Burn of the Week
About the Burn of the Week
Every week, we will be highlighting a retort and one or two runner-up retorts from the comment section of failblog posts. To nominate a comment, email failpictures+burn@gmail.com
Burn of the Week
From the Semantics Fail post.
Runners Up
In response to Phone Fail and Honking Fail, respectively. Congratulations to K for this amazing achievement.
Based on your suggestions, we will be implementing a voting system starting next week where YOU decide who the winners and runners up are from a list of several nominees. As usual, nominate a comment for the burn of the week by emailing failpictures+burn@gmail.com.
how many emo kids does it take to change a light bulb?
F*&K’em, let them cry in the dark.
what?
hahah nice
Because that was completely relevant with the picture…
yuu so angwy cuz yo pikture looks like your emo lol owned
though I see where you’re coming from, you hardly owned him.
You must be one totally cool guy.
Yes.
Either that answer or this one:
Two. One gets to change the light bulb, while the other gets to write a depressing poem about how he misses the old one.
My answer three. One to change the lightbulb, and two others to maintain an in-group exclusivity to the light bulb changer, who now has NO friends.
6.
1 to change the bulb,
4 to follow the dead bulb as a shiny new metaphore for how life is pain,
and 1 to reject their new doctorine because there all a bunch of conformist twats anyway.
Now where’s my book of crappy death poetry…
I choose choice 14.3. All the emos tear down the light and make it a deity to there pain. Some guy comes along, changes the bulb, and walks away. The emos wallow in anguish, cutting themselves to death while screaming badly written poetry that somehow rhymes “pain” and “blindness” with “light bulb”.
ROFL
i fail to see the humour… uh oh. i’m the only one who isn’t amused by emo jokes.
Cry some more, emo kid.
:’(
Five. One to change it, four to start an emo band to whine about it.
how many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
3, 1 to change the bulb itself, and 2 to write a poem about how much they miss the old one
Dude, did you not see the same shit up there already?
11. the first 10 will kill themselves
Freakin’ WIN.
3.
One to change it.
One to write poetry about the sadness of the other lightbulb dying.
One to cut himself on the shards of the old lightbulb.
They don’t change the bulb, they just stick their fingers up the socket to get out of their misery.
Emos never see the light. The lightbulb is in their mind…and it’s blood red…with pain.
How many emos does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they all just sit in the dark and cry.
Stop the hate !
emo is moe.
why does everyone hate emos?? i am always called emo myself, even though i am NOT, and i really dont see why people are so mean to them
as a brad pitt fan, i can understand why people are mean to you.
WIN.
16
one to change it
15 to post comments here, pretending there not emos
“Stop the hate !
emo is moe.”
Actually moe is emo spelt wrong
Moe is the dyslexic emo who lives down the street from me. sometimes he sells his soul to santa.
WIN!
Hey kid, dont worry your little emo heart about it. Just walk down to the store and buy yourself a nice candy bar and I promise you will feel all better.
in your dark room.
ooh chickaburn
No, I agree. Some how MTV and Hot Topic got together and decided that goth would now be called emo and every moron in the free world who had never really heard of either blindly accepted it and talk about it as if they knew what they were talking about. To people in the know they sound ignorant as f*ck, kinda like a racist. I can see the responses to this now… “Uh-oh, looks like we got ourselves a nigg… errrr… I mean, emo-lover on our hands! String ‘m up, boys!”
Except that goth and emo are two separate things that, yes, do share some
stylistic similarities but are completely different in philosophy…
…and people still actually watch MTV?
What is MTV ?
Where can I get an MTV?
I want my MTV.
HUGE win. Rotflmao q.
MTV is the channel your parents blocked on TV.
I could really use an MTV now since my dog left.
vaginas are always ewwy ccaca in da butt i said what what in the butt
I agree, but that doesn’t change the fact that Emos/Goths are douchebags.
you know them all do you?
I actual know some really cool Emo kids. Just because you know a few, x-bert, that seem to be douchebags, it doesn’t mean that they all are.
My l and y ran off together.
ours too?
i like emos. you’re just mean.
just becaase we act and look different doesn’t mean you can take the piss out of us, it is shits like you people that make their lives a living hell and i don’t see what is so funny taking the piss out of them, they are just people.
Go cry, emo kid.
Maybe emos/goths think preps, jocks, other people and x-berts are douchebags.
Hmm, just a thought.
You know, we are all people.
What does choice of clothes, beliefs, and hobbies have to do anything?
Whether you life eternally or burn in hell.
Emo is just goth with ties.
It’s probably because you are Emo.
EMO Definition
http://graphjam.com/2008/05/16/song-chart-memes-emo-at-the-intersection/
I though it was none, they’d all rather sit in the dark and brood? Brood, sounds like chickens… I wonder if they lay eggs?
Win
Four.
The first one, named Wonder Mutt, asks someone to do it.
The second one, Jackie Pancake, says they would need two more people.
The third one, named Talonsofpeace, walks in and says they have the right number of people. Then he realizes that if one goes to change the lightbulb, there will only be two left.
So, he calls his friend, Nytshad. Nytshad comes, then one of them goes up and changes the lightbulb.
The end.
Trying too hard to get Burn of the Week on the Burn of the Week comment thread fail.
Oh, sorry, was I supposed to put fail in caps? I’ve forgotten the FAIL rules.
*facepalm*
longest fail description WIN!
Name FAIL
really….Name FAIL
well if I think about it…maybe it’s just an avatar FAIL… :-/ I’ve got to ponder upon this *ponders*
come on!
please kill yourself, k thanx.
If K was there …
and she was emo …
would you offer K emo therapy?
Omg…will you please have my cyber-babies?
