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Cheezburger Network Blog
micropenis ftw.
my penis is very huge
too bad you’re obtuse
With an acute case of delusion.
Delusions of grandeur?
frosted butts
teee hee… all butts in Moscow are frosted.
this is one of those things that makes me embarrassed to be a human… what other animal brags about their dick size? for that matter, how can you fail that bad at it?
I agree… but then again, other animals don’t need to brag since humans are one of the smallest in comparison to body-size anyway… XD
Yeah
A barnacle’s penis is 20x as long as it’s body
YEAH.
And We call THEM “Wild Animals”
Well, good thing im not a barnacle, just a wild animal….
I’d say it’s more like a keyboard fail…
too right
http://www.cracked.com/video_16654_what-its-really-like-have-worlds-largest-penis.html that you in the video?
David – First among Micropeni.
You seem to have a keen eye for peni.
^^ Had to develop a keen eye to find his own.
Badum-tssch
*rimshot*
so, i did a little research into the plural of penis, and i found that the correct latin pluralization of penis is penes.
and btw, my micropenis is so huge it is within the range for normal adult human males in both width AND girth. i am indeed first among the micropenes.
The plural of penis is freakshow.
shit, now i have to try and figure out a way to google for that without getting a bunch of porn.
holy shit, some guy in germany lost his penis, then doctors built him a new one. then he decided he wanted an upgrade, and the doctors whipped one up. but they had to leave the old one there for a while until the new one was getting a steady blood supply.
so, now this guy has two penises, and he shows his wife at the hospital. upon seeing the freakshow that was her husband, she ran home, packed up her stuff and left him.
awesome.
Thanks david, and keep us updated!
.
Many marsupials have a forked or bifurcated penis. For that reason, some Freudians have conjectured that Aboriginal Australians would be susceptible to kangaroo penis envy.
They could use the 90 degree angle urinals, then!
ah, THAT’s what the fail urinals were for!
will do. it’s my last week at my current job.
i’m pretty much just phoning it in. but as long as i’m typing nobody suspects a thing.
*envies*
Also, snakes and some other reptiles do in fact have two hemipenes,
in place of one single organ. Ducks have curly ones.
Female marsupials have a split canal to match the bifurcation. See the
fun things you learn in biology?
Bet that German dude wishes he’d kept his gown on now.
I saw some ducks mating at the Tampa Bay Zoo when I was little. I yelled at everyone to look at the duck’s “telephone cord”.
What exactly do you do all day?
Wow, I actually laughed at that.
(I think you have Penis Envy)
I believe the plural for ‘penis’ is ‘Yaoi’
WIN!
ha! nooo the plural of penis is sausge fest xD
I wonder if this guy knows that the A & Z keys are millimeters from each other? Not much to brag about.
…is that you, Captain Obvious?
it IS!
Course, he could be using an alphabetical keyboard. I don’t think that you can buy those anymore, though.
It depends als on the keyboard… the USA ones indeed A-Z isn’t alot… but for example if you have a german computer the Z is not below the A..
But thats probably not the caase and he is just stupid..
due look at ur keyboard instead of gloating about a nano penis
ur over due to look over a due you overlooked
ROFLMFAO! definite manhood fail
crikey! will you take a look at that one!! a whole 2 centimeters!
I would settle for Q to P!
Braggart FAIL
QWERTY layout WIN.
*blushes*
Why thank you for saying so.
Perhaps he is using a Dvorak keyboard layout?
*does a Slavonic Dance*
*cuts a rug*
Ouch, be more careful with those scissors down there!
Here, let me kiss it and make it better.
*masterbates*
… if you have a penis going from a to z on your keyboard… you’d be needing a pincet for that.
I see you’re an expert.
The guy who played Balki?
or a new keyboard
*swoons*
get a room…..
before you can tell yourselves to
Before you can tell ourselves to what?
to masturbate! :masturbates:
Why masturbate when we can have sex? *fuc|<les*
Good bye to masturbation. Meet the f u c kers on failblog.
merrier by ronber
Epicly Funny. If epicly is a word.
epic perverted freakshow
*rugs a cut*
hmm.. in sovi3t russia, rug cuts you!
and in soviet russia ghost rides you (Halo 3 joke ftw)
He probably only has a Blackberry.
understanding the fail fail.
