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Rule Enforcement Fail


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» 308 Failures in Communication

  1. Lauren says:

    First!!

  2. Emma says:

    Almost first . . . damn.

    • It’s ok, there’s plenty more room at the back of the short bus.

      • Captain Canuck says:

        I think I’ll confound my critics by devoting this letter not to describing catty perverts in general, but Back of the Short Bus in particular. To start, when I’m through with Back of the Short Bus it’ll think twice before attempting to leave behind a wake of mudslinging reaction. Judging by the generally jaded nature of Back of the Short Bus’s foot soldiers, I can see that Back of the Short Bus doesn’t care about freedom, as it can neither sell it nor put it in the bank. It’s just a word to it.

        Sure, some of Back of the Short Bus’s machinations are valid but that’s not the point. Although Back of the Short Bus wants to feature simplistic answers to complex problems, if we fail to transform our culture of war and violence into a culture of peace and nonviolence, then we have no one to blame but ourselves. Back of the Short Bus claims that it can ignore rules, laws, and protocol without repercussion. Sound suspicious? Neo-testy is a better word.

        The essence of lying is in deception, not in words. While this lighthearted statement adds sorely needed humor to an otherwise tense situation, if Back of the Short Bus were to get its hands on the levers of power it’d immediately establish tacit boundaries and ground rules for the permissible spectrum of opinion. If you don’t believe me then consider that for its unscrupulous plans to succeed, Back of the Short Bus needs to dumb down our society. An uninformed populace is easier to control and manipulate than an educated populace. Sooner than you think, schoolchildren will stop being required to learn the meanings of words like “floccinaucinihilipilification” and “overintellectualization”. They will be incapable of comprehending that Back of the Short Bus’s hariolations may have been conceived in idealism, but they quickly degenerated into incontinent fogyism.

        It’s debatable whether Back of the Short Bus’s positions are despised by everyone but bloodthirsty hellions. However, no one can disagree that it is extraordinarily brazen. We’ve all known that for a long time. However, Back of the Short Bus’s willingness to eroticize relations of dominance and subordination sets a new world record for brazenness.

        I might have been dreaming but I believe I once heard Back of the Short Bus admit, sotto voce, that in asserting that it has mystical powers of divination and prophecy, Back of the Short Bus demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. To what consequences this leads can be seen from a few simple considerations. First of all, unlike Back of the Short Bus, when I make a mistake I’m willing to admit it. Consequently, if — and I’m bending over backwards to maintain the illusion of “innocent until proven guilty” — it were not actually responsible for trying to introduce absurd, baseless, terror-ridden lawsuits intended to destroy the lives of countless innocent people, then I’d stop saying that I don’t want to build castles in the air. I don’t want to plan things that I can’t yet implement. But I do want to establish clear, justifiable definitions of sesquipedalianism and Pyrrhonism so that you can defend a decision to take action when Back of the Short Bus’s devotees tinker about with a lot of halfway prescriptions because doing so clearly demonstrates how it constantly insists that granting it complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air. But it contradicts itself when it says that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. Back of the Short Bus is known for walking into crowded rooms and telling everyone there that the purpose of life is self-gratification. Try, if you can, to concoct a statement better calculated to show how jackbooted Back of the Short Bus is. You can’t do it. Not only that, but its responses to my attempts to win the culture war and save this country generally involve crying, whining, and wrapping itself in a self-protecting mantle of superiority. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that the plethora of obfuscating, multisyllabic phrases in its publications serves only to accentuate the obscurity of its prose? To answer that question, note that history provides a number of instructive examples for us to study. For instance, it has long been the case that the facts as I see them simply do not support the false, but widely accepted, notion that Back of the Short Bus is a perpetual victim of injustice.

        Although Back of the Short Bus has unfairly depicted me and those who share my beliefs as individuals and scum, we are neither. Yes, it has overstated its case against me by alluding to an illusory past, but Back of the Short Bus is trying to cause riots in the streets. Their mission? To curry favor with virulent, untoward heresiarchs using a barrage of flattery, especially recognition of their “value”, their “importance”, their “educational mission”, and other dishonest nonsense. The next time someone says that cynicism and deconstructionism are identical concepts, look that person right in the eye and reply, “It must be stated quite categorically that Back of the Short Bus sees life as an atrabilious, cold-blooded game without any rules.” Even Back of the Short Bus’s spokesmen are afraid that Back of the Short Bus will lead us, lemminglike, over the precipice of self-destruction in the immediate years ahead. I have seen their fear manifested over and over again and it is further evidence that I don’t know if Back of the Short Bus is consciously and purposely evil or merely sinful. I do know, however, that to get even the simplest message into the consciousness of the most poxy clowns you’ll ever see it has to be repeated at least fifty times. Now, I don’t want to insult your intelligence by telling you the following fifty times, but it justifies its combative put-downs with fallacious logical arguments based on argumentum ad baculum. In case you’re unfamiliar with the term, it means that if we don’t accept Back of the Short Bus’s claim that some people deserve to feel safe while others do not then it will assail all that is holy.

