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Cheezburger Network Blog
first?
die
IM IMMORTAL
OBLITERATION!
Oh thanks, Insanus. My burn was perfect until you butted in.
See insult below.
Yeah, far from perfect, buddy. Nice try though.
i agree.
i want to walk in to this place and say “hey, can you make me black?”
that was about as funny as dane cook
OH SNAP
NO YOU DI’N'T MAKE NO JOKE ABOUT DANE COOK BECAUSE THAT IS FUNNY AND MODERN AND RELEVANT AND TOPICAL AND EDGY AND CONTROVERSIAL
fool.
?
don’t worry dude, your burn sucked. so, like… nothing was ruined. all is well.
So Internet Messaging really is immortal.
No, just really pesky to deal with unless you have rock salt and a wooden stake.
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!!
[sealab 2021]
There can only be NONE!
[/sealab 2021]
Can I marry Adrian Barbeau?
It’s Adrienne Barbeau…but I heartily wish it were legal for two men to get married. I don’t understand why it’s not. You should be able to marry Adrian Barbeau if you are in love.
If ghouck is lucky, maybe he’s Candian … or Spanish … or Californian … or Massachusettsian … or Norwegian … or Belgiumian… or Hollandian … or Spartan during war time. We can only hope for his happiness.
Indeed! Right, the internet is GLOBAL. Must remember. I hope he’s Spartan during peacetime.
Belgiumian? Hollandian? Is this like the Guamish? or Guammi Bears?
*nom nom nom*
I’m sorry, did you say something? I was enjoying these delicious Belgiumian waffles…
Or British
So far no comments that have anything to do with the picture.
I shall kill you
I think you to are going too far. I suggest tazing would be the worst punishment for crying ‘first’.
*two
lol at self correction fail
Well, Me, most people could tell which word I am correcting. Unless they are missing half a brain.
Don’t get too worked up
This isn’t the only person who is “wrong on the internet”
Someone is WRONG on the interblag!
No Bondfan,
I fail to see which word in that sentence you could successfully replace with the word ‘two’
Err… to? As in, ‘you two’? As in, ‘Gorgonzola and Detlef’? That clear enough?
Fine, but if tazing don’t teach ‘em, just don’t get in my way……
Alrighty.
*Stands back*
Don’t stick your foot out to trip him either. It’s not gentlemanly.
DON’T TAZE ME BRO!!!
Don’t say “First,” bro! Don’t say “First”!
…And in other news, RogueThree became the first victim of tazing on this thread. He said first twice, so he got burnt twice.
*writhes in pain*
Hang on, I said fi-
AAAAAAAAAGH!
*Twitch*
*holds a marshamallow over BondFan* Can someone turn up the ampage?
Mmmm. Someone being tazed. *masturbates* *twice*
Just think of it as an electric stimulator.
In your pants
I like cookies
So if I were handing out cookies and I said ‘form a line for cookies,’ what position would you want to be in line?
first
Second to last, that way, if zombies attacked, I would only have to outrun the slowest person.
BUT THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK
*tazes*
I MEAN NUMBER 1
first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first
That was a lot of effort for not a lot of result.
tl;dr
Please don’t taze me, bro!
don’t taze me bro.
*tazes hello*
You’re too late by about 27 minutes!
why don’t all of you fail bloggers rent out a Holiday Inn in Baltimore and write each other things on paper, then pass it around and critique each others spelling.
And how! I’m tired of scrolling through 100 comments to find a comment about the blasted picture.
There are pictures here?
I thought this was just a forum.
Did a funny thing happen to you on the way here?
*can’t figure out how Holiday Inns and comments about trying to find a comment are connected to Laser LipoDissolve*
hmm. a paradox within a paradox. Redundancy Department of Redundancy prevails.
all wrapped up into an enigma by a great reversed name, Batman!
an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a vest.
All of which are vested within this comment.
And that’s the story of how the West was worn.
And of how the nest began.
