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first
g-g-g-good for you … not
gigitty gigitty gigitty.
What isn’t noted in this picture is that the cop was doing his duty by parking in a handicap spot. This act required a woman to park further back in the parking lot and to get to her destination she used her mobility scooter. On her way in the scooter she drove into a ditch. After a while, and many people looking and snapping photos, she was helped out. She had to drive her scooter up a ramp, that wasn’t even complete, and crawl into the scooter store which, ironically enough, had a sign hanging that said “Walk-ins welcome.”
Complicated explanation FTW
Correction, use of a number of previous fails win.
You are comprised of pure win
This picture is ironic enough.
to kris: boo hoo. every time some whiner like you runs your mouth, i decide to respond to your emergency a little slower. so keep yakking it up!
Idiot.
My husband is a booter for our city, and he has often had to boot cop cars, because – DUH! – being a cop does not make you above the law. Cops have to follow the same rules of parking as anyone else. The lot where he boots the cop cars is right outside the courthouse, and they seem to think if they’re on duty or there on official business, they can park wherever they want, but they have their own underground parking garage that is actually closer. Cops with this god-complex make me nervous for society.
Only problem with that is the picture is on a street in New York city, not a parking lot. And I didn’t know they had ditches along the streets in NYC.
and if she parked 10 feet closer to the store, she would NOT have driven her scooter into a ditch? not had to crawl? not had to deal with a bad access ramp? and not had to deal with onlookers? and not had to deal with the irony?
hint: the answer is that she would have had to deal with all of that anyways.
that all being said, the cop should not have parked at a handicap spot.
Aw-wight!
Right! You are being tazed!
Don´t taze me, bro!
Do us all a favor and say “FIRST” in a FOREIGN (PL)UCKING LANGUAGE from now on. ALRIGHT?! We’ll be more amused if you do. Seriously.
Primero!
一番！
itchy bond!
una
FØRSTE
Furst!!!!111!!!1oneonelolrotfstfu
Didn’t you mean Wurst?
you called?
premier
最初に!
(Apologies if that is incorrect… online translators are the bane of my life.)
ろずさん、 よくできました。
*blank look*
That was ‘Very good, miss Loz’ in Japanese.
Oh
I pwned that online translator!
*Jumps out of rubbish bin and hurls “Winnie the Pooh” dolls, anime swag, and flaming dead babies at Bondfan, who dies instantly from the assault of poor taste, infantile culture and dead baby fire*
「最初に」 fails cuz it’s “in the beginning”. Don’t trust google guys
Look, this ‘dead baby’ on-running gag really isn’t funny any more, so could you please shut up and let the rest of the world get on with their lives?
Thou faileth.
I was actually going to agree. Perhaps it might not be a bad idea to remind certain Failblog denizens that the mention of dead babies might cause a great deal of real pain to some folks in these here parts.
Do these dead babies know how to say “first” in a foreign language other than Japanese or are they as dull-witted and asinine as the rest of you dead baby haters?
“Whom” — have you any idea what you just did? Or are you utterly unconscious in your obscenity?
Eek!
jeezus somone gotta understand the pain words cause
*Proudly presents living babies that are in good health for the crying fail community that winces over mere words*
Mere words? Mere words? Do you have any idea the power that words carry?
.
Words are the currency of our lives, coins falling from our lips and fingers. And far too many of us spend them without thinking, on things that are meaningless or harmful to ourselves and others. Such language becomes bankrupt, until all the spendthrift can do is mouth empty, worthless noise.
.
Those who spend the currency of their lives wisely can accomplish amazing things. Just with words.
Words! Yes, I enjoy them too. I find them helpful in negotiating day to day tasks, as well as helping to inform and educate my brethren. I am a friend of words, you see. But I would point out that in this blog of fail, so replete with the fail that it is, one must expect a certain amount of off-coloured humour.
To the pain!
+1. I’m new but even I didn’t like “crying fail community.” I like these people. they can spell. Do you know how rare that is online? Do not anger the spelling winners. (dk)
(the plus one was for Dragon)
*welcomes dilettante with open arms*
by “in this parts” you mean this little plannet
This tiny, little planet.
Ahem. I’d like to point out that while grammar/spelling nazis are a fun and enjoyable reality in fail-land, content nazis are a drag. You mean to tell me that in fail-land, certain subjects are taboo?
Having said that with the power of mere words: Dead babies. On fire. Lots of them.
shockingly, i agree with talons on this subject. i think it silly that people will pick and choose what they find “too far” in the realm of humor. my grandma died of a rare form of lung cancer, my dad has survived prostate cancer, my mom has survived colon cancer, given these circumstances, it is statistically very likely that i will someday have cancer of some sort. the fact that i smoke doesn’t help the odds much. nevertheless, i can appreciate a good cancer joke as much as the next guy.
don’t take life too seriously, you never get out alive
or… it is better to laugh when nothing is funny than to cry when nothing is sad
I agree as well. I’d like to point out that I never once asked anyone to stop talking about anything.
