Premonition Fail
Submitted by Neal Groothuis
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SPIRITIC FAIL
I love you…
i predict that you fail
It wouldn’t be my first.
haha nice
I saw that coming! *ba-dum-tsh!*
Hate to admit it, but this one really made me laugh XD
heheh… it was so bad it was good, then! ha!
HEY!!! i was gonna do dat you musta red mai mind
I KNEW you were gonna say that!
I knew someone was gonna post that…
*Ba-dum-FAIL!*
But what the picture doesn’t say, is that the psychic was in fact deaf.
o the philosophical ramifications…
why am I here? I fail… I should go back to sleep…
bend over and I’ll show you sleep
In soviet russia sleep shows you!
You made me laugh. Your comment = win.
*Someone opens door*
Oh my God, I totally knew that was going to happen!
*bash “psychic” in head*
didn’t see that comin didja?
HA YOU FAIL TWICE
i predict you are about to waste a lot of money
please push the bell if u already DEAD!!
Right…..
But if you’re psychic, why would you even NEED a doorbell? Sheesh…..
Good job! Dang you’re a smart one.
Actually I thought that there were two people in the same (what, room, building, office?) and you could either walk in and see the attorney, or ring the bell and let the psychic know she needs to get up off her ass and anwer the door. Of course, I read too much into it, so maybe I should just let it drop.
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Exactly, that’s the point. Why would the psychic need the doorbell? Who cares how many other offices are there. The psychic should KNOW. You didn’t read too much into it, you just got the joke… give yourself a pat on the back.
I’m stuck on “Only.” Ring bell for Psychic…Only. So, you don’t ring it for anyone else? Is the water-head Psychic the only one there who doesn’t have premonition skills? This is more confusing than Michael Jackson’s sexuality.
XD
The sign appears cut off, after the word “only”. It’s rounded on top, flat on the bottom. Perhaps it had more information at one time such as:
Ring doorbell for psychic only…if you have made an appointment. Which might make sense; the so-called psychic probably would not want “ding-dong” to interrupt a serious bullshit session, and keep paying idiots from coming back. But now the sign might mean: “All idiots are now welcome, including walk-ins, business sucks”. Just before typing, I reloaded, and wallah! A Tarrot card reader (Maenad) comes in here and mentions the word “appointment”. It’s psychic, man!
But what I prefer the sign to have said is: Ring doorbell for psychic only…if you like pancakes.
On a side note, that looks like one of those cheesy-ass door bell sets you can get at a dollar store. RF signal activated with watch battery powered button and crappy sounding ding-donger. Don’t ever buy one of those. In fact, try to stay out of those damn stores, unless you just need paper plates or some ass wipe. There should be a law against price tagging pure shit. Crappy antifreeze flavored Chinese toothpaste and stupid sounding ding-dongers and all.
In Soviet Russia , ring bell pushes you
Alright, lets get the other retard comments out of the way since you got the ball rolling. First! Photoshopped. Bend over and I’ll show you Soviet Russia. Moving on…
No, U
never heard of a russian reversal?
You dont know whats a “No, U” reply? ; )
C wut i did thar?
Yes, I saw it. You failed, and it was mildly entertaining.
Makes you a bit leery of doing business with this psychic, huh?
I think someone was supposed to say “bend over and I’ll show you business”, now…
@Elvis, well done. Well done.
“I’m having deja vu and amnesia at the same time — I have forgotten this before.”
Get-R-Done… before you forget you you’ve forgotten this before.
aha…3 re-loads later I can see it, however I don’t seem to get it. Normally not a stupid person or anything. “Ring bell for psychic only” seems a little awkward grammatically, but it makes sense to me. There are probably other doorbells nearby, and people coming to see the psychic are being directed where to ring, those coming to see the others…where not to. Explain??