*other’s*
*consults piece of paper*
yep, that one was misspelled
I debated on whether it should be “other’s” or “others’” but came to the conclusion that “each other” is singular. like “anyone”. *just had crisis over whether the period goes in or out of the parentheses* *concluded it’s not part of the parenthetical statement*
*ok now having pabst-induced nerd identity crisis*
ANYWAY. move along.
Nerdy is cute.
Just sayin’.
Pass the beer?
here you go!
*hic!*
get tipsy enough, you will confuse quotation marks with parentheses! they should put that on the pabst can.
*’castle’s, New, — Brown Ale … and toasts the diligent English dilettante and the singularly singultus English prof*
singultus! *hic* mmmm. Newcastle. or at least Boddington’s.
*doesn’t know Boddingtons (and admits to not knowing “singultus” until just now — seeking a sophistic synonym for “hic!”), but loves me some Samuel Smith’s, in pretty much all varieties*
*sic!*
Ooh…a little help please?
*sic!*
their oatmeal stout is godly. Boddington’s is a creamy ale and has a widget in it to keep it tasty. It’s also called the “Cream of Manchester”. which makes it better than it sounds.
*ignore period*
Ooooohhhh…yummmmmmm.
*glug*
I’ll help you Dragonwriter! you can cure the hiccups by drinking backwards out of a glass and if you fall downstairs just latch onto the person next to you and blame them…
*thus!*
*helps Dragon latch on*
*thrust!* … whoops, I mean … *sic!*
*?!thrust??!* (sic)
*!* (hale yes and hearty feelings)
Just gimme another beer, plz.
you can have the last one.
i bet when we scroll down we’ll find some more …
but that will have already happened in the perfect future.
for now we have these nicely hearty feelings & godly tasty sips from one another’s intoxicating
*nite nite kisses for my pretty witted friends*
Ew! Newcastle Brown Ale is vile. My brother is at Newcastle Uni so he’s developed a taste for it. *retches*
*kisses fuzz good night* *feels better*
Red stripe… BOO CREEPY FOOT DOCTOR HURRAY BEER!!!
EPIC EPIC WIN
I assume you’ll be there?
firsting turns me on
*masturbates*
*masturbates*
SILENCE!!! I KILL YOU!!!
Fat Pockets indeed
Too many Hot Pockets lead to stubborn fat pockets.
Good one! [If I may]
Too many Hot Pockets lead to two stubborn fat pockets.
And to tutus.
Fat pockets and tutus do not go so well together.
Et tu, tutus!
I lol’d!
Thank you. The first I have received. I shall treasure this lol.
Killed it -.-
Oh, c’mon. He lost his lol virginity right here in front of everyone.
Well when you put it that way
.
.
.
It’s just creepy.
Never picked you to be such an exhibitionist Shadow.
[amazed]
Are you serious? I’m the biggest exhibitionist in the room!
[/amazed]
*masturbates his lol* I am still a lol virgin. At least as far as I know.
Actually, I never told anyone this, but I lol’d when I read your paradox comment above. I didn’t know I was your first. I mean, you should’ve said something. Look, I’ll call you sometime, ok? Oh, and, uh, what was your name again?
Wait, you lol’d at my joke without my knowledge. Does that constitute “lol rape”?
When you show up wearing a name like that, it’s not rape — you were clearly giving me the green lol light.
La la la lol light!
You killed the conversation, for that, YOU MUST DIE!
Sorry. The garment that I was going for is muʻumuʻu, but I was picturing elephants in tutus.
It is apparel to us all that you quite have a fantasia life.
Were they elephants or hippos? I honestly can’t remember now. Off to YouTube to see if it’s there . . . . .
They were hippos!
There were elephants too, but they were nekkid.
So, if I’m less than 20 lbs. overweight, this brand of liposuction will keep me the same weight but make me black?
Well, black is a slimming color.
And, from what I understand, if you try it you’ll never go back.
Pshhh…. tell that to michael jackson. Hehe
Have you ever seen Micheal Jackson fat..?
I rest my case. lol
Sorry I don’t know any “Micheal”s.
I know a Michail, but he was ex -president of Russia. Gorby, they called him.
“Micheal” is an Irish name (sometimes written “Mícheál”).
