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OMFG. Wales….
Oh dont, seriously, this was close to my home town and I just smacked my hand against my forehead and said ‘ohhh christ, not again’, I swear, seriously I dont know how we can walk upright sometimes.
This is just… this is just sad… srsly the moon?
I lol again and again at some pplz stupidity…
~The cake is a lie…
wtf i really agree with you. how the fuck can anyone be so damn stupid that they think that the MOON is a UFO.
It looks as though the top of the moon is blocked out by an ellipsoid object, so that’s probably what the welsh dude thought was the UFO.
Well, you COULD be from wales…
*The audio is really funny on this (Google bbc, ufo, moon).
Haha I like how at the bottom of the article they talk about this being a real problem. Silly brits.
That audio is hilarious!
…allowing idiots to communicate with real world Fail.
Prehaps they’d been smoking some of the good green?
Crap. I thought that said “New South Wales” at first… thankgoodness.
Wouldn’t surprise me if it did.
god the sameish thing happened to me once but it turned out to be the sun
omfg yeah!
Good call guys, telling them it was just the moon. That’ll fake them out for now. For now.
Yes, now we steal their cheese to make the moon grow!
Bwahaha!
Everything I’ve ever known about Wales I’ve learned from Scary Go Round, and it’s beginning to appear that every bit of it is true.
Yeah, universe FAIL
OMG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
Best on here for a long time, IMO.
999? shouldnt it be 911?
You’re a true American. Sadly.
Please note: this is one American, not all of us. Joker, just because our President can’t, or can’t be bothered to read, doesn’t mean it’s ok for you.
Whoa. I am not saying that all Americans are dumb. Hell, I admire people like Stanley Kubrick, Cal Tjader, Ella Fitzgerald, Noam Chomsky, Woody Allen, Sage Francis, etc and I am absolutely sure there are lots of Americans who actually THINK. It’s just that you have an extremely high percentage of people saying dumb things like “shouldnt it be 911?”, “yeah, we should attack tadjikistan if the government says it’s okay”, “the triangle has 4 sides”, “let’s send all the blacks and mexicans on Jupiter”, etc.
Really? Of all Americans you had to throw Woody Allen in there?
That was exactly my thought!!
I know! I mean, the guy married his adopted daughter. Please tell me that isn’t the best we can come up with!
IAWTC
Noam Chomsky stopped being smart and cool the SECOND he decided to move past Linguistics. This is coming from a huge Chomsky fan, too.
er… just a fan of his work in linguistics then?
I think he is great.
don’t judge ALL American by one DOLT!!
That’s right, judge them individually on their spelling errors.
Way to go, dude. You might want to spell check before you comment next time.
put that up for burn of the week
Um….. American IS a correctly spelled word.
Yep, but there isn’t just one american, is there?
This is hilarious! Honestly, stop trying to defend yourselves!
“You’re a true American.”
Grammar = Perfect.
Good lord.
American Education System = FAIL
And inexplicably, this thread has become a commentary on British culture…
My goodness, what’s with all these people getting so huffy over culture?
Most Americans mind their own, forgive their ignorance.
I’m sure you all have something better to do than pick on others.
Oh wait, this is failblog, nevermind.
@_@
Judging by the topic FAIL, Americans (Did you know Canada uses 911 as well?) don’t have the sole claim to idiocy
Let me say it for all the British folks out there.
Oh my god.
You bloody yankees.
999 is the British equivalent of 911.
If it isn’t American you wouldn’t know a thing about it.
We drive on the wrong side of the road, you know.
And eat bangers and mash while watching Monty Python.
Yeah, they could’ve made that emergency number 666, that would be fun.
No, that’s the emergency number for the Vatican.
ahahah! now my dear boy, you failed to tell the foreign gentleman of our love for cricket and cucumber sandwiches and ‘bobbies on the beat’
But what about spotted dick?
Yeah, well at least we have a cure for it.
oh my god thats hilarious
one of the better comments i’ve ever read on here
(btw im british)
and you forgot the hero-worship of john cleese and mushy peas (and that English fish and chips are actually EDIBLE)
err… and custard. Spotted Dick & Custard.
Don’t forget a good tea and crumpet, i love a good crumpet =]
Aye, nothing like a good bit of crumpet!
WIN
*jumps up and down*
I am an American and I know what bangers and mash are!
They’re pretty good, too. Hm…maybe I should head over to Firkin & Fox (our local English style pub) for dinner and have some.
shut up!
If you are having sticky toffee pudding i am SO in. I had it for the first time when i went to london and it’s the most amazing food ever.
I love sticky toffee pudding, love it love it love it!!!!
what about custard?! D:
NO CUSTARD FOR YOU!!!!!!
Can I have his custard please? Mmmm, custard! You know I thought custard was something you couldn’t mess up but Sainsburys went and proved me wrong with their own brand Custard.
The custard comes after you have stuck your toffee in the pudding a few times
They’re obviously not real bangers and mash. Because they’re American. nd whats more, what’s with Americans trying to be english? So much for independance
-.-
Americans don’t try to be English.
