the official “Restroom,” so it kinda still works in our culture. (At least, it does for women. Haven’t checked the men’s side yet).

              • ghehorg says:

                no couches for us… we dont spend enough time in there to warrant that expense. We would rather have the shortest lines.

              • random says:

                yeah but don’t forget those couches are for women who are breast feeding. or at least that’s what they’re supposed to be for. i wouldn’t want to nap on any of those. *shudder*

          • Belcker'n says:

            That reminds me of a quote:

            “Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them.” – Terry Pratchett

        • Shifter2014 says:

          Yes, when I was in 5th grade we had a performance to show us about those.

  3. Pam says:

    I hope it means that they will fit a child. :)

  4. Mike says:

    Unfortunate choice of words.

  5. UmberGryphon says:

    Gloves that make you look like a Predator from AVP, in a child size. Although they clearly could have said that better….

  6. chris says:

    at least peterasses use protection now

  7. Jurgen says:

    [Phail] I dont get the fail, someone take a minute out of their busy masterbating session and explain it to me. [/Phail]

    • Pretentious White Girl says:

      Sarcasm?

    • mystrdat says:

      Well, the glove size is not certainly for kids, is it?

      • Loki says:

        That depends on the size of the shoe in relation to the aformentioned glove. If it was a child’s shoe then we can assume the glove is rather small in nature. However we also can note the size of the tiles on the ground which typically measure 12″ x 12″. Thus drawing the conclusion that not only is our first hypothesis incorrect but these gloves belong to someone of a rather large stature. Typically these people are sports or public official icons. Therefore we can also tag this with, Role Model fail.

        • Pretentious White Girl says:

          Explanation win.

        • Lunchbox says:

          Upon further scientific analysis, I find that your summation of the painfully obvious floor tile sizing is accurate, and also conclude that it is very rare that this type of tile resides anywhere other than on the ground. Careful inspection of the given photo provides us the fact that the gloves are either, indeed, on the ground, or that gravity was temporarily suspended for the duration of this photograph.

          I thank you, in the name of all that is dear and analytical, for your astute and timely informational diatribe.

    • razer says:

      i think its more likely the fact that they are child predator gloves. child predator as in a paedophile. and yes paedophile is spelt right so don’t try correct me on it

    • megalupin says:

      There are a few reasons it fails.

      Predator is not a childs movie, so why make merchendise for children? The title of the gloves suggest preying on children, and then HELLO pedos!

  8. fuzz on the concept says:

    “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
    ~ Mae West

  9. Pretentious White Girl says:

    I’m still waiting for a “everyone posting below this point is gay” comment. I guess they filter those now.

  10. signe says:

    Predator hand for children… Maybe they should have thought about what “child predator” is.

  11. D says:

    Clean floor FAIL

  12. izzyboy says:

    I wonder if it comes with a snap tube of children’s tears just in case you need some form of lubricant…

  13. neon says:

    If only child predators were so easily identifiable by their leathery reptilian hands. :\

  14. ubr says:

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

    now that’s just hilarious….

  15. samr says:

    This is somewhat unrelated but, why should Failblog cap commenting when it’s peoples browsers that fail.

  16. fuzz on the concept says:

    To catch a child alien.

  17. Cloral says:

    “69 Failures in Communication »”

    Failblog gets in on the act.

  18. Smelly says:

    One must wonder what the red underline is concealing. It appears there may be more potentially humorous text under there.

  19. Jimmy says:

    So THAT’S what Michael Jackson was trying to cover up by wearing a glove on one hand!

  20. Net Handle Whompa1 says:

    Chris Hanson HELP!!!!

  21. Killerwit says:

    Looks to me like this is a condom for molesting children that you can use five times in a row. (I feel bad for writing that but it’s done now.)

  22. Traverse says:

    Curious…these look suspiciously like the gloves used in the Thriller music video…I wonder.

  23. Muffles says:

    Not a fail, the cabin was at the base of the mountain long before the avalanche hit.

  24. Samantha says:

    *giggle*

    Silly toy company.

  25. ghehorg says:

    Sitting on a park bench….. ;-)

  26. Your huggable Uncle Jerry says:

    Ah, there they are!

  27. South of the Border says:

    Once upon a time, when I worked at a children’s camp, I had a large green minivan. I always had candy in there, just because I like candy. Whenever I would drive my minivan around camp, people would look at my like I was some sort of bad person. I didn’t understand.

    Now it all comes to me.

  28. Kerfuffle Monger says:

    Okay, so if the child predator hands are right there, we have nothing to worry about, right?

  29. altar boy says:

    *is deeply afraid*

  30. someone says:

    I see what is odd about this but I think nothing of it, probably because i used to work at a halloween store.

  31. Weß says:

    I have the same shoes!

  32. Danielle says:

    Was the shoe in the picture needed? I think not.

  33. fish says:

    gary glitter has some of these

  34. Erikah says:

    Pedobear’s ultimate weapon.

  35. Someone Important says:

    Someone found my hands!! I can’t touch, I mean, ummm… Nevermind! I said nevermind! I SAID NEVERMIND!!

  36. Dude Man says:

    LOL ! CHILD SIZE MY FOOT ! Literally !



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