“Michael” is comes from Hebrew, and can been translated, “Who is like God?” (El is one of the Hebrew words for “God”).
“is comes” is a fuzzlation
TMI, dude.
Now there’s the Fuzz we all know and love.
*sits down to watch “Hot Fuzz”*
Hehe
:p
*masturbates*
Pops some new popcorn to share for the movie.
Truth be known, and warm cheeks notwithstanding, I am not a real fuzz myself — I just play one on Failblog. And while I never knew Jack Kennedy, and haven’t even seen the movie, I can tell you, senators, I’m no law enforcing Angel.
Actually, fuzz on the concept is more the flirtatious bodhisattva than he is the arch angel. (But, speaking of popcorn and other entertaining metaphysical entities, he got a kick out of Shaun of the Dead. )
Would you take me by the hand
Can you show me
The shine of your Japan
The sparkle of your china
Can you show me
Manjushri smiles and takes you by the hand,
and says, “Dear boy I’m gonna make you understand …
the inherent insubstantiality of all compounded existents.”
when I look this up I get Lola, which I expected, and “dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane meningoencephalomyelitideses …” which I did not.
No one ever expects the Tibetan antidisestablishmentarian contemplative deconstructionists!
I *know*, I know you can’t. I didn’t want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there – stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! … our chief weapons are surprise…blah blah blah.
[Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack]
sorry just watched this on the beeb and I know it upside down
begin at “I know” and it’s a total quote
¿
if I knew how to make the big-eyed emoticon I’d be a happy girl. the spanish question is kind of spanish inquisition. que?
So…are you tying me to the drying rack or not??
YES. immediately.
˙uʍop ǝpısdn ʇıʞs uoɥʇʎd ʇɐɥʇ ʍouʞ ı
¿ʇɔǝdxǝ noʎ pıp ʇɐɥʍ
HOW DID YOU DO THAT
And then the comfy chair.
no comfy chair allowed! I steal your beer and tv.
sıɥʇ ǝʞıן
urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
*still has dragon on drying rack* someone let her down?
*snork*
of course you can come down. *hugs* but fuzz clearly did not go to kindergarten, like me, because he does not know how to share his upside down codes! not sharing is a disease. you are henceforth commanded to share.
I no-longer-teasingly but still-smart-assedly posted the urrrrrrl for the upside down text maker … but Failblog delays posts with complete urls in them. So here it is again (just needs an h and a tt and a p and a : and a / and another / in front ) –
.
whatsmyip.org/upsidedowntext/
you’re a panda.
… and i was also helping Dragon all that time with my other hand … but somehow it, ah, wasn’t making her dry …
stop that. nobody’s dry, it’s friday night.
i cause some panda moanyin’ sometimes
Bwhaaa haaa haaa
Locattus nose alla bouts it
touche.
Who is Locattus? A relation of Lo Pan?
I’ll help with Dragon. Together now, one, two, five!
whatever he is, if he uses titty panda code he can write upside down.
damn, did I let her off the rack?! what was I thinking.
Five is RIGHT OUT!!!
And…um…how about you strong, strapping men help me out a bit more??
(You ladies can help me by fetching me another beer, if you’d be so kind!)
Oops … I was watching that French Borg guy on TV with my other other hand and got the kitteh speeling mixed up with the Fangs and Pythons.
What happened to the vodka martinis?
*hic!*
Um…nuffin. Why?
vodka martininis are silly. beer’s where it’s at. though I hate the preposition at the end of that sentence. I have no idea what the Borg have to do with fangs and pythons but i’ll get you another beer dragon. we have plenty.
heh *martininis* plus comma police alert
FINE!!! *Takes her Vodka and goes home . . .
Did that fine fetching gal just ask for a strong strapping?
I thought she just done got untied. Or did I drinking mixed that up, as well too also¿
lolcattus! I did not know you were a girl or liked vodka! I apologize and we will make v&k’s when it gets warm again. or now with some diet coke.