DRAGONWRITER! ::masturbates::
Ok…as honored as I am to have a masturbating fan on the blog, you only get one *snork* for that. :p
You know that you have acquired immortality when…
Did ya know ReTARDIS that every time you masturbates, god kills a kitten.I’m just thinking, call an emo “kitty”.Then masturbate. Will “it” die? If yes, i’ve invented the ultimate and the most enjoyable weapon against emo-s!!! call an emo kitten and masturbate here if you agree!!!::masturbate::
You’re a kitten! *masturbates*
Is this some new interpretation of the Schroedinger theory?
No… no, put an emo in a box and it doesn’t matter if the gas went off or not, it’ll be dead when you open it -_-
See, the wave form duality is canceled out when the object is observed, and since the emo is in a perpetual state of self observation… and pity, it will never reach the cloud of potential… just a cloud of juicy blood tears, and it’ll be all your fault.
That made me weep joyful, joyful tears.
I love you
the thing is, most ppl know diddly squat of the Schroedinger cat thought experiment
YOUR COMMENT FALLS UPON DEAF EARS!!1
*extends his hand* welcome to the wikinet; we know ALL!
Hooray! A fellow Wikipedian!
Hey, it’s Beakman! How’s Lester doing?
He’s going well, except for the fact that he hasn’t taken a shower or even gotten out of that rat suit for years. We’re experimenting on his assortments of molds.
Zaloom!
* Sorry, it should be “doing”, not “going.” I’m a scientist, but not much of a grammarist.
Schröders Cat WILL DIE !!!
Schrödinger*
No Schroedingers cat is neither dead or alive. It also is dead and alive.
That is neither here nor there.
I am nowhere a somewhatness for anyone.
(Buddhist saying)
It all depends on how long Schrödinger left his cat inside the box inrelation to the supplies of food, water, and air, minus the total surface area of all holes in the box times the pressure differential of the air inside to the air outside, of course taking into account convection currents and the time space flux capacitor singularity inductor event horizon time rift.
Your avatar looks like a green “+”. Or one of those crosses.
your avatar also looks like one of those crosses.
Wait, Schroder had a cat? I thought that he only loved his piano…
Peanuts WIN
(at least, i think it’s not stupidity…)
arrg! the smiley strikes again!
*masturbates*
If you called God a kitten,he’d kill himself once you masturbate,does that make him emo?
…..you stop dying
The Emo’s greatest fear…
I only died one time.
That’s what she said.
i die every day, le petit mort baby yeah!
orgasm win
Those are some killer hands you’ve got, there.
oh these old things? *blush*
Don’t masturbate then or there will be dire consequences.
Dude…your avatar is like…a shuriken/Swastika combo. That’s almost sexy enough to make me WANT to touchyourmonkey.
THATS, what she said.
But it was a little death.
*masturbates*
Ooh! I have a posse of masturbating fans!!
Now if I could only find a straight, single, male one….
LMAO! Well, I’m bi, but I’m not single. (Yes, I said I was gay in the other thread. What I say depends on how I’m feeling that day…or the direction my fingers decide to go.)
bisexuals ftw! *high-five*
YAY! *high-fives* Or is it: *low-fists*
*O-fists*
high fives ftw! *tri-sexual*
So you do boys, girls, and animals?
Bisexual? Does that mean you use both hands? I’ve got to try that.
You can’t seriously mean what you just said…
with the normal level of intelligence here? i wouldn’t doubt it.
No. He uses hands AND feet.
Dexaan, THATS what she said.
i don’t think two counts as a posse, so i’ll join in to help validate, even though i’m neither straight nor single nor male…
*masturbates*
Awww…! That’s so sweet of you!!
I’m male, straight, single, and might even marry you if you were pretty enough.
To further your posse: *masturbates*
Hum. I think “pretty enough” is pretty subjective, akshully.
But I have a GREAT personality!
Personality is what matters in my opinion.
opinion fail!
You’re mom had an opinion fail. That’s how you came to be.
I’ve never failed with your mom. Mom win!
Oh, really? My mom tells me that you’re a worse fail than these “burns” are.
*head explodes*
*head also explodes*
*picking up pieces of brains to make stew*
Brain stew Mmmmmmmmm
So he didn’t give your mum burns?
Remember the basic rule of FAIL, fail is always CAPS
Crooked double hermaphrodite.
yeah, it’s a tough life. it could be worse, i could be triple.
Go f@#ck yourself lesbo! u r an ass hole in the making, just don’t stick your dick up it. you are probably Emo too. here’s a sharp knife!
^ trying to win the Loser of the Week award
Loser WIN!!!!!1!
With so much Masturbating going on in here, you’d think that the cat
species on Earth are pretty much extinct by this point
Nothin’ wrong with that.
;__ ; yes there is.
crap i’m crying over cats, does this make me an emo kitten? *dies*
stop masturbating people please!
How can you masturbate other people? I thought it meant that you were doing it to yourself. O.O
I thought that if one diddles another as one diddles oneself, that’s masturbation, also. **shrugs**
That would be called Molestation.
“Hey baby, masturbate me.” ….I’m not really feeling it in this context. (Double entendre SUCCESS)
i didn’t mean stop masturbating other people, maybe there should have been a comma after “masturbating”. ;]
Nah. It should have said: “People, please stop masturbating.”
You all just like saying “masturbating” waaaay too much.
Of course we do, it’s a fun word. *masturbates* *then cuddles dragonwriter*
There’s always some com-ma after I masturbate.
Awww.
*huggles Tiamat*
Maybe I should have done those two actions the other way around. Now I have white stuff on my hand and it’s getting on your back. O.O
You get that on my dragon tat and you will see some serious
*FOOOM!!*age. :p
It’s on the other side.