Understanding MY joke fail.
failing her fail failing you…. win.
Poor guy…
I type 85 wpm using colemak, but I don’t think this guy is smart enough to realize how bad qwerty is. If I was going to say something dumb like that, I’d probably say it was an octave long.
that’s still only about 6-7″
Mine goes from *Enter* to *Escape*.
… and when I’m feelin’ good and bossy, it goes from *Insert* to *Control*.
(Btw, where is my sweetend honey homey get busy on the kitchen counter sandwich maker?)
o.0
*refrains from masturbating due to being in class*
Well there’s an education that’s going down the drain.
Where else can she learn fuzz is packin’ 12 inches limp?
*makes Khaaaaaaan walk funny*
Meh. The powerpoint slides go by too fast for me to take notes, so I just have to download them on my own time later anyway. And it’s not like I can pick much up aurally because the prof has a thick Swedish accent that makes her sound like Dr. Strangelove. So honestly, f*** it. I’ll pretend I’m paying attention and hang out on failblog instead.
Well, that begs the question – have you ever had aural sex?
No, but I once knew a man from Nantucket…
Well, I’m off to a class that I actually pay attention in. See ya later.
Hello. Wanna play a little game?
o.O …I don’t accept candy from strangers…
Beware the friendly stranger.
stranger? *masturbates*
Walk away now and when you’re far enough away, start running…
Well I must admit I’m prone to spacing out a bit in classes too.
I love the Swedish accent, though!
*gives Loz a stern look*
What…? I’m a professor from Sweden! :p
Psst! I think she knows that! I think it was a compliment.
Haha, but I doubt you have the accent
My friend’s boyfriend moved here from Sweden, his accent is so cool!
Hey, Dragon, if you have any pretentious white girls in class, you might want to throw a few pop quizzes regarding material you’ve just taught.
^ ill starred in the true sense of the word
([dis] [asterred] in the [etymon] of the [logos])
That’s what cordless toys are for.
*goes Straight to hell*
does hand count?
Yea but only up to 5
mmm… that was nice:) *masturbates*
My cell phone is on vibrate
That’s got to be unhygienic.
No worries, there’s a pocket in the way…
So is this the female equivilent of pocket pool?
What has it got in its pocketsessssss…?
treats?
Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s precioussssssssssss.
^^ Princess of the Rings
*waves feebly to friends*
*crawls back into bed, coughing and hacking, hoping for the sweet release of death*
*…or a cuddle. Yeah, that might be better*
*Gives Dragonwriter Hot Lemon… and drugs*
Drugz are bad M’KAY?
Awww, muffin! *gives sanitary online cuddle, and tea of lemon and sage*
*turns up humidifier*
Add some Jack Daniels to that tea and I’ll be a happier dragon.
*hugs back*
*brings dragon some cake and earl grey spiked with
jack daniels*
Raiding mom & dad’s liquor cabinet, are we?
hot pockets!
Stubborn fat pockets from hot pockets are born.
Indeed, get the to a sexshop, PWG! They have plenty of toys there, and you can even try them out.
.
Actually, that’s not very hygienic either.
thee*
Less subtle to bring into a lecture auditorium… Especially since it’s anthropology and we’re discussing population growth… :/
Bęnð óver and I’ll show you population growth.
*wonders if we can make PWG lol, in class*
*snort*
For it to really work I think we’ll need Dragon, Loz, POB, and BFF. Then we can get a REAL snort.
*stands by with shellacked halibut, just in case we need it*
Hehe, pob, I like that.
I can only assume it means something else to you? I was just attempting to not have to type out the whole name.
It doesn’t mean anything else to me. I just think it’s cute.
OOHHhhhh. I think I’m having an off day.
Join the club.
*cough…hack…ack!*
*looks pitiful*
And I’ll do my best to provide the funnies today, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up.
*sends Dragon some cough drops*
Careful you don’t singe anyone with that cough!
It’s ok, the singe is on the branche.
*winks at dragon*
HEEEeeeee…ackhackcoughblaghgurgleack!