DAMN. There goes one fine nose for lols. I’d like to sink my … whoops I jus know there’ll be red faced fuzz if I say anything about fangs and pythons now …
Erm……
Methinks I’ve had tee many martoonies.
stop that. nobody’s dry, it’s pandaday moanin.
how about a vodka cran and a vodka soda? I love both of those.
late late late! probably cause I’m not dry.
oh lolcattus. come over and we’ll watch the lost boys and drink vodka crans.
I’M SO THERE!!!
I’ll bring the limes.
also Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, my favorite movie, is on in an hour. we can totally invent a drink by then
wait, you did say “limes”?
Yes…for the vodka and crans! We can make Cape Cods.
Cape Cod
1oz. Vodka
Cranberry Juice
Lime Wedge
In a Highball or bucket glass with ice add vodka.
Fill with cranberry juice.
Squeeze Lime and drop in the glass.
Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom…
(¿ɯou)
dilettante, Dragon seems to think it’s perfectly normal to end a sentence with a preposition. Let’s get her back up on that drying rack
We’ve been over this; it is perfectly normal.
That old dried out preposition proposition was an ungermanic prejudice never grammatically germane, and is something up with which we need not put.
Here’s one linguist’s recent discussion of the issue:
itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/002485.html
Ayup. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with ending a sentence in a preposition. I’m an English professor. I know these things.
You can also start a sentence with “and” or “but” now! *gasp!* The heresy!
Lol fuzz, I only mentioned it in jest. Didn’t mean it to be taken seriously.
Dragon, a good friend of mine recently got a degree in English and I realise that’s far off a PhD (which I assume you have), but I find it amazing how often I have to correct his spelling and grammar. It’s a good thing we have editors because he wants to be an author!
my fuzzy vision canon all us judge
just jesticulation from unjust testy moanin’
No you have it the wrong way around.. I’m Irish.
Michael is the Irish spelling.
Micheal is the Hebrew spelling.
No, you’re SomeIrk.
Micheál Ó’Súilleabháin is Irish, Mícheál MacCoisdeala is Irish, and
Micheál Martin is Irish.
Michael is God’s Hebrew Archangel.
no no… מיכאל is the Hebrew spelling
and … ʎǝʞıɯ ʎǝʞıɹɔ … is the Australian spelling
Win
Mícheál is indeed the Irish spelling, pronounced mee-hawl.
*feels good to contribute*
“yes, I’ve been black, but when I come back you’ll know”
rofl!! slimming color
Bravo! You have great comedic fashion-sense. A nice sequins of lines there!
It seems you also have a fashionable sense of humor
It also seems you have a fashonable sense of asskissing, Admiral.
Admiral, dinna fash yesel’ aboot the troll. To him I say:
Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizen;
‘Tis just the fashion.
I think he be transformed into a beast; for I can nowhere find him like a man.
*admires admiral apparent’s apparel and aptly bardy references*
LMAO… ow… lol… ow my sides. <3
I hear this brand of liposuction is popular with white middle-class teenagers who listen exclusively to gangster rap.
I wonder if it will imbue me with the ability to dance and increase my penis size.
Only in America…
Yes. This only happens in America.
KFC= Kentucky Fried Cellulite
Possibly the most disgusting comment I’ve ever read on failblog. Congratulations.
Why, thank you you’re too kind.
Doesn’t make it any less funny
Are you serious? o_o
Why so serious?
We’re serious. :[
Srsly.
Orly?
O’reilly?
F*cking thing sucks! We’ll do it live! *expletive stream continues*
Don’t block the shot!
There was a hilarious youtube remix of that little episode that he had. I didn’t believe it was him at first, but i was laughing hard by the end.
Haha yeah, I saw that. I barely even know who the guy is but it was hilarious.
No, I fly into Charles de Gaul
I go between Heathrow and Narita.
Sounds kinky!
Sounds British.
British 3some?
Uh uh, baby, you can’t touch this.
I guess not, my virtual arms are not working properly =/
STOP! Hammertime!!
I like the sideways hammer-walk xD
I got hit in the head with a sledgehammer, so now I bleed from the eyes when I laugh.
WoW better than hammertime!!!!! SledgeHammertime
I just loled so hard my stomach hurts.
