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» 358 Failures in Communication

  1. Sageous says:

    First!

  2. johnny says:

    Old Fail.

  3. Stick says:

    SECOND!

  4. FatEgg says:

    This is a very old joke

  5. cacapeepee says:

    FIRST!!!!!

  6. Christ that is funny. I *love* stuff like that.

  7. cacapeepee says:

    LAST!!!!!

  8. cacapeepee says:

    FIRST TO RATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • king david says:

      FIRST AND ONLY PERSON WHO ACTUALLY RESPONDS IN THESE BOARDS TO ACTUALLY HAVE SEX…WITH SOMEBODY ELSE…OF THE OTHER GENDER

      • cacapeepee says:

        your mama has sex with me

        • K says:

          Clapping your hands as you sing “Kumbaya” in unison does not constitute as having sex.

          • cacapeepee says:

            no but thrusting my rather large johnson into your mama does

            • K says:

              Ah, yes. Your “rather” “large” “johnson” is indispensable to you, I’m sure.

            • Dorfl says:

              First you were having sex with KingDavid’s mama, then with K’s. I’m confused. Next thing, you’ll be telling me you’re having sex with my ma, no doubt.

              • cacapeepee says:

                damn! your mama cant keep her mouth shut!

                • MrDan says:

                  “Mama”… meaning than other than her mouth, there is something else she cannot keep shut…

                  • K says:

                    The result of which is this awkward troll.

                    • Adoni says:

                      do you really think you are fooling anyone cacapeepee? just
                      your name alone is enough to tell me you reek of Virgin, or in
                      the most awkward chance you have put your little pecker in
                      someone, it would have to be some skanky, no self esteem fat
                      girls giving you more attention than you deserve whic they undoubtedly regretted not 5 minutes later.

                      ( no offense to big girls )

                      • stratoty87 says:

                        Attempted arson mega-fail. Why attempted arson, you ask? Because there was no burn whatsoever in Adoni’s pathetic attempt, but oh, he tried SO very hard to get a spark going. Here’s some one handed applause for your effort.
                        *SLAP*

                        • VieuMove says:

                          Virgin fellowship WIN

                        • fuzz on the concept says:

                          NICE.
                          The Fellowship of the Virigns —
                          a shire thing indeed with these wee folk.

                        • RogueThree says:

                          What is this new devilry?

                        • Dragonwriter says:

                          We have a fail troll…

                        • Adoni says:

                          defending the immature virgin? you must be in the same predicament. and whats this talk of burning? maybe you’re not a virgin just caught something and regret your poor judgement.

                        • Stratoty87 says:

                          Oops. I didn’t realize it’d appear I was defending our erstwhile virgin, and I offer my apologies as I had no such intention. I offer no apologies for having mocked a poorly written and largely incoherent wreck of an insult. I also apologize for the semi-offensive wording, I merely wanted to offer our perpetrator something which they could comprehend, thus giving them the chance to offer a rebuttal. It was a wasted gesture, and I won’t dignify the poorly worded abomination above with the lashing it so richly deserves.

                          P.S.- Praytell, what is an “awkward chance,” Adoni?
                          P.P.S.- Well-played, VieuMove. Well-played.

                        • VieuMove says:

                          :)
                          I had to look for each and every of those words in a dictionary. >.<”
                          Glad it made you laugh. :)

                        • VieuMove says:

                          And please disable those automatic sociopath-looking smileys.

                        • Stratoty87 says:

                          It was exquistite. Salutations for the reference. I’m two-thirds of the way through The Two Towers in what is probably my tenth re-read of the trilogy.

                      • anon says:

                        none taken, even I wouldn’t do him

                        • Adoni says:

                          if the big girls thing applies to you, i personally like the BBW type :)

                        • cacapeepee says:

                          lol my johnson is actually pretty big. about 7/12 inches no lie.
                          and im not a virgin thank you very much(:

                        • Adoni says:

                          WOW, 7/12 inches!!! thats like, a little over half an inch! and using you half inch pecker on the dog doesnt count.

                        • Stratoty87 says:

                          Ye’ve redeemed yourself with this, Adoni. Your knowledge of fractions and bestial reference have served you well. And as for he-who-should for the love-of-God-be-nameless-because-seriously-what’s-the-deal-there, why do people use upside down smiley faces?