I merely agreed with Bondfan that a certain subject was unfunny, and pointed out that for some, including myself, it is actually painful.
.
I can laugh at myself with the best of them and I can’t imagine many would think I take life too seriously…I hope I’ve proven that here more than once. And you can go ahead and call me thin-skinned if you like, but I’m not quite at
that place in life where constant reminders of my loss make me laugh rather than cry. I just wanted talons to keep in mind that his words may have unseen and unforeseen (to him) consequences.
.
If he chooses to continue, that is his decision and I won’t say a word. I just thought it was important for him to know that for some of us, this is more than an abstract idea.
This is the most spectacularly serious thread I have ever read on Failblog.
Needs some marshmallow topping, or a fudgey bottom. Either way it’s sweeter now.
um… i like words too. my favorite is “gurgle”. i say it alot sometimes.
Hee…!
My two favorite words are PICKLE! and SPORK!
Is “spork” considered a portmanteau, Dragon? I can’t recall.
The only word that disturbs me is “moist.”
but seriously tho? dragon? must you try to hard
to be mature amongst people in a failblog thread?
must you squeeze cheap respect out those who also
think they are above dead baby jokes? neigh brother..
it is our duty to NEVER let the world forget these obsessions
that the pioneers of internet humor have handed down
to us. III like to believe there is a time and a place for
everything.. and the internet provides us with both of those.
God bless Al Gore for giving us such s precious gift.
oh god spork is a good one. dude. USA is a douche.
*sigh*
Okay, okay. I get it. I fail. Dead baby jokes for everyone, and I’ll try to extort respect at a higher price from now on.
*gathers favorite words to her heart and departs*
oh dear.. i do believe ive gone and made an ass of myself
haven’t i. – 100 points for usa.
Um, USArules, I’m afraid your reading comprehension isn’t any better than your spelling and composition. It’s hard to tell what you mean by “squeeze cheap respect.” And it’s hard to tell why you referred to Dragon as “neigh brother” (?!).
.
But to make it simple —
.
Dragon just told us that she lost a baby. She told us that without being shrill, without calling for “cheap” sympathy, and without even asking anyone to censor their failblog content.
.
She did that as a FAVOR to those who post here who would actually want to be aware of the fact that sometimes ill-considered words can bring unintended hurt.
ahoy. first off I’m drunk.. so maybe the neigh brother
could have just sounded cool to me at the time. BUT.
I do reread what ive said. it it still makes sense to me.
and i did understand what dragon said.
to put what i said simple-
dont ask so much from internet bloggers.
is asking him not people not to tell dead baby jokes going to
make an impact on his life and realize all the hurt he has
caused?
=o NEIGH BROTHER.
why bother getting on peoples asses for a crude sense of
humor over the internet where it will NEVER do an
ounce of good to BE mature to an immature person.
i stand behind what i said.
and dragon. im sorry for your loss. i have lost a little brother
in child birth.. and while it most likely wasnt the same
i have seen the devistation is caused to my mother.
(how do you spell devistation?)
drunken failblogging ftw
getting pwnd by sober points of view ftL
devastation
devastation
Babyboomorangatang goes FTW (which no longer means F#*%ing Third Worlder) WIN!!!
Quoi?
Translate server Error
win! or translator fail….
Dang it! I was going to use Spanish!
Learn another language.
Newb hobby FAIL…don’t worry, I’m sure its just a phase you’re going through.
Pardon?
Whut?
_
Forst
.i li pa
tie-hh’ellaer
Apparently this is Romulan. I would have used Klingon but I was too lazy to find a working translator (the first one in google had an SQL error, and I stumbled on this one along the way).
Actually, that means, “Of the Beginning” in Classic Romulan.
Another explanation: someone got a ticket, was pissed about it, and stuck the ticket on the next available cop car they sw…
Or the cops thought it would be hilarious to put a ticket on their car and take a photo of it…
For every new ticket…..some poor ticket writer looses their jobs. Tax money at work…
That cop failed pretty dang hard there.
Don’t mess with the Meter maid, for she is crabby and don’t take guff from no one.
tottaly unrelated but im an aspireing folksinger
and thirdish
Thank God you’re not an aspiring writer.
tottaly.
(songs for littlun’s maybe?)
I can picture the album cover already. “Songs for Littlun’s”.
yea
With a unicorn and a school bus on it.
How wonderful.
*WARNING! TOXIC AMOUNTS OF SARCASM*
Your sarcasm, it burns us!