Ya rly
*poke*
You pay!
We’re serious. :[
In soviet Russia Poke pay YOU!
TAKE ME TO SOVIET RUSSIA!
Take me down to the Soviet Russia city where the grass is red and the kremlin is pretty.
I lol’d
Why so serious?
Side effects may include:
Fail
pubic hair loss,
dorito tongue,
encephalopathy,
vagina.
clean underwear?
Melanism…
negativity
Smoking laser holes.
disillusionment,
lip o’ dissolve,
sickle-cell anemia,
I lol’d. hard.
afterimages,
tighty whiteys,
Anus and Nose Diarrhea,
New Genes
Insanus post diarrhea,
stubborn ass,
wishing you were white again
instant 20 lb. weight gain
Milkshakes that bring all the boys to the yard.
masturbation?
(shaves knuckles)
you know nothing
Sudden inexplicable rage towards ear muffs and/or people wearing ear muffs.
sudden urge to suggest “earmuff diving”
developing a potato dumpling, drunk Buddha-body
A sudden love of My Chemical Romance.
Mad support for George W Bush
Dammit, reply to the original post like everyone else!
Sorry, my fault.
*Walks off guiltily*
it’s ok BondFan, we still love you
BDS FTL
Mudkipz,
wow. i absolutely googled that, and it’s funny. side effects may include mudkipz! ahhahah
the ability to use the N-word without fear of death
Whoa!
leaking with an oily discharge,
not replying to the original post,
dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, water retention, painful rectal itch, hallucination, dementia, psychosis, coma, death, and halitosis. Magic is not for everyone. Consult your doctor before use.
Thanks for ending the comment stream, jackass. I had some good ones, too.
having some good ones,
*masturbates*
Grammatical failure.
all of the above
born-again shingles,
feminism and/or homosexuality,
hyperhedonia (possibly related to the homosexuality),
rape
adding comments,
salty ball juice,
DANGIT. Not replying to the original post…
M. Bison
Anal fissures,
Yeah it’s real but nobody here has it.
Somebody has it.
I found her! Now where’s my reward?
side-effects… what side-effects??? *masturbates*
masturbation,
masturbation,
eh? doubleposting fail…
side-effects include doubleposting
revitiligo
Boondocks reference win!
chuck norris
An exploding ballsack
you poor thing…
interracial marriage,
Eyes popping from sockets and dangling for a while before finally they fall to the ground.
a worn-out scroll wheel
listening to Dr. Phil’s advice
gigantism,
death,
An unexplained desire for fried chicken
First!
Ahahahahahah.
sudden toe fetishes,
uʍop ǝpısdn ƃuıɹɐǝddɐ ʇxǝʇ
dude… how did you make the upside-down d????
*rofls hard*
He didn’t, he’s just from China.
Bending over effects,
Squishy Bones
pool closure,
That’s odd. Surgery makes you become white like Michael Jackson, and laser makes you become black?
It doesn’t make you ass smaller, that’s for sure.
What about laser surgery?
It apparently changes your undies!
Nah, it just burns out the pigment in them
ha, and into you
What you think I’m black because someone got lasered?
Well I can tell you I’m as white as the KKK, although I do not share their opinions
Triplets! That explains all the K testimonials!
You’re as white as a Finnish grocery store?
But abstract thinks he’s as black as a Starrt grocery store.
*she
thank you
wait, what?
Is you is, or is you ain’t?
qui? is i female, or is i think Gorgonzola is black?
female i is, presuming race, i is not
Perhaps Gorgonzola’s gender is German.
I meant gender, not race. This is a blog, what matters race?
Gorgonzola ist commt aus Deutshcland?
*Deutschland.
Greco + French => Italian
(the Gorgon is from Greek; the Zola is from France; the cheesy is from Italy)
Greco + Roman => Wrestling.
Nein, Gorgonzola kommt nicht aus Deutschland.
Wrestling + Subtlety = Judo
kommt*
)
(for BondFan
Whoops! I had my second ever German lesson yesterday.
not you personnaly
just you abstractly
4th
this would only make Sir MixAlot Happy
That says maybe, all I know is that everyone else now wants you dead
proper use of the english language fail
Indubitably, he mangled his sentence to produce gibberish.