They try to be Japanese.
But we are English. England was just smart enough to say, “Alright! That’s it! You can be independent, for Christ’s sake!”
What’s wrong with us having an English Pub? You have McDonalds… Why are you trying to be American?
ditto that, is it actually like an English pub tho!? are the angry bald white men that pounce you for changing the music?
I don´t know what bangers and mash are, but don´t you dare mock me for monty python. I´m pretty sure I can keep up with most of the Monty python fans in England, and have the time I talk to someone from England about their police force I´m the one imforming them.
But yeah until I saw wales I thought the 999 was part of the fail.
I believe you meant to say “half the time.”
Just how often do you talk to British people about their police force?
I thought it was called the Service now. Force sounding to confrontational now and what not
Ooop yeah you´re right, I remember hearing that too, my bad.
Often Fling, Not quite sure why but it is always interesting. and I also talk about rugby, which is always fun.
Union rules, only way to play.
And yes, half the time, I am a grammar nazi´s finiest prey.
really. he makes it sound like he spends most evenings discussing law enforcement in the UK over re-runs of the dead parrot sketch.
nah, we’s prefer to use the lumberjack song fer tha back’round noize when we talks.
oh yeah, well, what’s the equivalent of 911 (or 999) in zimbabwe? yeah, not so worldly now, are you?
lol, it’s actually 999.
Well, Police is 995, Medical is 994 and Fire is 993 but the catch-all switchboard is 999.
Sorry to burst your bubble.
No the 911 in Zimbabwe is 911,000,000.
Attempt at comedy uberfail!
Save your breath for your inflatable date.
Well she makes more noise and writhes around more than your mum does at least.
Slave to the cock.
Slave to the c0ck
Ah, fuck.
Triple reply FAIL.
Your dad riding you so hard you stuttered on the Enter key?
LOL Burn WIN!
Fail pyramid!
Haha I love it. And yet it’s so very sad, too…
how about kazakhstan?
A lot of the former USSR countries still use Russia’s emergency numbers, which are 01 for fire, 02 for police, 03 for medical and 04 for gas leaks. They also use 112 and Satellite Phone users can phone 767.
fuck it. you win. my hat’s off to you.
He used “The Google”.
Nah, Google sucks! Yahoo all the way. I already had Wikipedia open anyway so just searched it on there.
Gullability fail.
I keep reading this post as “What about Karazhan?”
I keep imagining calling up for an Airstrike from the Police like in Streets Of Rage on the Sega Megadrive. WoW would be so much easier if you could phone 999 to ask for assistance with a particularly threatening demon.
If it isn’t our business, there’s no need to know. Now if the British folks don’t know what 999 is…
That’s not the point. I am an American, I don’t assume the rest of the world uses 911. This is from Wales, hence its stupid to assume that 999 is a fail.
Now, can we all move on?
We also have another emergency number, “112″. It’s used across the European Union.
112 also works on any GSM phone (it’s part of the GSM standard).
Wow, thanks for that. I was gonna dial 112 the next time I was abroad in some odd country that doesn’t use it.
Does it work the other way? My phones key-lock is unlocked if I press 911. Strangely it doesn’t work with 999.
Also “111″ is the New Zealand equivalent of 999.
telecom Fail! the longest number to call on a rotary phone is 000 (emergency in Australia) 999 is nearly the longest number!
111 is (or at least was back in the 80’s) NZ’s emergency services number
because NZ’s rotary dials were ass backwards to Australias … true…
Um… A few things.
-Just because we don’t know what 999 is to you doesn’t mean we’re stupid. We just don’t need to know.
-You drive on the left, we drive on the right. Big deal. It’s still a side of the road. Same diff, really.
-Bangers isn’t a very good name for a food in my opinion, and neither is mash.
Thank you.
Neither is “Grits”.
yOU EVER EAT GRITS? You’d understand the name then, lol. They’re not that good. And what are bangers and mash? My guess would be burgers and chips.
Is that proper chips, which you lot call fries, or crisps?
Either way you’re wrong. It’s sausage (’banger’ being a nickname of Indian origin, back when we were Teh World Police™) and mashed potato.
you are wrong too
the term “banger” came from the great war when because of rationing there was no sausage meat, so most sausages were mainly water, causing them to explode with a loud “bang” whenever they were overcooked
Irrelivent information win
lololol.
yes, we have a dish like this
cut up hotdogs and mashed potato
great gourmet fun. for a 2 year old.
I love grits (Especially with bacon, YUM), they are great.
But then again I’m from the south in the USA, different stokes for different folks I guess. Ya can’t please ‘em’ all.
Superfluous apostrophe fail.
Uuummm, grits is a good name for food. Its simple and self explanatory. Your
logic fails
Self explanatory? Grits to me is tiny stones and dirt, and it’s what they use to give the roads more grip in icy weather. We call it by a much better name. Porridge.
Det som heiter “graut/grøt” på norsk?
We did try to think of a more suitable nickname for sausages, but we couldn’t think of anything appropriate that worked with the prefix ‘freedom’.