I warned you…
It’s like acid…
Whoa…trippy…
Now I see the invisible pink unicorn!
that’s an imposter, the real invisible pink unicorn can not be seen
my phone trips all the time it shws flashing bright colours and random pictures mostly in pink
IT BURNS…IT BURNS, OH PLEASE MAKE IT STOP
Dude, stop burning all the dead babies. It’s a joke gone sour, and frankly, we’re not laughing anymore.
I refuse to acknowledge your sarcasm. School buses are fine. Unicorns fart glitter. there is nothing NOT awesome about that album cover.
Desist, or he shall tante you a second time.
Yeah, and go to Italy and he will so much so you.
Yeah, and then got to France and he will aunt you.
Yeah, and use condiments first.
I hate condiments. Although, if I want to be aunted, I’ll have to make some sacrifices.
*note to self: go easy on the dill and forget the French’s mustard — just stick with the Frenching and possibilities for intimate relations*
I like the thought of being “so much so’d” a great deal as well. oh, well. *buys some condiments*
The word “tanto/ -a/ -i/ -e” in Italian has a kind of flexible meaning, but “so much so” is a frequent one. In the phrase, Vive bene, ridi spesso, ama tanto — usually translated, “Live well, laugh often, and love much” — tanto connotes loving “all” or loving “completely” or loving “so much as is possible.”
thank you! I knew the French but the Italian eluded me. I can’t think of a word in English that’s remotely equivalent to that.
Did the cop just go ahead and give himself a ticket? I mean, wouldn’t another policeman inform him of his violation before giving him a ticket?
Yes, he was schizophrenic and wrote himself a ticket. Happens all the time.
Fedor by armbar. .
What is fedor by armbar?
seriously, what is that? I’ve been staring at this and I have no idea.
Sheds light on the “Fedor by armbar” phenom. I believe this to be a Soviet Russia reference in which a video was made by Fedor showing how to engage in a proper armbar. That is my guess.
Fedor is a Mixed Martial Artist, some say the best in the world. Any time he fights, , he will win, and often by armbar. So, in any fight, an intelligent prediction is ALWAYS “Fedor by armbar” Same with Crocop and his Left High Kick, or Rickson (pronounced “Hickson”) Gracie with either armbar or RNC. There, , you took all the fun out of me posting that and I’m going to have to go find some OTHER random crap to post here.
It was better not knowing.
*IDKY this is so funny … but I got LOLs by the hard to stops … and I offers repeated admiration by osculations*
this offer pleases me! commence.
*adds lots and lots of miration … and some mirrors … and …*
.
Oh sweetheart, you just did me a boon: in addition to risqué asterisking, I also have a fondness for etymologies … and somehow I’d forgotten this one — it’s lovely:
____
admiration … from L. admirationem “a wondering at” … from ad- “at” + mirari “to wonder,” from mirus “wonderful” (see miracle).
ooh, that one IS nice
My favorite has always been monster. ‘The word originates from the ancient Latin monstrum, meaning “omen”, from the root of monere (“to warn”) and also meaning “prodigy” or “miracle”.’
also a man who doesn’t mix up the study of insects with the study of words is good in my books.
Are you aware that in Latin the word for hired assassin is female?
You must be high.
As a long time quiet-my-thoughts meditator, I like the etymological relationship between “concept” and “conceit” (and between “conceiving” something and getting knocked up).
Saying it on every other post means he has Tourette’s.
Uh, , no. . .
Crocop by LHK. .
There, is that better?
…not really.
Rickson by RNC, , and that’s my last offer.
thank you for making it the last
You drive a hard bargain: Nog by GNP!
MMAfightingDOTcom by google
Sweet merciful muppets!
Professor Plum by iron pipe!
(OK, I admit, I don’t have a Clue what this is all about.)
you’re making more sense than the MMA comments. Miss Scarlett in the study with the gun! Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with the rope!
this is what this thread reminds me of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFHlJ2voJHY
Loz in the bedroom with the…
candlestick? at least that’s what it looks like… wait a minute!
And don’t you mean he had disassociative identity disorder? Schizophrenia just means you see or hear things that aren’t there.
Dissociative*
And yes, you’re so cute when you’re right
I thought that was spelled wrong. . grr
Now see, I’ve only been in my psychology class two weeks. I don’t exactly know how to spell it right yet…
Yes, but if I posted THAT, most would not get it because most people don’t know what disassociative identity disorder IS, and when you EXPLAIN it, they just say “Oh, you mean schizophrenia”.
Yeah, “schizophrenic” is often used in popular speech to me “split personality,” but you’re right, it’s more about psychosis. Schizophrenia can include hallucinations, like Rogue said, but it can also just include false or bizarre paranoid convictions — like believing others can read all your thoughts — without any visual or auditory hallucinations. (And there’s also catatonic schizophrenia which is just, well, being catatonic.)
