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Well, you don’t get a much more credible reference than that.
you are first!
you’re a loser!!!
you’re a sheep!
Sheep are cute. <3
Yes…tasty, tasty, cute.
I think the cute adds to the flavor, really.
Sure it does.
“I are clen God Hause for you, jes?”
I <3 God, do i get a free cleaning?
You’re dead meat, buddy!
Nah, it’s a double combo spellfail, he meant “DAWG” reference, meaning that he has the support of his buddies at the scout camp, but it’s incorrectly spelled as “DOG” and typo’ed around.
It tends to happen when either you abuse niQuil, or try to type “GOOD” the bad way.
You re trying too hard ;p
The fact is, commenting on failblog is my only source of erotic satisfaction.
Don’t take it away form me.
Please.
Can we take it away FROM you?
Please?
You are doing it already !
*slit slit slit*
*bleed bleed bleed*
Please Grammar God, be kind, I shan’t typo again, not the capital punishment , please, I’ve been good, I know what I’ve done is unforgivable, but please !
*cry cry cry*
I know that Bad Grammar is Bad, and I am SO thankful to you Grammar GOD, But let me live, even if I deserve the worst !
*pukes a bit*
Happy with this or want more ?
The CAPITAL punishment? Har dee har har!
Death by CAPSLOCK.
Rot In Place.
You ‘re still trying too hard ;p
Trolling is about minimalizmz (and animalism some times ;p)
.
Why I never! I’ve never been more offended in my life!
;P
a comment nested below that level^^^
Oh, I see, MrDan is a woman and is on her period.
that you see so much and so little will make many think he was speaking of you “a bit” before
I think whoever wrote that was German. gut/god hause/house
I see Gott in die Heime’n *heimlichlich*.
(takes my breath away)
“punishment , please”
…and your comma is in the wrong place. TOOL. Have fun bleeding out.
1) I am a dude
2) If I had periods it would be none of your concern
3) Got back pleasing yourself wrapped in a typography shorthand guide.
Punctuation overkill WIN!
MrDan you fail…
I do.
But I had many orgasms.
Eeww! During your period??
Blood arouses me. What can I say ?
Self-burn of the week WIN
I second that!
I still love you…
I don’t.
I just had the best muffin ever, srsly.
Did you poke it ?
Never poke em! ull end up paying for them
Never poke an unrequited muffin.
so if the muffin requites then it’s ok? (is requite even a word?)
That depends. Can you be whelmed?
Requite and whelm are indubitably both words, according to Webster’s.
Who is this Grammar dawg you keep talking about?
And Grammar God spake these words, saying THOU SHALT
1. HAVE no other Grammar before me
2. NOT covet thy neighbor’s asterisk
3. NOT commit subject/verb disagreement
4. NOT dishonor thy mother and father tongue
5. NOT steal apostrophes and use them unnecessarily in your own sentences
6. NOT commit obscene acts such as participle dangling
7. NOT murder the language
8. WATCH my evangelical teachings on PBS
9. NOT bear false witness against those who use my laws properly
10. BLOODY LEARN my laws and use them correctly, ere I smite thee down and expose thee to public ridicule on Failblog
*Hides*
*stands up to challenge Grammar God and promptly gets a lightning bolt to the noggin*
Dayum. I was aiming for your handbag. Sorry!
Do you prefer burnt offerings or blood sacrifices?
I believe you are mistaken. They have their *dog* as reference. Probably they have spent the last six years cleaning the dog’s /doghause/.
god, it says god, not dog
I think you didn’t read the comment I was replying to.
“Nah, it’s a double combo spellfail, he meant “DAWG” reference, meaning that he has the support of his buddies at the scout camp, but it’s incorrectly spelled as “DOG” and typo’ed around.”
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He laid in bed all night and wondered if there really was a God.
I mean Dog
bwaahahaa lysdexic much?
Actually you do. A bug for example. Pretty much anything that actually exists.
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour….
He who Doubts from what he sees
Will ne’er believe, do what you Please….