Nice
British humour win.
Freedomweenies has a nice ring to it.
WIN!
nothing weenie about a good’ole bangor!
hey, you know, it’s not like my history class teaches me what emergency numbers are in a country i’ve never been to, you know. don’t you people have like 12 digits per phone number or something? i’ve send letters to british addresses, it’s totally insane.
try to have a little understanding of cultural differences, here. otherwise you’re no better than us ‘bloody yanks.’ i thought the 999 thing was a mistake, too.
that wouldn’t be history
the closest to what that would be is geography
Or maybe social science? Some thing like that?
‘useless crap 105′
I have a BS in Useless Crap. I’ll tell you want that’s one of the most useful degrees you can have, a good BS in Useless crap.
Since when did a university offer classes about you?
Phone numbers have either 10 or 11 numbers in them, usually 11 now since the 01 and 02 prefixes were put in place. Our area code 0244 was changed to 01244, when in the same area code you don’t have to use the area code so you only have to dial 123456 instead of 01244123456.
Addresses are self explanatory really…
House Name/Number,
Street,
District,
City,
County,
Postcode,
For instance…
1 Ben Dover Close
Carlton
Nottingham
NE1 4BJ
I will alert the media of this profound revelation.
well that pretty much covers all the imporant info about the UK. I mean really, what else is there?
I WISH TO REGISTER A COMPLAINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m sorry, this is Abuse, Complaints is down the hall and to the left.
Now that is a quality tie in.
Nicely done.
I like Monty Python…
And what’s wrong with watching Monty Python?
i’m a lumberjack & i’m ok…i work all night & i sleep all day…i chop some wood, i wear high heals, suspenders & a bra! oh! i wish i was a lady, just like my dear pa-pa!!
Monty Python win, crossdresser fail
You actually managed to get one line from each verse of the song in the same verse and get something from each line wrong. That Sir, is one EPIC fail!
um you do drive on the wrong side of the road… we invented the automobile…. but barring that i do think america has stuff seriously messed up including our grasp of english which is abhorrent.
Hey, there are other countries in the world other than the USA!
999 is the emergency service number in the United Kingdom and the UK comprises of England, Scotland, Northen Ireland and…. Wales! (Wales, as in Prince Of…)
I’m gonna become a sodding millionaire when I invent a device to stab people like you in the head over the internet!
It’ll be a FireFox addon that adds a button right next to the “Reply” button on forums that says “Stab this user in the face”. I haven’t quite worked out the delivery mechanism yet but when I do…
can i pre-order?
bwahahaha reminds me of a picture at my former job- it was a callcenter- one of the nearby cubes had a picture of one of our phones, which had a lot of buttons, most of which were labeled, but a few were blank. anywho, this person had written in “customer death button” on one of the blank ones
and fwiw, i am american, and i knew what 999 is… we’re not all arrogant fools…
You’re too late Apache. I’ve already acquired funding for my “Allah-Smack 2000.” It’s a device that is implanted in monitors. Once triggered remotely by, yours truly, it delivers an impressive slap up side the head, face, or a Three Stooges poke to the eyes. The British version will have a butler’s hand that dumps a cup of tea on their keyboard.
Victory is mine!!!
Not if, but when I concur the world, I’m putting all the Britts in concentration camps for a year…so they can concentrate on learning to eat right. No more sticky toffee pudding, bangers & mash, cucumber sandwiches, bobbies on beats. They will be force-fed brisket, mashed potatoes & gravy, green beans with bacon bits, and Lone Star beer just for spite.
No one gets released until they agree to quit playing cricket in public, learn to drive on the correct side of the road, and if anyone dials 999 they are going to get a recording of me screaming “AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!, dial 911 you water-head, and this better not be about the Moon again!!!
P.S. Before I “concur” the world I’m going to hire an assistant that knows how to spell “Conquer” right. And other words I missed in 3rd grade spelling class due to kneeling in the corner for making commets about conquering my elementary school.
Before you concur with your adviser that conquering the world is the right thing to do……
I knew what you meant. :p
Need help with the “commets” too?
That does it! Darth Didymus, you’re first. I’ve got grits with butter and cheese waiting for you.
Red Leg, get your own symbol. I’m the square purple exploding grenade.
That’s what she said.
I really feel like posting the John Cleese revocation of the USA speech but I can’t be bothered with all the backlash from it, lol.
Can we at least have sausage with the mashed potatoes and gravy?
would the backlash be from the outrage associated with beating a dead horse? stupid peta, always harshin’ on my joy ride.
No, more-so from all the overly patriotic Americans that can’t take a joke, as soon as someone posts that revocation order, they come swarming!
it’s old is what i’m saying.
I’m totally for revocation of our independence. Post away.
lol, it won’t let me post it!
Failblog Fail!
ok, I failed again.
It did post it, it’s below.
Maybe…no, wait. What’s in the gravy?
It’s just gravy, you can make it yourself if you like. Proper British gravy though made from proper British Beef.
Is it forced to have a stiff upper lip when it is hammered in the head?
Does it drink tea instead of water?
