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Igenuity Win – and not a post about being first!
or second
I can’t see how a log would make an effective bumper. The whole point of a bumper is it crushes inwards on itself and therefore leave the car less harmed…and the driver’s body come to a slightly more gradual halt.
The whole process is supposed to be as if the car crashed into a huge pile of bubble-wrap.
If this car crashed, however, the effect would be as if it had crashed into a tree.
Um, no. The purpose of a bumper is to keep the car and you from being damaged at all. That is why they originally were made from solid steel. It’s only on new garbage designed cars that the bumper, and the car itself, are designed to collapse in on themselves. That why it is now possible to total a car if you hit something going ten miles an hour. Then you have to go purchase a NEW car. That is the real purpose of the new collapse technology, not safety.
Finally someone with obvious background of long term studies in pysics, medicine and of course crashteststudies.
The collapsing car is designed to absorb some of the impact. If the energy of a 50 km/h crash was absorbed by only your body you could be lucky if you are heavily injured.
Old bumpers were made from solid steel because at that time engineers simply didn’t know better.
i don’t think it was because they didn’t know better, but more because cars didn’t have seatbelts then, so it didn’t really matter what the bumper did… what good is cushioning the car if you still hit the steering wheel at 40 mph? in any case, i think a log is better than nothing at all, in fact, it’s better than bad, it’s good
everyone wants a log
you’re gonna love it, log
come on and get your log
Win
It rolls down stairs
In singles and pairs
Rolls over your neighbor’s dog…
What rolls down stairs,
Alone or in pairs,
Rolls over your neighbor’s dog,
What’s great for a snack,
And fit’s on your back,
It’s log, log, log,
It’s log, log,
It’s big, It’s heavy, it’s wood,
It’s log, log,
It’s better than bad it’s good,
Everyone wants a log,
You’re gonna love it, log,
Come on and get your log,
Everyone needs a log.
LOG from BLAMMO!
Ren & Stimpy WIN
and about the log…I actually got one at home^^
Ren and Stimpy reference – man that takes me back. Back to days I can’t remember due to excessive drug and alcohol consumption done during those days. Is that a paradox?
probably cuz there weren’t as many idiots behind the wheel back then and they didn’t have to factor in a crash happening every 3 seconds..
This is an antique bumper
Because the bumper had been getting better and better day by day like first was from wood, then rock, then copper, then steel, then aluminium, and now a kind of plastic with metal properties.
I understand this far better then you do. Yes the collapsing car is designed to protect the passengers. But the switch for old solid steel to todays plastic, fiber glass, aluminum collapse cars didn’t come about in order to provide safety. It came about to make more money by building cars out of cheaper less safe materials. After the fact they realized that these cheap little death traps that crumpled up like tin foil were killing everybody. So, they designed the strategic collapse cars in an effort to make them as safe as the old steel models. In short, the collapsing car isn’t an improvement over steel, it’s a compensation for building cars out of garbage materials. The only true safety improvements since the old steel days are things like seat belts, ABS, etc.
The very first steel bumpers were rigidly attached to the frame, and it was found that low speed impacts caused serious injury to the occupants. Engineers solved this problem with 5mph shock absorbers. The solid steel bumpers in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s were mounted with these shock absorbers. The idea was that any impact of low energy (equal to 5mph into a wall) would cause no damage to the car. The shock absorbers would burst at impacts of higher energy. Pressure to make automobiles lighter and more fuel fuel efficient forced automobile manufacturers to abandon the use of steel bumpers and the 5mph shock absorbers in favor of the crumple-zone design used today. Because of this, bumping into a pole or other car in a parking lot costs a thousand times more than with the old design. However, current advancements have made the crumple zone design relatively safe in a high energy impact. I say relatively because the crash tests are done against a wall. If you were to crash into my 1982 Oldsmobile Regency (5200 lbs) in your new 3000 lb sedan, you and your car would sustain most of the damage because my car has more intertia. The truth is auto makers could combine the crumple zone idea with a useful bumper, but cars would cost more, weigh more, and use more gasoline.
Wow, that’s incredibly cynical! I bet you’d even find a way to say that the airbags are only there to make you buy a new car as well!!
New bumpers are most definitely about safety, but also about damage limitation. By letting the bumper take the force of a crash, it means that the car takes less force and the chassis and the really expensive parts of the car remain largely untouched.
MMM MMM MMM MMM
Delivery of WIN for ripple.
Why thank you kindly lady. Unfortunately I have condemned myself to hear the song on repeat, in my head since 11 this morning
Having a large log as a rear bumper is probably a really good idea on a number of levels.