      • Queenofmuffins says:

        “FIRST AND ONLY PERSON WHO ACTUALLY RESPONDS IN THESE BOARDS TO ACTUALLY HAVE SEX…WITH SOMEBODY ELSE…OF THE OTHER GENDER”

        Notice he didn’t say same species… o_O

      • MrDan says:

        Including and limited to :

        1) Your granny
        2) Your mommy
        3) Your sista
        4) Any female looking corpse
        5) This handicapped kid you found half eaten by a crocodile after having gone down a steep slope on her wheelchair.
        6) The other half of the aforementioned kid.

        • Nonymous says:

          Mentioning past fail WIN!

        • MyMalady says:

          Wait a minute here.. I don’t quite follow your logic in this argument..
          5) This handicapped kid you found half eaten by a crocodile after having gone down a steep slope on her wheelchair.
          6) The other half of the aforementioned kid.
          If the kid was half eaten, then does #6 refer to the other half after it passes through the crocodile? That’s kinda icky. And actually what dawned on me just know is that I have no idea what croc poop looks like, does, it look like pellets or like fish poop.. hmm I should need to look this up..

          • fuzz on the concept says:

            but you doesn’t need to look it up on “2 -halves -of -a -handicapped -kid & 1 croc.”
            trust me on this one

        • Elvira says:

          Billy’s father rolled his wheelchair
          Up upon a hill
          He wanted to take Bill
          Where he would not get killed
          But he left him on a slope
          And into a swamp he rolled
          They dragged out his head
          But there was nothing down below!

          ’cause Rippy the Gator went chomp, chomp, chomp!
          Rippy the Gator went chomp, chomp, chomp!
          Passing the time by ending children’s lives
          Down in the bottom of the swamp, swamp, swamp…!

      • Squally says:

        ;__; why do you have to rub it in???

      • RoB says:

        i had sex way before you, how do u think you came about??

  9. K says:

    I almost DIED when I saw this on the vote page. It is truly of epic proportions.

  10. K says:

    I am rather curious as to what the answer is, though. I mean, not that my husband dresses up in my lingerie. And paints his body with my lipstick. As he listens to Miley Cyrus.

    • Wit says:

      a not-that-short answer: she can’t get through to him b/c she alienates her hubby by dismissing her hubby’s actions/confessions as untrue or unimportant(i.e…”he tried to make it out to be…”) and issuing the ultimatum.

      Also, she’s got issues of her own: she’s the one with the avoidance/denial/alienation issues by not considering or facing her husband’s explanations and just hoping it would go away and everything would be back to normal.

      possible advice: stop with the ultimatums; dig up psych literature on depression, transgendered, transvestic fetishism (fyi, he can be perfectly heterosexual and does not have to be transgendered or a transvestite to cross-dress) and both should go see a shrink to help deal with the depression, relationship & the associated cross-dressing behavior. Depending on what’s really going on, she might have to deal with it for the rest of her marriage–if they stay married.

    • Natalie says:

      If your husband is listening to Miley Cyrus you need to get him help immediately.

    • durr says:

      isn’t the answer simple? he wants the best of both worlds.

    • fuzz on the concept says:

      Fuzz says … Well, as long as he has as long a Hannah Montana banana for you, you should come as freely as you please.

  11. Devilment says:

    The failblog fails. The letter and reply is from a British humour magazine, Viz. They often run satires of newspaper and magazine features.

  12. stfu says:

    this is reeeeaaaaaally old, I got this sent to me about a year ago, so either my friend is a bigger geek than all of us, or failblog really is running out of gags.

  13. T says:

    This is one of the funniest :)

  14. Franc says:

    Where is the FAIL?

    This is good advice on a car stall

  15. Tucker says:

    It’s f*cking awesome. Yet, i don’t think it’s real. Maybe a fake one?

  16. jenny and dave says:

    This is not a real fail. This is from Viz Magazine, the UK humor mag that brought you The Fat Slags and Johnny Underpants.

    - Mrs B., Essex

  17. Scribble says:

    I’m pretty sure this is from the UK “Viz” magazine, from a spoof column.

  18. Jinx says:

    I agree, no fail! The advisor addressed the important problem! The rest is really a non-issue!