Will it enjoy a crumpet with the tea?
Hang on Apache. I see below that “STFU” has picked a fight with me he will not be winning.
I’ll get back to your proper British beef when I finish making mince meat out of STFU’s gay Wales ass.
proper British gravy is made from proper British Bisto gravy granules, you big ponce..
Bisto is a drink made from gravy, it’s disgusting, lol. Proper gravy is made from the juices left over in the roasting dish after you’ve roasted your meat and veg (not your genitals, theactual meat and the actual vegetables!) Just add cornflower to the pan and stir for a while, pour into a pan and add water. Gorgeous stuff. Turkey gravy is the nicest but Beef gravy is nice too, with Rosemary in it as well. Camelguy… The reason I asked was because Sausage, Mashed Potatoes and Gravy is Bangers and Mash.
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.
The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium.” Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour’; skipping the letter ‘U’ is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter ‘Z’ (pronounced ‘zed’ not ‘zee’) and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”
You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’ e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you can’t cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary.” Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “uhh”, “like”, and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up “interspersed.”
There will be no more ‘bleeps’ in the Jerry Springer show. If you’re not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn’t have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won’t have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).
You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents — Scottish dramas such as “Taggart” will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we’re talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is “Devon.” If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become “shires” e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
British sit-coms such as “Men Behaving Badly” or “Red Dwarf” will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can’t cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American “football.” There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football – which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American “football” is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays “American” football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2010.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the ‘World Series’ for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls’ game called “rounders,” which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don’t believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called “Indecisive Day.”
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call ‘French fries’ are not real chips. Fries aren’t even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling “beer” is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” The substances formerly known as “American Beer” will henceforth be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as “Weak Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine.” This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or “gasoline,” as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $10/US gallon — get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation.
Apache, please tell me you are a smoking hot British chick. Because after a 12 inch remark, I’m both impressed and turned on. I’ll explain later. Dump your husband, marry me, and I’ll show you things Monty Python forgot to film.
If you are married, then, Apache’s husband…I apologize for making romantic advances at your wife, even though her mastery at comedy and the English language is turning me on.
…and be with the starving pigmies in New Guinea… wherever the hell that place is…
Sorry dude, as flattering as your post is, I too have a penis.
In that case, might I have a chance?
MY EYES!!!!!
Epic Wall Of Text Crit!!!
-.- stop doing that
Not gonna lie, this was pretty funny.
Keep baseball, get rid of the NBA, watch more college ball, and you better fing believe i´m playing rugby.
Legend comment lmfao that has been sent around the office!!!!
EPIC win.
I would just like to know where to sign up. And our waitresses are plenty agressive, you’ve just been lucky.
mmmmmmmm, a joke I’ve seen perhaps two dozen times emailed around the office
Red Dwarf definitely stays with your side of things.
Our version failed horribly.
It is a bit both ignorant and arrogant to assume that all American’s are indeed this unintelligible. I was raised in Germany for a good chunk of my youth, then lived in New Zealand where, yes, I spent more than enough time to learn what Bangers and Mash are, though I think Bangers and Mash with a side of sauerkraut is best, yummy. And mustard is the best thing ever.
But I digress. Don’t assume that all Americans don’t know what 999 means.
On a different note, I love KATHRINE TATE!
bobbies on the beat is a policeman, dumbass. Unless you eat police where you come from, in case, I apologise, but as it stands, condescending put down fail.
STFU, does your mother still make do that full body twitch when she orgasms? Or was it just my technique?
In Soviet Russia his mothers body twitches you.
I’m not familiar with said ‘bobbies on beats’ dish. For the cannibalistic criminal perhaps?
Maybe he proceeded into the wrong Canadian Farmhouse.
Awwww. Albertan RCMP death fail. ;___;
I will be the first in line to purchase that one. Perhaps you could do a “trekkie version” with several different “modes”? Stun. Kill? and maybe Melancholy? (0ne of you Brits better get that reference)
Eddie Izzard isn’t it?
I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES THAT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY…..HOLY SHIT THAT HURT.
I lol’d.
Win.
its 999 because on a rotary phone, its easier to dial 999 than 911 when you’re freaking out in an emergency. its 999 all over europe.
Rotary phones. I haven’t seen one of those since I thought STFU’s Mom was dying from the anal pounding I gave her years ago. But I am not STFU’s father! He was the hairy black gentlemen with down syndrome who was first in line, I was 10 or so back behind the fat lesbian with the extra large gasoline-powered dildo.
Stop, you’re killing me!
ROFLOL
I hurt inside now.
All around Europe? I really don’t think so….
The EU emergency number is 112, the worldwide emergency number is 767 (SOS on a phones keypad)
rotary phone, ugh, that would take so long… wouldn’t 111 have been better?
