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Conspiracy Fail


Submitted by Damjana

Incorrect source or offensive?

» 1,399 Failures in Communication

  1. mr s.a.u.s.a.g.e says:

    *masturbates*

  2. pwner of N00bs says:

    For somone that sounded so intelligent with such big words, she sure is a moron.

  3. Ryan Waxx says:

    The fact that no one can tell if she’s an environmentalist or a nutjob says much about environmentalism as practiced today.

  4. Avis says:

    What … how… I… wow.

  5. Spencer says:

    This is a case where an abortion was needed…

  6. krijn says:

    The spectrum.. is rainbow. This can not be natural.
    ROFL! xD

  7. squizan says:

    She’s whinny too. Like, who complains about rainbows?

  8. JetMorgan says:

    LOL! There are so many hilarious things about this video… where to start? “Never happened 20 years ago”? “But now it’s happening now”! Yup, now is now and not some other time, OMG, conspiracy! Conspiiiiiiirrrrrraaaaaaaaacyyyyyy!

  9. Crash says:

    please… for the love of all that’s good and holy… someone tells me she’s kidding… she has to be, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to breath on her own. or maybe california will tell us that rainbows cause cancer, you never know.

  10. Dustin says:

    Let me speak with the general population with a quick summary of my thoughts on this video.

    W….
    T…….
    F……?

  11. Cloral says:

    I have a hard time believing that she is serious.

    On the other hand, if she is trying to be funny, she fails at that as well. So either way…

  12. LIVElearnLIE04 says:

    Oh shit refracted light! when did that start happening

  13. Lardboy says:

    What a moron. Pollution doesn’t cause rainbows.

    Gays do.

  14. Jack says:

    “What is oozing out of our ground?!”

    Umm…water?

    • ReTARDIS says:

      HELLO! HUMOR! YOU NEED A SENSE OF IT TO BE HERE!

      • abstract says:

        ha, he is funny, he was making fun of her……ReTARDIS, maybe you are her…

        • Avis says:

          Do not anger ReTardis, her vengeance can be harsh.

          • Shadow says:

            [popcorn]
            *munchy munch munch*
            [/popcorn]

            :D

            • Dragonwriter says:

              You gonna share that? ;)

              • Kerfuffle Monger says:

                DRAGONWRITER!

                ::masturbates::

                • mr s.a.u.s.a.g.e says:

                  sorry, I can’t – she is too boring.

                  • raelalt says:

                    Ok vienna (you don’t mind if I call you by your fist name do you?) I hope you’re going to replace the irony-o-meter you just broke. It cost me a bundle.

                    • Dragonwriter says:

                      *smooch*

                      *smooches Kerfluffle also, just ‘cuz*

                    • mr s.a.u.s.a.g.e says:

                      my fist doesn’t have a name… should I give it one?

                      • raelalt says:

                        All this time we thought you called it “Wife”.

                        • mr s.a.u.s.a.g.e says:

                          you’re soooooo predictable… no, I don’t call her names…
                          your mom takes all the names

                        • raelalt says:

                          “Your Mom” lines (can’t call them jokes) and I’m the one who is predictable? Ok mr vienna sausage, go back to pleasuring yourself, someone has to do it.

                        • mr s.a.u.s.a.g.e says:

                          ok, go back to your boring conversation with dragonsomething
                          in which nobody (or almost nobody) is interested…

                        • RogueThree says:

                          *loads RPG, passes napalm to Dragon*

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          That’s very sweet of you Rogue…but you don’t use napalm for minor irritants like ants and mosquitoes.

                          You feel free, though, if you feel like some target practice!

                        • fuzz on the concept says:

                          no need for that stuff, Rogue, realalt just killed vienna boy with royally entertaining pwnage

                        • fuzz on the concept says:

