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Cheezburger Network Blog
first
love the fact how the women see him in trouble first, and dont do anything. Haha
hate the fact that you’re a douche. Haha.
I hate that fact too. Haha.
is it just me, or at 0:12 does the man shout “HELP!” lmao.
haha.
lame
*shoots bob*
(looks like Admiral made that lame, assbackwards, upside down bob, pop)
When shooting into a barrel, it’s easier to hit what comes to the top.
Yep…the floaters are the easiest.
(Pssst…fuzz…you forgot an “o”!)
They laughed. I wouldn’t call that doing nothing.
where is the guy who always posts “masturbates”. i thought he would be all over this one?
uh, he’s busy, don’t disturb him.
ught-o you don’t think he’s….
I think he’s trying to find that gym so he can give his right hand a rest.
Karma Sutra Win
If this is intentional, it’s brilliant.
I’m scared it wasn’t.
Yeah, looks more Boy George than Vatsyayana.
LOL. What a win.
*masturbates*
Just noticed he even spelled “Wampa” wrong. I shouldn’t be so hopeful.
Lol I was going to point that out. “Wampa” being a Star Wars reference, no?
I’m guessing?
I hate “first” so much, it gives me energy!
I’ve never actually seen a new fail without a comment before!
fail
No, she’s full of win for not posting a one-word comment, like SOME.
Totally.
Word.
PWNED
CHESSED
ROOKED
BISHOPED
(or is it BISHOPPED?)
Does that mean it was shopped twice?
Wow, what an unfunny observation!
This comment refers to itself.
yeah, upchuckles is another of those consistently disappointing self-f*ckers
No, it means it was shopped both ways.
KNIGHTED! Sir Bondfan.
QUEENED!
Auto-queening: To sit on one’s own face.
Isn’t that what the guy in the video did?
No… he did self-felatio.
I’m calling the poice on you for that.
It’s not illegal!
You meant, “it’s not ilegal”, right?
Well if we’re being pedantic, its correct spelling is “iega”. Look it up in the dictionary!
must be the same dictionary the poice use
Well, that WAS the point of the joke…
You have a pwnt.
___
~ The Etiquette Poice, When It’s Poite To Pwnt
yahtzeed!!
Yangtze’d?
BondFan4518: BISHOPED (or is it BISHOPPED?)
.
Is that when you can’t decide if the fail is photoshopped or not?
KING ME!
*crowns Bananaphone*
That’s apt to make his head swell.
KINGED
First ^_^
…to fail by saying first
In order to fail first, first you must fail.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet.
Wet gets Chuck Norris.
…..and then be first……
FIRST
fail.
First Fail
Crap. “First Fail” fail.
Let me see, you replied to a comment to say that you are the first to comment?
.
Unclear on the Concept Award nomination
No, he was….nevermind, he’s still a retard.
I get it, and I get to stand in the retard line myself for a while.
*stands in line* Hey, what are we waiting for?
duh, that’s why we’re retards.
*joins line*
*pushes to the front of the line*
Oooh! What’s this line for? Fire-retardant suits??
Geez. Everyone’s so afraid of a little *FOOM!*
…And why are you all now motioning me to the head of the line??
Because that means you’ll be the first to have to deal with whatever we are lining up for. If it goes bad for you, we’ll stop lining up.
No we won’t!
Damn I keep telling you that’s why we’re retards.
I can’t even remember what my line is.
*drool*
DROOL???
*masturbates*
He’s a bit fuzzy on the concept.
The guy in the video appears a bit fuzzy on the physical.
Perhaps he should have a shave, then. Especially before going to a gym.
Do YOU shave before going to the gym?
I’ve seen women at the gym that should have shaved.
I hope they wiped down the machines.
I hope they SPRAYED down the machines. With sanitizer of some sort.
Cleansing by fire, perhaps.
Dragon. Paging Ms. Dragon!