First wood is compressible so it will absorb impact forces should the vehicle have an accident.
Secondly I would not tailgate a car with a log supported by a couple of chains for a back bumper. Ergo this car is far less likely to be involved in a collision from behind.
A natural carbon-fibre fender (before we start a long thread on the names of car parts, fender=bumper over here. -starts into chorus from the musical “anything goes”-)
Where’s the glimpse of stocking, and “yes” I’d enjoy seeing John Barrowman undressed, I even like Mae West and bare arms.
bumper=bumper & fender=wing or quarter panel
I agree that I would not tailgate this car. If anything, I think I would observe their enginuity from a distance.
However, I don’t agree with the compressibility of a “tree bumper”. A tree verses car collision usually results in a tree WIN and car FAIL.
But this way, He always has fire wood.
hahaha!!! i totally tailgated this car on my way to school a year ago because i was trying to get a picture of the bumper. failed at taking it myself but just crapped my pants with joy to find it here!
No, bumpers and the entire car, with the exception of the passenger compartment, are design to crumple at very lower impact speeds thereby destroying the car. Modern cars are totaled at impacts that would barely put a dent in in the old steel models.
Yeah, these same old steel models where the engines would slam into passengers and trap them in the passenger area and force the local fire department to cut them out with the Jaws of Life while they bleed to death, sorry your conspiracy argument is not working but if you do not know anything of car manufacturing safety, some blog on the internet isn’t the place to demonstrate your interNUTS.
just for fun, did you know the “jaws of life” used to be called the “jaws of death” until they decided to rename them something a little less ominous. I find the original name funnier.
O RLY?
Trivia! Yay!
Are you sure about that? Metaphorically speaking, the “jaws of death” is the life-threatening car accident itself!
“Jaws of death” is a VERY old literary metaphor (see below). The “jaws of life” were named that way in an ironic/humorous way as being something that gets you OUT of the Jaws of Death.
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, 1601:
“Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch’d one half out of the jaws of death…”
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.
Alfred, Lord Tennyson “Charge of the Light Brigade”
This was inspired by November 14, 1854 dispatch in the London Times, written by William Howard Russell. The poem affected the way this colossal failure was portrayed for many years.
Silly war run by Nitt(sic)-wear?
Ooooh, poetry!
*swoons*
P.S. Cultural awareness FAIL
There was no jaws of life back then. The only thing those old cars had going against them was lack of seat belts, other then that, they were far superior to newer models. As far as conspiracies go… I never said it was a conspiracy, but I suppose you could call it that. Not much of one though. Car makers simply claim that the garbage construction of cars is a safety feature to explain why they get totaled at ten miles an hour into a pole.
Srsly. This is a Subaru, in Colorado. We have lots of logs, and lots of Subarus without bumpers or fenders. What would YOU do????? Pfft.
The airbags force you to buy a new car by causing you to suffocate and panic when they blow up in your face, and thereby causing you to have a panic attack every time you sit in the driver’s seat of your old car, thereby forcing you to buy a new one.
Considering my brother while stationed in Germany bought a BMW….He could not bring it back to the states because the bumper (and other parts, but for this conversation) was TOO strong….it was made of steel, making it “unsafe” for people on the road, since they are in “garbage” materials (to use previous statements).
Yeah, and they add something to water, so it produces rainbows…:P
Estrogen, in my opinion…
You don’t say? Maybe we should get mr sausage to jizz into the water supply to counter those harmful rainbows.
If you don’t mind, I’ll stick with the rainbows.
Fine. Go drink your gay rainbow water while the rest of us drink MANjuice. Hoo-ah!
They’re trying to corrupt our precious bodily fluids.
mmm…bodily fluids…*masturbates*
Owning a private car = automatic fail
Wow. You must -really- hate people from rural areas.
People in rural area can have private cars, fine. But why, WHY, would you ever want to live in the suburbs? City or country, pick one.
Um….I grew up in the ‘burbs. It’s actually really nice to be close to all the amenities of a city without being either stuck in the middle of bloody nowhere or cast amongst the hustle and bustle of city life.
.
So pllbbt. :p
Sorry, but the ‘burbs give me the heebie jeebies. I happen to like the hustle and bustle. Also, I don’t drive. At all. So it’s the city life for me!
I like cities…just don’t want to live in the thick of one. And the country gives ME the heebie jeebies.
I guess that’s why there are different places for different people to live, huh?