Okay. Laughing is problematic today.
by population growth you mean other men to see the girl or small view of other men i will now wtf myself now WTF i dont know what i mean eitherme and a gllon of soda dont mix oh yeah add the taco
“It rapes [the language] like betrayal”
___
~ The Distillers
neither are rental sex toys.
…gently used…. minimally stained.
If they are gently used they arent being used right.
My mind is on smut.
Blessed are the dirty-minded, for they shall have perpetual entertainment.
*is easily amused*
Ever taken a Melody & Counterpoint class? The sheer quantity of music-related innuendo is mind-blowing.
ßéñ∂ ø√é® and I’ll give you a little contrary motion with my cantus firmus …!
Can’t say that I have. But I’m quite good at amusing myself. And innuendo.
looks like u need a bamboo
Hmm yes I do get off on some DOMINANT relationship!
Let’s try something..
A melody line born in Rome
Had a rather unusual syndrome
He liked the vagina
On his relative miner
So he was always quick to get home
(I’m setting the bar low. Who’s clever and musical out there?)
I hope he didn’t catch a S(kip) T(o a) D(issonance)…
Viola jokes won’t nest below this level
We can only hope. No sloppy seconds allowed.
Watch it, or someone will pop a cap(pella) in yo ass.
PWG is moved by silenced ringtones.
can I help you with that later?
why is your penis so deformed?
On some keyboards those keys are next to each other (such as mine) so you FAIL!
I got an Azerty one !
So, that is more funnier lOOoOoOoOoOol
Same here, the distance between my A and Z is 5 mm…
WOW GOOD JOB…
Oh u have 1 of those 2?
Where do you guys get those keyboards where a and z are next to each other???
From a place called a shop.
Thats where you can talk to that guy about those things.
You know, those things that you want to talk to that guy about.
I went in to a shop, there were no guys there…
that wasnt a shop, it was Lilith Fair
. . . office depot or the us
maybe because thats what women want to do when they meet you
mac or pc?
So we get a MILF Fail and a Manhood Fail in the same day.
If I had to be naked in the presence of that MILF my manhood would fail too!
LOL Win!
*takes a bow*
GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WIN!
Yes, but would it reach all the way from A to Z after failing?
BEST EVER
Bwahahahaha!
I don’t know what you’re laughing at, foreskin billy.
I don’t think he does either.
I see a little silhouetto of a man!
Scaramoosh! Scaramoosh! it’s Billy’s little Weiner!
Coincidently enough I was listening to that song as I am reading that…
Pennis metric FAIL
To borrow dragonwriter’s joke, this guy’s penis NOT mighter!
*hug*
Penis spelling fail.
no pennis score = love fail
Love all!
Lol or maybe its a keyboard stutter fail…
Well, it probably means he’s a touch typist, and never actually looks down. It would disappoint him so.
…Evidently, he’s touching something …
Is it a muffin?
Two centimetre penis.
Perhaps it’s a chode.
I’d say it must be. At least he seems proud of it.
He’s probably in the “it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean” camp.
yea, but his boats a dingy
He’d have to be in storm to get that kind of motion.
the length is from a to z, the width is from a to l.
David – you actually are the anonymous poster this fail is about arn’t you?
no. no. shut up.
Ow.
By definition length > width but a-to-z < a-to-l. But thanks for trolling!
By definition, length > width? What dictionary do you read?
Getting the joke fail.
Wrong.
wha?
comment lacks depth?
First I’d like you to fill out this dimension form in triplicate…
I’m so glad you’re in both camps.
Im so glad you’re not in cramps.
I actually am.
You’re not alone there.
Oh, that’s comforting
*hugs*
poor Loz. *hugs cautiously*
Cramp-cake…always a good thing.
*hugs*
You can be crampy and I’ll be coughy, and now we just need five more dwarves to make a happy little home!
Well after I forgot to wear my cervix mitten with pob… there’s a chance that we may have quadruplets. Including him, that’s five more!
is that to keep your cervix warm?
No – he looks more like a “If having sex with me was the only way of propagating the human race you would wouldn’t you.” Type of person.
I’d quite happily let the human race die out. Really.
me too! we’re really not that great.