Sterilisation by fire. . .reminds me of a happening back in the 20th century.
firecrotch.
Why do I get stuck with all the dirty work??
:p
I think that’s because you have the flamethrower. *examines charred self*
You slay me
I thought we left the flamethrower at the Grammarian Corner studio?
Dragons have built-in flamethrowers. Very handy.
I mean the one RogueThree was weilding, I KNOW u have your own
Well considering the definition of a black stump is a man being circumcised with a blow torch, flame throwers are a kind of phobia for me.
Ving Rhames?
I don’t go to the gym.
Why pay to exercise when you can do it for free?
Some of us need to pay for that kind of exercise too, Loz.
Why pay for that when you can masturbate?
when you masturbate you are having sex with someone you love, but in the end…. you’re just screwing yourself.
At least you don’t have to buy flowers and apologise in the morning.
If you have to apologize, you’re doing it wrong.
Yeah, apologize?? What the hell are you into?
The ex’s curtains will never be the same again.
I hope this isn’t saying what I think it’s saying.
oops.
The firecrotch comment should have gone here…..
I bit fuzzy on the concept once. She liked it.
That wasn’t who you thought it was.
Well, it ain’t me. It ain’t me. I ain’t no fortunate son.
*snickers*
(was just listening to CCR)
What’s this song?
LOL ouch
This is why I don’t work out. It might kill you.
What the!? How do you flex like that!? OW! O_o
I used to be able to do that when I was young, nubile, teenager. It’s how I met my husband.
Is it weird that I can do that?
Nope, I can, too. They don’t call that machine the Reformer for nothin’
X_x;
Wow, you guys are intense.
We’re just not obese
True dat.
Hey, my mom’s obese and can do that. And I’m serious, it’s not a “my mom” joke.
Alright, alright. Please calm down and have a glass of water.
your mom….
Hey, my mom’s the world’s heaviest unshaven bearded lady and my dad is the tallest wild man from Borneo and they can both do that. And everybody who sees ‘em is all like
.
X_x;
“Wow, you guys are in circus tents.”
*Ba-dum tish!*
I thought camping was in tents?
Im pitching a tent
tents wont nest below this level!
*offers Sara aide-de-camp to keep her wigwam*
Sara wears a wig, and you want to keep it warm?
Didn’t you know? All asse’s are born wearing a wig.
Didn’t you know? All asses are born wearing a wig.
Ahem.
*Ahem* yourself.
This thread is augmenting my hyper-tent-sion.
thats tent-a-tive
No, anyone can meet her husband really. It’s all about location, location, location.
Har, har…
You used to be able to put your face in your own crotch?!?
and she didnt leave the house for weeks.
Hey mom! i can kiss ma ass now ! XD
Oh I’m sure he can do more than kiss his own ass now…
Oh! The pain! It kills!
The ultimate in masturbation.
But I’d say you’re doin’ it wrong then…
Maybe should try high hurdles.
Pole vault?
Your comments just keep getting better! At this rate you’ll produce a good one in about 10 years!
Oh snap!
Don’t forget crackle and pop!
Whatever happened to Squeak?
he was the Zeppo of the trio.
Omg tht hast to hurt…
Du hast ein problem?
And this, children, is why you don’t get on the Pilates machines if you’re not a professional ballerina or a masochist.
WOW WTF!!
That had to hurt like crazy
Forced Flexibility. Nice.
first attempt at autofelatio fail.
dont worry, you’ll get there
No kidding, if he can get his head up his ass this should be a piece of cake.
mmmm… ass cake.
don’t believe it
Is it a lie?
that’s the assumption.
Nice, from one thread to the other!
Hey, look on the bright side. Maybe you weren’t flexible before…but you are now!
Never, ever get on a machine that has the ability to fold you in half! I smell a lawsuit!
