Meat Snack Fail
Submitted by Michael via drugmonkey
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FIRST FAIL!
Does this mean you’ve lost your FAILginity?
Hi pob, we missed you at the party last night
Yeah, man. Loz seemed lonely.
Man, I’m always missing out on the cool parties.
Which is why I’m a one man party machine! Where’s the party at? Right here! Woohoo! Anybody wanna see my baton?
*no responses for an hour*
Aw, I just made myself sad again.
I think they’re asleep. They partied pretty hard.
I’m still hungover.
*brews a lot of coffee*
Dude, thanks!
Ooooh…coffee…!
*glug*
Now how the he11 am I supposed to get rid of this hangover?
Woops. Sowwy.
*guilty look*
ah well. More tequila.
or decaf.
You always fail at loosing your FAILignity – you’ll never be free from it D:
WTF is wrong with people on this blog? Why the hell do people think it’s funny to be “first”? And I thought Digg had some ignorant comments, but this takes the cake.
If you want to comment, PLEASE come up with something original. This idea beyond done!
If there weren’t people going “FIRST!” then what would the people who post to complain about firsters have to complain about?
Those People Who Shout Second, or PWSS.
I hate those PWSS, no place in heaven for them
From all the people who are said to have no chance to get into heaven, you’d think the place was the universe’s most exclusive night club or something. St. Peter should be the patron saint of bouncers!
No. This is epic win by reason of innuendo.
i am a meat popsicle
Any shop that even has a ‘meat snacks’ section is automatically a fail.
Sounds like he mist be at least 50% more
Commenting on the right comment – Fail
Haha!
Hmpfh – I can see the bully from Simpsons in my head now.
Nelson Muntz
If you had that laugh and were ugly, you’d be Nelson Muntzer.
Hah!
Really? That was funny? *Kills self*
Suicide is a mortal sin,
But I can see why you would do it,
That joke was awful.
I am letting you into heaven anyway.
*Opens Gate*
finally
…someone let me out of my cage. Time for me is nothing because I’m counting no age.
Ooooo. Can I join your organization?? Lookee:
*****__*****
*hopeful look*
I’m actually a card-carrying member of the Ellipsis Foundation…
… I never saw you on the rolls…
Hmm… I wonder if I should join…
GORILLAZ WIN!
^ a failed primate
…
(Not really, fuzzy…www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCy928QJCDE)
GORILLAZ WIN!
Mist be indeed…
Meatdrinks are OK though.
not as good as meat desserts. You gotta try the mousse!
Meat mousse? *vomits*
Reminds me of this, although more of a soup:
poetry.rotten.com/simmer/
Thank you for that Loz. I needed some good masturbation material. This works wonders!
I suddenly remembered why I haven’t checked rotten.com for over 8 years. Too sick for me and my appetite. It totally killed my craving for meatmousse.
It was… THE SALMON MOUSSE!
darling, you didn’t use canned salmon, did you?
IN THE LIBRARY! WITH THE REVOLVER!
Dude… Get a clue.
You don’t have a monopoly on humor, you know.
No, but at least I have a life.
I want both of you to say you’re sorry!
But that will be such an operation!
And not without some Risk.
*continues his trivial pursuit for more board-game puns*
It boggles the mind…
My thoughts are all scrabbled.
We’re the masterminds of themed-pun threads.
Balderdash. You are clearly just avoiding the issue.
Its just like comparing Apples to Apples.
nesting may collapse like a house of cards
*makes plans to take a cruise along the Yahtzee River*
That’s like a Mille Bornes-length trip!
How about some cribbage and corned beef for dinner tonight?
I’ll bring the spoons!
I’m kind of in trouble over here, so I can’t make it.
Eek! A mouse!!
Where’s the Mousetrap??
Quick! Scattergories!
*reversis direction and runs*
GO!!!
“That we can call these delicate creatures ours,
And not their appetites!” – Othello
I haven’t scene it since you screamed…
Quit quoting Shakespeare! *kills Border with the main gun of a battleship*
Uno momento! I LIKE it when men quote Shakespeare to me!
Sorry, I was just flaunting my Memory.
It’s just a matter of Concentration.
It’s great when you make a connect 4 games and Shakespeare.