It’s true, , many of the syndromes and delusions that at times accompany schizophrenia are often mis-labeled as schizophrenia itself. I has someone try and tell me what schizophrenia was but they were describing Capgras Dilusion.
you’re worried about people not getting what you mean, Mr. fedor by armbar?
*kisses dilettante all over the place*
… I’m just happy to LOL … and, yes, those are asterisks in my pocket
Ass-terkisses?
*blushes more*
*blush*
YES I AM. . .
Well, there’s a very easy fix, friend…
Not really. . .
*whooooooosh…*
Burnination!
Nope. .
I thought they split up into the Schiz Republic and Phrenia.
You’re a super intelligent shade of the colour blue.
And if he knows the difference between the Czech Republic and Slovakia, he’s likely live in a U.S. state of blue.
Is there a ‘blue state’? It’s cute how they all have little nicknames.
Aw, shucks. Some of the names are pretty cute. But “blue” doesn’t refer to a nickname, it’s about how the votes carry in elections. Red states=mainly Republican voters, blue states=mainly Democratic voters.
Ahh yes, I knew that.
Is fuzz suggesting republicans are ignorant?!
Ouch, fuzz… Some of us Republicans do know what’s going on in the world.
Aren’t you Mexican? Or from South Carolina where the REAL South of the Border resides?
I fully believe that, Southie, but my teasing reference is to the fact that Senor McCain has referred to the “country of Czechoslovakia” three times during the current campaign … when no such nation has existed for 15 years.
Oh, god. I avoid listening to that man as much as possible.
But do you avoid the South of the Border in S.C.??
Well, not if I’m near it…which I’m not.
Wow. I love that you knew that.
I don’t think the cutesy states have color nicknames, Loz, but several have “Blue Birds” of one kind or another as their state bird mascot thing … including Delaware, for which I see the state bird is the Blue Hen Chicken.
Total non sequitur but… Maryland’s state sport is JOUSTING.
.
Sounds like Maryland was quick to be a jest state.
I lol’d. Hard.
Epic tunnel comments FTW!!
Paradoxal Fail?
Justice: served.
lol, that cop probably got demoted
for getting a ticket. they’re supposed to give tickets, not get them
Yes, , I’m sure he got demoted. Best story I’ve heard all week.
maybe he didn’t pay the parking meter
even if he didn’t get demoted, he probably got chewed out by the captain
Or eaten out.
gay innuendo win?
Who says the captain is male? Sexism!
Sorry, Emmeline Pankhurst.
I’m getting too old for this sh*t.
you’re too old for this?
Emmeline Pankhurst (born Emmeline Goulden) (14 July 1858 – 14 June 1928) You must be the oldest gut on earth.
*guy* HA! gut.
Ooops, reply FAIL on my part. I meant that as a reply to Loz’s comment. When I think of police chiefs, I think of Danny Glover’s character from the Leathal Weapon series, who says the line “I’m getting too old for this sh*t.”
yay! fellow lethal weapon fan!
Yeah, they’re great, but can’t touch Die Hard. Number one is my favorite Christmas movie.
Yippie-kai-ho-ho-ho.
Who says the cop is male?
i thought it was traffic wardens who gave parking tikets not proper police officers, so maybe oneday a traffic warden so fed up with not having been made a cop decided he’d get back at the system, he who lives by the rules and all that
Probably just another officer messing with ‘em.
if so, that’s a pretty awful practical joke. though i bet if you put an old parking ticket on your car and don’t pay the parking meter, then if a cop comes along and sees you already have a ticket, you wouldn’t get a real one from said cop
actually that works, I used to do that at work. I used an old ticket for two weeks until it was due and then just got another one. They never look.
I keep an old ticket in my car at all times for just this purpose. Saves me $ .35 a day for weeks…that really adds up over time…to just about the cost of the original ticket.
Or you can do like my ex – take the ticket off a nearby car and put it on yours. They get 2 and you get 0.
Wow, that’s absolutely diabolical.
The cops in my town will just keep adding tickets until you move the car. Or they do it for you.
change the date on it with nail polish remover and you will only have to pay for 1. i learned that on tv
you can also do it with somebody’s old checks. just use nail polish remover to wipe away everything but the signature, but i didn’t tell you that
what channels are YOU watching?!
i learned that on this show called Burn Notice. not sure what channel it’s on. my parents usually record it(now if only i owned some nail polish remover i’d be rich)
Burn Notice:
Your presence here on failblog is entirely at your own risk. You may at any moment be burned alive and we take no legal responsibility for this.
Are you cooking some Kroenen BBQ over here? Smells a little over done.