You should see the other Pilates machine called “the Cadillac”. It looks like a four-poster bed with S&M gear all over it.
ooh, pssst… where do I get one of those?
you can borow mine…..slightly used ribber fist included
i meant rubber
I dunno, now if it WAS ribbed…
oh man, LOL, that tickles
Say it in French, baby…
B3nd œuvre, et je te montre un chatouillement.
c’est la tache, droite là…
“Tish, I love it when you speak French!”
Quit lookin’ at my tish!
But it just catches the eye… it’s so purdy…
You mean “pirdy”, don’t yoi?
Yoi, in da hoodi!
I always that it was purdy but I’ll go with pirdy as well.
Crap… I always *thought* that it was purdy but I’ll go with pirdy as well.
I think it’s “purdy” too…why am I wrong?
Lol. You’re cute.
Because otherwise you’d be oh so right.
je te montrai* for the future tense
It’s all about the presents, French stickler.
In Soviet Russia, machine works out on you?
In the KGB offices, yes.
So the dude get’s all “expressive” just when Olivia invites him to “let me hear your body talk.” What’s his body saying?
“I think it’s finally time to find out if I can get it in my mouth”?
Probably something like, “OWJESUSGODMOTHER!”
“B3nd your legs over your head … and lie upside down … and fall over on your side … and I’ll show you what a person who posts ‘FIRST’ looks like!”
any time that song comes on outside of the 80s or so they deserve whatever kind of pain comes their way… do you think while he was bent that way he managed to kiss his arse good bye?
I hope he stretched.
He did, if not before, then after.
Pilates by Procrustes.
Stretch and snap!
He made his own bed, and then had to lie in it.
This is exactly why you should always have a spotter.
I’m pretty sure he spotted his short on that one.
*shorts
All things considered, that had to be kind of scary.
lol, and emarasing. he was all tied up in that machine.
got his *shorts in a wad
Self wedgie?
we need to add a small fart noise at the ends
Spreading the elevens! It is a good pain, feel the burn.
in Soviet Russia burn feels you
I’m surprised his pants didn’t split.
yeah, those are some damn good pant.
http://sindios.labrute.fr fight!fight!
eh, they’re sweatpants. too stretchy to rip
Even those have a limit to their stretchy-ness.
Unlike Jammy Dodgers.
Something else split…
Infinitives don’t count.
Oh my gosh! Three, no FOUR fails for the price of one!
A YouTube video.
An 80’s song.
The failure of the pants not ripping (yeah, sure, they’re supposed to be reliable, but that’s a missed opportunity).
And the obvious “You don’t have a goddamn clue what you’re doing, do you?” fail that everyone who goes to the gym secretly wants to see.
Huge win for the onlookers, though.
This is forced, and is boring me.
miaow…!
Seriously. I have raging PMS and no attention span. I apologize.
Some exercise might help.
Yeah, I think I know just the thing…
Don’t forget to stretch first
Always do!
If you’d like an exercise buddy,
I’ll be glad to bore you.
Don’t be boorish!
25, OMFG, they were probably laughing too hard to help him. I would be so embarased and never go back to that gym
Chuck Norris designed that machine.
You just made me laugh at a really bad time cicili. Thanks a bunch! j/k
Blood and ashes, that’s gotta hurt!
Read much Wheel of Time, do you?
I read a lot of Wheel of Fortune. Merv Griffin is a great author.
I watch a lot of Family Guy. Peter Griffin is a great actor.
I watch a lot of “Shark Week”, that Mako has a killer bite.
I stare a lot at the mirror. That dude is crazy.
I masturbate looking to your mirror. That dude is hawt.
‘Tis true.
When Fuzz look in the mirror, he can see his reflection wink with both eyes.
pwnt by a couple of wires and steel bars. They live among us…
so nobody will * masterbate* ?
On your own, master.
And put the ring on first.
He was totally trying to impress those girls, and THAT is the fail.
Excruciating. Never mind “full of fail;” I think I’d use the more appropriate term “full of PAIN” instead.
screw first
LAST!!!!!