And once again I thank my lucky stars that I was born female.
it’s good to know you’re happy with your gender.
Dragonwriter has girl down there parts TOO!?
*facepalm*
Methinks the incredulity is just an act, now.
Mehopes, anyway…
hey dragon guess what!!
You’re a stalker?
Ive just never been among so many girls…. *stands around awkwardly*
Wow, nice AZ!
Wow, Tucson AZ!
My polyamorous friend’s goes from F1 to F12.
Did he get you in a mess of trouble again?
Brings a new meaning to ’sticky keys’.
Why are we comparing our dicks to our keyboards?
mines ergonomic!
There are ergonomic mines? How does that work?
i think they won’t hurt your feet, when you step on them…but….even
if they do…you won’t feel
…it’s bent?!
I’m sure his mind is.
Like the young man from Kent.
Do you know wich way he went?
No, but here’s a letter he sent.
It better include his share of the rent!
I think it does, but he’s taken the tent.
Nope, he didn’t include one red cent!
All of his money is spent??
I hope he will repent.
He can sleep in the basement.
That’s a good arrangement.
It’s the only place available in any event.
His pride, that will surely dent.
Well he’s not been quite right, after his accident.
It is quite a predicament.
(y’all have gone mental)
Around here that’s quite prevalent.
We are pros in that department.
I can’t take anymore, ladies! Please, relent.
But I am reluctant.
Ah, he’s just being recalcitrant.
I a gree one hundred percent.
Yet, still, you may consent.
Dragon, you are as ever, so eloquent.
hey snacky snack-o-licious!!!
guess what
Now, that, Dragon has talent!
And there I was, absent!
So just when you think that you’re alright, does he call out from the inside?
Breaking Benjamin reference WIN!
FB understanding self-deprecation fail
Appropos that we have a Manhood Fail and a Seed Fail in the same day.
Homo Sapiens Sapiens fail.
As often as humanly possible.
Confidence win
OMFG! He must be proud!
When is your next publication due?
You mean the yearly business report of the Omaha Mega Finance Group?
)
Well. It’s at the end of the business year,* as usual.
* I know that this is just as vague.
“My brother accidentally castrated himself.”
“Oops.” *expression of mild surprise*
brilliant!! haha – But I had to look at where the keys were before I really got it but it was still – brilliant.
OMG!! Best laugh I’ve had in days!
I think there are a few guys I need to forward that to..;)
Hey, is everybody here American? Iam from Czech rep. and I dont know about other europian countries, but here we have alternating Y and Z on all keyboards (so Z is in top middle and Y in left lower corner). From this point of view its good 10 centimeters!
at the first moment i thought, he meant his weener passes every key on the keyboard from a to z…but…how to fold that thing in such a way O.O
No we’re not all American. And most European countries have their own keyboard style, at least I’ve seen different ones in France, Spain and Italy.
Even the British keyboard is slightly different from the American one.
Almost every non-english keyboard layout has y and z switched – at least I don’t any which has not.
Still, 10 cm isn’t exactly anything to brag about…
When did that ever stop a guy?
Yes. I’m glad that I’m from Germany – my Z is there where americans have their Y, and my Y is where the american Z is. Just like you. I think a lot Countries in Europe have these little difference from american keyboards.
imagine the feeling of dismay he had when he realized what he said
self-pwn anyone?
I would log out and never return… or desperately try to mark myself as spam… There’s really no recovery from that.
Something tells me he was making a self-deprecating joke.
Not to ruin the fail or anything!
“Why be with a hero, when you could be with a zero!?”
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
It’s even funnier on a azerty keyboard.
still, old joke.
thats some funny stuff right there
i think you meant “thass”
It’s not that small really, but it is bellow average. A-Z distance is precisely 10cm. And don’t give me that QWERY crap, not everybody lives in US.
So even in DVORAK it’s a fail–why brag if it’s below average??
I have never met a guy who didn’t, at some point, brag about his penis. Even the ones hung like a tube of lipstick.
I did not know Avis has girl down there parts.
Yes, I am a girl. I have ALWAYS been a girl.
Why do you assume she is, based on that comment?
I’m thinking the word “lipstick” might have something to do with it…
Maybe he clicked on my name. That would clear any doubts.