Well I was, but everyone seemed to disapprove of the style of my BBQ.
I think it’s a highly ingenious design, it allows me to cook each limb separately and simultaneously!
I think it is brilliant.
you’re wasting your time, i am not very tender and i taste very bad
plus, the only way to cook red meat is rare
Annabellie, tell that to everyone who commented on my BBQ fail saying it was pro-Nazi and other such rubbish. Silly people don’t know a good design when they see one!
Kroenen, who said I was going to eat you? It’s just for shits and giggles
Rarely.
i don’t know about giggles but shits is right
Nice.
as a bloke i don’t use nail polish remover, but i would imagine that would make the paper soggy and wrinkly which would surly be noticed
not really, just put a heavy book on it while it dries
I’m thoroughly annoyed. I got a parking ticket last week and I could have avoided it by stealing someone else’s?! *facepalm*
*napalm (pathetically for the THIRD time since no-one notice)*
(pathetically because we all noticed and thought it was ‘meh’ each time)
BondFan will now periodically stop being silly.
too late
Kroenen, on the other hand, we periodically encourage to be more giggles-silly.
What is it that you don’t like about my sense of humour?
nothing, i was being sarcastic. you are very funny bondfan
Bondfan–some of us just like humor that is more…subtle. Cerebral. Clever.
It’s sort of the difference between the humor of Chevy Chase and that of Eddie Izzard. Both men are considered “funny”, but they are vastly different styles.
*plants flag*
Cake or death?
Dr. Heimlich! I had the strangest dream…
I’ll take the hilarious male lesbian in the dress, please.
It’s more of a gesture.
Dilettante, Madam Izzard about? Or am I misconstruing?
you are correct, sir. Hoocha hoocha hoocha…lobster.
and he’s straight, talons. and my boyfriend.
Sexiest. Man. On. The. Planet.
*high-fives dilettante*
I KNOW, right? (Sorry he makes me Valley girl.) He’s the hottest thing since fire. I wish I weren’t taller than him..
HAH! I am too.
.
BUT…I got to see him live in KC a couple of months ago.
.
Yowza!
Oh! Lucky. I wanted to go a few months ago but the tickets were exhorbitant. I should have skipped the mortgage and gone. Instead I watched Dressed to Kill and cried.
“Male lesbian” = yet another Izzard quote zooming over your heads.
hm. you win this round.
*gives BondFan some silly putty*
*waits for Jesus to bring the porkchops*
Watch out for those brain droppings!
At least your tickets are just easily slipped under the wiper. Ours have sticky backs and are stuck to your window.
*covers own back*
Please, no jokes about bending over and sticky backs.
*sticks up for Loz and backs her … making the beast that’s stuck with two fronts*
soggy, wrinkly paper makes me surly, too.
*yawn* Cops get tickets all the time where I live. I think they all hate each other.
It’s probably how they pass notes.
Open one up, betcha it says something like “I just lost the game.”
“Best donuts around the corner.”
“Meet me at 1 to mess with the bums on the corner of 72nd.”
DO U LIKE ME circle YES/NO
“Dude, I um, misplaced my gun somewhere. Don’t tell the captiain, but can you help me look for it later.”
losing your gun is really serious for a cop and it can get them fired because then someone can pick it up and use it and the cop will get blamed
No shit? Really…Well then, can someone help me find my sarcasm tag? I seem to have missplaced it…
well you also misspelled “captain”
Cops can’t spell for shit…
Well, if all I was going to get was shit, I doubt I’d care to spell correctly either.
(Passing notes wont nest below this level)
You also missed your ‘?’.
“Dude, I um, misplaced my gun somewhere. Don’t tell the captiain, but can you help me look for it later.”
They too, are also bad with punctuation and grammar.
I, however, am not.
*sirens* You missed a comma! And it was Dragon’s favourite comma, too.
Damn, damn, damn, and I had thought, for sure, I had used enough.
Perhaps you should’ve used that Oxford comma of yours
Bet you’re wishing you had it now! They’re not infinite you know!
Perhaps I should of….
It’s “I should HAVE” not I should OF….
Really?
Seriously, who took my sarcasm tag again? I really need it today.
—— has been paying any —-edy —-k attention.
T.P.R.F.
*n’t
*shakes head with infinite sadness over the lack of favorite comma*
I truly am sorry. Had I known it was your favorite, I would have been sure to use it properly.
Now I will make it my life’s mission to create the opportunity to use it properly just for you.
*winks at Dragon, whose absence was noted and missed today*
*winces at lexical ambiguity*
We missed your presence today, not your absence.
Awwww…In that case, all is forgiven!
*hug*
yeah, her being absent was no present.
*smooches*
It certainly presented us with some problems.
absentlutely
Empowered her.