Indeed. I was happy to get that off my chesst.
Unfortunately, I must be off for now. Perhaps we could resume this thread on a mystery date?
The lot of you should be locked up in solitaire for that crumby jokes war.
Hey!
Have a hearts!
:p
I’m just calling a spades a spades.
There were 33 games in that thread, and there’s more underneath. We’re amazing.
Well, that was a parcheesi comeback.
To me those are just bored games;
I’d prefer to twist ‘er for a comeback.
How about some Chutes and Ladders?
That game takes Stratego-ry
*surrenders to the grammar police*
Yes, I believe it’s “strategery”.
But Stratege is not a game, Stratego is!
But I am missing my period.
Congratulations!
Nope. Found it!
ahh, too bad, Southie, better luck next month
Ah, well I guess that’s Life.
There is something about meat mousse that makes me think it is a hair care product.
*snork!*
Will you Mary me?
Oh, honey!
I thought you liked my meat’s mousse?
A meat moose bit my sister.
There was moose meat loving meat in Bristol five months ago.
Hmmm with lots of gravy and a tablespoon of lard.
mousse? is that like moose? no thanks, i’m not into bestiality. no meat desserts for me, thanks.
just meat snacks?
Good lord, haven’t any of you ever heard of paté?? Meat mousse!
Mmmmmmmm….*droooooooools*
What am I? Chopped liver?
*grin*
Only the very best kind, and the highest quality, my friend!
My favorite meat drink is meatavegavitamin.
Fifth Element FTW!
Oh, thank you. I knew I recognized this quote, but I couldn’t remember from which movie!
more like Meat Packaging
My thoughts exactly!
Slide Packaging.
Hm…why don’t you slide that package over this-a-way?
You get 18 for the price of 12.
Allah akbar!
That’s not how it’s spelled, idiot — and we’ve been over that already.
An you’re an idiot, idiot — and we’ve been over that, too.
Allahu Akbar?
Hu let the real God out?!
I’m not just a piece of meat!
Not a light snack either from what Loz was saying ;o)
He’s a three course meal!
Flattery will get you everywhere, m’lady.
Hey, what was that about no lovey dovey nonsense? It’s still lovey-dovey, just more crude.
No, we just have SEKS, like Loz said. (Apparently I am a piece of meat!) :p
Don’t listen to the hypocrites, darling. They like to think they are young and crass and have no need for such useless things as romance. And, of course, they prove themselves wrong over and over again!
Romance and/or sex, I’ll be happy to provide whatever Loz wants!
Oh, go on then. I’ll have six of one and half a dozen of the other
That meat snack sux
The jerky tastes terrible, but it lasts all day.
Eugh, beef jerky, that’s one thing I wish you yanks had kept to yourselves.
Mmmm Jerky.
DO WANT!
Jerky? That’s what I had to settle for yesterday after Loz left me hanging. :p
*masturbates*
*yanks*
*canucks*
*russkies*
*swedes*
*irishfolks*
*japanese*
*poles*
Also *swedes*!!
*ahem*
Look up, Dilly ^^^^
Silly, hence the “also”. *shares*
Silly, dilly, also, hence, *frenches*.
Enough of these laosy country jokes!
I cut my chin too bad that and I can’t eat my two bagels.
What do you call a cow whacking off?
Beef Jerky
Dried meat was invented in the U.S.? Surely not. I believe that the British just don’t know how to jerk correctly.
In the U.S. there are many recipes for it. We have a lot of jerks here.
There I insulted both the Brits and Americans. There’s talent for you.
More like blows
In Soviet Russia, you suck on a meat snack. Want some of my meatsnack?
They’ve got the meat under wraps there.
Wrapping up your meat is a good idea.
Wrap it before you tap it.
Cover your stump before you hump.
Cos you don’t want no puss filled lump.
Ew.
Protection prevents infection.
Sleepin’ around? Make mumma proud.
Don’t be silly, wrap your willy.
protect your pole before you fire in the hole
Don’t forget to put a condiment on your weenie.
Before you redezvous with your Venus, put a protective suit on your penis.
Or you’ll get the clap in’it.
Clap on, clap off.
The Clapper!
Protect your meat or face defeat.