        This makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of Back of the Short Bus’s censorious, ethically bankrupt campaigns. (To be honest, though, it wouldn’t be the first time.) Back of the Short Bus recently went through an emotionalism phase in which it tried repeatedly to lower scholastic standards. In fact, I’m not convinced that this phase of its has entirely passed. My evidence is that Back of the Short Bus motivates people to join its particularism movement by using words like “humanity”, “compassion”, and “unity”. This is a great deception. What Back of the Short Bus really wants to do is create some malign, pseudo-psychological profile of me to discredit my opinions. That’s why Back of the Short Bus has vowed that as soon as our backs are turned it’ll sugarcoat the past and dispense false optimism for the future. This is hardly news; Back of the Short Bus has been vowing that for months with the regularity of a metronome. What is news is that some day, in the far, far future, it will realize that vainglorious, asinine faddism is widespread and growing stronger as it permeates school systems, universities, and the media. This realization will sink in slowly but surely and will be accompanied by a comprehension of how Back of the Short Bus would have us believe that slaphappy, bleeding-heart malefactors are all inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. Such flummery can be quickly dissipated merely by skimming a few random pages from any book on the subject.

        Let me offer some free advice to Back of the Short Bus’s adherents: Stop turning the trickle of philistinism into a tidal wave! If Back of the Short Bus wants to distort and trivialize the debate surrounding isolationism, fine. Just don’t make me go into hiding while it’s at it. Contrary to my personal preferences, I’m thinking about what’s best for all of us. My conclusion is that what’s best for all of us is for me to redefine in practical terms the immutable ideals that have guided us from the beginning.

        For those of you who don’t know, there is a proper place in life for hatred. Hatred of that which is wrong is a powerful and valuable tool. But when Back of the Short Bus perverts hatred in order to leave a large part of this country’s workforce dislocated and disillusioned, it becomes clear that it and its deputies are what I call randy reprobates. This is not set down in complaint against them, but merely as analysis. Back of the Short Bus’s favorite tactic is known as “deceiving with the truth”. The idea behind this tactic is that it wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to build a world overflowing with compassion and tolerance.

        I regard Back of the Short Bus the way I would the sort of stinking filth I might have to clean off my boots after a careless walk in a dog kennel for a variety of reasons. For instance, everyone ought to read my award-winning essay, “The Naked Aggression of Back of the Short Bus”. In it, I chronicle all of Back of the Short Bus’s subliminal psywar campaigns from the foul-mouthed to the lousy and conclude that the hour is late indeed. Fortunately, it’s not yet too late to hinder the power of oleaginous administrators like Back of the Short Bus. I guess that my take on this is that Back of the Short Bus doesn’t use words for communication or for exchanging information. It uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive. I myself plan to disabuse Back of the Short Bus of the notion that it is the most recent incarnation of the Buddha. This is a choice I have made; your choice is up to you. But let me remind you that if Back of the Short Bus gets its way, none of us will be able to snap its dupes out of their trance. Therefore, we must not let Back of the Short Bus drag men out of their beds in the dead of night and castrate them. Many the things I’ve talked about in this letter are obvious. We all know they’re true. But still it’s necessary for us to say them because Back of the Short Bus makes so many laughably churlish statements, it boggles the mind to think about them.

  3. Khaaaaaaaan says:

    Props to the 40-year-old about six or seven “kids” in from the front straddling the pipe. Way to set an example.

  4. Nwabby says:

    Perhaps these kids are not playing, nor climbing.
    Then it’s fine. According to the sign, that is.

  5. ausador says:

    Seems like they need a BIGGER sign.

    (and maybe a couple of those auto-sentry paintball turrets or something)

  6. tehgreat says:

    has anyone found nemo yet?

  7. HSLD says:

    The sign does not make sense!

    Grammar fail!

  8. ya-ya says:

    is the fail…*do not climb, play on and around pipe*? and WHAT!?
    OR parenting by example fail?
    OR reading comprehension fail?
    OR English as a second language fail?
    OR ill-behaved children (and parents) win?

    • HSLD says:

      You’re correct. This can go a lot of different ways.

      Since the sign is so poorly written, the children might be confused, allowing them to be immune to this failure……and so on and so on…

  9. Taking the kids to the shore in New Jersey fail.

  10. Roo says:

    I think the pipe’s done a pretty good job of grooming all those kids.

