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Cheezburger Network Blog
Also only one way: to the top, if you want to rock and roll.
*rocks and rolls with Eduardo*
*rolls with Loz*
I don’t like rocking…
I’d say it’s a “2 ways to fail” fail =O
“What’s the frequency, Kenneth?” would also be appropriate, but I amplify your signal.
I prefer to go by my first name, though.
Wow, what luck!
Sir Edward Kenneth Smith
such a seksy name.
I wasn’t there, but I do have the DVD.
Brave Kenneth, back from the great war to spread his wild oats.
Close…I share a last name with a well known American TV family.
Cowabunga dude?
Don’t have a cow(abunga), man!
Simpson!
Yes, m’lady?
*smooches*
I’m bringing SEKSy back!
FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You might have been if you hadn’t dragged the word out.
Bahahahahahaha
No, not so much.
First Fail!
fail
No, sir. I disagree. This site alone shows there are many ways to fail.
Some more amusing than others.
Third.
/me expects to be flamed
C&C Music Factory/Death
women/death?
EVERYBODY dies now.
Eventually, anyway.
♫
I believe I can die
I believe I can expi-
re any night or day
Give up the ghost and pass away
♫
Damn you, mr. worm!
The worms haven’t gotten me yet! I’m staying alive.
*discos*
Disco Stu is-
Ah, forget it.
*sweats*
*discus*
*discuss*
*debate*
*debase*
Debacle.
*degrade*
*deface*
*deny*
*debrief*
*detox*
*delight*
*depress*
*deviate*
*detour*
*desist!*
*demoralise*
*departs world due to R. Kelly stuck in head, now*
*defenestrates*
*depends*
*deters*
*deal or no deal*
*demands*
*denudes*
*deplores this whole thread*
*deters Loz from detracting from the Admiral’s denudity*
de nudity is making me feel ill.
Then depart! :p
Loz is in denial.
desperately…
I would join in, but all I can think of is “deforestation” as a unique addition to this thread.
I’m just happy you didn’t post you prefer nutri-grain bars
>.>
deforestation ;mdash; what Trekkers collectively felt on June 11, 1999.
*eats pretzels*
*deplores fact deforest’s dilettante decapitation wish-inducing brother in denominational designation, “R.,” has declined as yet to depart for that deathly final frontier …*
I see what you did, there.
I’m immortal until proven otherwise.
Allah akbar!
May ALLAH strike down your sinning soul with his bombs.
No virgins for you!
*Mumbles*
Their probably men anyway.
Xmas list for friends:
Case of red pens
Ooh, am I a friend? My red pens are running out
You’re family.
*Hands red pens to Loz*
Mmm, these are nice, very smooth.
I don’t want to sound cocky, but this thread is making it real hard on me not make a stiff joke.
Let me massage that for you. Sometimes it’s good for things to be hard on you.
After all, the penis mightier than the sword.
…When it isn’t stuck.
Speaking of stuck…
*tries too remove foot from mouth*
Speaking of stuck…
*tries to remove penis out of thepowerofblue’s mouth*
*tries to explain to jurgen that he is neither funny nor clever*
*doesn’t think there’s enough time or breath to explain that so he understands it*
*thinks that Avis is completely right*
*why are we talking in asterisks?*
*has to be going or she’ll miss the party bus that takes her to roller derby*
*suspects that jurgen confuses masturbation and foot massages*
*hopes Avis has a good time at the roller derby!*
*It’s as big as a foot (A)*
You must have extraordinarily tiny feet then.
*sees Jurgen has not learned a thing*
*Feels sad because no one is finding his jokes funny*
=[
Seconded, fuzz; he certainly isn’t a learned thing.
Jurgen refers to his penis as sad?
* jurgen is outta here*
jur-gen through a tough time, we understand.
Was it something we said?
More like thought.
And even more like “hoped”.
*jurgen comes back because jurgen sences someone likes me*
And what sense would this be?
Non-sense.
I find with my red pen you have to give it a few good shakes, and then the ink all comes out at once.
thepowerofblue, why don’t you come round to Pinewood studios for a James Bond audition? Your wit is amazing, and Loz has sucumbed to your charms.
I have indeed suck-cum-ed. Guilty as charged.
ncd;fsim
You misspelled it, greatest dumbass!
no he didn’t.. did he?
Should be “Allāhu akbar!” From Wikipedia:
.
