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Bumper Fail

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Submission and photo by Julie M

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255 Failures in Communication »

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Beren

Igenuity Win - and not a post about being first!

mrdobalina

I can’t see how a log would make an effective bumper. The whole point of a bumper is it crushes inwards on itself and therefore leave the car less harmed…and the driver’s body come to a slightly more gradual halt.
The whole process is supposed to be as if the car crashed into a huge pile of bubble-wrap.
If this car crashed, however, the effect would be as if it had crashed into a tree.

Biff

Um, no. The purpose of a bumper is to keep the car and you from being damaged at all. That is why they originally were made from solid steel. It’s only on new garbage designed cars that the bumper, and the car itself, are designed to collapse in on themselves. That why it is now possible to total a car if you hit something going ten miles an hour. Then you have to go purchase a NEW car. That is the real purpose of the new collapse technology, not safety.

Bumper Fan

Finally someone with obvious background of long term studies in pysics, medicine and of course crashteststudies.
The collapsing car is designed to absorb some of the impact. If the energy of a 50 km/h crash was absorbed by only your body you could be lucky if you are heavily injured.
Old bumpers were made from solid steel because at that time engineers simply didn’t know better.

Malfeasant

i don’t think it was because they didn’t know better, but more because cars didn’t have seatbelts then, so it didn’t really matter what the bumper did… what good is cushioning the car if you still hit the steering wheel at 40 mph? in any case, i think a log is better than nothing at all, in fact, it’s better than bad, it’s good
everyone wants a log
you’re gonna love it, log
come on and get your log

 
Captain Obvious

It rolls down stairs
In singles and pairs
Rolls over your neighbor’s dog…

zync

What rolls down stairs,
Alone or in pairs,
Rolls over your neighbor’s dog,
What’s great for a snack,
And fit’s on your back,
It’s log, log, log,
It’s log, log,
It’s big, It’s heavy, it’s wood,
It’s log, log,
It’s better than bad it’s good,
Everyone wants a log,
You’re gonna love it, log,
Come on and get your log,
Everyone needs a log.
LOG from BLAMMO!

Ineverfial

Ren & Stimpy WIN
and about the log…I actually got one at home^^

 
 
 
 
 
Rob W

Wow, that’s incredibly cynical! I bet you’d even find a way to say that the airbags are only there to make you buy a new car as well!!

New bumpers are most definitely about safety, but also about damage limitation. By letting the bumper take the force of a crash, it means that the car takes less force and the chassis and the really expensive parts of the car remain largely untouched.

ladyrazzle

Delivery of WIN for ripple.

ripple

Why thank you kindly lady. Unfortunately I have condemned myself to hear the song on repeat, in my head since 11 this morning :(

 
 
 
Beren

Having a large log as a rear bumper is probably a really good idea on a number of levels.

First wood is compressible so it will absorb impact forces should the vehicle have an accident.

Secondly I would not tailgate a car with a log supported by a couple of chains for a back bumper. Ergo this car is far less likely to be involved in a collision from behind.

the pun-isher

A natural carbon-fibre fender (before we start a long thread on the names of car parts, fender=bumper over here. -starts into chorus from the musical “anything goes”-)

oh_My_Dog

Where’s the glimpse of stocking, and “yes” I’d enjoy seeing John Barrowman undressed, I even like Mae West and bare arms.

 
nit picky pete

bumper=bumper & fender=wing or quarter panel

 
 
asdf

I agree that I would not tailgate this car. If anything, I think I would observe their enginuity from a distance.

However, I don’t agree with the compressibility of a “tree bumper”. A tree verses car collision usually results in a tree WIN and car FAIL.

But this way, He always has fire wood.

 
 
Biff

No, bumpers and the entire car, with the exception of the passenger compartment, are design to crumple at very lower impact speeds thereby destroying the car. Modern cars are totaled at impacts that would barely put a dent in in the old steel models.

Fat Zero

Yeah, these same old steel models where the engines would slam into passengers and trap them in the passenger area and force the local fire department to cut them out with the Jaws of Life while they bleed to death, sorry your conspiracy argument is not working but if you do not know anything of car manufacturing safety, some blog on the internet isn’t the place to demonstrate your interNUTS.

asdf

just for fun, did you know the “jaws of life” used to be called the “jaws of death” until they decided to rename them something a little less ominous. I find the original name funnier.