That’s the point: it’s designed to be unlikely to do by accident.
ah, good point…
funny thing, with pbx systems where you have to dial a 9 before you get an outside line, combined with a 1 for long distance or toll free, it is easy to do by accident- in fact i’ve talked to employees in nursing homes where they set up the phone with an 8 to dial out b/c with the default 9, it would happen almost daily that one of the elder folks would dial 911 by mistake
GAH our emergency number is 000 (because our rotary phones had the 0 last so that number was the hardest to dial by accident) but where I work:
the phones have two unlabeled buttons beside the number pad the first one to get an outside line, the second to access your voice mail
all our voice mail has a security code of “000″ which you can’t reset (you have to get the switch operator to do that so no one does)
all the “outside line” button does is dial 0 to get an outside line…
hit the wrong button and enter your voicemail pin…. oh yeh the ER operators love us.
All the flamers (Or should it be ‘bangers’ in this segment have been targeted by failbomber. BTW, This is just hilarious. XD
It’s 911 in North America; 999 in Britain, possibly elsewhere. I mean, not all countries speak English, so why should they all have the same emergency number?
So much for the International Emergency Number (767) then!
I’ve honestly never heard of this. Quite a useful little tidbit.
YES! Im glad someone else noticed that. its a double fail.
Country identification fail.
Not really it’s just plain stupid IMO…
Torchwood FAIL!
OR! Torchwood cover up win?
Win!
Definetly a Torchwood cover up!
Hmm… I guess they don’t have enough retcon for everyone on the internet. Torchwood fail, rift win!
Given that this person mistook THE MOON, I doubt he’d know the Signs of Torchwood Identification:
1. Blowfish driving a sports car.
2. Tea boys. Possibly naked.
3. Come morning, mysterious hickeys and grey woollen coat fibres in embarrassing places.
4. Angst. Maybe death angst, maybe sex angst. Maybe both at once!
5. Unusually succulent and delicious burgers. Eerily succulent. Almost, dare I say, otherworldly?
Given that i thought the Torchwood of these comments was the organization from Doctor Who, could you explain how this makes sense?
Torchwood is also its own TV series. It’s a Doctor Who spin-off that airs on BBC 3. Just trust me, if you’ve seen both seasons, it makes sense.
Torchwood is rubbish.
I agree. It could have been well done, but they just got bogged down with who’s sleeping with whom. Not that I necessarily have a problem with it, when it’s done properly, but it wasn’t. It just got rather — the closest I can get to it is ‘distasteful’, although ‘boring’ and ‘poorly thought out’ are also close.
STFU, come to the hospital immediately! I’ll explain later. Suffice it to say I got my fist stuck in your mother’s vaginal cavity. Look on the bright side, at least it wasn’t my foot again. Oh, why did I allow that freaky slut to talk me into this? And, she just told me about her herpes infection. This is almost as embarrassing as that time she gave my penis tonsillitis.
Comment WIN!
And where’s The Doctor when you need him???
Doctor Who reference win
He’s doing the same thing I’m doing… Lusting over Billie Piper!!!
the doctor? doctor who?
Yes, that’s right. What’s on second and I don’t know’s on third! (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
Jackie Tyler quote win!
Lord I apologize for getting “STFU’s” mom high on crack and her calling the bobbies on the beat about the moon-shaped UFO. It just that she usually sucks my cock better when she’s coked-up.
…and be with them starving pigmies in New Guinea
STFU, Jackie Tyler just called me. She’s asking if I want to join in on a three-some with your mom.
Here’s the ethical dilemma. I haven’t brought your sister to an orgasm yet—been on her for an hour now. She’s been hard to arouse since that time you had sex with her, but I don’t have time to go into that now.
If I stop in the middle of the pounding I’m giving her to go have sex with your mother and Jackie, your sis is likely to retaliate by closing her mouth the next time I try to launch a wad down her throat. And you know how much I enjoy that.
Without getting that silly bitch you call a father involved, what’s the best way to pull off banging your Mom, your sister, and Jackie without pissing everyone off?
R u High?
No.
“STFU” called me a dumbass.
I’ve got this rule that if you call me bad names, and I don’t feel that I’ve deserved it, I’ll say bad things about you until I’m no longer upset.
…and I’m not over it yet!!!!
I need you at my next party. Bring plenty of Depends, cause we won’t get to the bathroom quick enough to drop trou!
Torchwood is a Dr Who FAIL!
actually its a Dr. Who win
Nuh uh.
FIRST!
this one time, i bent over and someone mistook MY moon for a UFO. (Undeniably Fantastic Orifice.)
Comment Win.
you must have a gigantic ass!!!
…and a vulcano like Olympus (@Mars) spilling brown lava everywhere…
Volcanic spelling fail
DAILY MAIL!! IT RULES
Newspaper preference fail!
The Daily Mail is for biggoted retards. Plus this article is from BBC online.
The Times is read by the people who run the country. The Daily Mirror is read by the people who think they run the country. The Guardian is read by the people who think they ought to run the country. The Morning Star is read by the people who think the country ought to be run by another country. The Independent is read by people who don’t know who runs the country but are sure they’re doing it wrong. The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country. The Financial Times is read by the people who own the country. The Daily Express is read by the people who think the country ought to be run as it used to be run. The Daily Telegraph is read by the people who still think it is their country. And the Sun’s readers don’t care who runs the country providing she has big tits.
just WIN
emergency phone number equivalency identification in countries besides the US fail.
short and punchy comeback fail.
snarky rebuttal win
Emergency services phone number equivalency identification in countries outside the US fail.