Only if you’re with a puppet
before you attack her, wrap your whacker
Put on a condom before sex….
simplicity WIN
Totally.
Stocked shop fail – the end of the next Aisle is empty.
That’s the vegetarian option.
It’s also the vagetarian option.
Meat curtain snacks.
With bearded clams on the side.
And a crab taco if you’re still hungry.
Funky chicken, anyone?
Joe’s Crab Shack. We’ve got crabs!
I got crabs at Joe’s Crab Shack. Now I need a doctor.
And that, sir, is why you don’t try to pick up the waitresses there.
I prefer pr0n tacos myself.
Individually wrapped for lunch on the go.
somewhat of a disturbing image there, having them individually wrapped for lunch on the go… is that what happened to John Bobbitt?
Naw, his is rotting in the woods somewhere.
Remember, it’s not red meat that’s bad for you – it’s fuzzy blue-green meat that’s bad for you!
There’s NOTHING wrong with fuzzy meat.
[insert "bobbed" joke here]
That’s a bob-tale nag if I ever heard one. I win my money.
Though it prefers to be called “Robert”.
I spent my money on the camptown lady; she was all like, “Dood! Ahh! Dood!! AHH!!” (And then she was all like, “There is NOTHING wrong with fuzz’ meat.”)
Squish mitten
LONDON BROIL.
London calling…
To the zombies of death?
Quit holdin’ out and draw another breath…
Getting the reference WIN.
I love you guys
One of my favourite albums.
Careful, Loz is meaner than Dark was.
She is frequently kind
And she’s suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She’s nobody’s fool
And she can’t be convicted
She’s earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she’s always a woman to me
That would have been better referenced to someone who has at least been to a Billy Joel concert.
*Curses my friend POB.*
*Takes one down from the shelf and throws it in the bin.*
The one that says, “This is not a bin”?
We’ll drink a toast to how it’s bin
A few more hours to be complete
A few more nights on satin sheets
A few more times that I can say
I’ve loved these days
She takes care of herself. She can wait if she wants. She’s ahead of her time. And she never gives out, and she never gives in. She just changes her mind.
Oh damn, and there I was thinking you’d written me a poem
Well, since limmericks were so popular on that other fail thread…
.
At my best I could never surpass
The wit of my sweet Irish lass
My twitterpation is caused
By a woman named Loz
A lady who’s simply first class!
That was… that was just beautiful
*wipes a tear*
*cuddles*
It pleases me, m’lady, that thou art pleased for mere words cannot do thee justice.
*cuddles*
*enjoys*
is your avatar meant to be a black square? That’s all I can see
You tryin’ to be ‘tallica?
Clear your cache, my dear, and you shall see my avatar in better light(n)ing.
(Yes, it was temporarily a black square.)
Oooh! PRETTY! And so personal
I approve, *seals and stamps*
(dude, you misspelled “twitterbaton”)
She is a cruel, cruel mistress…. but sometimes rather enjoyable
First!
Rubber taste…
Do you want me to take it out now then?
ouch
has someone chewed your meat snack?
You wacky yanks with your meat snacks! lol! Back to me tea and crumpets.
You lack m’lady’s wit and charm.
and stunningly good looks
Hey, stop mackin’ on my turf! I specifically left it unmowed to try prevent this kind of stuff!
You should try some Turf-Builder. Also, maybe a privacy fence.
*snicker*
*kitkat*
As usual, y’all a-MARS me with your quick wit and humor. I really don’t appreciat it at all, as I generally only read these at work, and it’s really hard to explain WTF I am laughing about with tears streaming down the sides of my face… But, I know I can always Mallow(mar) out on failblog!
Haha
you caught up on the turf reference. <3
*toasts to pob’s health*
I love a bit of crumpet.
Tea and crumpets? Does this fake loz think I’m English?
Ah well, imitation is the best form of flattery!
I strongly nominate this for “burn of the week”!
In a testament to the failing testiness of teh failblog, BOTW has been suspended until someone can come up with a truly witty retort/burn. I wonder when. . . .
… I’ll contribute to society.
*grabs the Admiral and gives him a long, honey-flavored smooch*
Quite frankly, this looks like a win to me.
i was thinking the same thing. if anyone(of the female persuasion) wants to snack on my meat, that’s more than acceptable.