Win
You’ve misplaced your dictionary in the midst of all this confusion!
Here, I found it along with your sarcasm tag. I’m not sure if it’ll be any use with Kroenen, though…
Thank you, I had wondered where it had gone.
it’s not my fault sarcasm is hard to detect in writing!
:sits in corner embarrassed:
There, there. Have some bottled water and a fresh veggie wrap, made with all organic ingredients. It soothes the soul.
i’ll take the water, hold the rabbit food and get me some meat that goes moo
He must of had a typo on one of his fail replies — the grammar police inspected their notes … and issued a carefully worded ticket … and took a picture … and posted it on Failblog … and now they’re hiding behind the billboards waiting for us to make typos … so they can make a note of it … and pass it around … and issue a ticket … and take a picture …
*must HAVE had*
LOL.
I trust you got that picture Loz? I was busy writing out the ticket.
Polaroid! *passes round* Have a look, everyone! Hehe.
*looks*
Ah, so that is what failing looks like.
It’s not a pretty job but someone has to do it. Bit like murder-scene photography.
You did very prettily my dear.
Oh well I like to bring a bit of glamour to the job. I find it very important for keeping up the esprit de corps
Although the cleavage can sometimes distract my male colleagues.
They are so easily led astray…All a girl has to do is flash a bit of skin, and *poof* men are instantly entranced.
Is it not wonderful to be a girl?
*drool*
It is truly a blessing! See, we have corey in our grasp already!
i’m entranced most by a gal who flashes a bit of bare soul
*bares soul*
gotcha!
*reels in*
Which is MUCH harder to flash than skin.
When you’re as ugly as I am, you learn to rely on your soul to reel in potential partners.
What exactly does bare soul look like?
I personally am attracted by bare sole.
You cod!
Sorry, that idea really floundered.
…just for the halibut.
soul-baring often most simply occurs in the not so simple process of not doing self-conscious self-presentations
*honest kisses*
I bared my sole in the most honest way I could; with lemon, basil, oregano and some chopped tomato.
Pared with a nice *blush* wine.
Bared?
*blush*
You pare cut to the quick wit.
You cut wit to the quick pare.
… ’cause thick wits I don’t want.
Dammit. I missed out on the cleavage conversation.
*pouts*
sharp darlin’, rest assured you’ll be offered ample opportunities for paired & bared *putouts* with a quickness
Here y’all, take a look at my shriveled anatomy! So shorn, but so peckered with purpuric rashes! I use the flakes as a garnish for my morning cereal. That is my fail. Inhale it. *cough . . choke. . . .gasp. . . wheeze. . .. *
SHORN?
FAIL? (In the singular, I mean.)
Ahh, you inhaled. My apologies. Fail inhale es no bueno.
Did I fail, Dragon?
No, sweets. I was commenting on talons’ comment that this was his “fail”…in the singular. That just seems…wrong.
It does. Whew! That would have been my first fail. It’s too early in the game for that.:)
Ooh…then I won’t mention that you said, “taller than him” rather than “taller than he” elsewhere on this thread!
:p
Oh, no. I will use the excuse that it’s 3 am, but I truly, deeply, grammar failed. I am no longer a fail virgin. I’m a slut, I only lasted two days.
I have posted thrice on my epic grammar fail and it’s not taking…let’s see if this works. I was talking about how I feel slutty since I gave up my fail virginity in two days and glass houses…
I love ellipses for some reason. Don’t judge me, Dragon!
something is off, I have posted thrice and nothing…testing…1-2-3
Oh, NOW it posts. I was saying I am shamed and feel like a total slut for losing my fail virginity in two days. Glass houses and all that:( *I will now buck up and continue my grammar Nazi ways as if this had never happened*
because it’s 3:30 in the morning I get one pass, right?
Hmm, it’s six times now. I was attempting to say I feel like a total whore for losing my fail virginity in two days…I shall try to redeem myself. I’m self-taught and it’s three-thirty in the morning so I’ll not beat myself up just yet:( I’ll take a flogging from you, though…
I’m in an ellipses phase, I’ll grow out of it.
And I didn’t close the parentheses? What is wrong with me?!
Glass houses, indeed.
*flogs*
Now…how about a Cape Cod?
You read my mind.
Cape Cod as in Vodka with cranberry juice and a twist of lime? *Signs up* It may be early-ass o’clock in the morning, but a “cape cod” sounds refreshing and delicious.
… ah yes, the must of fail is in the air …
*sniffs, fumes, and fuzzed guffaws*
Is that akin to eating, shooting, and leaving?
heh. panda with gun.
and apparently not an emo pandering to eat, shoot & score
*Eats and shoots annabellie’s Oxford comma* (Not necessarily in that order).
*Leaves*
Not necessary but not necessarily wrong either, I believe.
