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Cheezburger Network Blog
First?
In an alternative reality, you might have received congratulations.
At 6 something in the morning, the ability to wax eloquent eluded me. Figured “First?” would at least avoid me the massive burn attempts anything else I would’ve said would have earned me. Bah, I’m goin to sleep.
then why bother responding with anything at all? If you’re so worried about getting burned, get out of the kitchen.
Kitchen computers?
WANT.
what kind of person stays up all night just to post a comment the next day at 4 in the morning O.O
i think the fail wash sign was photoshopped in
Your name is ironic.
I was a little jealous.
http://eng.novonews.lv/news/2008/07/14/latvia_en/005998.html
this might have gone better after the poster who thought that was the real name
Soo much stupid, so little time… Muchas gracias for the link.
For some reason the link won’t work…
That’s tough, man.
“You have selected the economy destructo wash with extra wax”
can i add the puncture my tires on my way out service too?
omg boring
Does anyone know where and how this happened? I recognize the gas station brand and the car is Latvian, but no more…
The car is German, actually. Ever hear of BMW?
jokergirl clearly meant that the car is registered in Latvia
It’s even registered in Germany, actually.
Read the Douglas Adams novel “Last Chance to See” to understand the joke.
“If they were going to be like that, then I just wished they hadn’t actually been German. It was too easy. Too obvious. It was like coming across an Irishman who actually was stupid, a mother-in-law who actually was fat, or an American businessman who actually did have a middle initial and smoke a cigar. You feel as if you are unwillingly performing in a music-hall sketch and wishing you could rewrite the script. If Helmut and Kurt had been Brazilian or Chinese or Latvian or anything else at all, they could then have behaved in exactly the same way and it would have been surprising and intriguing and, more to the point from my perspective, much easier to write about. Writers should not be in the business of propping up stereotypes. I wondered what to do about it, decided that they could simply be Latvians if I wanted, and then at last drifted off peacefully to worrying about my boots.”
Wow… seems like the driver have a panic attack or something and tried to drive out on full throttle…
she was 16 and drunk. Twelfth linked the article im his earlier post.
Please can somebody (whoever posted it) tell me what happened
BTW love the failwash bit
read the link mentioned above.
Blond girl was driving. It happened in my city.
You’re a fucking liar.
That’s an excellent banner over the exit…total truth in advertising.
Unable to spot Photoshop-pun fail
really.. it isn’t actually called “failwash”?
My god, it. . isn’t?
twelfth posted a link to the news article
it’s not english, that’s as far as i can tell you
sarcasm…
WTF? How is it even possible to fail that much? I’m guessing a lorry backed into it or something. Car wash WIN!
heh, lorry… i had to whip out wikipedia for that one. learn something new every day.
Oh, my bad. I’m from England, so yeah – lorry = truck = rig = all the same really
Let’s just hope that guy didn’t have anything important in his boot.
But I’ll bet he has a hell of a bee under his bonnet right about now…
Are you sure that’s not a Jag-you-ar?
Nothing like mashed aluminium and … sorry, I have to run to the loo!
his shoes should be fine…maybe wet…but more importantly, what can you fit in a boot that is so important it can’t leave your person…
Please tell me you comment was a joke…
Correct continent fail
I stand corrected said the man with orthopaedic shoes. Fu*ktard
omydog! why did i not notice this before! this is brilliant!
I see said the blind man to his deaf wife George.. hehe
I see, I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.
england is not a continent. you’re like that one lady on are you smarter than a fifth grader
England is bigger than the Moon.
Jupiter is the biggest planet on Earth
How’s your mind? Blown?
kaboom!
Uranus is bigger than the sun
Sigh.
Sigh is not a planet.
Silence talons. You look like a blocked punt
I’m not being defensive, I wanted the punt to be complete.
Your mom’s a planet.
Comments won’t nest below this level.
lol
England doesn’t deserve to be a continent.
I think the English think they are their own continent. It’s why they didn’t adopt the Euro as their currency.
they can’t even rule all of thier own island. what makes them think they deserve anything else?
Just like Australia.
… uh
i’ll have you know we have had the biggest empire in the history of the world and if it wasn’t for us there would be no usa. so bow down to your superiors
i wonder what happend… the building is cracked at the right i blame aliens.
And games, of course.