Who would want to snack on du-de?
I’m bettin’ on de blind hoss sticken in a big mud hole. (Somebody bet on de bay.)
yarrr! delicious durex meat.
Piny dancer, in your hand.
Is that like a piny splinter?
I love how the colors of the signs match.
Boy… this is the FAIL Blog, not the AESTHETIC Blog
That’s how you know this was a mistake. They try to make their displays as hideous as possible.
More like win! Are they the flavoured kind?
Nope. Totally flavourless, for those who have no taste.
Yet another tasteless joke?
Oral sex win.
Sucking on meat snacks is marginally better than sucking on condoms. Although if they were “meat flavoured”.
mmmm…. your condom is fish-flavoured!
No… wait until I put it on…
Mmm…. Bacon condoms…
So it’s a suck-sess?
Suss-SEKS?
Suck-session suck-sess.
*sucks-seks*
Here, let me return the favor…
*licks Lozlipop*
….Or win?
or what?
Or it gets the hose again.
The Trojan hose?
D’oh!
I’m Achaean to give fuzz a hug for that one.
But the classy Admiral’s looking quite Homeric, too! So now you’re gonna have to decide to whom to give your hugs and golden καλλίστῃ-nics (we’ll always have the Judgment of Paris).
My mythology class went to Helen a handbasket.
The Admiral knows he’s always welcome to a dip in my honeypot.
I will not compete for the fruits of Dragon’s affections, particularly when so outclassed by the likes of you. She knows that I desire for her to find me the second best way to spend an evening.
You, my admirable Admiral, are second to none.
Oh NOES! Does this mean I cannot fulfill your desire??
No, it just means we’ll reach simultaneous fulfillment.
Oh my.
Is…is it just me, or did it just get extremely warm in here?
Or a trojan rabbit?
*rubs the lotion on Power’s skin*
Put it in the basket!! I’m not telling you again!
Snack? Perhaps it’s one of those ‘a to z’ size types.
Sorry, I have to go, I’m running latex.
That’s when the rubber meats the road.
Oh, you’re soooo sheik.
C’mon, he’s been ribbed enough.
He needs all the protection he can get.
I’m not a rear admiral.
That’s just not how his LifeStyles are rolled.
penis = meat snack? Surely this is WIN!
getting the joke WIN
Thats only a “meat snack fail” if youre a straight male. xD
But what if you want someone else to snack on your meat? :p
so if its 50% more free…and its not free at all…that makes it remain at the same price oO”
‘Cuz it’s free…free FAILIN’…
call me
403-971-3068
Sorry, I’m a one m’lady man.
Does anyone else notice that it says “10 for the price of 12″ on the display?
You got a baby’s brain and an old man’s heart.
Feels like I’m living in the middle of doubt.
Ah, thanks for not leavin’ me hangin’, Mikebeat1!
I gotta get out of this place!
I feel all coopered up!!
It says “18 for the price of 12″.
Either way, it makes it seem like it’s a sale and you have to buy that many boxes to get the discount. I can’t imagine needing to buy that many…
Really? I can. I totally can. Where is this store?
Loz and I go through that many in a few days!
Yes, it says 18 for the price of 12. That would be 50% more free (like it says). Perhaps you should have had your meat snack today…
I’m guessing you’re too young to recognize Alice Cooper.
School’s out for Samantha.
MY ROFLCOPTER STILL GOES SOI SOI SOI SOI
THEN WHAT DOES YOUR SOICOPTER GO?
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
HEY THANKS! I WAS JUST CURIOUS!
Woo-hoo! Beef flavoured condoms! Your mom approves!
Fail? or WIN?!?
How is that a fail? It’s obviously a win! Chew on that for a second.
omg this was at my Rite Aid! I changed out that sign two days ago…
It depends on who you are talking to, for this to be considered a fail. No one wants unpackaged meat, unless its fresh. This is the wrapper to make them think its new, you got it packed, they gotta unwrap it!
welll a certain kind of meat does go into condoms and you do eat them in a way……………………………….idk i think it’s a WIN
WIN: creative advertisement
WIN!! TOTAL WIN!
…meat snacks? WTF?!
I would say: good advertising.