______
~ Blake, “Auguries of Innocence”
I love the fact that they spelled house as “hause”. Spell fail + Reference Win = go back to school.
did anyone else notice the house is spelled hause on the paper? obviously not a genius in the brains department…
and i am second
nope… i’m not:))
I still love you…
I don’t…
Muffin, anyone?
icanhasa…muffin?
Blood Muffin?
Drag Muffin.
girl,
i’ll eat your muffin
soon
-Neil Diamond
…That’s hot.
And yes I’m over-posting, but I thought I might be helpfull with some vocabulary :
.
HAUSE CLEANING : Cleaning the hoes (notice how hoes are misspelled)
.
PLEASE COLL : Meaning “Chill Out”, “COOL” being misspelled as “COLL”.
i rofl’d
Please be sure to include a god reference in your resume
Who’s going to pay for the phone bill for that check :p
Reverse-charge call? Godlike fail
You can make a collect call. See en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collect for details on how to do it.
(failblog doesn’t like URLs on the comments?)
Ah yes, collect call for Americans…I was using our term for the same principle
No, I really meant *collect*. Look at the wikipedia article I’ve linked.
cultural understanding fail
link checking self-fail
self-fail self-destruct in 10 seconds
9..8..6..
6? what happened to 7!?!
Neat … learn something new everyday
lol, that is so awesome!!!!
That was pretty clever!
Failblog does just fine with URLs in the comments. If you had typed one you’d see.
I had submitted a comment containing a wikipedia URL, and it simply didn’t appear. Then I stripped the “h tee tee p colon slash slash” part and resubmitted.
True story:
I’m old enough to remember the night Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin landed on the moon. We were kids and got to stay up and watch it on TV. The U.S. president Nixon called the astronauts to congratulate them on the accomplishment and their safe arrival there on the moon.
My little brother then asked, “How did he know what number to dial?”
I
’ed
It’s a conspiracy! O.O
999
wow, you’re older than me
i remember ronald reagan
vague memories of jimmy carter… though i didn’t hear about his rabbit attack until last year sometime
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Carter_rabbit_incident
I find God references to be particularly helpful when applying for a clergyman position.
Which position? Missionary?
Clergymen usually do it standing up. Fits the partner’s size better.
Burn in Hell of the Week.
I
’ed
I didn’t think that was allowed. Could lead to dancing, you know.
I need my Hause cleaned. I only need you to be referenced by a God, is all.
Gozer: Are you a God?
Dr Ray Stantz: No.
Gozer: Then… DIE!
Winston Zeddemore: Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say “YES”!
Dr. Peter Venkman: All right! This chick is TOAST!
Epic Ghostbusters quote WIN (going from memory at least)
Yet another Bill Murrey quote about God, from Groundhog Day:
Phil: I’m a god. I’m not *the* God… I don’t think.
(Yet another Bull Murray’s buddies reference about God, from his ‘Brothers — )
“We’re on a cleaning mission from God, ma’am.”
Darlio Ruiz (if that is your name?) we salute you, for your enlightening and funny advertisement. I would offer you the poistion of “hause” cleaner, however I’m unable to contact this “god reference” you speak of. Hence please proceed to the pie shop (where it is a serious matter of not laughing at the sign warning you to not poke the pies) otherwise you will pay…
Dummy… It’s not Darlio Ruiz… It is Darlin Ruiz… Duh
You make me laugh!
Well it was 50/50 for me as it could have been either, hence the question. And I shall take that as a self-assurance WIN, thanks
It’s just a common Spanish name… I’m just telling you… Not trying to make you feel bad about it…
I feel bad now…
I’m pretty sure “cabron” is also quite commonly used in spanish…
Cojones too!
cojones…only in mexico or spain
other spanish-speaking-countries use the word “bolas” or “huevos” to mention that the subject in question has big amount of “balls” on performing a task.
YOU HAVE NO MARBLES!!!
Ok apology accepted. I’m not very familiar with common Spanish names.