Yes, I clicked the name. No sexy pics on your blog though
She doesn’t need sexy pics. She’s too sexy for this blog as it is.
I haven’t yet figured out how to upload pics. Not that I have any that are particularly sexy. It should be noted, I am not all that computer savvy.
Well, you got your little birdie avatar to work, so I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
I’m a little more interested in why he(?) thought I was a guy. What did I say previously to make anyone think that?
All the dudes here seem to assume that everyone else is a dude.
Sexist bastards!
Apparently girls on the internet are rare, and must be studied.
*pushes up glasses, adjusts pocket protector, puffs on inhaler and goes to talk to the girls* Um…. hi *voice cracks, awkwardly walks away, leaving Loz, Avis and Dragonwriter to laugh and comb their long flowing hair*
Pffft. I’d never treat a nerd that way. I’ve been looking for the nerd of my dreams my whole adult life.
Oh…I DO comb my long, flowing hair though. Just not in a contemptuous way! :p
I don’t treat people that way either.
But I have short hair. It’s hard to comb short hair in a contemptuous manner..
So…. then will you go to prom with me?
Sweetie…up until a few days ago, BONDFAN though I was a guy.
They just don’t pay attention.
I must admit, that was hilarious.
Why DVORAK? Never heard of QWERTZ keyboard? I agree it’s still a fail but not worth to be on this site.
I just wanted to point this out to the guys who talked about 1inch.
sorry, “below” – finger twitched
haha, i knew someone would bring QWERTZ into this.
10 cm? What tiny ass keyboard are you using?
On a normal DVORAK, it would be about 10 inches between A and Z.
On a QWERTZ keyboard, it would be about 10 cm.
But anyway, I don’t want to borrow anyone’s keyboard if they’ve been using it as a ruler.
Excuse me if im using the wrong terms here
but i thinks its a poetic justice win!!
German keyboards have QWERTZ layouts (Y and Z swichted compared to US). Still that would be less than 10cm (=4inches)
haha! Germans have small penises!
Still 4 times bigger than americans I suppose.
You must have seen many of them…
at least I can see mine without microscope.
anyway, I just made a conclusion from U.S. keyboard layout
Orion <3 American wiener.
Teehee, they are teeny wieny.
hey now! americans are not one inch! im 7 and im 15!
lolz.
From A to Z? Damn it’s huge pen0r!
fail
I sure hope that guy’s using a Dvorak keyboard:
http://www.pcguide.com/ref/kb/layout/z_011195dvorak.jpg
Must have been Chris Cooley…
sarcasm?
That would be my take on it. Spotting deliberate self-deprecation FAIL.
BASH.ORG RIPOFF WIN
why didnt you say it first?
I believe it!
I dont know where that guy is from, but here in brazil we use the QWERTY keyboard! so one more chance that it`s a very, VERY small penis… I believe in most of Latin America keyboards are QWERTY….
ROFL
Reminds me of another good joke’s-on-self phrase – “I’m hung like a bear.” (Bears have incredibly small penises as compared to their overall body size.) It’s always said with full knowledge of the self-deprecation aspect, as I’m sure the A-Z comment was also made.
And field mice have incredibly large penises compared to overall body size.
Hung like a narwhal? O.o
its prehensile like a dolphin’s
My penix is bigger than all of ur keyboards!
Dude, we are NOT using blackberrys.
i’m sorry to say, penix made me lol.
( and it’s always said with full knowledge by the math inclined that e only measures 2.71828182845904523536… )
natural log nest fail?
e = she
just in case you’re making jokes about my penis size.
(Damn, I don’t even have a penis, and I’m defensive about how big it is!)
However… my then 2-year-old son burst into the bathroom one day just as I’d thrown the shower curtain back and was reaching for a towel. We proceeded to have a rather long discussion, consisting of insistence on his part and hysterical laughter on mine, about the accuracy of his claim that, “Mommy… I saw your penis.”
This is so old it isn’t funny anymore.
^ can’t get his funny off the five key anymore
His penis only stretches from one edge of the 5 key to the other.
But maybe he’s talking a piano keyboard. In which case his penis is nonexistent.