Allāhu Akbar, الله أكبر. Usually translated “God is great” or “God is (the) greatest,” it is a ubiquitous Arabic expression, used as both an informal expression of faith and as a formal declaration.
.
The form Allāhu is the nominative of Allah “[the one] God.” The form akbar is the elative of the adjective kabīr “great “. In Semitic languages, an elative may indicate a superlative (best), or a comparative (better).
.
[Also:]
.
Hu is a name for God in Sufism. Literally: He. God.
.
In Sufism Hu is the pronoun used with Allah or God, and is used as a name of God. Allah Hu means “God, Just He!” In Arabic Allah means God and with Hu, as an intensive added to Allah, means “God himself.” Hu is also found in the Islamic credo La Ilaha El Allah Hu: “There is no God but Allah,” or in Sufi interpretation “There is no reality, except God.”
SORRY I DON`T SPEAK SPANISH, THANK YOU!
Language recognition FAIL.
Turning off the Caps Lock FAIL.
THANKING PEOPLE FOR APOLOGY FAIL
Looks like the road has some skidmarks.
maybe looks more like a cow shit on it?
Who let the scat out?
I don’t guano know where this is going.
I dung guess that it’ll be anywhere good.
This is a crappy thread.
Are you being feces-ious?
poo-r attempt…
It’s a hole I’d rather not crawl into
Me either — would have to be on crack to do something like that.
neither*
Me nether! These jokes are kind of shit-and-miss.
Your lack of the letter “i” in neither will send you to the netherworld.
This is just my fecal attempt at continuing the string of puns.
It’s hard to stop the runs of puns.
We should try stool harder.
Butt, are things getting too cheeky?
I’m bowel-ed over with these comments.
Again with the poo puns??
*continues to listen to Vivaldi’s third movement*
Concerto Number Two?
This whole thread went down the crapper.
Thomas?
Looks like we’ve come to crunch time.
Hey, I’m just playing poker!
Oo! Flush!
Well I have a Jack in the Hole.
i lolled
I OMGed
Don’t take the lord’s name in vain.
Jesus Harold Christ! You didn’t capitalize the “L”, Goshdarnit!
*Juses. Way to spell it right just when I don’t want to…
Real christians know that the lord doesn’t care about
capital letters. Following his orders and spreading the word is more important.
I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
*shrug* No one does.
Someone was looking for some shuggery.
Wanna shug?
Sure shug’.
Shug now or shug later?
I’z lookin’ fo’ mo’ lasses.
Why so slo’?
You’ll have to wait ’til January.
Sweet.
*Leaves a honeypot for Dragon*
*Hopes she had a good time last night*
Oh, she did. Wanna see the tape?
*puts on popcorn*
Oooh, couch time!
*hops on couch next to Loz*
*Joins on couch*
Who has the remote?
*puts tape in* *presses play*
*surreptitiously reaches for a seksy hand in the dark…*
That isn’t my hand. Not that I’m complaining, mind you.
LOL. *blush*
*sets up the projector*
Here we go!
I don’t even remember trying that…my memory is just of blur of curves and pleasure.
CHEATER!
we’re over.
*ahem*
That is not me in that video, that is my stunt double.
I had a good time, but not THAT good a time!
I’m thinking this guy is good friend material, but maybe not so much of the boyfriend material. Ah, well.
Oh, and I forgot…
*gives the admiral a smooch as thanks for the honeypot*
What?
Oh, crap…this is what I get for not paying attention. I thought we were going to watch the tape of Dragon’s date on the VCR, but then Avis came in with the projector and I kind of spaced out at that point. I thought I’d closed the curtains yesterday, but others were talking like they got footage anyway, so when Avis mentioned the projector, I assumed that’s what she had on the reel. Without waiting for the picture to come up, I started to imagine what it would be like to see myself doing the sorts of things I’ve never done on film before. Then Loz spoke, and I foolishly tried to respond without snapping out of my reverie.
.
I rose to the highest by my clever usage of words, and now find myself brought low through my careless usage of words.
Damn you failblog, post my mea culpa! (Comment 108680)
I thought the projector was brought in to show a different film than the tap of Dragon’s date. I am but a man, sometimes befuddled by a lady’s equipment! And now that I’ve lost Loz, it looks like the only equipment I’ll be dealing with is the kind I’ve known how to operate since I was a teenager.