I’m with Dragon on this one. Suburbs are conveniently middle-ish. Great for fence-sitters. I love the countryside but I also like being near civilisation.
1) I don’t hate people from rural areas. I AM from a rural area. (And i don’t hate myself =D)
2) You don’t NECESSARILY need a private car if you live in a rural area.
shut up Hippy
You’re a hippy!
shut up Hippy hater
It’s called ‘Planned Obsolesence’
Agreed!
Who’s to say it’s not a rubber tree?
Don’t be such a sap.
You really get right down to the root of things don’t you? Just be sure you don’t go too far out on a limb, while branching out.
Now I think I will just leaf.
Oakay, good idea. Leaf while you’re still poplar.
Time to bough out gracefully?
Damn, not reading complete prior posts before posting redundant puns: FAIL!
Hahaha.
That resin-ates with my fail with Loz yesterday. I’d claim that we are just eager to play, but that’s a fascicle argument.
Don’t you insult nature’s bumper!!!!
grr u deserved huge rape from me for being first!
I envy your life.
I don’t.
You are about as entertaining as a child’s inflatable punching toy. You bop it, it springs back, you bop it again and you forget it ever existed. It slowly deflates in an unused corner, then one day you throw it away. I’d get more pleasure from running my nostrils down a cactus, than reading another contribution from you. Maybe you wouldn’t read like such a pathetic loser if you weren’t an ‘idiot savant’ without the ’savant’ part; if your weren’t so fat that your cereal bowl has its own lifeguard, or if you didn’t have a face like a boiled Octopus. No, come to think of it, you would.
I completely agree, but wonder why you capitalized “Octopus”? And insulted them? Octopi are pretty cool.
I thought it was getting too close to the perfect insult. I was worried that if delivered absolutely flawlessly it would create such a catastrophic loss of Alex-x-x’s self confidence that they might spontaneously cease to exist. Of course I should have noted that with a retard of Alex-x-x’s calibre I would actually have been doing the world a favour with such an act; therefore, having nothing to feel guilty about in achieving their total destruction. In short I apologise for both the capitalisation and the bad name I was giving Octopi.
It’s all right. His retardation is both confusing and upsetting. It’s not your fault.
It should technically be spelled ‘octopodes’
The plural forms ‘octopodes’, ‘octopi’ or even ‘octopuses’ are ok…
Yes, they are acceptable, but I said “technically” if you go by the root of the word it should be ‘octopodes’.
*sigh*
*hands inhaler*
What about Octopussy? Sorry, couldn’t resist …
Restraint fail.
(Funny, I thought I posted this already, but it didn’t work. Post fail.)
oh i’m impressed how much attention did u payed me!
*masturbates x5*
Sorry. I don’t speak retardese. Can you get someone to translate into meaningful English before you post, please?
Well my retardese is a little rusty, but I’ll have a go: I believe its along the lines of “i am so happy you noticed my new shoes, i go have sex relations with muther now.”
she has vagine like wizard’s sleeve
She shout “you will never get this, you will never get this!” and then one day he got out of the cage and he ‘get this’!
Then she bite my pee-pee off and I have too pee threw straw.
Are we a little tense? Hmm??
OMG! Those were my exact words… Like, I was thinking I was gonna post “Ingenuity win”… and then the page loaded… and there it is in front of me.
…creepy…
technically you still posted about being first. but, agreed, this is a win.
Oh well, at least the car is a Subaru Outback………
touch wood nothing goes wrong
impostor!
Touch whose wood?
How much wood would a woodchuck touch if a woodchuck would touch wood?
Torchwood.
(I have a regional accent!)
How much ass could a jackass jack if a jackass could jack ass?
or third
This is a redneck win!
‘Cord’n to you.
No, rednecks don’t drive Subarus. They’re for latte-sippers who can’t afford a Volvo (yet).
How about a Bushwacker win? Didn’t Cocodile Dundee drive a Subaru.. and them’s somethin’n like Aussie Rednecks.
Actually…true story…I used to have a Volvo. And I got rid of it and bought a Subaru!
Dunno if I’d call this a redneck ‘win’, but it’s definitely a redneck bumper! Imagine the damage that log will do to the back of that poor Subaru if it was hit from behind.
Bumper fail. Hell, total rear of car fail!
that poor tree. It could have been put to a better use, like a fire.
heehee fire. . .
You do realize that once it’s outlived it’s usefulness as a bumper, that is most likely it’s destination?
Not to mention this way it gets to see more of the world then it would back home.
Damnit you are smarter then me.