*bows* @ Killerwit
If you stop mastubaing, people will stop dying.
or *masturbating*
Whats the opposite of masturbate? o-O
:O
It’s a kitty! *masturbates*
… so… what happens if a kitten masturbates?
then the kitten has successfully gone out in a wonderful rendition of let the good times roll
then a grue dies!
If a kitten masturbates, a person dies. >_>
Survival of the fittest win
joke of the year fail
@ “If K was there …
and she was emo …
would you offer K emo therapy?”
THAT’S MY O YOU SONOFABITCH! SHANNANIGANS!
Along with their Jewish mother — who’s fine, btw, she’s just going to sit in dark.
It’s only me. Really, I’ll be fine.
you need 5 because the room has only 4 corners ^^ then 4 emos get in every corner of the room and 1 can change the light bulb xD
(//.o) <– i hate emos
if 4 emos got in every corner and 1 changed the lightbulb, you’d have 17, not 5.
emos hate you too.
Emos hate everything.
It takes a special person to love an emo…
E(l)mo knows where you live…
Do you know this because you’re really E(l)mo?
Oh – I don’t know. I thought Rod Hull was pretty funny at times.
<3
how the hell would you get 17.
at most 8 you numbnuts,
even then how the hell do you maintain a sitting position while in the air in the upper sorner of a room.
so in space potentially 9.
and i say infinite, they all climb the ladder and miss the top step because their hair is in this eyes, falling and dying.
over.
and
over.
and
over.
and
over.
and
over.
and
over.
{//.o} \m/
– U
Emo rocks
You obviously can’t count. Or multiply for that matter.
In Emo Math, everything equals zero.
Win.
EPIC WIN
EPIC WIN {//.//} <– Dead emo
but if its a standard room and four of them were super emo kids with spidey powers, youd have nine, right? but what if there was a door, or if you were in hot topic changing a light bulb???
Arithmetic win
i wish my grass were emo so it would cut itself
i have never heard that witty one-liner, or any variation thereof, in my entire life.
well done!
the ‘well done’ at the end makes me believe you’re not using sarcasm, so i would have to say you haven’t been out in a while.
accualy, that 1’s pretty obvious. i got sent it by an online friend who was being creative as (s?)he could. lol.
If there was a witty post of the week nomination. I would nominate this one.
Are you sure you can’t rephrase it so that it is “burn”?
Yes. (Hehe.)
If you were my grass, I wouldn’t have to cut you, because you’d cut yourself.
I actually think that was a burn towards emos… or maybe towards grass.
you don’t need emo grass if you’ve got immigrants to cut it for you
I highly doubt if someone logical hired immigrants that they would have them cut the grass. I mean, they’re cheap and they’re usually hard workers. Sounds like a good deal to me. Except for the fact that I’m not into illegal aliens.
touche.
i like my aliens legal as well.
the illegal ones make me too nervous.
i’m a legal alien
One that has way too much in common with me. *masturbates*
you love it. you know what they say about imitation and flattery!
Of course I do. Nothing like meeting a random stranger, who somehow turns out to be me as a female. O.O
OMG! I forgot! *masturbates*
OMG! i think the laws of the universe temporarily started to collapse there.
*masturbates*
although, isn’t it pretty weird that you’re masturbating over a female version of yourself…
Nah, what’s weird is that there’s a female version of me out there.
yeah, keep the emos to change the lightbulbs, keep the immigrants to the lawn! it all works out.
Old.
Like your mom.
/win.
“mom” joke = automatic fail.
your “reply < “mom” joke
LOL^2
Her mom is the nicest guy you will ever meet. So, get off her back.
(You could mess up her back hair)
Ah yes…but how many lightbulbs does it take to change an emo kid?
Enough to burn their hair and skin, so that they don’t have that weird haircut and can’t cut themselves anymore?
erm…
emo kids… means nothing…
i think you mean depression, not new wave/punk kids in skinny jeans..
research before you write
By a chance, are you emo?
And it’s ‘nu-wave’ ;p
emo means emotive/emotional hardcore. Dead genre of music. I guess it’s not a coincidence hat you’re on failblog, because you fail at life.
Coincidence hat? I want one!
Invalid Question
Emo kids are incapable of doing Basic human task, such as change light bulbs, washing dishes, and living.
Whats the dif between emo and homo?
Homo’s arn’t depressed about being gay…
emo is soooooooo super dooper come on people think about it, if the emo kids changed the light bulbs, then they could change the world too, maybe even change the universe? when my son grows up im defo getting him into emo and he can become one of the most important people on the planet and write songs that will reach and inspire millions. now as for u sad twats who write comments on here all the time?! come on please, have you ever ventured outside?
NONE. They’re kids. They should call DAD
One. He removes the light bulbs, do you think he’d replace it?
2nd answer: One. He does not have anuzer.
None. The new bulb will just die anyway.
DONT MAKE FUN OF EMOES,THEYRE PEOPLE JUST LIKE US BUT,UH,SADDER.
lol
I believe as an emo kid myself I can answer this fully and accuratly. It takes one friggin emo kid cuz we dont need to “cry” this joke isnt funny at all.
How many inbred hicks does it take to come up with an emo joke…Nobody knows, they can’t seem to say anything but “DUUUUR” and they sound like Helen Keller…
How many emo kids does it take to skrew in a lightbulb?
None. Emo kids can’t even FIT in a lightbulb.
hmmm where do u live i want to show u how we realy use knives
“Nice ome” was better : P
And Special-K goes for the WIN!!!! YAY!!!!
yeps, K’s was a scream
My… penis?
oh so modest
*AAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!*
I don’t take a CRAP out of it…
(don’t pake my carp)
yep defo
second
Seconded!
Moved … oh … so moved.
First Lack Of Comment!
more like first lack of humor…
C’mon, there were better ones than these.
Then… nominate them?