BondFan!!
nice to see you today
Yes sir, that’s my baby.
No sir, don’t mean maybe.
Yes sir, that says maybe, all.
May I inquire of your random singing?
fuzz loves you too, but not as much as I do.
Hold it. Hold everything. Fuzz, I may be extremely rude by asking this, but may I ask what gender you are?
男
Oer, that, er, poses a problem with abstract’s statement. Unless she meant that you, ‘liked’ me.
Not that I’m homophobic or anything.
Fuzz was singing in gibberverse to Gorgonzola’s “That says maybe.”
Not that he’s nippophobic or anything.
I beg your pardon!
That was racist, quite racist. You do not say ‘n**po’.
TMI, that really was TMI.
Erm…isn’t “Nippon” (日本) merely Japanese for “Japan”??
Am I mistaken in this?
Nope-o.
fucking homophones.
BondFan, are you still here?
What, sir, do you have against the Gibbers and their historic and culturally distinct language? I bet you’ve never even been to Gibberia!
I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
The woman is the same person!
This isn’t a weightloss plan, it’s a tanning one!
They burned her ass with the laser? Nice…
and it only took SIX SECONDS!
THATS WHAT SHE SAID LOLOL
*Also causes minor skin discoloration.
*Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Free tanning with every lipo procedure!!
I wouldn’t call that ‘tanning’.
This is exactly why I sit outside tanning salons and cry. It’s funny to me
LOL, dropofkim, your reply looks like a work of real genesis.*
____
*Not that there’s not anything wrong-headed with that.
multicultural win?
I’m the sex comment!
Well you know what they say about the guy who talks the most about sex…
?
Nice arse.²
laser lipo dissolve? maybe they mean “Skin burning process”
HA, this just further proves that they don’t use the same model and do actual before and afters.
Yes, but couldn’t they just have used photoshop like everyone else to make her appear more slim?
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
oh, is that so?
I’d like proof of this
What’s up 2005? It’s been awhile.
yeah hey how ya doin’…
WTF, who took my chuck norris facts?!?!?
Ahem. I believe you have my ‘[year] called. It wants its [out of date thing] back’ joke. I don’t want it back though, could you just shoot it in the head?
1995: The year of the apostrophe.
Chuck Norris is afraid of his reflection.
Blasphemer! Chuck Norris fears nothing!
agreed!! Chuck Norris!!! that’s my battle cry
What about meeting an army of his clones who subsequently attack him.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can crash the twin towers with a paper airoplane.
He could slaughter an army of clones. After all, they’re not *really* Chuck Norris.
Touche
I stand corrected
Like Jango Fett, but in reverse.
Boba kicks Jango’s ass any day of the week.
8th!
You FAIL
you fail harder
Thats good coming from the guy who failed to say 1st and so decided to fail by saying 8th.
Think before you type, and bring evidence to prove your point, lest you fail again
um, what??? i was #8 to post….what kind of proof do you want. seriously, just joking arround here, chill…
p.s. not a guy
Just watch, Gorgonzola up there will count the replies as posts.
If you have nothing more to contribute than the position of your contribution just don’t contribute.
We don’t appreciate having time for your type around here.
f— you, hard in the a–. get a life
or just die, that would be fine too
I would like to point out that Gorgonzola does feel the need to contribute yet more type to something s/he feels is a waste of time. Merely not replying would be more effective. If that is the goal. Obviously it’s not my goal.
Gorgonzola smells
This much is true.
I love you guys Avis and ripple!
*pokes head into thread*
*gives Gorgonzola a big, fat raspberry*
*hugs everyone else*
Gorgonzola also goes well with wine and crackers
*hugs Dragon back*
Been working? Are the students receptive today?
They were! I have a good batch of students this semester! They’re eager and energetic and funny. I almost dread having to grade their first papers; watching their faces go from “shining hopeful” to “ooooh, shit” when they get that first grade back is heartbreaking.
hi, Dragon *hug back*
That is what they’re there for, no? To learn from their mistakes.