Well if that were a Ford Pinto, it still stands a chance at fire.
*SNORK!*
Fire?
*masturbates*
Got Wood?
HIS BUMPER DOES!
*masturbates*
oh my…you are all perverts!!! *masturbates*
masturbates?
*perverts*
*snorts audibly with laughter during lecture that she is supposed to be taking notes for*
You bastards.
*snert*
“Let them know you worth it
Dust it off and jerk it
Jerk it, jerk it
Dust it off and jerk it”
…why am I not surprised by the Colorado plate?
7th
7th! wow, thats a first
heh
knowing how to reply FAIL
aw. i guess im 8th
He did it again!
11th! Yes! *masturbates* Now I’m double the idiot of all you “first” masturbating posters. Lol.
Math fail…
Oh, you were already double the idiot, for reasons competely unrelated to “first” or masturbating posts.
I would comment here, but I won’t bother. I’m just a woman who uses men
takes them for all I can get, and then screws them over, so Biff wouldn’t believe anything I said anyway.
OK. At least you’re being honest.
*points Biff toward the definition of “irony” in the dictionary*
Very creative
but i doubt the effektivness of it 0.o
Ah so that’s why in the states a boot is called a trunk.
You should see the log book he has in the glove compartment.
You sir, have won an internet.
yes you now get 15% more internet
Is it easy to reach? Or does he have to root around for it?
Unfortunately the driver had some old sweets in there… so it’s a bit sticky.
That’s a re-leaf.
you’re barking mad.
I will admit that I’m a little ashamed for laughing at these comments..
You should probably branch out a little then…..lol.
These are so bad that I’m gonna make like a tree and leave.
Wood you realy?
Maybe this bumper wood have made more sense on a Subaru Forester thsn a Subaru Outback.
Japanese car manufacturers are branching out this year.
I’ve run out of tree-puns.
I con-seed defeat.
lol, even failblog is getting in on the punnery: it said ‘Comments wont nest below this level’. Very,very clever…
MrDoblina – No! there is always a way to spruce up your puns.
Don’t stop mrdobalina! We will Pine for you if you leave us!
Oak-ay, I’ll stay.
The Larch
the Larch
the LARCH!
Good man, I;m glad you deciduosed to stay.
(hmm that one was a little weak even for me!)
that was acorny joke!
ho ho, not that old chesnut!
don’t try to palm that off onto me.
So when changing a flat tire, will he be using a lumber jack?
That comment made me saw in the head.
I am evergreen with envy at your witticisms.
They do seem very Poplar don’t they.
Don’t plank on it.
(that sounded better in my head. I think now I am trying too hard).
Wow. This is a ridiculous run of jOaks.
Can we get back on topic? Son of a Birch you guys……crap, now I’m doing it…..
Please don’t stem the flow of puns.
This flow of puns is fruitless. I pine for a more fruitful flow.
Now the thread has come to fruition now.
Personally I think it’s come to a head….
a beech head.
Don’t stop now, keep the phloem going.
Make like a tree and get outta here.
You are berry silly, bud.
I’m wilting with laughter…
I will now log off my intertest.
(ftw?)
You can’t “ftw” yourself! It’s in the rules!
I’m sorry, but you…fail.
The glove compartment is inaccurately named… ’cause behind its door there’s nothing to keep my fingers warm.
Death Cab for Cutie WIN!
You’d of thought there would at least be some fir.
You’d have been embarrassed if you’d have realised your mistake.
Abies a little embarrassed at times about Fagus water, but I never beech about it.
Maybe it’s Jeremy Clarkson’s car?
no
Something tells me Jeremy wouldn’t be seen dead driving a Subaru.
where else, then soviet russia it could be?
Your powers of observation are only superseded by your wit and spelling.
where else, then?
Look at the licence plate.
Nevermind.
lol
Seems like a natural solution in Colorado. I hear logs grow on trees, there.
really? out where i live they grow in the water, and on beaches.
Don’t you mean beeches?
And Blogs as well.
He did it again!.
Well, THIS wasn’t where that reply was supposed to go …
AGAIN??
*hands Eplekongen his own petard*
*hoists*
Your comment rubbed me the right way. And boy does it feel good!
Oh how embarrassing, I didn’t realize until now it was someone from around here…
Could he just be carrying a tree log?
This confuses and frightens me
I meant for the sake of transporting the log.
Oh, ok. No, I think he’d just put it in the trunk.
You presume to know this person’s inclinations?
Look, Loz! Everyone likes a log in the trunk!
Maybe his trunk is already full of logs… and sticks.