Sorry, I thought you guys picked them.
how do you nominate them? because i have to say, there were indeed much better ones. one thumb down.
Send an email to failpictures+burn@gmail.com. You can either link to the comment, or take your own screenshot of it.
Hell Yea I am nominating myself because I have way funnier ones than that.
abuse of the power of anonymity…. short-term win, impending fail.
Just like the way you live your life.
At least he has a life.
And your THE one to speak about having a life? *rolling eyes*
I meant that “your” on purpose.
Clearly I have a life since I have been able to talk about it in other comments and threads. I haven’t seen any comments from you that allow you to say the same.
Commenting on threads all day long is classified as a life to you?
Yea you’re really living it up, buddy.
*shaking my head in sadness of you pathetic life*
If it was all day long, I would have been posting during the morning hours, which I haven’t been. I’m just using this as a way to pass time as I wait for the day I leave for college to come.
Please stop I am not your therapist. I don’t care about your life. ok!
Then quit replying to my comments. If you really didn’t care then you would shut up yourself and stop trying to make it look like I don’t have a life.
Guys, can’t we all just have sex?
Dude call 1-800-I do-suck for the help that you need.
Trust me, you don’t need my help to sound like a loser.
I refuse to dial your number, cee cee. Now move out of the way. *cuddles fuzz*
::masturbates::
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmk…
Why is my comment a scrollbar?
Watch out fuzz that one is a clinger.
And my number is 976-lik-2suc thank you very much.
Quit getting in my way! *glomps fuzz*
(Look glomp up in the urban dictionary if you don’t know what it means.)
Like you, sweet cee cee, he’s a youngin’ and a bit headstrong. But he kisses very nicely (also like a certain cee cee I once tasted). Y’all should hush your fussing and join K in some mmmmk …. scrolling the bar … back and forth … in and out … mmmmk.
Of course I’m clingy. I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t clingy. I’m also very emotional and my bonds with anyone, be it a friend or someone closer, have proven to be almost completely unbreakable. My favorite color is green and my aura is blue. (Yes, I believe in auras.)
Good Lord I’m not even mad at the youngin. He probably
got me the “Burn of the Week”, so I should say thanks,
Tiamat Ruler on a job well done.
Fuzz I didn’t know you went both ways? O.o
ORGY!!!!
DUDE again with the life story!
You remind me of that character on Monkey Code….do you
play with your sword too.
Dude, just shut up. You asked for it. If you didn’t want to hear it then stop talking about my supposed “no-life”.
Ok ok I will leave you alone….it seems like you’re about to cry anyways.
Guys, can’t we all just do something more fun with our mouths and fingers?
You’re just nasty…. and you know I love that.:D
FUZZ!! *huggles*
Sorry, fuzz, if I get emotional. My high school life was horrible thanks to my father. I’d rather not talk about it, though. So I’m going to end this comment right here.
OH THANK GOD!
Why do you keep replying to my comments? I’m not even talking to you. People like you are the exact reason why I leave places like failblog. People who can’t think about anyone but themselves. I get emotional and talk about myself, so what? It’s part of who I am. I think the best way for you to get me to stop is to stop answering my comments.
Don’t you think that maybe I am enjoying this….torturing the hell out of you.
Ruler, can I call you Ruler……thanks.
I like you and you are fun to play with.
It would never work between us. I’m sorry, I’m just not the type that likes “torturing”. It gets me into my emotional state, which I do not like.
How would know that it won’t work? I would be gentle the first time.
I don’t want to know what you call “gentle”.
Playing hard to get are we? And you do want to know.
*slaps* I said no.
OUCH! now that’s how you do it. I told YOU you wanted to know.
*kicks in the balls* I said no god dammit! Now go fuggle yourself. For your information, I am taken. *leaves you stranded in the middle of Canada*
First I have no balls and second I don’t live in Canada.
But that does explain why you are so sensitive (CANADIAN).
You’re taken? Do you mean you have a crush on FUZZ?
Fuzz and Ruler sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
I’ll ignore first because you sure act like you do.
About Canada, I don’t live there, I just typed the first place that came to mind.
Yes, I am taken, but no I was not referring to Fuzz. I have a boyfriend.
For your last part…that would be wonderful.
Pssst…Tiamat…he’s hawt, too!
Really? *masturbates*
Mmmm I must see a pic fuzz, please.
Eww Ruler don’t play with yourself so out in the open. And don’t touch me with it!
You wish. I would never let it touch something that hideous.
I thought you were a good person…..but you’re really mean.
I am a good person. When you’re not trying to molest me.
Your such a evil person….now you are accusing me of molestation.
Well, you accused me of having no life, so why can’t I accuse you of molestation.
DO NOT MAKE ME PULL THIS THREAD OVER!!
Actually you accused me of not having a life first.
By the way are you a guy or girl?
*cuddles Dragonwriter, forcing her to pull it over*
Where is the pic of fuzz? Dragon you made me curious, please show me.
I’ve already answered that question, cee cee. And that may be so, but you turned a small joke into a big deal.
Stop being so serious. I was joking with you the whole time.
Who ever said I was serious?
You never said if you were male or female?
But if don’t want to tell me it’s fine……I will leave you now.
Night night , Ru Ru
I’ve said it in other comments, though. Not to mention that Fuzz called me a he.
And I’m not “Ru Ru”. Sounds too much like Winnie the Pooh. (Or as my grandfather says: Wienie the Poo Poo
*sigh…*
Do I hear a sigh of pleasure because of my cuddling skills?
jesus, i’m glad i was asleep for this epic thread.
am i too late to join in the cuddles?
“I’ve already answered that question, cee cee. And that may be so, but you turned a small joke into a big deal.”