Thnks…
Shake your hands and cry now.
NOWWW! :[
“Darlin” common Spanish name?
WTF?
Maybe in South America, where they call themselves “Jefferson García” and other stupid names*g*. Oh, and the are Hispanic.
The closest Spanish name to that could be Darío.
arrr
Jezus! It’s Dario, Dario is brazilian at least.
you don’t have to coll me Darlin, Sugar
you dont have to call me sugar, betty.
If you can call him Betty, then can he call you Al?
hmm … why do I feel all soft in the middle now?
Because you’re only half-baked?
Is the rest of your life so hard?
Oohh, that didn’t sound right.
who’ll be my role model?
Shirley, you can’t be serious!
I don’t think I’d want my house cleaned by one of God’s messengers. Everything they touched would warp into a world of fiction, then my goldfish would die at Easter then claw their way out of the tank and float away 3 days later.
.
Isn’t it supposed to be ‘good’ reference?
Are you implying that a God reference is not a good reference ?
INFIDEL !
Dummy… It’s not Infidel it’s Infidel Castro… Duh…
You’re so funny…
Infidel-cast-Roo ?
Even funnier.
Orgasm again.
Infidel Castro sounds like an ancient Latin operation to circumsize a child.
Or it sounds like “In Fidel Castro”, or maybe it sounds like “Infidel Castro”.
And you sound like a lol fail.
Everything here is typed. How can this conversation sound like anything, unless someone here is synesthetic?
My browser speaks.
When it reads my posts it has orgasms.
it’s actually a procedure performed on adulterers
Where did you get the info ? Performer, victim, or consequence ?
In Fidel Castro, procedure performs or adultery on you! (Or something like that)
True story:
Such operations were unnecessary in the case of Marrano conversos.
Actually, your goldfish would die on Good Friday, come back to life on Easter, stick around for forty days, and THEN float away.
Definitely not 6 years experience in English that’s for sure.
Here here *toasts*
I find it funny that she spelt “experience” right but not house.
Fancy a cup of tea now, would you?
I have a cup, I you have two girls I can provide the tea.
I you have two girls? your good is grammer.
And you is an useless meddlesome dummy.
she must be more used to cleaning outside
If she really had a God reference, she would at least be able to spell ‘house’ right.
I’m going to send the guys after her that failed earlier with: ‘respect are country, speak English.’
That could become an interesting discussion.
Personally, I have a Goddess reference.
As far as I know Darlio is a guy’s name.
Probably 6 years experience in sex change.
Thank you Dan San, I too thought it was Darlio but was corrected by someone saying it was Darlin
The truth is : You cannot be sure with this font. The misspelled “coll” is surely not a “cnll”. But Darlio VS Darlin…
But don’t listen to the big meanie. He’s a big meanie.
“I’m going to send the guys after her that failed earlier with:”
I made my point…
He didn’t…
With god on your side, you are bound to FAIL!
but with the invisible pink unicorn on your side, you might get some magic unicorn mayonnaise
in soviet russia, house cleans you!
hause, sry
in soviet russia, hause cleans you!
doesn’t God (isn’t it spelled Gawd?) love everyone, so shouldn’t we all get the God reference? Or she she speaking of the ONE TRUE GOD that you have to go to a specific church to know?
spoken like a learned doctor of the faith
that was a lovely good God comment
A little chi-chi for my tastes…
I like how he managed to spell a words like “experience” and “reference” correctly.
Dictionary. The other ones he just assumed he knew.
Never assume. If you assume you make an ass out of u and me. Old Benny Hill joke.
If we follow the Bible (not really worth a capital, is it?) we’ll have to realize that the one true God is a sadistic piece of shit who created us solely to punish us. And according to the church, he cannot handle his money very well, and needs us to give him loads of it. If we don’t pay, he’ll punish us. Sounds like nothing more than a school bully taking milk from the smaller kids, just because he can.
and he’s watching us while WE watch porn.
the bastard!!!
failblog reference owns god’s one.