♫
He once was a caveman
Now he’s a lawyer
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer!
♫
There’s a gremlin in my cell phone.
Vagabond: “Could he just be carrying a tree log?”
.
If so, must be from Twin Peaks.
You get pie for that.
it’s not a bumper, but fuel. Very clever btw. Omerigans should learn how to live without gas.
Maybe I should stop eating broccoli…
Chopin ate broccoli.
I chopped and ate broccoli too.
Stop, chop, and withold?
Wacky Races WIN for the Arkansas Chugabug.
Or perhaps Rufus Ruffcut and Sawtooth in the Buzz Wagon.
It’s the signature bumper of the Lumber Cartel (tinlc).
(singing)
“It’s lo-og, it’s lo-og, it’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood!
It’s better than bad, it’s good!”
Did it roll over your neighbors’ dog?
Yes, I kinda did do that.
And by ‘kinda’ I mean ‘repeatedly’, and by ‘dog’ I mean ’son’.
Unfortunately, it did. Great for a snack, though. Meaning the log, not poor little Spot. He tasted like vinegar.
After I rolled it down the stairs.
Hmm… it looks like my morning wood.
I mourn your wood!
You mean it’s bark is flaking off and leaking sap?
O_O
I’m going to have nightmares later.
I believe him. After all, it’s been cut off.
You are barking up the wrong tree.
Are you Norwegian?
No, but his bird HAS flown.
LOL! Oh, that was good!
>> Wow, that’s incredibly cynical! I bet you’d even find a way to say that the airbags >> are only there to make you buy a new car as well!!
Actually, that is exactly the effect they have. Reinstalling the airbag system can cost a couple of K nowadays, so a car that would be otherwise fine to drive but is too old for replacing the airbags to be worth it is junked nowadays because it’s cheaper for the insurance company to cut a check.
Your sarcasm running up and smacking facefirst into reality FAIL.
Who are you talking to?
Not understanding the words “Reply to this Comment” FAIL.
nobody cares.
*masturbates*
Double post uberfail.
Wait, I have a twin??
Scrolling up to read the quoted comment FAIL.
Ability to Press Reply underneath Comment being quoted on, Fail.
Failing to take a hint that you are doing it wrong, Fail.
You sir fail at internets.
Maybe he’s a lumberjack, but he can’t afford a truck?
career fail?
But he’s ok, he sleeps all night and works all day.
He want to be a laay-deeee, just like his dear mamaaaa
I love you guys
I would dare to say… BUMPER WIN!
It’s Nederland, CO. It’s a different world up here, you folks with oxygen in your air wouldn’t understand.
Ned: A Dog for every Subaru.
Ned: Helping put Ward in perspective for you.
Ned: Like Boulder, but without the proximity to reality
*waves at Bob* Howdy neighbor!
So you know this guy? Is it your car?
And Nederland CO is truly a different world. Check out “Frozen Dead Guy Days”
Wonder what’s the carbon signature!?
It’s written with a graphite pencil.
I’ve seen this one in person. The picture was taken in boulder.
How is this fail? Environmentally friendly ftw! :p
Is that a log, or is your car just happy to see me?
green bumper
Bumper win! That must be one tough bumper!
WIN! OMG WIN!
240th comment WIN??????
Nah…Wooden bumpers are W-I-N
FTW! That’s what any rightful, nature loving, sooby owned would do!
it’s a subaru with a roof rack. obviously they spend a lot of time in the woods. leave people in the woods long enough and you get all kinds of weird hippie-tech, like the river-water-and-leaves gravity bong or the palace-o-tarps with earth-insulated, bear-proof cooler cage. after seeing my fellow guides come up with that stuff, i’m amazed we didn’t have a tree/car hybrid like this show up.
I actually saw this car just a couple days ago. It cracked me up at the time.
But I say, “Why not?” Haha. I’d rather strap a log on than pay the manufacturer a couple thousand dollars for a painted piece of plastic.
this is WIN-WIN, for ingenuity, being green, and saving $$ on car repairs!
that bumper is definitely win. does its job very well i presume
i just dropped a log in the toilet
Win. Those of you saying that a car crash involving a tree is so devastating need to realize that trees tend to be rooted in the ground (typically as deep as they are tall) and are vertical – not horizontal. Another Win – The model – ‘Outback.’ = Priceless
Win all the way
It’s what makes a subaru, a subaru
The log is to help getting un-stuck from the mud when you go off-roading.
The Subaru Outback. Demonstrating where nature sits on the totem.