From what I’ve heard it is a pretty small joke…
Detlaf, you are now Kitten. *masturbates*
No, loz, you’re not too late for cuddles. *cuddles loz*
It’s NEVER too late for cuddles!
aww yay, 3-way!
Yay! 3-way time! 4-way if fuzz decides to show up. *cuddles loz and Dragonwriter*
have been anxiously following this thread, hoping it gets better. seems not. unclear on the sequencing as well. wondering what happened to the emos…….
*cuddles*
damn Ewoks….
“Every week, we will be highlighting a retort and one or two runner-up retorts from the comment section of failblog posts. To nominate a comment, email failpictures+burn@gmail.com”
Right underneath the picture. Reading fail.
NIC!!!
*hugs*
Captain Obvious?
More like Captain Oblivious
Whoo!
Great joke! No really ha ha ha ha ………………………. no I’m not done yet….. ha ha ha
How?
Email a link or screenshot to failpictures+burn@gmail.com.
Failblog. . . . reposts easy to follow instructions. Failblog fail? Win? Does it matter? Do you know what colour mine eyes are?
Just catering to people’s inability to read comments and/or posts where the burn email address is listed twice.
You don’t really expect those of us with failing eyesight to actually read the fine print?
right, us failblog followers can only read the word “fail” (and any comments attached to said fail)
I suppose this is next week’s burn.
Yeah, I just nominated it.
I think you should nominate my burn of your burn. Or would that collapse the universe?
I think they should post actual burns instead of comments that make me think “How the hell are these burns?” when I read them.
what’s wrong with k’s burn?
It’s smart, simple, pointed, and hilarious. I’m guessing that 95% of the population won’t like it for those very reasons.
Yes.
OMG! It’s a burn! It’s a…oh wait…I think my perception of burns has been tapered with.
Your penis has tapered width.
i did a lol
Cleanup on aisle 3.
Now, now…it’s not the tapering, but what you DO with it that matters.
My guess is if we keep responding to potential burns with “BURN!”, that that burn will not get listed for Burn of the Week, either as a winner or a runner up.
Taper? Burn? I’m incensed!
I think you mean incest.
No no…he’s waxing lucent and lighting the candle of wisdom. I suspect he lives in Tallow-hassie.
K, in all honesty, your burn was quite funny. Funnier than most of the fails posted here, actually…
Perhaps burns are subjective.
No, there’s more fine print covering that eventuality:
Failblog employees, their families, pets, microscopic parasites,
and bodily fluids, are prohibited from entering contests.
How? *killer smile*
I read most of the comments to every post. I do, however, have a soft spot for “lonely grammarian” burns, so if that ain’t your cup of tea, nominate something else.
My donkey threat wasn’t funny enough?
Darn. D:
K ruled it this week. Way to go.
A 2K marathon.
A marathon is much longer than 2k. Race distances fail.
Oh, shit…I wanted to watch the MacGyver marathon, but I don’t have 42k 195m of time to spend on it. I only have 2k of time.
Not if K is there, and it’s her turn to burn two burns. (Hell, she was even there at the millennium’s turn turn — they even named the damn thing after her.) 1 K 2 burns, sallowchin, is the Y of the 2K. And you’d best be hanging on to 1 KY, if you’re not going to keep your distance straight with a killerwit.
*head explodes again*
Swallowmen or whatever your name is, Fuzz just K-Owned you. I had to tell you, knowing you wouldn’t get his reply either. Fool.
Yay K!! Gratz
burned burn of the week…
to the ER stat!
Well done, K…
K FTW!
your comment sounded rather ominous…
Oh shi, you’re right.
“Well done, K… Come to my house for the after-party…”
“…if you like, we can cut off each other’s genitals, fry them with garlic and eat them. or not, ykno, whatever you like”
Canniballs?!
I think it’s an Emo/Swastika BBQ combo.
Roasting NUTS over an open fire……..nothing says a get together better
than that.
Well, if it’s loz’s “genitals”, then you’d have to say: “Roasting CATS over an open fire…”
Or you could accomplish the same thing by masturbating. *masturbates*
They make big splashes.
So do I when I mastur…*masturbates*
<3
>3
K, get down wit your bad self! SUCCESS!
I hope that was a typo, Killerwit….
No, I chose to use Ebonics for that one word.
Sorry folks, but “yes” hardly constitutes a burn, much less a burn of the week.
No?
Perhaps.
Yes. No. Perhaps. You guys have all the answers don’t you?
42.
How many roads must a man walk?
before you call him a man? about 300 i’d say.
He needn’t walk, it’s easier to hitch-hike. Yet more dangerous.
Vogons hate hitch-hikers.
lol. hate that book.
you have no sense of humor then
oh yes, that must be it. completely logical answer. thanks
all right, i didn’t think of the possibility that you’re not old enough to understand enough of the words in it.
“hate that book.”
Guess you’d better leave your towel at home then.
hahaha. i guess so.
i didn’t actually hate it, i just didn’t follow it properly so i got lost by the end. my fault.
So long and thanks for all the fish.
OMG! Your avatar is a Swastika!
but it’s the ‘good’ one that points left, remember?
Apparently reality has been jumbled around a bit. No the word “Yes” is a burn.
I forgot to mention the word “No” no means “now”.
Oh crap, mine’s a Star of David!
LOL, let’s get him, boys!!
Oy ve!
Religious Symbols FAIL!
Well, yours is a reverse-Swastika too!
we did point this out in the bbq thread! aha
What do you get if you multiply six by nine?
The age of the prostitute you slept with last night?
Oh. Didn’t know your mom was that old. Well…old but gold
That’s not really a burn because my mom is that old. Well, 53, but that’s close enough. That’s not as bad as your 19 year old grandmother.
hm…being a good guesser FAIL. What do you get if you multiply
42 by the 42nd root of the 42nd root of the number of comments
on failblog.org from November, 21, 2007?