Screw first, ask questions later?
That’s what she said.
So, ‘Yall on the same team or what?
(answer to really bad blonde joke)
“Y’all”, *darn-tootin’ shudders*
So sorry. I was in character.
Get out of it, now!
*dials 999*
But your phone only has three buttons! How WILL you do that!
well I was gonna press 3 nine times…
0 to sucking your own dick
~ classic ~
You don’t make sense!
0 to tossing own Salad
in Soviet Russia Salad tosses you
saladin?
HAHA! That’s just funny.
Instant Yoga.
Just add Idiot.
Not yoga.
To Agony.
*clinks glasses with Loz*
*necks drink*
Another, Admiral
Idiot sold seperately
yoga flame?
uhhh….OOOUUUCCCHHH
Olivia Newton-John claims another victim.
This video takes a new meaning to the phrase ‘Grease Lightening’
FIRST!
Right! That’s it!
*Locks away Dabamash*
*masturbates* over bondage
Sorry, I was just getting into the theme.
Is that how it’s supposed to work?
Let me hear your body talk. I think it says “OMG OUCH!!!”
U talking to meh?
See, there’s this thing off to the side…. it’s inside the comment box. It says “Reply to this Comment”. Click on that.
Make me bitch. Oh wait, you just did. Damn you!
See? Now wasn’t that easy? Now everyone can follow the conversation. Wait, are you capable of conversation?
I am indeed capable. What O!
Then run along and find someone to listen to your prattle.
You are a cruel, cruel person. You love my prattle really.
hahah… Neubauten.
wtf is Neabauten. Have I missed something?
German lessons, perhaps?
I apologise for not being able to speak German. I speak a little
French, but German is beyond me. Apart from Kacke.
Ah! Du nicht sagst der Deutsch. Das is nicht gutt.
Meh, it’s never really bothered me to be honest. I cope.
Your avatar is a symbol for the band “Einsturzende Neubauten”
Oh right. I actually didn’t know that, I just liked the symbol
. They any good?
There, i’ve changed it. Symbol Fail.
They are VERY industrial, I like them but a lot of people dont. Picture Nine Inch Nails without as many instruments…. and instead of instruments they have garbage they are hitting to make noise. Thats pretty much them.
Hmm, don’t think I would like them. Anyway, just a misunderstanding on my behalf. I’ve changed my avatar now anyway. Cheers for telling me.
Dabamash, the only people who love your prattle are those who should be locked away in mental asylums, or work in the Bush Administration.
Touche.
Ah-ha, so you do speak French! Liar!
No, I think he’s just a bad speller…
Without the accent, it rhymes with “douche”…
Oh Avis, fishing for compliments again?
Why the hell is everyone German on here?
I’m not german! I’m a girl!!!
Nationality fail.
*sighs*
See Gender Fail, it’s one of the older ones/
Sorry. I’m kinda new to this. Gender fail then, if it makes you happy. It’s gonna take me a while to catch onto in-jokes.
It’s as easy as falling off a rear bumper.
…into a bin that isn’t a bin.
Well….that makes me feel better…..
If you haven’t noticed, we make a LOT of references to previous fails. Sometimes, the older the fail referenced the better. But really, go see Gender Fail. It’ll make sense then.
Ah yes, I see. Very good.
noob.
Yes, we know you are.
LOL I am. Today is only my second day…. and I already feel welcomed into this dysfunctional E-Family.
uhhh… in the video, is that guy dead?
No, but you managed to make me lol, so well done.
Hey, get back in the line!
Is it me in the retard line or is it hburger?
At first it was a tossup, but since you still can’t figure out how to reply…
Yeah, maybe I do belong in the retard line. Question: what’s at the front of the retard line (apart from you)?
nothing, sheesh, that’s why we’re retards. (you just lost your extra points)
(but you do get points for recognizing the reference)
No, that’s you in the corner…
No I’m in the basement,
but, you can get out, I mean, outside?