Of course not. Merely a personal preference. Rather like vegetarianism… or S&M…
LOL, Loz. Point taken.
Or vagitarianism…
I rather liked the thought of being an S&M vegetarian… I could whip all the potatoes I wished…
And spank all the carrots, too!
…
I would probably leaf the lettuce alone, I can’t handle that much head all at once.
It’s S&M… you have to handle it. Practise makes perfect!
Practice*
In the UK practise is the verb and practice is the noun. :p
Hmm… by that rule, should it have been practice?
I guess so. *accepts self-fail*
*hides the cucumbers*
Good idea, you don’t want to know what I would do to the cucumbers…
*has a peeling idea, nonetheless*
That’s my choice.
did one of you write the wikipedia entry on the serial comma? here’s the example: “To my parents, Ayn Rand, and God.”
No, my mother is not Ayn Rand.
*refrains from making randy mother joke*
Atlas shrugged at mother Mary’s maidenhead.
maidenhead? *touches self*
self-realization? *fountainheads*
fountainheads? *swallows*
Fountainheads?
*Rands*
swallows? *loves Irish birds*
LOL. Aww, you’re too sweet
Actually, he’s quite a salty cuss.
Whether it’s making sweet or enjoying savoring, I try to maintain good taste flirting and to practice safe cybering … by always using a condiment.
*condiment* that’s weak sauce, fuzz
Swallows? African or European?
Well African, obviously… but then they’re non-migratory… *ponders*
Er, um, laiden, or unlaiden?
A laden maiden in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Ok this bush reference is kind of grossing me out.
You must of been confused in the must of irony.
Musk of bin.
I must of bin wheely confuzzed.
It can happen when your having yourself a wheelie good, back-to-back, with-fuzz’d time …
*messages annabellie’s sacroiliac*
are you instant messaging me? or is it more of a time delay punction?
With all those spelling errors, I would think he’s trying to confuzz you into a state of delirium, in which you will have no control over your morals…
Actually, I am rather beginning to believe he is luring us both in with deliberate and erroneous errors.
Well I don’t know about you, but there’s something strangely exotic and intriguing about his errors…
*is entranced*
Please Fuzz, take me. Right here, right now.
*soul kisses Loz’s bare being*
*and raptures anna bellie till she’s an instant believer*
“Oh, I’m in love.
I’m a believer.
I couldn’t leave her if I tried.”
*takes a back seat and practises voyeurism*
I have 2 coronas and some poppadoms (no popcorn), anyone want to join?
Back seat!? You think being bare was meant for someone
else and not for you? Love is out to get us all, methinks. I couldn’t leave it if I tried.
Excuse me, but, are you not currently being taken? Cause that was what I was watching from over here.
*waves*
I wonder who Fuzz is busy with if we are both watching?
*shoots her own erroneous comma*
Well I’m quite happy to watch if you two want to have some romantic moments…
Or… threesome? *extends bare soul to annabellie*
Soulsex is the safest way to go!
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
(He one holy roller … and a spinal cracker.)
*come together … ???*
I will join the two of you but only if we can 43…
a sweet holy roller trinity
*warm fuzzy hugs*
Still better use of time than some of the things they do
“This is no longer a good spot for a speed trap. The pawn shop owner changed the sign, and now it totally rats us out.”
LOL
Maybe they think their giving tickets to people who have suspiciously alike cars.
i don’t think you’re allowed to own a police car if you’re not a real police officer
Sure you do, they sell them at auction all the time.
They just scrape off the police emblem or something.
That’s how the Blues Brothers got their car
well you could always just carefully paint it back on, but i think that the cop in the picture just forgot to pay the parking meter
i’ve heard they use nail polish remover on those cars
ha ha, very funny.
When their wives scrawl “F*CKING CHEATER* onto the windshield with nail polish?
L*L
*o*
You should live in sovietic russia for sure.
That doesn’t look like a ticket to me. BUT I HOPE IT IS!
Naw.. it’s not a ticket. It’s a flier from the doughnut shop.
I thought it would be one from the Tazer store.
You’ll be shocked at their low, low prices.
My husband once got a ticket from a bicycle officer for riding his bike on the sidewalk, whilst the officer was riding his bike ON THE SIDEWALK! My husband argued that because the officer had had to ride HIS bike onto the sidewalk to issue the ticket, it should be null and void. He lost.
plus, when they are catching speeders, they ALSO speed.
they also blow through red lights all the time.
How inappropriate and messy.
So that’s the etymology of red light district.
You make me lol…!