I blame the Jews, Polish, and Canadians. Stupid Canadians and their stupid Canadian bacon…
With all their beady little eyes, and flapping heads so full of lies!
They’re not evn a real country anyway…
What?
Damn canadians and their bacon.
Think they’re too good for REAL bacon. :B
You just wish you could start the day with round bacon and beer.
Yeah, I kinda do.
That’s definitely how I like to start my day.
damn Canadians and their flappy heads.
Yeah and what aboot all their fart humor, eh?
damn canadians and their maple syrup
no one mentioned this one… i cant believe it
Damn canadians and their hockey. What? Too cold for basketball so you got to go have a fist fight on the iced over lake?
Been there…done that. Really, once the lake behind your house freezes over, and your nose hairs crackle when you walk outside, nothing is quite so refreshing as a little hockey-n-fistfight.
ironically, basketball was invented by a Canadian! talons comment FAIL
Nice, that’s why I shop here!
that will be 3 fails, sir! thank you for shopping at FailMart and have a very nice whatever-it-happens-to-be-in-your-section-of-the-internet!
You hosers.
take off ya hosers! eh?
*takes off hose*
…WHAT? You SAID to…oh. Um. Nemmind.
So your toes quit going up and down, right?
Am I right here?!
I see what you did right there.
(I think…)
OUT! OUT, damned winky-smiley!
let’s see now…
‘ ) ‘)
; )
does it just take “)” with almost anything next to it and turn it into
?
A crushed BMW can never be a fail !
I saw a crashed Rolls Royce the other day. A really big shiny new looking one.
I couldn’t help but smirk slightly.
That’ll buff right out. No worries.
My Dad is a TV repairman, he has an ULTIMATE set of tools!
Oh, so you have brothers?
OOOOHHHHHH!!!!!
Totally the burn of the week!
I LOL’d!
God, this sign was TOTALLY Photoshopped! haha
but to be fair, the car is clean….under all the broken glass.
I bet you anything it was a woman
Gee thanks, aren’t you a chick too!
same gender downgrading fail
Not being able to take a joke fail.
Failure to notice sarcasm
Use of sarcasm FAIL
failure to properly convey sarcasm
Now now girls, I think Extermination Fail will supply all the sexist lulz we’re going to require today.
Don’t make me pull this thread over! Now BEHAVE or there will be no stopping at M Yass on the way home!
Dragonwriter, I’m hoping you’re a woman, if you’re not then these feelings I’m having are really wierd and disturbing.
Yup, Imma chick. I mean, a babe. A bird? Gal?
I am a woman person of the female persuasion.
Eeexcceellent.
she’ll be in her bunk.
So will I. Wa wa wee wa. Insert Borat text quotation fail here.
*boots Anomnomnomymous out of her bunk*
Go be in your OWN bunk, dude.
referring to a person of your own gender as a “chick”? hypocrisy fail.
How about “babe”…can I be a “babe”??
I use C*** alot too
Me too, c–t is my favorite swear.
hahah!!
Probably. Eh.
or Asian. but I’m not starting no Racism. oops.
Hehe. Zipperheads.
I bed if we taught all women how to wash a car, all the automated car washes would go out of business.
Really? I wash my own car and have never taken my car through a car wash. The only time I’ve ever been through a car was was when I was a passenger in a male friends car and he went through.
What does being a male have to do with washing your car? i have never washed my car, but then again ive never taken it to a carwash either. ive jsut got better things to do with my time…
I’m a woman, and I wasn’t offended at ALL. Women do comprise most of the horrible drivers I witness on a daily basis.
I think your friend is driving wrong.
On seconds thought, I think they’re offending themselves wrong.
It’s true, women don’t have as good of a sense of direction. For example, my penis always points north.
Mine heads south.
I think your penis is heading wrong.
Actually, I think south is the right direction for a penis to be headed. That’s where all the fun is.
Mine goes East and West
heading north.. going south.. our wheels might as well be square..
I’m sorry for your loss.
I was heading for you — I know you were there, somewhere, ‘neath the nether fuzz.
I’m staying out of this conversation altogether. See? This is me, not commenting.
(Yep…I fail).
cause it’s not only a penis is also a compass
It’s called “using your head”
Masturbation reference, start the masturbating nest below…
Masturbation?