Yup. But it can be painful to watch them struggle with those mistakes. I usually end up with at least one or two students weeping on my desk after that first paper.
It’s worth it, though, to watch them produce work they are really proud of at the end of the class!
*gets busy studying, fearful that Miss D will kill him*
It would just be a little death…
My teacher’s a bitch. Is that you?
No.
In Soviet dog obedience school, teacher pisses on you!
You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!
(To Gorgonzola, not abstract.)
Evidence on the interenet? Where is your evidence? For all I know you could be abstract!…
Wait… YOU arbitrarly posted 8th without any proof and then asked for proof to prove your posting needed evidence. Tricky…
lol! I add First! to my list of those I love
Yeah!
The absence of evidence is not evidence of an absence!
Objection! How are the evidence and this statement just now related?
Marriage?
i have photographic evidence, but i plan on using it to extort abstract.
extort, how about exonerate
i’m not sure what you’re talking about. the picture i have is of you and a horse.
? ok, weird
expeditiously?
he has now exaserbated the situation
Exponentially!
equinamorously
Um…. this is…. really big horse?? This word, I do not know it. And that perplexes me.
For Avis’ equanimity:
Didn’t some sausage guy just get banned for exaserbating too much?
*exaserbates*
*can’t take it any longer*
*exacerbates*
*can’t take it any longer*
*exasperates*
Look at that wooden thing behind. Doesn’t have the same color neither, which means that the pictures have different color balances…
Gee do ya think? Go on, tell us more, we need this explained to us.
I could go for a Cookie right about now…
nice much?
Is that what less than 20 lbs over weight looks like? Yikes.
Ironically enough, this FAIL likely to have less masturbating than any of the previous 50 FAILs posted.
Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!
no, eeewew XP don’t do it!!
Pictures of fat pockets get you off? Ick.
But, to each his own, I guess.
Literally…
*snert*
I’m not saying it gets me off and I’m not saying that it does.
I’m just trying to keep an open mind…….
Pick a fold…
lol, gross, seriously
I wont fold, but I’ll raise 20
*thinks of [I]lasering[/i] fat-pocket folds*…I’m ALL IN!!!! hahahahah
[i]italics??[/i]
You love sat. I love lamp.
what can you do with lamp? saturdays are the best!!! SERIOUSLY, what do i use to do italics in this kind of text?
maybe this?
no one can actually show you, it’s something you have to learn for yourself.
look deep inside yourself, and you’ll see the way.
After that we might teach you the secret FAIL handshake.
But you have to go a loooong way before we teach you the
♬ ♪ official Fail Song ♪ ♬ .
And I’m not even gonna mention the Fail Poker Game.
♠ ♣ ♦ ♥
*get’s back to Texas Fail ‘Em with Dragon*
I’ll see your 30… and raise you a failboat.
Straight flush, beyotches.
Cheater.
Tsk, tsk. Such unfounded accusations you make. I just was ridiculously lucky is all.
T’wasn’t unfounded…! I saw the card up your sleeve. :p
*grumbles obscenities*
Gay flush, card down my beritches!
right? more like 60lbs or maybe more..sad
I would like to point out (and maybe its obvious), but all they did was invert that picture with Photoshop.
lol, not quite, but if it was a joke, that was pretty funny
I would like to point out, that you are very wrong about that. Look at the pics a little longer and use some critical thinking.
Nice try though.
No. no, not invert — dodge and burn.
It turns you black? I’d be worried my ass’d get bigger with that whole ghetto booty phenomenon.
It doesn’t turn you black, it burns your skin.
Daltonic Ad Designer!
J’lo before, J’lo after? WIN!!
J’LO SUCKS
quite.
j’lo sucks who?
What’s all this hatin’ against J’lo? I personally have no problem with it, and I find the strawberry flavor quite tasteful.
I like giallo jello.
mmm… *masturbates*
It’s an illusion… Thats actually the total opposite of Michael Jackson, Fat, White, and then Black.
Subliminal Mind Control, they are trying to undo the life of Michael Jackson.