Woman fail.
sexist fail
actually, sadly thats a sexist win
intelligent human… now there’s his fail
Moon fail. It’s the moon’s fault for looking so much like a ufo.
UFOs in Wales? Torchwood rules, yeah!
Da moon rulz #1
So perhaps you’d be the one to ask who scratched that in the side of my car with a key?
ATHF reference WIN!
haha you brits must have some stroooong drinks over there.(i was actually gonna guess that this happened in the midwest states, not known for brains out there)
And yet it happened in enlightened Europe. How interesting.
The Enlightenment really pissed you off, huh?
I think “Strong Alcohol” constitutes anything which is “Non-American Import”. It’s impossible to get drunk on American Lager.
:drinks a Victory Lager: you were saying, clueless tool?
HAHA, Vicory Lager…
1. It’s German!
2. It’s only 4.8%
Comment FAIL!
Reading/spelling fail!
Victory Brewing Co is an American brewer, and they make all sorts of DELICIOUS beers: ales, lagers, porters, stouts.
Learn to be less stupid. Despite this being the internet (where everyone is stupid) you’re reading a FAIL BLOG where the readers are supposed to be LESS stupid than the subjects of the post.
Ok, give me a link to their site then. Posting that comment doesn’t make me stupid, there is a German Brewery called Victory Brewery as well that makes a lager called Victory Lager. After doing a search for “American brewery Victory Lager”, nothing came up bar that brewery. Yes, it was a spelling fail in my last post, I did mean Victory rather than Vicory, apologies for that.
Search fail!
Try the first search result on Google for “American brewery Victory Lager”
Or: http://www.victorybeer.com/
ABOUT
Perfectly balanced, this authentic version of a German helles-style lager satisfies gloriously. Lean, German malts and fine European hops offer subtle harmony.
COMPOSITION
Malts: 2 row German malts
Hops: German whole flowers
Alcohol by volume: 4.8%
That’s the same one I found. You fail.
Win lost.
It’s AMERICAN, asshole. Just because they used German-style anything doesn’t make it German. Either learn about the beer scene or get out.
I prefer brewing Mead to Lager to be honest. It tastes nicer and it takes less time to ferment. Anyway, are you sure it’s American, it doesn’t have a flag, to own something you need a flag on it! (Eddie Izzard reference anyone?) Well, my point still stands, it’s only 4.8% (and I still say it’s German. It’s made with German ingredients using German methods from a German recipe, I’ll let you think what you will though)
No, its definitely possible. I would know.
not the big name sex-in-a-canoe brands for sure, but some of the microbrews are fairly potent… Boston’s Harpoon is something around 7% iirc… then again, that’s an ale, not a lager, so wtf do i know
Not all people in the midwest are brainless. At least I know to capitalize and use punctuation.
Not all people in the Midwest are brainless, at least I know how to capitalise and use punctuation.
I think he’s talking about Midwest US. Typical.
I know, I was merely correcting spelling, grammar and punctuation and adding missing words into his comment to make it sound right. Kind of ironic that I had to really but hey, I do my best.
Best not to try to correct someone’s grammar when you don’t have a mastery of the English language, yourself. You made her perfectly good statement into a run-on sentence.
Absence of semicolon fail.
Not all people in the Midwest are brainless. At least I know how to capitalize and use punctuation.
You fail. GTFO.
yup we do have strong drinks
more absinthe anyone?
Absinthe isn’t American. Another fail. Keep’em coming!
… I dunno, moonshine, I guess. That could be strong.
fingernail polish remover is my drink of choice.
COVER-UP!
Stupid Europeans.
People from Wales aren’t European! They’re WELSH!!! It’s worse!
(I’m Cestrian, the welsh will understand!)
In our city until not so long ago there was a by-law that said if you found a Welshman within the city walls after dark then you could either shoot them with a bow and arrow or bring them to the Town Hall at dawn to be hung! The law was repealed in the 70’s.
People from Wales aren’t European? Isn’t Wales part of the UK? Since when was Wales its own continent??
My point was in jest. The whole Chester vs. Wales faceoff eludes those outside of the North West. Chester was the original capital of Wales until XXXX , I’m no historian. There has always been a rivalry between Cestrians and everything Welsh, I really don’t want to go into details though because I really don’t know them that well. Take it as an in-joke if it makes you feel better.
Thanks. Enough said. That’s what I get for being a Yank!
Does it have to be a bow and arrow? Can it be a crossbow? Can you fire a crossbow bolt from the bow, or an entire crossbow? How dark is “after dark”? Do you have to shoot them? Can you stab them with the arrow or strangle them with the bowstring? Do you have to bring them at dawn precisely? What time is Dawn in your town? What year exactly was it repealed?