Psst…blue…just give her some fodder for her red pens and she’ll be yours again!
im to deprest too spel write!
Try a love spell rite.
(lol … on second thought, i think you just did!)
Tsk tsk, Dragon, you should know if he gave me such fodder I would disown him permanently!
*opens MS Word to run every comment through spellchecker*
*opens 3 dictionaries and a thesaurus just to be safe*
Oh… this talk of dictionaries is making me a bit steamy…
*runs to the bookstore*
How much for your entire stock of dictionaries?
BTW, is it just me, or does “One Way to Fail” sound like the title of a soap opera?
One Way to Fail, starring Loz and thepowerofblue as they begin a steamy grammar romance. Guest starring Admiral Apparent, South of the Border, Fuzz, and Dragonwriter.
Oh, please, Loz. You are never happier than when you can correct someone’s grammar or spelling! :p
I work for scale.
Oooh…lucky me!
*polishes dragon-hide*
To quote a delighted and delightful author,
*snerk*
Aww.
*gives fuzz a big, warm, cuddle-hug*
Yes, it makes me happy, but I could not be with blue if he could not speak proper English. Although, perhaps exceptions can be made…
I have to go and I suspect the comments for this fail will be locked by the time I get back (I’m going to a footy match), so I just want to say that it makes me happy that Loz is at least talking about under which conditions she could be with me.
Oooh, footy. Lucky man.
*dons footy pajamas*
I expected *masterbate* =[
DIY
No, I wont DIY your ‘furniture!’
*does it himself*
Irony doesn’t seem to carry over so well when we’re talking religion, eh? I personally agree there, just so you know.
.
Meh. Time to slink back into the darkness.
Agree that christians shouldn’t have to capitalise?
I think that Christians only need capitalize the name of Juses. I think it’s easier that way.
Walk in the light.
I’m always willing to provide some illumination!
Apologies in advance if I miss and accidentally set you on fire, though. I’m not sure Rogue has ever forgiven me for that…
Eh, accidents happen.
Why not, his son keeps trolling.
Loz, do you ever sleep
Do you ever consider that there are different time-zones in the world?
Do you ever consider that 90% on this board are mentally retarted?
I make up the 10%
You are so elitist. *masturbates*
I’d say 90% are American, too… interesting, huh?
Is Jurgen American? Cause he can’t even spell “retarded”.
Bwahahaha….didn’t catch that one…tart then tarted again?
90% of Jurgen’s head is up his ass.
(It’s why his butt has such a low IQ and everything he says is stupid shit.)
Pahahahahaha
Why is his head up his ass? Because he heard about the anal registration and thought he would need to have his photo taken.
Did you realize that 99.99999999999% of the people who think they aren’t retarded actually are?
On what side does Stephen Hawkins take part in?
It’s Stephen HawkinG.
Wow, a constructive comment by vienna. *has heart attack*
*grabs AED* clear!
See, now it’s a good thing there are plenty of Americans around. We’ve got plenty of experience dealing with heart attacks.
*uses difibulator to revive Loz*
And just to be safe…
*administers CPR*
*stabilises*
Ooh, I had the nicest dream… SEKSy was kissing me.
But he also misspelled ‘defibrillator’… odd.
Thanks, good sir knight
I didn’t mean to… but, since you’re ok, this calls for a celebration!
*masturbates*
*facepalm*
Miss Loz! You must be protected from such perverts!
*Shields Loz from the sperm of the devil*
yeah, I knew you’re gay.
Haha. Gee, thanks BFF.
*Lops off mr s.a.u.s.a.g.e’s head with samurai sword*
That’ll teach you to insult me.
BFF? Does it stand for beingfuckedfan? BTW: it’s you who said about the sperm. Sigmund Freud AGAIN…
BFF – does that stand for BeingFućkedFan? It was you who said about the sperm, and once again Sigmund Freud comes to mind…
I will decline to feed the troll.
…
You know BondFan is male, and Loz is female right? How does that make BondFan gay?
I certainly know that Loz is female.
He was so eager to cover her from sperm, but I never said a
word about it…and it is not the first time he says something like this – he is clearly confused. Let go bondfan, don’t fight it, wave the rainbowy flag.
And I can vouch for blue’s manliness
A word about it?!
You were masturbating, for crying out loud!
that doesn’ mean anyone was to get the load – on the other hand if you want some cum, I’ve got plenty;)
I’m surprised you have any left.