    (And how is it that the Cheezpeeps are allowing such weirdness and meanness on the comments page here? Seriously folks, comment on the item, or just go away! Make your own blog, where every entry can say Bleen or spork or first, or whatever. Loozers.)

    • Smileandwave says:

      Some of ‘em probably still live in their parents’ basement with nothing better to do than insult others most likely across the country. Sad world we live in, Jinx. Hence the fact that this woman fails to realize that she wasn’t asked on why the car stalled.

    • wonder mutt says:

      Jinx,
      Your comments on Cheezpeeps and perhaps I misunderstand the intentions of them, but I must reply.
      As Keogh, I sat and watched Cheezburger turn from a very funny site into a social site where everyone is there making each other happy, commenting endlessly on inside jokes and, in general, sucking the fun out of the site. I watched as the funny, clever, intelligent commenters slowly succumbed to the flood of precious cat comments, and am, sadly, seeing the same thing happen here. So, in order to keep this site funny, at least some of the time, the weirdness and meanness are necessary parts.
      Let me be the FIRST!11!!1!!! to say.
      Bleen.
      Spork.
      whatever.

  19. Rut Roh says:

    This is faked, for those who.. needed to be told.

    You know who you are.

  20. MrDan says:

    Miriam is actually a transsexual. She tried very hard, but as it woke up her inner demons, she reached at the first thing she could find comfort in : her life long automotive passion.

  21. Adoni says:

    she is just mad because it looks better on him.

  22. drb says:

    Hmm, I made a comment and it still hasn’t shown up. So forgive me if this is a duplicate post.

    But it’s fake. According to Snopes’ Urban Legend Page, it’s a spoof of the actual Dear Miriam column which appeared in the satirical publication “Viz.”

  23. squirreludecker says:

    avoiding the question win!

  24. Paul Keely says:

    This is a spoof article taken from the British magazine ‘Viz’. It’s not a real advice column, but meant to be a parody of the inane questions and pointless advice that appear in such columns in the tabloids. The whole joke is that the ‘agony aunt’ thinks the problem is the broken-down car and not the transvestite husband.

    So, not technically a fail.

    ps. I love Viz.

  25. kp says:

    LOL that is awesome :d

  26. ... says:

    I still don’t see how this is fail…

  27. morgoroth says:

    hahaha …FAIL

  28. Lol says:

    Ahaha, the person couldn’t be bothered to read the whole thing, so they read the first sentence, thought the problem was the car, and answered that. Apathy win!

    • ubern00b says:

      Thanks. Without you stating the obvious I would have never known what the fail was. Finally, after years of not laughing and the doctors telling me I would never again, I laughed!

  29. radaner says:

    It’s double fail. In Poland name ‘Miriam’ means shemale… So think about the reason why she (he?) didn’t answer the question ;)

  30. just4internetfame says:

    in soviet russia lingerie wears man…

  31. Chanie says:

    Advice WIN.

    She’s clearly concerned about the situation with “Mrs. B”’s husband and has decided to skip the whole “getting through to him” thing and just help her with the “getting the hell out of there” thing.

  32. shoobeydoobey says:

    =)) this is some funny stuff. Miriam must have had a rough day and only read the first few lines and then replied:))

  33. moehre says:

    actually this is PWND not FAIL

  34. Adoni says:

    Maybe he was practicing for the Floor show of Rocky Horror

  35. Mossystone says:

    I wonder how many people are reading this while wearing their wife’s high heels and plastered in her make up. I’m not. I haven’t yet applied the Mascara.

    • fuzz on the concept says:

      I wonder how many people are not reading this while wearing your wife with her heels high and plastered in her make out? :)

  36. Roger Mellie says:

    This is from the satirical magazine Viz, published in the UK.

    Humour identification FAIL.

  37. Capt. Dougal says:

    This is from Viz an adult joke comic. It’s not real.

  38. salis says:

    Now I remember how my teachers would feel when I handed in a report based on just the first few chapters of a book. “Today, I will talk about a really great book, Harry Potter. This story is about a boy who has to tolerate living under the same roof as his aunt, uncle and cousin. At one point, they lock him under the stairs. In conclusion, Harry Potter is a demonstration of people facing and overcoming adversity.”

    • Masterblaze0 says:

      Now that you mention it…

      Take the magical stuff out of the series, and it becomes a far better series with a psychological message and learning acceptance.