::masturbates::
ROFL name win!
Who was the person who first to put colons around ::masturbates::?
Do you think this person feels a sense of pride to have started an online trend? Or does he/she get angered that people are copying such an indentifiable and unique use of punctuation marks?
i think either way it doesn’t matter…….
/conversation
Oh Al, you should be full of pride!!
Let’s have a parade!!
colons?
:masturbates:
Punching the Clown is the best term ever.
Well didn’t they do some study that found that men have a certain more of something in them which helps with the whole directions thing. Me thinks they did.
they still have trouble with the female anatomy, direction fail
A certain more of something? So THAT’S why my sheets were wet this morning.
It’s in the nose, and where we get the phrase “just follow your nose”. It’s kinda like a mini compass.
There have been studies that show, when giving directions, women’s are more effective. Women tend somewhat more to describe landmarks; many men tend more to use cardinal directions and distances. And when put to an ordinary test, persons following the women’s directions had a higher success rate in getting to the target destination.
If your penis always points north, what happens when you’re facing south? Ouch.
My penis usually points to my mistakes.
Reply FAIL
Your penis IS a mistake
Your dad’s penis MADE a mistake.
Your Dad’s penis gave you a taste of your own excrement.
in canada they separate the men from the boys with crowbars…
i thought that was greece?
If they used grease, they wouldn’t need crowbars.
My Dad’s penis was awesome.
Taboo FAIL!
but incest WIN
But insurance companies will disagree with you.
wow Sara J! maybe you wonder why women pay less in car insurance. then again, I doubt you contemplate anything other than what lipstick to wear on a particular day!
a-hem.. the lipstick color decision is very important, it can make or break the outfit.. but at the same time rather than stressing about it too much it is usually easier to try them on one at a time while you are driving and contemplating car insurance gender discrimination. multi-tasking WIN!
Wow Natster! Clever response! Contemplate this!
In the medieval period and early Renaissance, the terms “meditate” and “contemplate” meant effectively the opposite of what they do today. “Meditations” were thoughtful considerations, and “contemplations” were exercises in being mindfully present to reality in a recollected silence. Natster, unfortunately, appears to possess a sad non-acquaintance with either practice.
TMI, I meditate upon your words night and day.
Let words go quiet, and still thine heart, and that thou art thou be.
And know like love like what it is for thee to be to be.
this is true. I wish I could defend my gender as drivers but the fact of the matter is they are generally terrible at it.
haha- sorry, story time for anyone that cares.. one of my favorite pranks that i pulled on my boyrfried:
Driving on a fairly busy road, there was an incredibly incompetent driver in front of me, somehow in all three lanes at once going about 15mph (I think playing with an ipod/phone- not driving). As I finally passed her my boy mumbled something about female drivers. As he said that, the light turned red in my lane and I noticed that there was no one behind me for blocks, I took my foot off the brake and let the car start oh so slowly rolling backwards (pretending to be oblivious but watching my mirrors just incase) and asked him what he meant by his woman driver comment. He freaked out – eyes bugging out, a tone of panic in his voice.. oh it was hilarious.. just had to share that with y’all (and yass if they’re reading). Thank you for your time, sorry for the long post, and have a lovely day!
so… you know how to handle a stick?
hehehe… thats what she said
Psychosis fail
And it was a Bimmer
…. Oh the humanity!
Damn Failblog keeps eating my lame comments….
Failblog fail?
apparently it forgot to eat this one too.
ow, it burns…….
He’s not knocked out yet, but that haymaker from fepic brought Adoni to a standing 8 count.
That would be a Failblog win! Filtering out the lame comments!
its probably better for all of us it never posted em, they were dumb. not enough sleep+too much coffee= even worse sense of humor than i would normally have
Wow, I mean even the bumper fell off. Poor Bimmer…
anyone else remember top gear when they set fire to a car wash?
That was a win on behalf of Top Gear’s epicness
Top Gear > epic.
That was my first thought, too. “We set fire to something that’s essentially made out of water.”
dammit failblog! post my comments!
FailBlog, one got through. It happens again and we’ll have a little talk about your future.
“But have’t you seen how clean the car is now … ?”
Going through the car wash…
Ah the 70’s
Also, I love that the carwash equipment’s lights are still on.
I work for a car wash equipment manufacturer.