I just wanted to add my blue icon to the nest of other blue icons.
Yay! Blue icons ftw!
Me too!
Another cube in the tray.
Killerwits icon appears to me much clearer to be a swastika. The evil one.
It’s not evil, just tainted with. Kind of like the meaning of “Burn of the Week”.
Did someone say blue icons?
Yes
42!
(If you haven’t read the book, don’t bother answering.)
ahem … aaanon … if you haven’t read the thread …
don’t bother trying to make a Prefect comment
Sorry for the inconvience.
Elevators temporarily stairs.
props for the amazing reference. RIP, Mitch.
if you don’t know exactly who i’m replying to, don’t bother saying anything
Jeopardy FAIL
this has nothing to do with jeopardy
raelalt: You guys have all the answers don’t you?
Killerwit: 42
[wonder mutt: How many roads must a man walk?
Ineverfial: What do you get if you multiply six by nine?
{you could add: "The question is: What is the question", quite similar
to jeopardy, eh?}]
aaaaanon: 42!
Your IQ!
What is 147?
If you don’t know, your IQ must be low.
if you didn’t get why he phrased it that way, yours is even lower
What’s the best thing about sex with twentyeight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!!
(works better spoken)
Creepiest post on the page (so far) win. Running a daycare fail.
His name IS “Pedobear”…
I died laughing.
In retrospect, my previous comment looks really sarcastic… But I actually did laugh a lot.
So, what are you saying? You actually did laugh, but you don’t think you’re really dead?!
Are you even stoned?
She ate the brownies too!
I think both her comments are sarcastic.
No! Dammit, how can I talk myself out of this?
I don’t think you can. You may be able to type your way out of it, however.
K use your K-Gyver instincts to get out of it…..you can do it. (me talking to the monitor like an idiot).
I will be awaiting the next episode with popcorn in hand.
K…it will take drastic actions to get yourself out of this one…
I’m afraid you’re going to have to…pake your carp.
*worried look*
Just say: “The joke would be funnier if you used ‘twentyone-year-olds.’”
*Ahem*
gah, where do you get it from!
i hate you killerwit!
Happiest ending?
999 is the number of the australian beast!
humor fail
or the american beast, if you’re in australia
How ab-original of you.
thanks k,(re: skaldroms comment) yes us aussies do read this site (and we
do c americans as devils- our fav saying here is ‘only in america!!)
Oh hon is that therapy still going well for you?
I’m sorry, but the only “burn” on here that counts as an actual burn is K’s second one. That one wasn’t even that good. Yes can not constitute a burn, especially if someone new to the site sees reads these supposed burns. How the hell are they supposed to understand how it’s a burn if you have to read the whole comment section on that post to figure it out. If you’re going to do a burn of the week post, make sure that the comments you put on there can actually make sense on their own.
Oh, if it’s called “Burn of the Week”, why don’t you post it every week? More than two weeks have passed since the last “Burn of the Week”.
Maybe last week sucked?
You should have posted your reply last week
I read some of that weeks comments. There were definitely better burns during that week than the ones they chose for this week. So that’s no excuse.
I’m sure that if you keep posting there will be plenty of material for the Burn of the Week.
zing!
Just checked the first and last word of your HUGE text… I didn’t read it
If you think that is huge, then you must be somewhere around 10 years old. Maybe you’re just one of those kids that thinks they’re really cool because they don’t read, but later in life it will hurt them because they can’t read their college text books.
*cheers*
Although admittedly, when spoken aloud together the first and last words of your post say “I’m weak”; this is kind of funny, but altogether not the point.
You fail. The first two words in that post say, “I’m week.”, not “I’m weak.”.
hehe, you fail, the first two words say ‘i’m sorry’
She was reffering to the first and last word (singular) of the post. Fail at finding fails.
i was responding to Tiamat, who failed by saying ‘the first two words’ instead of ‘the first and last words’.
correction FAIL.
Yes, I do fail. It seems to be a spreading disease in these parts.
You fail, because I am not a female.
You sure about that?
Yes, I am sure. Hence why I either say I’m bi or gay, not lesbian…
because lesbians are not gay.
Not really what I meant. For some reason our culture has created a new word for homosexual females, but the word they use mainly for homosexual males can also be used for the females. However, you cannot reverse that and say that lesbian can be used for males.
But I can say, “I am a lesbian trapped in a males body” and that is technically true.
New word? Liesbian is new? hello, “Isle of Lesbo” , history fail .. and on the other comment … he said when read aloud ( which means you say the words when you read them), the first and last word is “I’m weak”… understanding fail, whining fail.
Week, weak, what’s the difference, maybe you just had a spelling Fail and wanted to let us all know you’re weak. Or week. Whatever.
Paying Attention FAIL!
Who cares if it’s not the point. If it’s funny then that’s all that should matter.
WIN
You think if they can’t read they’re still going to make it into college?
Not likely.
You never know. Some colleges take kids like that so they can have minorities.
Take George W. Bush as an example…
bush was paid in by daddy. the other method for getting retards into college.
Looks like daddy’s money was wasted then. He obviously didn’t learn anything.
Not a total waste, he learned how to avoid his military service.
so… it was a waste then? the world would be a better place if he hadn’t learnt how to do that.
You mean like pointing the wrong end of the rifle during firing
practice?
“man, this here scope shure is dark.”
That actually sounds like something he’d do. Sadly enough, I really wish that Al Gore would have won in 2000. T_T
I seriously hope that “…minorities.” statement was referring to the minority refered to as the “lliterates”. If not that is a clear “Not being prejudiced FAIL”.
So you are saying those who cannot read are minorities?
Ouch.
You haven’t seen some of my students.
Retarded people are considered minorities now?