The law has been changed so many times by hearsay over the years, everyone knows a different version of the law and if it’s still in effect or not, I’ve managed to find info about the law…
The story about the Welsh being excluded from Chester after dark originated during the Glyndwr rebellion of 1403. Henry, Prince of Wales (future Henry V) was also Earl of Chester and on 4 Sept 1403 he ordered that all Welsh people and Welsh sympathisers should be expelled from the City; none should enter the city before sunrise or stay after sunset on pain of decapitation (not hanging, but it would have the same effect!). There are records of people standing surety for the good behaviour of Welshmen arrested under the order. The text books don’t refer to anyone ever paying the maximum penalty for this ‘crime’. Concern over ‘the Welsh threat’ continued into the 15th century and Chester was seen very much as a border town. There is no record that Henry V’s order was ever repealed.
…I’m trying to find the actual order, it sounds quite good. The law, although not repealed, has been superseded by many laws since then. There’s a good MP3 about it here…
http://www.chester.gov.uk/Files/welshlaw.mp3
“Another caller rang asking for help when they wanted to vote for Rhydian on the TV programme X-Factor. ”
Oh, please, come on… Don’t waste the police’s precious time with this bullcrap.
Everyone knows you vote Saxon.
They were amazing at Download this year! Best I’ve ever seen them.
Dah-dah-dah-DAH! Dah-dah-dah-DAH!
Bit like the American woman who phoned the police because the drive-thru gave her the wrong burger.
Or the dude who phoned 911 because Burger King was out of damn lemonade.
Gotta love the welsh! ahh, bless!
Ha ha, Wales. I hear their national food is toast. National food fail.
International Food Fail.
The name Welsh Rarebit is infact a slur against the Welsh, it’s not just toast, it’s a sauce made of various different ingredients on toast, pedantic I know but hey, never mind. Cawl is basically the Welsh’s version of Bubble and Squeak, using the weeks leftovers to form somewhat of a stew and Laverbread is breaded seaweed with various herbs.
All the easiest foods to make once you’ve come home from one too many at the pub.
Isn’t the national food lava bread? And Welsh cakes?
Mmmmmm welsh cakes
Laverbread yeah, breaded seaweed. Tastes amazing!
PCP Win!
Haha, stupid Welsh
Thats not a moon, it’s a space station!!!
Star Wars reference WIN
I got a bad feeling about this.
There are alternatives to fighting.
im absolutly sure, that the call was made of one of the failblog reader
Impressive. Virtually every part of that comment is a fail.
This must be why we declared independence from England.
Silly English………….
Reading FAIL!
Wales does NOT equal England.
equation fail. Wales is 342324x better in every way than England.
Prove it.
Sorry Apache. I had to refill STFU’s mother’s water bowel. She gets dehydrated after long sex sessions with me.
Hang on a minute, the bitch has got herself tangled around her leash again.
Where were we…oh, ya. Proper British cows or something.
…sorry. Have to pause and laugh. Was picturing STFU’s father being balls deep in a proper British cow.
…Oh no. That’s not a cow, that’s bull. Now I’m picturing the proper British cow getting ready to mount STFU’s father. No, I can’t watch!!
Oh thank God. The proper British cow has enough since to put a condom on. That’s the right call bull. You don’t want to know who or what has been up STFU’s father’s bum.
…hang on…laughing too hard… The proper British bull is humping the crap (pun intended) out of STFU’s father.
Now he’s asking STFU’s father who his daddy is…but he doesn’t know. I guess STFU’s grandmother was a bigger whore than his mom.
…this is too much. STFU’s father is asking the proper British bull if he’s in yet because he can’t feel anything.
I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there. I should start charging for that kind of humor. It would help negate what STFU’s sister charges me for sex.
…Oh not again. Now I’m picturing the proper British cow giving STFU’s father a blow job.
…Who’s milking who here?
j
…Almost as freaky as that time STFU’s mom wanted to have a foursome with me and two blowup dolls.
… I’m laughing as hard as I did that time STFU’s mom was cracked out, and I got the silly bitch to stick a broom up her ass and sweep my floor for a $5.00 rock.
…what that silly bitch won’t do for cocaine.
Anyway Apache, you’ve been a good sport. I’ve changed my mind about the whole conquering the world thing and making the Brits eat better food. You can put whatever you want in your gravy.
…gravy? That’s funny. That’s what STFU’s mom calls my man jam.
Got to go now. STFU’s crack-whore mother wants it up the ass again. You’d think she’d get tired of that at some point.
Was that really necessary?
Somebody needs his Ritalin.
Every word of that post is made of unadulterated, pure-filtered, I could even go as far to say distilled WIN! I actually lol’ed.
I’ve just realised….
You’re going to refill her bowels?
That’s. Just. Wrong!
Quit it. You’re just giving me more material. Apache, you are a smoking hot Britt right? If you’re a dude, just tell me now. Actually, don’t tell me now. That would make me a gayer than “STFU” who’s obviously been sleeping since I started flaming his mother since the Sun set over Europe.
In my defense, he started this crap by calling me a dumbass.
In either event, I really have no idea who “STFU” is, or his mother, he just hacked me off while I was attempting to flirt with you.