      Dare I say, Book altering win?

  39. cabbage says:

    Selfish bitch. Why won’t she share her underwear and makeup with her husband?

    • Jane says:

      Because everyone knows that for health reasons you should never share your makeup. Also, it probably wasn’t even a good match to his skin tone, he needs to go buy his own.

  40. hiperbato says:

    She obviously didn’t know how to answer to the second question, so she answered the first one.

    ENGINE FAIL?

  41. Mr Niples says:

    Thats why i walk to work… and with walking i mean i dont go to work.. ever.

  42. dark fader says:

    Fake! It’s from Viz, an amusing adult comic in the UK. Reality fail AND research fail.

  43. moola says:

    British humor win

  44. Oripapa says:

    Where the hell is Fuzz?

  45. Nonymous says:

    Maybe her car ran out of gas.

  46. Error says:

    Dear Mrs B.
    I’m not touching your personal issues with a 30ft pole… Meanwhile, here is what you can do to fix your car so that you never see that again…

    • Natalie says:

      What’s wrong with a guy wearing his wife’s clothes? Guys should be able to freely wear the same clothes that women wear if they so desire.

      • the b.p. says:

        yeah, like.. after you have sex.. a girl can wear your shirt.. and look cute..
        the problem here is.. a guy shouldn’t wear HER lingerie.. it’s just.. not comfortable..

      • Error says:

        Nothing as long as you wear something that fits. I’ve been known to wear some women’s sweaters and such but frankly I’ve got some added material that makes even thinking about wearing women’s underwear uncomfortable.

        Guess you don’t have that problem huh?

        • Error says:

          Now I see that you’re a female… Now I REALLY hope you don’t have that problem, lol!

          Fail on my part for not bothering to read your name and simply commenting.

          • Dragonwriter says:

            I had a bf once who wore my sweatshirts. Look HIGH-larious on him, since I’m somewhat…erm…curvy, shall we say, and had permanently stretched out the front of the shirts.

        • K says:

          I dunno about you, but when all is said and done, I’d like to be known for something other than wearing women’s sweaters. Is that what they’re engraving on your tombstone, btw?

  47. C.G. says:

    That was one awesome reply from Miriam.

  48. Art Vandalay says:

    Maybe she’s trying to help fix the car so she can drive as far away from the guy as humanly possible…

  49. chickie3737 says:

    Alright that was AMAZING!!! I mean seriously this is my favorite fail so far! That is horrible, she should just get him his own make up and clothes.

  50. Adam Bell says:

    Best entry to failblog yet!

  51. Eric says:

    OLD! (and purposefully satirical).

  52. Adam Bell says:

    What paper is this from?

    • VieuMove says:

      If you can scroll down to here to check is someone has answered your question, you might as well consider READING the comments.

  53. anon says:

    Maybe if the husband stopped dressing like a woman, he could fix the damn car himself.

  54. beth says:

    This is a mock agony column from the adult comic Viz. Read the rest of this, and they are all about the technical aspect of the poor beggars sexual problem. Check it out.

    • fuzz on the concept says:

      Does anybody know if this is from a mock agony column from the adult comic Viz? Or perhaps from an amusing comic in the UK called VIz? Or maybe from Viz, an adult joke comic? Or, I was wondering, if it was possibly from the satirical magazine, Viz? Or, how about, that spoof article from the British magazine ‘Viz’? Or, was it a Dear Miriam column which appeared in the satirical publication “Viz”? But, then again, I’ve heard it could be from the UK “Viz” magazine, from a spoof column? But potentially it could also be Viz Magazine, the UK humor mag.
      Anyone know?

      • RogueThree says:

        I think you’re right. I believe you are correct. I have a feeling you are not mistaken. I know that you are spot-on. You strike me as not erring in your judgement.

      • kea says:

        Superhero UAC fuzz?

      • michael farnbach says:

        THis is absolutely from VIZ! This is the premise of the joke! A piss-take of advise columns and missing the point of the question! GOD Americans are so thick!

      • KonKon says:

        No, this definately is from viz… they always use either Mrs B, Essex or Mr B, Essex in their stories, write-ins and other stuff like that. So this makes this Fail a huge FAIL!!!! PwnPwn Kthnx

  55. Things were a little shaky for a while, but this is a good one. The failboat is back on track, which of course means it’s heading right for that sandbar

  56. Kristina says:

    I love things like this. It seems to be a common problem in advice columns to focus on what’s not the problem.