*ashamed of dirty East Coast slang*
i once evaded a police officer on my bicycle… he was on a motorcycle, but i knew the neighborhood better
im kinda picturing a disgruntled ticketee (that is now a word because i will it to be so) taking the ticket off his (or her) own car and placing on the cops vehicle as a means of protest. leastway id totally do that. yeah yeah i know id still be responsible for it, but i think it would be worth it for the reactions.
You said “id” twice. Are you a psychoanalyst?
Or perhaps a wizard?
^ now that’s comical
Now that’s funnies.
yes here i sit behind my curtain, in the emerald city cursing the day i decided punctuation was unnecessary and thanking the gods for spell check.
and i think I’D get a few reactions, i mean someone took a picture of it here, obviously they got a reaction.
No, but his ego ducked into a phone booth, changed into a superego, then flew away, leaving his id all alone.
i’m willing to bet there’d be no reaction, i’m sure you’re not the first to think of it. Something like working a callcenter job where you’re required to ask at the end of the call, “is there anything else i can do for you?” and the caller says, “yeah, have you got the winning lottery numbers?” or “a million dollars?” or “fix the damn problem!” when it has already been established that their problem is with something else other than what you have control over… –deep breath, begins meditating–
MY ROFLCOPTER STILL GOES SOI SOI SOI SOI
I still have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.
I just shot down his ridiculous roflcopter…. whatever the heck that is.
Thank you, Mister Mexico.
That sounds like a song.
Here’s to yooou, Mister Mexico.
Jesus loves you more than you will ever know.
Whoa whoa whoa!
Hey, thanks. I have long desired to have a song written about me.
What about the ROFLCOPPER?
grounded — got too many tickets
(none of them gold)
Why is this a fail?
The police can break the law just as much as we can.
Infact, they are, obviously, expected to be MORE law-abiding than everyone else.
He probably parked his vehicle where he wasn’t supposed to.
Which, since he is supposed to be more law abiding, since he is an officer of the law, since he blah blah blah ZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
A swing and a miss. . ..
Oh, sweet irony!
Yes, yes it is sweet.
Mc Hammer rules. Tunafish sandwich.
Yea!
lolz
this pic was taken 2 blocks from my place. i go to the pharmacy in the background all the time.
DRUG ADDICT!!!!
Photo-copped?
cool, greyroberto … now check out what you just inspired on Banana Fail from yours truly (should be at the bottom, in flattering imitation of this ‘un)
Is that seriously what a parking ticket looks like in NY? That’s huge! It looks like a freakin netflix envelope!
That’s what I thought it was at first, too…
[Trump]
That ticket’s huge! ‘UGE!!
[/Trump]
omg some idiot just put ticket from own car, in to police 1, yes maybe it’s a FAIL, but an epic WIN for dude, who put this ticket there… doh
Happens more often than you’d think, especially if the cop has to drive out of his jurisdiction to testify in court or some hearings. In my fair city of Atlanta, for example, the mayor decreed that the previously acknowledged “professional courtesy” of allowing other jurisdictions’ police vehicles to park without paying the meter to be abolished, and they started to ticket cop cars parked around the county courthouse that did not feed the meter.
Why should it be noteworthy that a cop car gets a ticket? Is it assumed that cops have immunity to commit offenses?
Cops do have immunity. In my home town a cop was speeding in his patrol car at dusk, without lights or siren and while not on a call, and ran a stop sign and hit a kid on a bike. Killed the sixteen year old and all that his department did was make him retire, with full benefits! After three years of the parents raise hell they finally went to court, and the judge took away the cops pension. That’s it! He then went and got hired by the county, as a cop! He now patrols the the same town as part of his area, just in a county car instead of a town one.
and justice for some
I am from the same town and remeber reading about it, and I’m pretty sure the kid had it coming, so you can’t really blame the cop
you’ll have to elaborate on why you think the kid had it coming…
Actually cops just think they have immunity. If you approach the situation the right way you can really make their life hell. Just wait until you see one doing something really stupid, call dispatch, ask for the traffic supervisor, give car number, location, and complaint. They should live up to their motto of “protect and serve.”
lolz. a ticket, for a person who normally writes the ticket! how silly.
229th! YES!!! Damn those “first” dorks suck.
Did you actually COUNT your post’s position?
LOL
Why has no-one said ‘masturbates’ yet for this stream?
*masturbates*
gongratz u were the first idiot to do that
here, i’ll be the second one so that cymraig won’t be alone
:masturbates:masturbates:masterbates:masterbates:masterbates:
I totally LOLd on this one.
This is so a win in my book.
YEA! It’s SO nice to see that cop cars can’t ALWAYS get away with shit!
…
How the hell did that happen?
wow, so much for enforcing the law…
ahahahhaah his penis is stuck in the copier!
This is a WIN
JUSTICE!!!
HA HA HA!!!!! FINALLY
When they said they were going to ticket everyone… they weren’t kidding.