It’s amazing the punishment those things will go through.
Oh, you finally lost your maitre’d job?
(what the??? I posted this comment before the one above, but it didn’t appear, but when I tried to repost, it said it was a duplicate…)
Surely the sign must be photoshopped even if the rest isn’t, which I think is a waste of Photoshop personally… if you have a good fail already, you don’t need to make an obviously fake sign. But I’m actually only commenting because I want to know if that’s the real logo, because if it is, I love it. The car totally submersed… I don’t think I could make myself drive into a carwash with that on the sign, even if it was in working order!
Are you really that dumb?
are you really that surprised?
Your head is full of crayons.
Homer Simpson reference WIN
I pick forest green. Or maybe salty ball juice yellow.
i wonder if there was an earthquake, and that caused the damage to the carwash, and consequently, the car
Well C.S.I-me up some evidence why don’t you!
Poor rich bastard!
never heard the words “poor” and “rich” in ONE sentence, which was that short and was meaning a single person
no he means poor as in he feels sorry for the rich bastard
orly? i don’t get it
Have you not heard of Ritchie Ritch, the ‘poor little rich boy’?
ever heard of an oxymoron?
Oxymoron WIN!
“…Yeah, I’ll have the full package, including the full clean-up of the inside, plus I’d like to lower my wheels, if you know what I mean?”
“Sure, full package, cleanup of inside, and lowering… Basically everything we may offer.”
“Yeah, I’m trying to sell it for a pretty nice price, so it must look flawed! No problem?”
“No problem; FailWash at your service.”
And he just had it cleaned too.
Exactly how do you explain this one to your car insurance carrier? Or anyone for that matter.
Very slowly. Especially if they route you to some call center in India.
btw this happened in my country. around 4 or 5 am in the morning girls were drunk or something, so they went straight through the car wash failing at the same time because the door was closed. fail wash ftw
latvian statoil fail
What the heck happened prior to this photo, that’s what I wanna know.
He mistook a car-crusher for a car wash, that’s what.
Godzilla.
He tried to run over the mouse he saw in his trailer.
Dont’t drink and wash.
*high fives*
Claustrophobia WIN!
cost-a-phobia fail **sits in fetal position crying, thinking of cost involved if insurance does not cover carwash mishaps**
that’s why i have my own pressure washer and good old sponge… I think the geek running the car wash peed his pants when he saw this image
)
That car got totally scoobeydood.
This happend in my country, the driver suddenly realized that failblog had made him gay and he tried to kill himself, but he failed
Thank you for your auto-biography
is this supposed to tell us something?
Maybe the dirt was tough…
Bend over and I’ll show you tough dirt.
Car wash damage disclaimer notice…win.
AWWW…Now how the hell are they gonna show everyone theyre totally superior to them all?
That’s in Latvia.
actually, three girls, totally wasted drove like 2-3 km’s on a one-way road, then smashed a metal roadblock thing and ended up trashing this carwash. Lawl i live near this place.
Fail wash! Working at the fail wash yeah!
O hi honey. Remember when you asked me to wash the beemer yesterday? Well…
I am from latvia. The story is that the girl was drunk and started assaulting the gas station with her bumer. It was at night and nobody is sure why she did that (stupid probably).
That will buff right out
Back in the 1980s in Toronto, someone was taking her car through the car wash. It was one of those systems where you put the car in neutral and it gets pulled through.
As she was beiing pulled in, she noticed that the window behind her was partly down. As as she was trying to roll it up, she somehow put the car in gear and floored it.
Rollers got pushed aside, and the brackets for the overhead roller got pushed through the ceiling. The car sailed out of the car wash, and across six lanes of traffic on Leslie St. without hitting anything, and ended up on the boulevard on the other side of the street. Police saw this and were quickly on scene.
The woman at first claimed that the car wash “ejected” the car.
it’s a little more fail because it’s a BMW! Haha!
I think it broke… O mi gosh.. that car doesn’t look very clean…. lolz
it’s in Latvia , It’s a “Statoil” gas station
last
im wondering what the hell happened while he was in there..
EPIC FAIL
I think it is photoshopped.
ur special
How Would You Like The Wash To Be? SMASHED,BLOWN UP , OR, RUN OVER BY A TANK?
hand washing ftw
That’s an awesome.