In a college they probably would be…
don’t they write their own reports there?
What are you talking about?
No they don’t. It’s just Pre-Crime -.- and apparently they are no minorities
Unfortunately, in most colleges, retards are the majority. They are the only people who actually think they can afford college, and pay off that huge student loan with a great, high-paying job they’ll get with their MBA in English…
That’s why I have scholarships and my dad to pay for college. I don’t think I could get a degree in English. If it’s anything like high school, I couldn’t last through the non-stop Emo stories that are considered “classics”.
i hate english. i could get a degree in math pretty easy, i believe, but i hate english.
and before you say anything, i’m taking honors pre-calculus a year ahead of everyone else in a blue ribbon school. so i have enough qualifications.
*crickets*
What, like Catcher in the Rye?
Like Romeo and Juliet, The Pit and The Pendulum, Oedipus, The Tell Tale Heart, and all other dark and depressing stories that they force you to read in high school. No wonder more kids are emo every year.
“The Sorrows of Young Werther”…centuries-old German emo.
“Of Mice and Men” was depressing, too.
Which one?
Movie that is. Steinbeck was a bit on the emo side no matter how you look at it though.
Sorry about that, you’re comment wasn’t there yet. I’ve never seen this movie and it sounds like I don’t want to.
The newer one is great, Gary Sinece (sp?) and John Malcovich. Just amazing.
Which one?
Malkovich was the dumber of the two (I have forgotten the characters names) did a bang up job. But both were fantastic.
What do you mean which one? Hmm…you’re new name is now kitten. *masturbates*
Bird, not feline.
I’m not going to bother since you obviously didn’t read the idiot’s comment near the top.
I did, just pointing out the difference. I knew what I was talking about. And I didn’t get a “little death” off of that.
Engineering schools and science departments are bastions of sanity, despite the smell that often accompanies them. You misfired though, ethan; Art History majors are the cream of the ‘majority.’ You think an MBA in English is useless?
“Come one, come all and be amazed, come see the Master of Art History go from zero (on the respect scale) to barista in just ONE graduation day!”
I would LOVE to see any of you geniuses get a Masters of Business Administration in English. That would be a neat trick!
I’d rather start with a major in Geoscience, a minor in Biology, and then head on toward a Doctorates in Paleontology.
*hears a gentle whooooshing sound over Tiamat’s head…*
As a small white feather floats downward and lands on his shoulder.
I knew what you meant, I just ignored it.
Yeah right. Even though your reply was
a direct response to her post.
That came out quite harsh. Didn’t mean it to be that way.
You came out quite ugly. Edwards says that he didn’t mean for his love child to be that way.
Actually I did know what she meant. I just felt like expressing my hobbies instead of replying to the actual meaning of her comment.
Right? I feel a huge DURRRRRR coming on.
i’m doing a degree in archaeology, palaeoecology and geography
high-five!
Oh wow, that’s kinda creepy. Are you my long lost twin? Or perhaps an eery stalker?
i just know how you like it baby…
Too many things in common with us, but oh well. Maybe I’ll meet you sometime, which would make it really strange. Meh…*cuddles*
we can meet and… discuss some fossils… if you’d like?
where do you live, i’ll meet you half way.
Hmm…well, since the internet isn’t safe anymore and I don’t trust anyone on here…I live in Nebraska.
Oddly, neither of these two ever posted on FailBlog again.
HAHAHAHAHAHA Ru Ru is so sweet and naive.
hahaha. ok Tiamat (i refuse to start calling you ru ru), our half-way point is somewhere in Newfoundland. meet me there in 15?
Ok, I’ll get in my teleportation shower and set it to Newfoundland. Only problem is…I have no idea whose shower I will end up in. O.O
Ru Ru is a good name…..also Ru you have teleportation device?
Not for you I don’t.
I was going to say I have one too, but in my toilet and you won’t believe where my shit ends up. HAHAHA
It all comes straight here to Failblog, doesn’t it?
hahah nice burn. don’t worry, i’ll fix it so you end up my shower.
we can maybe just stay there for a while, leave the fossils for later…
Sounds good to me. *gets in his teleportation shower*
I used to get degrees in Sado-masochism, necrophilia, and bestiality.
But then I realized I was just beating a dead horse.
haha, all three in one, win!
Well I wanted to get my money’s worth.
Lean over and I’ll give you your money’s worth.
I’m doing a woman!
Blow-up dolls don’t count.
Neither does Paris Hilton!
I don’t care how good their math skills are. What really counts is that whenever me and the inflate-a-girl have a tiff, I can always patch things up.
But they never give you anything in return for what you give them. O.O
Not if you over used her then those patches can never be patched up.
Wow! Loz, I can tell your not “…doing…” a degree in English.
How does anyone get an MBA in English? Does one use it to go into business
selling dictionaries?
No, no. Who GETS an MBA in English is the first question at hand.
Yet another falls prey to the MBA in English. Want to hunt snipes later?
Sometimes you wonder, though…
there only a mayority in Texas
You must be part of that “mayority” in Texas then.
ooh, beaten to the burn
judging by your comment i take it that’s where you live?
Fail at humor, the only place retards are the “mayority” is the city of inbreds you’re from.
You son of a bitch. You don’t mess with Texas. *conceals handgun*
President Bush why are you on failblog…..nvm you’re just doing research.
Not on failblog, they aren’t!
What? Without my comment, that second runner-up makes less sense.
“Burn of the week” fails more and more each time
you didn’t even make a comment.
Check again. Mine came BEFORE that. It’s why there was a mention of a “screaming about your penis contest” in the first place.
Failblog.org facility of inspection FAIL :-/
Looks like you lost the contest AND your dignity.