 
 
You've Got Fail

Are you sure about that? Metaphorically speaking, the “jaws of death” is the life-threatening car accident itself!

“Jaws of death” is a VERY old literary metaphor (see below). The “jaws of life” were named that way in an ironic/humorous way as being something that gets you OUT of the Jaws of Death.

Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, 1601:
“Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch’d one half out of the jaws of death…”

Admiral Apparent

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
  Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
  Rode the six hundred.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson “Charge of the Light Brigade”
This was inspired by November 14, 1854 dispatch in the London Times, written by William Howard Russell. The poem affected the way this colossal failure was portrayed for many years.

the pun-isher

Silly war run by Nitt(sic)-wear?

(Comments wont nest below this level)
 
 
 
 
You've Got Fail

P.S. Cultural awareness FAIL

 
 
 
 
Pretentious White Girl

The airbags force you to buy a new car by causing you to suffocate and panic when they blow up in your face, and thereby causing you to have a panic attack every time you sit in the driver’s seat of your old car, thereby forcing you to buy a new one.

 
 
mr s.a.u.s.a.g.e

Yeah, and they add something to water, so it produces rainbows…:P

Khaaaaaaan

Estrogen, in my opinion…

State Your Name

You don’t say? Maybe we should get mr sausage to jizz into the water supply to counter those harmful rainbows.

raelalt

If you don’t mind, I’ll stick with the rainbows.

State Your Name

Fine. Go drink your gay rainbow water while the rest of us drink MANjuice. Hoo-ah! ;)

 
 
 
 
Pretentious White Girl

They’re trying to corrupt our precious bodily fluids.

 
 
phonono

Owning a private car = automatic fail

cinc

Wow. You must -really- hate people from rural areas.

Avis

People in rural area can have private cars, fine. But why, WHY, would you ever want to live in the suburbs? City or country, pick one.

Dragonwriter

Um….I grew up in the ‘burbs. It’s actually really nice to be close to all the amenities of a city without being either stuck in the middle of bloody nowhere or cast amongst the hustle and bustle of city life.
.
So pllbbt. :p

Avis

Sorry, but the ‘burbs give me the heebie jeebies. I happen to like the hustle and bustle. Also, I don’t drive. At all. So it’s the city life for me!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
dashiznit

Who’s to say it’s not a rubber tree?

raelalt

You really get right down to the root of things don’t you? Just be sure you don’t go too far out on a limb, while branching out.
Now I think I will just leaf.

Loz

Oakay, good idea. Leaf while you’re still poplar.

the pun-isher

Time to bough out gracefully?

 
 
raelalt

Damn, not reading complete prior posts before posting redundant puns: FAIL!

Dragonwriter

That resin-ates with my fail with Loz yesterday. I’d claim that we are just eager to play, but that’s a fascicle argument.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Alex-X-x

grr u deserved huge rape from me for being first!

 
Beren

You are about as entertaining as a child’s inflatable punching toy. You bop it, it springs back, you bop it again and you forget it ever existed. It slowly deflates in an unused corner, then one day you throw it away. I’d get more pleasure from running my nostrils down a cactus, than reading another contribution from you. Maybe you wouldn’t read like such a pathetic loser if you weren’t an ‘idiot savant’ without the ’savant’ part; if your weren’t so fat that your cereal bowl has its own lifeguard, or if you didn’t have a face like a boiled Octopus. No, come to think of it, you would.

dilettante

I completely agree, but wonder why you capitalized “Octopus”? And insulted them? Octopi are pretty cool.

Beren

I thought it was getting too close to the perfect insult. I was worried that if delivered absolutely flawlessly it would create such a catastrophic loss of Alex-x-x’s self confidence that they might spontaneously cease to exist. Of course I should have noted that with a retard of Alex-x-x’s calibre I would actually have been doing the world a favour with such an act; therefore, having nothing to feel guilty about in achieving their total destruction. In short I apologise for both the capitalisation and the bad name I was giving Octopi.

dilettante

It’s all right. His retardation is both confusing and upsetting. It’s not your fault.

Loz

It should technically be spelled ‘octopodes’ ;)

Man... or AstroMan

The plural forms ‘octopodes’, ‘octopi’ or even ‘octopuses’ are ok…

Loz

Yes, they are acceptable, but I said “technically” if you go by the root of the word it should be ‘octopodes’.