  57. google says:

    poor Mariam :( >:D<

  58. laubo says:

    Haha she probably just read the first few lines and thought “well this must be a car problem”, then googled the car problem and copy-pasted the solution :P

  59. rokkuramu says:

    Somebody’s only reading the first two lines of a person’s letter due to lazyness. I’m talking to you, Miriam.

  60. Gnap says:

    Another appropriate title could be “Turing test fail”.

  61. timbolator says:

    Read and understand text FAIL!

  62. Robert says:

    I lol’d

  63. WolvenSpectre says:

    You should have checked Snopes… this is FAKE not FAIL.

    Urban Myth strikes again.

    FAIL

  64. Andy says:

    Ha, I think I was actually more interested in the car then her husband.

  65. gasman says:

    Make me swallow your spunk

  66. Kermis says:

    Please post fail, not random humour.

  67. papa bear says:

    Not wasting 90 minutes with a Dostoyevsky novel length setup to a weak punchline FAIL.

  68. Crossbow says:

    ADVICE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  69. Don says:

    Actually, this is not a fail. The advice columnist was trying to be clever in making her point. Unfortunately, most people didn’t get it. She was trying to say that the car breaking down was a bigger problem that her husband. So what if he likes wearing womens’ clothing? Has he ever cheated? Has he treated her badly or hurt her in some way? No. If the woman would get over herself and embrace her husband’s weirdness then they might have a very happy and sexually fulfilling marriage. Who knows, maybe she has some unexplored fantasies herself? What a perfect opportunity to let their freak flags fly and celebrate each other in new and different ways.

    • Billy says:

      Totally wrong, it’s a comic called Viz, and it’s deliberately making fun of problem pages. They did one before – ‘Dr. Miriam Answers Your Problems’, and it was stuff like ‘ I meant to meet my friend who lives ten miles away, and I was driving there at fifty miles an hour, if I left the house at 3.00pm what time will I get there?’ kind of thing.

      Fail Spot FAIL!

    • aphexZero says:

      Actually, this is a fail. I would check the pump at first…

  70. ireno says:

    who uses the word “juddered”?

  71. Sweden_just_better. says:

    LOL

  72. SandraF says:

    Man, if I found my husband wearing my underwear, makeup, and heels, I’d tell him to buy his own damn lingerie and not to stretch mine out and I’d show him how to apply eyeliner PROPERLY.

  73. me.uk says:

    From Viz comic uk. It is taking the piss (you have to be british to understand it) Taking the piss and nothing more

  74. Cesar says:

    La cago, como chucha no leen la carta completa, les dio pereza!

  75. Alexis says:

    He was made redundant after using his job? What?

  76. wael ebrashy says:

    you all fail at failing

  77. Daryll Lamont Jenkem says:

    too much reading fail

  78. Mamui says:

    Wow. FAIL.

  79. BonerBandMan says:

    Wow that is funny! Yet I have to agree that advice columns often focus in on something that really is not the problem.

    BonerBandMan
    BonerBand.com

  80. woot says:

    an electronic problem with fuel injection maybe

  81. Figfewdisgewd says:

    Poor guy. This fail makes me sad.

  82. Ben says:

    Its more like DENIAL FAIL.

  83. bigshirtlesscol says:

    Its actually a joke letter from a British adult comic called VIZ. Its full of stuff like this, really funny.

  84. hotfuzz459 says:

    ohhh that is sooo shameful

  85. Rose says:

    This is the first fail I laughed non-stop at. XD Moron. Best fail ever.

  86. swatcher says:

    EPIC failureeee

  87. whipster1 says:

    oh my god im laughin so hard i could poop on my OHP speak of the devil

  88. Evan says:

    yeah, this article was written as a joke. I read it in the magazine.

  89. fok60 says:

    ur mom….

  90. Ralph says:

    Dude – out of VIZ, UK silly comic…..dolt

  91. JonnoJ says:

    Joke… win?

  92. oh great says:

    my name is miriam…..
    FML

  93. NecroSen says:

    I just used this fail as an example for a customer service satisfaction survey I filled out. Hopefully they’ll read far enough to get it.


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