Right now I have to mix up the medicine
I’m on the pavement, thinking ’bout the government.
*coughs bad*
Can you spare any of that medicine, realalt?
Awww. Are you a sick fuzz?
*succors*
Has anyone seen my religion? I seem to have misplaced it.
In CCCP…
religion misplaces you
Thanks, I just couldn’t do it myself.
Im used to finishing by myself
*hugs ghehorg*
Oh no! I nearly missed the obligatory REM reference all the way down here.
*stands in spotlight*
She nearly missed it? It’s the end of the world as we know it.
I dunno, I feel fine.
-extremely fast lyrics that I don’t know-
Call me when you try to wake her up.
How many points do I have now?
I dunno, my calculators negative indicator is broken.
I’m a retard, so it stands to reason that the less points I have, the better it is.
Now you have to the back of the line.
You seem to have left out the words “go” and “to” from your comment. (points removed from your tally)
You will notice that I don’t pay too much attention to the whole
grammar/spelling that so many here are fixated on. So I already
have points that compare unfavorably to just about everything.
Do not. You have major points in uber-awesomeness.
*smooch*
It appears that you have aquired a small fan club, Raelalt. You even have the favour of the notorious Grammar Nazis. Congrats.
I’m not a Grammar Nazi. At least, I don’t think I am.
I SoooOOOooometiiiIIIIiimes get a bye from them though.
I have a legitimate excuse.
*SNORK!*
Retardation? It seems to be the theme of the moment.
Welcome to Failblog, retardation is theme of the whole damn thing.
I thought it was retradation?
Well, that’s become tradition here.
The typos or the dumbing down?
The burnings.
Oh, I thought that was all just smoke and mirrors.
That’s because we are such retardtionalists
That’s why when I used to take my sister to respite care in a bus that said ‘Spastic Centre’ across the side, I stuck with the tradition of licking the windows to make other drivers give us pitying looks.
Something tells me it didn’t actually say ‘Spastic Centre’.
Yeah it did. This is back mid 90’s when the term was acceptable to use when referring to people with Cerebral Palsy.
Juses! Where do you live? We would never have used
that term in the 90’s or even the 80’s. Very pejorative.
Even if it was ‘acceptable’, it’s still not a very nice thing to name a centre, is it?
Places like that here always have very tame names, such that you would never guess what they actually were.
Gah!
Rockhampton, Queensland, Australia.
It may not hold the same implications there as it does here then.
Spastic is a term similar to retard and even racial slurs in US.
Spastic means the same thing in Australia, I’m afraid.
Why thank you!
BTW hope your date goes well tonight. I had to get back in the dating scene last January after a 10 year relationship finally withered away. It’s not easy, but I did find a perfect someone.
I’m so glad for you!
And thanks. The date is tomorrow night, but I’ll be sure to tell you guys all about it!
Yay! I don’t know WTF your on about, but yay anyway.
I don’t know what MY on is doing, but YOUR on is about to get whomped by the Grammar Poice.
And I so tried to warn him.
Oh, don’t act like you’re not with us
(Didn’t you see what I just did there??)
Of course! I admire your subtlety!
I admire your stubbly
*blush*
it is… a bit.
Hey! Keep your hands on your own stubbly.
ghehorg is keeping his hand on his stubby.
my stubbly stubby. Anyone want some bubbly?
I think we’d prefer that you keep your bubbly to yourself.
I don’t think grammar and spelling come into it really. It’s just retardedness, which we have already agreed that everyone here has. So I shall return your points.
Ah but if we consider you a retard then you get the uber-retard award. Wear it with pride as you go into the world.
.
BTW you leave your shutter open a little too long on your night shots,
the light trails tend to wash out their borders with a resulting indistinctness.
I didn’t take that avatar pic. My night shots kick ass, as I am actually a photographer. Oh, and thanks for the award.