Well, see, Jen (And Reese right after me, I suppose), once again, the fail here would be that a psychic should not NEED to be rung. He/She should already know that someone is coming before they arrive–that’s kinda the point, see. Would you want to go to a psychic to have your future predicted only to arrive and realize that he/she had no idea you were coming at all, and needed to be alerted to your presence? Doesn’t put much stock in his or her vision of your future, now, does it?
I don’t fully get this… Is it that the psychic runs multiple businesses as a scam?
Yes. Thats EXACTLY what it is. You figured it out! You should TOTALLY become a PI.
hmm…it would help if you knew what “premonition” meant…….
Hey alex, you’re on the internet. Take the ten seconds to look up the word at any number of online dictionaries, you dumbass.
I think he was mocking another poster, not asking what it meant. Get your head out of your ass.
besides, thats coming from someone with a name like “i’mdumb”
“I know that you are here. I know that you pressed the bell. I know you think i’m bullshitting you that I know everything. You’re not here to decide if you can trust me. You’re here to understand why I know everything.”
No I have no clue why you understand everything, I want you to tell me my future and if I’ll die trying to kill the bad people.
IT’S HIGH TIME!!!
I don’t think it is a fail. A psychic doesn’t claim to know everything that happens in the future.
Chandler, I knew it was you.
Or maybe only a psychic can ring the bell…..Anyone ever thought of that?
Maybe if the person who wrote it learnt English the day before…
Being realistic about what service a psychic is actually able to provide, FAIL.
I work as a professional Tarot card reader.
I hate the word ‘psychic’, and don’t use it in reference to myself, but there are many people in similar professions who use the word psychic to describe all sorts of different kinds of readings. Some of them are fraudulent, and some of them provide useful services.
Once, a woman called my work to make an appointment. I asked for her name and phone number (so that I could call her if I was running late, for example), and she said, “if you were really psychic, you would know!!” and hung up. This woman was an idiot.
What people FAIL to understand is that anyone who actually claims to know EVERYTHING through some kind of mystical ability is a fraud…
Most readers interpret symbols using divination tools, or they might ask their guides to provide them with information, or they talk to talk to dead people, or maybe they have visions or intuitive flashes. They are not omnipotent.
When I do readings, I interpret layouts of Tarot cards, see what I can feel of the client’s energy, and I create dialogue with them about their life.
I don’t know everything about the person, I don’t read minds, and I believe that the way their future unfolds is based on their own choices and attitudes.
I would recommend that if you go to see any sort of ‘psychic’, you ask them what they ACTUALLY do, rather than having an expectation of what the word psychic means to them, only to find that your own definition doesn’t quite add up to the same thing.
I would imagine that if someone really had the gift of knowing everything that was going to happen, they would find a way to come into large sums of money (like buying the right stocks), rather than making a shitty living doing readings for people.
Rant WIN!
Thank heaven you’re a professional Tarot card reader, not some kind of unreliable amateur who can’t really predict stuff.
heh
tldr
maenad – that’s what I was getting at. I totally agree with you, this isn’t a fail at all except on the part of stupid people who don’t understand what a psychic is and is not. (Psychic is much shorter for putting on a little doorbell sign by the way, so I would understand using that term there rather than maybe even that person’s preferred title) An actual “premonition” is not likely to be about anyone coming to the door for their appointment. Lame fail, IMO…not even really funny if you try to just go with it.
The only people who don’t understand what a psychic is are the people who actually pay to hear their bullshit.
It’s still funny. I mean, it’s like Syliva Brown not knowing you were dropping in to visit her.
Will you please explain exactly what you mean by: “When I do readings,… (I)see what I can feel of the client’s energy…?” WTF is a client’s energy?
I mean that when I am sitting there with the person I’m doing the reading for, if I pay attention with openness, I can generally perceive things about the person. For me, this is usually reflected in emotion, though I do believe that energy and emotions are different things…
I find energy hard to explain, but I think of it like a bit of a person’s intangible essence in that moment. What’s happening to someone on an energetic level is a product of what’s happening on all the other levels (physical, intellectual, emotional) and vice versa.