                          “go back to boring” indeed –
                          that really is funny

                        • So I had this terrible dream last night where I found myself in this damp and dark basement with blood on my hands and two dead hookers laying crumpled on the ground. I instantly panicked because I didn’t remember doing anything and knew that I was going to be implicated in their murder. I went to go wash my hands when I heard all kinds of noise coming from up above. It turns out that I had thrown a party and people were beginning to show up. I got even more terrified because now at any minute all the people I cared about were going to discover this grisly murder scene, and I didn’t know what to do. I became frantic and starting thrashing about, searching around in the dreamscape nightmare basement of hell, I found a huge container of kerosene, and figured the best way to take care of the situation was to burn the house down, so as to burn the bodies and make a convenient reason to cancel the party before my friends thought the worse of me. As with all anxiety dreams of this nature, the fire failed and burned really slowly. It was enough to drive my friends outside to drink on the front lawn, but not quick or powerful enough to destroy the house. Moments later, the fire department showed up. I had to convince them that I either had the fire under control to make them leave. Ludicrous of course, but one can’t have the fire department put an evidence-killing fire. And of course, since these dreams always persist with the fail, the fire department put out the fire with epic brevity and discovered the corpses in the basement. They forcefully dragged me downstairs and I suddenly had the sensation that they weren’t fire fighters, but some kind if demons. When we got back to the corpses, one of them spoke in this guttural growl about how I had achieved something good. I clearly remember him saying “nice work”. A hidden door opened up in the wall revealing a gaping secret passage. We walked through it single file. We came out to a huge chamber that was lined with all matter of cages, big and small, weirdly shaped. Each one containing a human being of some kind, if you could call them that. They didn’t seem to be in any pain, as painful and torturous as some of their postures were. Some had their eyes sewn open and grinned with eery expectancy, but no trace of discomfort. Others looked like they could mutate on command, shifty translucent skin and webbing. Lizard eyes. I was ushered to the middle of the room and ordered to close my eyes. I obliged only for a moment before I heard a cacophony of iron and chains being unfurled. A 30 foot tall fire breathing Anubis-like being stepped out of yet another hidden portal and bellowed. In the resounding echo more disturbances and other creatures screamed back from within the walls. The demon approached me very slowly, as if walking on wisps. His movements were other-worldly, slow and persistent, but given to a slight forward tilt, his gait scared the shit out of me. His smile revealed multiple racks of hideously tiny teeth and shadows of what looked like beetles scurried through his mouth. The last thing I remember was him holding a giant scimitar high over his head and screaming “WTFLOL” as the blade came down. I woke up covered in sweat and realised I pissed myself. I was initially really troubled by this but upon further inspection, I discovered I had a “wet” dream! That’s the fail of this fail. You can’t look at things too closely or else you discover darkness. A “wet” demon prostitute dream. Staring into a sprinkler and believing the world is snapping apart with rampant sabotage and poisoning. Actually it’s a just a rainbow. Sometimes a pipe is a pipe. And a cigar is a cigar. Sometimes it’s OK to cry during Hugh Grant films. It’s alright out there America. Everything is going to be just fine.

                          *The moar you know*

                        • dilettante says:

                          “cut and pasted from blog*

                        • dilettante says:

                          *I assume, I’ve never gotten past the first sentence*

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Well, what do you know…? Boring came back to us.

                        • Avis says:

                          ‘Twas only a matter of time.

                        • The time is now. Now is happening. . .now. *facepalm*

                        • Also, Dragon something you should probably know about ants. downstairs, my house has a major ant problem. Luckily I reside upstairs. Nevertheless, once every 5 minutes or so an ant comes trotting along my desk. First I place a coin or another object in its path. This confuses the ant, causing it to run off in a different direction, but my finger is waiting. I block its path with my finger. It runs in the opposite direction, but I anticipate this. Soon the ant is encircled by pens and other barriers, and if it attempts to climb them, swift punishment is issued. The ant remains in my arena. Then I take my knife, and nimbly place the tip onto one of its legs, holding it in place, then I press down hard and chop the leg off. The ant does not run, it merely enters a craze moving all around wildly. I allow it to suffer like this for a minute or so, chopping off another leg if it appears not to be in pain. Then comes a decision. Sometimes I will wait for another ant, and place it in the arena to see what it does. Occasionally it will pick up its comrade, and run off, but this is an offense punishable by death. Other times, I will merely watch the ant until it gives up. It will stop moving all but one leg. At this point I give in and slice the ant in two, putting it out of its misery. I save the corpses in a small pile, and once I have a considerable stack, I scatter them in my arena. This is where the real fun begins.
                          I venture outside to my back yard and find a red ant. This is my gladiator. I return to my room and place him in among the corpses. He wanders, confused. I do not let him leave. I pound the desk near him with my fingers, scaring him. I toughen my gladiator up until another ant comes along. I place the intruder into the arena. The red ant will go after the black ant, and they engage in mortal combat. If the red ant wins, another corpse decorates my arena. If the black ant vanquishes his foe, he wins the prize of life. I carry him in my hands and bring him downstairs and place him among his comrades. If he put up a good fight, I give him a warriors welcome and feed his colony with bread. If he barely defeated the red ant, he receives no food, only the gift of life. This is how i spent my afternoons.