Taking pictures does not make ypu a photographer.
nor does it make you one.
You have 5000 points, but you should know, it’s kinda like “Who’s Line Is It Anyway” around here.
What? Random, unplanned and occasionally funny, with a pathetic points system?
The points don’t mean a blessed thing. But otherwise…. yeah.
Shame. I was enjoying the points thing.
Yeah, that was part of the whole “Random” thing.
You can cash in your points at the company store.
My god I think He’s got it!
(stick around sounds like you might fit in after all)
Woot. (sorry if that sounded really unenthusiastic)
I love how the guys first sets his clipboard nicely on the ground before making an attempt to help the guy up.
*snort*
What are you snorting? Can I have some?
Not bad, not bad. Stick with lines like that and you’ll go places.
But he might crack up.
Loz, you’re my heroin!
*smacks Rogue*
*makes a speedy retreat*
Psh, don’t meth me laugh.
What? All acid was you’re my heroin…
Teehee, you make me salviate.
Time for a coke and a smile…
I knew that dope had POTential
Oh, don’t be so pot-ty
Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda,
Here I am at Camp Marijuana
Acid’s good here,
Crack is better,
I’m so f&$%ed up I can hardly write this letter.
I had this damned tune stuck in my head all day yesterday. Enjoy.
At least you haven’t had to do the dance of the hours.
BTW I love your lyrics, did you make them up yourself?
No, I forget where I learned them though. Too much….. indulging will do that to you. And I had the Orchestral version in my head yesterday. For. Way. Too. Long. I was not a happy camper.
But were you a crappy hamper?
She definitely hampers my crappy moods
Agreed!!
Bitter, I was a bit bitter.
But now you’re better?
Maybe she’s mixing up a batter.
A better batter. Which isn’t bitter. Or butter.
butt butter?
Care to barter?
Nah, let’s just have some banter.
With the bartender.
Hmm. that actually made sense until after I hit the “add comment” button.
I noticed… better skip the breaker.
Don’t spill that butt butter on the berber carpet!
(…or on the burber rug…?)
Or the Burberry sheets.
It was one of my favorite segments in Fantasia, ballerina hippos.
Your lyrics are a take-off of the ones that Allan Sherman did so
long ago. I kinda like yours better
I’m passed cracking up. I’m onto disintegrating.
Why thank you. Anyway, lines like what? I seriously want whatever Fwee is on.
Bęnd ovęr and I’ll show you a line.
Like that really bad one you just used?
burn.
You need to beńd óver first…just like when daddy asks you.
But wipe your nose before you go to said places.
I saw this act on Cirque Du Soleile, he’s a mime!
Don’t ruin it for me.
And he’s knot in a box.
I’m pretty sure “Burn-of-the-Week” has turned into “Burn-of-the-whatever-time-period-we-feel-like.”
Not everyone has that burning feeling regularly, unlike you.
There’s always creams to help with that.
There are. You would know.
So I used to work for a chemist… and?
Burn! You just proved yourself right, Loz!
*savours the smell of the smouldering ashes*
You don’t have to be a Dragon to burn!
Branding irons can be fun!
What does yours look like?
Mine is a lower case “b”.
That hurt me!
Way too physical, physical…
QUICK- SOMEONE ANALLY PROBE HIM WHILE HIS ASS IS IN THE AIR!!!11!!
um….
*wince*
I like how the song playing said “Let me hear your body talk” Just his face almost matched his crotch and he looked at his ass.
AhHA!
I made a grave error in the other reply to this message. =(
Bet that guy hasnt been in that position in years… if ever. xD
I believe he can now do things he has always wished he could do….
I was watching this video and I knew what was gonna happen. I was just waiting untill… slam!
Indeed.
too bad the music covers the snap sound of the spinal bones …
omg just watched it like 10 times
he just gave himself head lol!
hahahahah xD