WIN
but the burn only applies to those comments
You get the wierdest conversations in these comment threads, and people participating look at most comments as if they’re as completely normal a thing to say as “I’m hungry”.
I love this site.
Your tapeworm is in my lasagna.
Your Lasagna is in my tapeworm.
Hey, I got an idea for a Reeses candy!
There go my nipples again.
While not on the subject, was anyone in here able to figure out what the lyrics to “Smells Like Teen Spirit” without looking them up? It’s like Kurt was on heroin while singing it.
o-o
PINK SHURIKEN ICON!
Words cannot express the awesome.
In Soviet Russia, your lasagna is in my tapeworm.
In Soviet Russia my tapeworm IS your lasagna.
you’re coming of age?
i’m so proud. beware of the spectres.
his dark materials reference WIN.
His Dark Materials allusion win.
In Soviet Russia, your jokes suck YOU!!!
This should’ve been called “Burn of the weak“. Seriously.
week, weak, same difference
But then weak people like you would always be in it. That wouldn’t be fair.
Never imagined a “Yes” was all that was needed. *scratches head*
Yes.
Fedor by armbar. . .
“Burn” of the week, not submission of the week.
How about you bend over, then I’ll show you submission of the weak.
Lean over and I’ll show you submission of the weak.
F5 FAIL
My first one still hasn’t shown up and for your information, I refreshed like…10 times.
i swear, this site delays displaying posts that contain certain phrases like ben dover, or fotoshop…
Am I the first to say that these “burns” suck?
Yes.
Honestly though, I get worse friction burns while surfing the pr0nosphere
Comedian fail!!!
:-p
Get in! I won burn of the week!
your comment is lost down here in the nether regions. by the time people get down here they’re scratching their head and thinking ‘burn of the week’? what was that again?
aww loz even i’m not that mean!
you’re too happy to be mean
That is very true…
how the hell did we stop talking about emo kids and into people having illicit internet relationships on a log where everyone can see???
… i wanna say masturbate too… :MASTURBATE!:
for those people who love youtube..two words: emo song.
how is their already 432 comments man this topic might break a record
Hey! That’s wrong! We need the light to see our own big juicy tears of blood and hate so then we can die and it’ll be all your fault.
I was going to laugh but then realized none of those are really funny.
are you sure about the last one?
This “Burn of the Week” got burned.
3 burning emo kids are better than a light bulb
give an emo kid a match, he’ll be warm for a moment
set the emo kid on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life
that’s not funny when you just apply it to anything
….
So an emo kid walks onto burn of the week…
Sometimes I skip the FAIL posts and go straight for the comments.
It’s not that I fail at reading FAIL Blog. You comment-guys just fail harder.
This is the real size and shape of my penis:
———\_
———\_|—–
Enjoy.
that’s more than a little creepy. does it have a horn?
oh, I thought it was a recliner going really fast.
the comments were much much better than the burns themselves…
Penis fail
You must be the only one on the innerwebs that doesn’t get all those “enhancement” spam messages.
is it just me or are the runner ups always like 10times funnier?
btw: this is not the new burn of the week. if you’ve just clicked on my name…YOU FAIL
No limitations in FAILING. You poke – you FAIL. :-* argh…sorry… *hugs*
If you’ve just failed, feed me.
Yes, I’m bored^^
let us see what this will be
might be some kind of structure in here^^
but no circle xD
wait…i am tired, listen to strange music and so on i am listening to
Sound of horror – Organ grind
it is kind of disturbing
You are right here.
(Come on, nest below this level!)
*be happy*
)
This is a reply.
Do not believe what he just said.
Zomfg still wrong Burn of the week
it is boring alone in this er…on this page
hm….noones looking, eh?
urgh…it is all white now… :-/
I am just using an old thread to show my pinky.
oh…i meant brain
Narf!
do you really recognize old and new burns?
Well…ok…meow
Is noone there? I want to talk to noone. Are you there, noone?
Voodoo!
Brun bbay brun
.come on!
When man invented fire, he didn’t say “Hey, let’s cook”, he said “Great, now we can see naked bottoms in the dark”
When the printing press was invented, the first thing to be printed was…? Naked bottoms!
What are you doing this evening?
Take over the world?
Who has seen an emo no taller than 3 feet?
I have, he is the Techno Viking
omg i frekin love all you guys lol this has made my day haha
now am i the only one here? how sad i wanted to join in the fun of 17 emos in a room, anyways sadness :`(
I think they’d all be dead by now, so youd be by yourself (again)
any of you heard of stumbleupon?
I LOVE EVERYONE
especially my grampas hairry testicles
Pie.
>.> you guys are retodded.
is URI a failed URL?
i’m fracking confused.
yeah, what is that for?
your baby came out wrong
but i didnt get to see th part when i gave birth to a penis looking kid ….
pfk is on tht corner fat ass
Very nice, people. Threads like this are pure awesomeness, in my opinion. And that made me laugh so much, K, that I (almost) died.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot-
::Masterbates::
::Masturbates::
I would have married you, but now everyone masturbated on you and I don’t want you anymore.
Why, no matter what the subject or what the comments started with it always ends in sex jokes?!?!
really im just wondering WHY?
and why do i have to get the @#** logo?
Would anyone else forgive those african pirates if they actualy dressed like real pirates
I wouldn’t. Ever. I don’t believe in africans.
And they don’t believe in you.
Every time you repost an emo joke it gets less funny and more just annoying. Wanna get rid of all the emos? Stop making fun of them, then they wont be emo anymore, problem solved.
Noooo……. this thread is over D: *Masurbates*
Dude. Stop being a perverted asshole in these outdated Burn of the Week “threads.”
And if you INSIST on being disgusting, can you at LEAST spell “masturbates” correctly?!
~Sira~
omg emo community site ad HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! theres a pic of an “emo” chick smiling