Also, is that really less than 20lbs over-weight?
Everyone should be able to tell it’s two different women. I mean look at it, the first one is wearing a one piece bathing suit, the second one is wearing a two piece, other than that I don’t see any differences. So it had to have been taken at different times.
The space between thier legs is different, too.
Bend over and I’ll show you the space between their legs.
In Soviet Russia Chuck Norris sucks you.
That sounds really frikken painful, actually.
Chuck Norris is gay?!
If you’re doing it right…a little sucking is nice. It’s right up there with nibbling, humming, and that thing you do with your tongue that I love so much.
I deny all sexual relations with jluve82.
hey, do you live in Japan?
Not you, you. I’ve never met you.
I mean men in general. Girls just can’t get it right.
no, I think I’ve got it pretty well figured out
Oh, really? Please do tell.
well, I am certainly not going into graphic detail here, but everytime, i’m the best they’ve ever had.
do not pervert this…
Someone already did. Don’t let it bother you.
I’m not gonna pervert it, I’m just curious. I know I’m pretty damn good, but I’ve never met another girl who is.
I’ve never had a complaint.
I must have just come across the wrong ones then. Female Cunnilinguists unite!
Hmmmm… I seem to have misunderstood something here. My BOYFRIENDS have never complained. Sorry about that.
Oops, LOL. I’ve never had a boyfriend complain either. ^_^
yes, i speak of men also as i am female…
Yeah…somewhere I think you both became confused. I am female. I have yet to find another female who can do that thing with their tongue to another female. Does that clear everything up?
*pulls out popcorn*
Ok, keep going.
Crystal. You can do most of that to guys too. They seem to enjoy it.
I always just assumed a mouthful of cum was an indication I was pretty good. Am I wrong?
Famous quote: “the next time you get a really good blowjob, remember she had to suck a lot of dicks to get that good.”
Hey, as long as she’s STD-free, I don’t care what or who she did in the past.
Besides, some of us just have a natural talent. ^_^
If he were he would probably litterally suck your dick off. of your body.
Ah. Lovely.
*MASSIVE SARCASM*
hey, still here?
Sarcasm? From BondFan? Well I never thought I’d see the day…
Have you ever considered getting liposuction on your massive sarcasm? It’s effective for dissolving those stubborn little pockets of snark.
lol
never mind what would happen when he shoots his load. i bet it’s buck shot.
rofl!
Well, SOMEONE gets shot.
Truth in advertising win… it specificies it only works on SMALL pockets of fat.
Maybe the colorchange was a bonus?
mmm… extrange Lipo that switches between skin color and underwear color.
as the saying goes. If you have a slave you can paint them any damn color you want.
BondFan, have you abandoned me?
I must say farewell for the weekend..to all.. We do not have this great invention of internet in my castle as of yet. I bid you all adieu untill Monday.
*slaps abstract*
That’s my parting gift for misspelling “until”
For goodness sake, Shadow…slapping a woman like that!
At least use the herring. :p
“Is that for your brother?” Morticia asks Wednesday, upon catching the little girl with a carving knife. She takes the knife away, chiding, “I don’t think so.” Next, Morticia fondly hands her daughter a much larger cleaver to be used instead.
Isn’t that cute.
OMG.. it’s the reverse Michael Jackson treatment. Turns you white to black.
hilarious
woah. The underwear and the person switched colors. O_O
i like tits they have better holes
BURNT BUTT! Laz0rd…
Did anyone realise that?
LAST!
nope..sorry
LOL gay
First?
Fail… miserably
extremely misreably…poor ian…failed at failing
You can’t do this with Nin-ten-do! Genesis DOES!
Micheal Jackson weared those kinda shorts that time.
i believe its wore…and how would u know what he wore..and which time? did he molest u too? (i cant spell)
Racial Fail.
negroplasty win
again ?
omg it changes y from white to black!!!!!!!!
….Wait. I can be black finally? BOO-YAH! SPORTS FAME, HERE I COME!
The second one looks like she was toasted
Looks like they had the laser turned up just a little too high!
Uhhh…. so, laser or injection? product description fail