You’d think he’d be shooting blanks by now.
.
Er, not that I’d know anything about shooting blanks…
One masterbatio session a day
Keeps blanks at bay!
(y)
“Masterbatio session”? Is that like self-help with fellatio? We all know what happens when you try that.
Like 30 men out of 400 can fellatio themselves…unfortunatly Im not one of the 400 =[
Unfortunatly you haven’t learned to spel yet.
Try first pulling your head out your ass.
(That comment of mine was meant for Jurgen, obviously — everyone knows dilly’s pretty behind is a smartass.)
Jurgen seems to have confused his figures. Amongst other things.
*jurgen pulls head of out ass and promises only to make good comments from now on to keep everyone happy! (U) *
Wash your hair first:/
Did you call me?
MAKEUP!
I wonder if he does their hair and nails, as well.
Nope. Just the hair. He’s a rip-off. >:(
Actually, THAT involves wax, and is a different type of service altogether.
Brazilian, anyone?
I’ve no problem at all with the greatest percentage of retarted folk — wouldn’t mind if this braggtart, though, curled up and dyed.
His braggtartness is the mane reason I ignore his crap.
It is a logical follicle-y to assume that any of this will get through to the cottage-cheese that masquerades as his brain, though.
He does hair today, so let’s hope he does gone tomorrow.
That would be the highlights of my day.
It would give me a real buzz.
It would make me feel …
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!
I hope you don’t have an incident, dear…
Hair beautiful hair!
When you say you make up the 10%, are you speaking in terms of mass? If so, that would make you very large.
When he says he makes up the 10%, he’s speaking in terms of fiction. He’s yankin’ your chain, man. Spinning a yarn. Telling a tall tale.
Ah, fish stories…
Not if I can help it!
Oh, you
Gosh, guys, get a private chat room.
Don’t act like you don’t love it.
You’re right. I’m just jealous.
You’ll find a mason for your dixon some day.
A Maude for your Harold
Harold?
*Arrow gets stuck in eye*
LOL! If I am going to get an earworm, Cat Stevens is not a bad infection.
If you want to sing out, sing out!
♫
Trouble
Oh trouble set me free
I have seen your face
And its too much too much for me
♫
Don’t be shy, just let your feelings roll on by
Don’t wear fear, or nobody will know you’re there ♫
Oooh, good advice.
*strips off fear*
Um, that wasn’t fear you stripped off.
Woops.
Hers is the sunlight, hers is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play … nekkid!
Dammit…I broke the morning. Sowwy.
*guilty look*
Are you sitting on stuff again?
No…it must have been the morning sunlight reflecting off my glaringly pale heinie.
They don’t call her Eve of Destruction for nothing.
(Just kidding! That was praise for your morning birthday suit!)
Could be worse, could be Dawn of Correction, oh wait.
I wondered about the glow on the horizon…
:p !!
Boy, you ain’t just whistlin’ dixie with that line!
The arrows in this picture point to the failure of the Large Hadron Collider.
*Sucked into black hole*
Remember me weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllll….
Farewell! *divides by 0*
You can’t do that until you’re IN the Black Hole.
[Otherwise calculator explodes]
Current events.
Contracting our horizons.
Hey, Admiral…is General Relativity a relation of yours?
General Revelation?
Sorry, that’s a little theology joke.
Oh Juses Csriht.
Juses, King of the Jaws?
I’ve got no joke here — I just love the line dilettante is going to exit this thread with ….
…(“All these worlds are yours to explore.”)…exit
In before comment closure.
What’s the problem? You can only go one way… or the other.
TO THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH!!!
Last
9 more comments & this place closes it’s books.
Good night and good luck.
And a good Murrow, to you, too, Ed.
post be4 comments are capped.
LAST!
At last … down came the rain and washed the phider out.
It’s the end of the fail as we know it and I feel fine.
Darn, not last. Maybe this time
You are not en vogue. (Not this time)
So does this mean to go in circles, or defy the laws of physics and get a ticket?
♪ I’ve got a story, ain’t got no moral –
Let the bad guy defy-the-laws-of-physics every once in a while ♪
___
~ Billy Preston, sort of, “Will It Go Round In Circles”
LOL
wtf lol
Wow! U guyz r silly! Its only 1 way to the SHOP if you wanna SAUSAGE ROLL!!! I mean, like, c’mon guyz! We all know that!!