His penis is a contradiction.. how does one come to terms with that?
dvorak?
oh, but for example in Czech republic or Germany we use qwertz. and from A to Z is it 7-8 cm (we use metric system to ; )
Why do people keep pointing this out?? It doesn’t change the fact that it makes for a rather un-brag-worthy penis.
Apparently, this is true for his brain too.
ahahaa … rofl.
XDDDD
LMAO
Hilarious!!! hahaha
He wishes
No, we all wish he was serious. Maybe he should have said Caps Lock to Enter?
tiny wang
|the kid|
It’s okay, you’ll find someone who loves you regardless.
Tiny Wang was the nickname for his obese Asian room mate in college.
keyboard layout comprehension fail LMAO
he haz e DVORAK kejbord, duh
The Germans has got a QWERTZ-Keyboard…
lol
i come from germany and they changed the y with the z so the z is between the t and the u (all clear?) ^^
so first i thought “ok”
but then it came to my min, that in us keyboard the z is right next to the a ^^
Read previous comments. This has been mentioned many, many times.
Did you know that in some countries, the Z is where the Y is on US keyboards? Wow! Learn something new every day.
And today I’ve learned it approximately 47 times.
And I learned that some women are defensive about their penis.
Ha! I wondered if you’d see that.
lol woot new pic
are you the guy with two penises? that would be totally awesome.
Yeah, you could jerk off with each hand simultaneously!
self ownage WIN
I DESTROY THE WORLD!
Narf!
Boit!
not so far, big boy!
this is oviously the “man”’s first time using a keyboard and he has not had the location of the keys engraved into his mind yet.
but a keyboard only goes up to G… sooo it must be a 7 incher! ahhh illusions of grandeur indeed!
german keyboard: QWERTZ =)
google it!
Urr… perhaps when you turn 18, Mr. five-year-old boy, you’ll be a man. Until then… not so much.
hot. sorta.
( i swear, i will f**k that if i could)
really don’t care any more. im gonna go have a beer.
That dude really has some problems. -cough cough-
hahaha dumbass XD
Tiny….. His parents must be really ashamed.
Is he Belgian? In Belgium they have an AZERTY keyboard! xD
A-Z hahahahahaha
FAIL
oh yeah i want that in me………not bahahahahahahahahahahaha FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perhaps he means touching every letter along the way… contortionist win…
i really hope he does have a non-qwerty keyboard… it’s just too sad.
hehe
he might use a non-english keyboard with z and y exchanged. doesnt make the penis huge but still… just athought. probably he’s really just stupid though
He SHOULD have said “It would go from A to Enter.”
Mine only goes from P to Q, its shorter.
u gots to no he didn’t mean dat
but it is damn hilarious
Nice one noooob
10 points for stupid
Aw how sad ;[
Oh, yeah? Well, mine is so big it stretches from the E string on a violin to the A string!
how do I know that we all looked at our keyboards when we read this!
There are some alphabetical keyboards, for us Americans, it pretty much goes from Q to M.
Poor bastard.
Music notes go from A to G… Well since Z is imaginary on the keyboard, im guessing u might mean your is imaginary?
WHOOPS sorry u can c why i said what i said now… Haha, yeah… Keyboard on the computer… haha… (FAIL)
Well, in Germany, the Y and the Z are switched. So I would think that that is what he is refering to in his post.
99% of people will look at their key board after reading this
Perhaps it was Dvorak. That would make more sense.
ok dude apparently your penis is SOOOOOOOOO…. tiny
Noob WIN!
SELF OWNED LALW
chode.
im SO glad im a girl.
Known fact: 95% of males reading this will try it themselves (with and without erection) and see how far their’s goes.
Mine goes from A-F without and A-J with
I think he needs to take some sort of dick enlargement thing…
Lol there rite next 2each other!
My dick is so big, youre standing on it!
THAT IS QUITE EASILY THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!!
wat an idiot
It’s a French keyboard… Fail on you!
You know? On german keybords are the Z and Y exchanged… so his thingy is stil only 5 Centimeter or 2 inches =)
ROTFLMAO
Was i the only one that looked down at my keyboard when i read that?
lmao true fail
*nests!*