So maybe as I’m shuffling the cards when we begin, I’ll have a feeling of being overwhelmed, or of grief, or playfulness, or restriction; and it’s not mine, it’s something that the client is projecting, and I am picking up on it.
The person’s energy is also reflected in their cards themselves… cards don’t just look mean things intellectually via the symbolism, they can also -feel- like things.
I don’t think this is a special gift or ability either, I think anybody can do it.
If the word ‘energy’ sounds too hoakey for you, you can call it something else, but I think that everyone and everything has a certain energy, that can be picked up on if you are just open.
Here’s an example that most people can relate to…
imagine that some people have just had a fight, and you walk into the room immediately after, and without even looking at the people, or before anybody says anything, you might feel something of the tension hanging in the air.
But that’s not some mysterious energy, that’s your empathy picking up on other people’s very tangible and physical cues, from body language to facial expression. Nothing special about it. Pick up on their ‘energy’ when you can’t actually see or hear them and then I’ll be impressed.
I didn’t claim that energy was mysterious, and I did say I agree there’s nothing ’special’ about it.
Yes, there are all kinds of ways we can perceive things about people based on the way they speak, dress, carry themselves, react to things, etc.
However, those things occur in the client, and are perceived visually, or by listening to them.
I am suggesting, however, that there are also nonvisual things that one can perceive internally, about others… things that you feel in yourself rather than things you witness in them.
This has been my experience, but whether or not you share it doesn’t particularly matter, and I don’t particularly feel a need to impress anyone.
I don’t do what I do to impress people, I do what I do because I find people’s lives fascinating, I find Tarot symbolism to be fascinating, and because I enjoy the occasions when people are able to see their lives in new ways, and create positive change for themselves.
Weener. The client’s energy is in their wallet. You have to get that energy out of their wallet and into yours.
Best definition of a psychic yet.
Muhammad The Camel Guy, you have educated and entertained me by condensing Maenad’s six-paragraph explanation of client energy into two or three simple sentences.
I now understand Tarot card reader > client energy flow much better now. Thank you.
Believe me, it’s pretty hard to make a living doing what I do, particularly when you’re honest.
If I wanted to make money, I’d get a job with a consistant income, which actually pays well.
Overanalyzing the joke = fail.
“What people FAIL to understand is that anyone who actually claims to know ANYTHING through some kind of mystical ability is a fraud…”
There. Fixed it for you.
that’s not bad, actually….
the problem comes in defining ‘mystical abilities’, and I suppose that was a poor choice of words on my part.
I sense Chuck Norris’ presence… *Ahuuuuuuuuuuuuuum*
No dip-shit, that’s his “intangible essence in that moment.” Pay attention. Some of us are here to learn.
**looks up from taking notes**
**nod nod**
**returns to taking notes**
lmao!
FAIL TIME
First!
use of the occult FAIL
Whenever I come out of work, there are flyers and business cards on my car. Sometimes there is one from a psychic who apparently can’t predict that I will just throw the card away.
in soviet america YOU tell your future to the psychic
This whole thing is so predictable.
*rimshot*
downhill fails these recent ones.
dont fly me
“Premonition” isn’t quite the right word. I would suggest “prescience fail”.
first, next is gay!
Wow, you must be psychic!
ahahaha, you are gay!
Dammit, i just KNEW theyd have a ringer instead of a knocker!
Perhaps the psychic does not have knockers.
I’m going to believe the best here, its all true, I have no doubts. It’s obvious, you can only call the psychic with the doorbell because its broken……
Maybe a psychic with no arms asked someone to install this button.
reminds me of when Kramer had the movie phone number… “why don’t you just tell me the name of the movie you’d like to see”
Psychics can’t be omniscient 24/7. Their brains probably can’t handle it. (Not implying that they’re stupid or anything. Psychic powers are no substitute for eight hours of sleep (or more, given how quickly they get exhausted using them.))
This fail gave me aids