  11. Mr Dino says:

    its a tunnel to da centre of the earth!!~~

  12. jenovaii says:

    Grammar fail. How does one “around” a pipe?

  13. Captain Canuck says:

    First on back of the bus!

  14. durr says:

    mutated genitals for all!

    the new government sterilization is all DIY

  15. WobblyBob says:

    It’s not grammar fail, it’s punctuation fail

    It should read “Do not climb. Play on and around pipe” :)

  16. jamisings says:

    The sign is perfectly clear. It says you’re not suppose to play on or around the pipe. This is the fault of the lazy parents who can’t punish their children properly.

    • Klaus says:

      That’s not what it says exactly. Douche.

    • The sign does not instruct parents to punish their kids if they are disobeying the rules as stated in the sign. This removes the parents from liability for the fail in the most immediate sense, as the children are the ones behaving in ways contrary to the sign’s requests. Furthermore, there are other clues that suggest this is not a fail after all, as the children are merely sitting on the pipe. Suppose all of the people in the picture walked out onto the pipe and sat down? This contingency is not stipulated in the sign.

      This could be another “fail fail” which I believe constitutes a “win”!

  17. Muffles says:

    If I were the government, I’d have the Ruby Ridge guys waiting about 100 yards away with sniper rifles, to enforce the rule.

  18. Bo says:

    @ MUFFles: What’s that about? Al-Qaeda style?

  19. chris says:

    more like photo shop fail

    • nimbin says:

      why?

      who could copy n paste so many kids in a stradling posistion like that?

    • aaaaanon says:

      actually, if it was a photoshop fail, all the letters would look the same. the sign is bent, and therefore the letters past the bend should be thinner. and they are. the quality of shop’s we get around here doesn’t allow for anything more than clear textboxes pasted onto the pictures.

  20. RogueThree says:

    Why the hell is there a pipe there anyway?

  21. Jason Watkins says:

    It must be the Jersey shore!

  22. Scan is finished! No pipes were founded!

  23. HavUTheenMaWeena says:

    Illiterate herd – WIN!

  24. dmb says:

    why doesn’t the sign have a shadow? photoshop? plus, why is there a tiny patch of grass at the base of the sign. on a beach.

  25. Emily says:

    Was this picture taken at Indian Lake in Ohio?????? It looks very familiar….

  26. Not A Rapist says:

    It lists: playing on, climbing, and AROUND the pipe. How the fuck do you ‘around’ something?

  27. Vernunft says:

    That sign is incoherent. Do not around pipe?!

    Further, conjunction ftl. As long as you don’t do all three, you’re good.

  28. Lethal Larry says:

    Clearly photoshopped. Those kids were just shopped into the picture.
    The kids and the water. And the boats. And the sign. And the pipe. It’s quite evidently clear to anyone who’s not a moron that that’s certainly really just a picture of sand.

  29. Asbduhas says:

    The sign DOES have a shadow

  30. Dropt says:

    Pipe credibility FAILS

  31. anonymous1234567890 says:

    Is it Michael Jackson’s pipe ?

    Paedophile win.

  32. drysluckyseven says:

    Sounds like Cap’n Canuk needs to sit on the pipe!

  33. E says:

    Photoshop fail. Boring.

  34. fuzz on the concept says:

    And the pipe band played on …
    and around …

  35. 999 says:

    this looks like it was taken on the beach near my house…

  36. Allegra! says:

    more like sign grammar fail.

  37. artslover says:

    warning fail..it should be write ” please climb, play on and around pipe”

  38. kelti says:

    This just goes to show that they do not hire English majors at the sign making places, or at the government department responsible for the production and placement of said signage. Besides, why not just remove the useless pipe?

    • The Two Armed Man says:

      The pipe may not be useless. In fact, it may be a major runoff for hazardous waste.

      • Adoni says:

        more than likely a pipe on the surface like that is more likely protecting from surface contamination, or as a breaker for waves. it is far funnier however to laugh at kids playing in sewage. makes me think of the Oblongs.

  39. Epell says:

    The girl in pink looks like an outcast

  40. WTF is this CHAT says:

    HOLY F***, this is the longest POS Chat incoherent rambling I will never read EVER!! Chat FAIL. Life FAIL. And you bitch*s do this on every Fail pic??

    Your all loosers (have fun with that one, you nazis). haha.

  41. ChrisB says:

    Do not climb.
    Play on and around pipe.

  42. steve says:

    Anyone else notice that the sign doesn’t even make sense grammatically.

  43. Navi says:

    I think there’s a kid inside the pipe too.. look closely…..

  44. hi says:

    FAIL grammer

  45. LD0ne says:

    looks like that might not be the safest place to go swimming lol

  46. 1234 says:

    Looks like a GRAMMAR FAIL, too.

  47. derek says:

    hey look, a fail



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