                          *The moar you know*

                        • dilettante says:

                          GTFO. I’m getting bored just scrolling.

                        • You should try reading instead.

                          *The moar you know*

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Writing is like fish.
                          .
                          You have your extraordinary works; these are the prime salmon and sushi-grade tunas of the literary world.
                          .
                          Then you have good writing. Halibut, sole, trout. Wholesome, good, versatile.
                          .
                          Mindless entertainment is like canned tuna, or trash fish and bottomfeeders like catfish and tilapia. Harmless, but of an unsavory nature.
                          .
                          And then there is…chum. We do not read the chum.

                        • Avis says:

                          What if you don’t like fish?
                          Not to rain on your parade, I just really don’t like fish.
                          I can has reasonable substitute?

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          *sigh*

                          You rained on my metaphor.

                          :cry:

                        • Avis says:

                          I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. If it helps, I REALLY don’t like chum.
                          Chum brings sharks. And Sharks are the things of nightmares.

                        • dilettante says:

                          No, Dragon, you cut him to the quick with your barbels.

                        • Malfeasant says:

                          I don’t generally like fish… but I like canned tuna, go figure…
                          has to be solid white, chunk light is crap

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Heh…I’m actually allergic to fish.
                          .
                          I DO love metaphors, though.
                          .
                          *hugs Avis and dilettante*

                        • Oh crap, look! Sharks! You guys love that chum. Mmm tasty tasty. Nothing like a good chum shot from your pal Mr. Talonsofpeace guy!

                          :D

                        • Avis says:

                          *hugs dragon back*
                          Quick aside, things with the boy couldn’t be better!! I have been introduced to his friends, and have not been found wanting. I guess I can’t ask for better.

                        • how ’bout some batter? *splort!*

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          I’m sooooooo happy for you, Avis!! I wish you nothing but absurd and giddy happiness.

                        • Avis says:

                          *absurdly happy*
                          Awww, thanks!
                          Do you happen to have a harpoon gun? One that can be set for Talons?

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Hmm?? Whyfor? He’s not even here.

                        • TMI Service says:

                          “In companionship and happiness
                          may you be like milk and honey”
                          ___
                          ~ Rumi

                        • Shhhh. . she’s learning!

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          “A pack of blessings lights up upon thy back;
                          Happiness courts thee in her best array”

                          _____
                          ~ Not Rumi

                        • TMI Service says:

                          Fuzz is considering employing a new tl;dr-type posting message (”tl;dr” = “too long, didn’t read”). He’s going to use “lits” — “life is too short” — as a non-reply to unaesthetic, unfunny, or unkind posts that just aren’t worth the bother.
                          _()_

                        • dilettante says:

                          *hug back, Dragon* Sorry I’m late.

                        • “Fuzz is considering employing a new tl;dr-type posting message (”tl;dr” = “too long, didn’t read”). He’s going to use “lits” — “life is too short” — as a non-reply to unaesthetic, unfunny, or unkind posts that just aren’t worth the bother.”

                          tl;dr

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          You’re not late, sweet dilettante. Not at all.
                          .
                          Drinkie?

                        • dilettante says:

                          Have I already had too much? I offended my beloved fuzzy.

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Oh, you have not. He’s holding things (erm…I think mostly himself) against you in another conversation, so…I’m pretty sure he’s not offended.
                          .
                          And I DID offend fuzzy once, and he forgave me. So fear not.

                        • dilettante says:

                          That’s a relief. I want him to hold me against him (again). The coffee was a nice touch.

                        • fuzz on the concept says:

                          *holds once and future dragon with his timeless heart*

                        • dilettante says:

                          Yes, drinkies all around, Dragon. I feel better.

                        • Lolcattus says:

                          Oh, so now I bring in the crate of Vodka?

                        • dilettante says:

                          Crate? Have you been to Delaware or New Jersey??

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          Might be wise, my friend…

                        • dilettante says:

                          You can get one in Scotland too.

          • Kerfuffle Monger says:

            My new name is Kerfuffle Monger. Seems more apropos.

        • Kerfuffle Monger says:

          Yeah, I realize that now. My bad.

  15. dumb says:

    Go back inside lady. Take your meds. It is just a raibow.

  16. ally says:

    rainbows in our sprinklers. how dare the goverment. whats next? ice cubs that melt in the sunlight? our world is falling apart.

  17. WapDooWap says:

    I can read english but i can’t “ear” english! :’( I’m french and don’t understand this FAIL! Whatever I love your comments ^^’