Divinely approved slavery of foreigners WIN (Exodus 21, Leviticus 25, Ephesians 6, Philemon)
*Rip’s believers or not a new one –*
when we take religious language literally, we are not taking it seriously enough
God have mercy on our literal fail to understand metaphoric truth
truth is that it is too simple for words
*enjoys an apophatic fit*
____
Message provided by mystic agnostic anonymous, a Buddhist service available by request, supporting Christians et al. to better understand their faith.
*hands TMI the groucho glasses*
Pointlessly-fashionable Christian-bashing fail.
Hope my avatar works
Technically, that’s no avatar, as it’s the original, and as far as I am aware, sole incarnation of Artemis herself.
Go to gravatar.com to fix it.
O crap you have to click on my name in order to see it
Yeah, that would be God’s payback for your comment about him being a “sadistic piece of shit.”
I think you’re right. And it proves my point, doesn’t it?
He’s still a sadistic piece of shit. Even more so after his little avatar-trick.
When I die (which could be in the next few seconds given his reputation) I’ll throw his almighty ass out and rule heaven. And I promise that I won’t do the burn-forever-in-hell-for-thinking-for-yourself-thing. That should be a relief.
And to the got-late-last-night-not-entirely-awake-people: Please do not place a serious comment on what I just said. It was a sin…. I mean joke
Oh, i dunno.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
In place fo a Dark Lord, we’d have a BO!
Looking at history, you could very well be right.
So therefore I should not be the one with absolute power in heaven. Then i’d be calling myself a sadistic piece of shit and God is the last person (or whatever he is, but he appears to be very human) I would want to be like.
Therefore, I call for a democratic heaven!
So be it!
Although it does hurt me not being able to change things towards what I see as just (like God so violently… I mean effectively did).
What the hell am I gonna do? Vote? Haha!
Bo is really basement cat!!!!! Quick! Everyone flog themselves for reading his posts!
Dear Jim,
I talked earlier about my pregnancy. What an interesting guy I am… FAIL!
LOTR (sorta-kinda) quote WIN!!
Another pointlessly-fashionable Christian-bashing fail! We’re on a roll!
This particular trend really took off after the Americans voted in that Bush guy. I blame them for this tedium.
That would be an ecumenical matter.
Word of the day calendar WIN
Father Ted reference win!
DRINK!!!!
Yes!
“Sorry, but when I called your reference, he told me that you need to learn better English before you get a job as a hause cleaner.
No, srsly. He did.
Go away.”
It wouldn’t be so bad if it was written by hand, but the fact that it’s typed means they neglected the spell-check, and that makes it so much better.
Look again at that first letter: she meant “Mouse cleaning” — a euphemistic way of saying she refers them to their Maker with a .44.
(And when a Mause survives, she writes a polite graphic novel about it, with Jewish devotion.)
She’d need a Mauser, though, rather than a .44.
God’s in the hause!!!
Good God !
cleanliness is next to godliness. unfortunately not for spelling…
i think you’ve good a sense of humus, chicpea
Only if his username was mossy grove.
May I dip my pita chip in you, chicpea?
I’d be kind of scared to hire God’s housecleaner. They’d probably take one look at my apartment and then the sprinkler system would switch on for forty days and forty nights, while my pets and I had to float somewhere up near the ceiling on a mini-ark hastily constructed from Ikea shelves and bungee cords.
WIN!!!
The gods must be crazy.
Too much coke.
In his hause, God cleans you.
i want my “hause” cleaned by someone who was referenced by god.
hahaha! reference INDEED win!
I like to suck children’s penises.
So you must be a priest of some sort?
that’s one hell of a language barrier right there.
Well…
There’s a really good referral. Only problem is that contact information is hard to come by.
well at least he doesn’t charge
“Well you seem experienced enough for this job. Do you have any references?” the homeowner asked.
Maria just smiled and answered, “You have no idea.”
they spelled house wrong so its a fail and a win