You may be taking this slightly too far.
get used to it. he always goes too far.(not in my bed though!)
Dude, I’m a dude :s
Flirt FAIL!
Christ on a jetski, WALES
now why would christ need a jetski?
Even christ needs a vacation.
He likes to spend it on the water.
I ran into him last year at Lake Havasu.
He’d definitely need a holiday, let’s face it if he ever did do the whole second coming thing he’d end up in Guantanamo Bay.
i know he can walk on the water, but that doesn’t mean he’s not looking to haul.
he’s got a motorcycle too.
I understand he is quite into speedboat racing against Satan.
*zooommmm* Woow, was that GOD???
*headdesk*
I feel stupid for having to stifle my laughter at work, but really? The moon? How do you miss that? It’s not like it hasn’t been there for.. ya know, EVER!
You know, it actually hasn’t been there for ever.
Lmao. Cymru am byth!!
Mae’n gas yn yr Americans!
Ia! Ia! Cthulhu f’thagn?
Au contraire el bonjouro.
H.P. Lovecraft reference WIN!
“Cthulu loves you. On a bun. With ketchup.”
Oh wow I lol’d.
Pfft… imagine mistaking THAT for a UFO… it’s clearly Gabby. The small. And annoying.
You dense, irritating beast of burden!
the call was from the fucking valleys though, there is almost nowhere decent north of caerdydd. apart from maybe aber.
valleys fail.
welsh in general win.
Wales in General FAIL!
You’ve never been to Abersoch? Amazing place!
And Hard Rock Hell is being held at Pontins in Prestatyn in December this year. Thin Lizzy, Hawkwind, Black Label Society, Budgie, Korpiklaani, Firewind…
If we were to have a Roswell repeat with that UFO…
Best not to think about it.
There’s not a lot to do in the Valleys.
*gasps* Certainly you’re not taking about… We’ll say no more about it and carry on as if nothing had happened, and I hope you will have the decency to never mention the matter again, certainly not in mixed company and in the presence of so many well-lubricated sheep. If one of those sheep had happened to overhear you mention… er… (whisper) mint sauce in such a context, we would have had a stampede on our hands. You may wish to explain to the authorities why there are so many sheep in stockings, suspenders and split-crotch panties rampaging through the streets of Ffestiniog, but I – for one – do not.
STFU? Where are you my queer limey friend? Did you fall asleep again masturbating to reruns of Dr. Who?
OKay that is quite funny.
*sigh* Bloody Torchwood.
Is it sad that I like this site merely for the comment wars? I think not.
Muhammad The Camel Guy, I beg to join your legion.
He’s just trying to get on “Burn Of The Week” I reckon. :p It’s funny shit though.
Ah, this may be true, but it makes for fabulous entertainment, eh?
I think there’s a few contenders on this page as well.
“You mean we have to walk the WHOLE way?!?!”
“……..At least we brought entertainment….”
Who would have thought mistaking the moon for a UFO would inspire such a flame war?
I should be working right now, but this shit is just too funny!!!! Priority fail
I should be asleep, I’ve got to sign on later on today!
Priority Fail.
Employment Fail.
Insomnia WIN!
I like that, can I borrow it? My sleep schedule is so messed up that… I can’t think of a proper comparison for it.
“That’s no space station. It’s a moon” – Kenobi Wan-Obi
Fail.
wtf is 999 its 911
Geography FAIL. (What do the letters BBC stand for?)
Also read the f***ing thread FAIL. This has been covered at least a half dozen times.
I have never been so proud of my nationhood. I hope this wasnt in Swansea.
Before you all go hating on the Welsh (and their sexy sexy accents… Mmm, Ianto Jones FTW…), even here in America it’s surprisingly common for “UFO” sightings to be the moon. Know how sometimes the moon looks bigger than usual? Or red? Or at some times of the year, turned so the points of the crescent are going up or down rather than to the side? Combine that with clouds covering part of it or the light filtering through clouds on a cloudy night, and idjits of all nationalities have been known to have major celestial body recognition fails.
Jake has clearly called the police to report a moon-shaped UFO, before.
Listen to his wisdom.
This may be so, but it’s not like it’s the FIRST time the moon has looked a little ‘weird.’ Oh, and was this person alone when they called? I wonder, because, I mean, if they were drunk and with friends then their ‘zOMG a UFO’ would probably be encourage by the more sober friends. That inspires quite a question. How drunk do you have to be to mistake the moon for a UFO?
EPIC FAIL OF THE THIRD KIND.
DOUBLE FAIL!
Whats worse is that these are the people that keep us safe 0.o
Wow that is sad it even says 999 YES that means 2 FAILS IN 1 everyone cheer. For the FAIL WHALE HAS BEEN SUMMONED!!!
Akshualy, the moon IS a UFO…
Well… except 4 the part of “Unidentified”…
And… perhaps the part of “Flying”…
But its DEFENETLY an object…
So, I think its not a faiil…
asssssssssssss
why can’t i poop?????
Pyramid WIN, Failblog Fail